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THE LUNCHROOM Episode Five "The Camping Trip" Teleplay by Vincent Biga & Edward Drogos Story by Vincent Biga Created by Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Vincent Biga STORY EDITOR Melinda Waterman CAST LIST Will Cooper................................. Joel Mayberry............................... Brian Vandele............................... Brock Warner................................ Reicther.................................... Casey Jennings.............................. Chris Hughes................................ Stacy Cifaretto............................. Mr. John Parker............................. GUEST CAST LIST Jill Reicther............................... Mrs. Hackford............................... James....................................... Learning Disability Teacher................. Cathy....................................... Richard..................................... Copyright © Bruce Snyder TEASER FADE IN: INT. CAMP SITE – DAY On a sandy shore of large lake, there are three tents on the ground waiting to be set up. Off to the left a rocky hill goes off into the distance and to the right, there is a trial leading off into a wooded area surrounding the entire lake. We hear people coming down the path and the leaves rustling, then Reicther, Will, Brock, Casey, Chris all walk down the path carrying various things. Casey has an overstuffed backpack while the other guys carry small coolers or other small bags. REICTHER And here we are the base camp! CASEY Great...Now where can I put my stuff? This bag weighs a ton. Joel struggles down to behind the rest of them from the trial, having a hard time maneuvering a wheeled bag over the uneven ground. JOEL Why did I get the one with the wheels? CASEY Because you didn't want to carry anything. Now, which tent is mine? REICTHER I don't think you understand Casey. This is where it all begins. WILL Oh what, this speech again? REICTHER From here we will boldly go where no one has gone before. JOEL It's just the woods in your backyard... REICTHER To seek out and find new life the likes of have never been seen before!! CASEY That's great but - REICTHER Hang on I'm not finished. To document and capture specimens of unknown origin – Everyone walks past him while he's talking. REICTHER (CONT'D) Hey, I said I wasn't finished! Joel runs the wheels over Reicther feet making him yelp in pain. Seeing that no one is listing to him, Reicther follows them to the tent. Casey looks around the campsite with a disappointed expression on his face. CASEY Hey, Reicther. I'm no expert and I don't mean to complain but this isn't exactly the ideal spot for camping. REICTHER Quit complaining and just set up your tent somewhere. There is nothing wrong with this spot. Chris, Will, Joel and Casey go about setting up Casey's tent. BROCK Actually this spot is horrible. I was about to say something about that myself. REICTHER What's wrong with it? I spent hours trying to find a good spot, and do you know how hard it is to set up one of those tents? BROCK It must be difficult for you to set up a tent seeing you have no idea to pick out a camp site! Brock begins to walk around the campsite, first he walks to the big tent. BROCK Just look at it! Brock throws up his arms. BROCK That side is higher up than that Side. I don't think this part should stick out so far and the door is in the water. Brock walks over to one of the small tents. BROCK And then there's my tent... REICTHER What's wrong with it? BROCK Oh, I don't know maybe just that its on top of a lot of rocks, I have a feeling it won't be pleasant to sleep on. REICTHER Hey, it's not my fault you picked that spot to put your tent. BROCK There is no place else! Reicther turns and points at the rest of the guys, Casey and Chris are struggling to put up Casey's tent while Will and Joel are sitting in lawn chairs, talking. REICTHER Casey found a spot. BROCK There's a ditch right behind his tent. One wrong move and his tent will slide right into it. There is a short pause. REICTHER He still found a spot. CASEY Yay, I got it! Casey's tent appears to be up but then collapses in the middle leaving the middle sticking straight up in the air. CASEY Oh wait never mind. WILL Funny, you've never had trouble pitching a tent before. Everyone except Casey laughs. REICTHER (to Brock) You help Casey with his tent. BROCK Me, why me? REICTHER (to Will and Joel) Hey there's still some stuff up at the house you guys come help me carry it down. Will, Chris, Joel both hop up and start toward the path. REICTHER (CONT'D) (to Brock) That's why. As Reicther walks away Brock scowls at him, in the background we see Casey get tangled in the tent fabric. CASEY Ahh help me!! CUT TO: OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. AFTER CREDITS: INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - MORNING It is pitch black even though the digital clock reads 12:27. There are blankets over the windows. Brian is sprawled out on the bed under a blanket. Stacy barges into the room and turns on the light. STACY Wake up. BRIAN (face in the pillow) No. STACY I have a present for you. BRIAN Go awa - What is it? STACY I'm giving you my car! Brian gets up slowly and looks at her funny, there is a long pause. BRIAN You're out of your fucking mind. Stacy looks hurt. STACY What, why not? It's a great little Car. BRIAN Its also pink. STACY So? With all the dark colors you wear you need a something bright and cheery. BRIAN I'm not driving a pink car! STACY Come on! I'll even teach you how to drive. BRIAN I'm taking drivers ed. STACY If I teach mom won't have to pay anything! BRIAN But people who go through drivers ed don't have to wait as long to get their license, also they don't have to take a test to get their learners permit and they get a cut on insurance. Not to mention Dad is going to get me a car for my birthday, so there's really no need for me to take your stupid car. There is a short pause. BRIAN (CONT'D) But most importantly it's pink. Stacy sighs in frustration, a phone sitting on Brian's desk rings and Stacy quickly picks it up. STACY (irritated) Hello? Brian, lays back down. STACY (CONT'D) (continued) Oh, hi Daddy... Brian sits back up. STACY (CONT'D) (continued) Yeah he's right here. Stacy hands Brian the phone, he shoos her out of his room, after she's gone he puts the phone to his ear. BRIAN Hello? INT. PATH - LATER Reicther, Joel and Will make their way through a path towards Reicther's house, talking about nothing in particular. Reicther looks up and notices something. REICTHER Hey its Brian! The camera pans to the left to see Brian standing in Reicther's backyard. Reicther, Joel and Will all enter the frame. WILL Hey Brian where's your stuff? BRIAN Yeah, about that...I can't come. REICTHER Why not? You said you could yesterday! BRIAN I'm sorry okay, something came up. JOEL What came up? BRIAN My dad wants to teach me the basics of driving . They are all quiet a moment. REICTHER Yeah right if you don't want to come you just should have said so. BRIAN Dude I'm not lying! I would never try to weasel my way out of something unless I had an actual reason for it! REICTHER I've never seen or even heard mention of your dad what makes you think I should believe you? BRIAN What are you saying? REICTHER You don't have a dad!! BRIAN What!? JOEL Yes he does. They all look at Joel. WILL Yeah, I've seen him too, only at a distance though...and it was dark. JOEL Well I had dinner with him. BRIAN You talk like he's a monster from a horror movie. Suddenly Brock enters. REICTHER I thought you were helping Casey! BROCK Let him figure it out. CHRIS (O.C.) (calling over) Twinkies! BROCK Oh yeah, Chris wants Twinkies. What are you guys talking about? BRIAN My dad. BROCK Oh... Brock becomes silent too. Brian sighs. JOEL I remember that dinner like it was yesterday... We close up on Joel's face and the image gets all wavy like in flash back sequences. JOEL (CONT'D) I went to Brian's house last summer on a Saturday, turns out dad offered to go out for pizza. Brian offered to take me, being polite I accepted... DISSOLVE TO: INT. PIZZA RESTAURANT - FLASHBACK We see the back of WALTER VANDELE'S head, Brian's father. The CAMERA then rotates until we can see Walter's face. He seems to be the opposite of Brian. Chiseled chin. Black, short hair. Well built. (Like Bruce Campbell) WALTER So, Brian this is your friend Joe, well its nice to meet you Joe. JOEL Uh actually its Joel... sir. WALTER Oh sorry about that Joel, Brian why don't you ever introduce me to any over your friends huh? Brian opens his mouth. WALTER Oh I'm just kidding. Say you boy's like the rock and roll? Let me go to the juke-box. Walter gets up and leaves. JOEL (V.O.) And his Half Brother was there as well. The camera pans to see the back of the head of ANTHONY VANDELE, Brian's older Half-Brother. REICTHER (V.O.) Wait a minute, since when does Brian have a half brother? JOEL (V.O.) (annoyed) Shut up, it's my story. As I was saying, Brian's brother was there too. The CAMERA ROTATES again until we see Anthony from the front. He too is the very opposite of Brian. Young. Blonde Curly hair. Good looks. Like Shawn Ashmore. ANTHONY So Joel how much does Brain pay you to hang out with him? Joel can't help but chuckle. BRIAN The going rate is five bucks better get in it while you can. Walter's head returns as Pink Floyd's "The Wall" starts to play. WALTER I couldn't find anything good so I picked something great! Walter laughs and begins to snap his fingers to the beat. A waitress walks up. Joel continues to be amazed by Walter and Anthony. INT. PATH - PRESENT Will, Brian, Reicther, Brock, and Chris are standing around Joel. JOEL And that is my story of how I met Brian's dad. REICTHER Oh fascinating, well any way. Can you come back tomorrow Brian? We'll be here all weekend. BRIAN No sorry, Stacy wants to take me out and 'teach me the right way to drive' as she put it. JOEL So, wait both your dad and your sister are going to teach you how to drive? BRIAN Uh, yeah...I guess. REICTHER Oh come one!! If you don't want to come just say so! BRIAN No its not that I'm serious! Suddenly Walter walks up. WALTER Hey Brian, what's the hold up we need to get going. Oh, hi Joe! Walter waves. The guys wave at Walter feebly and they are all wide-eyed. BRIAN Well see you guys later I guess. Brian walks off. They are stunned for a moment. REICTHER E-gads! I thought Brian's dad was just a myth, I guess Brian was a genetically engineered, test tube baby, modeled to be the perfect son. WILL If he was genetically engineered to be the perfect son why is he overweight and can't get along with a certain race? CHRIS Which race? WILL Human beings. There is a slight pause. CHRIS I'm going to back to the camp site and make sure Casey hasn't broken anything. WILL Pretty tall order there, Chris. Chris walks off. Reicther is still trying to think. REICTHER But...Uh... Everyone walk to the house. REICTHER Stacy turned out pretty good though! INT. PATH - A LITTLE LATTER We see Reicther, Brock, Joel and Will walking back down the path with some food and a radio. REICTHER Brian's dad looked weird. BROCK You should have seen him with the goatee. REICTHER I can only imagine that. They come to a fork in the road. JOEL Which way? REICTHER (looks) Um...I think, this way. They turn left and Will, who is leading the way, trips over something and falls over, the other guys start laughing at him as he gets up. JOEL Nice move. WILL (confused) Was that tree always there? He looks at surroundings. WILL I've tripped over this tree before. JOEL I'm not surprised. They continue. CUT TO: INT. WALTER'S CAR - LATER Walter is driving and Stacy is in front, Brian is in the back looking out the window. BRIAN So, dad, what else do I have to learn about driving? Don't you think it is a little more simple than people make it out to be? STACY (to Walter) You know, I think you are right, maybe he is a little too young to drive... WALTER Alright Stacy, calm down. Now, Brian, I'm sure you know all about wearing your seat belt, speed limits, and drinking and driving. (getting dramatic) But, let me ask you, what would you do if you're driving and a large cow flies off from a cattle truck and is heading tail first into your windshield. What do you do? BRIAN Wake up, because I'm dreaming and I'm in the movie "Twister." Walter finds his very funny and starts to laugh. WALTER Oh, good one Brian. STACY (annoyed, to Brian) If you let me teach you at least you would have learned something. WALTER Oh, don't worry Stacy, I'm taking Brian to a empty parking lot. We'll teach him everything there. BRIAN That's all fine and dandy, but I think that more important question is, what kind of car am I going to get on my birthday? We can see Walter's head lean closer to Stacy. WALTER Maybe I will need your help. STACY (looks back at Brian) Oh good. Brian rolls his eyes, and looks out the window again. CUT TO: EXT. PATH - LATER Reicther, Brock, Joel and Will are still waking trying to get back to Base Camp. WILL I think we turned the wrong way. BROCK (annoyed, tired) No, lets clarify. Reicther led us the wrong way. REICTHER How was I supposed to know there would be so many paths? They hear noises coming from behind them. They all turn around at once to see nothing. JOEL Rabbit. REICTHER A fat ass rabbit. They all turn around again and see Casey standing right in front of them. Once again Will trips over something, falling back on Joel and the rest of them resulting in them falling back like dominos. The radio slips out of Will's hand and rolls down the embankment. WILL Shit, my radio! As it bounces down the hill it turns on and plays Destiny's Child's "Loose My Breath" full blast. Casey is laughing as the rest of them get off each other. Will looks down the hill to his radio. WILL (to Casey) Guess who's getting my radio. CASEY Down there... WILL Yep. Will slaps Casey on the back and makes him slide down the slippery hill a little. He is able to get to the bottom and turn off the radio. REICTHER How is it down there? CASEY Um, dirty... But there is another path. BROCK Should we go down there? CASEY I think you should because I can't get back up! REICTHER Lets go. The rest of them slide down the same way and brush the dirt off them. WILL Oh god! CASEY Yeah it's a little smelly too. CUT TO: INT. WALTER'S CAR - LATER Brian is in the drivers seat now with Walter in front and Stacy behind him. They are parked in an empty parking lot of a mall. WALTER Okay, after you turn it to the left, then to back you turn it to the right, until you get back to the center... (Brian does this) And then, to go right, you... BRIAN Yeah, I had no idea it worked like that... WALTER Good, its coming back to you know. (he taps Brian on his shoulder) Once you've checked your surroundings, analyzed your situation, you are ready to go. BRIAN (looking around) I'm in a deserted parking lot, what do I have to analyze? WALTER Pedestrians! Shopping Carts! Parking lot rage! STACY Run away Watermelons! WALTER That's not funny, Stacy. Brian, do you understand? BRIAN I guess... WALTER (exited) Good! He slaps Brian on his back, making Brian jump and hit the gas. The car speeds forward and to the right over the curb and in between two light posts. WALTER (CONT'D) STOP! STOP! TURN! TURN! Brian spins the wheel around and slams on the breaks. This makes the car spin around making skid marks on the pavement before coming to a stop. BRIAN Oh my god! He and Stacy cant help but laugh. However, Water is angry. WALTER Turn it off. (Brian does) Do you think you are a stunt driver or something! BRIAN No. WALTER I think I'll take it from here. Get out. Brian and Walter get out and switch places. Walter starts up the car again. He looks forward and sees a light post in front of the car. Walter then looks behind him, there is another light post inches away from his back bumper. OUTSIDE CAR - The car is pinned, front and back, between the two light posts that Brian drove through before. BACK INSIDE - Walter looks back to Brian who is in disbelief. WALTER Well you got us into this. CUT TO: EXT. A DARKER PATH - LATER Will, Brock, Reicther, Joel and Casey are still walking. CASEY Okay, I really don't even know what state we are in now. WILL Where are you leading us, Reicther? REICTHER I'm not leading you anywhere. I'm just trying to get back to base camp. They continue to walk. WILL Reicther, what would Captain Kirk do? REICTHER He'd kick your ass. If I remember it right Shatner beat up a few Klingons in his prime. BROCK Aren't Klingons from Star Wars? REICTHER No, Klingons in Star Trek, Ewoks from Star Wars. They finally break through the bushes and walk onto the edge of the lake and look upon a bunch of little cabins. CASEY This isn't base camp! BROCK Thank you Mr. Obvious. I don't know where this is. We must be somewhere on the northern part of the lake. They walk up to one of the cabins. There is a sign that has been distorted by time but you can make out half the letters. Casey picks it up. CASEY Looks like...Camp Witch-you-wan something...I can't make out the rest. JOEL Camp Witchyouwantama! CASEY What? JOEL This is Camp Witchyouwantama! I used to go there when I was a kid. (he turns to Will) Remember, this is where I met you. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. CAMP - OBSTACLE COURSE (FLASHBACK) - DAY A climbing wall is in the view of a group of seven-year-old boys as CAMP COUNSELOR explains to them their mission. CAMP COUNSELOR Okay, so you'll run to the wall, in pairs, climb over it, climb through the tires, walk across the balance beam, and run back across the finish line through the tunnel. Billy and Joseph, you go first. They stand up and prepare to race. CAMP COUNSELOR (CONT'D) Alright, on your marks, get set... Go! The rest of the boys start to cheer as a seven-year-old Joel walks up to another seven-year-old, Will. YOUNG WILL Hi. YOUNG JOEL Hi. Do you like "Pinky and the Brain?" YOUNG WILL Yeah! YOUNG JOEL I think the counselors have a TV in their lunchroom. Do you want to go watch it? YOUNG WILL Sure! They walk off. FADE BACK TO: EXT. LAKE SHORE - MOMENTS LATER They snap back to reality. WILL I never went to summer camp. I met you when I was eleven. JOEL (confused) Really? Joel seems shocked, then confused again. JOEL But wait, that place was miles away! This can't be it. REICTHER Yeah, I went here too. We must have been on the bus for over an hour. BROCK I came here once and on my first day fell and broke my arm. My moms where here in like ten minutes to take me to the hospital. CASEY How the hell did you do that? BROCK (softly) I don't want to talk about it. (to Joel) So wait, is this must be the camp then, right? JOEL I has to be! Look around! (points out different buildings) That's my old cabin... that's the Arts and Crafts Building.. and that...that was creepy camp keeper Carl's cabin. CASEY You remember Carl too? JOEL Oh yeah, he was so cool. I remember once, he snuck in... The rest of them notice something behind Will and take a step back. WILL (CONT'D) (he notices the rest of them) What? Will turns around to see a Man, CARL, wearing dirty overalls, and holding something behind his back. CARL Hello. I wasn't expecting company. WILL We weren't expecting to visit. JOEL Um, you wouldn't happen to be Carl would you? CARL I am. You wouldn't happen to be that Mayberry boy would you? JOEL Yeah, you remember me? CARL No, it's on your jacket. Will looks down to his jacket, it has "J. Mayberry" embroidered on his left lapel. JOEL Ah, so I do. See the reason I know you is because my friend and I... Joel tries to get the rest of them to stand closer to him but they take another step back. JOEL (CONT'D) Remember you from that... back then. CARL (angry) Oh, don't talk to me about that god damn camp. They threw me out on my ass faster that those inspectors ran out of here after they got back those results of the soil samples. CASEY Soil samples? CARL Oh, a little arsenic never hurt no one. I've lived here since the camp closed. And I still have my health, my sense of humor, and my curiosity. What are you boys doing up here? WILL We're lost. CARL Lost? CASEY Yeah, we were trying to get back to the camp site, but we took a number of wrong turns. CARL I see. REICTHER What time is it? CARL (checking his watch) Just after three. WILL Oh my god, how long has Chris been sitting there? CARL Who's Chris? JOEL Oh, he's our other friend. He's back at the camp site. WILL Would you mind showing us how to get back to Reicther's house? CARL No problem. I have a map in my house. He pulls out a cane from behind his back and starts to walk over to his house, the gang doesn't follow. Carl turns around. CARL (CONT'D) Oh come on...I may look a little scary but I won't kill you. You know it's kinda fun seeing people react to me. They take a few steps forward, and walk with Carl. BROCK Hey, you know what would be really funny... CUT TO: EXT. THE CAMP SITE - LATER Chris is sitting alone on a log by the lake shore. He checks his watch. It's 3:30 PM. CHRIS That's it I give up! He stands up and turns around to see a towering figure wearing a catchers helmet and brandishing a baseball bat, standing behind him. Chris screams and turns to the left and crashes into a table. He rolls onto the ground and scrambles into his tent, and frantically zips up the door. INT. CASEY'S TENT - CONTINUOUS Chris is as far away from the door, but now he is trapped. CHRIS That was stupid. The zipper slowly unzips from the outside and suddenly Brock, Joel and Reicther jump into the tent making Chris scream like a little girl. EXT. THE CAMP SITE - CONTINUOUS Joel and Reicther drag a petrified Chris out of the tent laughing hysterically. Chris takes his mask off and puts down the bat. CHRIS Who is that? JOEL This is Carl. He was grounds keeper for a camp we used to go to. CHRIS And what, you just take him out to scare the shit out of your friends, after they have been sitting here for hours waiting for you. That's not funny! Chris begins to walk away, when Reicther pulls something out of his bag. REICTHER Chris... Chris turns around to see Reicther holding a bag of Twinkies in his hand. Chris is conflicted. CHRIS (walking over) Nice to meet you, Carl. (grabbing the Twinkies) I'll take those. FADE TO: EXT. PARKING LOT - LATER The sun is setting and Walter, Stacy and Brian stand behind construction cones surrounding their car because a large forklift is driving up to the car to lift it out. BRIAN Stacy, I think I may want your car because dad might not buy me a car a soon as I thought. STACY I don't see how that it will work because dad wont be letting you get your license as soon as you thought either. They continue to watch as the car is lifted up and moved. FADE TO: EXT. THE CAMP SITE - EVENING Reicther is putting some more logs on the fire while Joel and Will put marshmallows on sticks. Brock is in his sleeping bag, reading a magazine and Chris is trying to make shadow puppets on the side of the tent. Casey is looking at the stars above him. Suddenly they all turn around because of a noise from behind them. CHRIS Did you have another surprise guest for me? BROCK No. A beam of light from a flashlight breaks through the trees and seconds later Brian steps into view. BROCK Brian! Brian walks over and sits down next to Joel and Will. WILL How the hell did you find us? BRIAN Your smoke signals. JOEL What? BRIAN (pointing to the campfire) That smoke trail can be seen from about a mile away. REICTHER Really... cool. They start to put the marshmallows into the fire. CASEY So how did the driving lesson go? BRIAN (thinking) Good. But the good news is, I can be here for the rest of the weekend. REICTHER What, Stacy lost interest in teaching You too? BRIAN Something like that. Suddenly the crunching of leaves can be heard coming from the trees around them. They all look up. REICTHER What is that? A dozen FIREFIGHTERS in yellow jackets running with long fire hoses come out from amongst the trees surrounding the campfire. Chris is so shocked that he lets his marshmallow catch on fire. Once the Firefighters see the small campfire they all stop running and just look at the gang. A HELICOPTER flies above them. The HEAD FIREFIGHTER pulls out his radio. HEAD FIREFIGHTER Jimmy! False alarm. Don't dump the water! Abort! FIREFIGHTER What do you have to say for yourselves? REICTHER Isn't Smokey Bear supposed to show up? Reicther nervously smiles but notices that the firefighters are angry. Chris notices his marshmallow is on fire. CHRIS Marshmallow's done. FADE OUT. (Over the end credits, "Happy Jack" by The Who plays over them.) END OF EPISODE
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