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THE LUNCHROOM
Episode Eight
"With Friends Like These..."
Teleplay by
Edward Drogos & Bruce Snyder
Story by
Bruce Snyder & Melinda Waterman
Created by
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Vincent Biga
STORY EDITOR
Melinda Waterman
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Edward Drogos
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Max Majernik
CAST LIST
Will Cooper........................Jamie Bell
Joel Mayberry.................Jesse Eisenberg
Brian Vandele.....................Jason Davis
Brock Warner.....................Martin Starr
Reicther...................John Francis Daley
Casey Jennings....................Kyle Sabihy
Chris Hughes......................Arjay Smith
Stacy Cifaretto................Lauren Ambrose
Mr. John Parker...................Ryan Stiles
GUEST CAST LIST
Dr. Sollett..................Mariska Hargitay
Kirk Hoey...........................Jon Heder
Damian.............................Ben Foster
Pariah.........................Emily Browning
Malcolm.............................Paul Dano
NOTE: The Cast list about is just for fun, it's not real
at all.
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - AFTERNOON
Chris closes his locker door and walks over to get a
drink at a fountain. Behind him the top of Stacy’s red
hair and her eyes poke out the door.
She sees Chris and quickly goes back inside. After a
second Chris finishes his drink.
STACY (O.C.)
Chris!
Chris looks around to see who called him.
STACY (O.C.) (CONT’D)
Chris! Are you there?
CHRIS
(looking around)
I am, but where the fuck are you?
Stacy walks out into the hall.
Her face is covered with different shades of different
makeup. Her eye shadow is on her forehead, her lipstick
goes around her chin and to her nose, and the majority
of blush is on her nose.
CHRIS (CONT’D)
(laughs)
What did you do to yourself?
STACY
It wasn’t me, it was for my drama
class.
CHRIS
And you are rehearsing "The Whores of
Madison County?"
STACY
No! I need you to make sure no one is
around the corner so I can go to the
bathroom.
CHRIS
I mean were you rehearsing a scene
where fifty clowns are driven back -
STACY
Chris!
CHRIS
Alright.
He looks around the corner. Suddenly Mr. Parker walks up
and faces Chris and the back of Stacy.
PARKER
Hey, Chris. Raggedy Annie.
CHRIS
Hi.
STACY
(not turning around)
Hello.
PARKER
(to Chris)
What’s with her?
CHRIS
Uh, nothing.
PARKER
Well turn around then.
After a pause she does revealing her face to Mr. Parker.
PARKER (CONT’D)
Whoa. What happened to you, raggedy
Anne? You start taking make-up tips
from Courtney Love?
Chris stifles a laugh and Stacy looks a little insulted.
STACY
Kristin did my makeup for drama class.
PARKER
Kristin, who’s Kristin...
(realizing)
Oh, Kristin. The blind girl.
(confused)
She did your makeup?
STACY
Yeah. I didn't know she was blind. I
thought she was just clumsy and liked
to wear sunglasses.
PARKER
(laughs)
Well here’s some advice. Next week,
you do her makeup like that.
Mr. Parker begins to walk off.
STACY
What? I can't do that. That's cruel.
PARKER
Hey, she’ll never know.
CUT TO:
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
FADE TO:
INT. DR. SOLLETT'S OFFICE - DAY
Casey is sitting on the couch with Sollett in her chair.
SOLLETT
So your friends left you there for how
long?
CASEY
Only about twenty minutes.
SOLLETT
Only twenty minutes. Casey, don’t you
think that being left at the movie
theatre for any amount of time is too
long?
CASEY
Yeah, I guess.
SOLLETT
Do your friends often do this to you?
CASEY
No this is the first time they left me
there. Being there wasn’t that bad.
(pause)
Trying to find a way home was.
Sollett thinks.
SOLLETT
Casey, I have a thought. It seems
that a lot of your stress comes
directly from your friends. Maybe we
could experiment with you acquainting
yourself with a new group of people?
CASEY
You want me to get new friends?
SOLLETT
Well, maybe if you have different
people surrounding you will have a
different reaction to a situation.
Maybe even new situations, that would
be less of a stress on you.
CASEY
I could try.
SOLLETT
It’s worth a try.
(she looks at the clock)
Time's up.
CUT TO:
INT. JOEL'S KITCHEN - NEXT MORNING
Joel is talking on the phone with his mom. Will is
looking through Joel's fridge.
JOEL
Yeah. (Pause) The bus is suppose to
head out around 9 and we've got to be
up there by 8:30.
WILL
Where the hell is the soda!
Joel signals Will to be quiet.
JOEL
Yeah. (Pause) Yeah. (Pause) Okay. Love
you too. Bye.
Joel hangs up.
WILL
I look and I look but still I see no
soda.
JOEL
Sorry but we don't have any soda.
WILL
Why the hell not?
JOEL
Well unlike your family, we hate that
stuff. Too unhealthy.
WILL
(gasps)
OH! BLASPHEMY!
Will looks through it again.
WILL
Okay what do you have?
JOEL
Apple juice, ice water, milk.
WILL
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you
were Mormon.
JOEL
Hey, I'm sorry but soda burns the back
of my throat.
WILL
Burns the back of your throat?
JOEL
Yeah. I think it has something to do
with my tonsils.
WILL
That's fucked up.
Will briefly gives the fridge another glance.
WILL
I guess, I'll have...
(searches)
A "yahoo."
Will pulls out a Yahoo. Joel looks around.
JOEL
What time is it?
Will checks his watch.
WILL
8:03.
Joel heads out of the room.
JOEL
I'll be right back.
WILL
What are you doing?
JOEL (O.S.)
The only thing I do right before nine.
Will thinks about it.
WILL
Ah screw it.
He opens the bottle and begins to drink. He makes a
face.
WILL
Oh...God damn that sucks!
He swallows.
WILL
...but has a surprising refreshing
after taste.
He takes another drink. He makes another disgusted face.
WILL
(disgusted)
Smooth.
He leaves the room.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY
Casey and another student, MALCOLM are seen facing us,
viewed from their shoulders up. Malcolm looks down
towards his feet and then makes a note in his notebook.
He then glances over at Casey in the direction of his
feet and does a double take.
Casey notices and looks quickly down towards his feet too.
MALCOLM
Has yours grown?
CASEY
Excuse me?
MALCOLM
(pointing)
Look at it. It’s grown.
Casey takes a closer look.
CASEY
I don’t know. It looks a little more
green then yesterday.
The camera pulls back to see that they are both sitting
at a lab table with a specimen in a petri dish before
them.
MALCOLM
(showing Casey his dish)
Look at mine. It’s different, huh?
Do you think it is the same one from
yesterday?
CASEY
I don’t know, is that supposed to
happen?
Casey looks through his science book.
MALCOLM
I’m Malcolm.
CASEY
Casey.
MALCOLM
Is it okay if I call you Case?
CASEY
Fine, I guess.
MALCOLM
Good! God, I can’t wait for this
weekend.
CASEY
Why? What are you going to do?
MALCOLM
Probably go see a bunch of movies.
CASEY
Rather expensive don’t you think?
MALCOLM
Not if you work there.
CASEY
That’s cool. Isn’t that new Angelina
Jolie and Jude Law movie coming out
this weekend?
MALCOLM
Yeah, I can’t tell you how exited I
was when I found out that I get to
watch Jude Law all weekend.
CASEY
Yeah, Angelina is so... wait, Jude
Law? But...But that's a man. You know
the ones with...penises.
MALCOLM
Yeah, he is supposed to amazingly hot
in this film.
Casey pauses for a moment, realizing something.
CASEY
Your gay?
MALCOLM
Please. Even gay people see me and are
like "Oh he's fag."
Casey seems a bit stunned.
MALCOLM
Jesus, haven't you ever met anyone gay
before?
CASEY
Yes, actually. My friend Brock’s moms
kissed in front of me once. It wasn’t
as exiting as I thought it would be.
MALCOLM
(thinks)
See we have that in common, I don’t
like it when two old lesbians kiss
either.
CUT TO:
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME
Will is sitting on the couch watching TV. He seems
bored. He checks his watch.
WILL
Are you almost done choking the living
life out of your toilet, Joel? Because
it's almost 8:30.
JOEL (O.S.)
Time will tell.
Will sighs. Pause. Suddenly the phone rings. Will looks
at the phone. It continues to ring.
JOEL (O.S.)
Pick it up!
WILL
Okay!
Will slowly gets up and goes over to the phone. He
picks up.
WILL
Hello?
(Pause)
Well, he's a bit busy right now trying
make sure he's regular. May I ask
who's calling?
There's a pause. Will seems kind of startled.
WILL
Cathy? Um...no, actually I'm surprised
you called.
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE/BATHROOM - SAME
Joel is sitting on the toilet. He is reading the book
"Stupid White Men by Michael Moore."
Pause. Joel lets out a small giggle.
JOEL
Oh we really are stupid white men.
There's a knock at the door.
WILL (O.S.)
(in fake
friendly voice)
Oh Joel. Buddy 'ol pal.
JOEL
Yes?
WILL (O.S.)
(in fake
friendly voice)
Well, my best buddy in the world I
just got off the phone.
JOEL
Oh yeah. How was it anyway?
WILL (O.S.)
(in fake
friendly voice)
Well, my dear friend. Since you asked...
(serious voice)
...it was Cathy Phenis.
Joel looks up. His eyes get big.
JOEL
(quietly)
Oh fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
WILL (O.S.)
She was just checking up on you, since
because you just HAD to take defecate,
we are now ten minutes late. She just
wanted to make sure you were okay.
Joel seems worried.
JOEL
And what did you say?
WILL (O.S.)
That I'd make sure you were taken care
of.
JOEL
Yip.
WILL (O.S.)
Joel, why don't you come out and we
have a nice a little conversation.
JOEL
You know we should keep talking like
this. You know with the big wooden
door with the lock between us.
WILL (O.S.)
Joel! Come out here!
JOEL
(quietly)
Oh shit!
CUT TO:
INT. DRAWING CLASS - LATER
Casey has his sketch book open and has only been able to
write his name on it. He looks around and sees two
morbid looking GOTH STUDENTS wearing all black with
spiked hair and white faces and black makeup.
He catches their eye and looks away quickly. The Goth
kids move over to Casey.
CASEY
Hi.
DAMIAN
Hello. I'm Damian and this is my
girlfriend Pariah.
CASEY
(uneasy)
Nice to meet you.
They sit down next to him.
PARIAH
You know what helps me think of
something to draw?
CASEY
Not rea -
PARIAH
(overlaps)
I close my eyes and think of the
immortal battle between the sun and
the moon and the cosmic explosions of
darkness and black holes enveloping
into my soul and pouring out of me
through every fiber of my being, and I
suddenly am inspired.
Casey blinks a few times processing what he just heard.
CASEY
...Huh?
DAMIAN
Pariah, show him your painting.
Pariah pulls out a black sketch book and turns to a page
with what looks like a mess of black paint streaks with
one red blob in the middle on it.
Casey looks at it and doesn’t know what to say.
CASEY
Um, what does it mean?
PARIAH
This centers on my blood devotion to
the "Eye of Ra." The deep red center
is my blood seeping into the depths of
society and their indignations nature
towards us.
Casey still can't say anything.
DAMIAN
Don’t you find life completely...
(searches for word)
...lifeless?
CASEY
(depressed)
Now I do.
PARIAH
Do you have a name?
CASEY
Yeah, it’s Casey Jennings.
PARIAH
Oh fuck! That is a ghastly name full
Of brightness! We must change it.
DAMIAN
What does society want you to be?
CASEY
Um, well successful, smart, nice -
DAMIAN
(overlaps)
I think I have a name for you...
Indignant Mortal.
CASEY
What?
PARIAH
It’s perfect. It shows that he is new
and already fully angry at the
establishment.
CASEY
Wait, I’m what?
PARIAH
Don’t you see it?
CASEY
Wouldn’t it just be easier to just
listen to Rage Against the Machine or
something or some other gouth band?
DAMIAN
Actually I have a band.
The bell rings and Casey is relieved and gets up to
leave.
DAMIAN
We're called the Evil Hearts of
Darkness.
CASEY
Hey, I've heard of you.
DAMIAN
You have?
CASEY
Yeah, Your amazingly...morbid.
DAMIAN
Thank you.
CASEY
Don’t mention it. Well, it was nice
talking to you. Gotta go.
PARIAH
Nice to meet you Indignant Mortal,
remember shun the brightness.
CASEY
Yeah, got it.
Casey walks out of the classroom.
CUT TO:
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE/HALLWAY - LATER
Will is sitting against the bathroom door.
WILL
Jesus Christ, Joel. Just come out!
JOEL (O.S.)
You promise not to hurt me?
WILL
You know my stance. I promise nothing.
JOEL (O.S.)
Then, I'm not coming out.
We now INTERCUT between Will and Joel who is sitting on
the toilet (his pants are up this time.)
Pause.
WILL
So what IS the deal with Cathy?
JOEL
Well, we started to run together in
gym class and ended up talking a lot.
WILL
Talking?
JOEL
Yeah.
(pause)
You know that love letter Brian wrote
to her?
WILL
Yeah.
JOEL
Well, he didn't sign it. He just put
"One of Will Cooper's friends." So I
have this theory...that she thinks I
wrote the letter.
Pause.
WILL
Wow...talk about irony.
JOEL
Actually I don't think that's irony.
WILL
Then what is it?
JOEL
(thinking; unsure)
...A pun...Nevermind, the point is I'm
in hard situation.
Pause.
WILL
Do you think she likes you?
JOEL
Well, she - Yeah. I do.
WILL
Do you like her?
Pause. Joel seems to be conflicted.
JOEL
...Yeah. But it's all against my
better judgment.
WILL
(to himself)
Oh shit.
Pause.
WILL
Joel, I'm not going to hurt you. Just
come out and let's talk this threw.
JOEL
Okay.
Joel comes out. The two begin to walk toward the kitchen.
WILL
You know...I think we missed the bus.
Both let out a chuckle.
JOEL
I didn't really want to go in the
first place.
WILL
You know what I think is weird about
this.
JOEL
What?
WILL
That you actually thought I wasn't
going to hurt YOU!
Will quickly jumps onto Joel. Both fall to the ground,
where they begin to wrestle.
Both stand up.
CLOSE UP ON WILL'S FOOT:
His foot steps on the untied shoelace of the other foot.
Will takes a step and quickly falls down. Joel turns
and laughs a bit.
JOEL
(laughing a bit)
Are you okay.
Will slowly stands.
SWILL
I'm okay.
A small tinkle of blood begins to come out of his left
ear.
JOEL
Oh my God!
Will feels his forehead.
WILL
Oh Jesus! A bump.
JOEL
You don't feel it?
WILL
Yes. Can't you see me rubbing my
forehead.
JOEL
No, your ears!
WILL
What?
JOEL
EARS!
WILL
Say again, a bit louder.
Joel reaches over and takes Will's hand and places
it on his ears. Will then takes a look at his hand and
seems terrified to see blood.
WILL
Oh my good...blood!
Will begins to breathe heavily.
JOEL
It's okay. We'll just relax while I
call someone.
Will nods. Suddenly his eyes roll back and he
collapses and BAM! His head hits the corner of the
couch.
JOEL
Oh fuck!
Joel seems confused on what to do.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - SAME
Casey walks against the flow of students in the hallway
and stops to look out the window onto the football field.
Sitting below the window on the floor is Kirk, looking
down at the floor, lost in thought.
Casey walks over and sits down next to him as the feet
of the passing students walk past them.
KIRK
Did you know that the chances of
stepping on gum are 1 in 115,000?
CASEY
Now I do.
KIRK
(pointing)
That piece of gum has been there for
approximately thirty-seven minutes,
and one-hundred-seventeen, eighteen...
nineteen... twenty...
CASEY
I get it.
KIRK
...pairs of feet have walked by.
CASEY
So you are testing this statistic.
KIRK
Yeah.
(beat)
OH! No, it didn’t stick.
CASEY
Maybe you should track how many times
the gum doesn’t stick to some ones
shoe.
Kirk turns slowly to look at him.
KIRK
My ways easier.
Casey is about to say something, but realizes what Kirk
has said. He goes back to studying the gum.
KIRK (CONT’D)
Okay, so that was one time.
Casey sighs, gets up and walks away.
CUT TO:
INT. JOEL'S KITCHEN - LATER
Joel is sitting at the table, while Will lays on the
floor. Will is holding a roll of paper against his ear.
WILL
We've got to do something.
JOEL
I know, I know. I'm just really
confused on what to do. I tell him he
kicks my ass. I hide longer, he finds
out, he hicks my ass.
WILL
Oh shit!
JOEL
What?
WILL
I'm part of this now. Brian ever finds
out, he'll also know I knew. Then
he'll kick MY ASS for not telling him.
JOEL
Well, for now I think we should just
keep this between us. Agreed.
WILL
Agreed.
Will over and him and Joel shake hands.
FADE OUT
FADE IN:
INT. LUNCHROOM - NEXT DAY
Casey walks in and looks at the different tables of
people, deciding where to sit. To his left are the
jocks. Taking up an entire corner, doing nothing but
not thinking.
Behind him he sees Malcolm with the rest of the drama
club looking uninterested in anything besides their art.
But right in front of him he sees Will, Brian, Brock,
Reicther and Joel all laughing at something Chris said.
They see Casey standing there and wave him to a chair
they’ve saved for him. Casey, confused, slowly walks
over and sits down.
WILL
Hey, where were you yesterday?
CASEY
Nowhere special.
REICTHER
Chris, tell him that joke about the
death.
CHRIS
Okay. These two guys are at a bar.
They've just come from a funeral and
their talking about life and death.
The one guy mentions how his parents
died. He says that his father died
horribly. You know, he had cancer,
suffered all the time. But he says it
was weird because his mom died the
opposite. She died peacefully in her
sleep. This gets the second guy
thinking. Finally after a short pause,
the second guy says "Yeah, sounds like
your mom was better off. Sorta like my
dad." The first guy is like "Oh
really." And the second guy continues
on "Yeah, in fact I wanna die like he
did. Calm, relaxed, quiet...you know
not kicking and screaming like the
four other guys in the car.
This makes the rest of the gang laugh, but Casey can only smile.
BROCK
(to Casey)
What's wrong?
CASEY
Nothing’s wrong. Why do you keep
saying that?
BROCK
Well you seen so melancholy.
BRIAN
Melancholy! Where’th the hell’th did
that’th come’th from’th?
REICTHER
...What?
Malcolm comes up to Casey and leans very close to him.
MALCOLM
Case, I just heard that they are
selling double chocolate chunk
cookies, do you want me to get you
one?
CASEY
Sure.
Casey goes for his wallet, but can’t find it.
CASEY (CONT’D)
My wallet. Shit, I forgot it at home.
MALCOLM
Oh, what a shame. Well maybe they’ll
have them tomorrow. Bye.
Malcolm walks off. Casey is still checking his pockets.
CASEY
I can’t believe I forgot it.
JOEL
Wait, I got a dollar.
He gets one out of his pocket and gives it to Casey.
WILL
Yeah, me too.
REICTHER
Have two.
Will and Reicther throw a few bills to Casey.
CHRIS
Two dollars, seventy-seven cents and a
coupon for an low-sodium prune juice.
They all look at him.
CHRIS
What? My money no good around here?
Chris hands it to Casey and Brian slides over a few
bucks.
BRIAN
Here, buy something that makes you
look pretty.
CASEY
Thank you.
The gang shrugs it off. Casey can’t believe it. He
realizes something, when he looks up again his whole
attitude changes.
CASEY
So I heard Stacy let a blind girl do
her makeup.
CHRIS
Yeah, and she had no idea she was blind
until she was finished
All of them laugh now and go up to the counter to get
their food.
FADE TO:
(BEGIN MUSIC: Tenacious D's "Friendship.")
INT. SOLLETT’S OFFICE - NEXT WEEK
Sollett and Casey are in their usual positions.
SOLLETT
So, how did the experiment work out?
CASEY
Very well.
SOLLETT
Really, what happened?
CASEY
It made realize something really
important. I like my friends.
SOLLETT
What?
CASEY
My friends are willing to do things
for me that no one else in that school
will do for me. I’d rather have those
six people sometimes making fun of me
than be alone with the rest of the
school not noticing me at all.
Pause.
CASEY
Is that what they call a breakthrough?
SOLLETT
Do YOU think it is a breakthrough?
Casey rolls his eyes.
FADE OUT.
(The song continues over the end credits.)
END OF EPISODE
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