Better Days
Episode 7
"My Animated Adventure"
Written By:
Steven Cameron
Characters and story created by
Steven Cameron
Special thanks to:
Casey Wrenn for allowing me to use
his name and likeness as a character
Alan Holman and Banana Chan for
being so good
Very Special Thanks To:
Ian, writer of Reprisal (You can read it in the
horror section of simplyscripts.com) For
the much appreciated inspiration.
FADE IN:
INT. BASEMENT - DAY
Jason and Kenny sit on the futon watching The Ninja's
Curse on television, feet pound down the stairs and
Barbara joins them, she sits beside Jason.
BARBARA
Why do you watch this crap?
JASON
It's not crap, it's The Ninja's
Curse.
BARBARA
You don't have to tell me about
it, my cousin watches it. She
tells me it's one of those shows
dominated by males, with the
exception of Asuki.
JASON
She is one hot chick, I'd do her.
BARBARA
She's a cartoon.
KENNY
She is anime, their's a
difference. Cartoons are Disney,
anime is mature.
BARBARA
Right.
Kenny shakes his head.
KENNY
Get with it, Barbie.
BARBARA
Whatever, who cares about this
shit but you two?
JASON
I guess not many people but that's
poor advertising on the creators
part, stupid asshole he is.
Kenny tries hard to watch and listen to the television
and ignore Jason and Barbara.
BARBARA
You don't even know him.
JASON
Oh, but I know who he is.
BARBARA
Do I even want to know?
She looks to Kenny who shrugs his shoulders, than back to
Jason who smiles.
JASON
The internet, at this website
called Simply Scripts.
BARBARA
How did you find it?
JASON
I was looking for Banana Chan, too
see if the episodes are as they
were in the original drafts...
They were.
BARBARA
I don't care, back to this Simply
Scripts guy.
JASON
Oh, right. I'm not sure what his
name is because people called him
different things but I e mailed
him and told him I hated him but
loved the series.
KENNY
And than the guy e mailed him back
and said he was going to kill him.
Kenny laughs and continues to watch the on screen
shenanigans.
INT. HOUSE - DAY
John stands in front of the basement door looking at a
Banana Chan poster with a huge picture of Buster, it
stares back at him.
He puts his hand on the door and quickly pulls it back,
he looks around.
JOHN
Jesus Christ, I'm getting to old
for this crap.
The picture becomes fully animated, Buster kicks John in
the face and he falls back onto the ground unconscious.
(Script note: from now on the script is presented to you
as an animated cartoon)
INT. BASEMENT - DAY
Everything has become animated, Jason, Kenny and Barbara
are now cartoons.
JASON
What did I tell you, one day we'd
become a dumb cartoon.
KENNY
I guess the network couldn't
afford the actors salaries
anymore.
JASON
It's that bastard from Simply
Scripts, he called the network and
had us changed.
BARBARA
What do we do?
JASON
Let's become explorers.
BARBARA
I guess.
KENNY
Can you wait until this is over...
Like ten minutes?
Jason and Barbara get up.
JASON
We'll meet you upstairs.
They leave up the stairs, Kenny sits back and continues
to watch television.
KENNY
Suckers, I've seen what happens to
characters named Kenny when they
become animated and go outside.
He laughs out loud as Ninja's Curse comes back on from
commercial.
INT. HOUSE - DAY
John sits at the table with an ice pack on his face, a
camel sits across from him smoking a cigarette.
The basement door opens, Jason and Barbara walk into the
kitchen.
JASON
Pops, whose the...
JOHN
This here is my new wife, your new
mom.
John takes the cigarette from the camel, it spits at
Jason missing him and hitting the wall. The large glob of
spit oozes down the wall burning the wallpaper as it
does.
Barbara and Jason slowly back out of the room, John takes
a drag of the cigarette and puts it back into the camels
mouth.
JOHN (CONT'D)
Let's go upstairs.
He winks at the camel who is now drooling.
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
The world is still animated, Jason and Barbara exit the
house and walk into the yard.
JASON
Where do you wanna go first?
BARBARA
Let's just walk around.
The sun magically grows arms and a face, it smiles and
waves at them.
SUN
Hi, Jason.
JASON
Hi, Mr. Sun, good weather today.
SUN
Why thank you, I try.
Jason and Barbara continue on.
INT. BASEMENT - DAY
Kenny continues watching Ninja's Curse, the door opens
and down the stairs walks Danielle who joins Kenny.
DANIELLE
Where's Jason?
KENNY
(Not paying
attention)
He's gone.
DANIELLE
I can see that, where?
KENNY
What? Hold on.
Kenny waves his hand in an angry way, she plops down
beside him.
DANIELLE
Boys and their toys.
She shakes her head and waits, Ninja's Curse goes off and
Kenny turns off the television.
KENNY
Let's go, we have some catching up
to do.
They get up and head for the stairs.
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
Jason and Barbara approach, a gust of wind blows through
their hair and clothing.
JASON
Whoa! What was that? Did you feel
it?
BARBARA
Yeah, it's like an old western.
They look around and finally notice DOGG HEARTMAN, an
egotistical jackass with no redeeming features. He stands
a cars length away in a western gunfight position holding
a script.
Jason and Dogg stare each other down, Barbara stands
watching.
BARBARA (CONT'D)
Look if you're going to have a
cock fight, I'm going inside.
They stare at each other ignoring Barbara who disappears
into the store.
JASON
Let's duel.
A fenced in pit suddenly appears between them, Jason and
Dogg each hold a squawking healthy chicken.
DOGG
Rules are, I win you read over my
script.
JASON
Fine, but if I win you leave me
alone.
DOGG
Fine.
They release their cocks and they begin fighting, all of
a sudden and giant greyish green foot crushes the fence
and chickens.
Jason looks up and his jaw drops, in front of the two
stands Godzilla.
JASON
(In cheesy accent)
Godzilla!
FADE TO BLACK.
Opening Credit Sequence
FADE IN:
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
Barbara is looking through the movie section, she holds
in her hands a copy of GIGLI. It begins glowing a dark
red and she drops it.
The devil emerges half out of the case as if he is a
genie, Barbara looks on in amazement.
DEVIL
I will grant you three
explanations as to why this movie
is so bad.
BARBARA
Who sold their soul to have this
piece of shit brought into
existence?
DEVIL
The couple we know as Bennifer,
they will both be mine when I
collect.
BARBARA
Why haven't you collected their
souls?
DEVIL
Have you seen their acting? I
don't even want to see that for
all eternity and I live in hell.
BARBARA
Is it true that Ben Affleck is
hot?
The Devil pulls out a crystal ball, it is black with a
small window on the front side.
DEVIL
Hold on a sec.
He shakes it, waits and than flips it over. He leans in
close to Barbara, she leans in to meet him halfway.
DEVIL (CONT'D)
(Whispers)
All signs point to yes.
The Devil disappears into a cloud of smoke right when
Jason enters the aisle, they exchange looks as he sees
the movie on the ground.
JASON
What the fuck is giggles? A stupid
clown movie?
BARBARA
It's a Ben Affleck movie.
JASON
Ben Affleck... Ben Affleck...
Doesn't ring a bell. Wait, he's
the dude who kissed Banky in
Chasing Amy, isn't he?
BARBARA
Yes, but how can you possibly know
that and not his name?
JASON
I don't work for A&E.
BARBARA
You're just a simple man in a
simple series about nothing.
The roof opens up and a bright blinding white light comes
down upon them.
GODLY VOICE
Hey, don't ever call this series
simple or I'll write you out.
JASON
God?
GODLY VOICE
Uh, yes?
JASON
Since you know it all, what are
these little lumps growing
underneath my penis?
GODLY VOICE
Well, that's a long story. We'll
find out in a later episode, that
okay with you?
JASON
Sure, I guess.
The bright light disappears and everything goes back,
Jason rubs his eyes laughing.
JASON (CONT'D)
(Mocking)
You got yelled at, you got yelled
at.
Barbara kicks him in the shin and walks away, Jason soon
follows after her.
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
Dogg still grips his screenplay, he sits on the sidewalk
and reveals the title "I Killed Myself"
DOGG
I will not be denied anymore, I'll
go ask Kenny again. He hasn't
turned me down since... Well
prison.
He looks into the camera and gives us a smiling thumbs
up.
INT. PRISON CELL - FLASHBACK
Kenny sits in his cell reading VOGUE magazine, the door
opens and the guard appears.
GUARD
Kenny, meet your new boyfriend,
Dogg Heartman.
Dogg walks on screen smiling holding his screenplay in
hand.
DOGG
Here's Doggy...
Kenny screams and hides under his pillow, the doors close
and Dogg is locked away with Kenny.
Dogg howls like a wolf.
EXT. CINEMA - DAY
Kenny and Danielle walk up to the cinema which at this
early hour is deserted.
KENNY
I wonder where Casey is.
DANIELLE
You mean that fifteen year old boy
who stares at my breasts all the
time from a distance?
KENNY
That's him.
DANIELLE
Oh, god.
(Beat)
Let's just get this over with.
They go inside the cinema entrance.
INT. CINEMA - DAY
On the big screen is a bunch of blurry sexual actions,
Casey sits in the front row watching with a bottle of
lotion beside him.
CASEY (O.C.)
(Yells)
Damn internet porn!
Kenny and Danielle walk into the aisle and see what he's
watching, they approach him.
CASEY (CONT'D)
I heard you bitches coming,
doesn't internet porn just suck
balls?
He gets up and turns seeing Danielle, he goes into panic
mode trying to turn off the film but can't.
CASEY (CONT'D)
It's not mine.
Casey smiles, Danielle shakes her head in disgust.
DANIELLE
Right... Austin.
(beat)
I'll meet you out front when
you're done, Kenny.
Danielle walks away, Kenny laughs and puts his arm around
Casey.
KENNY
Well, my friend, how does it feel?
CASEY
Great actually, last night I
finally got what I've been looking
for... Golden showers, anal sex
auditions and, and Lady Boys.
Casey rubs his hands together and smiles, Kenny looks at
him in disgust as well.
CASEY (CONT'D)
Go to hell bitch, you know you
wish you had the capabilities I
did with the internet.
KENNY
But lady boys? They're dudes with
tits, that's gay.
CASEY
Hey man, if they look women on the
outside whatever they do on their
spare time is their business.
KENNY
They have dicks, why do you think
they're called that?
CASEY
Whatever, man.
EXT. CINEMA - DAY
Danielle now sits beside Dogg, she has his screenplay in
hand. He admires her large cartoon breasts, she flips
through the script.
DANIELLE
So, what would I be in this?
DOGG
My love interest.
DANIELLE
I see, and how much would I be
paid?
Dogg thinks for a moment.
DOGG
How much does a classy hooker like
yourself charge these days?
Danielle scoffs and gets up, Dogg gets up as well not
sure why she's angry.
DOGG (CONT'D)
What's wrong, baby?
Danielle slaps him across the face, than hits him with
the script. At that moment Kenny walks out and holds
Danielle back, Dogg grabs his script from her hands.
DOGG (CONT'D)
Your hooker here offered me sex
for money, I of course turned her
down because we're friends.
DANIELLE
Asshole.
KENNY
What do you want this time?
DOGG
For you to play alongside me in
the biggest film event of your and
my lifetime, please.
KENNY
No. And we're not friends.
Dogg throws his hands up in the air and slowly moves them
across the sky landing on a specific spot.
DOGG
Picture this, you and me rich
millionaires at the premiere of
our critically acclaimed hit "I
Killed Myself" written and
starring me of course. We'd be
sitting there, you with your
hooker and me with mine...
Veronica, we'd have the time of
our lives and than we'd have
passionate sex while you guys
watched.
He slowly brings his hands down to his sides, Kenny and
Danielle look at him.
DANIELLE
Are you stupid? Nobody will ever
read your stupid script, you kill
yourself at the end and it shows
no imagination or originality...
Face it, you're a hack and not
even a very good writer.
Danielle turns and starts walking down the street, Kenny
looks at Dogg for a moment and than follows her. Dogg
looks down at his script, then back at them as they walk
away.
A single tear falls from his eye, he falls to his knees.
Casey joins him and pats him on the back handing him a
bottle of lotion.
CASEY
You're going to need this more
than me.
(Beat)
I heard what she said, pretty
harsh words but to be honest you
are a hack writer with no talent.
Casey leaves him alone holding the lotion in one hand and
the script in the other.
DOGG
God, if you're up there... Give me
a sign.
A dog walks up behind him, cocks its leg and pisses on
his back. The sky's opens up and the bright light shines
again.
GODLY VOICE
Look dude, you're messing up my
script with yours. Get this shit
moving, we've only got a certain
amount of time and you're slowing
down the pace.
The light goes away, Dogg gets up. A new life to him,
he's happy again. He tosses the lotion aside and starts
power walking down the street after Kenny and Danielle.
The doors to the cinema open, Casey pokes his head out
and grabs the bottle of lotion than disappears back
inside.
THE RED NINJA walks on screen holding his sword, he looks
around.
RED NINJA
Am I on the wrong set? Where's my
agent, I'm finished doing this two
bit ninja series for people who
cancelled me after five
episodes... I am the heart and
soul of this series, you cannot
silence me.
A large pencil eraser comes on screen.
RED NINJA (CONT'D)
You'll never take me alive.
The eraser closes in on him, he cuts the end off of the
eraser and starts to laugh out loud in a heroic fashion.
Red Ninja throws a ninja star, the eraser disappears off
screen.
INT. BEDROOM - HOUSE - FLASHBACK
Dogg sits in the dark at a computer, he's typing away
furiously on the keyboard.
CLOSE UP: Computer Screen.
On the screen Dogg is typing a message.
DOGG
You suck at writing, dude. I have
never felt so cheated after
reading something, you tried to
capture a mood and all you did was
waste my time. Quit writing
because you suck, I'm a better
writer than you. Read "I Killed
Myself" in the drama section.
He clicks the post button and laughs.
INT. BEDROOM - HOUSE - NEXT MORNING FLASHBACK
Dogg sits at the computer again, he rubs his hands
together excited.
CLOSE UP: Computer Screen.
Dogg clicks on the Simply Scripts link and it goes to a
banned screen, he refreshes and refreshes and he can't
get in.
DOGG
This is a conspiracy.
He holds up his script.
DOGG (CONT'D)
Time to go make my film.
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
Jason, Kenny, Danielle and Barbara sit on the front
porch.
JASON
Where were you guys all day?
KENNY
Looking for you guys.
JASON
That crazy freak Dogg Heartman is
back in town.
KENNY
Yeah, we know.
Danielle looks at Jason.
DANIELLE
He said I was a hooker.
They laugh, Barbara a little more than the others.
BARBARA
He wasn't far off there.
DANIELLE
What is wrong with you?
She gets to her feet.
DANIELLE (CONT'D)
You haven't liked me since day one
and well I think you're kind of
jealous.
Barbara gets up and in her face.
BARBARA
You hurt my friend, you better get
out of my face right now little
Miss Bimbo before I make you.
Danielle stands her ground.
DANIELLE
I'm sick and tired of you trying
to come in between me and Jason, a
real friend would be happy.
BARBARA
A real friend, huh? Oh...
Steam begins to come out of Barbara's ears, and her face
turns red.
BARBARA (CONT'D)
Bitch!
DANIELLE
Dumb Ho.
BARBARA
Tramp.
DANIELLE
Slut.
BARBARA
That's it, nobody calls me a slut.
Prepare yourself because it's
asskickin' time.
DANIELLE
Bring it on, I can match anything
you can throw.
Jason and Kenny look at each other with mouths wide, a
smile comes over Kenny's face.
John and his Camel join Jason and Kenny on the porch, the
camel still smokes as they sit down.
JOHN
What's going on out here?
JASON
Girls are going to fight over me.
JOHN
Good job, son.
JASON
Thanks.
KENNY
I'm hoping Barbie rips Danielle's
shirt and she has a wardrobe
malfunction, if only Casey were
here to see this.
Casey appears out of thin air landing hard on the ground
beside Kenny, he's wearing women's clothes and a wig.
CASEY
What, where am I.
Jason, John, Kenny and the camel look at him in awe.
KENNY
Should I even ask?
CASEY
I'd rather not talk about it.
KENNY
Well anyway, the girls are about
to fight.
Casey looks and throws the wig off.
CASEY
Sweet.
Barbara and Danielle circle each other, they come
together and start kissing. Barbara places her hands on
Danielle's butt and Danielle places hers on Barbara's
cheek.
Jason and Kenny look at Casey who holds two voodoo dolls
mocked up like Danielle and Barbara making them kiss.
JASON
Dude, stop that.
CASEY
Sorry.
He drops the dolls, both girls fall and get back up.
DANIELLE
You cannot come between me and
Jason.
Danielle concentrates her eyes on Barbara, puts her right
hand out in front and throws a giant fireball at Barbara
knocking her to the ground.
Barbara gets up with steam surrounding her.
BARBARA
Oh, you want to play dirty, huh?
Fine with me.
Barbara runs, jumps and time slows down. She flies
through the air Matrix style until she's right in front
of Danielle.
Time speeds up and she kicks Danielle through the air
landing hard in the street.
A car approaches her, she grabs it picking it up into the
air. She begins swinging it around until releasing it in
Barbara's direction.
Barbara pulls out a pink lightsaber cutting the car in
half as it lands around her, the scattered pieces
disappear right away.
Danielle pulls out a lightsaber and turns it on, it's
red. They start walking toward each other when Mark
Hamill appears in the middle.
MARK
George Lucas doesn't like it when
people use his creations, he might
sue you.
A large foot comes from the sky and crushes Mark into the
pavement, the lightsabers change into samurai swords. The
two girls run toward each other and the swords clash.
JOHN
This is some crazy messed up
stuff, let's go inside Cammy.
John and the camel leave inside, his hand is on it's
butt.
Barbara knocks Danielle down to the ground and places the
tip of the sword at her throat. The sword changes into a
vibrator and Barbara drops hers just as quick, Danielle
gets up.
DANIELLE
Can't we just get along?
BARBARA
No, but we can call a truce for
now. Our combined powers would
need a full episode to actually
get anywhere in a fight and to be
honest we're almost out of time.
DANIELLE
Okay, truce.
They hug.
CASEY
This is what I'm talking about.
Dogg walks on screen, he looks into the camera.
DOGG
What you didn't think I was just
going to disappear, did you?
Danielle and Barbara look at each other and than just
leave disappearing down the streets.
Dogg approaches them and rips his shirt open revealing
his chest duct taped with a single grenade and he still
holds the script in hand.
DOGG (CONT'D)
Here's Doggy, you guys promised to
be in my film, remember?
JASON
We were ten at the time, I could
barely remember my name than.
They look up to the sky remembering, nothing happens.
DOGG
Where's the flashback?
JASON
I don't know.
The sky opens up, the bright light shines down.
GODLY VOICE
Hey, guys. I'm sorry about that
but only main characters get
flashbacks, it's just not in the
budget. Sorry.
The light disappears.
DOGG
We all know it's true, just be in
my film.
KENNY
No!
DOGG
Fine, I'm going to do something
I've waited so long to do.
Dogg pulls the pin on the grenade, time speeds up and
than slows just when he explodes and pieces fly
everywhere.
Jason scratches his head, the script lands at his feet.
It reads "I Killed Myself, The Story of Dogg Heartman"
Kenny gets up and stretches.
KENNY
You guys want to go watch Ninja's
Curse? I've got the first five
episodes taped.
JASON
Sure.
A cartoon anvil drops from the sky crushing Kenny, Jason
looks up and than to Casey who does the same.
JASON (CONT'D)
Oh my god, you've killed Kenny.
CASEY
You bastards!
They look into the camera, they quickly go inside. On the
roof stands WESLEY, he smiles.
WESLEY
Nobody hates me, now you're dead.
(Laughs, Beat)
Hey who's Kenny?
FADE OUT.
...THE END...
"World Exclusive Preview of the new show Takashi &
Friends"
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....
A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the main
title, followed by a roll up, which crawls up into
infinity.
Episode 1 - The Beginning
In the beginning an adventurer named Takashi set out to
star in the greatest animated series ever made but once
his dreams were crushed by a much better show he fell
into obscurity.
Three years later he emerged and this is what happens
when you pay young men a lot of money to make a hip talk
show… Oh god somebody call my agent, why am I doing a
Star Wars credit roll?
INT. BASEMENT - LONG AGO
Takashi sits on the futon beside a JEDI MASTER, ELMO,
YODA and a STORMTROOPER.
TAKASHI
It's good being me.
ELMO
Elmo your friend.
YODA
Cheesy, your voice is.
STORMTROOPER
I used to work in a grocery store
before Darth Vader befriended me.
YODA
Mmm.
JEDI MASTER
Master Yoda, should we not be
training?
TAKASHI
Whoa! Settle down there you
overachiever. Yoda is my master
now, I quit being a ninja and am
now a Jedi Apprentice.
JEDI MASTER
What! Master Yoda, is this true?
Yoda nods.
YODA
The force is strong in this one.
(Beat)
Weak, you are.
The Jedi Master starts crying, he runs out of the room.
ELMO
Elmo likes it in the bum.
YODA
Knew that, we did.
STORMTROOPER
Yep, Darth Vader is a very good
man... Very, very misunderstood.
TAKASHI
Is it true that he's white?
ELMO
Elmo's red, Elmo's red.
YODA
Die, you will.
Yoda pulls out his lightsaber, Takashi stops him.
TAKASHI
If you kill him, we may get
cancelled.
YODA
Right, you are. For now, he'll
continue to live but someday...
Yoda starts coughing.
YODA (CONT'D)
Very sick, I am.
The door at the top of the stairs opens, loud feet pound
on the stairs and the Ballad of Darth Vader begins.
Darth Vader appears on screen, he eyes Yoda.
DARTH VADER
(Breathes)
Yoda, we meet again.
YODA
Turned to the dark side, you did.
ELMO
Elmo thinks you talk funny.
Elmo laughs like a little girl.
Darth Vader and Yoda both pull there lightsabers out.
DARTH VADER
Join me or die...
YODA
Duel, we will.
They start toward each other when.
FADE OUT.
TAKASHI (V.O.)
Next week Elmo comes face to face
with Michael Jackson who is
accused of touching Elmo in an
unprofessional manner on set of
there new movie "XXX - Back 2
First Grade".
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