GREAT IDEAS

GREAT IDEAS

Written

Bede Jermyn & Todd Yates

INT. COMPUTER ROOM - DAY

TOM and BEN are sitting in front of a computer, deep in thought. The computer screen is blank. The two of them continue to stare, until Ben falls asleep. Tom slaps him awake.

BEN

What!?

Tom points to the computer screen and the two begin to stare again.

BEN

This sucks.

TOM

It's a screenplay in progress. Of course it's going to suck to begin with.

Beat.

TOM

(impatient)

Oh, we just can't think of anything.

BEN

(sly)

Maybe we can.

TOM

(sly)

Really?

BEN

(sly)

Yes.

TOM

(sly)

Tell me more pray.

BEN

Okay. I got one. A cyborg is sent back through time to kill the mother of his future enemy.

START OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 1

FADE IN

EXT. HOUSE - DAY

A knuckled hand reaches up and knocks on the door of the house. A WOMAN appears and opens the door a little. Through the crack in the door, a MAN wearing sunglasses and a black leather jacket stares back at her.

MAN

(Austrian accent)

Sarah Connor?

WOMAN

Ummm. No.

MAN

My mistake.

The Man turns around and walks a little way from the door, before stopping to look at a piece of ripped out phone page. He turns around and walks toward the door again.

INT. HOUSE - DAY

The Woman looks out the window and sees the man coming towards the house. She cowers in terror. There is a knock at the door once more.

MAN (O.S.)

Sarah Connor?

The terrified Woman crawls away from the door and heads into the bedroom. She emerges with a shotgun and looks out the window once more. The Man is walking away. The Woman collapses with a sigh of relief. Suddenly there is another knock at the door.

MAN (O.S.)

(high pitched Austrian accent)

Jehovah's witnesses.

WOMAN

Oh, thank Jehovah.

She stands up and begins to open the door, when suddenly it breaks inward, sending her flying across the room. The Man walks into the house and stands over the helpless Woman. He reaches out his hand.

MAN

Come with me if you want to live, live, live, live.

The Man reaches up and hits himself over the head.

MAN

I'm back.

The Woman climbs to her feet and cocks the shotgun.

WOMAN

Back off MOTHER FUCKER!!!!

The Woman pulls the trigger and nothing happens. The man raises his gun. With no other option, the Woman reverses the shotgun and hits him in the balls.

MAN

OW! My cybernetic nuts.

The Man falls over and the Woman stands there triumphantly doing a Rocky-like victory poses.

FADE OUT

END OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 1

INT. COMPUTER ROOM - DAY

Ben has a smile on his face.

BEN

Well, what do you think?

TOM

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever seen The Terminator?

BEN

(thinking)

Mmmmmmmm, no.

TOM

Rent it out some time. Good flick.

BEN

So we're not going to try that one?

TOM

No.

BEN

Okay. But I do have another one.

TOM

(sly)

Really?

BEN

(sly)

Yes.

TOM

(sly)

Tell me more pray.

BEN

Okay. A geeky software developer is contacted by a master hacker, who tells him that the world he's living in is not the real world, but rather a computer generated dream world created by computers in the real, real world.

START OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 2

FADE IN

INT. OFFICE CUBICLE - DAY

A GEEK is sitting in front of a computer screen typing furiously. He is dressed in black clothing with a black overcoat, and he is wearing black sunglasses. We cannot see the monitor, but the Geek continues to type furiously. A DELIVERY MAN appears with a package.

DELIVERY MAN

Thomas Anderson?

The Geek jumps up from his chair and starts doing martial arts moves.

The Delivery Man stands there looking on.

The Geek continues doing his martial art tricks, then he stops. He sits back in his chair and looks up at the Delivery Man.

THE GEEK

Yeah, that's me.

The Delivery Man hands him a package and a clipboard.

DELIVERY MAN

Okay. Please sign here, and here, and here, initial here and here, girlfriend's number here, PIN number here, and credit card number here.

The Geek signs the form appropriately and the Delivery Man turns to walk away. The Geek is thinking about something.

DELIVERY MAN

(to himself)

...PIN number here, and credit card number here.

The Geek returns his thoughts to the present and looks at the departing Delivery Man.

THE GEEK

Hey, wait a minute!

The Delivery Man stops.

THE GEEK

What about my insurance number?

The Delivery Man comes back.

DELIVERY MAN

Oh yeah...Insurance number here.

The Geek signs the form.

DELIVERY MAN

Thank you. Goodbye, Mr. Anderson.

The Delivery Man walks away. The Geek picks up the package and opens it up. A dirty shoe falls into his hand. Instantly it begins to ring. The Geek stands up and puts the shoe to his ear.

THE GEEK

Hello?

The shoe continues to ring. The Geek shakes it and a small cell phone falls onto the floor.

THE GEEK

Whoa.

The Geek picks up the phone and answers it.

THE GEEK

Hello?

THE VOICE (O.S.)

Hello Neon, do you know who this is?

THE GEEK

Morpheus!!

THE VOICE (O.S.)

No, you moron. My name is Marpheass. I had to revoke my proper name due to copyright issues. You will be called Neon...due, also, to copyright issues.

THE GEEK

Whoa.

THE VOICE (O.S.)

They're coming for you Neon. They're coming and I don't know what they're going to do.

THE GEEK

Who's coming?

THE VOICE (O.S.)

Stand up and see for yourself.

THE GEEK

But I'm already standing up.

THE VOICE (O.S.)

Then...Sit down, and then stand back up again.

THE GEEK

What? Right now?

THE VOICE (O.S.)

Yes. Do it slowly.

The Geek sits back on his chair then stands back up.

THE VOICE (O.S.)

The elevator.

THE GEEK

What elevator?

THE VOICE (O.S.)

The elevator that does not exist.

THE GEEK

What are talking about, Marpheass, what is happening to me?

THE VOICE (O.S.)

I'll give it to you straight Neon. The world you're living in is not the real world, but rather a computer generated dream world built by computers in the real, real world.

THE GEEK

Whoa. So where are you?

THE VOICE (O.S.)

Right beside you.

The Geek turns to find Marpheass standing right beside him. He gives a cry of surprise.

MARPHEASS

Come Neon. No one can be told what I'm about to show you. You have to see it for yourself.

THE GEEK

Wait a minute. Aren't you supposed to be black?

Marpheass looks at himself. He has white skin.

MARPHEASS

I am black.

THE GEEK

But you have white skin.

MARPHEASS

I know, but I'm using the same skin bleach product as Michael Jackson.

THE GEEK

Why?

MARPHEASS

So Agent Smith and his men can't find me. Dumbass.

THE GEEK

Whoa.

MARPHEASS

(cont.)

Now, I'll tell you more of what is going on. But first you must come with me.

THE GEEK

What? Right now?

MARPHEASS

Yes, now.

THE GEEK

But I have a Dungeons and Dragons game in an hour.

MARPHEASS

Oh Neon, you're such a geek. I see we have a lot of work to do.

FADE OUT

END OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 2

INT. COMPUTER ROOM - DAY

BEN

...and there's some shocking twists, slow-motion bullets and fighting. And how about this for a title: "The Mad Tricks".

TOM

(slaps himself)

Oh My God...

BEN

Been done already?

TOM

Yeah. Any more great ideas, Spielberg?

BEN

Well actually...Here's one. It's about a kid who has an extra sense...

START OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 3

FADE IN

EXT. STREET - DAY

A MOTHER and her SON are sitting in a car. The Mother glances over to the Son who sits in his seat silently.

MOTHER

You're very quiet.

(beat)

You're mad I missed the Academy Awards, aren't you?

The Son shakes his head, "No."

MOTHER

I had to give two blow jobs, a bondage session, let some black guy fuck me up the ass, and go down on a girl. You know how important these things are for us.

The Mother touches herself in a sexual manner.

MOTHER

I'd give anything to have been there to see you lose the Best Supporting Actor Oscar to Michael Caine, that British bastard!

(she looks out her window)

I wonder what the hold-up is.

EXT. STREET - DAY

We see that their car is the only one on the street.

INT. CAR - DAY

The Son looks up at his Mother.

SON

I'm ready to communicate with you now.

MOTHER

(disgusted)

You know I'm not going to do that with you. You're my son.

SON

I said "communicate".

MOTHER

Oh. Communicate?

SON

Tell you my secrets.

MOTHER

What is it? You're really a robot?

SON

Yes, but besides that. You know that nightclub up there?

MOTHER

(smugly)

Yeah. Of course I do.

SON

Someone got "off".

MOTHER

"Off"?

The Son makes a rude gesture.

MOTHER

Oh. They did? Who?

SON

A man. He's gay.

MOTHER

Oh my God! You can see him?

The Mother tries to look for the man.

SON

Yes.

MOTHER

Where is he?

SON

Standing next to my window.

The GAY MAN is now visible outside the Son's window; The Gay Man makes sexual gestures at him. The Son looks at him and then looks away with a frightened expression.

The Mother gives her son a dubious look.

SON

What are you thinking Momma? You think I'm a freak?

MOTHER

Look at my face...Well yes I do think you're a freak.

The Mother returns her gaze out the window once more.

SON

Grandma says hi.

The Mother gives a sharp look at her son.

SON

She says she's sorry for taking your dildo. She likes it a lot.

MOTHER

What?

SON

Grandma comes to visit me sometimes.

MOTHER

Son, that's wrong. Grandma's gone. I should know, I killed her.

SON

I know. She wanted me to tell you-

MOTHER

Son, that's it! Open your mouth!

The Son does so. The Mother pulls a gun out and sticks it in his mouth.

FADE OUT

END OD MOVIE SEQUENCE 3.

INT. COMPUTER ROOM - DAY

TOM

No, no, no, no, no. That's The Sixth Sense. Where are these fucking ideas coming from?

BEN

Okay, okay. How about we just do a slasher flick. I got a great idea...

START OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 4.

FADE IN

INT. HOUSE KITCHEN - NIGHT

A young teenage GIRL is preparing a meal, when suddenly the phone rings. The Girl screams and picks up the phone.

GIRL

(normal voice)

Hello?

THE VOICE (O.S.)

Hello Neon. I was wondering if you would like to know more about "The Mad Tricks".

GIRL

Who's Neon?

THE VOICE (O.S.)

Oh. I'm sorry; I must have the wrong number. Excuse me.

The Girl hangs up and puts the phone back down on the table. Suddenly the phone rings again and the Girl lets out another scream. She picks it up.

GIRL

(pleasantly)

Hello?

(terrified)

Who is this? What do you want from me! Leave me alone you psycho!!

She hangs up.

GIRL

Hmmm. No one there.

The Girl goes back to preparing her meal.

THE OTHER VOICE (O.S.)

Hello Sarah.

The Girl turns around and comes face-to-face with GHOSTFACE. She screams loudly, scaring the shit of Ghostface. He screams and runs away. The Girl chases after him. After a Scooby-Doo style chase sequence, they come to the front door, where THE TERMINATOR stands ready with his gun. Ghostface drops to the floor and the Girl stops dead in her tracks.

THE TERMINATOR

Sarah Connor?

GIRL

Yes.

The Terminator cocks his gun and blows the Girl away. Ghostface stands up and pats the Terminator on the shoulder.

GHOSTFACE

Thanks man. Wanna go grab a bite to eat?

THE TERMINATOR

Sure, why not?

The two of them walk off. They walk past a young boy who stares at them.

BOY

I see gay people.

Ghostface pulls out his knife and stabs the boy. The Terminator stares at him.

GHOSTFACE

What? He called me gay. Go figure.

FADE OUT

END OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 4.

INT. COMPUTER ROOM - DAY

Tom is shaking his head. Ben sits in a triumphant stance with a smile on his face. He looks at Tom with a victorious smirk.

TOM

Lord, why me?

BEN

Okay. How about dinosaurs?

START OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 5.

FLASH CUT TO:

EXT. FIELD - DAY

A Man is standing in a field.

VOICE (O.S.)

Dr. Grant, look out!

The man looks up and lets out a scream just as a dinosaur steps on him.

END OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 5

FLASH CUT TO:

INT. COMPUTER ROOM - DAY

TOM

No.

BEN

How about a retarded guy sitting on a bench, talking about life.

START OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 6

FLASH CUT TO:

EXT. PARK - DAY

A RETARD sits on a park bench eating chocolates. Another MAN is next to him.

RETARD

(Southern accent)

Mama always said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna-

Before he can finish, the Man sitting next to him punches him in the face.

END OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 6

FLASH CUT TO

INT. COMPUTER ROOM - DAY

TOM

(impatient)

NO.

BEN

How about three kids lost in the woods, being chased by a witch?

START OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 7

FLASH CUT TO:

EXT. FOREST - DAY

A series of images plays of three kids (one holding the camera) running around and screaming their heads off.

END OF MOVIE SEQUENCE 7

FLASH CUT TO:

INT. COMPUTER ROOM - DAY

TOM

(screaming)

NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOO!

Tom drops to his knees, curls up into a ball and starts talking to himself.

BEN

Tom, you alright?

TOM

(getting up)

Yeah, I'm fine.

BEN

Hey, why don't we leave this until tomorrow? Let's go get a bite to eat or something and forget about making a movie. Okay.

TOM

Yeah sure. Let's go.

The two boys pack up and walk out the front door.

EXT. BEN'S HOUSE - DAY

Tom and Ben walk outside and stop dead in their tracks. They stare straight at the camera with shocked expressions. They walk towards us and knock on the lens.

TOM

Dude, we're inside a television set.

BEN

Yeah, and those people are watching us.

TOM

You know, they kinda look like us.

INT. BEDE JERMYN'S LOUNGE ROOM - DAY

BEDE JERMYN and TODD YATES sit comfortably on a lounge, watching the TV. Tom and Ben are visible on the screen. Bede Jermyn looks at Todd Yates.

BEDE JERMYN

This movie sucks, Todd.

TODD YATES

Yeah Bede, it could have been better. Where's the remote, turn it off.

ANGLE ON TV SCREEN:

Tom and Ben begin screaming at Bede Jermyn and Todd Yates, pleading for them not to turn off the television. They continue screaming until the screen suddenly flicks off.

CUT TO BLACK

THE END - CREDITS ROLL