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First Draft
October 15, 2005 -
December 22, 2005
"THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE"
Episode #1
"Pilot"
Written and Created
by
John Manson
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
SUPERED OVER A BLACK BACKGROUND:
"FRIDAY
1:34 a.m."
INT. LUKE AND STEVEN'S BEDROOM - THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT -
(NIGHT 1)
The ending credit music for "Late Night With Conan O' Brien"
plays from the TV. LUKE, 14, and his cousin, JERRY, 16,
stare at the screen with a look of boredom and slowly fading
interest. The room is small, with two beds and a few windows.
Luke is lying on the floor in front of the entertainment
center and Jerry is on the futon next to him.
LUKE
(flipping channels)
There's nothing on.
(flip)
Crap.
(flip)
Crap.
(flip)
JERRY
Just put it on the country channel,
and stop whining. It makes me wanna
barf.
The video for "Mississippi Girl", a song by Faith Hill, is
on CMT. It's a video they've seen many times.
LUKE
(re: Faith)
Ooo, check that out.
JERRY
I've seen it, thank you.
LUKE
Yeah, well.
(turning to his Faith
Hill poster)
She is hot, though.
2.
JERRY
Shania Twain is hotter.
LUKE
You're crazy.
JERRY
I don't know... I think Shania
might be hotter.
LUKE
No way, man! Faith is definitely
hotter.
JERRY
We agree to disagree.
LUKE
Fine. But I'm still right.
They watch the video for a few more seconds. Luke smiles to
himself, amused by one of his own thoughts.
JERRY
(wanting in on it)
What?
LUKE
You know what would be awesome, and
a great solution to our problem?
JERRY
What?
LUKE
(giddy)
A threesome.
Jerry can't help laughing out loud.
JERRY
That would be awesome.
LUKE
I mean, just thinking about them
making-out with each other is
enough. But a real, live threesome.
(waits for initial
laughter to die off)
You think it could happen?
JERRY
With us?
3.
LUKE
Yeah.
JERRY
I would doubt it.
LUKE
Why? It could happen.
JERRY
What would you say? "My name's Luke.
I'm fourteen, and I was wondering
if you'd like to have a threesome
with me."
LUKE
No. It doesn't have to be when I'm
fourteen. It could happen whenever.
JERRY
I really don't think so.
LUKE
Why not?
JERRY
For starters, they're both married.
LUKE
(facing the painful reality)
Oh... yeah.
(under his breath)
Fucking Tim Mcgraw.
Their attention returns to the television. Luke's non-
identical twin brother, STEVEN, makes sleeping noises from
his bed.
LUKE
Hey, did you know that Steven's
going out with Gwen again?
JERRY
Why?
LUKE
He asked that girl Charlotte
Townsend to go with him to Tim
Keebler's party and she said she
wasn't going, so he asked Gwen instead.
JERRY
Couldn't he have just gone by himself?
4.
LUKE
Yeah, I guess.
JERRY
And she's the one who sends him
like twenty e-mails a day begging
him to go back out with her?
LUKE
Uh-huh. Maybe he's retarded.
They laugh.
JERRY
You gonna ask anyone?
LUKE
Ask anyone what?
JERRY
To Keebler's party?
LUKE
(doubtful)
I don't know.
JERRY
What about Megan Bauer? You two
seem like pretty good friends.
LUKE
(timid)
Yeah.
JERRY
Why don't you ask her?
LUKE
It's weird.
JERRY
Weird how? Like clown weird?
LUKE
Because if I ask her and she says
'no', then I would end up looking
really stupid.
JERRY
Do it when no one's looking.
LUKE
Jerry...
5.
JERRY
Luke, you'll never know if she
likes you if you don't ask. Now be
a man!
LUKE
Maybe I will.
JERRY
You won't. You never do.
LUKE
I'll have to eventually.
JERRY
And you said she was good-looking,
right?
LUKE
Yeah, but...
JERRY
Then, what's the problem?
LUKE
What if she tells everybody?
JERRY
So what? You'd be more respected
for doing it. Do you know how many
other fourteen year olds there are
out there who quiver at the thought
of asking a girl out? Wouldn't it
be great to be one of the few who
actually did something about it?
LUKE
I just don't want people talking
about me.
JERRY
Well, you shouldn't ask her if
she's not worth the trouble.
(beat)
Is she?
LUKE
I don't know. Maybe.
JERRY
Just maybe?
LUKE
Yeah, maybe. As in, I don't know yet.
6.
JERRY
Well, if you do ask her, be sure
you're sincere about it. Because
the one thing she'll know for sure
is whether or not you really want a
relationship.
LUKE
How?
JERRY
I don't know. It's like a weird
sixth sense.
Luke nods.
LUKE
Jerry, how do you know all this stuff?
JERRY
A lotta "Lifetime" television, and
a few re-runs of Sisters. It fills
your senses.
Steven wakes up. He looks at his clock and then at Luke and
Jerry.
STEVEN
(peeved)
Hey! You guys are supposed to be in
bed. It's a school night, you know.
LUKE
Yeah, just shut up and go back to
sleep.
Luke and Jerry crack up. Steven covers up and goes back to
sleep. "Anything but Mine" by Kenny Chesney is on TV as we...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. JOHNSON KITCHEN - THE NEXT MORNING (DAY 2)
Luke stares at Steven from across the kitchen table.
STEVEN
What?
LUKE
You're eating cereal with a fork?
STEVEN
I like to drink the milk separate.
Is that a problem?
7.
LUKE
No. I've heard that a lot of famous
people eat cereal with a fork.
STEVEN
Like who?
LUKE
Richard Simmons, Saddam, Pauly
Shore, Jarred Subway, the Bush's
Bean guy...
STEVEN
(dry)
Ha. Ha.
Jerry enters.
JERRY
You guys ever wake up with like the
perfect hairdo?
STEVEN
I'm not vain about things like that.
JERRY
Hey, it's the forkman!
STEVEN
Very funny.
Jerry gets a glass of orange juice and joins Luke and Steven
at the table.
JERRY
So what time's the party?
STEVEN
Sevenish.
JERRY
And you have Keebler's address?
LUKE
My mom does. His mom works at her
school.
JERRY
Aunt Brenda knows Mrs. Keebler?
LUKE
Yeah.
8.
JERRY
You know what they say about her,
don't you?
STEVEN
Who?
JERRY
Keebler's mom.
STEVEN
No, what?
JERRY
I heard that she was having an
affair with Coach Morris.
STEVEN
Come on...
JERRY
No, really. Tim couldn't make the
football team, so his mom did it
with the coach like fifty times
until he let Keebler join.
LUKE
I didn't see him at the game last week.
JERRY
He got kicked off after the second
practice. It's really a sad story.
There's a long, gloomy silence. Steven can't stand it any
longer and has to say something.
STEVEN
Are you bringing a date, Jerry?
JERRY
No. My goal is to actually have a
good time.
STEVEN
Gwen's gonna kill me at this party.
I know she is. It's like she can't
help but be constantly annoying.
JERRY
What I can't understand is why
you'd go back out with a girl like
Gwen in the first place.
9.
LUKE
Steven's always been fond of stalkers.
STEVEN
At least I have a date.
LUKE
I could get a date if I wanted to,
couldn't I, Jerry?
JERRY
Neutral.
STEVEN
(to Luke)
I'd like to see that happen.
LUKE
You wanna bet with me?
STEVEN
Maybe I do!
LUKE
Then you're on, buddy.
STEVEN
Alright!
They shake on it. Steven puts his bowl in the sink and exits.
LUKE
(dropping his face
into his hands)
What the crap did I just do?
JERRY
What?
LUKE
(panicky)
I can't ask Megan out.
JERRY
It's no sweat. I'll walk you
through the whole thing.
LUKE
Really?
JERRY
Sure. Where are you gonna ask her?
10.
LUKE
English class. Mr. Bobeck.
JERRY
Mr. Bobeck?
LUKE
Yeah.
JERRY
I had him in the ninth grade. Neurotic?
LUKE
More than ever.
JERRY
Where's Megan sit? In front of you?
LUKE
Next to.
JERRY
Left or right side?
LUKE
Right.
JERRY
Long hair?
LUKE
I don't know, she wears it up
sometimes.
JERRY
Okay, this is what you gotta do:
You lean over to her and you simply
say...
QUICK CUT TO:
INT. MR. BOBECK'S ENGLISH CLASS - DAY (DAY 2)
Luke leans over to MEGAN BAUER, the attractive girl in the
seat next to his.
LUKE
(playing casual)
You wanna go to Keebler's party
with me tonight?
MEGAN
Yeah, cool. You mean like carpool?
11.
LUKE
(becoming nervous at
the unfortunate turn
of events)
Ummm...
MEGAN
'Cause I got these friends that're
going and I think I'd be cool if we
all went together.
LUKE
(caving)
Okay, yeah, sure, great, carpool,
great, yeah, sure.
MEGAN
Great, I'll get my mom to stop by
your place tonight. You still live
on Foghorn?
LUKE
I thought I could pick you up. My
cousin, Jerry and Steven are going.
MEGAN
Don't be silly. My mom's got "the
van" remember?
LUKE
Oh, yeah. "The van."
MEGAN
I'll see you tonight.
LUKE
Okay. Super.
Smiling, Megan turns away. Luke sinks in his seat.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE.
12.
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. JOHNSON HOUSE - ESTABLISHING SHOT - NIGHT (STOCK)
INT. JERRY'S ROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT 2)
Jerry, Luke, and Steven, wearing clothes for the party,
check themselves in a long, full-length mirror, which is
just one of the many large pieces of furniture crammed into
this little room. The boys stand in the two-foot-long empty
space in the middle of the room.
JERRY
I can't believe you caved.
STEVEN
(laughing)
I knew it. I told you it would happen.
LUKE
(down on himself)
You guys should've seen it. My mind
kept telling me to "say no. say no."
But once it realized I was talking
to a girl, it switched into
automatic agreeable mode.
JERRY
I really don't want to go to the
party with Megan's friends.
LUKE
Neither do I. I wanted us to be
alone. Now everything's all screwed up.
STEVEN
I don't want to seem insensitive,
but does this mean I win the bet?
Luke and Steven's mom, BRENDA, enters.
BRENDA
Hey, freeloaders, that girl's mom
is here. And Jerry, I told your dad
that you wouldn't be back until
later to go home.
(admiring their wardrobe)
Righteous duds. Don't tell me you
guys actually managed to get dates?
13.
STEVEN
Yep.
LUKE
Kinda.
JERRY
No.
BRENDA
Steven's the only one with a date?
(to Luke and Jerry)
That's pretty sad, guys.
STEVEN
(suffering another
massive blow to his
already bruised ego)
Thanks, mom. Always helpful.
BRENDA
Who's the semi-fortunate girl?
STEVEN
You remember Gwen Taylor?
BRENDA
Gwen? The psycho Gwen?
STEVEN
(desperate for approval)
Mom...
BRENDA
No, I'm sorry. Gwen was really... nice.
LUKE
Nice and crazy.
Jerry and Brenda chuckle.
STEVEN
Not funny.
LUKE
(with one last hair adjustment)
Okay. I'm ready, let's go.
They move out of the room.
14.
BRENDA
(calling after them)
See ya, fellas! Tell me all about
it when you get back! I'm the mood
for a good laugh!
Brenda shuts out the light and exits.
INT. KEEBLER'S HOUSE - PARTY ROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT 2)
The party is in full swing. Loud, dance music plays from the
expensive, fully-loaded stereo system. Luke, Megan, Jerry,
Steven, and his date, GWEN, enter, feeling like they've
arrived two hours late for a party that started two hours
early. Gwen is tall, feisty and very overplayed.
LUKE
Wow. This place is huge.
JERRY
Must be from all the whore money
Mrs. Keebler got from Coach Morris.
Gwen laughs more than what would be considered normal.
GWEN
That was so funny wasn't it, Steven?
STEVEN
It was okay.
GWEN
(quickly composing herself)
You're right. I took it too far.
I'm sorry. Sometimes I go overboard.
I know. It's my fault. God, I'm so
stupid. Can you ever forgive me?
STEVEN
Why not?
GWEN
Oh, thank God!
MEGAN
Sorry my friends couldn't make it,
guys.
LUKE
(pleased)
That's okay. We can still have a
good time.
15.
JERRY
(under his breath)
I'm sure you can, Romeo.
TIM KEEBLER, our host, greets them with a smug, self-
confident smile. He has his father's money and his mother's
good-looks.
KEEBLER
Hey, hey, hey, gang!
JERRY
Keebler!
KEEBLER
Hey, now! It's Jerry Underwear!
JERRY
It's Underwood, actually.
KEEBLER
Of course it is.
STEVEN
What's up, Tim?
KEEBLER
Steven... Who invited you?
STEVEN
(nervous)
Uh, well, I just thought that, you
know, because we went to Space Camp
together, that I would be, uh, you
know, allowed to, umm, make my
presence known at such a...
ahh...well, the thing is...
KEEBLER
(slaps him on the back)
I'm just messin' with ya, fungus
face. Who's your date there?
STEVEN
(reluctantly)
She's Gwen.
KEEBLER
The Gwen?
STEVEN
(soft)
Yeah.
16.
KEEBLER
Well, good luck with that.
(addressing all)
You guys have fun. There's a
bootleg copy of "King Kong"
screening in the master bedroom and
"Brokeback Mountain" in the den.
LUKE
"Brokeback Mountain"?
KEEBLER
(defensive)
It's my sister's! And besides, ol'
Steven here needs something to
watch too, right?
Steven says nothing.
KEEBLER (CONT'D)
Speaking of which, Jerry, could you
do me a solid and bring the spare
TV up from the basement? Some of
the science geeks got word that I
have a copy of "March of the Penguins."
JERRY
Sure. Isn't doing work the whole
point of going to a party?
KEEBLER
There's that wit. I love it.
Keebler moves away to greet another group of people arriving
at the door.
JERRY
(to his group,
sounding like someone
giving directions)
If you guys want me, I'll be
somewhere between the burnouts and
the skanks. If you run into a guy-
on-guy make-out session, you've
gone too far.
Jerry departs.
STEVEN
(to Gwen)
You wanna get some punch?
17.
GWEN
Do I want some punch? It's only
like the greatest drink ever!
STEVEN
(awkwardly)
I like orange soda myself.
GWEN
Me too!
They exit.
LUKE
They're quite a couple.
MEGAN
The sophisticate and the psycho.
INT. HALLWAY
Jerry enters a deserted hallway. He checks a few doors until
he finds the one for the basement. He flips on the light and
steps inside.
INT. PARTY ROOM
Luke and Megan sit on a couch, eating from a bowl of
pretzels. A couple is making out right next to them.
LUKE
I'll bet you those two didn't even
know each other before tonight.
Megan checks her watch.
LUKE
Don't worry, we've got plenty of time.
MEGAN
No, it's just that my date was
supposed to be here by now. He
must've hit traffic.
LUKE
You have a date?
MEGAN
I'm sure I told you.
LUKE
I'm sure you didn't.
18.
MEGAN
Is this a problem?
LUKE
(obviously distraught)
Are you kidding? I'm fine. I'm just
kinda surprised, that's all.
(quickly rises)
I think I'm gonna go look around some.
Luke tries to casually walk away. Megan is left, feeling uneasy.
INT. BASEMENT
Jerry struggles up the basement stairs with the heavy TV set.
He turns the knob, but the door doesn't open. He tries again.
Same result. He puts the box down and begins to fight
forcefully to get the door open. It doesn't budge.
JERRY
Oh, I don't believe this!
He continues fighting.
JERRY
Help! Help!
INT. HALLWAY
Jerry's screams don't stand a chance against the loud music.
INT. PARTY ROOM - SPOT NEAR THE PUNCHBOWL
Steven and Gwen stand together against a wall in a corner of
the room overlooking the dance floor.
GWEN
Do you wanna dance?
STEVEN
I don't think so.
GWEN
Come on, Steven. You never wanna do
anything with me.
STEVEN
And why do you think that is?
GWEN
Come on. Let's do something.
19.
STEVEN
Gwen, I don't wanna do --
(stops suddenly)
GWEN
What? Are you having a heart attack?
STEVEN
It's her.
GWEN
Her who? Cher? Madonna? Michael
Jackson?
STEVEN
It's Charlotte.
GWEN
Charlotte who?
STEVEN
Charlotte, the girl I... I'll be
right back.
Steven hurries off.
INT. BASEMENT
Jerry runs at the door at full speed. He hits it hard and
springs backwards onto the floor.
EXT. FRONT PORCH
Luke sits on the stoop. The door opens and Steven comes out.
He sits down beside him.
STEVEN
Charlotte's here. I saw her dancing
with some guy.
LUKE
Did you say anything to her?
STEVEN
No. I was currently tied down by a
ninety-five pound time bomb, who,
I'm sure, would've detonated in my
face at the mention of any other
female human being who isn't her.
Besides, I doubt I would have
anything to say.
(MORE)
20.
STEVEN (CONT'D)
If I ask her why she lied to me,
the only thing I could possibly get
in return is more reasons to add to
the "why Steven is a loser" list.
Not really a victory in my book.
LUKE
Then, don't let her say anything
bad about you.
STEVEN
What?
LUKE
Start tearing her down right off
the bat, don't let her get a word in.
STEVEN
So, you're saying I walk up, start
trashing her, and I walk away
before she can say anything bad
about me?
(a moment of thought)
That's brilliant.
LUKE
And in the end, you look cooler
than ever.
STEVEN
That's great! Thanks, Luke.
(heads inside, voice
trailing off)
Look out, baby!
Luke laughs to himself and steps out onto the lawn. He tilts
his head back and looks up at the stars in the clear night's
sky. He lies down on the cool grass and stares upward.
MEGAN (O.S.)
Which one's your favorite?
Luke looks back and sees Megan moving towards him.
LUKE
I always liked the really bright one.
MEGAN
That's Venus, you know?
LUKE
Oh. Well, I guess I'm just the king
of misunderstandings tonight, huh?
21.
She lies down next to him, also starring forward.
MEGAN
It's not really all your fault.
LUKE
The way I see it, It's not any my
fault.
MEGAN
I'm sorry, okay.
LUKE
You should've said something.
MEGAN
How was I to know that you'd get
all upset if I brought a date?
LUKE
Because... I don't know. Maybe I
thought that...
MEGAN
I liked you?
LUKE
Yeah.
MEGAN
You're my friend, Luke. A close
friend. I don't want to screw that
up. What if we started dating and
it didn't work out? We couldn't go
back to the way things are.
LUKE
I know. I was just being stupid.
MEGAN
You were being yourself. It's
understandable.
LUKE
I'm just not good at putting on the
acts to impress people. You know?
MEGAN
Hey, you're not the only one. I'm
not very good at relationships
either. Hell, my date never even
showed up.
Luke laughs.
22.
LUKE
That's true. You're as bad off as I am.
MEGAN
Well at least I still have my good-
looks.
LUKE
Shut up-a yo face.
They both laugh.
MEGAN
So you wanna go back in?
LUKE
No, I wanna enjoy this.
Megan smiles as they stare together at the twinkling lights
billions of miles away.
INT. BASEMENT CLOSET
The door opens and light engulfs the lens. Jerry parts the
clothes rack and begins looking through random boxes. Near
the back he finds one labeled "DVDs". He picks the box up
and closes the door. The closet returns to black.
INT. PARTY ROOM
Steven stands in a corner observing Charlotte dancing with
her date. He's picking the moment to strike. As if a sign by
God, the dance floor parts, creating a path straight from
him to her. He gets his nerve up and starts his approach,
moving in SLOW MOTION towards her. Time is standing still
for Steven as he gets closer and closer, filling his head
with all the thing we wants to say to her. He steps beside
her and looks her dead in the eye. And...
STEVEN
Excuse me Charlotte... I have
something I'd like to say...
Right on cue, Keebler pops out of one of the connecting
rooms and gets the party's undivided attention.
KEEBLER
Attention, people! We cannot find
"March of the Penguins"! If you're
holding it for ransom, please state
your demands!
23.
CHARLOTTE
(to Steven)
What did you want?
STEVEN
(his moment blown)
Oh... uh... I just wanted to let
you know that I eat cereal with a
fork. Good evening.
He walks away, tail between his legs.
KEEBLER
Come on, guys, I need that movie!
The nerds are getting restless!
INT. BASEMENT
Jerry keeps injecting a DVD as the player rejects it
repeatedly. He has it hooked up to the spare TV with the
disc's empty case on the floor, identifying it as "March of
the Penguins".
INT. PARTY ROOM
Keebler approaches Steven, who's sitting alone, looking very
forlorn.
KEEBLER
Hey, Steve-o, where's your cousin?
I need him to help me look for the
movie.
STEVEN
I don't know, I haven't seen him
since he went to the basement to
get that TV.
KEEBLER
(remembering)
The basement.
INT. BASEMENT
Jerry injects "March of the Penguins" and it's rejected once
again. He sends it back in and puts his hand over the door,
preventing the machine from spiting back out. The player
begins making noises and a "DVD Malfuction" message appears
on the TV screen. The basement door opens and Keebler
hurries down to Jerry.
KEEBLER
Hey Jerry, have you--
24.
"POP!" The noises stop. Jerry hits the eject button and
holds up the player. Little pieces of disc fall to the floor.
KEEBLER
Was that...
JERRY
Yeah, probably.
FADE TO:
INT. MEGAN'S MOM'S VAN - LATER THAT NIGHT (NIGHT 2)
Luke, Megan, Jerry, Steven, and Gwen ride in opposite facing
couches in the back of the spacious, flamboyantly decorated
van. The party's over and the night's winding down. Jerry
telling a story.
JERRY
Anyway, he told me I'd have to buy
him another one.
LUKE
How much are those bootlegged?
JERRY
I don't know. I don't think I'm
really even gonna buy him one.
MEGAN
Jerry, I've been meaning to ask you
why you live and go to school with
your cousins?
JERRY
My dad lives in the Ghetto. I don't
wanna get stabbed.
MEGAN
Enough said.
Steven opens the mini fridge and removes two orange sodas.
He hands one to Gwen.
MEGAN
Someone put on some tunes.
Jerry goes over to the stereo. He chooses a CD from the vast
music collection and inserts it. The song "Kiss Me" begins
to play from the surround sound speakers.
GWEN
Ooh, I love this song.
25.
STEVEN
Yeah, me too.
JERRY
(to Megan)
This is quite a set-up you got here,
Meg.
MEGAN
Thanks. It's one of a kind.
LUKE
It really lives up to its reputation.
Steven looks out the window.
STEVEN
Hey, look! It's a clear night. You
can even see the stars.
GWEN
(joining him at the window)
Hey, what's that really bright one?
Luke and Megan share a humorous glance.
LUKE
I think that's Venus.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE.
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