THE TALE OF TIN CAN KADE (5-page short western screenplay) by Mark Renshaw

On a quest for vengeance, a grieving outlaw’s chance encounter with a scam artist turns out not to be a chance encounter at all…

Today’s review is of yet another short screenplay from the annual Writer’s Tournament, a western written by Mark Renshaw – this was one of Week 4’s top-scoring shorts (there was a three-way tie for top honors). The three criteria elements that Mark was assigned to include in his entry were: an OBSERVATORY, a LEATHER BELT and a PHARMACIST.

We’re taken back to the year 1843 in Cincinnati – back then, it was considered the wild frontier. This was a time when frontier justice was the real law of the land. We meet charismatic outlaw and title character, Kade as he enters the town’s main drag with a tin can strapped to his belt, something rattling inside of it. It’s here where he meets salesman/street pharmacist, Doc Barth, who travels from town to town, selling miracle remedies and cure-all potions to naive townsfolk.

Later that night, while both men yuck it up over a bottle of whiskey at a saloon/cantina, Doc lets Kade in on a little secret in regards to his miracle remedies…

As the night continues, Kade reveals the source of the rattling inside the tin can he keeps with him, calling them his “little reminders” – he shows Doc his daughter’s first tooth she had lost as child.

We find out that Kade is indeed a sentimental man, at least when it comes to his family… a family he lost tragically… a tragedy that has left him thirsty for revenge…

What was really impressive about this script was that it takes you places you’d least expect. Rather than a traditional, rootin’-tootin’ western with shootouts and train robberies, the writer tells a different kind of revenge tale… without compromising the thrills.

BUDGET: Low to Medium due to location.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Mark Renshaw is an award-winning screenwriter/producer, his sci-fi TV pilot script “Nearscape” reaching the semifinals of the prestigious Page Awards and 2nd round of the Austin Film Festival. His short script, “Cyborn” was the inaugural winner of the Inroads Screenwriting Competition. Reaching the top 4% of the BBC’s Open Drama Submission, Mark has also been added to their list of promising writers. His latest sci-fi short, The Survivor: A Tale From the Nearscape, which he wrote and produced, currently has a worldwide distribution deal with Meridian Releasing, also serving as a proof of concept for a TV series. You can check out Mark’s produced films and scripts on his website at www.mark-renshaw.com.

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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

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SHORT FUSE (6-page short dramedy screenplay) by L.Chambers

A young man believing himself to be on the brink of greatness has his dreams crushed when Covid-19 strikes.

All right, after almost five months of the “COVID Blues”, I’m calling it, I’m sure we can all use a little bit of a pick-me-up. Now, you wouldn’t think you’d find that in a COVID-themed script. And I’m sure a lot of people are just sick (no pun intended) of being reminded of everything that’s going on in the world, specifically the goddamned corona virus.

But then, when things seem bleakest, along comes a beacon of light in the form of writer, L. Chambers’ May, One-Week-Challenge Short Fuse tied for First Place, Writer’s Choice, Simply Scripts May, 2020 challenge – The Journal Of the Plague Year – stories real and imagined/inspired by the current pandemic.

We open our story in a 5th floor walk-up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan – I live on the 5th floor of a 6th floor walk-up, so right away, not only can I relate to her main character, but I can feel his pain. We meet a twenty-something named Toby who, like many of us during lockdown, is struggling with his mental health due to the mandated solitary confinement. Disheveled and probably in need of a shower, he sadly scours the internet for a solution…

Twitchy fingers, nails bitten to the quick guide a mouse over internet search results –

The mouse stops on –

Desperate for a pick-me-up himself, and in need of someone to talk to, he gives this online pandemic counseling a shot.

This is when we meet the sassy, cigarette-smoking, Long Island-accented psychotherapist, Judy Goldberg. Think Theresa Caputo from The Long Island Medium, but a therapist instead of a ghost-whisperer.

Judy cuts right to the chase.

We soon find out that, because of the lockdown, Toby has lost a “job” of sorts and no longer feels like he has purpose because of it. He was “number one in his field” as he states later during their conversation.

Though Judy’s assumptions are pretty innocent, through a series of cutaways, we find out that Toby’s failed aspirations were much, much darker than Judy is aware of when we see shots of him tinkering with electronic wires, a battery pack, various chemicals and flammable paraphernalia.

We soon discover exactly what he’s talking about as more visual details emerge, discovering just how dark his aspirations were.

But, Michael, I thought you said this was uplifting?

It actually really is. I won’t give away too much of the ending, but throughout Toby’s depression due to self-quarantining, he grows and becomes a better person once the quarantine is lifted because of it. This also due in large part to Judy’s positive reinforcement, delivered through funny, witty dialogue. Her quirky and fun personality keeps the script from going too dark. She’d be an excellent character for an actor to take on. And the Toby character’s arc is pretty amazing as well, considering this was only a six-page script. This is a testament to some great writing.

Easy to film with great characters, I highly recommend this to any filmmakers looking for a new project during social distancing.

BUDGET: Low. Two actors, speaking through Face Time on a computer. And about 98% of this takes place in Toby’s bedroom, in front of that computer. So this would be pretty easy to film, especially with social distancing precautions.

ABOUT THE WRITER: L.Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia. L. Chambers can be reached at: libbych (a) hotmail.

Read: SHORT FUSE (6-page short dramedy screenplay)

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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secure by Anthony Cawood

A man discovers his fears could be a blessing when a night cab ride goes horribly wrong.

For many metropolitan workers, their daily commute is damned from the moment they walk out the door.

Overcrowded buses and delayed subway trains are daily demons one can’t escape. Mundane monsters which delight in tormenting travelers – making their day Hell from the start.

But getting a comfortable taxi ride isn’t all that bad – right?

Not if you’re Gareth, the protagonist in Anthony Cawood’s “Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured.” Upper-middle class and entitled, Gareth’s arrogant – in some ways. But it just takes a small red light to extinguish all that confidence in a puff of smoke.

You see, Gareth suffers from Cleithrophobia – the fear of being locked in. And when his cab starts rolling, the doors lock. A red light indicates the doors are secured, and Gareth’s phobia kicks in – fast.

Cruising along dark streets, Gareth’s cab starts and stops at every traffic light, lengthening the trip and causing yet more concern. And Gareth’s anxieties certainly aren’t helped by unexpected hazards – like idiots who try to reach into the moving car. Or stand clueless in the road.

There’s something not quite right about these “idiots”. Maybe they’re all drunk and celebrating. Or perhaps it’s something more. A danger that’ll make Gareth feel relieved that he’s locked in.

Unless things get even worse…

Budget: Moderate. Just rent a cab for the day. And a few extras as well….!

About the writer: Anthony Cawood is an award-winning and produced screenwriter. He has sold/optioned four feature screenplays, and sold/optioned over forty short scripts, many of which have been filmed. Outside of his extensive screenwriting career, Anthony is also a published short story writer, interviewer and movie reviewer. Links to his films and details of his scripts can be found at www.anthonycawood.co.uk.

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About the reviewer: Hamish Porter is a writer who, if he was granted one wish, would ask for the skill of being able to write dialogue like Tarantino. Or maybe the ability to teleport. Nah, that’s nothing compared to the former. A lover of philosophy, he’s working on several shorts and a sporting comedy that can only be described as “quintessentially British”. If you want to contact him, he can be emailed: hamishdonaldp (a) gmail. If you’d like to contact him and be subjected to incoherent ramblings, follow him on Twitter @HamishP95.

Violent Domestic by Kirk White

While hiding out from a double-crossing son of a bitch, an outlaw couple faces their greatest fear…waiting for the results of a home pregnancy test.

“If that test is positive, then I’m scared shitless because this is the part that terrifies me… no… not the ‘is it gonna work’ because I can’t control that… but the ‘how does one raise a human being’ aspect which is one hundred percent in our court. That, my love, is the kick in the nuts that keeps me up at night.”

As a father of three I can relate to this dialogue, spoken in Violent Domestic by protagonist Ted. It’s a sentiment voiced by many men, moments after their wife pees on a stick. It’s one of those defining moments in a man’s life – the potential beginning of his legacy. Damned nerved wracking, is what it is – the entirety of one’s future resting on whether there’s one or two lines on that gizmo bought at CVS. If you’ve never found yourself teetering on that particular line of insanity, you have no idea what you’re missing.

And our hero Ted’s in those sniper-sights. As the script opens, Helen’s holed up in a hotel bathroom.

As the obligatory three minutes count down, the couple debate the issue pro and con. A nervous Ted distracts himself with busy work, pulling C-4, guns and money from a bag. Yeah, that’s right. I said C-4. ‘Cause there’s one last detail:

Our lovebirds are two badass thieves, hot off a job gone askew. It’s Kill Bill meets Mr. & Mrs. Smith – with a dose of Parenthood! Like a real life Billy Joe and Bobby Sue*, they’re planning on taking the money and run: a modern day Bonnie and Clyde!

Only it’s not Frank Hamer they’re hiding from. Nope, there’s a particular “Grease Stain in a Suit” named Conn outside. He’s come to collect his cut, no matter what price the couple must pay. Ted negotiates through the window with Conn… stalling until he can hear Helen’s news. Ted and Helen are the ultimate bad “nice guys” – a helluva more sympathetic than Conn. They’re a pair you can’t help but cheer for. And the danger and stakes are sky-high.

A master of his craft, Kirk White weaves Domestic’s dialogue seamlessly. A touch of humor – lots of danger, and protagonists that really breathe. It’s one of those scripts that make you want to know what happens next. Because you love these guys. That’s what happens when a script’s done right. It takes a lot of practice to get to that stage. But when a writer does – the story truly comes alive. (Question is, will Ted and Helen make it out in one piece?)

Brass Tax: this script’s got the goods. Low on budget. High on character. A feel-good action piece with minimal logistics. You want a short that audiences will remember and talk about? Then this is the short for you.

*If you listen to the Steve Miller Band while reading this short, your proposal email to the author will write itself.

About the writer: Kirk White is an independent film maker, web sen”sation” and figure of note in the world of global logistics. He is currently in pre-production on his second feature, The Soul Garden, which will basically be the art-house version of Re-Animator. Kirk can be reached emailed at quitefilm “AT” gmail to request a copy of his work.

Budget: Moderate. Get a hotel room, two damned good actors, and a few props. The rest will handle itself.

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About the reviewer: Rod Thompson is an award winning screenwriter of both features and shorts. His feature, “The Squire” won Best Drama for the 2014 Table Read My Screenplay contest, and he has placed numerous times for his shorts at MoviePoet.com. His short scripts “Gimme Shelter” and “A Memory in Winter” have both been optioned through their exposure on SimplyScripts.com. He is also “the most humble man alive.”

Passage (18 pages in pdf format) by Zach Jansen

The road to Hell is paved with long hallways…

Nothing beats a mystery for getting a reader (and film audience’s) attention. Think about scripts that have truly captured the world’s imagination in recent years: Memento. Source Code. And if you can go low budget, that’s even more gravy on one’s indie plate… Case in point, the tiny SF piece de resistance entitled Moon.

Of course, Moon’s taken. And filmed. Fortunately, it’s not the only gem on the marketplace. ‘Cause Passage is available.

A micro-budget mind twister, Passage opens with our lead (Tommy, 20s), waking up in an unfamiliar hallway. Jessa hovers over him, asking if he’s okay. The two quickly meet cute, and venture out into a maze of generic hallways – seeking an exit to escape. And those hallways go on forever. Until they encounter Mike. And he’s no stranger. Turns out he’s Jessa’s ex. And when Mike sees Tommy, he ain’t too pleased. A few harsh words and misunderstandings later, and Mike knocks poor Tommy out cold.

Tommy wakes up soon after – Jessa hovering over him. Like a rewound VHS, the scene starts to replay, same as before. But Tommy remembers some of it. And everything looks so damned familiar….

The scenario plays out, again and again. Like a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ book, Tommy tries new actions each time. With the unfortunate same result. Knocked out stone cold. On the floor.

…until Tommy decides to fight back. He won’t let Mike get the upper hand this time. Will Tommy find a way out of the maze? Or suffer limbo for eternity?

Think of Passage as Groundhog Day on a micro budget. Only three actors needed, and a generic hallway. It’s a lot of premise, packed into a tiny space. Which makes this one a script you gotta see!

Budget: Minimal. Seriously: three actors and a few long hallways – that’s all you need for this one!

About the writer: Zach Jansen is an award-winning and produced screenwriter from Saint Paul, Minnesota. He enjoys spending time with his kids, anything movies, and sitting at his desk pounding out his next script. If for some reason you want to learn more about him, you can check out his IMDb page or quasi-frequently updated blog.

About the reviewer: Going by the handle “medstudent”, Joseph can be found at Simplyscripts and his script Last Chance has been filmed.

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A Woman Scorned (pdf format) by Marnie Mitchell

A detective investigating a serial killer prostitute finds his fidelity tempted… again.

Murder mysteries have evolved over the years. They’re darker. More violent. Yet certain constants persevere. Whether one’s tastes run to Murder on the Orient Express or Se7en, nothing beats a twisty plot…

…but colorful characters come damned close.   Sure, the question “Whodunnit” will always rein supreme. But “Whydunnit’s” the icing on the cake. The better murder yarns ask both questions. And the best ones answer them.

A Woman Scorned does all that – in a wonderfully gritty fashion.

The script opens on protagonist Dan – a worn out, veteran police detective desperate for transfer from Vice Squad. He and rookie partner John have been called in to assist on a homicide. The victim: a man strapped to the blood stained bed, suffocated with duct tape. Short a left ring finger and wedding band. The digit’s been chopped off with shears. Clearly, this is one hooker with an axe to grind against married men. Fortunately for the cops, she left a clue: a few strands of long black hair.

Following the evidence, Dan journeys to the seedy side of town to interrogate possible suspects. Along the way, he runs into Rebecca – a raven haired prostitute he has history with. History that almost destroyed his marriage. Like an addict weaned from the needle, Dan’s clearly not over Rebecca or his philandering ways. Will Dan crack the case before he drowns in old bad habits – and before other victims die?

Smoothly written, A Woman Scorned features complex characters and a nifty mystery. Custom made for a director of modern noir.

Page Count: 9

Budget: Low to medium. Four main cast members and extras. There are three main locations, including a hotel/motel room, police vehicle; and minor blood effects.

About the Writer: An award winning writer AND photographer, Marnie Mitchell’s website is available at BrainFluffs.com. Marnie’s had 5 shorts produced (so far) and placed Semi-final with her features in BlueCat. Marnie can be contacted via her website.

About the reviewer: Zach Jansen is an award-winning and produced screenwriter from Saint Paul, Minnesota.  He enjoys spending time with his kids, anything movies, and sitting at his desk pounding out his next script.  If for some reason you want to learn more about him – which of course you DO! – you can check out his IMDb page or quasi-frequently updated blog. He can be reached at Zach.Jansen (a) mail.com

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Hi,

There will be some changes coming to SimplyScripts in the upcoming days and weeks. These changes are based on natural realities of the site as well as suggestions from many of you.

1. Format ratings are going away!
The format 8) , format 🙂 and format :B) are going away as will the , , format ratings.

You may have noticed that recently the quality of the formatting of scripts has improved. Not perfect, but much better than in the past. Since the barrier to properly formatting ones script has dropped to essentially free (for a beginner), I have been directing new writers to various free script formatting solutions as well as Anthony’s Excellent Article on Screenwriting Software which can be found in his excellent book How to… Sell your screenplay.

2. There will be a great purge of scripts.^*
Any script on the discussion board with a one or two star rating will be removed. I will first notify the writers that his/her script will be removed and encourage them to reformat his/her script using Anthony’s E. A. on S. S as a guide for the best software solution.

^*Plays will be exempted.

3. “My Script is Awesome, I’m not looking for feedback, I’m only looking to make a million dollars”
The Submit Your Script page will be updated so you can choose whether or not you are looking for feedback on your work. For the near future, I will probably continue to create a discussion board topic regardless of feedback status. That will help to ensure that any critique of a script isn’t falling on deaf ears.

4. pdf only and mandatory disclaimer
I will only accept scripts in pdf format. I may also require title pages that include the warning, “Copyright (c) 2016 This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.”

These changes will be rolled out over the next couple of weeks.

– Don

A Taste for Blood

In the midst of the storm of the century, a group of research scientists become stranded at a remote Antarctic base.  With the weather worsening and food supplies getting low, desperate times call for desperate measures.

 A stranded group in an isolated Arctic location. Low on food, high on paranoia… faced with the need to survive against all odds. Over the years, that scenario’s made for several damned good (and surprisingly varied) films. The Grey. Thirty Days of Night, to name just two. The premise is a recipe for success… if handled correctly. Stephen Wells is a writer that does just that, carving a fresh tale from the concept’s icy foundations.

The heroine of this particular story is Sarah – a researcher at the Bellingley Antarctic Research Station. A storm has hit, and food is running low. Sarah’s husband, Cole, plans to travel to a neighboring station to stock up on supplies. He’ll be back in less than a month – plenty of time. Sarah protests, but Cole insists. They have no choice. He takes off on the arduous trek – leaving Sarah and six other members of the team. Did I mention? Sarah’s pregnant, and almost due.

Not suprisingly, things get more dire as time passes. The team loses radio contact with Cole. As food stores dwindle, a member of the team, Doc, proposes a radical solution. I think you can guess what that is. As the team’s numbers decrease, the remaining survivors become more desperate. In a deadly game of eat or be eaten, who will live another day? Can Sarah save her unborn baby? Can she even save herself?

Beautifully and visually written, A Taste for Blood brings to mind aspects of several film classics: from The Shining to The Thing. But the script has a fresh feel of its own – perfect for a horror director with a taste for drama.

About the writer: Born and raised in England, Stephen Wells is a graphic designer who has been writing for 5 years after getting the screenwriting bug in 2009. He had a feature script optioned in 2013 and placed as a Quarter-Finalist in the 2014 Bluecat feature competition.

Pages: 18

Budget: Not shoestring. But don’t let the setting worry your frugal sensibilities too much. With the exception of an establishing shot (which could theoretically be pulled from stock footage), the story takes place inside. So a dingy warehouse and props could suffice, if handled artfully.

READ THE SCRIPT HERE – AND DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT!!

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All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

Recently, we reviewed Chris Shamburger’s horrific new slasher, Red Light. As readers of Shootin’ the Shorts are aware, our goal at STS is to find new and promising writers, and provide them with the platform they need to get their work seen (then hopefully optioned, and produced!)

One of our not-so-secret weapons in this quest is Danny Manus of No BullScript Consulting. Having worked as a development executive in Hollywood, Danny is an in-demand script consultant, named by Creative Screenwriting Magazine at one of the “Top 15” consultants in their “Cream of the Crop” list.   Partnered with STS, Danny provides wonderfully detailed and helpful notes for the monthly STS feature script.  This coverage is provided free to the writer, and can be posted our site or kept confidential – at the writer’s discretion. But wait – there’s more!  Any script that gets a coveted “recommend” from tough but eminently fair Danny will be featured in his monthly newsletter and may also receive further exposure to his production contacts…

Below – for your Thanksgiving-reading pleasure – please find Danny’s scoresheet for Red Light. (Please note: for this posting, we’ve broken with tradition and redacted the actual coverage notes.) TRUST US: Danny’s notes – as always – were insightful and detailed; an invaluable read.  But we’re allergic to spoilers here at STS. So we’re keeping THAT under our Turkey table today!

But a Strong Consider from No Bullscript?  You better damned well grab this gem while you can! 🙂 Contact writer Chris at cshamburger “AT” live dot com for a copy of the script!

**To submit a script, please visit STS at the page listed HERE. Danny can also be contacted directly via the No BullScript Consulting website at http://www.nobullscript.net/contact/. Or on Twitter @DannyManus.

NO BULLSCRIPT ANALYSIS

 Title: Red Light

Type of Material: Screenplay

Author:  Chris Shamburger

Number of Pages: 102

Circa:  Present

Location:  Arizona

Genre:  Slasher/Horror

Coverage Date:   11/19/15

Budget Range: Low

LOGLINE: When three teens challenge a local ghost story by running a red light, they find themselves the next targets of a seemingly supernatural entity bent on revenge but the truth behind the legend may be even more deadly.

NO BULLSCRIPT 20 POINT GRADING SHEET AND RECOMMENDATION:

PROJECT: STRONG CONSIDER 

About the writer: Chris Shamburger was a finalist (Top 10) in the 2013 Shriekfest Film Festival for his recently-produced script, Hiccups. He has been a semi-finalist twice and has also been published in Twisted Dreams Magazineand Horror in Words. Chris lives in Marietta, GA with his partner and their Chow-mix rescue, Walter. Aside from writing, Chris has been teaching pre-kindergarten for the past six years. You can find him on IMDb here:  Permalink | Comments Off on No BullScript Consulting – Danny Manus Script Review (Red Light)