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                                "THE RAINBOW EXPRESS"

                 EXT. SPACE -

                 In the distance Earth sits a barren wasteland smouldering
                 and charred. A large colorful cloud appears quickly as a
                 ship appears colored in rainbow paint. The words "Rainbow
                 Express" are painted on the side.

                 The ship lines up with the remains of Earth.


                 BIG HOG, a large ogre type beast with large teeth coming
                 from his upper jaw sits on a thrown/command chair with
                 two half naked male servants fanning him.

                                         BIG HOG
                           Oh my God! Someone has been
                           ransacking my planet. I even
                           called dibbs on it.

                 LITTLE WILLIE, half naked with a dog collar and leash
                 crawls into the room on his knees up to Big Hogs feet.

                                         LITTLE WILLIE
                           Biggie sweetie, I just heard news
                           from Majestic Prime that some of
                           our merchandise is being sold by a
                           lowly merchant.

                                         BIG HOG
                           I want his head... Not that head.

                                         LITTLE WILLIE
                           Lay in a heading.

                 Big Hog smiles.

                                         BIG HOG
                           I love it when you talk dirty.

                 Both servants blush and go back to fanning.		

                 EXT. SPACE -

                 The Rainbow Express shoots off into the vast area of

                 INT. SPACE STATION - DAY

                 The Promenade on the space station is two levels of every
                 kind of shop imaginable. A young merchant RAFFI, 18, a
                 very young looking alien species resembling humans but
                 with blue skin and dots all over. He wears a brown coat
                 and khaki pants.

                           Come to the only existing earth
                           collectibles here in the entire
                           quadrant. That's right "Raffi's
                           Space Collectibles" is the best
                           place to spend your hard earned

                 Around Raffi's shop he has Bongs, Guitars, Dildo's, Comic
                 Books and many other items of earth. In a glass case at
                 the front where Raffi stands is a David Hasselhoff vinyl
                 record, a signed picture of Tom Cruise and an MTV Music
                 Awards Popcorn Trophy.

                 Two women JALENA, a fairly beautiful blonde dressed in a
                 skimpy leather outfit and ROXANNE, a fairly beautiful
                 brunette dressed in the same outfit walk up to Raffi.

                                         RAFFI (CONT'D)
                           Hello again, not happy with your

                           That faggot bounty hunter Big Hog
                           is asking a lot of questions about
                           these items you're selling.

                           We don't like being asked
                           questions. You better start

                 Raffi sighs and looks down the Promenade but can't see
                 very far for the large crowds.

                           I took these items from Earth
                           after it was destroyed.
                           At the time Hog and The Rainbow
                           Express crew had called dibbs on
                           it but I saw the opportunity for
                           profit and couldn't pass it up.

                           They're coming for you, Raffi.

                           I don't believe him, let's string
                           him up.

                 Jalena smiles at Roxanne.

                                         ROXANNE (CONT'D)
                           Okay, we'll help him.

                           Am I that deep?

                           You stole from a bounty hunter.

                 Raffi grabs a backpack and starts filling it up with
                 artifacts. He is sure to grab the MTV Music Awards
                 Popcorn Statue.

                 In the distance some half naked servants carrying guns
                 are pushing through the crowd towards them.

                                         JALENA (CONT'D)
                           We have to go. Now!

                 Raffi finishes gathering the items and the three run off.

                 INT. AIRLOCK -

                 Raffi, Jalena and Roxanne stand in the airlock. Roxanne
                 is trying to bypass the security system off to one side.

                           So, ever have sexual relations
                           with a sub human blue male?

                           I'm sorry but I was designated a
                           lesbian years ago while undergoing

                           I had a similar thing but they
                           said I was gay. I grew up and I
                           felt a strong attraction to women
                           and ever since I've been trying
                           nicely to have sexual intercourse
                           with them but they seem
                           uninterested by my advances.

                           You're too forward, young Raffi.
                           Be subtle and treat her to dinner
                           or a romantic film.

                           Like Jurassic Park?

                           I do not know what you mean.

                           It's an earth joke.

                 Raffi shrugs. The airlock door opens, Roxanne turns to
                 Jalena who winks at her.

                 INT. SHIP -

                 The three walk into a group of armed half naked slaves
                 with guns pointed at them.

                           You're coming with us up to the
                           Rainbow Express. Raffi will become
                           a slave and you two abominations
                           will be executed for crimes
                           against humanity.

                           I will not let you harm my love.

                 Roxanne moves forward, one of the slaves fires a single
                 shot piercing her chest killing her instantly.

                 Jalena runs to her side and grabs her lifeless corpse.

                 The slaves grab Raffi and drag him off. A few stay behind
                 to capture Jalena.

                           I will always love you Roxanne.

                 Jalena wipes a tear from her eye. Looks up at the Slaves
                 who surround her with guns pointed in her face.

                           You don't have a chance against
                           our guns, woman.

                 Jalena allows herself to be captured.

                 INT. RAINBOW EXPRESS BRIDGE - 

                 Big Hog sits on his throne eating chicken and Little
                 Willie is on his knees in front.

                                         BIG HOG
                           You know that lesbian cunt tastes
                           good. I should eat dirty lesbians
                           more often.

                                         LITTLE WILLIE
                           What of the other two?

                                         BIG HOG
                           I think I will eat the other one
                           and use Raffi as my new lover.

                                         LITTLE WILLIE
                           Then what of me?

                                         BIG HOG
                           I don't love you. You're just a
                           slave who gets extra attention.

                 Little Willie lowers his head and crawls to the other
                 side of the room.

                                         BIG HOG (CONT'D)
                           Oh don't be like that.

                 Little Willie continues to look away. Big Hog goes back
                 to his chicken.

                 INT. BRIG -

                 Raffi lies on the bed clutching his bag of goodies.
                 Jalena paces back and forth.

                           I never wanted this... I never
                           wanted any of this.

                           Well it happened and we can't go

                           I do not want to become someone's

                           He's eating my girlfriend and I
                           can't do anything about it. I will
                           kill that fucking hog.

                 A Slave walks in with a smile on his face. He jingles a
                 pair of keys.


                 He jingles them again.

                                         SLAVE (CONT'D)
                           Raffi! Raaafffffiiii! Come out to

                 Jalena stands in the doorway looking at the Slave.

                                         SLAVE (CONT'D)
                           What are you looking at, whore?
                           You are next on the menu. I will
                           enjoy eating your feet.

                 The Slave walks over to the force field and looks at it a
                 few seconds.

                                         SLAVE (CONT'D)
                           Is this thing even working?

                 Jalena reaches out and pulls his head down to her knee
                 breaking his nose. She then grabs his neck and snaps it.

                 She leans down to the lifeless body.

                           You really want to eat them?

                 She kicks him in the face repeatedly making his face a
                 bloody mess until Raffi pulls her off.

                           We have to escape.

                           I want revenge. I cannot leave
                           here until I see that Hog's head
                           at my feet.

                 Raffi pulls out a dildo from his bag.

                           Wow, that was awkward.

                 He tosses it to the side and pulls out the MTV Movie
                 Awards Statue.

                           What's that for?

                           At first, I just thought it was a
                           artifact from earth. It is an
                           award given to some guy named Al
                           Pacino who was in an earth classic
                           called Scarface.

                           I have never seen earth films.

                           Maybe one day, I can take you.


                 Raffi twists the base, it lets out a whistle of air and a
                 replica hand gun rises from inside.

                           That's what it is for.

                 Jalena takes the gun from the Slave. Raffi picks the gun
                 up and balances it.

                                         RAFFI (CONT'D)
                           Now that's gangsta.

                 Raffi and Jalena exit the Brig.

                 INT. RAINBOW EXPRESS BRIDGE -

                 Big Hog continues to chew on the chicken and Little
                 Willie lays in the corner.

                 Drool drips from his chin and bits of food follow.

                                         BIG HOG
                           Whores taste good with hot sauce.
                           Where is my hot sauce?

                           We don't have any left, sir. The
                           earth scavengers haven't found

                                         BIG HOG
                           Oh well, I guess I can use my

                 He takes another large piece from a tray beside his

                 The door slides open and a slave falls into the room
                 dead. Raffi and Jalena rush in with guns at the ready.

                           Say hello to my little friend!

                 The two start firing killing all the Slaves, Jalena turns
                 her gun to Big Hog and the gun clicks. Both are now out
                 of ammo.

                 Big Hog laughs spitting up some chicken.

                                         BIG HOG
                           Whore came for her girlfriend?

                 He waves the chicken in front of his face and takes a

                           I will gut you and enjoy watching
                           you die.

                           It's over Hog. Nobody is going to
                           be your bitch and you lose control
                           over earth. I'm calling dibbs now.

                                         BIG HOG
                           I am the bounty hunter here. I
                           will kill both of you sitting in
                           this chair and enjoy every moment
                           once I finish eating you. Slaves
                           can be replaced.

                 Little Willie starts dragging himself toward Big Hog.

                 Jalena walks over to Big Hog, he grabs her by the arm and
                 throws her away.

                 Raffi takes a run at him with the butt of his gun and is
                 thrown into a wall.

                 Jalena helps him up.

                                         BIG HOG (CONT'D)
                           You two are wasting my time.

                 He pulls out a pistol and points it at them.

                                         BIG HOG (CONT'D)
                           I have places to be and people to

                 He fires a shot hitting Raffi in the arm. Raffi falls
                 into Jalena's arms.

                 Little Willie crawls up to Big Hog's feet. Big Hog looks

                                         BIG HOG (CONT'D)
                           My loyal man whore.

                 Big Hog laughs and points the gun at Jalena.

                 Little Willie pulls out a knife and jabs it in his gut.
                 The gun falls from his hand as he looks down at Little

                                         LITTLE WILLIE
                           I'm sorry, my love.

                 Jalena grabs the gun and points it at Hogs head.

                           You took my beloved. What do you
                           have to say now that you're my

                                         BIG HOG
                           You know what? Fuck you! How about

                 Jalena smiles, fires five shots simultaneously in his
                 head spurting blood all over the room.

                 Little Willie pulls the knife out and reaches for his

                           We have to go Jalena.

                 Raffi holding his arm grabs her and pulls her away from
                 the dead body. She drops the gun and the two walk away.

                 Little Willie reaches inside Big Hog's blood stained
                 pants with the knife and begins cutting.

                                                                 FADE OUT.

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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.