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First Draft October 15, 2005 - December 22, 2005 "THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE" Episode #1 "Pilot" Written and Created by John Manson ACT ONE FADE IN: SUPERED OVER A BLACK BACKGROUND: "FRIDAY 1:34 a.m." INT. LUKE AND STEVEN'S BEDROOM - THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT - (NIGHT 1) The ending credit music for "Late Night With Conan O' Brien" plays from the TV. LUKE, 14, and his cousin, JERRY, 16, stare at the screen with a look of boredom and slowly fading interest. The room is small, with two beds and a few windows. Luke is lying on the floor in front of the entertainment center and Jerry is on the futon next to him. LUKE (flipping channels) There's nothing on. (flip) Crap. (flip) Crap. (flip) JERRY Just put it on the country channel, and stop whining. It makes me wanna barf. The video for "Mississippi Girl", a song by Faith Hill, is on CMT. It's a video they've seen many times. LUKE (re: Faith) Ooo, check that out. JERRY I've seen it, thank you. LUKE Yeah, well. (turning to his Faith Hill poster) She is hot, though. 2. JERRY Shania Twain is hotter. LUKE You're crazy. JERRY I don't know... I think Shania might be hotter. LUKE No way, man! Faith is definitely hotter. JERRY We agree to disagree. LUKE Fine. But I'm still right. They watch the video for a few more seconds. Luke smiles to himself, amused by one of his own thoughts. JERRY (wanting in on it) What? LUKE You know what would be awesome, and a great solution to our problem? JERRY What? LUKE (giddy) A threesome. Jerry can't help laughing out loud. JERRY That would be awesome. LUKE I mean, just thinking about them making-out with each other is enough. But a real, live threesome. (waits for initial laughter to die off) You think it could happen? JERRY With us? 3. LUKE Yeah. JERRY I would doubt it. LUKE Why? It could happen. JERRY What would you say? "My name's Luke. I'm fourteen, and I was wondering if you'd like to have a threesome with me." LUKE No. It doesn't have to be when I'm fourteen. It could happen whenever. JERRY I really don't think so. LUKE Why not? JERRY For starters, they're both married. LUKE (facing the painful reality) Oh... yeah. (under his breath) Fucking Tim Mcgraw. Their attention returns to the television. Luke's non- identical twin brother, STEVEN, makes sleeping noises from his bed. LUKE Hey, did you know that Steven's going out with Gwen again? JERRY Why? LUKE He asked that girl Charlotte Townsend to go with him to Tim Keebler's party and she said she wasn't going, so he asked Gwen instead. JERRY Couldn't he have just gone by himself? 4. LUKE Yeah, I guess. JERRY And she's the one who sends him like twenty e-mails a day begging him to go back out with her? LUKE Uh-huh. Maybe he's retarded. They laugh. JERRY You gonna ask anyone? LUKE Ask anyone what? JERRY To Keebler's party? LUKE (doubtful) I don't know. JERRY What about Megan Bauer? You two seem like pretty good friends. LUKE (timid) Yeah. JERRY Why don't you ask her? LUKE It's weird. JERRY Weird how? Like clown weird? LUKE Because if I ask her and she says 'no', then I would end up looking really stupid. JERRY Do it when no one's looking. LUKE Jerry... 5. JERRY Luke, you'll never know if she likes you if you don't ask. Now be a man! LUKE Maybe I will. JERRY You won't. You never do. LUKE I'll have to eventually. JERRY And you said she was good-looking, right? LUKE Yeah, but... JERRY Then, what's the problem? LUKE What if she tells everybody? JERRY So what? You'd be more respected for doing it. Do you know how many other fourteen year olds there are out there who quiver at the thought of asking a girl out? Wouldn't it be great to be one of the few who actually did something about it? LUKE I just don't want people talking about me. JERRY Well, you shouldn't ask her if she's not worth the trouble. (beat) Is she? LUKE I don't know. Maybe. JERRY Just maybe? LUKE Yeah, maybe. As in, I don't know yet. 6. JERRY Well, if you do ask her, be sure you're sincere about it. Because the one thing she'll know for sure is whether or not you really want a relationship. LUKE How? JERRY I don't know. It's like a weird sixth sense. Luke nods. LUKE Jerry, how do you know all this stuff? JERRY A lotta "Lifetime" television, and a few re-runs of Sisters. It fills your senses. Steven wakes up. He looks at his clock and then at Luke and Jerry. STEVEN (peeved) Hey! You guys are supposed to be in bed. It's a school night, you know. LUKE Yeah, just shut up and go back to sleep. Luke and Jerry crack up. Steven covers up and goes back to sleep. "Anything but Mine" by Kenny Chesney is on TV as we... DISSOLVE TO: INT. JOHNSON KITCHEN - THE NEXT MORNING (DAY 2) Luke stares at Steven from across the kitchen table. STEVEN What? LUKE You're eating cereal with a fork? STEVEN I like to drink the milk separate. Is that a problem? 7. LUKE No. I've heard that a lot of famous people eat cereal with a fork. STEVEN Like who? LUKE Richard Simmons, Saddam, Pauly Shore, Jarred Subway, the Bush's Bean guy... STEVEN (dry) Ha. Ha. Jerry enters. JERRY You guys ever wake up with like the perfect hairdo? STEVEN I'm not vain about things like that. JERRY Hey, it's the forkman! STEVEN Very funny. Jerry gets a glass of orange juice and joins Luke and Steven at the table. JERRY So what time's the party? STEVEN Sevenish. JERRY And you have Keebler's address? LUKE My mom does. His mom works at her school. JERRY Aunt Brenda knows Mrs. Keebler? LUKE Yeah. 8. JERRY You know what they say about her, don't you? STEVEN Who? JERRY Keebler's mom. STEVEN No, what? JERRY I heard that she was having an affair with Coach Morris. STEVEN Come on... JERRY No, really. Tim couldn't make the football team, so his mom did it with the coach like fifty times until he let Keebler join. LUKE I didn't see him at the game last week. JERRY He got kicked off after the second practice. It's really a sad story. There's a long, gloomy silence. Steven can't stand it any longer and has to say something. STEVEN Are you bringing a date, Jerry? JERRY No. My goal is to actually have a good time. STEVEN Gwen's gonna kill me at this party. I know she is. It's like she can't help but be constantly annoying. JERRY What I can't understand is why you'd go back out with a girl like Gwen in the first place. 9. LUKE Steven's always been fond of stalkers. STEVEN At least I have a date. LUKE I could get a date if I wanted to, couldn't I, Jerry? JERRY Neutral. STEVEN (to Luke) I'd like to see that happen. LUKE You wanna bet with me? STEVEN Maybe I do! LUKE Then you're on, buddy. STEVEN Alright! They shake on it. Steven puts his bowl in the sink and exits. LUKE (dropping his face into his hands) What the crap did I just do? JERRY What? LUKE (panicky) I can't ask Megan out. JERRY It's no sweat. I'll walk you through the whole thing. LUKE Really? JERRY Sure. Where are you gonna ask her? 10. LUKE English class. Mr. Bobeck. JERRY Mr. Bobeck? LUKE Yeah. JERRY I had him in the ninth grade. Neurotic? LUKE More than ever. JERRY Where's Megan sit? In front of you? LUKE Next to. JERRY Left or right side? LUKE Right. JERRY Long hair? LUKE I don't know, she wears it up sometimes. JERRY Okay, this is what you gotta do: You lean over to her and you simply say... QUICK CUT TO: INT. MR. BOBECK'S ENGLISH CLASS - DAY (DAY 2) Luke leans over to MEGAN BAUER, the attractive girl in the seat next to his. LUKE (playing casual) You wanna go to Keebler's party with me tonight? MEGAN Yeah, cool. You mean like carpool? 11. LUKE (becoming nervous at the unfortunate turn of events) Ummm... MEGAN 'Cause I got these friends that're going and I think I'd be cool if we all went together. LUKE (caving) Okay, yeah, sure, great, carpool, great, yeah, sure. MEGAN Great, I'll get my mom to stop by your place tonight. You still live on Foghorn? LUKE I thought I could pick you up. My cousin, Jerry and Steven are going. MEGAN Don't be silly. My mom's got "the van" remember? LUKE Oh, yeah. "The van." MEGAN I'll see you tonight. LUKE Okay. Super. Smiling, Megan turns away. Luke sinks in his seat. FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE. 12. ACT TWO FADE IN: EXT. JOHNSON HOUSE - ESTABLISHING SHOT - NIGHT (STOCK) INT. JERRY'S ROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT 2) Jerry, Luke, and Steven, wearing clothes for the party, check themselves in a long, full-length mirror, which is just one of the many large pieces of furniture crammed into this little room. The boys stand in the two-foot-long empty space in the middle of the room. JERRY I can't believe you caved. STEVEN (laughing) I knew it. I told you it would happen. LUKE (down on himself) You guys should've seen it. My mind kept telling me to "say no. say no." But once it realized I was talking to a girl, it switched into automatic agreeable mode. JERRY I really don't want to go to the party with Megan's friends. LUKE Neither do I. I wanted us to be alone. Now everything's all screwed up. STEVEN I don't want to seem insensitive, but does this mean I win the bet? Luke and Steven's mom, BRENDA, enters. BRENDA Hey, freeloaders, that girl's mom is here. And Jerry, I told your dad that you wouldn't be back until later to go home. (admiring their wardrobe) Righteous duds. Don't tell me you guys actually managed to get dates? 13. STEVEN Yep. LUKE Kinda. JERRY No. BRENDA Steven's the only one with a date? (to Luke and Jerry) That's pretty sad, guys. STEVEN (suffering another massive blow to his already bruised ego) Thanks, mom. Always helpful. BRENDA Who's the semi-fortunate girl? STEVEN You remember Gwen Taylor? BRENDA Gwen? The psycho Gwen? STEVEN (desperate for approval) Mom... BRENDA No, I'm sorry. Gwen was really... nice. LUKE Nice and crazy. Jerry and Brenda chuckle. STEVEN Not funny. LUKE (with one last hair adjustment) Okay. I'm ready, let's go. They move out of the room. 14. BRENDA (calling after them) See ya, fellas! Tell me all about it when you get back! I'm the mood for a good laugh! Brenda shuts out the light and exits. INT. KEEBLER'S HOUSE - PARTY ROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT 2) The party is in full swing. Loud, dance music plays from the expensive, fully-loaded stereo system. Luke, Megan, Jerry, Steven, and his date, GWEN, enter, feeling like they've arrived two hours late for a party that started two hours early. Gwen is tall, feisty and very overplayed. LUKE Wow. This place is huge. JERRY Must be from all the whore money Mrs. Keebler got from Coach Morris. Gwen laughs more than what would be considered normal. GWEN That was so funny wasn't it, Steven? STEVEN It was okay. GWEN (quickly composing herself) You're right. I took it too far. I'm sorry. Sometimes I go overboard. I know. It's my fault. God, I'm so stupid. Can you ever forgive me? STEVEN Why not? GWEN Oh, thank God! MEGAN Sorry my friends couldn't make it, guys. LUKE (pleased) That's okay. We can still have a good time. 15. JERRY (under his breath) I'm sure you can, Romeo. TIM KEEBLER, our host, greets them with a smug, self- confident smile. He has his father's money and his mother's good-looks. KEEBLER Hey, hey, hey, gang! JERRY Keebler! KEEBLER Hey, now! It's Jerry Underwear! JERRY It's Underwood, actually. KEEBLER Of course it is. STEVEN What's up, Tim? KEEBLER Steven... Who invited you? STEVEN (nervous) Uh, well, I just thought that, you know, because we went to Space Camp together, that I would be, uh, you know, allowed to, umm, make my presence known at such a... ahh...well, the thing is... KEEBLER (slaps him on the back) I'm just messin' with ya, fungus face. Who's your date there? STEVEN (reluctantly) She's Gwen. KEEBLER The Gwen? STEVEN (soft) Yeah. 16. KEEBLER Well, good luck with that. (addressing all) You guys have fun. There's a bootleg copy of "King Kong" screening in the master bedroom and "Brokeback Mountain" in the den. LUKE "Brokeback Mountain"? KEEBLER (defensive) It's my sister's! And besides, ol' Steven here needs something to watch too, right? Steven says nothing. KEEBLER (CONT'D) Speaking of which, Jerry, could you do me a solid and bring the spare TV up from the basement? Some of the science geeks got word that I have a copy of "March of the Penguins." JERRY Sure. Isn't doing work the whole point of going to a party? KEEBLER There's that wit. I love it. Keebler moves away to greet another group of people arriving at the door. JERRY (to his group, sounding like someone giving directions) If you guys want me, I'll be somewhere between the burnouts and the skanks. If you run into a guy- on-guy make-out session, you've gone too far. Jerry departs. STEVEN (to Gwen) You wanna get some punch? 17. GWEN Do I want some punch? It's only like the greatest drink ever! STEVEN (awkwardly) I like orange soda myself. GWEN Me too! They exit. LUKE They're quite a couple. MEGAN The sophisticate and the psycho. INT. HALLWAY Jerry enters a deserted hallway. He checks a few doors until he finds the one for the basement. He flips on the light and steps inside. INT. PARTY ROOM Luke and Megan sit on a couch, eating from a bowl of pretzels. A couple is making out right next to them. LUKE I'll bet you those two didn't even know each other before tonight. Megan checks her watch. LUKE Don't worry, we've got plenty of time. MEGAN No, it's just that my date was supposed to be here by now. He must've hit traffic. LUKE You have a date? MEGAN I'm sure I told you. LUKE I'm sure you didn't. 18. MEGAN Is this a problem? LUKE (obviously distraught) Are you kidding? I'm fine. I'm just kinda surprised, that's all. (quickly rises) I think I'm gonna go look around some. Luke tries to casually walk away. Megan is left, feeling uneasy. INT. BASEMENT Jerry struggles up the basement stairs with the heavy TV set. He turns the knob, but the door doesn't open. He tries again. Same result. He puts the box down and begins to fight forcefully to get the door open. It doesn't budge. JERRY Oh, I don't believe this! He continues fighting. JERRY Help! Help! INT. HALLWAY Jerry's screams don't stand a chance against the loud music. INT. PARTY ROOM - SPOT NEAR THE PUNCHBOWL Steven and Gwen stand together against a wall in a corner of the room overlooking the dance floor. GWEN Do you wanna dance? STEVEN I don't think so. GWEN Come on, Steven. You never wanna do anything with me. STEVEN And why do you think that is? GWEN Come on. Let's do something. 19. STEVEN Gwen, I don't wanna do -- (stops suddenly) GWEN What? Are you having a heart attack? STEVEN It's her. GWEN Her who? Cher? Madonna? Michael Jackson? STEVEN It's Charlotte. GWEN Charlotte who? STEVEN Charlotte, the girl I... I'll be right back. Steven hurries off. INT. BASEMENT Jerry runs at the door at full speed. He hits it hard and springs backwards onto the floor. EXT. FRONT PORCH Luke sits on the stoop. The door opens and Steven comes out. He sits down beside him. STEVEN Charlotte's here. I saw her dancing with some guy. LUKE Did you say anything to her? STEVEN No. I was currently tied down by a ninety-five pound time bomb, who, I'm sure, would've detonated in my face at the mention of any other female human being who isn't her. Besides, I doubt I would have anything to say. (MORE) 20. STEVEN (CONT'D) If I ask her why she lied to me, the only thing I could possibly get in return is more reasons to add to the "why Steven is a loser" list. Not really a victory in my book. LUKE Then, don't let her say anything bad about you. STEVEN What? LUKE Start tearing her down right off the bat, don't let her get a word in. STEVEN So, you're saying I walk up, start trashing her, and I walk away before she can say anything bad about me? (a moment of thought) That's brilliant. LUKE And in the end, you look cooler than ever. STEVEN That's great! Thanks, Luke. (heads inside, voice trailing off) Look out, baby! Luke laughs to himself and steps out onto the lawn. He tilts his head back and looks up at the stars in the clear night's sky. He lies down on the cool grass and stares upward. MEGAN (O.S.) Which one's your favorite? Luke looks back and sees Megan moving towards him. LUKE I always liked the really bright one. MEGAN That's Venus, you know? LUKE Oh. Well, I guess I'm just the king of misunderstandings tonight, huh? 21. She lies down next to him, also starring forward. MEGAN It's not really all your fault. LUKE The way I see it, It's not any my fault. MEGAN I'm sorry, okay. LUKE You should've said something. MEGAN How was I to know that you'd get all upset if I brought a date? LUKE Because... I don't know. Maybe I thought that... MEGAN I liked you? LUKE Yeah. MEGAN You're my friend, Luke. A close friend. I don't want to screw that up. What if we started dating and it didn't work out? We couldn't go back to the way things are. LUKE I know. I was just being stupid. MEGAN You were being yourself. It's understandable. LUKE I'm just not good at putting on the acts to impress people. You know? MEGAN Hey, you're not the only one. I'm not very good at relationships either. Hell, my date never even showed up. Luke laughs. 22. LUKE That's true. You're as bad off as I am. MEGAN Well at least I still have my good- looks. LUKE Shut up-a yo face. They both laugh. MEGAN So you wanna go back in? LUKE No, I wanna enjoy this. Megan smiles as they stare together at the twinkling lights billions of miles away. INT. BASEMENT CLOSET The door opens and light engulfs the lens. Jerry parts the clothes rack and begins looking through random boxes. Near the back he finds one labeled "DVDs". He picks the box up and closes the door. The closet returns to black. INT. PARTY ROOM Steven stands in a corner observing Charlotte dancing with her date. He's picking the moment to strike. As if a sign by God, the dance floor parts, creating a path straight from him to her. He gets his nerve up and starts his approach, moving in SLOW MOTION towards her. Time is standing still for Steven as he gets closer and closer, filling his head with all the thing we wants to say to her. He steps beside her and looks her dead in the eye. And... STEVEN Excuse me Charlotte... I have something I'd like to say... Right on cue, Keebler pops out of one of the connecting rooms and gets the party's undivided attention. KEEBLER Attention, people! We cannot find "March of the Penguins"! If you're holding it for ransom, please state your demands! 23. CHARLOTTE (to Steven) What did you want? STEVEN (his moment blown) Oh... uh... I just wanted to let you know that I eat cereal with a fork. Good evening. He walks away, tail between his legs. KEEBLER Come on, guys, I need that movie! The nerds are getting restless! INT. BASEMENT Jerry keeps injecting a DVD as the player rejects it repeatedly. He has it hooked up to the spare TV with the disc's empty case on the floor, identifying it as "March of the Penguins". INT. PARTY ROOM Keebler approaches Steven, who's sitting alone, looking very forlorn. KEEBLER Hey, Steve-o, where's your cousin? I need him to help me look for the movie. STEVEN I don't know, I haven't seen him since he went to the basement to get that TV. KEEBLER (remembering) The basement. INT. BASEMENT Jerry injects "March of the Penguins" and it's rejected once again. He sends it back in and puts his hand over the door, preventing the machine from spiting back out. The player begins making noises and a "DVD Malfuction" message appears on the TV screen. The basement door opens and Keebler hurries down to Jerry. KEEBLER Hey Jerry, have you-- 24. "POP!" The noises stop. Jerry hits the eject button and holds up the player. Little pieces of disc fall to the floor. KEEBLER Was that... JERRY Yeah, probably. FADE TO: INT. MEGAN'S MOM'S VAN - LATER THAT NIGHT (NIGHT 2) Luke, Megan, Jerry, Steven, and Gwen ride in opposite facing couches in the back of the spacious, flamboyantly decorated van. The party's over and the night's winding down. Jerry telling a story. JERRY Anyway, he told me I'd have to buy him another one. LUKE How much are those bootlegged? JERRY I don't know. I don't think I'm really even gonna buy him one. MEGAN Jerry, I've been meaning to ask you why you live and go to school with your cousins? JERRY My dad lives in the Ghetto. I don't wanna get stabbed. MEGAN Enough said. Steven opens the mini fridge and removes two orange sodas. He hands one to Gwen. MEGAN Someone put on some tunes. Jerry goes over to the stereo. He chooses a CD from the vast music collection and inserts it. The song "Kiss Me" begins to play from the surround sound speakers. GWEN Ooh, I love this song. 25. STEVEN Yeah, me too. JERRY (to Megan) This is quite a set-up you got here, Meg. MEGAN Thanks. It's one of a kind. LUKE It really lives up to its reputation. Steven looks out the window. STEVEN Hey, look! It's a clear night. You can even see the stars. GWEN (joining him at the window) Hey, what's that really bright one? Luke and Megan share a humorous glance. LUKE I think that's Venus. FADE OUT. END OF EPISODE.
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