FADE IN:
INT. HOTEL ROOM - MONTAGE
Jason sits on the end of the bed with his head in his
hands for the longest time.
Then he holds the picture in his hands looking at his
friends.
Jason packs his unfolded clothes, cramming one article of
clothing after the other until it's full.
He tries to close it for a few minutes and gives up
sitting back on the bed, his hands cover his face and he
lies back on the bed.
EXT. HOTEL ROOM - MORNING
A Taxi Cab sits in front of the hotel rooms, the driver
stands at the back with the truck wide open.
Jason exits the room with his suitcase in one hand and a
garbage bag full in the other, he tosses them into the
trunk and they close it.
INT. TAXI CAB - MORNING
Jason gets in the back followed by the driver in the
front, the driver looks at him in the mirror.
CAB DRIVER
So, what will it be?
JASON
I can either go home and face my
friends or go to my moms and start
over.
The driver watches him as he takes the time to think
about it, Jason shrugs his shoulders.
CAB DRIVER
I don't mean to add any pressure
to your decision but you're on the
clock.
He points to the meter.
JASON
That's fine.
(Beat)
I got it, I know what I must do.
CAB DRIVER
Good, where to Sir?
JASON
...
The cab driver looks at him in anticipation for his
answer.
FADE TO BLACK.
Opening Credits
FADE IN:
INT. HOUSE - DAY
John and Ken Sr. sit at the table drinking coffee, John
reads the morning newspaper.
KEN SR.
I hope your boy comes back soon,
my son is moping around like a
twelve year old girl, and it's
just weird.
JOHN
Yeah, he isn't sure if he wants to
come back, that's the problem.
This town has done nothing but bad
to my son, he just can't take it.
KEN SR.
I understand, the two of them have
been hanging around doing piss all
and living life day to day instead
of getting a real life like we had
to do.
JOHN
Yep, and with all the unemployment
bugs running around these days
basically they've set themselves
up for failure. Without us,
they've got nothing.
KEN SR.
I'm going to cut the cord soon
anyway, I can't have women over
with my son still at home, it'd be
too weird.
John slams the paper down, Ken Sr. looks at him worried.
JOHN
Those god damned Nazi's won again,
these Canadians better get their
collective asses going or I'll
lose more money.
KEN SR.
What money... Canadians? Nazi's?
Huh? I'm confused.
JOHN
I watch and bet on competitive
Ping Pong, I once tried Soccer but
it's really boring, then golf but
it had the same effect as Soccer
and so on down the sporting lists
until I came across Ping Pong,
it's a really good sport.
KEN SR.
Never heard of it.
(Beat)
Is it anything like that game
Pong?
JOHN
In a way, yeah.
John picks up the paper again and continues reading.
KEN SR.
Me and the guys play cards every
Friday night, you should come.
JOHN
Do you guys play for money?
KEN SR.
Sometimes, I mean one night the
pot got up to forty thousand and
Lester took it all with a bluff
but most nights we keep the pot
small so there's no animosity next
time.
JOHN
I understand, I think I might take
you up on that this Friday but I'm
not very good at card games.
KEN SR.
Neither are we, we lose so much
that when we win the pots are
usually larger than you'd think.
They both snicker.
EXT. CINEMA - DAY
Casey and Gretchen sit on the curb; Kenny walks up and
sits beside Casey.
CASEY
Sup bitch?
KENNY
Nothing, I'm just dropping by to
see what's playing in the cinema.
CASEY
Dick all, Star Wars is great
though.
KENNY
Ah, I can't watch that shit. I
like more comedy oriented films
like The Longest Yard but that
movie wasn't all that great
either.
CASEY
Your priorities are screwed up,
without your lover you are one
boring dude.
KENNY
At least I don't watch German Goo
Girls and Chicks With Dicks.
Casey punches him in the arm.
CASEY
I do not, that thing you seen was,
was something else.
Casey puts his arm around Gretchen who watches a plastic
baggy blow in the wind.
CASEY (CONT'D)
At least I'm getting some.
Kenny laughs and looks away.
CASEY (CONT'D)
Anyway, you wanna come with us to
a hockey game later?
KENNY
Why?
CASEY
I don't know, got extra tickets.
You can even bring the goof troop,
if Jason returns their's an extra
one for him to.
KENNY
Okay, I'll ask Barbie. You know, I
haven't spoken to her in a few
days. We had like this awkward
moment the other day when she
stole some cookies from me and
they were these freshly baked
chocolate chip ones, man they were
so good.
CASEY
Really?
KENNY
Yeah.
(Beat)
You know that series Banana Chan?
CASEY
Yeah, Gretchen watches it every
day. Sometimes I have to do all
the work if you know what I mean.
KENNY
But it's on during the day, who
has sex that early?
CASEY
I guess we do, well I do.
Gretchen gets up and starts chasing the baggy.
KENNY
I see how hard of a job that must
be, ever think about getting a
smarter girl?
CASEY
Do you think I'd be with her dumb
ass if I could?
KENNY
Yeah, actually I do think that.
CASEY
Well, you caught me ha-ha.
Kenny shakes his head and gets up.
CASEY (CONT'D)
Where you going, man? Don't you
wanna hang out here?
KENNY
Nah, I have to go to the store,
I've been checking the phone book
for the creator of Banana Chan.
Kenny moves in close, Casey back away.
CASEY
You better not kiss me, homo.
KENNY
I was just going to say, I think
he's unlisted.
CASEY
Probably. That guys famous and
he's probably got a lot of enemies
that would like to see him dead
and a lot of fans who'd like to
stalk him... Kinda like you.
KENNY
Yeah, like those Ninja's Curse
guys, they don't like him. I heard
that they got cancelled after five
episodes because Banana Chan was a
much better show but word on the
street is that the creators of
both series have been going at it
for years and I guess we know who
won that battle.
Kenny looks into the camera and winks.
INT. KEN'S TOOLS - DAY
Kenny sits in a chair behind the counter asleep, his head
is down and he snores.
INT. MUSEUM - DREAM
(The following dream sequence is done in an anime style.)
Beautiful paintings fill the vast long hallways of the
museum, the floors are lined with a red carpet.
Kenny appears in the room; he's wearing a white suit and
floating above the ground.
KENNY
Where am I? Hello, is anyone
there?
He looks around, the place is empty but for the slight
sound of soothing jazz music. Kenny starts down the
hallway, looking at each picture as he passes it.
MALE VOICE (O.S.)
If you find the right painting, I
will reveal myself.
Kenny stops and looks around.
KENNY
Who said that?
MALE VOICE (O.S.)
Find the painting and all your
troubles will be answered as I
reveal myself.
Kenny starts checking paintings, nothing happens.
KENNY
How do I know which is the right
painting?
MALE VOICE (O.S.)
You'll know, trust me.
Kenny frantically looks around and comes to a painting
entitled "A Better Day" It's a beautiful lavish picture
of a man sitting on a bench with a black cat sitting
beside him and a beautiful landscape in the background.
KENNY
This is it.
A 14 year old Buster Chan appears beside him, he looks
around confused.
KENNY (CONT'D)
Buster?
BUSTER
Who-- Who are you? Do you know my
Uncle?
KENNY
No. So that wasn't you that led me
to this picture?
BUSTER
No.
Awkward moment of silence.
KENNY
What was it really like to be a
ninja?
BUSTER
Bad, I don't want to talk about
it. I want to know how I got here,
tell me!
(Beat)
And why are you floating, are you
an angel or a demon?
Kenny looks down and back up at Buster.
KENNY
Maybe I am, is this another
future? Could this possibly be the
future where The Ninja's Curse
doesn't suck?
BUSTER
No.
KENNY
Oh. I think we need to leave this
place, something strange is going
on.
Kenny starts floating away; Buster follows close behind
as they head down the vast hallway.
Baka appears as Kenny and Buster get further and further
away, he looks around confused.
BAKA
Why am I here?
Banana Chan and Barbara walk on screen laughing.
BANANA
Oh, silly Baka.
Baka disappears. Banana and Barbara walk in front of the
Painting "A Better Day"
Barbara lights up a cigarette and takes a long puff,
Banana looks at her.
BARBARA
What? It's very stressful being
friends with Jason and Kenny.
BANANA
Okay.
BARBARA
Why are we looking at this
painting again?
Adam Sprite walks on screen naked and carrying his
Piccolo, Barbara and Banana turn and face him.
ADAM
Hiya, it's my secret friend Banana
Chan and my other secret friend
Princess Barbara.
BARBARA
Hi Adam. How are we secret friends
if it's not a secret?
ADAM
...
(Beat)
Banana, my nirvana girl. I have
come to sing you a song.
BANANA
Really?
ADAM
Yes.
BANANA
Coolers, but I still have a
boyfriend.
ADAM
As do I.
Banana laughs hysterically, as does Adam. Barbara looks
confused as he starts playing his Piccolo.
ADAM (CONT'D)
(Singing)
Everyone's comfortable...
Barbara grabs his arm stopping the song.
BARBARA
Wait. Did you just admit that
you're gay?
(Beat)
Not that theirs anything wrong
with that.
Adam looks around; Barbara lets go of his hand. He starts
playing again but she stops him again before he can make
a tune.
BARBARA (CONT'D)
No songs today Adam, frankly
you're boring and you're naked.
(Beat)
Where are your clothes? I mean
seriously, don't you ever get
cold.
Adam looks down and back up at them and shrugs.
BARBARA (CONT'D)
Go back to the forest or I'll call
border control.
Adam turns and walks away, Banana turns to Barbara.
BANANA
That wasn't nice.
BARBARA
You're always playing good little
girl and we all know you're really
a nymphomaniac whore with an
eating disorder.
Barbara puts the cigarette back into her mouth; Banana
slaps her across the face.
The cigarette flies right into the center of the
painting, it catches fire and burns up just as quick.
BARBARA (CONT'D)
Bitch! Look what you've done.
The two girls look at each other as an alarm begins to
ring, they run away.
INT. KEN'S TOOLS - BACK TO
Kenny now lies on the floor; a crowd has formed around
him.
MAN 1
Do you think he's dead?
MAN 2
Should we call an ambulance?
WOMAN
Oh my, is that an erection?
The crowd stops and looks at the woman. Ken Sr. walks
into the store, he stands at the back of the crowd.
KEN SR.
What's going on?
MAN 1
The employee is passed out on the
floor and he might have a giant
erection.
Ken Sr. pushes through the crowd and walks up to Kenny,
he shakes his head.
KEN SR.
Move along people, there's nothing
to see.
They all sigh as they go back to their shopping; Ken Sr.
kicks Kenny waking him up.
INT. BACK ROOM - KEN'S TOOLS - DAY
Ken Sr. sits on a small desk, Kenny sits in a chair
directly in front of him.
KEN SR.
Son, I'm not too sure of what I
can say at this point.
KENNY
I'm sorry.
KEN SR.
That's not enough this time,
you're always sorry and well I
just don't know what to do with
you anymore.
KENNY
What can I tell you?
Kenny looks at him, Ken Sr. avoids looking back.
KEN SR.
Kenny, I want you to pack your
stuff at the house.
KENNY
Why?
KEN SR.
I want you to leave, I feel like
you've taken everything I've
taught and pissed it away.
KENNY
Can you honestly do this? I don't
have anywhere to go.
KEN SR.
Isn't that the point, it's a
lesson.
KENNY
When can I come home?
KEN SR.
You can't.
Ken Sr. looks up at Kenny now, a tear has formed in the
corner of Kenny's eyes. He gets to his feet and walks to
the entrance.
KENNY
Dad?
(Beat)
That's fine. From this point on I
don't want to ever hear from you
again, you are dead to me.
Kenny walks out of the back room, Ken Sr. cries silently
into his hands.
EXT. KEN'S TOOLS - DAY
The door flies open, Kenny walks out and slams the door
behind him. He walks over to a wall and punches it; he
pulls his hand back with a look of pain on his face.
KENNY
God damnit!
JASON (O.S.)
Hey, man, what's wrong?
KENNY
Jay?
He turns from the wall, Jason stands right in front of
him. Kenny grabs Jason in a hug; Jason holds his arms out
to his side.
JASON
What's with this?
KENNY
I'm just so glad to see you again,
I really missed you.
JASON
I've only been gone for a day.
KENNY
Still man, it was too long.
Jason slowly pushes him off.
JASON
So, what's been going on?
Kenny shrugs.
KENNY
I wandered around town, talked to
Casey. Same old shit different
day.
(Beat)
And now my father just kicked me
out of the house, I'm homeless.
JASON
That sucks.
KENNY
Yeah, Tell me about it.
JASON
You can come live with me until
you get back on your feet... if
you want.
Kenny smiles.
KENNY
Okay.
Jason puts his arm around Kenny as they walk down the
street.
JASON
This is the beginning of a new
chapter in our lives.
KENNY
Not really.
They continue walking.
EXT. HAIR SALON - DAY
Barbara stands outside smoking, Jason and Kenny approach
from across the road. She looks at Jason, hides the
cigarette behind her back and waits for them to arrive.
Jason and Kenny walk up beside her, they all smile and
nobody says anything.
KENNY
Damn, this is awkward.
BARBARA
Why is it though?
JASON
I don't know. It seems like we
always have these never ending
moments and...
KENNY
And it's a sign for you two to
finally get together and cut out
the Dawson's Creek moments because
we only have thirty minutes.
BARBARA
Shut up.
KENNY
Fine, shoot the messenger but you
know I'm right, I always am.
Kenny walks away.
Smoke raises from behind Barbara's back, Jason notices
it.
JASON
You're on fire.
BARBARA
What?
He points, she turns around revealing the cigarette in
her hand.
JASON
Oh, I see... I thought we had made
a promise to quit, together,
forever.
Jason looks at her, she looks back.
EXT. BARN - FLASHBACK
Barbara and Jason lean up against the back of the barn
smoking cigarettes.
JASON
Barbie, I think we should quit...
Today, cold turkey, you know?
BARBARA
You really think so? I mean, I
will if you will.
Jason butts his cigarette out in the grass; Barbara takes
one last drag before doing the same.
JASON
Today we make a pact to never
smoke cigarettes again or we will
burn in hell.
BARBARA
Isn't that a little extreme?
JASON
I guess. Okay, or else we'll be
forced to live on minimum wage.
Barbara looks at him about to say something but stops and
nods in agreement.
JASON (CONT'D)
Now let's make love, baby...
They kiss and fall backwards into the grass.
EXT. HAIR SALON - BACK TO
Barbara quickly butts the cigarette out and tosses it
away.
BARBARA
Yeah, we did... I did... But with
everything that's been going on I
just couldn't help myself.
(Beat)
Wait. That last part never
happened.
JASON
Didn't it?
BARBARA
No, I'd remember something like
that.
JASON
Oh. What was I thinking about
then?
(Long beat)
That's right, it was another girl.
BARBARA
I'd say so.
Jason stands looking up in a daydream, Kenny walks back
on screen.
KENNY
Kiss and make up? Good, let's go
to the arena and watch some
hockey.
JASON
What? Why? Since when do we like
hockey?
KENNY
Since about... Two hours ago give
or take.
JASON
Whatever man, as long as they have
beer.
BARBARA
Do I have to come?
KENNY
Of course, Casey gave us all
tickets, we can't not go.
BARBARA
Why not?
KENNY
He's our friend, duh.
BARBARA
He's your friend, not mine.
Jason puts his arms around them both and starts walking.
JASON
We're all going; I want to spend
some time with my two best
friends.
BARBARA
Fine, guilt me into it.
(Beat)
But if he touches my boob again
I'll kick him in the balls.
JASON
Somehow I think he'd enjoy that.
They laugh; Kenny stops and breaks Jason's hold on his
shoulders. He frantically starts checking his pockets as
the two look at him.
KENNY
Dude, I think I lost the tickets.
JASON
Really? You mean for once I'm not
the dumb one?
KENNY
You're still dumb but it seems
I've joined you on this off day.
BARBARA
Jesus, you guys make a girl crazy.
Kenny checks his pockets and throws his head back
laughing.
JASON
What?
KENNY
He never gave them to me.
They all laugh, Jason puts his arms around them both
again and they walk down the sidewalk toward the arena.
INT. ARENA - EVENING
The arena seats are mostly empty, a hockey game is on in
full force on the ice, one team wears blue the other
wears a dark red. Jason, Kenny, Barbara and Casey sit all
by themselves at a section of seats.
Jason and Kenny sit beside each other and Barbara and
Casey sit in front a row below beside each other, Barbara
looks up at them with an angry look and Jason mouths the
words "SORRY"
BARBARA
Where is Gretchen?
Casey looks at her.
CASEY
I don't fucking know.
Casey scoffs and watches the hockey game.
EXT. CINEMA - SAME MOMENT
Gretchen stands in the middle of the street with cars
passing by honking with drivers yelling profanities at
her.
GRETCHEN
Casey? Where are you? Casey!
Cars continue by as she comes closer and closer to being
hit.
INT. ARENA - EVENING
Number six on the blue team scores and the team
celebrates the goal.
Casey looks back at Jason and Kenny.
CASEY
That's Peter Richards, star player
for the Road Dogs, the other team
from our little town of Alberton.
(Beat)
We're playing them next week and I
wanted to scout them, I hate this
guys guts and I really want to
beat him.
KENNY
Wait, you're on a hockey team?
CASEY
Yeah, parents signed me up after
they caught me uh... Handling my
controller.
(Beat)
Who knew I would enjoy it as much
as I did. If my team could beat
these guys just once, I'd be
complete.
Number six scores again, the scoreboard reads 5 - 1.
Casey wipes some sweat from his forehead.
CASEY (CONT'D)
I haven't been able to find a
weakness in his game; I might have
to bitch slap him at school.
BARBARA
Or you could play fair.
Casey looks at her breasts.
CASEY
I'm sorry, did you say something?
All I heard was I'm a dirty whore
touch my boobies, can I?
BARBARA
No! Jesus Christ, you're always
such a pervert.
Barbara gets up, turns quickly and walks away.
Casey looks to Kenny, Kenny shrugs.
CASEY
Guess it's that time of the month.
(Raises voice)
Moody bitch.
Number six assists a goal this time and Casey moans in
agony.
JASON
Why don't you annoy him like you
do everyone else?
CASEY
Why don't you run away again, like
a stupid bitch.
Jason shakes his head and gets up.
JASON
I was just trying to help.
Jason walks away, Casey moves beside Kenny.
CASEY
(Yelling)
Yeah, that's right. Run away again
Jason, it solves all of your
problems.
(Beat)
Fuckers, huh?
KENNY
What's up with you, man? I try and
be your friend and bring you into
our group and you keep screwing it
up this way.
If you can't learn to get along
with my friends, I can't hang out
with you anymore.
Kenny gets up, Casey grabs his arm but Kenny pulls it
away.
CASEY
I'm sorry...
Kenny looks at him.
KENNY
Sorry won't cut it this time, man.
If you want to hang with us you're
going to have to work with us and
not against us.
Kenny pats him on the shoulder and starts walking after
Jason, Casey sits back down and puts his head in his
hands.
Peter Richards in his gear approaches Casey, he smiles at
Casey's sadness.
PETER
Little baby going to cry? Does he
need his mommy?
Casey looks up, sees him and wipes away the tears like
sweat. He gets to his feet and into Peter's face.
CASEY
I've got your number, Petey...
It's B-I-T-C-H, no wait that's
your mom. Sorry, I get mixed up
sometimes.
Peter pushes him back down into his seat.
PETER
You're very funny, Casey. Let's
see how funny you are when I'm
kicking your ass.
CASEY
It's on, bitch. Next week during
the game I'll be looking for you,
be ready.
Casey gets up, Peter laughs in his face.
PETER
Yeah, we'll fight but I think we
should fight tomorrow at school,
behind the bleachers.
(Beat)
What do you say? Or are you
chicken?
He starts making chicken noises.
CASEY
I'll be there mother-fucker and
I'll take with me your pride.
PETER
I already have yours, boy.
Peter pushes him down once again and walks off laughing
hysterically; Casey gets up and watches him leave.
FADE OUT.
...THE END...
The following mini series contains course language,
violence and mature themes. I do not own any copyrighted
characters therefore I am doing them out of parody and I
mean no offense to it's creators.
EXT. STREET - DAY
Takashi and Yoda with their swords in hand at the ready.
TAKASHI
This is very exciting, thank you
for training me in the ways of the
Jedi.
YODA
A pleasure, it was.
They continue on, Takashi stops.
TAKASHI
Master Yoda, why is Darth Vader
evil?
YODA
Consumed by the dark side, young
Skywalker is.
TAKASHI
Skywalker? He's related to Luke?
The lovable good guy? How can this
be?
YODA
Really long story, that is.
TAKASHI
I see. And you probably don't want
to go into it right now because of
this mission we're on..? Yeah,
that's definitely it.
Takashi catches up to Yoda who continues to walk forward.
INT. PARK - DAY
The Stormtrooper sits on a bench with a box of chocolates
on his lap, Takashi sits beside him.
TAKASHI
Where is he?
STORMTROOPER
(Clears throat)
Life. It is like a box of
chocolates, you never really do
know what you're going to get.
TAKASHI
True but if it's just a box of
Turtles then you get exactly what
you expect.
STORMTROOPER
Or do you? Think about it.
TAKASHI
I will but what are you doing
here?
STORMTROOPER
Master Vader sent me here to wait
for you, he said he'd be in the
Matrix when you're ready to fight
him.
TAKASHI
The Matrix?
STORMTROOPER
The final battle is coming
Takashi, I hope you're ready...
He laughs hysterically and pulls out a blaster pistol, he
aims it at Takashi.
TAKASHI
You don't want to do that.
He waves his hand out in front of him, the Stormtrooper
lowers the pistol.
STORMTROOPER
I don't want to do it but I have
to.
He fights the manipulation, pulls the pistol up and fires
it at Takashi who dodges with superhuman speed.
Takashi pulls out his sword and cuts the Stormtroopers
head off, the body falls beside the head.
TAKASHI
I guess I'm going into the Matrix
but how do I get in there?
A white door magically appears, Takashi walks up to it.
He opens the door and a blinding light shines out, he
enters and closes the door.
FADE TO BLACK.
...TO BE CONTINUED...