Return to SimplyScripts.com

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. 
This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express 
written permission of the author.

-------------------------





                                      COLD OPEN

             INT. OFFICE - DAY 1

             JIM, PAM, and KEVIN are gathered around ANDY playing a first
             person shooter game on his computer.

                                 JIM
                       Aw!

                                 ANDY
                       Yes!  You are now looking at the top
                       score holder!  One try -- eat it Big
                       Tuna!

                                 PAM
                       I got next!

             DWIGHT watches over them near ANGELA.  He wears a mysterious
             deep red and black cloak with the hood draped over his head.  

             She is dressed up like a cat.  She does not look at him.

                                 ANGELA
                       Just go over there.  I am sure they
                       would let you play if you ask.

             DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

             In cloak, hood down.

             His hair is powdered gray, face pale -- sickly.

                                 DWIGHT
                       For this Hallow's Eve, I am going as
                       a man with a terminal illness with
                       little time left to live.  Touching,
                       I know.

             INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - EARLY MORNING - SAME DAY

             Shades drawn.

             Dwight clicks open his brief case and takes out a red and
             black garment, neatly folded.  He places it on the table. 

                                 DWIGHT (V.O.)
                          (as Jigsaw)
                       Everyone is missing something from
                       their so-called lives, a piece of the
                       puzzle to make them whole.  

             He takes out a silver mini-cassette recorder marked "Play Me"
             and places it next to the cloak.

                                 DWIGHT (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                          (as Jigsaw)
                       I am here to simply point out what
                       part of the puzzle is missing.  Their
                       faults will be tested.

             He puts on the cloak.

                                 DWIGHT (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                          (as Jigsaw)
                       They call me Jigsaw.

             INT. OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

             They are now gathered around Pam.  TOBY has stopped to watch.

                                 TOBY
                       Looks like fun.  Good job Pam.

                                 JIM
                       I got next!

                                 PAM
                       It won't matter Halpert.  You'll have
                       a new score to beat.

                                 KEVIN
                       You suck.

                                 ANDY
                       No!

             Dwight approaches.

                                 DWIGHT
                          (as Jigsaw)
                       I want to play a game.

             They ignore him.



                                  END OF COLD OPEN





                                       ACT ONE

             FADE IN:

             INT. OFFICE - RECEPTION - DAY 1

             Pam hands out candy from a bowl to a VANCE REFRIGERATION
             EMPLOYEE and her young KIDS.

                                 KIDS
                       Trick or treat!

                                 PAM
                       Here you go.  You're scary...

             Kevin is captivated by the bowl of fun-size candy bars.

             PAM TALKING HEAD

                                 PAM
                       I decided to not get dressed up this
                       year for Halloween.  I'm going as Pam
                       because Pam is nice and friendly and
                       not Angela.

             INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - A LITTLE LATER

             Angela, with cat whiskers painted on her face, holds rolls of
             streamers up for Pam and PHYLLIS to see.

                                 ANGELA
                          (to Phyllis)
                       True or false? -- black and orange
                       are the only two acceptable colors
                       for Halloween.

                                 PHYLLIS
                       I--

                                 ANGELA
                       True!  Then why did you also get
                       red?!

             Dwight enters and reports.

                                 DWIGHT
                       I just spoke to Michael.  He said
                       there must be ice cream cake or
                       nothing.  His words, not mine.

                                 ANGELA
                       Ahhhhg!

             Angela storms out.  Dwight smiles -- turned on.

             ANGELA TALKING HEAD

                                 ANGELA
                       I am under a considerable amount of
                       pressure.  Cupcakes or brownies,
                       plastic or paper plates...  These are
                       all things to consider when planning
                       a party.

             INT. OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

             SPY SHOT: Kevin stares at the bowl of candy resting at
             reception.  Dwight prepares for his next victim by rewinding
             the tape recorder at his desk.  Jim watches.

                                 JIM (V.O.)
                       So, Dwight is dressed up as a
                       homicidal maniac for Halloween.  No
                       real surprise there.

             JIM TALKING HEAD

                                 JIM
                       At this point I'd like to tell the
                       camera crew, "I told you so."
                       Seriously, "I told you so."  Be
                       careful.

             TOBY TALKING HEAD

             Under the talking head, there's a shot of Dwight playing the
             mini-cassette recorder for STANLEY.  He rolls his eyes.

                                 TOBY
                       Dwight made a tape for every employee
                       at the Scranton branch basically
                       pointing out what he considers as our
                       faults.  Including one for Hank, the
                       security guard -- some complaint
                       about traffic cones.

             EXT. PARKING LOT - SAME DAY

             HANK hand-trucks a portable handicapped parking sign and
             places it in front of Dwight's car.

             INT. OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

             MICHAEL enters for the day.  He is wearing a chocolate brown
             vampire cape and carrying a grocery bag.

                                 MICHAEL
                          (as vampire)
                       Happy Hallow-veen everyone!

             Michael TAPS at reception.

                                 PAM
                       Oh, hey Michael.  Happy Halloween.  

                                 MICHAEL
                       Thank you, Pam.  I love your costume.

             Pam looks to the camera -- huh?  I'm not wearing one.

                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)
                       Hey Dwight.  You just got a ticket on
                       for parking in the handicapped spot. 
                       Good job.

             Dwight jolts to the window.

                                 DWIGHT
                          (to self)
                       Again!  Damn it!

                                 MICHAEL
                       Way to be sensitive to all of our
                       cripple friends.  I think you should
                       start by apologizing to Creed.

                                 CREED
                       But I'm not handicapped.

                                 MICHAEL
                       You're old -- that's close enough. 
                       Still a disability.
                          (then)
                       So, is everyone ready to par-tay?!
                          (to Pam)
                       Has the ice cream cake been ordered? 
                       What do you say Kevin?  Ice cream
                       cake.  Yum.

             Kevin nods, salivating.  Jim raises his hand.

                                 JIM
                       Who are you supposed to be?

                                 MICHAEL 
                       Only the bestest costume ever...  I
                       will give you a clue.

             Michael inserts buck teeth into his mouth and grabs his cape
             for dramatic flair...

                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)
                          (as vampire)
                       I vant to eat your cereal.  I vant to
                       eat your cereal...  No vone?

             Jim raises his hand.

                                 JIM
                       I know.  Frankenberry.

             Kevin smirks -- "Jim is so messing with him."

                                 MICHAEL
                       Frankenberry is a Frankenstein's
                       Monster who likes berry-flavored
                       cereal.  I'm--

                                 JIM
                       Right.  That's you.  You're
                       Frankenberry.  

             Michael holds up a box of Count Chocula next to his face.

                                 MICHAEL
                       Really...

                                 KEVIN
                       Yeah, I totally used to eat that all
                       the time.  Frankenberry.

             Michael looks to the camera, frustrated.  Pam smiles at Jim.

             INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

             The box of vintage Count Chocula cereal rests on his desk.

             Dwight draws an exaggerated widow's peak on Michael's forehead
             with a brown dry-erase marker.

                                 DWIGHT
                       Do not sweat.

                                 MICHAEL
                          (impatient)
                       Come on, come on...  
                          (then)
                       What are you supposed to be again?

                                 DWIGHT
                          (as Jigsaw)
                       Everyone is missing something from
                       their so-called lives, a piece of the
                       puzzle to make them whole.  I am here
                       to simply point out what part of the
                       puzzle--

             He stops listening and SHUSHES him with his hand.

                                 MICHAEL
                          (excited, to camera)
                       Cause I'm Count Chocula.

             MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

                                 MICHAEL
                       Why Count Chocula?  Because
                       Frankenberry is for sissies, like Jim
                       and Kevin.  And Booberry is for 
                       girls--
                       Actually, when I was a boy my mother
                       wouldn't let me eat any of the
                       "sugar" cereals, like Cap't Crunch,
                       et cetera...  I was prone to night
                       terrors.  But one Halloween, my
                       mother's boyfriend at the time -- I
                       don't remember his name.  There were
                       many -- bought me a box of Count
                       Chocula behind her back...  

             He raises the box for the camera.

                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)
                       This box of Count Chocula.  I don't
                       think they even make this stuff
                       anymore.  The milk would even turn
                       chocolate!

             He shakes the box -- a look of surprise.  He looks inside.

             INT. OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

             SPY SHOT: Pam plays a Halloween version of solitaire on her
             computer.

             She looks up to find the silver mini-cassette recorder marked
             "Play Me" in front of her.  She is curious.

             Dwight stands at the copy machine.  He smirks in anticipation.

             Pam hesitates but presses 'play' anyway...  

             TAPE HISS.

                                 DWIGHT (V.O.)
                          (over mini-cassette, as
                           Jigsaw)
                       Pamela Beesly, your inability to
                       decide between Jim and Roy has
                       debilitated your life.  I am giving
                       you the opportunity to set yourself
                       free...  I want to play a game.  You
                       must go out on a date with Mose
                       Schrute.  Note -- like all Schrutes,
                       he is an expert grappler so don't
                       even think about escaping...

             MOSE, Dwight's cousin, enters the office with a bouquet of
             wild flowers and polo shirt.

                                 DWIGHT (CONT'D)
                          (to Mose, intense whisper)
                       No, not yet.

             Dwight shoos him away.  Mose is disappointed.  Jim looks to
             the camera.

             DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

                                 DWIGHT
                       Mose doesn't get out much.  The only
                       regular female contact he's had was
                       with his mother and she coddled him.
                          (then)
                       I haven't been coddled since I was
                       three months old.  This is why I have
                       never lost a feat of strength to
                       Mose.

             JIM TALKING HEAD

                                 JIM
                       The task I was given to complete was
                       to sell more paper in one week than
                       Dwight -- which prompted Jigsaw, on
                       the cassette, to laugh
                       uncontrollably.

             INT. OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

                                 JIM
                          (into phone)
                       Thank you, Sir.  I will tell Dwight
                       you said hi.  Thanks.

             He hangs up and leans back on his chair, arms behind his head
             and satisfied.

             Dwight plays the mini-recorder for MEREDITH, who is dressed
             like a Native American Indian.  Inaudible.

                                 JIM (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                       While Dwight was playing Jigsaw all
                       morning, I answered his sales call
                       for Camera Hut -- the largest
                       regional buyer of our sixty-five
                       pound bond laser photo paper.  

             Back to Jim, satisfied.

             JIM TALKING HEAD

                                 JIM 
                       Task completed...  Thanks Dwight.

             INT. OFFICE - ACCOUNTING - A LITTLE LATER

             Angela shows Kevin what a FedEx envelope looks like.  He nods.

                                 ANGELA (V.O.)
                       Kevin has requested more
                       responsibility...

             ANGELA TALKING HEAD

                                 ANGELA
                       Today I am training him to pick up
                       our paychecks from FedEx downstairs. 
                       He will have this responsibility once
                       every two weeks.

             INT. OFFICE - ACCOUNTING - CONTINUOUS

                                 ANGELA
                       Kevin, what do you do first?

                                 KEVIN
                       I wait for Pam to tell me that FedEx
                       has arrived.

             Michael walks up to them, trying to hold back laughter...

                                 ANGELA
                       What do you do second?

                                 KEVIN
                       I go downstairs...  And sign for the
                       package.

                                 ANGELA
                       Good.  What do you do third?

             He thinks for a beat.

                                 KEVIN
                       I come directly back upstairs, no
                       stops, and give the package to either
                       you or Oscar.

             Angela smiles like a proud teacher.  Oscar fist bumps him.

                                 ANGELA
                       Correct.

             Michael giggles.  Angela turns to him, annoyed.

                                 ANGELA (CONT'D)
                       What is it Michael?

                                 MICHAEL
                       Oh nothing...  Hey, I was just
                       wondering.  You used to work for
                       FedEx, right?

                                 ANGELA
                       No, Michael.  Why?

                                 MICHAEL
                       That's funny.  Cause I thought I just
                       saw you checking out my package.

             He points to his trousers.

                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)
                       Get it?  My package?!

             Michael busts out laughing.  Angela fumes.  Kevin laughs too.

                                 KEVIN
                       Good one Michael.

             Angela storms off.

                                 MICHAEL
                       Come on Angela!  You should have seen
                       it coming!  Oscar saw it coming!
                          (re: crotch)
                       Right, Oscar?

             Oscar is not pleased as Michael has to lean on their desk to
             catch his breath from laughing so hard.

                                 KEVIN
                       That is so great.

             OSCAR TALKING HEAD

                                 OSCAR
                       Would it be rude to say that I didn't
                       see it coming?

             MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

                                 MICHAEL
                       And then I--  
                          (points to trousers)
                       Package...

             Back to laughing histerically.

             INT. OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

             Dwight sits down at his desk and downs a whole bottled water. 
             Jim watches.  He finishes.

                                 DWIGHT
                          (to camera)
                       Changing lives makes me thirsty.

             Phyllis glares at him -- a definite sign of resentment.

                                 PHYLLIS
                          (to KAREN, whispers)
                       He called me fat.

                                 JIM
                       Dwight, did you leave your tape
                       recorder in the conference room?

                                 DWIGHT
                       Jim, don't be an idiot.  I have it
                       right here.  A surgeon never forgets
                       his tools.

                                 JIM
                       Hmmm?  That's odd..?

             Dwight looks to Jim, then to the conference room.

             SPY SHOT: On the conference table sits another silver mini
             cassette recorder labeled "Play Me."  Next to it is a cassette
             labeled "Dwight" and a pair of Hello Kitty sunglasses.

             He gets up and looks around the conference room from the
             window, fogging it with his breath.  He looks to Jim, then
             back to the conference room, concerned.

                                 DWIGHT (V.O.) 
                       Is it possible that Jigsaw is a real
                       person?  No--

             INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

             Dwight reaches for the recorder but stops himself, hesitant or
             nervous.  

             He walks back and forth as he tries to psych himself up to
             take it.

             DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

                                 DWIGHT
                       Make that definitely a maybe.  There
                       is always a chance that the movie was
                       based on true events.  

             INT. OFFICE - JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESKS - A LITTLE LATER

             Dwight stares to the conference room, bewildered.

             SPY SHOT: the recorder rests on the table untouched.

                                 DWIGHT (V.O.)
                       Therefore, I have to take proper
                       precautions because my chances may be
                       based on true chances.

             FADE OUT.



                                   END OF ACT ONE





                                       ACT TWO

             FADE IN:

             INT. BREAKROOM - LATER - DAY 1

             Dwight picks a snack from the vending machine.  Jim and Pam
             sit at the table, sharing corn chips.  KELLY enters, wearing
             the same cloak but dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood
             instead.

                                 KELLY
                       Oh, hey guys.

                                 PAM
                       Hey Kelly.  You look cute.

                                 KELLY
                       Thanks.

             Kelly takes out a dollar but suddenly stops in her tracks...

                                 KELLY (CONT'D)
                       Oh my God.  I can't believe someone
                       is wearing the same outfit as me! 
                       This is like so embarrassing.

             Dwight turns around to see that she wears the same cloak.

                                 JIM
                       Dwight, why are you dressed up like
                       Little Red Riding Hood?

             Dwight scowls at Kelly.

             DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

                                 DWIGHT
                       I detest Little Red Riding Hood. 
                       Question -- how hard is it to
                       identify a wolf?  I can identify a
                       wolf from three hundred yards.  And I
                       have.  
                          (then)
                       No sheep have ever been taken on my
                       watch.

             INT. KITCHEN -  A LITTLE LATER

             Meredith waits to get into the fridge after Phyllis.  

             Phyllis looks behind her and sniffs something offensive.  She
             leans in to Meredith to whisper...

                                 PHYLLIS
                          (judgemental)
                       You smell like a bar.

             MEREDITH TALKING HEAD

             She pops a cough drop into her mouth.

                                 MEREDITH 
                          (belligerent, to crew)
                       There.  Better?

             She leaves the interview, angry.

             INT. OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

             Kelly walks past Andy.

                                 ANDY
                       Wow, great costume Kelly.  Sexy.

                                 KELLY
                       Thanks Andy.

             Andy looks to the camera -- what do you think?  KAREN catches
             Kelly turning to look back at Andy as she walks away.

             KELLY TALKING HEAD

                                 KELLY
                          (sweetly)
                       Andy?  I don't know.  I'm pretty sure
                       he knows all my favorite N'Sync
                       songs.  So that's super cool.

             INT. OFFICE - EARLIER TODAY

             Andy is at the copy machine.

                                 ANDY
                          (in song, to self)
                       It might sound crazy but it ain't no
                       lie.  Baby, bye, bye, bye...

             Kelly admires from a far.

             KELLY TALKING HEAD

                                 KELLY
                       Oh and he totally thinks TomKat is
                       the best Hollywood couple.

             INT. OFFICE - ANDY'S DESK - A LITTLE LATER

             SPY SHOT: Andy surfs Myspace.

                                 ANDY (V.O.)
                       What music does she like?  Hollywood
                       couples?  That's easy.  I went to her
                       Myspace page--  Ever heard of it?

             Kelly's Myspace profile page, "Kelly(hearts)Ryan."  Her avatar
             photo is of her kissing a reluctant RYAN on the cheek.

             ANDY TALKING HEAD

                                 ANDY
                       She doesn't know it yet, but she just
                       received a comment from "The
                       Everlasting Drew-stopper."  Thanks
                       for the add.

             INT. OFFICE - RECEPTION - A LITTLE LATER

             Michael approaches reception.  He looks to the camera -- watch
             this.

                                 MICHAEL
                       Wow, look at all of this chocolate. 
                       May I?

             Michael picks up the bowl of fun-size.  Kevin stares.

                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)
                       I'm having trouble deciding.  So many
                       choices...

             He pours the whole bowl into his mouth -- most of it hits the
             floor.  He makes cookie monster sounds.

                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)
                       Yum, yum, yum...

             Pam stands up to look at the mess.

             PAM TALKING HEAD

                                 PAM
                       I am making Michael go out to buy
                       some more fun-size candy bars because
                       they all touched his mouth.  A lot of
                       us are claiming "Cooties."

             KEVIN TALKING HEAD

                                 KEVIN
                       That's candy abuse.

             MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

                                 MICHAEL
                       I really don't see what the big deal
                       is...  I have great memories of
                       having cooties as a kid.  I was like
                       the cootie king.  In fact, I was
                       usually stuck with them all day cause
                       the other kids had "shots" and "no
                       touch-backs"...

             INT. BREAKROOM - A LITTLE LATER

             Karen sits at the table alone circling want ads in the news
             paper.  

             Meredith walks past the window, using the wall to balance
             herself.

             KAREN TALKING HEAD

                                 KAREN
                       No one talks to me anymore and Radio
                       Shack is hiring.

             INT. OFFICE - JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESKS - CONTINUOUS

             Dwight cannot concentrate on his work.  He looks over to the
             conference room -- it is haunting him.

                                 DWIGHT
                          (intense, to self)
                       That's it.  I'm going in.  I have to
                       know.

             Dwight crosses to the conference room.  Jim watches.

             INT. OFFICE - LATER

             RING.  Pam answers.

                                 PAM 
                       Hello, Dunder Mifflin.  Pam
                       speaking...  Okay, I'll send someone
                       down.

             She hangs up.  She looks over the accounting cubical wall.

                                 PAM (CONT'D)
                       Kevin, FedEx is here.

                                 KEVIN
                       Thanks Pam.

             Kevin looks nervous.  Oscar fist bumps Kevin.

                                 KEVIN (CONT'D)
                       Thanks Oscar.  I can do this.

             Kevin gets up.  Angela waits.

             INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

             Dwight contemplates the items on the table one last time.

             He jumps to pick up the recorder and quickly puts in the tape
             labeled "Dwight."  He presses 'play'...  

             TAPE HISS.  He listens intently.

                                 JIGSAW (V.O.)
                          (over mini-cassette)
                       Dwight K. Schrute.  For hours you
                       have been pretending to be me.  I've
                       been watching.  

             INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

             Angela escorts Kevin past reception to the exit.  Oscar
             follows.

                                 JIGSAW (V.O.)
                       You have much to hide behind your
                       costume.  Secrets that loved ones
                       depend on you to keep.  I wonder how
                       they would feel if you betrayed them?

             INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

                                 JIGSAW (V.O.) 
                          (over mini-cassette)
                       Play time is now over, Dwight...  
                       I want to play a game.  

             He looks down to the recorder in his hand, nervous.

                                 JIGSAW (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                          (over mini-cassette)
                       Here are the rules.  In front of you
                       is a pair of sunglasses.  You must
                       wear these sunglasses at all times or
                       your precious secrets will be exposed
                       for what they really are...  

             INT. HALLWAY/ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS

             The elevator door closes in front of Angela and Kevin...

                                 JIGSAW (V.O.) 
                       A hidden life shared by nobody except
                       yourself.  Your task starts...  

             INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

             Dwight quickly puts the sunglasses on over his glasses.

                                 JIGSAW (V.O.) 
                          (over mini-cassette)
                       Now.  I will be watching.

             Suddenly, the lights start to flicker on and off -- power
             surges.

             INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

             Computer monitors flicker with the lights.

             Dwight enters from the conference room.

                                 PHYLLIS
                          (to Stanley, concerned)
                       What's going on?

             Stanley doesn't look up from his crossword puzzle.

             Phyllis shoots him a look.

                                 ANDY
                          (panicked)
                       Stanley, please stay calm!

             Stanley rolls his eyes.

                                 JIM
                       Nice sunglasses, Dwight.

             Dwight looks around, serious.

                                 DWIGHT
                       Nice brain, Jim.
                          (then)
                       Pam!  Activate the emergency
                       procedures!  Section three, sub
                       section two!

             Pam looks to Dwight, then to Jim -- huh?

                                 DWIGHT (CONT'D)
                          (shocked)
                       I gave them to you in the March of
                       two thousand five.

             DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

             Dwight holds a hefty binder labeled "Emergency Procedures."

                                 DWIGHT
                       All together I compiled twenty-three
                       sections, each with at least nine sub
                       sections.  Section two dealt with
                       terrorist attacks.  

             Under the talking head, there is a shot of Dwight adding a
             photograph of SADIQ, the Muslim IT tech to the binder.  It is
             labeled "NOT A TERRORIST."

                                 DWIGHT (CONT'D)
                       Section thirteen dealt with
                       supernatural disasters.  Thirteen,
                       sub-section eight is what to do in
                       case the office is under attack by
                       brainless zombies.  
                          (then)
                       I called that one "The Kevin
                       Protocols."

             INT. KITCHEN (FLASHBACK) - MARCH 2005

             Pam places the hefty binder in back of the cleaning supplies
             under the sink.  She closes the cabinet door and walks away.

                                 DWIGHT (V.O.)
                       I only made one other copy.  Which
                       was to be placed in a convenient
                       location and properly labeled in case
                       of an emergency.

             INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

             More flickering...

             Toby walks up to Jim and Pam.

                                 TOBY
                       Should we be exiting?
                          (to Dwight)
                       Are those Hello Kitty sunglasses?

             Suddenly, the lights go out with a POP!  People jump. 

                                 ANDY
                       (Bleep)!

             Dwight hits the floor.

             Pam grabs Jim's hand.  Karen spies it. 

             KAREN TALKING HEAD

                                 KAREN
                       Radio Shack.

             INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

             The emergency lights go on.  The office is now dimly lit. 

             Dwight army crawls to his desk.  

             He flicks on a high-powered flash light and points it in every
             direction.  It HUMS with power.  He stands.

                                 DWIGHT 
                       Do not be alarmed!  This is a
                       standard issue fireman's search lamp! 
                       I am scanning the perimeter!

             SPY SHOT: Meredith raises her hands over her head as if she is
             being arrested.  Andy is blinded by the light.

                                 ANDY
                       I can't see!

             Andy trips over a garbage can.  CRASH.

                                 ANDY (CONT'D)
                       Ow!  My knee!  (Bleep)!

                                 DWIGHT
                       Everyone please stay calm!  There is
                       no reason to panic!  Has anyone seen
                       Michael?

                                 PAM
                       I sent him to get candy.

                                 DWIGHT
                       Good, then I will set up my search
                       and rescue team.

                                 JIM
                       Wo!  I thought you were Jigsaw?

                                 DWIGHT
                       After the emergency is over.  Right
                       now, I will appoint Pam and Oscar to
                       my team.  Pam--

                                 JIM
                       Oscar is not here--

                                 DWIGHT
                       Fine.  Then I pick...  Stanley.

                                 STANLEY
                       The only thing I am searching for is
                       a six-letter word for idiot.  The
                       first letter is a "D."

                                 KAREN
                       Who are you rescuing anyway?  We're
                       all still sitting here.

                                 ANDY (O.C.)
                       A little help?!  Please?!

             Oscar runs in from the hallway, frantic.  He holds the FedEx
             package.

                                 OSCAR
                       Kevin and Angela never made to the
                       FedEx guy!  I think they're stuck in
                       the elevator!

                                 PHYLLIS
                       Oh my God!

                                 JIM
                       Can you hear them in there?!

                                 ANDY
                       Someone call '911'...  I think I
                       really hurt my knee!

             The office exits to the hallway.  Andy still lays on the floor
             clutching his knee.

             As Dwight exits to the hallway, he reaches inside the office
             plant and pulls out a crow bar, confident.

                                 DWIGHT
                       Amateurs...

             A MYSTERY PERSON dressed as a ghost in a simple white sheet
             crosses to the kitchen and opens the fridge.

                                 ANDY
                          (spooked)
                       Who's there?!  Stanley?  Karen? 
                       Kelly?!

             INT. DOWNSTAIRS LOBBY - CONTINUOUS

             Michael waits for the elevator and presses the 'up' button a
             couple times.  He carries a bag of fun-size candy bars. 

             Hank rushes past him to the stairs.  CHATTER rings from his
             two-way.  

             Michael watches him pass, unaffected.

             He pushes the button one more time and looks to the camera --
             what gives?

             FADE OUT.



                                   END OF ACT TWO





                                      ACT THREE

             FADE IN:

             DWIGHT TALKING HEAD - LATER

                                 DWIGHT
                       One thing I've learned from movies... 
                       In times of emergency, in times of
                       panic, a leader must rise to the
                       occasion.  The Poseiden Adventure,
                       The Towering Inferno...  All the
                       Harry Potter movies.  I was born to
                       watch people lead.  No, wait.  I was
                       born to--

             Jim pops his head in...

                                 JIM
                       The firemen are here.

                                 DWIGHT
                       Follow me Jim.

                                 JIM
                       No, you follow me.

             He does.

             INT. HALLWAY/ELEVATOR - MOMENTS LATER - STILL DAY 1

             Everyone stands around the elevator door.  FIREMEN just
             arrived to the scene.

                                 FIREMAN ONE
                       Has anyone made contact?

                                 OSCAR
                       Yes, they seem to be okay.  A little
                       panicked at first, but I talked them
                       through it.

             Dwight enters next to Kelly.  He scowls at her again.

                                 FIREMAN TWO
                       Good--

                                 DWIGHT
                       Who is the commanding officer here?

                                 FIREMAN ONE
                       I guess I am.  Who are you?

                                 DWIGHT
                       I'm--

             Michael enters.

                                 MICHAEL
                       Count Chocula...  

             Michael introduces himself with a hand shake.  His widow's
             peek is smeared slightly from sweating.

                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)
                       But you can call me Michael, if
                       you're nasty.  I am their boss.  How
                       are things going?

                                 FIREMAN ONE
                       Nothing that we can't handle.  Black
                       outs can cause some serious damage.

                                 MEREDITH
                       Tell me about it.

                                 MICHAEL
                       I'm just happy no one is injured.  

                                 ANDY
                       I hurt my knee.

                                 MICHAEL
                          (coughs it out)
                       Wuss.

                                 FIREMAN ONE
                       Sir, we will check that out for you.

             Andy reaches to use Stanley's shoulder as a crutch.

                                 STANLEY
                       Do not touch me.

             Jim helps him out instead.  Pam watches and smiles.

             PAM TALKING HEAD

                                 PAM
                       Let's see...  If I had to be stuck in
                       an elevator for three hours with
                       someone, who would I pick?
                          (considers, to crew)
                       Are there cameras in the elevator? 
                       No?
                          (then)
                       Jim.  I'd pick Jim.  Next question...

             JIM TALKING HEAD

                                 JIM
                       I'd pick Pam.  That was easy.  Next
                       question...

             INT. HALLWAY/ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS

             FIREMAN TWO BANGS on the door three times and yells through
             the door to them...

                                 FIREMAN TWO
                       Hello!  This is the Scranton Area
                       Fire Department!  We will get you out
                       of there as soon as we can!

                                 KEVIN (O.S.)
                          (muffled)
                       Awesome.

                                 FIREMAN TWO
                       Is everyone okay?!

                                 ANGELA (O.S.)
                          (muffled)
                       Yes, I think so.  Is Dwight up there?

             Michael butts in.

                                 MICHAEL
                       Why?!  Do you want us to ask him to
                       leave?!  Dwight...

             Beat of silence.

                                 ANGELA (O.S.)
                          (low-level and muffled)
                       No.

             Dwight smiles.  Kelly looks up to him.  Dwight notices and
             drops the smile.

             Fireman Two bends down to inspect the elevator door.  The door
             has clearly been bent in and tampered using a blunt object.

                                 FIREMAN TWO 
                       What the hell?!  It looks like
                       someone tried to open this door with
                       a crowbar.

             Everyone looks to Dwight.  Toby especially peers at him.

             DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

                                 DWIGHT
                       A crowbar or even bare fingers have
                       been useful tools in opening elevator
                       doors...

             TOBY TALKING HEAD

                                 TOBY
                          (re: Dwight)
                       A crowbar or bare fingers have been
                       useful tools in opening elevator
                       doors...  In the movies.

             INT. HALLWAY/ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS

                                 HANK
                       Little Red Riding Hood over there did
                       it.

             He points toward Dwight and Kelly.  Dwight glares back at
             Hank.

                                 FIREMAN ONE
                          (sympathetic, to Kelly)
                       Listen lady, I realize you wanted to
                       help but--

                                 HANK
                       Not her, him.

                                 FIREMAN TWO
                          (scolding)
                       Hey Buddy.  Leave the hero stuff to
                       the professionals.

                                 MICHAEL
                       Dwight, what's with the sunglasses?

                                 JIM
                       Yeah Dwight.  Tell him.

                                 DWIGHT
                       I cannot reveal--

                                 JIM 
                       When we lost power, he tried to kiss
                       me so I punched him in the eye.  It
                       was really awkward.

                                 DWIGHT
                       That is not true!  Take that back!

                                 JIM
                       Okay, it wasn't awkward.  But I still
                       punched him--

                                 DWIGHT
                       Stop that!

                                 HANK
                       Well, my job's done here.

                                 FIREMAN ONE
                       Thanks for your help Hank.

                                 MICHAEL
                       Yeah, thanks Hank.
                          (to camera)
                       Always very helpful when I need to
                       jump my car.

                                 HANK
                       Anytime...

             He looks to Michael as he heads for the stairs.

                                 HANK (CONT'D)
                          (to self)
                       Some kind of poop-colored Dracula..?

             Hank shakes his head.

             MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

                                 MICHAEL
                       Apparently, while I was waiting for
                       the elevator in the lobby, Kevin and
                       Angela were trapped inside of it. 
                       Who would've known?  I waited for a
                       while.

             EXT. PARKING LOT - A LITTLE LATER

             FIREMAN THREE lifts a dead squirrel from its tail off the
             ground under a transformer pole next to the parking lot.

                                 MICHAEL (V.O.)
                       All it took was one little squirrel
                       trying to store its nuts in the
                       building's transformer and zap!
                       -- fried squirrel, fried nuts, no
                       power and a reason for emergency 
                       end-of-world sex...  I asked Pam.

             He looks up to the transformer.  He cups his eyes from the
             sun.

             INT. HALLWAY/ELEVATOR - MOMENTS LATER

                                 FIREMAN THREE (V.O.)
                          (over walkie)
                       The power company is on their way.  I
                       have a dead transformer out here and
                       a dead squirrel for dinner.  Is
                       anyone hungry up there?

             The firemen laugh.  The women look disgusted.

                                 THE WOMEN
                       Ill...  Yuck...

                                 FIREMAN ONE
                          (chuckling)
                       No thanks, Henry.

                                 CREED
                       Is he serious?

             CREED TALKING HEAD

                                 CREED
                       Squirrels make excellent stew.

             INT. HALLWAY/ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS

             The WAREHOUSE WORKERS have joined the crowd.  LONNY has a
             white sheet draped over his shoulder.  Andy keeps looking at
             him.

             Fireman Two BANGS on the door three times and yells through
             the door to them...

             Michael butts in.

                                 MICHAEL
                       Do you think we will still have the
                       party?!

                                 FIREMAN TWO
                          (to Michael)
                       Sir, please.  Let us handle this.
                          (to the elevator)
                       Power should be restored within
                       minutes!  Please be patient!  We will
                       get you out of there soon!

                                 MICHAEL
                       And then we'll party!  Woo!

             No one shares in the excitement.

                                 DARRYL
                       Let the guy do his job, Michael.

             DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

                                 DWIGHT
                       I'd pick Michael and instead of an
                       elevator, it would be a rocket as the
                       planet Earth is exploding...
                          (beat, then reconsiders)
                       I take that back.  I'd pick a female
                       with child-bearing hips.

             INT. HALLWAY/ELEVATOR - A LITTLE LATER

             Michael holds a deck of cards.

                                 MICHAEL
                       Okay!  Magic trick while we wait.  I
                       need a volunteer!  

             Dwight is the only one to raise his hand.

                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)
                       You, kind sir.

             He points to MADGE, a burly female warehouse employee.  She
             glares at him.

                                 MADGE
                       I'm a girl.

                                 MICHAEL
                       I wasn't pointing to you.  I was
                       pointing to Andy.

             Andy is yards away from where she stands.

                                 MICHAEL (CONT'D)
                       Andy, hop over here.

             Andy starts to hop, then...

             The lights go on -- things start to power up.  The crowd is
             relieved and buzzing.  We can hear the elevator moving. 

             Andy is stuck in limbo -- no one to hold onto and wobbly.

             All eyes on the elevator.

                                 FIREMAN ONE
                       Everyone, please stand back.  Give
                       them some air.

             DING.  The door opens.  The firemen take a step back. 

                                 FIREMAN TWO
                          (something smells)
                       Whew!  Man!

             They cough.

             Kevin walks out, relieved but embarrassed.

             People move forward to greet Kevin -- fist bumps and
             reaffirming hand shakes.

                                 KEVIN 
                       Did anyone call my fiancé?

                                 OSCAR
                       Yeah, she said she was too busy.

             In dramatic form, Dwight splits Meredith and Phyllis out of
             his view.  

             Angela walks out.  She looks around, spots Dwight.  She
             smiles.

             Dwight approaches.  Both calm.

                                 DWIGHT
                       Hello Angela.

                                 ANGELA
                       Hello Dwight.

                                 DWIGHT
                       I'm glad that you are okay.

             She smiles discreetly.

             Jim hands Kevin a bag of fun-size candy bars.

                                 JIM
                       Here you go, Buddy?

                                 KEVIN
                       Thanks Jim.

                                 PAM
                       Thank Michael--

                                 KEVIN
                       He didn't touch these, did he?

                                 MICHAEL
                          (to Angela)
                       How's my little package handler? 
                       Here, I'll block your view.

             He covers his crotch with his hands.  He starts to laugh.

             Angela storms off -- moment ruined.

                                 DWIGHT
                       I don't get it.

             MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

             His widow's peak is completely smeared.

                                 MICHAEL
                       The ice cream cake melted but it's
                       still good -- like a milk shake. 
                       People like milk shakes.  And may I
                       say...  People really seemed to enjoy
                       my costume.  
                          (then)
                       Especially me. 

             DWIGHT AND ANGELA TALKING HEAD

                                 DWIGHT
                       After much discussion, Angela and I
                       have decided to take our relationship
                       to the next level.

                                 ANGELA
                       To friendship.

                                 DWIGHT
                       We have decided to smile at each
                       other in public and I have decided to
                       open the door for her.

                                 ANGELA
                       Except in front of Kevin, Oscar,
                       Toby, Phyllis...

                                 DWIGHT
                       Jim, Andy--

                                 ANGELA
                       And Kelly...

             He takes off the sunglasses.

                                 DWIGHT 
                       So, I guess I won't be needing these
                       anymore, Jigsaw.  Dwight K. Schrute
                       is now out of the closet.  And Proud.

             Angela looks to Dwight -- huh?

             FADE OUT.



                                  END OF ACT THREE





                                        TAG

             ANGELA TALKING HEAD

                                 ANGELA
                       And Pam, and Michael, and Meredith,
                       and Creed.  The warehouse workers,
                       especially Madge and if Ryan ever
                       comes back...



                                       END OF SHOW

             


Return to Simply Scripts