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THE LUNCHROOM
Episode 3.02
"Master Debaters"
WRITTEN BY
Edward Drogos
CREATED BY
Bruce Snyder
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
Chris Hughes................................
Stacy Cifaretto.............................
Mr. John Parker.............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Debbie Vandele..............................
Bobby Monaghan..............................
Louis Kent..................................
Principal Stevens...........................
Mindy.......................................
Student #1..................................
Student #2..................................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - LATE AFTERNOON
It's after school and Chris is stapling a large flyer
concerning applying for class president on a bulletin
board in the hallway. He finishes and goes down a few
feet to another board and does it again.
A bunch of other students come out of a classroom and
walk past Chris, ignoring him. One who doesn’t, is
Stacy.
STACY
Chris...?
CHRIS
Oh, hi Stacy. What are you still
doing here?
STACY
The Norwegian Appreciation Club just
finished. I've joined everything
this year. I'm not going to miss
anything. Did you join something?
CHRIS
No. This is part of my detention.
STACY
Detention! This is the first week
of school.
CHRIS
You're telling me.
STACY
What are you talking about?
CHRIS
The last day of school, last year,
I thought it would be amusing to
use my artistic ability to make a
drawing of Ms. Labatt with a
chalkboard eraser...she thought
differently. But since it was the
last day of school, she couldn’t
punish me.
Chris moves on to the next bulletin board.
STACY
So, she made you serve your
detention when you came back.
That's smart.
Chris shoots her a look.
STACY (CONT'D)
I mean...What an evil miserable
bitch.
They move to the next board.
STACY (CONT'D)
What’s that for?
CHRIS
(handing one to her)
Elections for class president. I
gotta keep going. See you later.
STACY
Yeah, bye.
Chris walks away as Stacy reads the flyer. She looks
interested and puts it into her backpack and walks on.
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
FADE TO:
INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN – MORNING
It's the next morning and Brian, Stacy and their mother
DEBBIE are having breakfast. Stacy takes more cereal.
STACY
So, I decided to run for class
president.
DEBBIE
Really?
STACY
Yeah, really. I thought it would be
a cool thing to do, especially now.
BRIAN
Sounds interesting.
STACY
Good, because I was wondering...
DEBBIE
(interrupting)
I ran for class president. In 1981.
It was my senior year and I was
inspired by the election of Jimmy
Carter, to get involved.
BRIAN
Well, I hate to be a pursuer of
accuracy but it was Reagan who was
elected in ‘81.
DEBBIE
What did I say about that last
night?
BRIAN
No one likes a smart ass.
DEBBIE
Anyway it wasn’t Reagan who did it,
it was Warner Douglas.
STACY
Who was Warner Douglas?
DEBBIE
This boy I liked. He had an
interest in politics, so I said I’d
run for to get him to like me.
BRIAN
Did you win?
DEBBIE
No. There was a little scandal. It
was with one of the other
candidates. He was a really boring
guy and he got involved in this
riot after a Rick Springfield
concert, and after that, he got so
popular, he won.
STACY
Oh.
BRIAN
Who the hell starts a riot after a
Rick Springfield concert?
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – MORNING
The Gang and the rest of the school are getting things
from their lockers before class. Reicther, Joel, and
Chris are close together on the left side and Brian,
Brock, and Will are spread out on the right.
BRIAN
Hey, guess what Stacy announced
this morning?
JOEL
(thinking hard)
She's...going to become a nun?
BRIAN
No. It's something of a political
nature.
REICTHER
Oh, she’s not one of those who
voted for Nader is she?
BRIAN
Why do I feel as if most of our
conversations would be better if we
never talked. Anyway she's running
for class president.
REICTHER
Oh.
(pause)
Why?
BRIAN
No idea. But get this, she wants me
to be her speech writer.
CASEY (O.C.)
What?
They turn to look all the way down to the end of the
hall where Casey’s locker is.
BRIAN
(yelling over)
I'm going to be her speech writer!
CASEY
Oh. Okay. Gotcha!
WILL
So what does she want us to do?
BRIAN
I don't know.
The bell rings and there is a scramble around them.
BRIAN (CONT'D)
I guess we'll talk at lunch.
WILL
Okay.
CASEY (O.C.)
What?
WILL
(calling out)
Meeting at lunch!
CASEY
Okay!
They walk off to their different classes.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – LUNCHTIME
Brock and Casey are walking down a mostly empty hall,
talking.
CASEY
So then they finally got the car
doors unlocked and we were able to
get out.
BROCK
But why did they open trunk?
CASEY
No, that’s not the point. It never
went off.
(nothing)
See when you get into the car...
They pass through the doors into the lunchroom.
INT. LUNCHROOM – CONTINUOUS
Casey stops talking to look up at a large crowd of
people gathered around Stacy and another kid debating
with each other.
CASEY
She isn’t wasting any time is she.
BROCK
Who's the other guy?
CASEY
Bobby Monaghan. Incumbent class
president from the freshman slash
sophomore term.
BROCK
Are you friends with him and not
telling us?
CASEY
No.
He points to a poster on the wall that says all that.
BROCK
Oh.
They see Will, Brian and Chris standing in the crowd and
join them.
STACY
You call those accomplishments!
Yeah, milk prices went down, but a
coke costs a buck twenty-five. He
just doesn’t understand, if he
wants to throw all these parties
for each different grade, that
costs money. My money. Your money.
Plus while we were having all those
parties, the east parking lot fell
into disrepair. All the cars are
all bunched up in one tiny lot!
That’s not safe.
BOBBY
Well, if you are going to nitpick.
You have no experience whatsoever
in school politics. Stacy has no
idea how to run things. While she
has been racking up a few honorary
titles in the year books, I have
been bringing this school to a
whole new beginning.
STACY
You call that Nitpicking?
BRIAN
Fuck that. That's personal attacks.
They stare each other down, and Stacy is ready to say
more when Will jumps in between them.
WILL
Okay! Stacy. Save some for the
debate!
BOBBY
Who are you?
WILL
Me, I’m her...(thinks) presidential
...advi...no, wait -
STACY
(cutting in)
He's my campaign manager.
WILL
Yeah. Who the fuck are you?
BOBBY
Your current class president.
WILL
Bullshit. When were you elected.
BOBBY
Last year.
WILL
How am I suppose to remember that.
Hell, I don't know where I am half
the time.
Bobby sees that all the attention he was gathering has
dwindled, and walks away.
WILL (CONT’D)
Okay! Since this has turned into a
little rally, anyone have questions
for Miss...
STACY
(whispering)
Cifaretto.
WILL
Cifaretto!
STUDENT
What about the empty parking lot,
what are you going to do with it?
STACY
Well, what do you want to have
there? It’s up to you. Tell me what
you want and I’ll get it done...
Bobby walks off the crate and over to the gang while
Stacy continues to take questions.
BOBBY
So you’re the guys helping Stacy
out, huh?
They glance at Bobby and return their focus to Stacy.
BOBBY
What? We can’t be friends?
CASEY
(quickly)
Kiss my big, fat, hairy, pimply ass,
Bob.
Bobby storms off.
INT. VANDELE HOME - BASEMENT – EVENING
Brock, Reicther, Joel, Casey, Will and Chris are all gathered
around an old table sitting in mismatched chairs. Stacy
and Brian walk down the stairs carrying some snack and
bottles of soda.
STACY
Well, thank you all for coming.
Everyone looks at her.
STACY
Anyway, I went to register today and
I found out that my official
competitors are Bobby Monaghan and
Louis Kent. And anyone else who
wants to try for write in.
CASEY
What does that mean?
STACY
What?
CASEY
Who aren’t the official ones?
STACY
Any other person who no one cares
about. The principal chooses three
candidates on the ballot, and if
you want someone else, you can
write it in.
CASEY
Okay.
STACY
Anyway, I have a few things I
thought would be really great for
the junior and senior students.
REICTHER
What about the lower grades?
STACY
I don’t represent them.
REICTHER
What, we're not equal or
something. I mean what's up with
that?
BRIAN
No, they have their own leader. The
school is split into freshman and
sophomore, then junior and senior
groups. You didn’t know this?
REICTHER
Well...no.
JOEL
Yeah, I wasn’t so sure either...
CHRIS
What about the people who run as
write ins?
BROCK
Do the two presidents work
together?
Stacy looks shocked that they don’t know about it.
BRIAN
Yeah, they do. You know, we’re here
to find out what we are all going
to do.
Brian sits down and looks to Stacy.
REICTHER
So what do you want me to do?
STACY
Uh, you and Brock make up some
flyers and pass them out to anyone
you see.
Brock sighs. Reicther smiles.
REICTHER
Don't worry, Brock. Were going to
have lots of fun.
Brock looks angry.
STACY
Joel and Casey, can you come up
with some commercials they can air
on the school TV network?
JOEL
It shall be done.
STACY
And they told me that I have to do
an interview with a guy from the
school newspaper. Will I need you
to help me with that.
WILL
What else would a campaign manager
do?
REICTHER
Manage the campaign, maybe?
STACY
Brian, your already writing my
speeches and Chris, you can...you
will...um,...spread the word.
CHRIS
Excuse me?
WILL
Yeah, you are good at talking to
people, you can go around
convincing people to vote for
Stacy.
CHRIS
Convincing?
WILL
Well, persuading. What do you
think?
CHRIS
The gospel of Stacy Cifaretto. I
think I can handle that.
STACY
Great! I guess we are done today.
Let’s work on our assignments, and
get ready for the launch, next
Monday.
CASEY
Okay.
They all get up.
BROCK
So I guess this officially makes us
your campaign staff?
STACY
Yes it does.
WILL
We're sorta like guys on "The West
Wing."
BROCK
Cool.
Pause.
BRIAN
Let's play Dynasty Warriors!
Brian, Brock, Joel, Casey, and Reicther run up stairs.
Will and Chris linger.
WILL
(sarcastically)
Oh yeah. Video games.
CHRIS
(sarcastically)
What fun.
They slowly walk up the stairs. Stacy rolls her eyes as
the rest of them run upstairs.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
It’s a few days later and Casey and Joel put up a poster
of Stacy on the wall. We PULL BACK and reveal that there
are hundreds of them from floor to ceiling.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Chris has a gathered a group of people around him and is
speaking about Stacy.
INT. VANDELE HOME - DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Will and Stacy are doing a mock interview.
WILL
Stacy, what do you want to do for
this school?
STACY
I want the students to decide, this
is their school, and what they
need.
WILL
Very good.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MR. PARKER'S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Mr. Parker is busy writing something on the chalkboard.
Stacy is standing close by.
STACY
Why can't I put any flyers in here?
PARKER
Stacy, you know how I feel about
democracy and voting.
STACY
That it's all crap.
PARKER
Exactly. Besides, if I let you hang
one flyer then Bobby will want to
hang one. Then Louis. That's three
flyers! I just don't have space.
Stacy then looks around and notices a lot of empty spots
on the wall. She sighs and leaves.
CUT TO:
EXT. SCHOOL - NEXT MORNING
Stacy gets out of her car in the parking lot. Suddenly,
Casey and Joel run up.
STACY
Hey guys. Where’s Will?
JOEL
Um, damage control.
STACY
Damage control, what do you mean,
did something happen?
CASEY
You could say that...
STACY
I fucking did. What happened?
JOEL
You better come inside.
They usher her in through the door past a number of
Bobby supporters.
INT. SCHOOL ENTRANCE – CONTINUOUS
Stacy walks in to see the walls covered with posters of
attack ads against Stacy and all of her ideas and
positions.
STACY
Oh my god.
Will and Brock come up to Stacy.
WILL
Stacy, let’s go. In here.
They lead her into a empty classroom and close the door.
INT. CLASSROOM – CONTINUOUS
The rest of the staff except Chris are already waiting
for Stacy when she walks in.
STACY
Will, what is going on?
WILL
It’s Monaghan. He had some
photographer follow you around,
waiting for you fuck up.
STACY
Is that legal?
WILL
Please, in this campaign everything
is legal. I think we have to go on
the defensive.
STACY
How?
WILL
Reicther, if that asshole Bobby
wants to do funny photos, so can
you.
REICTHER
I want to do funny photos?
WILL
Yes, you want to do funny photos!
(he takes a deep breath)
I believe the school just got Adobe
Photoshop, you and Brock have fun.
(turning to Casey)
Joel, Casey, lets get some ads on
the school TV network, okay?
JOEL
Alright.
WILL
Stacy, we do a practice interview
again.
STACY
Yeah, lets do that tonight.
WILL
Good.
CUT TO:
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Casey and Joel are sitting on either sides of a large TV
and a few STUDENTS are helping themselves to the free
food set out on a table.
Joel pops in a video cassette and Casey clears his
throat to get the Students attention.
CASEY
Okay, everybody. If you are ready
please take your seats and we’ll
begin.
They take a few more cookies and sit down.
CASEY (CONT'D)
I just want to start out by
thanking all of you for taking time
to participate in this focus group.
STUDENT # 1
Oh, so your the one running.
CASEY
(thrown)
No.
STUDENT # 1
You sound like it.
CASEY
Thank you.
JOEL
(taking over)
Okay. You are here to review a few
campaign ads, and tell us your
thoughts on them. Let’s begin.
Joel presses play.
TV SCREEN -
A black and white picture of BOBBY fades onto the screen
and jail bars are superimposed on top of that picture.
VOICE OVER
(who is Joel)
Do you trust Bobby Monaghan? The
question should be, how can you
trust Bobby Monaghan?
The screen fades to black and a large question mark
appears.
VOICE OVER (CONT’D)
In 2002, during a field trip to the
Centerville Police Station, Bobby
Monaghan was put into a cell, just
because a police officer said he
looked funny.
The question mark fades to a picture of the police
station and then snapshots of Bobby being put into the
cell and the words ‘looked funny’ appear on the screen.
VOICE OVER (CONT’D)
So let me ask you, how can you send
a man who ‘looks funny’ to
represent your school during this
time of uncertainly.
The pictures of Bobby in the cell and the words ‘look
funny’ keep flashing on the screen. All of a sudden the
picture becomes in color and a smiling face of Stacy
appears standing in front of a tree with her hair
blowing in the wind.
STACY
(on screen)
I'm Stacy Cifaretto. I was voted
Miss Photogenic, two years in a
row at my old school. And I am able
to put the best face forward so I
can fight for our student body.
Stacy walks off into the park.
VOICE OVER
Vote Stacy Cifaretto for class
president. Strong...and photogenic.
And the screen fades to black.
CLASSROOM -
Joel stops the tape.
CASEY
Okay.
(to Joel)
That turned out good.
(to the Students)
What are your general impressions,
of this ad?
The students sit there, dumbstruck.
CASEY (CONT'D)
Anything?
STUDENT # 1
So, she’s the one running.
Casey and Joel nod and make notes on their clipboards.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - COMPUTER ROOM – DAY
Reicther and Brock are working on the school computers.
They have their heads together blocking the screen from
view.
REICTHER
No, no, no. Make his eyes more
square.
BROCK
What, like that?
REICTHER
Yeah. Can you stretch the body a
little bit more. And make his feet
smaller.
Brock does this.
BROCK
Good?
REICTHER
Oh yeah.
Brock and Reicther move their heads apart to reveal a
picture of a devastating deformed Bobby.
BROCK
And print.
They smile at each other as the printer makes lots of
copies.
CUT TO:
INT. CLASSROOM – LATER
Casey and Joel are still with the focus group.
STUDENT # 1
So, I still don't understand, if the ad
is for Stacy, why would they focus
on Bobby?
JOEL
We are not focusing on him, we are
highlighting his faults.
CASEY
To show how much better Stacy is.
STUDENT # 2
So what does Stacy stand for?
STUDENT # 1
Yeah, what is she going to do for
me?
JOEL
Don't you know?
STUDENT # 1
No. All I know is that Bobby looks
funny and Stacy is pretty. What
good is that going to do?
Casey and Joel think.
CASEY
(to Joel)
I think we need to go in a
different direction with the ads.
Joel nods.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - AUDIO/VISUAL DEPARTMENT - NEXT DAY
Will, Stacy, Chris and Reicther are watching a TV
playing Stacy’s new ad.
TV SCREEN -
Stacy is sitting at a desk in a classroom.
STACY
Hi, I’m Stacy Cifaretto. You’ve
heard a lot about my competitor,
but I think it’s time you found out
about me. If elected I want to
improve the school atmosphere, I
want to expand the school newspaper,
make more ideas and voices heard. I
will build a student lounge, where
before and after school and during
breaks from class and during
lunchtime members can relax and
have fresh food and drinks.
(pause)
And since we are in a school, I
thought we would form a in school
college scholarship program. Every
year one student will be chosen and
sent to college care of their
fellow student.
(pause)
These are the kind of things I want
for my school, what do you want for
it? I’m Stacy Cifaretto, I’m
running for you.
The screen fades to the words "VOTE FOR STACY."
BACK TO ROOM
REICTHER
That was really good.
CHRIS
Amazing.
LOUIS KENT walks out of the interview room, he looks
shaken.
STACY
How did it go, Louis?
He shakes his head and walks out.
STACY
(to Will)
What does he mean?
WILL
I don't know.
The interviewer, MINDY, a bubbly girl in a blue outfit
approaches.
MINDY
Stacy are you ready? I'm Mindy.
STACY
(shaking her hand)
Nice to meet you.
MINDY
Let’s get started. But, I’m afraid
that your friends will have to
leave.
WILL
Still scared?
Stacy shakes her head and the group leaves. Stacy and
Mindy sit down in front of a camera.
MINDY
(into camera)
Hello, fellow students, I’m Mindy
Everett, and this is Interviews
with Everyone. Stacy Cifaretto is
here today, she is running for
class president. Hello Stacy.
STACY
Hi Mindy.
Mindy’s demeanor changes and she looks harshly at Stacy.
MINDY
Stacy. You have no experience is
school government, what makes you
qualified to run?
STACY
(thrown back)
What? Uh, well I am fairly new,
but I have made friends and have
learned about the school, and most
importantly, I am a student, so the
things I will fight for I want too.
MINDY
So you’re saying that you are doing
this so you can fight for what you
want for yourself?
STACY
No, you misunderstand –
MINDY
I have interviewed a lot of people,
I can get to the bottom of what
people are saying pretty quickly by
now. But a new topic. What are
those things that you want?
STACY
Wait. I have to clarify my point.
I didn’t say that –
MINDY
Stacy, are you going to answer my
question or not?
STACY
How can I when you won’t let me
finish?
MINDY
Stacy, lets get real? Your
competition has had a lot more
experience than you, are you ready
to compete?
STACY
Yes, I have seen what Bobby has
done, and I can do better...and I
have enough experience to.
MINDY
Okay, I think we have enough.
Stacy and Mindy stand up.
STACY
What was that for?
MINDY
(bubbly again)
What do you mean?
Stacy rolls her eyes and walks out.
MINDY
What, wasn’t I fair?
INT. VANDELE HOME – BRIAN'S ROOM – LATER THAT NIGHT
Brian is sitting on his couch, thinking. Sitting on his
lap is a pad of paper and pencil.
CLOSE UP ON PAPER:
On the top line it reads, "Stacy's Speech." We notice
that besides that, the paper is blank.
Brian looks around, trying to get inspired.
CUT TO:
INT. LARGE CONFERENCE ROOM - NEXT DAY
The campaign staff is pacing around.
JOEL
What time is it?
BRIAN
9:28.
JOEL
Where is she?
WILL
Don’t worry she won’t back out on
us.
REICTHER
How do you know?
WILL
Has Stacy ever backed out on a
promise before?
Principal Stevens comes up to the staff.
STEVENS
Where's Stacy?
WILL
I don’t know, sir. Can you just
wait a few more minutes?
STEVENS
Listen, if you candidate isn’t
going to show up you are going to
have to tell me now. She has to
speak, or else she forfeits.
They don’t know what to say.
REICTHER
I'll do it!
STEVENS
What?
BROCK
What?
REICTHER
I'm going to do it. I'll speak.
BROCK
You aren’t the one running!
REICTHER
Mr. Stevens, I’ll do it. Can I
speak.
WILL
Reicther!
STEVENS
I don’t see any other solution, if
Stacy isn't here...
STACY (O.S.)
I’m here!
Stacy comes from the back door and runs up to the group.
STEVENS
Miss Cifaretto nice to see you.
STACY
I’m here, I’m ready.
(to the Staff)
I’m sorry you guys. I didn’t mean
to bail, I just needed time to
think.
STEVENS
Well, I’m sorry Mr. Reicther, it
looks like you are going to have to
wait for next year.
Stevens walks off and turns on his microphone.
STACY
Will have to wait for what next
year?
JOEL
Fuck what Stevens said, just get
out there.
Stacy walks over to where Louis and Bobby are waiting.
LOUIS
Cutting it a little close aren’t
you.
STACY
I still made it didn’t I.
The CAMERA MAN focuses on the three canidates.
STEVENS (O.C.)
Now please help me welcome the
candidates for class president!
Louis, Bobby and Stacy walk out. They each take a spot
at a podium.
FADE TO:
Louis just finished his speech and takes down his charts
and various props.
STEVENS
Thank you, Mr. Kent. Next is Robert
Monaghan, sophomore class president
and school quarterback number 56.
He pauses.
BOBBY
I just have a few things to say.
We may be both newcomers to this
school, but in my past year I have
accomplished a lot, she hasn’t. I
have connected with each of you,
and you hopefully have connected
with me. As you remember all the
new and exiting things I have done,
just think of all the things I
have yet to do. Anything is
possible, and anything can happen
if you elect me as your class
president. Thank you.
Pause.
STEVENS
And our final candidate, Miss Stacy
Cifaretto.
The spotlight shines bright on Stacy.
STACY
Thank you. This lesson in democracy
has taught me more about the people
in the process, rather than the
process itself. It is not the
policies, but who starts them and
how they do it is what seems to be
important. You are not voting for
what we stand for but how we
present ourselves. More
specifically, how a opponent
presents the other.
(pause)
If this has taught me anything at
all, it's that I don't know what
the next President's gonna face.
And if we choose someone with
vision, someone with guts, someone
with gravitas, who's connected to
other people's lives, and cares
about making them better...if we
choose someone to inspire us, then
we'll be able to face what comes
our way and achieve things...we
can't imagine yet. Instead of
telling people who's the most
qualified, instead of telling
people who's got the better ideas,
let's make it obvious.
Everyone is taken back.
STEVENS
Well...those are some pretty strong
words, Ms. Cifaretto.
She nods, pride fully.
STEVENS
Too bad you stole most of that
speech from "The West Wing."
Stacy's face now turns to embarrassment.
STACY
...I did?
She now looks angry.
STACY
(fake smile;
under breath)
I'm going to rip Brian's balls off
and feed them to some goats.
Stacy continues to stand, trying not to lose her cool.
INT. LUNCHROOM – DAY
Will, Joel, Brian, Brock, Casey, Reicther, Chris and
Stacy are sitting around a table. Stacy lays her head
down.
WILL
You had to steal a speech.
BRIAN
Jeez. I'm sorry. I was having
really bad writer's block. Besides,
who watches "The West Wing" anyway?
Honestly!
Just then, Bobby and a group of people walk by. Bobby
has a smile on his face. He notices Stacy and waves.
Stacy just gives him a look. Bobby turns to his people
and begin to walk and talk.
As his back is turned, EVERYONE at the table flip him off.
STACY
Fuck em. I hope he gets an STD.
FADE OUT.
(Over the end credits, "Lovely Rita" by The Beatles plays
over them.)
END OF EPISODE
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