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INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Our hero JIM KRAMER frantically paces around his room. He is
17 years old, average height and build with brown hair. It's
about 10:30 at night. His room is somewhat of a mess, but
there is an order to this chaos. As we pan across the room we
see piles of magazines, a guitar and amplifier, several racks
of DVD's, and a television. Jim wears an expression of
disbelief. He calms down and then climbs into his bed.
CUT TO:
CLOSEUP - JIM'S FACE
JIM
(starts to cry)
There's no way. She wouldn't do
that. She wouldn't...
TITLE CARD: "THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JIM KRAMER"
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: "AND SO IT BEGINS"
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - MORNING
We fade in on the cafeteria of the prestigious Filmore
Preparatory School, one of the finest all male Jesuit high
schools on the east coast. The cafeteria if filled with
students occupying both circular and long lunch tables. Those
not lucky enough to find a seat stand by the tables that
include their lucky friends. The Filmore uniform consists of:
dress shirt, tie, khakis and suit jacket.
We pan across the various groups of friends and cliques
throughout the cafeteria. We stop on the section at the far
end of the room by the vending machines. This section is
composed of only circular lunch tables, and is inhabited by
the seniors. Our main character Jim sits with his friends
LAWRENCE, HARVARD, and BLIMP. Lawrence is the self-proclaimed
"leader" of the group, and has a very foul mouth. Harvard is
the brains of the outfit, and has a habit of using British
slang. Blimp is extremely tall and lanky, and is constantly
eating.
LAWRENCE
(whipping his forehead)
The first fucking day and I'm
already sweating my ass off.
Now that's a fucking omen if I've
ever seen one.
HARVARD
I think it's do to the over
abundance of people in here chap.
LAWRENCE
No fucking shit.
BLIMP
(to Lawrence)
So much anger. So much fire inside.
LAWRENCE
It feels like the Devil himself is
farting on my face.
HARVARD
So very eloquent
LAWRENCE
So's your mother.
HARVARD
Oh boy, I've waited all summer for
you to make fun of mother.
LAWRENCE
Mother? You're just gonna make it
that easy for me this year, aren't
you?
HARVARD
Slag-off.
Jim sits up in his chair.
JIM
I don't know why you're
complaining. I'm actually quite
comfortable.
LAWRENCE
Jim.
JIM
Yes?
LAWRENCE
(sarcastic)
I hate you so much.
JIM
(caressing Lawrence's arm)
I love you too sweetie.
BLIMP
Can any of you believe we're
actually here? I mean senior year,
it's just so-
JIM
(bitterly)
-cliche?
BLIMP
I was aiming for something along
the lines of unbelievable, but
thanks for shooting that out of the
sky.
JIM
Blimp, my apologies. Rough summer.
LAWRENCE
What the fuck is your problem?
JIM
Where should I begin?
LAWRENCE
Ah, I know exactly what it is.
Still no developments on the lady
front?
JIM
And bingo was his name-oh.
LAWRENCE
Well let me ask you this. Did you
even make an attempt this summer?
The slightest little bit of effort
to get freaky with a member of the
opposite sex?
JIM
Not really. No.
LAWRENCE
Ladies and gentlemen I think I may
have cracked the case of Jim's
virginity wide open.
JIM
Well, I kind of made an attempt, in
a matter of speaking.
My cousin dragged me to this stupid
party. I saw this cute girl from
across the room. We made eye
contact. She smiled. I smiled. Then
the next time I saw her she was
throwing up in a plant.
LAWRENCE
(in disgust)
Jesus H. Christ dying on the cross!
A PRIEST walks by.
Lawrence's tone changes from demeaning and filthy to 1950's
"Leave it to Beaver" polite and proper.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
Why hello there father!
PRIEST
Good morning gentleman. It's nice
to see you all made it back.
Lawrence, how are your folks?
LAWRENCE
Oh they're just swell.
PRIEST
Great. Tell them I said hi.
LAWRENCE
I sure will.
The Priest leaves.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
(back to filthy)
So back to you getting no pussy
this summer.
JIM
Swell?
INT. FILMORE PREP HALLWAYS - AFTER SCHOOL - DAY
Jim and Lawrence walk trough the hallway to their row of
lockers.
JIM
And so it begins, another year at
Filmore.
LAWRENCE
I can't wait to leave this shit box
behind.
JIM
I hear that. College can not come
soon enough.
LAWRENCE
Do yo have any idea where you want
to go yet?
JIM
I haven't the slightest clue.
LAWRENCE
Well let's not talk about that
right now. It's too depressing.
What we should talk about is your
ineffectiveness up to this point,
with the females.
JIM
Must we?
LAWRENCE
You bet your ass we must.
Jim and Lawrence arrive at their lockers.
JIM
I don't know what it is. Girls are
very intimidating. When I'm around
them I just clam up. I'm not my
usual witty, charming self.
LAWRENCE
(sarcastic)
Yeah they're really missing out on
that charm.
JIM
The few times I even come in
contact with a girl I never know
what to say. I become this nervous
wreck, bumbling around and trying
to be funny, which I never am. But
when I replay the conversation over
in my head at home, I know exactly
what to say. At home I'm like
fucking Sinatra, cool as ice.
LAWRENCE
Then girls are your weakness.
JIM
They're my kryptonite.
LAWRENCE
So that would make you Superman?
JIM
Call me Kal-El Kramer.
LAWRENCE
Okay let's just forget about that
comparison for now and let's worry
about tonight, because tonight I am
going to fix all of your problems.
JIM
Oh God. Please don't.
LAWRENCE
You know Morris right?
JIM
Who that jock piece of shit from
Riverdale?
LAWRENCE
The very same.
JIM
I know him.
LAWRENCE
Tonight he is throwing a big get
together at his house.
JIM
A party already? Today's the first
day of school.
LAWRENCE
And your point?
JIM
Boy you alcoholics don't waste any
time, do you?
LAWRENCE
Nope. We are very efficient when it
comes to getting drunk. We take
every chance we can get. But that
is besides the point. I happen to
know that there will be some fine
trim-
JIM
(interrupting)
-Trim?
LAWRENCE
Yeah. A lot of it.
Jim rolls his eyes.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
It'll be a fun little evening. I'll
introduce you to some nice girls-
JIM
But-
LAWRENCE
And you'll have me as your wing
man.
JIM
(defiantly)
No.
LAWRENCE
Great. I'll be around at about nine
ish.
JIM
You do realize I said no, right?
LAWRENCE
Oh you don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.
Lawrence leaves and proceeds down the stairwell next to the
lockers.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
Nine o'clock.
(Pause)
Bitch.
JIM
Okay fine. Since I've officially
reached rock bottom I'll come
along. But I'm not staying very
long. And there better not be any
of those big red plastic cups
there. I swear the second I see one
of those cups, I'm gonna fucking
lose it.
JUMP CUT TO:
CLOSEUP - BIG RED PLASTIC CUP
INT. MORRIS' HOUSE - NIGHT
The camera dollies up from the cup sitting on a table to
reveal the party taking place in Morris' house. The house is
full of kids. We see them drinking, dancing, passed out,
talking, making out, etc.
TITLE CARD: "SHE'S SO HEAVY"
Jim and Lawrence enter the party.
JIM
I can't believe it's come to this.
LAWRENCE
The 'tang is in full effect
tonight.
JIM
Right, 'tang.
LAWRENCE
Don't be like that.
JIM
Like what?
LAWRENCE
Like, "Oh I'm Jim. I'm to cool for
parties. I'm a little girl."
Jim stares at Lawrence and shakes his head.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
I promise you that tonight is the
first night of the rest of your
life.
Harvard shouts from the kitchen.
HARVARD
Hello there mates!
JIM
Oh thank God, someone sane.
INT. MORRIS' KITCHEN - NIGHT
Jim and Lawrence enter the kitchen. There are a number of
people scattered throughout the room, mainly around the keg.
LAWRENCE
Harvard my man. What's the good
word?
HARVARD
Same old, same old. Quite a little
party we got here, eh?
LAWRENCE
It's happening alright.
JIM
I kinda feel bad for the parents
though. Where do you think Mr. &
Mrs. Morris are tonight? Maybe away
for the weekend celebrating a
wedding anniversary or a birthday,
having a great time. Maybe even
having a little sex. Yet not
knowing that their son is home
mocking their faith in him by
throwing a party. Those poor
bastards.
Harvard and Lawrence stare at Jim in awe.
LAWRENCE
Man you better find yourself a
crazy piece of ass tonight,
completely out of her mind. That
will straighten you out you cynical
bastard.
JIM
(sarcastic)
I should only be so lucky.
LAWRENCE
(to Harvard)
And where be the Blimp?
HARVARD
I'm not quite sure. He was just
here a minute ago. The bloke's
already drunk.
JIM
Really?
HARVARD
Yeah. He should really learn to
control himself. That stuff's no
good for ya.
Harvard fills up two cups from the keg.
HARVARD (CONT'D)
Fancy a beer?
He hands the cups to Jim and Lawrence
HARVARD (CONT'D)
Cheers.
Lawrence begins drinking. Jim moves to the sink and pours out
his glass. He goes to the refrigerator and takes out a bottle
of soda. He pours himself a glass and raises it.
JIM
(shouting sarcastically)
Let's get this fucking party
started!
The crowd in the kitchen turns to him.
JIM (CONT'D)
Woooooo!
Everyone cheers wildly.
LAWRENCE
What a funny fuck.
JIM
Hey, I have to try and create some
good out of what promises to be a
terrible night.
HARVARD
Come on, there are some lovely
birds here tonight.
LAWRENCE
And there goes one now.
TIFFANY walks through the living room while being followed by
a camera crew. She comes off as prissy and stuck up. Someone
who's too cool for the party.
JIM
Who the hell is that and why is she
being filmed?
LAWRENCE
You haven't heard?
JIM
No, I haven't. And something tells
me that from your impending
explanation I really don't want to
hear. But just because I'm such a
good sport I'll bite. Who is she?
LAWRENCE
That's Tiffany.
JIM
Tiffany?
LAWRENCE
Tiffany. You know Higgins right?
JIM
Yeah, he's a good kid.
LAWRENCE
Great kid. Well that's his
girlfriend.
JIM
Stop. Her?
LAWRENCE
Yep.
JIM
Poor Higgins.
LAWRENCE
No, try lucky son-of-a-bitch
Higgins.
JIM
Are you serious? You would date
that?
LAWRENCE
Oh I would do more that date that.
JIM
I'm not all that surprised. But why
the hell is she being filmed?
LAWRENCE
(trying to sound
intelligent)
Well apparently she's a big fixture
on the Manhattan party scene, a
socialite if you will. And her
father is the editor-in-chief of
the New Yorker.
JIM
So that warrants her having her own
(Makes air quotes)
"reality" show?
LAWRENCE
It appears that it does.
JIM
Her father is the head of probably
one of the most intellectual
publications, and she seems like a
vapid bitch who has been screwed
more times than she's washed her
hands.
LAWRENCE
With a TV show.
HARVARD
And bloody gorgeous.
JIM
I don't think my stomach can take
any more. I'm gonna go take the
tour.
LAWRENCE
I'll come with. Harvy you wait here
and keep staring at Tiffany.
(Makes heavenly choir
sound)
HARVARD
(salivating)
Will do mate.
LAWRENCE
(to Jim)
Onward and upward.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
Jim and Lawrence walk down the hallway and poke their heads
into the first bedroom on the right. The room is decorated in
a very girly motif with pink walls.
JIM
This must be Morris' sister's room.
LAWRENCE
What gave it away? Maybe the pink
walls? Or maybe it's the-
A noise is heard from the closet on the far side of the room.
A very drunk Blimp emerges from the closet.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
-And there be the Blimp.
BLIMP
(drunk)
Hey best buddies in the whole
world.
JIM
Dude what the hell are you doing-
BLIMP
(interrupting)
-Senior year! Wooooo!
JIM
(finishing his statement)
-in that poor girl's closet?
BLIMP
I thought there were girls in
there.
JIM
And there weren't?
BLIMP
I like pink.
LAWRENCE
Man I wish I could get this on
tape.
Blimp moves toward Lawrence and trips and falls over his own
feet.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
Alright come here big guy. No more
booze for you.
Lawrence helps up Blimp.
BLIMP
(saddened)
No more boobs? But I love boobs.
LAWRENCE
(to Jim)
I'm gonna take him downstairs. You
go on and finish the tour without
me.
JIM
Alright. You go take care of him
now.
LAWRENCE
I'll try.
JIM
I was talking to Blimp.
LAWRENCE
Hardy-fucking-har.
BLIMP
I need to take care of boobs.
Blimp and Lawrence leave the room and head downstairs. Jim
continues down the hallway. He goes down to the room at the
end of the hall. This room belongs to Morris. Jim stands in
the doorway.
INT. MORRIS' BEDROOM - NIGHT
JIM'S POV
Morris' bedroom is neat and well kept. As we pan across from
the left side to the right we see various sports trophies and
awards, posters of famous sports figures on the wall, a bed,
a dresser, and a computer resting on a desk equipped with a
chair. On the right side of the room we see Morris' dresser.
There is a girl standing in front of it. We are unable to see
her face. This is ABBEY. She takes off the bracelet from her
wrist and then places it on the dresser. Then she momentarily
looks up at herself in the mirror. Jim is still in the
doorway. He inches forward causing the floorboards to creek.
Abbey instantly whips her head to see who is there. In doing
so she makes eye contact with Jim. This is our first glimpse
of Abbey head on. She is 17 years old, normal height with
long brown hair and strikingly beautiful blue eyes. She
appears both gorgeous and innocent at the same time. Jim
remains in the doorway.
JIM
(nervous)
Sorry.
Jim quickly walks away.
Abbey calls from the room.
ABBEY
No wait come back.
Jim hesitates, then goes back and stands in the doorway.
JIM
Sorry. I didn't realize anyone was
in here.
ABBEY
Stop apologizing. It's no big deal.
JIM
Are you sure?
ABBEY
Am I sure? Yes I'm sure. You just
scared me a bit, that's all. I mean
its not like I was getting dressed
and you saw me naked or anything
like that.
JIM
Yeah. That would have been bad.
ABBEY
(playfully)
Bad? Why?
(Beat)
Are you gay?
JIM
(nervous)
Gay? Me? No. No definitely not gay.
Very straight. As straight as a
hundred-eighty degrees.
ABBEY
So then seeing me with no clothes
on wouldn't be that bad for you,
would it?
JIM
Um...
ABBEY
Relax. I'm just messing with you. I
get a little jokey when I'm around
cute guys.
JIM
What?
ABBEY
I'm Abbey.
JIM
Jim.
ABBEY
Very nice to meet you nervous Jim.
JIM
(checking his forehead for
sweat)
Nervous? I'm not nervous.
ABBEY
Oh come one, you make Woody Allen
look like James Bond. I mean I can
see you sweating from here.
JIM
(nervously)
Really? I mean it is a little hot
in this hallway, but I'm not-
ABBEY
-I'm kidding. Remember?
JIM
Jokey, right. How could I have
forgot?
ABBEY
Stick around, you'll catch on.
JIM
I bet I'll have no choice.
ABBEY
So how about coming in here and
keeping me company.
JIM
(hesitates)
But what if there's an earthquake.
ABBEY
Huh?
JIM
Joke.
ABBEY
Oh. So you get like that too?
JIM
Are you trying to say that I think
you're cute?
ABBEY
Do you?
JIM
That's for me to know and you to
find out.
ABBEY
Pretty slick Woody.
JIM
Not bad, right?
Jim walks in and sits in the chair at the computer desk.
Abbey sits on the bed.
ABBEY
So I guess you're not much for
parties.
JIM
What makes you say that?
ABBEY
You're up here with me and not
downstairs with everyone else,
partying.
JIM
Yeah I'm not really one for
gatherings like this.
ABBEY
So then why did you come?
JIM
Let's just say I'm here against my
own free will.
ABBEY
Aww, poor baby.
JIM
I really can't stand these things.
ABBEY
Why?
JIM
I don't know. I guess it's just not
my scene. All the loud obnoxious
music and drunk idiots running
around, trying to get laid. It's
not my thing. I prefer more
traditional means of entertainment.
Pin the tail on the donkey, some
charades, maybe even a pinata.
ABBEY
The time honored classics.
JIM
But then again I haven't been to a
party since I was about six, so
that may be the reason. My friend
dragged me here to meet girls. But
I honestly don't like any of the
girls here.
ABBEY
Really? So you are gay?
JIM
No. No I'm not. I'm into girls,
just not those kinds of girls.
ABBEY
What kind?
JIM
Materialistic, prissy, self
obsessed girls. Like that Tiffany.
ABBEY
(sarcastic)
She's a keeper.
JIM
It's so frustrating to see everyone
fawning over that waste of space.
ABBEY
Preach.
JIM
But I guess coming to something
like this has it's advantages. Free
chips and soda for one.
ABBEY
And me.
JIM
You?
ABBEY
Yeah me.
JIM
Well...
Abbey makes a cute frowning puppy dog face.
JIM (CONT'D)
I mean I've only known you for
about two minutes. There could be a
dark side to you that I haven't
seen yet.
ABBEY
(smiling)
Shut up.
Abbey smiles. There is a brief awkward silence.
JIM
So why are you up here?
ABBEY
That's for me to know and you to
find out.
JIM
Well played.
ABBEY
Why thank you. But that mention of
chips is making me hungry.
JIM
Yeah me too.
ABBEY
So this is how we're gonna do this.
You go downstairs and get some
chips and soda, while I stay here
and look oh so adorable in the
process.
Abbey smiles. She is adorable, as promised.
CUT TO:
INT. MORRIS' KITCHEN - NIGHT
Jim rushes into the kitchen area. Lawrence and Harvard are
standing by the sink.
JIM
(frantic)
I need chips, stat!
LAWRENCE
What?
Jim opens the refrigerator and grabs the bottle of soda.
JIM
(searching for cups)
How's it coming with the chips?
LAWRENCE
Why?
JIM
I just need the chips dammit,
please don't ask why.
LAWRENCE
Why?
JIM
Because.
LAWRENCE
Because why.
JIM
Do you speak English?
LAWRENCE
What?
JIM
English motherfucker, do you speak
it?
LAWRENCE
Yeah I speak it Jules. Come on
Harvy lets go find this prick some
chips.
TITLE CARD: "WHAT ABOUT MONKEYS?"
INT. MORRIS' BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jim walks in with a bowl of chips, a bottle of soda, and two
cups. Abbey isn't there.
JIM
Don't tell me she was a fucking
mirage.
Abbey sneaks in from the hallway. She creeps up behind Jim.
ABBEY
(shouts)
I'm right here Jim.
Jim jumps causing the chips to fall on the floor.
JIM
Jesus Christ!
Abbey starts laughing hysterically.
ABBEY
(while laughing)
Well now I know you're not an
Atheist.
Jim turns and faces Abbey.
JIM
You think that was funny?
ABBEY
(still giggling)
Extremely.
JIM
Well I don't.
ABBEY
But I do, and that's all that
matters.
JIM
See I knew you had some kind of
dark side.
ABBEY
Maybe.
JIM
Can I ask why you felt the need to
scare the living shit out of me?
ABBEY
I'm not really sure.
JIM
Not really sure?
ABBEY
I guess you can say I was in the
mood for a good laugh.
JIM
A good laugh?
ABBEY
Yeah. I can never resist an
opportunity to laugh. It's a very
important human response. It's what
separates us from the animals.
JIM
What about monkeys? I've seen
monkeys laugh.
ABBEY
Yeah but its not the same.
JIM
How is it not the same?
ABBEY
It's just not.
Abbey smiles and eyes Jim down. Her look reads, "Don't try
and continue. There's no hope."
JIM
Alright whatever. I don't want to
get into a heated debate about
laughing monkeys. Help me clean up
this mess that you're responsible
for.
ABBEY
Me? You were the one who dropped
the chips.
JIM
Yes, but I was provoked.
ABBEY
Forget about it. Just leave them
there.
JIM
Surely you're kidding me right?
ABBEY
I'm not kidding. And my name's not
Shirley, it's Abbey.
JIM
(sarcastic)
Ha ha.
ABBEY
Listen, don't worry, I know Morris.
He won't mind.
JIM
Really?
ABBEY
Yeah. Trust me, when he comes in
here the chips will be the least of
his worries.
JIM
How do you know that?
ABBEY
I just do. Call me Carnac. Now come
on and let's go get some real food.
There's a diner right around here,
that's if you don't mind leaving.
JIM
I definitely don't mind. But I came
with someone else so-
ABBEY
Don't worry Woody, I'll drive.
CUT TO:
CLOSEUP - PEBBLE BROOK DINER SIGN
INT. PEBBLE BROOK DINER - NIGHT
The diner has somewhat of a retro feel to it. There aren't
many people there on account of it being so late at night.
Jim and Abbey sit in a booth by the window. They are already
eating.
JIM
(looking around)
So this seems like a nice place.
ABBEY
Yeah, the old reliable P.B.D.
Jim spots the banner above the counter.
JIM
(reading the banner)
"Voted Best Diner 2002, 2004". What
happened during '03?
ABBEY
Money laundering, racketeering, you
know the usual.
JIM
Wow. So we may actually be eating
in some sort of front operation?
ABBEY
Maybe.
JIM
That makes this place all the more
intriguing. I mean God knows what's
going on in that kitchen.
ABBEY
Definitely some funny business.
JIM
If you find a finger in your
coleslaw, I think we might need to
notify the proper authorities.
Abbey laughs.
ABBEY
So what's your story?
JIM
My story?
ABBEY
Yeah. Spill.
JIM
I don't really think I have a
story.
ABBEY
Of course you do, everyone does.
JIM
Then what's yours.
ABBEY
Oh no mister, you're not getting
off easy. I asked you first, so you
better get with it and make with
some details.
JIM
Details of what? I'm not all that
interesting.
ABBEY
I'll be the judge of that.
JIM
Fine, but I'm not responsible for
your boredom and excessive yawning.
ABBEY
A risk I'm willing to take. Now
stop stalling and go on.
JIM
Okay, where do I begin?
(Trying to be funny)
Well my name's Jim, naturally.
Let's see, I enjoy herbal tea,
sunrises, quilts-
ABBEY
(peeved)
That's not funny.
JIM
It's not?
ABBEY
Okay maybe just a little. But I
want you to take this seriously.
JIM
Alright then one thing I can tell
you about me is that I'm not that
serious.
ABBEY
Now we're getting somewhere, kinda.
JIM
I tend to put a good face on
things. Keep them fresh and hip.
ABBEY
Hip?
JIM
Not like GQ hip. More like Jim hip.
ABBEY
And what exactly is Jim hip?
JIM
It can't really be described in
words. It can only be experienced.
Like a Tarantino movie.
ABBEY
Oh so you're a Tarantino fan too?
JIM
Too? So that means you're a fan?
ABBEY
God yes.
JIM
(surprised)
Wow that is so kick ass. I mean I
wouldn't have pegged you as someone
who is.
ABBEY
Why not?
JIM
You just look to innocent a person
to be into the kinds of movies
where dudes get their ears chopped
off by psychopaths dancing to pop
songs.
ABBEY
You'd be surprised about what I'm
in to. Don't let my stunning good
looks give you the wrong
impression.
JIM
Ladies and gentleman, I give you
miss modesty.
Abbey pretends to wave to her adoring public.
ABBEY
Thank you. Thank you. You're far to
kind.
Jim smiles. They share a moment.
The two of them go on to talk for hours.
INT. ABBEY'S CAR (MOVING) - NIGHT
Abbey and Jim are driving home from the diner.
JIM
Thanks for driving me home. You
really don't have to.
ABBEY
What was I gonna do, leave you at
the front operation for god knows
what? Who knows what would have
happened to you. I mean one minute
you're eating grilled cheese the
next you're waking up in a bath tub
full of ice without your kidneys.
Jim stares at her.
JIM
You are out of your mind.
ABBEY
Yeah, that's what my doctors tell
me.
EXT. JIM KRAMER'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Jim and Abbey walk up the steps and stand on the porch in
front of the door.
ABBEY
So are your parents gonna mind you
coming home this late?
JIM
Please, I make my own rules. I tell
them when to go to bed.
ABBEY
Sure you do.
JIM
You don't believe me?
ABBEY
Nope. I can see right through you.
Right now your thinking to
yourself, "Man I hope they're
both sleeping. I don't want them to
yell at me. I can't take another
time out."
JIM
(sincerely)
You're unbelievable.
Abbey abruptly leans in and kisses Jim.
ABBEY
(smiling)
Thank you. Thank you. You are far
too kind.
CUT TO:
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - DAY
Jim, Lawrence, and Blimp are sitting at the round tables in
front of the soda machine. Lawrence is resting his feet on an
empty chair. Blimp is eating a cheeseburger.
LAWRENCE
(to Jim)
No fucking way!
JIM
All true.
LAWRENCE
Shut the fuck up!
JIM
Every word. I still can't believe
it.
Lawrence lifts his feet from the chair and sits upright with
his hands folded on the table.
LAWRENCE
I don't believe you.
JIM
Why not?
LAWRENCE
Because you're just too damn
desperate. And when someone's in
your position, i.e. a wussy virgin,
they begin to make shit up in order
to feel accepted among his or her
peers, who actually get laid. You
think to yourself, "Hey my friends
aren't around so they won't no the
truth. I'll make up an imaginary
girl and pass her off as someone
who actually exists." Liar, liar.
BLIMP
(while chewing)
Pants on fire.
JIM
(to Blimp)
How are you eating a cheeseburger
at nine thirty in the morning?
BLIMP
(swallows the food)
Hey back off mister fake imaginary
girl. I don't give a shit what time
it is, I'm hungry.
JIM
No I mean seriously, how are you
eating a cheeseburger at nine
thirty in the morning? Who the hell
is making you cheeseburgers at nine
thirty in the morning?
BLIMP
I know a guy.
(Takes a bite)
His name's Mario. He gives me extra
fries too.
Harvard enters the cafeteria and sits down.
HARVARD
Good morning chaps. I trust you all
slept well.
LAWRENCE
Yeah but I think one of us is still
dreaming.
JIM
Could you cut the shit already?
HARVARD
So what's all the fuss over?
BLIMP
A girl.
HARVARD
A girl? You don't say. Jim, did you
meet someone last night?
JIM
As a matter of fact I did. The
problem is that these two don't
believe me.
HARVARD
Alright, here's what we're going to
do. I'm going to ask you some
questions, and based on your
answers I'll determine whether the
lass really exists.
JIM
Thank you. The only reasonable man
among us.
LAWRENCE
Shut up and answer this limy
bastard's questions.
HARVARD
Okay let's start off simple. What
does she look like?
JIM
She's gorgeous. Average height,
long brown hair, with these like
stunning blue eyes. I don't know
what it is, but she has like this
angelic quality about her.
LAWRENCE
Give me a break.
HARVARD
Hush up. Let the man finish.
JIM
She's just gorgeous. I can't get
her out of my head.
HARVARD
Alright, enough about the exterior.
Let's hear about the interior.
JIM
Personality? Well, she's got an
amazing sense of humor. She's
genuinely funny and sarcastic, but
she had charm, too. It was so
disarming. She was so easy to talk
to. I didn't clam up and bumble
like I usually do. I mean I was
still nervous, but not to the point
where I was sweating through my
shirt.
LAWRENCE
Yeah I'm sure you didn't.
JIM
What's your problem?
LAWRENCE
I don't have a problem.
JIM
Yes you do, and I know what it is.
You're jealous. It kills you that
I'm happy about finally meeting
someone. You're green with envy my
friend. And you want to know what I
have to say about that?
Jim sits upright and takes a serious tone.
JIM (CONT'D)
Fuck off.
LAWRENCE
Fuck off?
JIM
(serious)
You heard me. If you can't deal
with me being happy for once, then
fuck off. I don't need any more
negative shit in my life.
Lawrence begins laughing uncontrollably.
LAWRENCE
(laughing)
Oh man you should see the look on
your face!
JIM
(getting angry)
Stop laughing. I'm not playing
around.
Lawrence begins banging on the table while laughing even
harder.
LAWRENCE
(laughing)
Oh man that is priceless.
(Imitating Jim)
I'm not playing around.
JIM
Stop laughing shit-head!
LAWRENCE
(laughing)
Shit-head?!? This is too much!
BLIMP
(to Lawrence)
Just tell him.
JIM
Tell me what?
Lawrence's laughter begins to die down.
LAWRENCE
(whipping the tears from
his eyes)
Dude I'm just fucking with you. I
know the girl exists. I saw the two
of you leave the party together. I
just thought it would be fun to
mess with you a little bit.
JIM
(pause)
Asshole.
HARVARD
You sure did wind him up good.
LAWRENCE
I know. Did you see how serious he
got? I thought he was gonna go all
Segal on my ass and send me flying
across the room with some sweet
roundhouse kick.
JIM
You're lucky I didn't bust a move.
BLIMP
We're all lucky.
HARVARD
Well congrats Jim.
Lawrence puts his arms around Blimp and Harvard.
LAWRENCE
(faking tears)
They grow up so fast don't they?
JIM
(smiling)
Asshole.
BLIMP
So what's her name?
JIM
Her name's Abbey.
TITLE CARD: "A PROPER DATE."
INT. FILMORE PREP HALLWAYS - AFTER SCHOOL - DAY
Jim and Harvard wait by Lawrence's locker after school.
JIM
You know I forgot how boring school
is.
HARVARD
Really? How is that possible?
JIM
I don't know. The whole process has
finally gotten to me. Waking up
early and having to get dressed in
these prison clothes. I almost took
a swing at my father this morning
when he tried to get me out of bed.
This place finally broke me. And
these days are gonna just keep
dragging on until June. I feel like
I'm never gonna get out of here.
HARVARD
Same here.
JIM
I just want all this shit to be
over so I can officially start my
life. One that doesn't require a
uniform.
HARVARD
Don't worry it'll come soon enough.
JIM
Your mouth to God's ears.
HARVARD
And besides, didn't you apparently
meet the girl of your dreams last
night? That should take up some of
your time. Granted you're going to
see her again. You are going to see
her again, right?
JIM
This weekend.
HARVARD
Ah very nice, a proper date.
JIM
Yeah.
HARVARD
Nervous?
JIM
Well -
LAWRENCE (O.S.)
- hello there ladies
Lawrence arrives at the lockers.
HARVARD
It's the "Law". What's the good
word?
LAWRENCE
This school fucking sucks ass.
JIM
And why is that?
LAWRENCE
Because the teachers here find it
necessary to make my life a living
hell. My English teacher said that
he expects the class to cover at
least five books this year. Five
books? Senior year? Fuck that.
JIM
So what are you gonna do about it?
LAWRENCE
You want to know? I'm not gonna
fucking show up.
JIM
Are you serious?
LAWRENCE
Yep. Or if anything I'll just go
and bitch and complain about it to
you guys everyday.
HARVARD
So most likely the later then?
LAWRENCE
Probably. Yes.
JIM
Talk about taking it to the
streets. Power to the people.
Raging against the machine.
LAWRENCE
Shut up.
JIM
Okay.
LAWRENCE
So any plans this weekend?
JIM
Actually yes. Abbey and I are going
out.
LAWRENCE
Who's Abbey?
JIM
Are you serious?
LAWRENCE
I try not to be.
HARVARD
The girl he met at Morris'.
LAWRENCE
I know. I'm just jerking his chain.
JIM
What a pal.
LAWRENCE
So, the first date huh? Don't fuck
up.
JIM
(sarcastic)
Wow great advice. That thought
never entered my mind.
LAWRENCE
Well this a crucial point in the
relationship.
JIM
Relationship? We've only know each
other for about seven hours.
LAWRENCE
First dates are important. You
gotta play your cards right.
Otherwise you won't -
JIM
-get lucky?
LAWRENCE
Bingo.
JIM
I'm not looking to get lucky. I
want to get to know her a little
better before anything like that
happens.
LAWRENCE
Really?
JIM
Yes really.
LAWRENCE
Do me a favor. Take your hand and
feel around that area where your
balls used to be.
Harvard laughs.
JIM
(to Harvard)
Don't encourage him.
HARVARD
Sorry.
LAWRENCE
Seriously man, sprinkle some water
on that fleshy patch of skin and
grow a fucking pair. You gotta make
a move this weekend. Make something
happen.
JIM
Well she already made a move last
night. She kissed me. Isn't the
first date all about whether or not
that kiss is even going to happen?
People sit there trying to pick up
vibes or signals and get all
stressed out in the process. Our
first kiss is out of the way. The
hard part is over. I'm just gonna
sit back, relax, and enjoy her
company.
LAWRENCE
Enjoy her company? Man I'm even
willing to give you one of my balls
after hearing that.
Harvard laughs.
JIM
(to Harvard)
Can it Monty.
LAWRENCE
Just promise me you won't puss out.
Can you do me that much? Please own
up. Pretty please, with a cherry on
top. Be a man. Make a fucking move.
You must obey the "Law".
JIM
Why must you insist on having a
catchphrase? It's lame.
LAWRENCE
Lame my ass.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jim and Abbey are sitting upright on the bed, with their
hands in their respective laps. There is silence.
JIM
So that restaurant wasn't too bad
right?
ABBEY
No it was good. It was good.
There is a brief silence.
JIM
That waiter really got mad when I
asked for another soda after he'd
just come back with yours.
ABBEY
He did look a little peeved.
There's another brief silence.
JIM
(mustering up the courage)
Listen, I gotta get something out
of the way.
ABBEY
What's that.
Jim kisses Abbey.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
(smiling)
I guess we're even now.
JIM
I'm sorry. That was something I
felt I needed to do.
Abbey kisses Jim.
ABBEY
Don't apologize. It makes you seem
weak.
JIM
That's going on my list of things
to do on second dates.
Abbey rests her head on Jim's shoulder.
JIM (CONT'D)
So what do you want to do now?
ABBEY
How 'bout a movie?
JIM
Alright. You pick. And I warn you,
choose wisely.
Abbey gets up from the bed and makes her way toward one of
the many DVD racks in the room.
ABBEY
Such a tough decision. So many
classics, so little time. Ah ha! I
got one. "The Big Lebowski".
JIM
The Dude abides.
ABBEY
Yes!
FADE TO:
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jim and Abbey are sitting on the floor leaning up against the
bed. Abbey is resting her head on Jim's shoulder. The movie
has just ended.
ABBEY
Masterpiece.
JIM
Without a doubt.
Jim turns the TV off. Abbey gets up and lays down on the bed.
ABBEY
Won't you join me?
JIM
(smiling)
Gladly.
Jim gets up and lays down next to Abbey.
OVERHEAD TWO SHOT - JIM AND ABBEY LAYING DOWN
Abbey's hands are resting underneath her head.
Jim's hands are at his side.
Their bodies form the number eleven on the bed.
They're both laying on their backs, staring at the ceiling.
ABBEY
(referencing the ceiling)
I love the color.
CUT TO:
REVERSE ANGLE - THE WHITE CEILING
ABBEY (O.S.) (CONT'D)
White is a very bold choice.
JIM (O.S.)
Yeah I was going for this whole
doctor's office type of vibe.
Abbey laughs.
BACK TO:
OVERHEAD TWO SHOT - JIM AND ABBEY LAYING DOWN.
Abbey turns on her side and faces Jim.
ABBEY
What are you thinking about?
JIM
I'm actually thinking about
painting my ceiling a different
color.
ABBEY
You're a regular Seinfeld.
Seriously though. What's on your
mind?
Jim turns on his side. They are now face to face.
JIM
I don't know what I'm thinking.
ABBEY
You don't know?
JIM
Well I do, but its kind of hard to
put into words.
ABBEY
Then is there any other way of
expressing these thoughts of yours?
JIM
I could do this.
Jim leans in and kisses Abbey.
ABBEY
(laughing)
Oh my God that was so corny.
JIM
I was trying to be all suave.
Didn't work, did it?
ABBEY
Suave? You're the farthest thing
from it.
JIM
Gee, thanks a lot.
ABBEY
But that's a good thing.
JIM
How?
ABBEY
Because I know that's not the real
you. I could tell that from the
moment I met you. I smelt it on
you. You're this adorable little
nervous boy. And I like it. So you
can leave that suave stuff at the
door 'cause I ain't buying what
you're tryin' to sell.
JIM
That was very blunt.
ABBEY
(smiling)
Aww stop it, you're making me
blush.
JIM
(pauses)
You really want to know what I'm
thinking right now?
Abbey nods yes.
JIM (CONT'D)
I'm thinking, how is it possible
for a girl like you to be into a
guy like me?
ABBEY
Oh stop. I'm nothing special. If
anything I should be asking that
same question about you. You're the
special one.
JIM
No, I'm just your ordinary run of
the mill teenage male.
ABBEY
Okay you can keep telling yourself
that, but you're not like other
guys. So that makes you far from
ordinary.
JIM
And you're not like other girls. So
I guess that makes us both
extraordinary people.
ABBEY
I can live with that.
Jim turns onto his back. Abbey moves closer and rests here
head on his shoulder.
FADE TO:
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jim and Abbey are still laying in bed.
Jim is awake. Abbey is asleep with her head on his shoulder.
Jim's cell phone begins to vibrate on his dresser. He
carefully gets out of bed, making sure not to wake Abbey. He
picks up the phone and sees that Lawrence is calling. He
quietly sits on the floor leaning against the foot of the
bed.
JIM
(softly)
Hello.
LAWRENCE
(on the phone)
Did you do her yet?
JIM
No jackass.
LAWRENCE
You gotta be kidding me.
JIM
Jesus Christ is that honestly what
you called for?
LAWRENCE
Hey don't get an attitude with me
big guy. I'm calling in and
checking up on my good friend. And
it seems that nothing important has
happened. If anything I should be
mad at you.
JIM
Alright shut up, shut up. If it
makes you feel any better, I kissed
her.
LAWRENCE
(shouting)
Thank God in heaven.
Jim pulls the phone away from his ear because Lawrence shouts
so loud.
JIM
I knew for some strange reason that
you'd be proud.
LAWRENCE
Where is she? Is she still there?
JIM
She's sleeping in my bed.
LAWRENCE
Nice.
Jim turns around to look at Abbey and kneels at the foot of
the bed.
JIM
You should see her right now. This
perfect girl sleeping in my bed.
She's so friggin' beautiful. And
she's in to me. It's unbelievable.
LAWRENCE
(worried)
- oh God.
JIM
Lawrence -
LAWRENCE
(very worried)
Yeah?
JIM
- I think I love her.
Lawrence hangs up the phone.
JIM (CONT'D)
Hello?
Jim closes the phone, and carefully climbs back into bed next
to Abbey.
TITLE CARD: "F 'N A"
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - DAY
The cafeteria is somewhat empty, do to the fact that it's
late in the day.
Jim, Blimp, and Harvard are at the table by the soda
machines.
Blimp is eating a slice of pizza in one hand. While the other
hand is holding another slice underneath the one being eaten.
Blimp is using this slice to catch any oil that drips from
the slice that he's currently gorging on.
Jim and Harvard are staring at him.
JIM
I'm at a loss for words.
BLIMP
(with food in his mouth)
Why?
HARVARD
You can't honestly see why mate?
BLIMP
Not really.
JIM
Well I just give up then.
BLIMP
Oh I see, make fun of the kid that
eats a lot. Fuck you judgemental
pricks. I don't eat half as much as
you think I do.
HARVARD
Rubbish.
JIM
Rubbish indeed.
HARVARD
You're a bloody Hoover suck vac.
JIM
He's right. We're only telling you
this for your own good. How about
going with one slice of pizza next
time.
HARVARD
I second that motion.
BLIMP
This isn't Parliament. No one gets
to vote. It's my choice how many
slices I have. Besides, it's not
like I'm putting on any weight.
JIM
Yeah that's a mystery all to
itself. Unless you're man-orexic, I
for the life of me can not
comprehend why you're not the size
of Jabba the Hutt. But I guess it
is your choice. So we'll just sit
idly by and watch you gorge on
whatever it is you insist on
gorging on this half hour.
BLIMP
Thank you.
(To Harvard)
And you?
HARVARD
Fine, gorge.
EXT. FILMORE PREP FRONT LAWN - DAY
Jim is waiting on the lawn in front of the entrance to
school. Lawrence storms out the doors. He takes the textbook
from his hand and kicks it in the air.
LAWRENCE
(yelling)
Motherfucker!
JIM
What happened?
LAWRENCE
That piece of shit.
JIM
What piece of shit?
LAWRENCE
Novak. That prick bastard.
JIM
Mr. Novak? Your English teacher?
LAWRENCE
Yeah. That cock-sucker!
JIM
How many more obscenities are you
gonna shout before you actually
decide to tell me what's wrong?
LAWRENCE
One more.
JIM
Go ahead.
LAWRENCE
Fuck-bag!
JIM
Ooo an original. So now can you
tell me what's got your panties all
twisted in a bunch?
Lawrence settles down. The two of them take a seat up against
the front of the building.
LAWRENCE
I busted my ass this weekend to
write this stupid paper for that
wind-bag. And today I got it back.
JIM
He failed you?
LAWRENCE
Yes he did. The balls on that son
of a bitch.
JIM
That sucks.
LAWRENCE
Understatement of the year.
JIM
Can I ask you something though?
LAWRENCE
What?
JIM
Now I'm not denying that you put a
lot of effort into this paper. I
believe you. So keep that in mind.
LAWRENCE
What are you getting at?
JIM
Well with your considered effort
aside, do you think that you may
have done something to provoke
kindly old Mr. Novak?
Lawrence doesn't answer.
JIM (CONT'D)
Lawrence? Does that pesky cat have
your tongue?
LAWRENCE
No it's still intact.
JIM
Then make with the explanation.
LAWRENCE
Well... I may have fallen asleep a
few times in class. Just a few.
JIM
Is that it?
LAWRENCE
I think he also may have overheard
me in the cafeteria making fun of
his age.
JIM
What did you say about his age?
LAWRENCE
I'm not a hundred percent sure, but
I think it was something along the
lines of him owing Jesus money, or
Jesus owing him money. I really
cant' remember.
JIM
So this man may actually have a
vendetta against you. That's
definitely something to think
about. Make sure to keep an eye out
for him in the halls. He could come
up from behind and give you a mean
charlie horse or something.
LAWRENCE
Fuck. Anyway let's just forget
about it.
(Pauses)
How's what's-her-name?
JIM
Abbey.
LAWRENCE
Yeah her. How are things?
JIM
I'd say things are pretty amazing.
Four weeks and counting. I'd give
us an A.
LAWRENCE
That's not fucking funny.
Lawrence's tone turns serious.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
But things are good?
JIM
Yeah man. For whatever reason she
likes spending time with me. So I'm
definitely happy about that.
LAWRENCE
You do seem kinda different since
you met her.
JIM
How?
LAWRENCE
I guess you seem happier and shit.
It's fucking depressing.
JIM
Why is me being happy depressing?
LAWRENCE
It just seems that you're happy for
all the wrong reasons. She likes
you and you like her. That's all
well and good, but sooner or later
you're gonna have to close the
deal.
JIM
Oh God in heaven. You're like a
friggin cliche. Always about
getting some. You belong in a
nineties teen sex comedy. You're
really like a broken record.
LAWRENCE
Yeah and we're going around again
because it's obvious I haven't
gotten through to you yet. So allow
me to repeat myself. Do the deed
already, please. Get it over with.
I'm honestly starting to worry
about you and your intentions.
JIM
Why do you give a shit about my
intentions?
LAWRENCE
Why wouldn't I give a shit? Your my
best friend. My fucking partner in
crime, the Robin to my Batman, the
Cher to my Sonny. I feel its my
responsibility to make sure that
you're on the right track.
JIM
I am on the right track. Things are
just right. Why would I want to
screw things up by bringing up sex?
LAWRENCE
See this is my problem. I'm getting
the impression that sex isn't even
on your fucking mind. That's what
I'm worried about.
(Pauses)
Is it even on your mind?
Jim doesn't answer.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
Come on level with me. I'm not
gonna judge you. Just tell me.
Jim remains silent.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
Fine be like that.
Lawrence starts to get up.
JIM
I do, I think about it.
Lawrence sits back down.
LAWRENCE
Really?
JIM
I'm fucking seventeen years old and
I go to an all male high school.
What the hell else am I supposed to
think about? Plans for my future?
LAWRENCE
Then why do you get so annoyed and
uptight when I bring it up?
JIM
Because it scares the shit out of
me. I don't fear death, I fear sex.
LAWRENCE
And why haven't you felt the need
to mention this?
JIM
Well it's not something you can
actually come out and say.
LAWRENCE
May I ask why it scares you?
JIM
Why do you think it scares anyone?
It's such a huge step in a
relationship. The hugest. And I
mean an actual relationship; not,
"Hey I really like your hat. I'm
drunk. Let's fuck." I'm talking
about an actual meaningful
relationship.
LAWRENCE
Like what you and Abbey have?
JIM
Exactly. Things are running
smoothly right now and I'm not
about to throw a wrench in the
gears by bringing up sex.
LAWRENCE
You think she'll say no?
JIM
I don't know. Even if she says yes
it'll still be bad. It's just too
much pressure for me to handle
right now. A yes would bring about
all sorts of bad things. A whole
shit load of anxiety that I don't
need.
LAWRENCE
Yeah but that's what sex is all
about. Anxiety.
JIM
And I don't want any of it right
now.
LAWRENCE
That seems a little odd; but okay.
JIM
My current plan is to stay the
course that I'm on.
LAWRENCE
You think that's a good plan?
JIM
Listen, I honestly think I'm in
love with this girl and until I'm
completely sure that she's in love
with me, I'm just gonna wait until
the time is right. And I'm asking
you to respect that decision.
LAWRENCE
Alright it's your call.
JIM
(surprised)
Really?
LAWRENCE
Yeah.
JIM
Thank you. And trust me, I think I
have things under control.
LAWRENCE
I'll try.
Brief silence.
Jim casually puts his hand on Lawrence's knee.
JIM
Man, thanks-
Lawrence gets up like a flash of lighting.
LAWRENCE
(screaming)
-Gay!
TITLE CARD: "DISNEY WORLD?"
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - MORNING
Jim is asleep.
The doorbell rings.
Jim wakes up, rolls over on his side and covers his head with
a pillow.
The doorbell rings again.
JIM
(shouting)
Mom! Doorbell!
No one answers. The doorbell rings yet again.
Jim realizes he's the only one in the house. He jumps out of
bed to go answer the door.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - MORNING
The doorbell rings again.
JIM
I'm coming, I'm coming. Hold your-
Jim opens the door.
ABBEY (O.C.)
Aww you're in your jammies.
JIM
(surprised)
Hey, what are you doing here? Did I
forget something? Where we supposed
to hang out today?
ABBEY
Relax Woody. Can't a girl just show
up unexpectedly and surprise her
boyfriend?
JIM
I don't know, can they? I'm kinda
new to this whole relationship
thing.
ABBEY
Yes we can. And for further
reference, we can do whatever we
want, whenever the hell we feel
like it.
JIM
Really?
ABBEY
Yep.
JIM
That's terrifying.
ABBEY
So are you going to invite me in,
or am I just gonna have to look all
adorable out here on the porch?
JIM
Come in, come in.
Abbey enters the house. They hug. Jim gives her a kiss.
ABBEY
Did I wake you?
JIM
Kinda.
ABBEY
Sorry. I guess I should've called
first.
JIM
Don't worry about it. I can't think
of a better way to start off my
day.
ABBEY
What a sweetheart.
JIM
The funny thing is, I actually
dreamt about you last night.
ABBEY
(joking)
Really? Are your sheets still dry?
JIM
Mind out of the gutter missy. It
wasn't one of those dreams.
ABBEY
Sure it wasn't. Denial isn't just a
river in Egypt you know.
They walk upstairs to Jim's room.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - MORNING
Abbey examines the bed.
ABBEY
Looks clean. Your story checks out.
Abbey sits on the bed. Jim stands in front of her.
JIM
I told you it was an innocent
little dream. You made a cameo
appearance. I can't remember what
it was about or what happened; but
I remember seeing your face. There
was nothing porno-esque going on,
scout's honor.
ABBEY
Good, I'm glad. Now come on and get
dressed.
JIM
Dressed? Why, where are we going?
ABBEY
Somewhere.
JIM
Somewhere?
ABBEY
Magical.
JIM
Disney World?
ABBEY
No silly, the mall.
JIM
The mall? Shopping?
ABBEY
Yep.
JIM
You shop?
ABBEY
Yes. How do you think I get these
stunning outfits?
JIM
You just don't seem like the kind
that goes shopping. It's too girly
of an activity for you.
ABBEY
Too girly, are you serious?
JIM
Yeah. You seem like you don't do
that many girly things. I kinda
like that about you.
ABBEY
Well excuse me for wanting to buy
some new clothes, so my boyfriend
will like to look at me.
JIM
This is coming out all wrong.
Thoughts like these should remain
in my head. I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to upset you.
Abbey stares at Jim.
ABBEY
(pauses)
You know you're cute when you
grovel.
JIM
Alright, I'll fulfill my boyfriend
duties and come shopping with you.
Happy?
ABBEY
Oh bless your heart.
JIM
Now if you don't mind, I would like
to get dressed.
ABBEY
Go right ahead.
Jim waits for Abbey to leave the room.
She doesn't.
JIM
Uh...Do you mind?
ABBEY
I'm staying for the show. I've got
a few singles on me, so make with
the stripping.
JIM
Excuse me?
ABBEY
You heard me. Strip.
JIM
Not gonna happen.
ABBEY
Oh please. Pretty pretty please.
You don't have to go all Demi
Moore, just sex it up a bit.
Jim thinks it over for a moment.
JIM
(playing along)
Alright. But I need some music.
Jim goes and searches through a pile of CD's.
JIM (CONT'D)
Damn it's not here. Do me a favor,
run downstairs and get the CD
that's on the kitchen table. Hurry
before I change my mind.
ABBEY
I'm going, I'm going.
Abbey rushes out of the room. Jim closes the door behind her
and locks it.
ABBEY (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Aw! Boooo!
FADE TO:
INT. MALL FOOD COURT - DAY
The food court is packed with people. Jim and Abbey are
sitting across from each other at a table amongst the crowd.
They're in the middle eating lunch.
Jim has a dazed look on his face. He looks like he's been
through hell and back.
ABBEY
I can't believe that lady gave me a
dirty look. I mean I got to the
rack first, that sweater was
rightfully mine. Am I right?
JIM
Yeah. She was completely in the
wrong. She had no right to shoot
you that look.
ABBEY
I know. Some people.
Jim begins playing with his food.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
Is something wrong?
JIM
Um...
Abbey takes notice of the look on his face.
ABBEY
-oh my God. I traumatized you,
didn't I?
JIM
No. I'm fine.
ABBEY
Are you sure?
JIM
Yeah. It's just that this whole
shopping thing is new to me. I had
heard stories about it before, but
I always thought they were
exaggerated. I didn't believe it
could be that bad.
ABBEY
I'm so sorry. I should've known
that this wasn't your type of
thing.
JIM
Don't be sorry. This is definitely
a learning experience.
ABBEY
So this was the first and last time
we go shopping?
JIM
No we can do this again. At least
next time I'll know what to expect.
And besides any time spent with you
is a good time.
Abbey smiles.
ABBEY
You're amazing to put up with me,
and with this.
JIM
I know. I am.
ABBEY
(giggling)
Shut up. So what next?
JIM
Let's keep going.
ABBEY
Really? I can't possibly do that to
you.
JIM
Don't worry. As the saying goes,
"Shop 'till you drop." And I'm
still able to stand up under my own
power, so I say we continue.
ABBEY
Are you sure?
JIM
Yes. Since I know what I'm in for
now, how bad could it be?
JUMP CUT TO:
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - AFTERNOON
Jim, Lawrence, and Harvard are sitting at their spot.
JIM
(running his hands over
his face)
Unbelievably bad.
HARVARD
Really?
JIM
Yeah.
LAWRENCE
Man I could've told you that.
JIM
Right, because you're all knowing.
LAWRENCE
Exactly.
HARVARD
On a scale from one to ten - ten
being the worst. How bad was it?
JIM
Thirty three.
HARVARD
Bloody hell.
JIM
Tell me about it.
HARVARD
But what exactly was it like. What
made it so bad.
JIM
Well I'll give you an example. We
went into one store. She looked
around for a bit. Tried on about
six or seven different tops, maybe
four or five pairs of jeans. We
were in there for about two hours.
And all she ended up buying was a
pair of socks.
HARVARD
Holy shit.
JIM
It was rough. But I kinda feel bad
about hating it. I sorta feel like
a jerk.
LAWRENCE
Dude we're guys. We have balls.
Shopping and balls don't mix.
JIM
But I still feel bad about it.
LAWRENCE
So.
JIM
So says the man with no heart. I
just don't want to become that guy
who doesn't like doing things with
his girlfriend.
HARVARD
Don't worry about it.
JIM
The problem is I do worry. I don't
wanna fit into that stupid
stereotype. I wanna enjoy doing
things she normally does.
Jim puts his hands on top of his head.
JIM (CONT'D)
This relationship thing is fucking
hard work.
LAWRENCE
Oh quit your fucking whining.
(Impersonating Jim in a
girly voice)
I wanna like what she likes. I have
a vagina. Wah wah wah.
Harvard lets out a chuckle.
JIM
(to Harvard)
You're never gonna learn, are you?
HARVARD
Sorry.
LAWRENCE
You know what you need to do? You
need to show some goddamn backbone.
JIM
Oh really?
LAWRENCE
I've seen more spine in fucking
jellyfish. The next time you're
with her, you're gonna tell her how
you feel. You're gonna say that you
hated shopping with her and that
you're never going again.
Understand?
HARVARD
I tend to agree mate. This bird
sounds lovely and all, but you need
to let her know what's what before
she starts walking all over you.
LAWRENCE
See even Princess Di agrees with
me. So what do you say?
JIM
(exhales)
I'll think about it.
CUT TO:
INT. ABBEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Abbey's room is painted purple. It's particularly girly,
especially for someone like Abbey. As we pan across the room
we see piles upon piles of CD's and DVD's nestled in a
corner. There are posters of Audrey Hepburn hanging on the
walls.
Abbey is standing by her dresser folding and putting away
clothes.
Jim knocks on the door.
JIM (O.S.)
Is it safe?
ABBEY
Yes.
Jim walks in and they kiss.
JIM
Hi.
ABBEY
Hi yourself.
JIM
How was school?
ABBEY
Same old same old.
Jim begins to look more nervous then usual.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
Are you alright? You look like you
got something on your mind.
JIM
Um...
ABBEY
Yeah?
JIM
Um...
ABBEY
Um what?
Jim looks into Abbey's eyes. He realizes he can't go through
with it.
JIM
Um... you look really beautiful
today.
ABBEY
You're so adorable. And you look
very handsome in your uniform.
JIM
Thank you. I do feel handsome. So
now that we've gotten the
pleasantries out of the way, let's
get down to business. What are we
watching?
ABBEY
I was thinking maybe "Rushmore"?
JIM
Where have you been all my life?
ABBEY
You should thank God every night
that I fell into your life.
Abbey kisses Jim. She then gets up and puts the movie in the
DVD player. Jim watches her with a smile on his face.
TITLE CARD: "UNHOLY UNION"
INT. FILMORE PREP HALLWAYS - DAY
Jim and Lawrence are walking through the halls from their
lockers.
JIM
So how did Santa treat you over the
break?
LAWRENCE
Fuck Santa. Fuck the break. Can you
believe I was chomping at the bit
to come back to this friggin place.
JIM
Wow, sounds like a bad break.
LAWRENCE
Terrible break.
JIM
But the Christmas and New Years
holiday are supposed to be a joyous
time.
LAWRENCE
Maybe for a normal person, not me.
JIM
So this means that things aren't
going well on the female front
either?
LAWRENCE
Oh don't you fucking start with me.
JIM
What? Did I say something wrong?
LAWRENCE
I'm on to you. I know what you're
trying to do.
JIM
Please fill me in on exactly what
that is.
LAWRENCE
You think that because you finally
found someone, the girl of your
dreams and what not, you get to put
in your two cents on my situation.
JIM
That's not the case at all.
LAWRENCE
Oh it is. It really is. This Abbey
seems nice and all, but you're
still inexperienced. So get down
off your little donkey.
JIM
Don't you mean high horse?
LAWRENCE
Whatever jack ass, I'm not big on
metaphors.
JIM
So what we've established is that I
know nothing about women and am in
no position to judge.
LAWRENCE
Case closed.
JIM
You really must have had a terrible
break.
LAWRENCE
Let's get off this please.
JIM
Alrighty then.
LAWRENCE
Let's move on to you. Your break
was?
JIM
Not bad. Abbey was away for a bit.
But she came back last weekend, so
we got to spend some time together.
LAWRENCE
Lucky you.
JIM
You know you're right, I'm pretty
damn lucky. I couldn't have asked
for a better first half of the
year.
LAWRENCE
God are you trying to make me
vomit?
JIM
Uh huh. Is it working?
LAWRENCE
Fuck you. So that's all you did
with her?
JIM
Well we went out to dinner with my
parents.
LAWRENCE
That wasn't the kind of answer I
was looking for, but I guess I'll
take it. How did that go?
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
The restaurant has a very Americana theme. There are many
pictures hanging on the walls. They include: famous movie
stars, classic movie posters, sports figures, autographed
pictures, and other sorts of memorabilia.
The place is packed. Waitresses are scurrying about from
table to table. Jim and Abbey are sitting next to each other
on one side of the booth. Across from them are Jim's dad
RICHARD, and his mother EMILY. Both of them are in their late
forties. Richard is balding and wears a pair of horn rimmed
glasses. Emily appears very well kept and proper. She looks
like the kind of person that has never said a dirty word in
her life.
We come in on everyone laughing except for Jim.
RICHARD
I couldn't believe it. There he was
in his mother's high heels.
ABBEY
(laughing)
That's hilarious.
JIM
No it's not.
ABBEY
Come one. Not even just a little?
JIM
Maybe for you guys. Not me.
EMILY
Oh don't be so uptight. It was
adorable. You looked adorable.
ABBEY
(looks at Jim)
He still does.
JIM
Oh stop.
EMILY
(to Richard)
Aren't they precious?
RICHARD
Quite.
JIM
Please don't call us precious.
We're not puppies.
EMILY
Well I think you are, so stop being
such a party pooper.
ABBEY
I'm always telling him that.
EMILY
You go girl.
JIM
Hey mom, the nineties called they
want their material back.
ABBEY
You be nice to your mother. Now say
you're sorry.
Abbey stares down Jim. He knows there's no chance.
JIM
(letting out a sigh)
Fine. I'm sorry mom.
EMILY
That's all right sweetie.
(To Richard)
I love this girl already.
Richard nods his head yes.
JUMP CUT TO:
INT. FILMORE PREP HALLWAYS - DAY
LAWRENCE
Oh fuck.
JIM
What?
LAWRENCE
What do you mean what? Your mom and
your girlfriend agreed on
something. They found common
ground. They got along.
JIM
So?
LAWRENCE
Got along really well.
JIM
Once again, so?
LAWRENCE
You're a fucking idiot. There is
absolutely no hope for you left.
You mean to tell me that you don't
know about the unholy union?
JIM
Huh?
LAWRENCE
Your mom and girlfriend joining
forces. It's a deadly combination.
Like pop rocks and coke. Only this
can actually kill you.
JIM
You are out of your mind. So my mom
and my girlfriend got along. What's
the...
(Pauses)
Oh no.
LAWRENCE
What is it? Speak.
JIM
I just had a flash in my head. It
was the two of them-
LAWRENCE
And?
JIM
They were laughing, in unison.
LAWRENCE
See I told you.
JIM
This isn't good.
LAWRENCE
It's frightening shit man. Were
their eyes crimson red? Red like
the fires of Mordor?
JIM
No.
LAWRENCE
Did they have horns?
JIM
No.
LAWRENCE
Well give it time. Just think, two
nagging entities joining forces to
criticize your sense of style,
grooming habits, food and beverage
intake. And trust me it doesn't end
there. You bought the ticket and
you're in for one hell of a ride.
May the force be with you my young
padiwan, 'cause you're sure as shit
gonna need it.
JIM
(sarcastic)
Beautiful.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S KITCHEN - DAY
Emily is washing the dishes in the sink. Jim returns home
from school. He enters the kitchen and heads straight for the
refrigerator.
EMILY
How was school?
JIM
Fine.
EMILY
It's always fine. Never exciting or
interesting, just fine.
JIM
And aren't you glad that's what
you're paying for?
EMILY
It doesn't exactly help me sleep at
night, but I think I'll manage.
JIM
What's for dinner?
EMILY
Chicken.
JIM
Again?
EMILY
We haven't had chicken in a while.
JIM
Then where did I have chicken?
EMILY
Maybe when you were out with Abbey.
JIM
Uh...Abbey. Yeah you're probably
right.
EMILY
She's got you all distracted. It's
making you forget about my cooking.
JIM
That's not it.
EMILY
Don't worry. She's a lovely girl.
JIM
Yeah she is.
EMILY
I actually just got off the phone
with her.
JIM
You what?
EMILY
She called looking for you. I guess
she thought you would be home from
school. The two of us had a nice
little chat.
Jim begins to look like he's been to hell and back.
JIM
Really?
EMILY
Uh huh. We made plans to go
shopping this weekend.
JIM
(visibly shaken)
Oh really? That's nice.
EMILY
What's the matter?
JIM
Um nothing. I gotta go do homework.
Jim backs out of the kitchen and darts up the stairs to his
room.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - DAY
Jim closes the door behind him. He takes out his phone and
begins pacing around his room. He calls Lawrence.
JIM
Pick up, pick up.
LAWRENCE
(on the phone)
Hello?
JIM
(frantic)
She called! They talked! They're
going fucking shopping!
LAWRENCE
What? Slow down.
JIM
She said they had a nice long talk.
I'm fucked.
LAWRENCE
Okay calm down. Are you calm?
JIM
Yeah yeah.
LAWRENCE
Now what I need you to do is go
find a video camera and give it to
your mom.
JIM
What? Why?
LAWRENCE
Because I want a video record of
your reaction to me telling you
that your mom and I just played
you, bitch.
Jim is floored. Emily knocks on the door.
EMILY (O.S.)
Tell Lawrence I said mission
accomplished.
Emily begins to laugh hysterically. Lawrence's laughter is
heard through the phone which Jim pulls away from his head.
JIM
Not cool.
TITLE CARD: "COWS AND PHISH"
INT. ABBEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jim and Abbey are laying in bed.
JIM
Man your mom cooks a mean burger.
ABBEY
I'll relay the compliment.
JIM
Very filling. I'm not gonna be able
to eat for the rest of the week.
What does she put in them?
ABBEY
Cow.
Jim lets out a sarcastic laugh.
JIM
So you think they like me?
ABBEY
How could they not?
JIM
Did they say anything?
ABBEY
No. But I know they did, so you
don't have to worry.
JIM
Getting in with the parents is
crucial. My worrying is warranted.
ABBEY
Trust me, you're in. I was picking
up some good vibes from them. I can
tell they like you.
JIM
I hope you're right. Those burgers
are really something to look
forward to.
ABBEY
(peeved)
Excuse me? The burgers? Not a fun-
filled loving relationship with me?
JIM
(thinking it over)
I think that all depends on if
they're cheeseburgers.
ABBEY
(smiling)
Shut up.
JIM
Come on you know I'd always choose
you over meat, regardless of it
having cheese on it.
ABBEY
Your girlfriend over a slaughtered
cow, what a romantic.
JIM
Get used to it.
ABBEY
The future's something to look
forward to.
JIM
Well not if you're the cow.
Abbey laughs. There is a pause in the conversation.
ABBEY
Do you realize that this time next
year we'll be in college?
JIM
Pretty crazy stuff.
ABBEY
The adolescent years are over, just
like that. It's kinda scary.
JIM
A little, I agree. But that's why
I'm here, to protect you from the
big bad university or small liberal
arts college.
She kisses him on the cheek.
ABBEY
So what do you think we'll be like?
JIM
In college?
ABBEY
Yeah. You think we'll change all
that much?
JIM
I don't know. Maybe since we're
freshmen, we'll have to conform a
bit in order to fit in. Not
completely, just a little.
ABBEY
Define a little.
JIM
Well I'm not gonna start listening
to Phish just for the sake of
making a few friends.
ABBEY
So that means no hacky sack either?
JIM
And no sandals. I enjoy wearing
socks and that will never change.
ABBEY
I love a man who sticks to his
convictions.
(Pause.)
And what does your crystal ball say
about us?
JIM
I prefer not asking it something
like that.
ABBEY
Why?
JIM
It's too big of a question. Knowing
the answer would ruin the surprise
of where this thing is going.
ABBEY
So you'd rather just be about the
here and now?
JIM
Yeah. I figure don't waste time
worrying about what's going to
happen and let what's happening now
pass us by.
ABBEY
That's so beautiful. It's almost
poetic.
JIM
That Maya Angelou better watch her
back. I got eloquence coming out of
my ears.
TITLE CARD: "LITTLE FIGHT CLUB"
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - DAY
The cafeteria is packed to the brim with students. Lawrence,
Blimp, and Harvard are sitting at their usual table by the
soda machines.
LAWRENCE
You know what I saw last night?
BLIMP
What?
LAWRENCE
"Scream 2."
BLIMP
For the first time?
LAWRENCE
Yep.
HARVARD
And?
LAWRENCE
Courtney Cox is fucking hot. I'm in
total shock. When did this happen?
Did I miss the memo or something?
HARVARD
That's all you got out of it?
LAWRENCE
Pretty much. I mean, what else is
there to get? A guy in a mask runs
around knifing up twenty
somethings. It's not Scorsese.
BLIMP
I'm more of a Neve Campbell man
myself.
LAWRENCE
Meh.
HARVARD
Sarah Michelle Gellar for me.
LAWRENCE
Now there you go. This is one of
the few times where I'll have to
agree with you. SMG equals wood.
Those little stretch pants she was
wearing when she bit it made me all
kinds of crazy. But Courtney Cox,
my God. I'm gonna start watching
"Friends" reruns.
HARVARD
Don't. It's not worth it, trust me.
The show is not funny. I went
through a Lisa Kudrow phase once.
I've never forgiven myself.
LAWRENCE
Lisa Kudrow phase? Are you shitting
me?
HARVARD
She's a beautiful woman.
LAWRENCE
You go from Buffy to Phoebe? Are
you out of your mind?
BLIMP
Jennifer Love Hewitt's hot too.
LAWRENCE
She was in the other one.
BLIMP
What other one?
LAWRENCE
"I Know What You Did Last Summer".
BLIMP
You do?
LAWRENCE
(sarcastic)
Ha ha.
BLIMP
(unaware)
What's funny?
LAWRENCE
Nothing.
(To Harvard)
I still can't believe you went
through a Lisa Kudrow phase.
HARVARD
Give it a rest.
LAWRENCE
I don't think I can. I mean
Jennifer Aniston is one thing, but
Lisa Kudrow?
HARVARD
Good God give it a bloody rest!
LAWRENCE
What's the matter? Can't take the
heat, then get the fuck out of the
kitchen because the house's on
fire.
HARVARD
What does that even mean?
LAWRENCE
Your mother. That's what it means.
HARVARD
Thanks for the clarification.
FATHER ANGELO walks by.
LAWRENCE
Father Angelo, can't wait for that
test next period.
FATHER ANGELO
Really? Studied hard?
LAWRENCE
Very hard. Extremely hard in fact.
FATHER ANGELO
Well we'll see if it pays off.
LAWRENCE
Oh trust me it will. See ya soon.
FATHER ANGELO
I look forward to seeing you too.
Father Angelo leaves.
LAWRENCE
Is he coming on to me? Because I'm
picking up some vibes.
HARVARD
I don't know. Maybe if you say hard
one more time, he'll take you out
for a pint and a shag.
LAWRENCE
But can you blame him though? I
mean I am such a sweet piece of
ass.
HARVARD
Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Jim enters the cafeteria and sits down at the table.
He looks like he didn't get any sleep last night.
LAWRENCE
What the fuck happened to you?
JIM
The inevitable.
BLIMP
What?
JIM
We had our first fight last night.
LAWRENCE
(laughs)
Oh this should be good. Proceed.
JIM
I was home last night studying for
Angelo's test next period and she
calls. She sounds all frazzled. She
said something happened at school
and wanted me to come over and
console her. But I told her I
really couldn't because I was too
busy studying for this test. In any
other situation, on any other
night, I would have been there in a
second, but I fucked up big time on
his last test. Bombing this one
would put me deeper in a hole that
I can't get out of. Well after I
told her this she got mad. Then we
started arguing.
Yelling and screaming for hours.
Just back and forth nonsense. I
barely studied a damn thing. So now
I'm pissed.
Lawrence starts a slow clap and then gives Jim a standing
ovation, cheering and laughing.
Everyone in the cafeteria turns and looks at him. They get up
and sarcastically start doing the same. Now everyone in the
cafeteria is giving Jim a standing ovation. The room fills
with thunderous cheers and applause.
LAWRENCE
(shouting)
My boy's got his balls back. Wooo!
Teachers arrive and begin staring down the students. The
applause dies out. Everyone sits down.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
Oh happy day.
JIM
You're unbelievable, you know that?
Un-fucking-believable.
LAWRENCE
I'm sorry, I'm just so excited to
hear this wonderful news. I mean
you finally stood up for something.
Turns out you're not all that
whipped. I'm pretty fucking proud.
JIM
Can you please just bottle up your
enjoyment next time? There's no
need to make a scene.
HARVARD
So let me get this straight.
Something happened to Abbey at
school?
JIM
Yeah.
HARVARD
Do you know what it was?
JIM
(pauses)
Come to think of it, she didn't
exactly mention it, she just said
she needed me to come over.
HARVARD
So you don't know what happened?
JIM
What are you getting at?
LAWRENCE
Yeah fucker, what are you getting
at?
HARVARD
What I'm getting at is something
really bad could've happened to her
at school. Something even
traumatizing. She might have really
needed you there last night. I'm
sorry mate, but I think you're in
the wrong on this one.
BLIMP
Me too.
LAWRENCE
Oh great! Here comes the fucking
fairy patrol. He stood his ground
and should be commended. He's a man
now.
Jim comes to a realization.
JIM
No I'm not. I'm an idiot. Harvy's
right. I should've been there.
LAWRENCE
(disappointed)
Well I guess it was nice having you
on our team, even if it was just
for a little while.
JIM
I gotta call her. Thanks guys.
(To Lawrence)
Even you.
LAWRENCE
Oh la-di-da, go call the girl,
woman.
CUT TO:
EXT. FILMORE PREP FRONT LAWN - DAY
Jim paces back and forth on the lawn. He dials Abbey's
number.
ABBEY
(on the phone)
Hello.
JIM
Hi.
ABBEY
(upset)
What do you want? I'm at school.
JIM
I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.
ABBEY
Yep, that seems about right.
JIM
Good I'm glad we're in agreement.
Listen, I should've been there last
night. There's no question about
it. You should've been my first
priority. I am really so terribly,
extremely sorry.
ABBEY
I know, you've made that pretty
clear.
JIM
I'm coming over right after school
and we're gonna talk. That's the
least I can do for you. Okay?
ABBEY
What makes you think I'll let you
in?
JIM
Because you find me irresistible,
endearing, charming. The list goes
on.
ABBEY
You really think that?
JIM
Um...
ABBEY
(giving in)
Dammit Jim, you know me all too
well. Get your butt there right
after school.
JIM
I'll be there with bells on. A lot
of them.
ABBEY
(giggling)
Bye.
FADE TO:
INT. ABBEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
OVERHEAD TWO SHOT: JIM AND ABBEY
Abbey is laying in Jim's arms on the bed.
JIM
So that was our first fight?
ABBEY
I think it was.
JIM
I guess it had to happen
eventually, right?
ABBEY
Apparently it happens to the best
of them.
JIM
And we definitely are better than
most people, if not all.
ABBEY
Let's just try not to have too many
of them.
JIM
Yeah they blow.
ABBEY
Hard.
TITLE CARD: "THE RINGER"
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jim is getting dressed.
There is a knock on the door.
JIM
Come in.
Abbey enters.
ABBEY
Hey there good looking.
They share a kiss.
JIM
You ready?
ABBEY
Born ready.
JIM
Nervous?
ABBEY
Why should I be?
JIM
You're meeting the guys tonight.
It's kind of a big deal.
ABBEY
That's why I'm gonna be on my best
behavior tonight and keep the
swearing to a minimum.
JIM
Oh what a sweet girlfriend I have.
ABBEY
The sweetest.
JIM
So I have an idea. I thought that
before we go I could tell you a bit
about them first, so that you're
not walking into this meal blind.
ABBEY
Sounds good.
Jim goes to one of his dresser drawers and takes out a
picture.
CUT TO:
INSERT SHOT: PICTURE IN JIM'S HANDS
Jim, Lawrence, Harvard, and Blimp are at a Halloween party
dressed as Reservoir Dogs.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
Aww. Which one is Mr. Blonde?
JIM
Me. Duh.
ABBEY
(sarcastic)
Yeah cause it's so obvious.
JIM
Well anyway let's get started. That
is Lawrence.
ABBEY
Okay that's simple enough.
JIM
He has a bit of a big mouth. He
loves to say whatever's on his
mind, no matter how filthy. Expect
a lot of F-bombs out of him
tonight.
ABBEY
Lawrence equals white Sam Jackson.
Got it.
JIM
Next we have Blimp.
ABBEY
Blimp?
JIM
You heard correctly.
ABBEY
Alright.
JIM
He tends to eat a lot.
ABBEY
That doesn't bother me.
JIM
But I mean a lot. Like don't put
your hand near his mouth because he
might try and take a bite out of it
a lot.
ABBEY
Blimp equals hands in pockets. Then
you're gonna have to feed me.
JIM
If it means you keeping your hands
then I'll make the sacrifice. I
mean just look at them, they're
stunning.
ABBEY
My knight with shinning silverware.
JIM
And finally, to the right of the
striking gentleman in the center,
me, we have Harvard.
ABBEY
As in university?
JIM
His parents went there. They really
loved it. Yada yada yada they named
him after it.
ABBEY
How quirky.
JIM
Tell me about it. Now there's two
things you should know about
Harvard. One, he's incredibly
smart. Straight A's across the
board. Too smart even for Mensa.
And two, he has this little habit.
ABBEY
Yeah?
JIM
He kinda has a tendency of speaking
in British slang.
ABBEY
Is he from England?
JIM
No. He's one hundred percent
American.
ABBEY
Okay. That's a little odd.
JIM
I know. It is. It takes a little
bit to get used to.
ABBEY
Do you know why he does it?
JIM
I'm not sure, but I have an idea.
He came back from summer vacation
one year doing it. I mean I know
he's a really big fan of "The
Office", the original series. A
really big fan. So I guess the way
they talk just rubbed off on him,
permanently.
ABBEY
Well this is good to know.
JIM
So if he says anything to you or
calls you something that you think
is offensive, it's probably just
British.
ABBEY
I feel so informed now.
JIM
I know. The things I do for you.
She kisses him.
ABBEY
My neurotic in shinning armor.
JIM
Come my lady, for tonight we dine.
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
The five of them are at a table in the center of the
restaurant. Jim and Abbey are sitting next to each other
across from Lawrence, Blimp, and Harvard. They are in the
middle of dinner.
ABBEY
(to Jim)
What do you think about that?
JIM
I think he may actually be telling
the truth.
LAWRENCE
You're goddamn right I'm telling
the truth. Why would I lie about
something like that?
JIM
Because you're you.
LAWRENCE
Hand to God, it really happened. My
mom walked in on me totally naked
getting dressed.
BLIMP
Not fun.
HARVARD
Not dinner conversation.
LAWRENCE
(to Harvard)
Dame Judi Dench, shut the fuck up.
JIM
What did she say when she saw you?
LAWRENCE
Like father like son.
They all laugh.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
No. What the fuck do you think she
said? She screamed and closed the
door.
HARVARD
And that was it?
LAWRENCE
Yeah. I'm never forgetting to lock
my fucking door ever again.
HARVARD
Bloody traumatizing.
ABBEY
(giggling)
More like bloody hysterical.
LAWRENCE
(to Jim)
She really seems to be enjoying
this.
JIM
What can I say, she knows true
comedy when she hears it.
LAWRENCE
(sarcastic)
Ha ha.
JIM
Plus she's so well rounded.
LAWRENCE
Then I guess it's time to put her
through the ringer.
JIM
What?
LAWRENCE
It's just a few questions that the
three of us came up with on the way
here.
JIM
Why?
LAWRENCE
Just a guide of sorts. They'll give
us a little peek inside of your
girlfriend. And that came out a lot
dirtier than I had intended.
JIM
No. I don't think-
ABBEY
-Jim come on. It'll be fun.
LAWRENCE
Yes Jim, it will be fun.
JIM
Alright. Your choice not mine.
LAWRENCE
(to Abbey)
Okay, let's begin. Now remember to
take your time, answer honestly,
and don't be afraid to swear.
JIM
Oh God.
ABBEY
Let's do this.
LAWRENCE
Favorite song, go.
ABBEY
Of all time?
LAWRENCE
Yep.
ABBEY
I'm gonna go with "Sympathy for the
Devil".
LAWRENCE
That's so hot.
JIM
Hey!
LAWRENCE
Well it is. And you know it.
JIM
(thinks it over)
I guess you're right.
(To Abbey)
That's pretty hot.
ABBEY
Thank you Woody.
LAWRENCE
Alright Ross and Rachel cool it
with the lovey-dovey. Blimp you're
up.
BLIMP
(thinks)
Okay let's see, favorite movie.
ABBEY
(quickly)
"Casablanca".
BLIMP
Interesting.
LAWRENCE
Still kinda hot.
JIM
(to Lawrence)
Enough with the hot.
LAWRENCE
Hey I'm not giving the answers, she
is. I'm just givin' my opinions.
HARVARD
And now for the proverbial icing on
the cake, favorite Beatle.
ABBEY
(without hesitation)
George.
LAWRENCE
Alrighty.
Lawrence, Blimp, and Harvard huddle up together; whispering
things into each other's ear.
Jim looks at Abbey and shakes his head, she smiles.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
We the jury have reached a verdict.
(Pauses for dramatic
effect)
We think you're awesome.
ABBEY
Aww.
(To Jim)
How 'bout that sweetie?
JIM
This is kind of a shock. They like
very few people. You should feel
special.
LAWRENCE
(to Abbey)
Congratulations you're in. And you
can continue to date our boy here.
He reaches over and shakes her hand.
ABBEY
I feel loved.
INT. HARVARD'S CAR (MOVING) - NIGHT
Harvard is driving Lawrence and Blimp home after dinner.
BLIMP
I feel sick. Did anyone else have
the ravioli?
LAWRENCE
Nope.
BLIMP
I don't get it, the first order
tasted fine.
LAWRENCE
So the second order was a bad idea?
BLIMP
I think it was. I'm gonna have the
fuckin' runs all night.
HARVARD
Good God man. Talk about over
sharing.
BLIMP
(to Lawrence)
Oh man, remember that party at
Schultz's house over break?
Remember how sick I got?
LAWRENCE
Yeah.
BLIMP
Child's play compared to what's
coming tonight.
LAWRENCE
Wait, what party was that?
BLIMP
Schultz's.
LAWRENCE
Schultz's?
(Comes to a realization)
Holy shit!
BLIMP
What?
LAWRENCE
(enraged)
Motherfucker!
CUT TO:
INT. FILMORE PREP HALLWAYS - AFTER SCHOOL
The hallway is empty. Lawrence is taking books from his bag
and shoving them in his locker. He seems angry.
Jim comes up behind him.
JIM
Hey man what's up? I haven't seen
you all day.
Lawrence doesn't respond. He continues taking books out of
his bag.
JIM (CONT'D)
I just wanted to tell you that I
appreciate last night. You guys
couldn't have been better.
Lawrence stops and looks at Jim directly.
LAWRENCE
(serious)
I want that girl out of your life.
He slams the locker door shut. BANG.
He blows by Jim and heads down the stairs.
Jim stays there motionless.
TITLE CARD: "THE BIG REVEAL"
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
We fade into the scene at the very beginning of the story.
Jim has just climbed into bed after frantically pacing around
his room.
CLOSEUP - JIM'S FACE
JIM
(starts to cry)
There's no way. She wouldn't do
that. She wouldn't...
His phone rings. He looks to see who it is.
INSERT SHOT: PHONE SCREEN
The screen displays Abbey's name.
He stares at the phone, waiting for it to go to voice-mail.
He plays the message.
ABBEY (V.O.)
Hey sweetie, I just wanted to see
if you wanted to get together
tomorrow night. I just rented all
three "Star Wars" prequels. I
thought we could watch them and
make fun of 'em. Well anyway call
me and let me know. Bye.
Jim shuts the phone and throws it on the bed.
INT. ABBEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Abbey is typing at her computer.
There is a knock on the door.
ABBEY
Who is it?
JIM
(softly)
Me.
ABBEY
It's safe. Come in.
Jim enters. You can tell he had been crying. His body
language is very awkward. He keeps his hands in his pockets.
Abbey gets up and notices the way he looks.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
What's wrong?
JIM
He told me everything.
ABBEY
Who?
JIM
Lawrence.
ABBEY
Everything about what?
JIM
About you and what you did. Who you
did it with.
ABBEY
Sweetie...
She moves toward him. He backs away.
JIM
Don't.
She sits down on her bed. He moves to the other side of the
room.
ABBEY
Okay, sorry. I want to know what he
told you. I want to know why you're
mad.
JIM
You really want to know?
ABBEY
Yes. Tell me.
JIM
He said he saw you and that fuck
Morris together over winter break.
ABBEY
What?
JIM
You heard me.
ABBEY
Come on Jim. He's obviously messing
with you. How come he didn't say
anything at dinner? If he really
saw me he would have said
something.
JIM
He realized it was you on the way
home. You're lucky he didn't
recognize you at the restaurant
because he would have made a
fucking scene.
ABBEY
Jim...
JIM
When he told me today after school
all the air left my lungs. It felt
like I was punched in the gut. And
yeah at first I thought he was
messing with me. He's fucking crazy
like that. But as corny as it
sounds, I saw it in his eyes. They
looked hurt. I could see that he
genuinely felt bad for me. I could
see his pity. He felt sorry that I
had been taken for such a ride by
you.
ABBEY
No Jim.
JIM
Stop. I believe him. So I'm here
for a confession.
ABBEY
Confession?
JIM
Well its obvious you didn't go away
over the break. Were you with him?
Abbey is silent.
JIM (CONT'D)
Just please make this easy and
answer.
Abbey remains silent
JIM (CONT'D)
(raises his voice)
Answer the goddamn question!
Abbey gives up the charade.
ABBEY
(softly)
I was with him.
JIM
Did you sleep with him?
ABBEY
(starts to cry)
Yes.
JIM
Then that's that.
He walks out the room and slams the door behind him.
Abbey remains on the bed in tears.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S CAR (MOVING) - NIGHT
Jim is driving home with tears streaming down his face,
pounding on the steering wheel.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jim lays in his bed with his hands behind his head staring at
the ceiling.
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - DAY
Lawrence, Blimp, Harvard are at the usual spot.
BLIMP
How is he?
LAWRENCE
I don't know. I haven't heard from
him, but one would assume he's a
fucking wreck.
HARVARD
So let me get this straight, you
saw Abbey and?
LAWRENCE
Morris.
BLIMP
That jock piece of shit?
LAWRENCE
The very same.
HARVARD
And you saw them together?
LAWRENCE
I saw the two of them in the corner
at Schultz's party. And they were
being very forward with each other.
HARVARD
This is a bleeding tragedy. Poor
Jim.
Lawrence's cell phone rings. He looks to see who it is.
LAWRENCE
Speak of the devil.
(Answers the phone)
Jim my man, how's it going?
(Pauses)
Yeah man sure thing.
(Pauses)
Hello?
Lawrence hangs up.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
Wow.
BLIMP
What did he say?
LAWRENCE
He told me to make sure that I take
really detailed notes in class
today so he wouldn't miss anything
and then he hung up.
HARVARD
Only concerned about school work.
BLIMP
It's unfathomable.
Lawrence and Harvard turn and stare at Blimp.
LAWRENCE
I'm surprised you didn't choke on
that.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jim is sitting on his bed with his arms crossed, emotionless.
His phone rings. Abbey's name appears on the screen. Jim
naturally doesn't answer. The phone rings again. Abbey again.
Jim lets it ring. Abbey calls one more time. Jim becomes
beyond frustrated. He takes the phone and throws it against
the wall.
TITLE CARD: "THE PLEADING HEART SHOW"
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - MORNING
Jim is getting ready for school. He prepares his books. He
stands in front of the mirror and makes his tie.
EMILY (O.S.)
Jim?
JIM
Yeah.
EMILY (O.S.)
Do you want me to make you some
breakfast? Some pancakes maybe?
JIM
No.
EMILY (O.S.)
Are you sure?
JIM
Yeah.
EMILY (O.S.)
Positive?
JIM
(to himself)
Sweet Jesus.
(To Emily)
I'm absolutely positively sure.
EMILY (O.S.)
Okay sweetheart. Just checking.
JIM
(frustrated)
Yeah I know.
The doorbell rings.
EMILY (O.S.)
I'll get it.
JIM
(to himself)
Naturally.
Jim goes to the window to see who it is. He sees Abbey's car
parked outside.
There is silence. No word from downstairs.
EMILY (O.S.)
Jim, you have a visitor.
There's a knock on the door.
ABBEY (O.S.)
Is it safe?
Jim hesitates for a moment, then he opens the door. We see
that Abbey is dressed in her school uniform: navy blue
sweater and plaid skirt.
JIM
What do you want?
ABBEY
To talk.
JIM
I think you better leave.
ABBEY
I'm not leaving until we talk.
JIM
Listen I've got a long day of
school ahead of me. So I don't need
this right now.
ABBEY
Jim, please.
Jim walks by her, downstairs past Emily, and out of the
house.
EMILY
I'm so sorry dear. I've never seen
him like this.
ABBEY
(sincerely, on the verge
of tears)
I fucked up real bad.
(Notices her foul
language)
Sorry.
Abbey bursts into hysterics. Emily goes over and gives her a
hug.
EMILY
There there. It'll be alright.
He'll come to his senses.
ABBEY
(crying)
No he won't. He shouldn't have to.
I don't deserve him.
FADE TO:
INT. FILMORE PREP CLASSROOM - DAY
Jim sits among rows of empty desks in the classroom. Lawrence
enters.
LAWRENCE
There you are. I've been looking
everywhere for you. Why the fuck
are you in here?
JIM
I'm waiting for class to start.
LAWRENCE
It doesn't start for another half
hour. Why the hell are you sitting
here amongst the air?
JIM
I said I'm waiting for class to
start.
LAWRENCE
So you're just gonna sit her for a
half hour instead of coming
downstairs and eating with us?
Jim nods his head yes.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
Oh yeah, then I'm staying too.
JIM
You don't have to. Go and eat.
LAWRENCE
No. I'm gonna stay here and keep
your miserable ass company.
JIM
I don't need company. I prefer to
be alone.
LAWRENCE
Listen, I know you're all mopey and
shit, so it's my job to turn your
little frown upside down. And I
promise not to rhyme that much.
The teacher MR. BURTON enters the room. He is in his late
forties. He appears very disheveled and sports a cliche tweed
blazer with leather elbow patches.
MR. BURTON
Oh shit did I miss something? Or am
I late?
LAWRENCE
No you're fine. But quite the potty
mouth Mr. B.
MR. BURTON
It's my one vice. So then you guys
are here early because you're real
eager to learn?
LAWRENCE
Um... Not exactly. I mean no
offense.
MR. BURTON
None taken. I guess I really can't
expect any of you to want to learn
about the Pythagorean theorem. Not
very sexy stuff.
LAWRENCE
You see we're hear early because
Jim's girlfriend cheated on him.
JIM
(to Lawrence)
Asshole.
(To Mr. Burton)
Sorry.
MR. BURTON
No worries.
LAWRENCE
(to Jim)
There's no point in lying to the
man.
MR. BURTON
So you're both here early because
Jim's girlfriend cheated on him?
LAWRENCE
In a matter of speaking yes. He's
down in the dumps and doesn't feel
like socializing with any of his
friends so he's sitting here alone
waiting for class to start. And I'm
keeping him company.
MR. BURTON
I'm sorry to hear that Jim.
JIM
Thanks, I guess.
MR. BURTON
How are you holding up, if you
don't mind me asking?
JIM
Not too good.
MR. BURTON
Well that's normal. I've been
through it before.
JIM
So it's supposed to hurt this much?
MR. BURTON
Fuck yeah.
JIM
Does it stop?
MR. BURTON
It'll take some time. I'm not gonna
lie to you, it may even get worse.
My best advice to you is to
distance yourself.
JIM
What do you mean?
MR. BURTON
Get as for away from this girl as
possible. Get her out of your head.
JIM
Well she's not that easy to forget.
LAWRENCE
He's right, you gotta get her out
of your head. Avoid her at all
costs. It's the only fucking way to
get through this.
MR. BURTON
(to Lawrence)
Hey just because I curse doesn't
mean it's alright for you to.
(To Jim)
Listen, I know it'll be tough, but
it's something you have to do if
you want to get over her.
JIM
But I don't really know if I want
to get over her.
LAWRENCE
Dear God I'll pretend that I didn't
hear that.
MR. BURTON
Well if that's the case then it's
all up to you. You love her, or you
hate her. She did a horrible thing.
And now you have to decide whether
or not you're able to look past
that. You've gotta make the
decision no matter how difficult.
As they say, the ball's in your
court.
JIM
Great. I fucking hate basketball.
EXT. JIM KRAMER'S HOUSE - DAY
Jim arrives home from school. He pulls into his driveway. He
gets out and notices Abbey sitting on his porch.
Jim exits the car and approaches the porch.
ABBEY
(softly)
How was school?
He remains silent.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
I know I'm-
Jim walks past her and into the house.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S HOUSE - HALLWAY
EMILY
She's been out there all day.
Jim stops for a moment, then continues upstairs and shuts the
door to his room.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - DAY
He puts his bag on the bed.
He takes his shoes off and undoes his tie.
He pauses and then goes and opens the door.
JIM
(to Emily)
Make sure you bring her some food.
TITLE CARD: "PROVING GROUNDS"
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - DAY
Blimp and Harvard are at their usual table. Lawrence is
getting a coke in the soda machine next to them.
He puts a dollar in the machine but it spits it back out.
He does it again, same result. Now he begins to get agitated.
One more try, same result.
LAWRENCE
Motherfucking machine.
BLIMP
Need some help?
Lawrence turns to him.
LAWRENCE
Please spare me your assistance.
BLIMP
Fine.
Another try, same result.
Blimp pulls out a crisp dollar bill from his wallet and holds
it in the air.
Lawrence turns around and slowly takes the bill from his hand
without saying a word.
He inserts it in the machine. This time it takes. Lawrence
finally gets his coke.
He sits down and slides the twenty five cents change towards
Blimp.
LAWRENCE
(muttering)
Thank you.
BLIMP
Don't mention it.
Harvard laughs.
HARVARD
Bloody priceless.
BLIMP
So that film class I'm taking this
year, big mistake.
HARVARD
Why is that?
BLIMP
I'm really bad at it.
LAWRENCE
At watching movies?
BLIMP
No, I'm really bad at watching
these movies. The "classics".
HARVARD
Classics?
BLIMP
You know "Casablanca", "The
Godfather". The boring ones.
LAWRENCE
Boring? Are you out of your fucking
mind? How dare you blaspheme like
that.
BLIMP
What? I just don't get them.
LAWRENCE
What's not to get about "The
Godfather"? They're Sicilian.
That's pretty much all there is to
it. Hasn't the teacher tried to
simplify these things for you?
BLIMP
He's an idiot. It just makes the
class that much worse.
HARVARD
Who's teaching it?
BLIMP
Nolan.
HARVARD
The bloody coke head.
BLIMP
He's a coke head?
HARVARD
Yep.
LAWRENCE
Big time blow fiend.
BLIMP
Really?
LAWRENCE
You haven't noticed? He's always
sweating and shit.
BLIMP
It's never really been brought to
my attention.
HARVARD
Well tell me this. Does he go into
his office during class?
BLIMP
Yeah I've seen him do that a couple
of times.
LAWRENCE
And afterwards, when he comes out,
does he have the sniffles?
BLIMP
Yeah.
LAWRENCE
So that leads us to believe that he
is riding the white pony in that
office.
BLIMP
Wow. At least now I have something
to look forward to in class today.
He said we're gonna start watching
"Citizen Kane".
LAWRENCE
It was his sled.
BLIMP
What?
Abbey enters the cafeteria.
LAWRENCE
(notices her)
Holy shit.
BLIMP
Who's sled?
ABBEY
Hi guys.
Lawrence starts to notice the boys in the cafeteria are
turning their attention to Abbey.
He quickly moves forward, grabs her arm, and rushes her out
of the cafeteria.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
(to Harvard and Blimp)
Bye guys.
BLIMP
(to Harvard)
Who's sled?
CUT TO:
EXT. FILMORE PREP FRONT LAWN - DAY
LAWRENCE
Are you out of your fucking mind? A
girl that looks like you does not,
I repeat, does not walk into a
cafeteria full of hormonal teenage
boys wearing a plaid skirt and live
to tell about it. You're lucky I
got you out of there before you
were dry humped to death. But then
again I don't like you very much,
so maybe I should have left you
there to be fed to the horny lions.
ABBEY
Thanks for the heads up.
LAWRENCE
What are you doing here?
ABBEY
He won't take any of my calls.
LAWRENCE
And you're surprised why?
ABBEY
I need to talk to him.
LAWRENCE
Don't you understand he wants
nothing to do with you? You ripped
his heart out and shoved in a
freakin' oven. Fucking Sylvia Plath
has nothing on you.
ABBEY
You think I'm happy about what I
did? I hate myself for it.
LAWRENCE
(sarcastic)
Aww poor baby wants her ba-ba.
(Angry)
You crushed that kid.
ABBEY
I know. I need to set things right.
LAWRENCE
How?
ABBEY
I'm going to explain myself to him.
LAWRENCE
Not gonna happen. I won't let you.
ABBEY
Watch me.
Abbey darts into the building.
LAWRENCE
Oh fuck me.
INT. FILMORE PREP STAIRWELL - DAY
Lawrence chases Abbey up the stairs.
LAWRENCE
This is insane.
ABBEY
Geometry or English? Which class is
he in?
LAWRENCE
I'm not telling.
INT. FILMORE PREP HALLWAYS - DAY
Abbey begins looking into the doors of random classrooms.
Lawrence is tailing her, trying not to make a scene.
He takes her by the arm to the end of a row of lockers,
making sure not to be seen.
LAWRENCE
Okay I get it. You're crazy about
him.
But that's no reason to run around
like a chicken with its head cut
off.
ABBEY
I told you I need to find him.
Don't underestimate my
determination.
LAWRENCE
You seem determined, I'll give you
that much. It's actually borderline
annoying.
ABBEY
So are you going to let me see him?
LAWRENCE
No.
ABBEY
Why not?
LAWRENCE
Because I'm his best friend. And if
I'm responsible for giving the girl
who cheated on him an opportunity
to see him, when he sure as hell
doesn't want to see her, it'll stir
up a lot of shit between us that I
don't really want stirred up. So no
is still my final answer.
ABBEY
So if you're not gonna help-
LAWRENCE
I didn't say I wouldn't help.
ABBEY
But you said-
LAWRENCE
I said I won't let you see him.
ABBEY
So then how am I gonna get in touch
with him?
LAWRENCE
Don't worry I'll think of
something. Something quite genius
in fact. It's what I do.
ABBEY
This coming from the guy who
doesn't like me. Why so nice all of
a sudden?
LAWRENCE
I don't know. Call it man's
intuition. I know he loves you, or
at least he did. So the way I see
it, let's see if this thing is
really meant to be and give you a
fighting chance at getting him
back.
ABBEY
I know he's worth fighting for.
LAWRENCE
Well you better come strong because
I can't take his moping anymore.
ABBEY
Yeah sorry, that's kinda my doing.
LAWRENCE
Okay let's just put the apologies
on hold for now, and let's get you
out of here before someone picks up
your scent.
Lawrence and Abbey then covertly sneak out to the stairwell.
TITLE CARD: "DRUG OF CHOICE"
EXT. JIM KRAMER'S HOUSE - DAY
Jim checks the mailbox. It's empty. He enters the house.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S KITCHEN - DAY
Emily is sitting at the kitchen table reading a magazine.
JIM
Why isn't there any mail?
EMILY
I don't know.
JIM
It's always here by the time I come
home from school.
EMILY
(humoring him)
It's very odd.
JIM
Extremely odd.
EMILY
Why are you so concerned about the
mail all of a sudden? Expecting
something important?
JIM
Junk mail, detergent samples,
college acceptance letters; you
know, the usual.
EMILY
Well I'll keep an eye out for the
mailman.
JIM
Thank you.
Jim heads up the stairs.
EMILY
Oh I almost forgot. Something did
come in for you today. I left it on
your bed. She dropped it off this
morning after you left for school.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - DAY
Jim walks in and sees a CD case on his bed. He takes it out
of the case and see that it's a DVD.
CUT TO:
INSERT SHOT: DVD
There is a label on the DVD that reads: "PLEASE WATCH ME".
FADE TO:
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - DAY
Jim sits in front of his TV. He presses play on the remote.
The DVD starts up.
Abbey appears on screen.
ABBEY
Hi. How are you doing? Are you
doing well? I hope you're doing
well. I'm doing fine.
(To herself)
Wow, barely a minute in and I'm
already rambling.
LAWRENCE (O.C.)
Don't worry you're doing fine. Just
keep going. It'll start to come
naturally.
ABBEY
That was Lawrence by the way. Say
hi Lawrence.
LAWRENCE (O.C.)
Hi Lawrence.
ABBEY
This is his genius idea. I know you
don't want to see me right now but
I feel I need to make things clear.
So he figured this is the best
method of communication. And we all
know you can't resist a DVD.
Jim nods in agreement.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
So first thing's first, I slept
with Morris over Christmas break.
And I hate myself for it. I got
real drunk. Sloppy drunk. And it
just happened. See the thing is
Morris and I have a history
together. I know I should've told
you about it, that would have been
the normal thing to do. But I kept
it from you. Honestly I didn't
think it was necessary for you to
know. I thought he was out of my
life for good. That night we first
met at the party, there in his
bedroom, I was putting the final
nail in the coffin. Or at least I
thought so at the time. We were
pretty much over with. I couldn't
take it anymore, so I ended it.
Then you walk into my life and
change everything.
(Extreme sincerity)
I'm so happy when I'm with you.
And I want more of you when we're
apart. You're like this drug I
need, that I can't get enough of.
You're my heroin. No one has ever
made me feel like this before. I
honestly didn't think a guy like
you actually existed. It's
generally known that men pretty
much suck. But not you. You're kick
ass. As it turns out I'm the one
who sucks, big time. I'm a horrible
person. What I did to you is
unforgiveable, without question.
She pauses.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
(on the verge of tears)
I'm never having another drink in
my life. Jim...
Tears begin to stream down her face.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did
this to you. You're so sweet to me.
You're perfect. I love you so-
Jim turns the TV off. He sits their expressionless.
INT. FILMORE PREP HALLWAYS - AFTER SCHOOL
Jim is putting books into his locker. Lawrence arrives.
LAWRENCE
Did you watch it?
JIM
Yep.
LAWRENCE
And what did you think? I mean I
didn't have much to work with, but
I still think the production values
were excellent.
JIM
Idiot.
LAWRENCE
Seriously though, what did you
think?
JIM
It is what it is. It doesn't really
change anything.
LAWRENCE
I'm sorry to hear that.
JIM
So am I.
Jim shuts his locker and walks away.
JIM (CONT'D)
And don't worry, I'm not mad at
you. I know you were only trying to
help.
He walks down the stairs.
FADE OUT.
TITLE CARD: "THREE AND A HALF MONTHS LATER"
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - DAY
Jim, Lawrence, Blimp, and Harvard are dining at their usual
spot.
BLIMP
So has everyone made up their minds
yet?
JIM
Yeah.
LAWRENCE
Same.
HARVARD
Me too.
BLIMP
Well then I guess I'll go first.
I'm going with Northwestern.
JIM
Wow. Good for you man. What did it
for you?
LAWRENCE
The deep dish pizza.
BLIMP
(to Lawrence)
Actually it was the academics jerk.
What about you?
LAWRENCE
Loyola Maryland motherfucker. Rock
and roll all night and party
everyday and not do a stitch of
homework.
BLIMP
No shock there. Jim?
JIM
I wanted to stay somewhat local, so
I decided on Columbia.
LAWRENCE
Way to go sport.
(To Harvard)
Hermione?
BLIMP
Oh come on, like we really have to
ask.
JIM
A blind man can see where he's
going.
HARVARD
Yale.
They're all stunned.
LAWRENCE
You're shitting me.
JIM
That's unbelievable. How are the
parents taking it?
HARVARD
Oh they're in pieces over it.
JIM
I can imagine that they are. I mean
with your name and all.
HARVARD
(angry)
But I don't give a fuck. It's my
future not their's.
They're all stunned again.
LAWRENCE
Look at the pair on Prince Charles
over here.
HARVARD
It feels bloody good to get that
off my back.
LAWRENCE
You look ten pounds lighter.
BLIMP
So this is really happening then.
The next step through the door of
adulthood is just in front of us.
LAWRENCE
Would you go eat something already?
Maybe a tiny horse or something.
And cut that guidance counselor
bull-shit.
JIM
Ease up on him. He's making a lot
of sense. The real world's
knocking. It's time for us to wake
up.
LAWRENCE
And you sound like a fucking
Hallmark card.
HARVARD
What a wanker.
JIM
(to Lawrence)
Tell me you're not gonna miss that.
BLIMP
I'm gonna.
LAWRENCE
I won't miss anything about this
shit hole.
BLIMP
You're not gonna miss us?
Blimp makes a sad puppy dog face.
Lawrence cracks up.
LAWRENCE
(laughing)
God I hate you guys so much.
INT. FILMORE PREP HALLWAYS - AFTER SCHOOL
Jim is cleaning garbage out of his locker. He takes out old
crumpled up papers and tests. He sees a picture of Abbey
buried in the back. This has been there for months. He takes
it out.
CUT TO:
INSERT SHOT: PICTURE
It's a candid shot of Abbey. She's not looking into the
camera, yet she's still as beautiful as can be.
Jim has the picture in his hand. He's thinking something over
long and hard. He puts it back in his locker.
EXT. FILMORE PREP FRONT LAWN - DAY
Jim, Lawrence, and Harvard are on the floor leaning against
the front wall of the building.
LAWRENCE
So I get a call from this girl last
night. She says she wants to get
together this weekend.
HARVARD
But?
LAWRENCE
There's a slight problem.
JIM
You have no idea who the hell she
is do you?
LAWRENCE
Not a fucking clue. I think I met
her at some party. The voice is
familiar, but other than that I'm
drawing a blank.
HARVARD
Why don't you just ask her who she
is?
LAWRENCE
Because I don't want to come off as
some sort of prick who meets girls
and doesn't remember their names or
what they look like.
JIM
So what did you tell her?
LAWRENCE
That we should definitely get
together this weekend.
JIM
Naturally.
HARVARD
So you'd rather go out with a girl
who you don't remember, or may not
even know, just for the chance of
getting off with her?
LAWRENCE
You've known me for the past four
years. Do you honestly expect
anything more from me? Especially
when it comes to chicks. I mean
come on, you know I have what they
call a one track mind. A track that
leads directly to their tunnel.
HARVARD
You're right I should've remembered
which head you bloody think with.
LAWRENCE
Yeah it's the big one. If you know
what I mean?
JIM
I think I might actually miss the
sexual innuendo.
LAWRENCE
You know you will.
Brief pause.
HARVARD
(to Jim)
So how have you been?
JIM
Alright. I guess.
HARVARD
You seem a tad different.
JIM
I don't know, I kinda feel a little
empty. Like I'm missing something.
HARVARD
Or someone.
LAWRENCE
He's right. You miss her don't you?
JIM
Of course I do. I can't lie. I
loved the girl. I guess I'm just in
the withdrawal phase right now.
It's like when smokers try and quit
cold turkey. I'm gonna start
getting the nicotine shakes soon.
HARVARD
You think you'll ever get over her?
JIM
I don't know. Up until all this
shit happened, being with her was
the best. It was a great time.
LAWRENCE
But the she fucked you over
royally.
HARVARD
Did you ever find out why she did
it? Why she slept with that sodding
moron?
JIM
She said she was drunk. So that
resulted in some impaired
judgement.
LAWRENCE
But that doesn't change the fact
that she did it. Plus, she still
lied to you about going away over
the break. She wasn't drunk then.
That means she obviously had bad
intentions. Cruel intentions in
fact. So there must have been a
reason for her to do what she did.
JIM
And if there is then I'm not sure
if I really want to know.
LAWRENCE
Yes you do want to know. The girl
broke your heart. Trust me, you're
gonna want some fucking closure.
JIM
Well we'll see. Maybe this is our
destiny or something. I don't know.
LAWRENCE
This isn't "Star Wars".
HARVARD
But what if your destiny is to be
together with her and this is all
just a test? Have you given that
any thought?
JIM
If that's the case, then maybe fate
will rear it's head and bring us
together.
TITLE CARD: "FUNNY FATE"
INT. BOOK STORE - NIGHT
Jim and Richard enter the store.
RICHARD
I shouldn't be that long. Do you
need to get anything?
JIM
No. I'm just gonna look around.
RICHARD
Then I'll meet you back here in
twenty minutes.
JIM
Okay.
INT. BOOK STORE - MAGAZINE AISLE
Jim looks around. Flips through a few magazines. He doesn't
find anything that he likes.
INT. BOOK STORE - CD / DVD SECTION
Jim looks through the many racks of CD's and DVD's but finds
nothing.
INT. BOOK STORE - FICTION AISLE
Jim looks through the shelves, taking out books here and
there.
Then a voice is heard.
ABBEY (O.S.)
Jim?
Jim immediately stops what he's doing.
He turns to see Abbey standing at the far end of the aisle.
There is a great space between them.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
Hi.
Jim doesn't answer back.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
How are you doing?
JIM
How do you think I'm doing?
ABBEY
I hope that you're probably doing
better. But I guess that's not the
case.
JIM
You guess right.
ABBEY
Well I've been miserable too. I'm
not the same.
JIM
That effects me how? What am I
supposed to say about that?
ABBEY
Nothing. I'm responsible for all
this. I can't even begin to explain
how sorry I am.
JIM
(angry)
Stop telling me how sorry you are.
ABBEY
What else am I supposed to say Jim?
Shit happens? I brought this on, so
I'm owning up. And saying sorry is
the very least I can do.
There is a brief pause.
JIM
Why did you do it?
ABBEY
(thinks it over first)
Because I was scared.
JIM
Scared of what?
ABBEY
Of how great things were. I wasn't
used to it. Guys I've been with
always turned out to be shit.
Terrible things ended those
relationships. I assumed that
nature would eventually take its
course with us. So this time I
thought I'd preempt the bad with
something worse. I drove myself
back to Morris. I let it get out of
control and now we're here. To put
it simply...
(She pauses)
I'm an idiot. I thought you would
end up hurting me. But you're not
that kind of guy. You're something
else. Something real special. And
I'm in love with you.
Jim remains silent. He backs out of the aisle.
JIM
I gotta go meet my dad.
Tears fill Abbey's eyes.
CUT TO:
EXT. BOOK STORE - NIGHT
Jim comes out the front door walking passed Richard.
RICHARD
Hey slow down. I saw Abbey in
there. I wonder how she's doing.
JIM
Miserable.
INT. FILMORE PREP HALLWAYS - AFTER SCHOOL
Jim is taking books out of his locker. Mr. Burton passes
behind him.
MR. BURTON
Mr. Kramer, have a nice weekend.
JIM
Actually Mr. Burton, I've been
meaning to talk to you today. Do
you have a second?
MR. BURTON
Um, I actually have several
seconds. Let's talk in my office.
INT. MR. BURTON'S OFFICE
It looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb filled with
papers in the middle of the unbelievably small office.
Mr. Burton sits at his desk.
MR. BURTON
Pull up a chair.
JIM
I can't stay long, I'm actually on
my way out.
MR. BURTON
So what's on your mind?
JIM
(hesitates)
I'll be blunt. Did you ever get
back together with that woman, the
one who cheated on you?
MR. BURTON
That's a little-
JIM
-I'm sorry. That's a little too
personal. I apologize.
MR. BURTON
No need to apologize really. You
just caught me a bit off guard
that's all.
JIM
Sorry it was a bit of a sneak
attack.
MR. BURTON
So what's bringing about this sort
of questioning? It seems a bit out
of left field.
JIM
Well I just ran into this girl
recently.
MR. BURTON
The one who cheated on you?
JIM
Yep. Three and a half months with
no contact and she just appears in
the fiction aisle of "Barnes and
Noble".
MR. BURTON
Three and a half months? I did not
last that long.
JIM
So you got back together with her?
MR. BURTON
For a little bit, yes. But it
ultimately didn't work out. I guess
it was one of those things that
just wasn't meant to be.
JIM
Oh.
MR. BURTON
I don't if that helps but it's all
I got.
JIM
I don't know if any definitive
answer is gonna help right now.
She's back in the bloodstream. It's
kind of a problem.
MR. BURTON
A piece of advice that I can give,
you'll know when the time is right
to ultimately make that decision.
It'll just hit you. It hit me, it
hits everyone. You'll know when the
time is right.
JIM
Then I'll make sure to keep
checking my watch.
FADE OUT.
TITLE CARD: "GETTIN' LUCKY ON PROM NIGHT"
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - AFTER SCHOOL
Jim, Lawrence, and Harvard are relaxing at their usual spot.
LAWRENCE
Only one more week and this will
all be over.
HARVARD
Does this make you sad?
LAWRENCE
If by sad you mean orgasmically
happy, then yes, I'm extremely sad.
JIM
(sarcastic)
Definitely gonna miss the sarcasm.
Blimp enters and sits down.
BLIMP
My money's in and I'm set for
tonight boys.
JIM
For what?
BLIMP
Prom. Duh.
Jim and Lawrence both make gagging and vomiting noises.
HARVARD
So I take it you two chaps aren't
going.
LAWRENCE
Not even if you fucking paid me.
BLIMP
Is there a reason why?
JIM
Put it this way, I hate about
ninety-four percent of the kids at
this school. Why would I want to go
to a party with them?
BLIMP
Because it's fun.
LAWRENCE
Bad music. Bad food. Not to mention
everyone's annoying dates. That
sounds like the farthest thing from
fun. A total waste of my valuable
time and money.
JIM
Amen sister.
BLIMP
And you guys have better things to
do tonight?
LAWRENCE
Fuck yes. Remember the girl whose
name I don't know?
JIM
Mulva?
LAWRENCE
We're gonna have us a little date
action tonight. Maybe even a little
touchy feely action if I play my
cards right. And then if she falls
asleep-
BLIMP
-Oh god.
LAWRENCE
I'm gonna go through her wallet and
look for her driver's licence.
HARVARD
(sarcastic)
Bloody genius that is.
BLIMP
(to Jim)
And what about you?
JIM
I'm gonna stay home and watch a
movie.
BLIMP
(sarcastic)
That sounds like a wild time.
Mothers lock up your daughters, Jim
Kramer is on the prowl tonight.
JIM
But I didn't tell you what movie.
BLIMP
Go ahead.
JIM
I'm gonna be watching a little film
called "Boogie Nights".
BLIMP
So.
LAWRENCE
You're an idiot.
HARVARD
I agree.
BLIMP
Hey not cool. I didn't see it, give
me a break.
LAWRENCE
(commanding)
I suggest that you see it
immediately.
BLIMP
Well I can't because I'm gonna be
to busy going to the prom.
Lawrence bites his tongue, literally.
JIM
May I ask a simple question?
BLIMP
Yeah.
JIM
Who exactly are you going with
tonight?
BLIMP
(hesitates)
She's just this girl I know.
LAWRENCE
But who is she? Do we know her?
BLIMP
(bumbling)
She's no one. She's just this girl.
LAWRENCE
Just tell us who she is.
BLIMP
No because it doesn't matter.
JIM
Please.
HARVARD
Come on.
BLIMP
I don't think so.
LAWRENCE
Alright listen, I'm gonna lay it
out real nice for you. You're not
leaving this cafeteria until you
tell us who your date is tonight.
Plain and fucking simple.
BLIMP
You can't make me.
LAWRENCE
Can and will.
JIM
Just tell us.
HARVARD
We promise we won't laugh or make a
big deal.
Blimp thinks it over.
BLIMP
Fine. I'm going with my cousin
Melissa.
JIM
(trying to hold the
laughter in)
Oh that's cool.
Jim, Lawrence, and Harvard all look at each other. They can't
hold it in.
The three of them erupt in laughter.
Lawrence falls out of his chair laughing.
LAWRENCE
(laughing)
Oh my god it hurts so much!
BLIMP
You guys suck something fierce.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
Jim pours a glass of soda.
He grabs a box of Raisinets from the cabinet and heads
upstairs.
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jim is laying in bed. The movie is playing.
He's eating his Raisinets one by one. Some time passes.
He stops and looks at the box. He studies it. He's reminded
of something.
CUT TO:
INSERT SHOT: RAISINETS BOX
FADE TO:
TITLE CARD: "THE FIFTH DATE"
INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT
Jim and Abbey are sitting waiting for the movie to start.
ABBEY
Don't you just love going to the
movies?
JIM
I do.
ABBEY
It's just something about it, you
know? That moment after the lights
go down, and the half hour of
previews are over, right before the
actual movie is about to start. In
that one moment I don't have a care
in the world. Because I know that
for the next hour and a half,
nothing outside of this dark room
matters. Regardless of what's going
on in my life, seeing a movie
blocks it out.
JIM
I couldn't agree with you more.
ABBEY
You know what else is great about
going to the movies?
JIM
What?
ABBEY
The snacks.
JIM
So I take it you're hungry.
ABBEY
Well now that you mentioned it and
since you're gonna offer, because
you're such a caring little boy, I
could actually go for something to
eat.
JIM
I am very caring. Now do you want
anything special?
ABBEY
Surprise me.
JIM
Okay. If I'm not back in ten
minutes-
ABBEY
-just wait longer.
JIM
That's my girl.
INT. MOVIE THEATER CONCESSION STAND
Jim is waiting on line. He glances to his left and sees a
couple sitting on a bench. The guy has his arm around the
girl. The two of them are sharing a box of Raisinets. He
knows that this is the kind of love that he wants in life.
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE THEATER
Jim returns to his seat.
ABBEY
Yay! He's back. And he brought
snacks. What more can a girl ask
for. So what did you get?
JIM
Popcorn.
ABBEY
And?
Jim removes a box from his pocket.
JIM
Raisinets.
ABBEY
Oh marry me!
JIM
I knew you'd like that.
ABBEY
Like? Try love.
JIM
I know, I'm good. Maybe even too
good sometimes. But I never let it
go to my head.
ABBEY
It's always good to stay grounded
with us little people.
She kisses him on the cheek.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
Thank you.
JIM
Don't mention it.
FADE TO:
TWO SHOT: JIM AND ABBEY
The movie has started.
Jim and Abbey are watching attentively while eating their
food.
Abbey passes Jim the Raisinets and shifts in her seat. She
lifts up the arm rest in between the two of them.
She moves closer to Jim, takes his arm and puts it around
her. She takes some Raisinets from the box in Jim's hand.
Jim smiles. To him this is a perfect moment.
BACK TO:
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - PRESENT
Jim is laying on his back staring at the ceiling. He turns on
his side and sees Abbey sleeping next to him. She's the most
beautiful girl that he's ever seen.
It's all in his head.
Jim turns back on his side.
JIM
(to himself)
What the hell am I doing?
(Louder)
What the hell am I doing? I fucking
love this girl. And I'm definitely
talking to myself.
Jim springs from bed and grabs his phone. He calls Abbey.
The phone rings and rings but she doesn't answer.
JIM (CONT'D)
Shit.
He dials the phone again. This time he calls her house.
JIM (CONT'D)
Mr. Harris, hi it's Jim. Is Abbey
there?
MR. HARRIS
(on the phone)
No Jim she's not.
JIM
Do you know where she is?
MR. HARRIS
She's at the prom.
JIM
The Fillmore prom?
MR. HARRIS
No. Her school's prom is tonight
too.
JIM
Oh...right. Can you tell me where
it is?
MR. HARRIS
Of course. Do you have a pen and
paper?
CUT TO:
INT. JIM KRAMER'S CAR (MOVING)
Jim frantically speeds down the highway.
His phone rings.
JIM
Hello?
LAWRENCE
(on the phone)
What's going on?
JIM
I love her!
LAWRENCE
What? Where are you?
JIM
I'm going to the prom.
LAWRENCE
What?
JIM
Not ours, hers.
LAWRENCE
Are you fucking sure about this?
JIM
As sure as I've ever been about
anything in my entire life. The
Raisinets were a sign.
LAWRENCE
What in God's name are you talking
about?
JIM
Trust me, it'll make perfect sense
when I explain it to you.
LAWRENCE
Alright just shut the hell up and
go get the damn girl.
EXT. CATERING HALL - NIGHT
He pulls up to the prom and leaves his car in front of the
building and runs inside.
CUT TO:
INT. PROM - NIGHT
There's loud music playing. Many of the kids are up dancing
with their dates.
Abbey and her friend VANESSA, 18, are sitting at their table,
which is empty.
ABBEY
Remind me why I'm here again.
VANESSA
You're here because it's prom. And
prom is a right of passage for us
girls. It's practically required.
ABBEY
But does it matter that we're not
having any fun?
VANESSA
No. It just matters that we're
here. So we get credit for it
amongst the sisterhood.
ABBEY
I would rather be home right now.
VANESSA
It'll be over soon. But maybe if
you try to have some fun it'll go
by a lot quicker.
ABBEY
I don't think that's gonna happen.
This is all just too depressing for
me. I mean I actually think I'm the
only one here without a date. It's
so sad.
VANESSA
Oh don't worry about it.
(Looking around)
It'll all be over-
(Stunned)
Oh my God!
Vanessa notices Jim standing in the entrance of the room.
ABBEY
What?
VANESSA
Oh my God!
ABBEY
What is it?
VANESSA
(happy)
Oh my God!
Vanessa points her in the direction of the doorway.
VANESSA (CONT'D)
Look.
Abbey see Jim.
ABBEY
(stunned)
Oh my God!
Jim frantically motions for her to come to the doorway.
VANESSA
Go get him.
Abbey becomes filled with joy. She darts out of her chair and
goes to him.
They embrace.
ABBEY
(happy)
What are you doing here?
JIM
I came to give you something.
He kisses her passionately.
ABBEY
(laughing)
Oh man that was so corny!
They both laugh.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
But I loved it.
She kisses him back.
JIM
Do you want to get out of here?
ABBEY
Um, let me think.
(Quickly)
Yes.
She waves goodbye to Vanessa.
VANESSA
(shouting)
Have fun you two!
FADE TO:
EXT. PARK / BASEBALL FIELD - NIGHT
Jim and Abbey are slow dancing in front of Jim's car. The
headlights are on. The windows are rolled down.
"Blackout" by Muse is playing on the radio.
Abbey's head is resting on Jim's shoulder as they dance.
JIM
Is this a dream?
ABBEY
I hope not. It's too perfect.
JIM
That's what scares me. Something
this good always ends with my mom
waking me up.
Abbey pinches Jim's arm.
JIM (CONT'D)
Oww!
ABBEY
(giggling)
No you know you're awake.
JIM
You're unbelievable.
There is silence.
ABBEY
(softly/sincerely)
I'm so sorry.
JIM
I know.
She lifts her head off his shoulder and looks him dead in the
eyes.
ABBEY
No you don't. You haven't the
slightest clue. What I did was so
wrong. So stupid. I'm such a
horrible person.
JIM
You're not horrible. You're
wonderful.
You just made a real bad decision.
But I can see that you're sorry.
ABBEY
I'm beyond sorry. If there was a
word more meaningful than sorry, it
still wouldn't be enough to
describe how I feel.
JIM
I believe you.
ABBEY
I was a wreck without you. I had
those nights where I would cry
myself to sleep.
JIM
I wasn't doing so good either. I
did the best I could to get by, but
it just wasn't the same without
you.
ABBEY
Aww.
JIM
It's the truth.
ABBEY
Can I ask you something?
JIM
Sure.
ABBEY
What made you change your mind?
JIM
Well I'll answer your question with
one of my own. Do you love me?
ABBEY
Totally and completely, yes.
JIM
Okay. Well I believe in love. I
believe it's something that's so
strong, so iron clad, it can't be
broken. But, it can get knocked
around a bit and this whole thing
knocked it around a hell of a lot.
But our love for each other remains
intact.
So that's why I'm here now, because
I'm in love with you little lady.
ABBEY
You're so good to me. I don't
deserve you. Not after what I did.
JIM
Let's agree on something. From this
moment on we only talk about the
here and now. We only discuss
what's going to happen in the
future, and forget about what
already happened in the past.
Agreed?
ABBEY
I love the way you think.
FADE OUT.
TITLE CARD: "EXECUTION DAY"
INT. JIM KRAMER'S KITCHEN - MORNING
Richard and Emily are at the table eating breakfast. Jim
enters.
EMILY
Good morning sunshine.
JIM
Morning.
RICHARD
Big day today.
JIM
I guess.
EMILY
My little boy's graduating.
JIM
It's no big deal.
RICHARD
Of course it is. How many times do
you get to graduate from high
school?
JIM
Alright fine, it's important.
EMILY
So you better hurry up and get
dressed. We don't want to be late.
RICHARD
(to Emily)
What time are we gonna be meeting
Abbey?
JIM
When did you talk to her?
EMILY
She called while you were sleeping.
JIM
Really?
EMILY
Yes. Is that a problem?
JIM
(hesitates)
Problem? No. Of course not. Why
would that be a problem? You guys
talked, no big deal.
INT. FILMORE PREP CAFETERIA - DAY
All of the seniors are gathered in the cafeteria. They are
dressed in their graduation day attire. This consists of a
white blazer, white dress shirt, black pants, and a maroon
bow tie.
Jim, Lawrence, Harvard, and Blimp are at their spot for the
final time.
LAWRENCE
It's so fucking hot in here.
BLIMP
Gee, where have I heard that
before?
LAWRENCE
Shut up.
HARVARD
(looking around)
So it's finally here. The end of
days at Filmore.
LAWRENCE
Are you gonna cry about it?
JIM
Come on, it is kinda sad. Despite
how much we hated this place. Or
how much we think we hated this
place. I guess that's how teenagers
are programmed to think. High
school equals bad. I guess that's
just the way it is. But you have to
admit, we did have some good times
here.
HARVARD
I agree.
LAWRENCE
Whatever.
BLIMP
Remember that time when I snorted
that line of salt.
LAWRENCE
And your left eye turned bloodshot.
HARVARD
That was bloody classic.
JIM
See at least there was one good
moment. One where we can all laugh
at another's misfortune.
BLIMP
I know I'm gonna miss this.
HARVARD
The fab four will be no more.
BLIMP
Sucks so much.
LAWRENCE
(to Jim)
Speaking of things that suck, is
Yoko coming today?
JIM
Hey she doesn't suck.
LAWRENCE
Well whatever floats your boat. You
know we still don't like what she
did to you.
JIM
I know. I don't like what she did
either. But I love the girl, so
that's the deal.
HARVARD
I can accept that.
BLIMP
Me too. Love is a strange mistress.
HARVARD
What?
Lawrence doesn't answer.
JIM
(to Lawrence)
Cat got your tongue?
LAWRENCE
No. I just like making you sweat.
BLIMP
But no one sweats as much as you.
LAWRENCE
(sarcastic)
I'm really gonna miss you, with all
my heart.
JIM
Ah a little sarcasm for old time's
sake. I love it.
FADE TO:
EXT. FILMORE PREP FRONT LAWN - DAY
The graduation ceremony is over. All of the students are
scattered on the lawn exchanging pleasantries with their
friends and family.
LAWRENCE
God that did not want to end. I
mean give me the diploma and shake
my fucking hand already.
BLIMP
What's the matter, a little too
long for you?
LAWRENCE
Try a lot.
Abbey sneaks up behind Jim and gives him a hug.
ABBEY
Oh my God, you guys all look like
waiters.
JIM
Then allow me to take your order.
ABBEY
Um let's see, I think I'll take a
kiss with a side of fries.
Jim kisses her.
LAWRENCE
Oh here comes the vomit.
ABBEY
Hi Lawrence. You look a little hot.
LAWRENCE
Jim, control your woman.
JIM
I can't. She's too much of a free
spirit.
ABBEY
Hey let me get a picture of you
guys.
Jim, Lawrence, Harvard, and Blimp gather together for a
picture.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
Say cheese.
They all shout in unison.
ALL
No!
FADE TO:
INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - DAY
OVERHEAD TWO SHOT: JIM AND ABBEY
Jim and Abbey are laying in bed.
JIM
What a day.
ABBEY
What a year.
JIM
(upset)
Oh man.
ABBEY
What?
JIM
I forgot to thank Lawrence today.
Actually, I forgot to thank him all
year.
ABBEY
For what?
JIM
For dragging me to that party. It
turns out that was a pretty good
idea.
ABBEY
I should probably thank him too.
Abbey kisses him on the cheek.
ABBEY (CONT'D)
Again and again and again.
Jim stares at the ceiling. Abbey rests her head on his
shoulder and closes her eyes. As time passes Jim's face
becomes painted with an expression of regret.
FADE TO BLACK.
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