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FADE IN:
INT. MOVIE THEATER LOBBY - NIGHT
Peter, Lois, Chris, Meg, Brian, and Stewie walk into the
exquisite movie theater. They have just ordered their
tickets for the movie.
USHER
Here are your tickets. Enjoy your
movie.
LOIS
Ok, kids, you guys go and save us a
seat while we get the food.
(beat)
Oh, Peter. It sure is nice to go
out and do something as a family
again.
PETER
Yeah. We haven't been to the
movies in a long time.
BRIAN
It's no wonder. You remember the
last time we all went to the
movies?
There's a silence and moment of motionlessness.
PETER
Uh, yeah. It seems like it was
only yesterday...
Another silence.
PETER
Ok, why isn't it showing the
flashback?
LOIS
It's probably just a technical
error, Peter. I'm sure they'll
have it working in no time.
Silence. Brian, Peter, and Lois wait for the flashback to
come on. Nothing.
PETER
Damn this network. Always screwing
up our lives. How the hell are we
going to tell our story if we can't
even have one flashback?
This is just like the time I
started that petition to bring back
Butt Ugly Martians. There's no
flashback.
PETER
That's it. I quit... The opening
theme starts.
INT. MOVIE THEATER LOBBY - NIGHT
Chris and Meg, who is carrying Stewie, are ordering some food
for the movie.
MEG
Yeah, can I get one large popcorn
with extra butter, two medium
cokes, and some Twizzlers?
The employee behind the register puts a sign up on the
counter. It reads: NO DOGS ALLOWED.
EMPLOYEE
Next!
Meg frowns. Stewie tries to cheer her up.
STEWIE
Oh, don't frown upon your
hideousness, Meg. I'm sure it
comes in quite useful when you need
to get out of a certain situation.
Meg struggles to keep Stewie in her arms.
MEG
Stewie, you're getting too heavy
for me to carry you anymore.
STEWIE
Too heavy? Now listen here, David
Lee Roth, I work out thirty minutes
a day while on a special diet
designed by Taebo fitness
instructor Billy Blanks.
MEG
Stewie, you're gonna have to walk.
She sets Stewie down. Stewie jumps up and down, demanding to
be picked back up and carried.
STEWIE
Why, you fobbing flap-mouthed
lewdster! Pick me back up! I
refuse to walk on this mess you
call a floor. Who knows what's
been on it!
An old man walks by with muddy shoes. The mud wipes onto the
carpet. Suddenly, the man trips on his own feet, and his
face hits the floor hard. His false teeth fly out of his
mouth, transmitting gooey saliva all over the floor. Stewie
gasps and becomes sickened. A passing woman gasps at the
sight of the false teeth.
WOMAN #1
Oh, that's disgusting!
She immediately hurls up her lunch. The vomit spreads across
the floor, and another passing moviegoer slips in the puke. A
young kid runs out of the bathroom with toilet paper attached
to his shoe.
STEWIE
Oh, God...
Stewie faints.
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT
Everyone is watching the movie. The previews are playing.
CLOSE ON
THEATER SCREEN.
THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR ALL AUDIENCES BY
AN ASSOCIATION WHO DESTROYS FILMS.
A reptile of some sort is on the screen attacking people.
PREVIEW VOICEOVER (O.S.)
They're fast... they're vicious...
they're completely inane... and
this summer, you have to put up
with them... again!
The main title of the movie emerges on screen: ANACONDAS 3.
PREVIEW VOICEOVER (CONT'D)
Starring Jean Stapleton as the sexy
scientist.
JEAN appears on screen, looking old and unhealthy.
JEAN STAPLETON
If we don't come up with an idea of
how these things got so big, WE'RE
ALL DEAD!
PREVIEW VOICEOVER (CONT'D)
...and Cliff Robertson in his most
groundbreaking role ever as the
villainous boat passenger...
CLIFF ROBERTSON
I'm here for no reason than to
complicate matters, and to chew
bubble gum. And damn it, I'm all
out of bubble gum!
PREVIEW VOICEOVER (CONT'D)
This is the film you have to see to
believe...
The title appears again: ANACONDAS 3.
FADE OUT TO:
INT. THEATER AUDIENCE
Everyone in the theater is silent.
PETER
I am so there.
Stewie is on Lois's lap, fidgeting and fussing as he's
terrified of the gross floor. Lois is becoming agitated as
well.
LOIS
Stewie, sit still. You're
bothering Mommy.
STEWIE
Lois, it's that damn floor! It'll
kill us all, I tell you! ALL OF
US! It's a germ infested, noxious,
contaminated killing machine!
DON'T LET IT GET ME!
Stewie climbs on top of Lois's head.
LOIS
That's it, Stewie! I told you to
stop.
She pulls Stewie off of her head and sets him on the floor.
Stewie howls in fear and disgust as his feet stick to the
floor like a magnet on a fridge.
STEWIE
Lois, for God's sake! Look, we can
forget about the times when I tried
to slaughter you, right? Lois?
WOMAN, SAVE MEEE!!!
He falls over, and his face sticks to the floor like a
cockroach in a Roach Motel.
STEWIE
Stuck... stuck... STUCK!
He tries to pull away, but his skin remains glued to the
sticky floor. He begins to cry. People in the audience become
irritated.
AUDIENCE MEMBER #1
CAN YOU SHUT THAT BABY UP!?
AUDIENCE MEMBER #2
WE'RE TRYING TO WATCH A MOVIE HERE!
Lois leans over to Brian.
LOIS
Brian, can you take Stewie out to
the lobby?
BRIAN
Sure, Lois.
Brian stands up and picks up Stewie. Stewie's face peels off
of the floor and stretches as Stewie finally stands
completely. Brian picks Stewie up and walks out of the
theater with him, entering
INT. THEATER LOBBY - NIGHT
Stewie jumps onto a bench and quivers at the sight of the
floor.
BRIAN
Stewie, what's your problem?
STEWIE
Brian! Get off of the floor!
BRIAN
What for?
STEWIE
There's no time! I'll save you!
Stewie jumps off of the bench and tackles Brian to the floor,
smashing a potted plant to pieces as the vase breaks into
tiny fragments. Stewie lifts Brian up from his collar and
pulls him onto the bench. Stewie is out of breath and Brian
is confused.
BRIAN
Stewie, what the hell?
STEWIE
We're safe here. Not forever, but
for now.
BRIAN
What were we not safe from to begin
with?
STEWIE
I'll show you.
Stewie leans over the bench and peers at the floor.
STEWIE
There. Just below us. Frightening,
isn't it?
BRIAN
Stewie, are you talking about the
floor?
STEWIE
NO! What's ON the floor...!
BRIAN
The carpet?
A THEATER USHER approaches Brian and Stewie. The one that
turned Meg away.
THEATER USHER
I'm sorry, sir, but there's no dogs
allowed in the theater. And every
infant must have an adult with them
over the age of 18.
BRIAN
Over 18? I'm 49 years old!
THEATER USHER
And human.
BRIAN
You can't do that. I'm a paying
customer.
THEATER USHER
It's our policy, sir, and I can't
bend the rules to satisfy what you
think is right.
BRIAN
Why, you...
Brian lifts his fist. Suddenly, the floor begins shaking.
AN EARTHQUAKE!
The floor begins splitting and cracking. The ceiling wilts
and tarnishes as broken beams fall to the floor. A beam falls
on the THEATER USHER, knocking him unconscious.
BRIAN
OH MY GOD! IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE!
STEWIE
IT'S THE FLOOR, I TELL YOU! THE
FLOOR! IT'S HERE!!!
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT
The movie playing on screen becomes loud as an action scene
takes place. The movie theater begins to shake. The aisles
split in half and the ceiling caves in. Everybody panics and
runs for their lives. Lois grabs Chris and Meg's hands and
pulls them to safety from a falling wooden beam.
LOIS
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! PETER, COME
ON!
Peter remains seated. The earthquake suddenly subsides.
Everything goes quiet as the movie theater becomes empty,
except for Peter. Silence. Peter remains still.
PETER
Wow. The sound here is incredible.
CUT TO:
INT. GRIFFIN HOUSE - DAY
The house is still in tact and didn't alter in structure from
the earthquake. Lois is on the phone with her father.
LOIS
Yes, Daddy. I'm sure I'm all
right.
(beat)
No, Peter wasn't killed in the
earthquake.
The rest of the Griffin family is sitting on and around the
couch watching Channel 5 News.
CLOSE ON
TELEVISION. TOM TUCKER and DIANE SIMMONS are reporting live.
TOM
A sudden and unexpected earthquake
struck Quahog just last night at
eight o'clock. The first of its
kind since the early 1970's.
Seismologists have yet to figure
out if there will be any other
seismic waves to cause another
earthquake in the area, but it's
safe to say that we're all lucky it
was only a 4.0 on the Richter
scale.
DIANE
That's right, Tom. The damage was
moderate, but thank God nobody was
seriously injured.
CUT TO:
INT. DILOPIDATED THEATER
The theater usher is still pinned under the broken beam that
fell on him. Beams and broken pieces of wood continue to
fall in the background as a result of the earthquake. The
man under the beam reaches his hand up in pain, when a man in
a dark cloak approaches him.
DARK MAN
Darth Vader. Rise.
The man under the beam isn't the same. He's now dressed in a
slick outfit with a handsome black cape. On his head is a
dark helmet that projects his heavily breathing voice.
This is the familiar Darth Vader from the STAR WARS movies. A
beam suddenly falls on him, again. Darth Vader is no more.
DARK MAN
Now where the hell am I going to
get someone to join the Dark
Side...?
The Dark Man laughs an evil laughter. A beam falls on him,
too.
CUT TO:
INT. GRIFFIN HOUSE - DAY
Peter is still watching the news. Everyone else has left.
CLOSE ON
TELEVISION.
Tom and Diane are still giving news.
DIANE
Now we go live to Trisha Takanawa
with an in depth look at the damage
caused by the horrible earthquake.
Trisha?
CUT TO:
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - DAY
TRISHA is standing on the street reporting.
TRISHA
Thank you, Diane. I'm here in
Downtown Quahog where citizens of
Rhode Island are joyous to still be
living today. As you can see, the
earthquake did quite a lot of
damage to businesses and stores on
this street, and there is a crack
in the road wide enough to fit two
copies of Chris Farley.
(beat)
Oh, I see a citizen roaming the
area. Let's see if I can get a
word with him. Sir!
Trisha approaches a man. It's QUAGMIRE!
PETER
Hey, Lois, look! Quagmire's on the
tube!
TRISHA
Sir, can I have a word with you?
QUAGMIRE
Sure thing. Maybe later we can do
a brief featurette for the DVD.
You. Me. Things falling into
holes. OH!
TRISHA
Sir, what were you doing when the
earthquake struck and how did you
feel when it happened?
QUAGMIRE
Well I was having sex with some
chick, and the bed started shaking,
and I thought it was just some good
pushin', but then the whole ceiling
started caving in!
TRISHA
And how did you feel?
QUAGMIRE
Well things went from hot to cold
pretty quick. I finished up and
she left.
TRISHA
Did you feel at all frightened
during this experience?
QUAGMIRE
No. She had proof that she was 18.
CUT TO:
INT. GRIFFIN HOUSE - DAY
Peter smiles.
PETER
That Quagmire...
Lois enters.
LOIS
Peter, have you seen Chris?
PETER
Yeah. He went upstairs to do some
homework.
LOIS
Peter, Chris never does his
homework in his room.
PETER
What the big deal? You should be
proud. The boy's studying at
least.
LOIS
I would be proud, Peter, but he
never studies. Period. I'm gonna
go up and see what he's doing.
PETER
No, Lois. I'll go. I haven't
talked to Chris in a while anyway.
Oh man, this is gonna be more
hilarious than that time I watched
Jaws.
CUT TO:
INT. GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM - FLASHBACK
Peter is watching Jaws on an exciting and tense underwater
scene.
PETER
RUN!!
CUT TO:
INT. CHRIS'S BEDROOM
Peter walks into Chris's bedroom and gasps. Chris is making
out with a girl!
PETER
Chris!
Chris gasps and pushes his girlfriend out of the window. The
girl screams as her foot gets tangled up in the rope ladder
hanging from it.
PETER
Chris, who the hell was that?
CHRIS
Nobody!
PETER
Chris, don't you lie to me! I know
a set of boobs when I see one! Two
boobs, I mean. One set.
CHRIS
(reluctantly)
Okay...
Peter looks out of the window and sees the girl hanging from
the rope ladder upside down. Peter pulls the rope ladder up
and the girl collapses onto Chris's bed. It's CONNIE DEMICO!
PETER
Connie Demico!? Aren't you in
Meg's class!?
CONNIE
Yeah. But-
PETER
But you're the hottest piece of ass
at Meg's school! Why are you with
Chris?
CHRIS
I met her when we all went to my
Open House at school. She has a
brother that's in my grade.
PETER
ALRIGHT, SON! You do me and
yourself the favor and TAP THAT
ASS!
CUT TO:
INT. GRIFFIN HOUSE KITCHEN - DAY
Everyone in the family, including Connie, is sitting at the
table eating.
PETER
Chris, I still can't believe you're
with Connie Freaking Demico!
CONNIE
It's really not a big deal.
MEG
May I be excused?
PETER
Hell no you can't be excused! The
chick that's tongue frenching your
brother is the same one that picks
on you at school! Now you're not
safe anywhere! Man, talk about the
irony! And not that Alanis
Morissette irony. This is irony,
irony.
LOIS
Chris, I'm so happy that you found
someone to make you happy.
(beat)(whispering)
And Connie, just so you know, Chris
is hung like a mammoth.
BRIAN
So. How long have you two been
seeing each other? Is it strange
being with each other knowing the
age difference?
CONNIE
Look, we've only been together for
about two weeks, and we never
really thought about our age
difference. It's the attraction
that matters.
She holds Chris's right hand.
LOIS (CONT'D)
And I'm more attracted to him than
anybody else I've been with.
STEWIE
Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold on.
You're with Chris, but the
attraction is what matters? Is
that what you said? The attraction
is what's important? And you're
with Chris?
(beat)
Ok, just making sure.
LOIS
Meg, when are you gonna find a
handsome boy at your school? Maybe
that's the problem.
You should try looking for a
boyfriend at Chris's school. The
popular girls are doing it.
MEG
Mom, you always told me to be my
own person. I don't care what the
popular kids are doing! I don't
like any of this!
Meg flips over her plate against the wall and runs off
crying.
LOIS
Meg! Get back here!
PETER
Don't worry, Lois. I set a trap on
the stairs to stop her that's
impossible to fail.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM STAIRS
Meg runs up the stairs. She sees a bear trap lying on one of
the steps. She jumps over it.
The stairs cave in. Meg falls inside.
A piano rolls down the steps and falls inside the broken
staircase hole. The piano crushes Meg.
MEG
Owww...
CUT TO:
INT. GRIFFIN KITCHEN - DAY
Lois is putting food on everybody's plates.
PETER
So where are you guys gonna go on a
date? 'Cause I can hook you up at
some snazzy places!
(beat)
I...uhh...I have connections, you
know.
BRIAN
You have connections?
PETER
Well, sure! We would have never
gotten into the movie theater last
night if it weren't for me.
BRIAN
Peter, you paid the usher. Any one
of us could have done that.
PETER
Yeah. Uh huh. Sure. Maybe you
should look for a job and quit
being jealous, Brian. You're
making yourself look bad.
(to Connie)
He's usually an outside dog.
Brian throws his plate against the wall and walks off, angry
that Peter would him degrade him in such a harsh way.
CONNIE
Chris, let's go. I hear they're
showing a special screening of
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
CHRIS
I don't know if that's a good idea.
I had a bad experience watching the
original movie...
CUT TO:
INT. GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM - FLASHBACK
Chris is watching WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. He
admires all of the chocolate on the television.
Chris runs up to the television and takes a bite out of it.
His teeth hit a wire, and it electrocutes him instantly.
Chris's hair stands up as electricity spreads through his
body. Chris moans as he can't move his teeth, but they're
biting down harder on the wires.
There's an explosion, and Chris is knocked back over the
couch. The couch falls on its back as Chris continues to
moan.
CHRIS
OHHH. That didn't taste good at
all!
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Connie stands up.
CONNIE
Well what do you want to do then?
PETER
SAY YOU WANT TO STUDY! DO IT, SON!
CHRIS
Dad, I don't think I'm comfortable
with you commenting on me and
Connie's relationship. You seem
more enthused than I do.
(beat)
Come on, Connie. Let's go back up
to my room.
Chris and Connie dismiss themselves from the room.
PETER
CHRIS, THERE'S A VIDEO CAMERA IN MY
ROOM IF YOU GET LUCKY. ALRIGHT,
SON?
(beat)
Alright.
CUT TO:
INT. JAMES WOODS MEMORIAL HIGH SCHOOL - THE NEXT DAY
Meg, Connie, and other students are sitting in science class.
Connie is talking to her friends while Meg overhears their
conversation.
CONNIE'S FRIEND #1
So what's going on with you and
that 13 year old from the Junior
High?
CONNIE
Ah, it's great. Things are going
so well. I still can't believe
it's working out.
Meg smiles, happy that Connie is satisfied with Chris.
CONNIE'S FRIEND #2
Ha. I can't believe the fatso
thinks you really like him.
Meg gasps and turns around.
CONNIE
Yeah. My ex boyfriend is already
jealous. Ha, this is so cool. I
never would have expected this plan
to work.
Meg is furious.
She jumps out of her chair and runs over to Connie.
MEG
Connie Demico! You're using my
brother to make your ex boyfriend
jealous?
CONNIE
No! No! Not at all!
(beat)
Oh, wait. Yeah, I am.
MEG
I can't believe you would sink so
low! He didn't do anything to you!
CONNIE
What's your problem, Meg? It's not
like I'm doing it to you. You
should be happy that I'm leaving
you alone for once.
MEG
No, this is a new low for you!
You're messing with my family and
that's not cool!
CONNIE
I think your family is messed up
enough already.
MEG
If you want to pick on me,
whatever. But you leave my brother
alone! Now I'm gonna have to be
the one to tell him what you've
done! And he's gonna be hurt from
what I say, when you're the one
that did it!
CONNIE
You think he'll believe you? Meg,
nobody listens to anything you say.
Why would your brother be any
different? He's obviously
clueless.
MEG
Connie, I've been wanting to do
this for a long time. You've never
ached me enough to do it, but this
is the worst crap you've ever done,
and I think you deserve it!
Meg swings her fist, and Connie ducks.
Connie swings back, and her fist strikes Meg across the
cheek. Meg is knocked back against a test tube rack, and
shattered glass showers over the floor.
Meg is furious. She grabs a broken piece of glass and swings
it at Connie, trying to slice her. The glass cuts Connie's
arm.
Connie retorts with a swing of a science book. The book hits
Meg in the forehead.
Meg grabs Connie by the hair and bashes her head against a
student desk, faster and faster, harder and harder.
Connie swings her feet from behind, kicking Meg in the chest.
Meg falls on the floor. Connie pounces on her like a tiger.
Meg punches Connie in the stomach.
Connie picks Meg up from the floor and lifts her head towards
the twirling ceiling fan. The blades of the fan knock Meg in
the head.
Meg grabs a fan blade, yanking it from the ceiling fan. She
swings the fan blade at Connie, knocking her repeatedly
across the face.
The two both fall to the floor, tired and bruised, breathing
heavy.
CUT TO:
INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD is sitting behind his desk on the phone.
Lois, Peter, Meg, and Connie are sitting in front of it.
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD
Ok, Connie, your parents are on
their way.
(beat)
Now Meg, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, I am
very upset that your daughter was
the first to swing at Connie. I
would expect that you, as parents,
would teach Meg that violence is
not a probable solution to any
disputes.
PETER
Speak English, Lu Xun.
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD (CONT'D)
Your daughter will be suspended for
the next two days due to her
behavior.
MEG
WHAT!?
CONNIE
Good!
LOIS
Oh my God! Principal Shepherd, I
know my daughter had a justifiable
reason for acting this way.
Please, let her explain.
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD
Oh, alright... Start talking, Meg.
MEG
Connie is dating my brother, who's
only 13. And she's doing it to get
back at her ex boyfriend! Not
because she likes him!
CONNIE
It's not true!
LOIS
Meg, why would you think that?
MEG
Mom, she told me today! That's why
I swung at her! I don't want Chris
to be hurt, and if he stays with
her, he will be!
LOIS
Now that still doesn't give you any
right to punch a girl! You were
taught not to!
MEG
The bitch had it coming, and I owed
it to her anyway.
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD
I've heard about enough of this
nonsense. Meg, personal matters
are not to be dealt with at school.
I am still suspending you for the
next two days.
MEG
Well what about Connie? She fought
too!
CONNIE
I was defending myself!
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD
She'll get detention for the next
week. All of you are dismissed.
LOIS
Meg, you and I are gonna have a
serious conversation about all of
this on the way home!
Meg, Peter, and Lois exit the room.
Principal Shepherd looks at Connie.
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD
So, Connie, you lookin' for a way
to get out of that detention...?
Principal Shepherd licks his lips and winks.
Connie stares blankly.
CUT TO:
INT. GRIFFIN HOUSE - DAY
Stewie is standing on the couch with a laser gun pointed at
the floor.
Brian enters the room.
BRIAN
Stewie, what the hell are you
doing?
STEWIE
Waiting, Brian. I might suggest
you climb to higher ground if you
want stay alive.
BRIAN
Are you scared that there's gonna
be another earthquake?
STEWIE
Not at all. I'm prepared! That's
what I am!
BRIAN
Stewie, you're two feet off of the
ground. That's not gonna protect
you if another earthquake does
come.
STEWIE
(gasps)
You're right! I must find another
method of staying off of the floor!
Stewie grabs two stilts and motions towards the stairs. He
climbs up them, disappearing on the second floor.
Peter, Meg, and Lois enter the house.
LOIS
(to Meg)
Now go to your room and don't come
out until we say!
BRIAN
What's going on?
LOIS
Meg got in a fight with Chris's
girlfriend. Oh, I can only imagine
how Connie must be feeling right
now.
CUT TO:
EXT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY
The camera adjusts on the outside of the office door. From
inside, we can hear Connie moaning.
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD (O.S.)
Almost! Almost! A little more!
CONNIE (O.S.)
YES!
CUT TO:
INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFICE - DAY
Connie and Principal Shepherd are playing TWISTER, and
Principal Shepherd is reaching his hand towards the blue
circle.
PRINCIPAL SHEPHERD
Got it!
CONNIE
You sure are good at this.
CUT TO:
INT. STEWIE'S BEDROOM - DAY
Stewie is making a flying machine which looks strikingly
similar to a high-tech flying saucer.
STEWIE
At last! My flying device is now
completed!
Stewie steps inside the flying device and activates the
controls. The machine lifts up from the ground.
STEWIE
No floor will get me up here!
He remains in the air, bobbing up and down with the machine.
He becomes excited with the vibration. He unzips his
overalls.
CUT TO:
INT. MEG'S ROOM - DAY
Chris enters Meg's bedroom, where Meg is lying on her bed
crying her eyes out.
CHRIS
Hey Meg, can I use your phone?
MEG
Why? So you can call Connie
Demico? Chris, I can't let you see
her anymore!
CHRIS
Why not?
MEG
She's using you. She doesn't care
about you at all.
CHRIS
No way. She wouldn't use me.
MEG
She is, Chris! She's using you to
get back at her ex boyfriend!
CHRIS
Hmmm.. Now that I think about it...
CUT TO:
INT. LOCAL SHOPPING MALL - FLASHBACK
Chris and Connie are shopping together.
CONNIE
Oh my gosh! Here comes my ex
boyfriend!
CHRIS
Who cares-
Connie grabs Chris's neck and pulls him in. They make out as
Connie's ex boyfriend passes.
Connie pulls away. Her ex didn't even notice.
CONNIE
Damn it. It's not working.
CHRIS
I disagree.
Connie stares at Chris's crotch. Her eyes grow wide.
CUT TO:
INT. MEG'S ROOM - DAY
Meg sighs at Chris.
CHRIS
I guess it was never meant to be.
She was hard to keep up with
anyway.
MEG
I'm sorry, Chris.
CHRIS
That's okay, Meg. I'm gonna go
check on Stewie. He's been acting
really weird lately.
Suddenly, the floor begins shaking.
ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE!
The floor splits in two as pieces of wood begin falling down
on the siblings.
CUT TO:
INT. STEWIE'S BEDROOM - DAY
Stewie gasps as his bedroom floor begins splitting down the
middle.
Stewie is safe.
But something's wrong.
STEWIE
Oh, God! THE GAME!
Stewie sees a JUMANJI game dangling off of the edge of the
large crack in the floor. He moves the machine down, quickly
grabbing it.
He suddenly notices RUPERT, his beloved gay Teddy Bear,
dangling off of the edge of the crack as well.
STEWIE
RUPERT!
He moves his machine towards Rupert, but it won't fit in the
crack.
STEWIE
Don't worry, Rupert! I'm coming!
Stewie jumps out of his machine, falling into the crack and
grabbing Rupert before he falls.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Lois, Peter, and Brian are panicking as the floor below them
shakes violently.
LOIS
OH MY GOD! THE KIDS!!
Peter gasps while Lois and Brian run up the stairs, entering
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY
Stewie, Chris, and Meg run into the hallway. Lois grabs her
kids and holds all of them in her arms, as well as Brian.
The earthquake stops.
LOIS
Is everybody okay?
BRIAN
Yeah. I think so.
STEWIE
I told you the floor would strike
again! And I was prepared! From
this day forward, I shall not
suffer from the floor's tendencies
to kill! Victory is mine!
LOIS
Come on, kids. Let's go downstairs
before the floor caves in.
Everybody walks down the
INT. STAIRS - DAY
Meg is in the front.
Meg suddenly steps in the bear trap that Peter had set on the
steps earlier. She falls down the stairs.
She doesn't move.
Peter sees her body on the floor with the bear trap stuck to
her foot.
PETER
OH MY GOD!!
(beat)
Can you believe that bear trap
didn't move all that time?
THE END.
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