This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
THE LUNCHROOM
Episode Two
"Life's Too Short"
Teleplay by
Bruce Snyder
Story by
Bruce Snyder
&
Alan Holman
Created by
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Vincent Biga
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Edward Drogos
STORY EDITOR
Rebecca Parker
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
Chris Hughes................................
Ellen Conner................................
Cathy Matthews..............................
Mr. John Parker.............................
Ms. Diane Ballard...........................
GUEST CAST LIST
Principal Bob Stevens.......................
Nadine Santos...............................
Mr. Harry Zimmer............................
Arthur Winchester...........................
Cashier #1..................................
Cashier #2..................................
Cashier #3..................................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. SCHOOL - PARKING LOT - AFTER SCHOOL
The lot is completely empty except for one beat up green
car. BRIAN VANDELE is in it. On the hood of the car sits
CASEY JENNINGS. Brian seems very angry and impatient.
BRIAN
Casey, get off my car!
CASEY
Not until you apologize!
BRIAN
For Christ's sake it was only a pop
tart!
CASEY
WRONG! It wasn't just a pop tart,
it was MY pop tart!
BRIAN
C'mon! You've been sitting on my
car for an hour now! I'd like to go
home!
CASEY
Apologize or get me another pop
tart!
Brian sighs.
BRIAN
Fuck this!
Brian puts it in drive. Casey becomes worried.
CASEY
What are you doing?
BRIAN
What's it look like I'm doing? I'm
getting you off my car.
Brian begins to back up his car. Casey, scared, jumps
off of the car. Brian backs up so fast that he backs
into RICHARD, the wheelchair kid knocking him to the
ground.
Casey is frozen. While Brian hops out of the car and
checks on Richard.
BRIAN
Richard, are you okay?!
Beat.
RICHARD
I...I can't feel my legs!
Long pause. Richard starts laughing while Brian lets out
a sigh of relief.
BRIAN
Son of a bitch!
SMASH CUT TO:
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
FADE IN:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - NOON
ELLEN CONNER is walking down the halls looking around
for Will. She has two tickets in her hands. She turns a
corner.
CUT TO:
INT. ANOTHER HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
JOEL MAYBERRY and CATHY MATTHEWS stand by a locker. Joel
is searching through it, trying to find his science
book. Cathy is staring off into space, rubbing her
stomach. Ellen appears and runs up to them.
ELLEN
Hey, either of you guys seen Will?
JOEL
Um. I think he's in the teen center
getting a coke.
ELLEN
Thanks.
Ellen leaves. Joel resumes his conversation with Cathy.
JOEL
So how about we get some pizza
tonight for dinner?
No response.
JOEL
Cathy?
CATHY
Yeah?
JOEL
You okay?
CATHY
Yep. Just lost in thought.
JOEL
First you'll crazy and all over the
place, now you've been quiet and
down in the dumps. Are you sure
everything is okay?
CATHY
Trust me Joel, there is absolutely
nothing wrong with me.
Joel closes his locker and gives her a suspicious look.
CATHY
Don't give me that look. It's a
very unflattering look.
They walk off.
CUT TO:
INT. TEEN CENTER - SCHOOL - SECONDS LATER
Ellen enters, still searching. She takes a few steps and
freezes. Across the teen center, is WILL COOPER and he
is talking to NADINE SANTOS. Nadine is a Mexican
American. She's very slender, with long curly brown
hair. Overall she's a very beautiful young woman.
Ellen seems taken aback by this. Very hurt at the fact
that Will is getting friendly with another woman. Ellen
turns around and gets ready to leave but Will stops her.
WILL
Hey, Ellen.
Slowly turns around.
ELLEN
(uncomfortable)
Hi Will.
WILL
Come on over.
Ellen makes her way over.
WILL
What's up?
ELLEN
Nothing much.
(beat)
...Who's this.
WILL
Oh, I forgot. Ellen, this is Nadine
Santos.
NADINE
Hello, pleased to meet you.
They shakes hands.
ELLEN
(under breath)
Wish I could say the same.
NADINE
What?
ELLEN
I said "likewise."
WILL
You'll never believe this, Ellen
but Nadine wants to be a filmmaker
too.
This crushes Ellen more.
ELLEN
...Really?
NADINE
I just love movies so much. It's my
sole passion. I couldn't picture my
life without them.
WILL
Me either.
Give each other a loving look. Ellen gets worried and
tries to break the moment.
ELLEN
Banana hammock!
Both turn to Ellen with weird looks.
ELLEN
(embarrassed)
Sorry.
WILL
Did you need something Ellen?
ELLEN
Oh, I just wanted to tell you I got
two tickets to the new Scorsese
movie. I thought we could check it
out.
Will and Nadine both look at each other. Obvious that
they have bad news for her.
ELLEN
What? What's the matter?
WILL
Oh, I'm really sorry but...I already
agreed to go with Nadine.
Another crushing blow for Ellen.
NADINE
I'm sorry Ellen. Will, you should
go with her. I don't mind sitting
this one out.
ELLEN
No, it's okay. You two should go.
You've already made plans.
NADINE
Are you sure?
ELLEN
You got to him first. I hold no
grudge for that.
ELLEN (V/O)
You bitch!
Will peaks up at the clock.
WILL
Shit! Look at the time. We've got
to get to Media Arts class.
NADINE
You're right. It was nice meeting
you Ellen.
They walk away.
WILL
See ya', Ellen!
They disappear around the corner. Ellen seems depressed
and defeated.
ELLEN
Stupid friend zone.
FADE TO:
INT. HALLWAY - SCIENCE WING - MINUTES LATER
It's empty and quiet. Suddenly large amounts of black
smoke start coming out of the teachers lounge at the end
of the hall. Not only that but we can hear a few screams
and some materials breaking.
Door finally opens and a few teachers run out. Seconds
later, MR. JOHN PARKER, MS. DIANE BALLARD, and MR. HARRY
ZIMMER emerge coughing and swatting smoke away from them.
PARKER
Damn it, Harry! What the hell were
you thinking!
ZIMMER
I thought the stove was broken. I
was just checking it out.
PARKER
It doesn't mean you should light a
match to check it out when you have
the gas on! Ya' ball sack.
BALLARD
Why hasn't any pulled the alarm yet?
Ballard runs over to the wall and pulls the FIRE ALARM.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - SAME
The fire alarm is blaring at a very loud volume.
Classroom doors begin to open and HUNDREDS OF STUDENTS
file out and begin to walk out of the building. In the
middle of the hallway we can see some teachers directing
the students one where to go.
CUT TO:
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - MINUTES LATER
Students are standing around in the parking lot. More
come out of the school and wait around with the rest.
While they pile out, we can see smoke coming off the far
east side of the building.
A FIRETRUCK can be heard approaching.
Near the far back of the students is The Gang. REICTHER,
JOEL MAYBERRY, BRIAN VANDELE, BROCK WARNER, CASEY
JENNINGS, and CHRIS HUGHES are all standing around the
parking lot. There are dozens upon dozens of other
students near by but The Gang is standing in it’s own
little area away from everyone else.
Brock appears to be very anxious.
BROCK
This fire drill better be worth it.
I'm missing out on finishing my
project for this.
BRIAN
I think so. Look that smoke is
coming from somewhere.
CHRIS
Holy shit! The school is actually on
fire.
While The Gang watches in amazement Joel notices that
Reicther has brought a newspaper with him.
JOEL
Why did you bring that out here?
REICTHER
So I could read my comics while we
wait.
Reicther begins to read. After a long pause he starts
laughing.
REICTHER
Oh "Family Circus", how you slay me.
Joel rolls his eyes.
EXT. SCHOOL - MAIN ENTRANCE - SAME
PRINCIPAL BOB STEVENS is standing on top of the main
steps, addressing the entire TEACHING STAFF. Parker and
Ballard are near the front, with Mr. Zimmer right behind
them.
STEVENS
All right! I just finished talking
with the fire chief. Apparently the
science wing has suffered very
major damages.
Zimmer looks embarrassed.
STEVENS
So big of damages that when I was
given a rough estimate of how much
it was cost to repair, I was so
shocked I about shit out my heart.
It only got worse when I mentioned
that the teacher's lounge was
burned up too and then he tacked on
a couple thousand more. I swear
people, after that I think I
honestly suffered a mild stroke.
PARKER
That would explain the excess
drooling, wouldn't it Bob?
Stevens shots him a mean look.
STEVENS
I have found a way to pay for it...
by firing the idiot who started the
fire.
Zimmer gulps.
STEVENS
One year's salary should cover most
of the costs. So now I must ask:
which one of you incompetent dim
wits lit my school on fire!
Long pause.
STEVENS
I'll ask again...who's responsible
for burning part of my school!
PARKER
(whispering)
Don't worry, Harry. I've got your
back.
Short silence followed by:
VOICE 1 (O.S.)
Zimmer did it!
VOICE 2 (O.S.)
I saw him do it!
VOICE 3 (O.S.)
He burned the science wing!
VOICE 4 (O.S.)
And stole my lunch!
Stevens gives Zimmer an evil look. Parker pats Zimmer on
the back.
PARKER
Sorry pal. You got fucked five way
till Sunday.
Zimmer drops his head in embarrassment.
TIME FADE:
EXT. SCHOOL - PARKING LOT - LATER
TITLE CARD: "90 Minutes Later"
The Gang is standing around, obviously bored out of
their minds. Reicther is still reading his newspaper.
Brock is standing around, looking impatient and wanting
to be somewhere else. Chris singing to himself. Casey
and Brian are in the middle of a conversation that Joel
is paying very close attention to.
CASEY
Yeah, he could do the robot.
Casey does a very crappy version of the robot dance.
Brian scoffs, Joel cracks up.
JOEL
You are so lame.
CASEY
No, it's funny.
BRIAN
It's not realistic.
CASEY
It's supposed to be how a robot
would dance. What's not realistic
about it?
BRIAN
So a robot programmed well enough
to have a dance function would do
what you just did...
CASEY
Probably.
BRIAN
If they were to program a robot
human enough to have a dance
function it would have to be
incredibly advanced and I don't
think an incredibly advanced
life-like robot would be programmed
with such stiff moves. They would
almost certainly give him at least
slightly groovier moves.
JOEL
I think you're thinking of a super
advanced robot. I mean, I think
Casey's just talking about, like, a
robot that appears in the next
decade.
Brock grunts in frustration.
CHRIS
What's eating him?
CASEY
He's mad that you don't realize I
have mad skills as a dancer.
BROCK
I can't believe I'm missing my
homework for this.
Reicther makes a gasping sound and drops his jaw in
excitement.
REICTHER
Holy crap!
Everyone stops what they're doing and turn to him.
JOEL
What?
REICTHER
According to this article the AMC
theatre in Richmond is showing all
six Star Wars movies in a row!
BRIAN
When?
Reicther looks for the date.
REICTHER
(disappointed)
Today!
Everyone groans and moans.
BROCK
Ah man.
CASEY
A once in a lifetime opportunity
like this and we're stuck at school.
CHRIS
When did it start?
REICTHER
Eight in the morning.
CHRIS
(looking at watch)
Damn it! Anakin should be turning
to the dark side right about now.
JOEL
(disappointed)
Man.
BRIAN
(disappointed)
This is exact proof that God hates
my very being.
(yelling to the sky)
Why must you tease me you sick son
of a bitch!
CHRIS
I'd give anything to see it.
BROCK
Yeah but what can we do? We're
stuck here.
Long beat. Reicther is hit with an idea.
REICTHER
Maybe we CAN make it.
BROCK
Didn't you hear me? We're stuck
in school.
REICTHER
Well, Brock there IS an easy
solution that problem: we should
ditch school.
BRIAN
Ditch school?
REICTHER
Yeah. Look the teachers have
already taken head count, so they
think were here. All we have to do
is sneak away when everyone starts
heading in.
BROCK
I don't know about this guys.
Should we really skip school?
BRIAN
Well it's nearly noon so the school
day is already half over.
Everyone nods.
REICTHER
Plus when's the last time we did
anything that was both dangerous
and fun? Life's too short to be
living a life on the straight and
narrow. I say we need to live a
little. Not just for ourselves but
for Lando and for Han, and for that
whiny, emo wanna be teen known as
Anakin!
Everyone seems to be getting excited about this plan,
except for Brock who still seems reluctant.
JOEL
I'm in! I've always wanted to see
it on the big screen.
Beat.
BRIAN
Miss school AND see Star Wars? No
question about it, I'm in.
Beat.
CASEY
AMC theatre...isn't that the place
with the bottomless popcorn tubs?
REICTHER
I think so.
CASEY
I'm in!
Beat.
CHRIS
Since I don't want to be left out,
I'm going to give into peer
pressure. I'm in!
Beat. They all look at Brock.
BROCK
This is crazy. They're going to
catch us.
REICTHER
What's the worse that can happen?
They suspend us from going to any
sporting event? Or stop us from
going to homecoming?
They all laugh.
BROCK
All right, all right. I'll go. But
someone has to pay for my ticket.
BRIAN
I got your back.
JOEL
Should someone tell Will?
CHRIS
He's a bit preoccupied at the
moment.
They all look to their right. A ways down we can see
Will talking with Nadine.
VOICE (O.S.)
All right. Everyone can go back to
class.
REICTHER
Now's our chance. Quick behind
those pick ups!
Hundreds of students begin to make their way back into
the school. The Gang go the opposite way and hide behind
a series of cars. A few minutes go by and all the
students have returned to the school. The Gang pop their
heads out to check to see if the coast is clear.
REICTHER
All right, let's do it! Begin
Operation Lando!
They all cheer.
BRIAN
Wait. Who's car are we taking?
Beat.
BRIAN
Not it!
JOEL
Not it!
CASEY
Not it!
REICTHER
Not it!
BROCK
Not it!
Chris
Not - DAMN IT!
REICTHER
Chris' van it is.
They begin to make their way toward the van, all very
excited.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MINUTES LATER
Ellen is walking down the hallway, very down on herself.
Cathy appears out of nowhere, looking around.
CATHY
Ellen, have you seen Joel? It's
like he's disappeared.
ELLEN
(sad)
No.
CATHY
Hey what's wrong with you? You look
super depressed.
ELLEN
There is no such thing as
depression. Just anger without any
enthusiasm.
Cathy giggles. After a beat, Ellen gives in.
ELLEN
Will's met a girl.
CATHY
So what? I met lots of girls.
ELLEN
Not one like this girl. She's funny,
she's gorgeous. She likes
everything that Will likes. It's
like God is purposely trying to
make impossible for me to have him
all by myself.
CATHY
Aw, Ellen. Hard to believe. Under
all that condescending wit and
tough girl exterior...your just a
big softie.
Ellen rolls her eyes.
CATHY
I'm sure you have nothing to worry
about. The one thing I've noticed
about Will is that he values you a
great deal. No girl can take him
away from you.
Suddenly Nadine passes by.
NADINE
Hey, Ellen.
ELLEN
(grumpy)
Hi Nadine.
Cathy is stunned.
CATHY
That had to be the picture of
absolute beauty.
Ellen hits her.
ELLEN
Cathy, that's the girl.
Cathy's eyes get big. She's surprised and feels sorry
for Ellen.
CATHY
Well...at least you have your
personality.
ELLEN
(sarcastically)
Thanks. Big help.
Cathy smiles and leaves. Ellen continues to walk only to
be stopped by a very happy Will.
WILL
Beautiful day, isn't Ellen?
ELLEN
I guess.
Beat.
ELLEN
You seem extra chipper.
WILL
What can I say? I just made a
really good new friend.
ELLEN
Yeah that Nadine girl does seem to
be quite the catch.
WILL
I guess. I mean she's funny, she's
smart. Beautiful...
(trails off)
Ellen pokes him to snap out of it.
WILL
For some reason I'm still not
convinced.
ELLEN
Your hard to please.
WILL
What can I say. I have very high
standards.
ELLEN
Didn't you date a girl who was
pregnant?
WILL
You couldn't be more wrong...
(embarrassed)
...she had already had the kid.
ELLEN
She had a baby? Oh Will. Haven't
you ever heard three's a crowd?
WILL
Have you ever heard that you sound
smarter when you don't talk?
ELLEN
Constantly. I'm considering
adopting it as my new motto.
Beat.
WILL
I just wish I could find out what's
important in her life.
Nadine appears.
NADINE
Will! You're not going to believe
this. Kirk found the first "Batman"
comic ever hidden in the library
reference section! This is the
coolest thing that's ever happened!
She leaves with Will chasing after her. Ellen is more
hurt.
CUT TO:
EXT. CHRIS' VAN - LATER
Establishing shot. It's driving down an empty city road.
CUT TO:
INT. CHRIS' VAN - CONTINUOUS
Chris is driving and Brian is in the passenger seat.
Casey and Reicther are in the very back, while Joel and
Brock are in the middle section of the van.
Reicther sighs.
REICTHER
How much further?
CHRIS
Almost there.
Joel looks over at Brock and notices that Brock has put
on a pair of sunglasses and a hat he found from the
floor.
JOEL
What the hell is up with your new
look?
BROCK
I'm trying my hardest to be
incognito. I don't want to be
caught skipping school.
CHRIS
You know in this light you kinda
look like a paler version of OJ
Simpson, Brock.
BROCK
Is he football player or the
murderer.
BRIAN
He's more of the later then the
former.
Casey giggles.
CASEY
Wee! Watch what I can do!
Casey starts to bounce up and down, shaking the whole
car.
CUT TO:
EXT. CHRIS' VAN - CONTINUOUS
The Van is bouncing up and down, hitting the road
causing sparks to fly everywhere.
CUT TO:
INT. CHRIS' VAN - CONTINUOUS
Joel and Brock turn around and try to force Casey to
stop bouncing.
REICTHER
Hey that looks like fun!
Reicther starts to bounce too. Casey breaks free of
Brock and Joel and starts bouncing too.
CUT TO:
EXT. CHRIS' VAN - CONTINUOUS
The Van bounces even more before causing more sparks and
the bumper to come off all of a sudden.
CUT TO:
INT. CHRIS' VAN - CONTINUOUS
Joel (grabbing Reicther) and Brock (holding onto Casey)
force them to stop. Even after they've been stopped,
Casey and Reicther still giggle like little school
children.
JOEL
(sighing)
I've got stupid in stereo.
Chris tries to see the damages from his side mirror.
CHRIS
Shit! This van is brand new!
BRIAN
Maybe in 1981 it was.
Reicther and Casey are start jumping up and down again.
CHRIS
So help me God I will turn this van
around and go right back to school
if you don't stop!
They stop.
REICTHER
He started it.
CHRIS
Well I'm ending it.
Long pause.
BRIAN
You guys wanna play "Would you
rather?"
JOEL
Anything to end this awkward
silence.
BRIAN
All right would you rather...be an
auto mechanic or die of breast
cancer?
Joel, Chris, and Brock give horrified looks.
REICTHER & CASEY
(same time)
Cancer!
REICHTER
Jinx! Ha! You can't talk until you
get me a coke.
Casey is confused.
CASEY
Bu -
JOEL
(overlapping)
Sorry Case. He's right. Your not
allowed to talk until you get him a
soda. Thems the rules.
CHRIS
Here we are.
THE GANG'S POV:
Their looking a run down theatre with chipped paint and
faded walls.
Brock is disgusted.
BROCK
God it looks dilapidated.
REICTHER
Hey, you say dilapidated I saw it's
small and cozy.
They begin to get out of the van.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MINUTES LATER
Parker and Ballard walk and talk.
PARKER
Man, I feel sorry for Harry.
BALLARD
He did bring this all upon himself.
What did he expect by checking gas
leak with a match.
PARKER
C'mon, Diane. He's a geography
teacher. They're about as useful as
a set of moral in congress. He just
didn't know any better.
BALLARD
I just don’t see how a teacher
could be so careless to let
something like this happen.
PARKER
There are just naturally bad
teachers in the world, Diane.
JUSTIN, a geeky look teen, runs up to Parker.
JUSTIN
Mr. Parker! Mr. Parker!
PARKER
Justin, why aren't you in class?
JUSTIN
I had to tell you that were missing
six people in class!
Parker becomes immensely afraid. Ballard seems worried.
PARKER
Come again?
JUSTIN
Why you were in the teachers lounge,
we noticed that six people are
missing from class.
Parker and Ballard are dead silent.
CUT TO:
EXT. SCHOOL - SCIENCE WING - SAME
Firefighters are working on the building when a LOUD
SCREAM comes from school. It's Mr. Parker. One the
firefighters scoffs.
FIREFIGHTER
I hate to be that guy.
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE - LOBBY - SAME
Brian and Casey are standing at the snack bar, as a
CASHIER is filling a bag with popcorn.
CASHIER
There you go, kid. One bottomless
tub of popcorn.
Hands it to Brian.
BRIAN
Thank you.
CASHIER
(to Casey)
What about you? What would you like?
Casey is about to speak but Reicther walks by and shots
him an evil look. He begins making weird hand gestures.
The Cashier is confused.
CASHIER
(to Brian)
Is your friend here deaf and dumb?
BRIAN
No, just dumb.
Casey sighs in frustration.
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE - SCREENING - SAME
Chris, Joel, and Reicther are all sitting together.
Brock sits about five rows ahead, his body lowered in
the seat.
JOEL
Brock, I keep telling you no one
will find us here.
BROCK
I'm not going to risk it.
Joel shrugs.
CHRIS
You know something that has always
bother me about episode three?
JOEL
The shitty acting?
CHRIS
No.
REICTHER
The horrible dialogue.
CHRIS
Close.
JOEL
What is it then?
CHRIS
The major plot hole that ruins the
movie.
REICTHER
What plot hole?
CHRIS
Okay. The Jedi’s have all kinds of
powers right.
JOEL
Yeah.
CHRIS
And Yoda is known to see what’s
going to happen in the future.
Remember, he knew Anakin was going
to be evil in episode one.
REICTHER
Yet, Obi-Wan still trained and
caused the downfall of society.
(under breath)
What a douche.
JOEL
What are you getting at, Chris?
CHRIS
How can a whole council of Jedi not
see that they all are going to be
killed by the clones! Not only that,
but shouldn't one of them sense
that there was a major conspiracy
going on to take down the Jedi.
Long pause. Reicther and Joel look at each other.
Reicther throws some popcorn at Chris.
REICTHER
Way to ruin the movie, Chris.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MINUTES LATER
School is over. Kids are getting their stuff from their
lockers. Ellen is packed and ready. She walks down the
hall and bumps into Will.
WILL
Ellen, there you are.
ELLEN
Here I am indeed. How was your day?
WILL
Fantastic! Wonderful! Possibly the
closet thing to perfection I've
gotten to.
ELLEN
(fake enthusiasm)
That's great.
WILL
Nadine is just as big of a Batman
fan as I am. She's got like 300
issues of them in her basement.
ELLEN
Well, she seems lovely. You can
tell me more on the way home.
WILL
That's what I wanted to talk with
you about. I can't give you a ride
home.
ELLEN
Why not?
WILL
Nadine is going to take me to a
comic book store and help me get
some Batman stuff.
ELLEN
Oh.
Beat.
WILL
You okay?
ELLEN
Yeah, I'm fine.
WILL
I'm really sorry about the ride.
ELLEN
It's okay. I'll just get a ride
from Arthur.
WILL
Okay. Well I guess I'll see you
tomorrow.
ELLEN
Tomorrow it is.
He runs off, completely unaware of how much he's hurt
Ellen.
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE - LOBBY - SAME
Casey is still trying to communicate without talking. He
is now beginning a game of charades with the original
cashier and two additional ones that have joined.
Casey makes some hand gestures.
CASHIER #1
First word.
More hand gestures.
CASHIER #2
Me!
CASHIER #3
I!
Casey nods.
CASHIER #1
Okay. First word is "I." Second
word.
Casey actions toward a giant coke poster.
CASHIER #2
Want!
CASHIER #3
"I want that coke poster!"
Casey grunts, trying to tell them that's not right.
CASHIER #1
Now I understand him.
They ignore him, believing that the poster answer is
right. Casey moves behind the counter and pours himself
a coke. He walks away.
Beat. The answer hits them.
ALL
"I want a coke!"
CASHIER #2
God, I can't believe we didn’t get
that.
They laugh it up.
CASHIER #1
Hey, didn't he just take a coke
without paying?
CASHIER #3
I'll call the cops.
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE - SCREENING - SECONDS LATER
Casey enters and heads over to the guys (Brian now sits
with them.) He hands Reicther the soda.
CASEY
There's your damn soda.
REICTHER
Okay. You are now officially un
jinxed.
Only a second later the lights dim.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
We now would like to start our
feature presentation.
The Gang cheer.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
It's that all time classic that's
been popular for years...Sex Wars!
A porno starts. Beat. The Gang is stupefied.
JOEL
Is this a porno or did George Lucas
make some drastic new changes to
episode four?
Beat.
BRIAN
Reicther, I thought you said they
were showing all the "Star Wars"
films today.
REICTHER
That's what the article in the
paper said.
Reicther into pocket and pulls out the article. Joel
takes it and reads it.
JOEL
God, man. You need glasses. It
doesn't say "Star Wars", it says
"Sex Wars."
BROCK
I've just risked my whole high
school career to sneak into some
cheap porno!
CHRIS
I don't think it's cheap. Just look
at that CGI dildo.
BROCK
You're not helping!
Arguing ensues. Reicther gets everyone's attention.
REICTHER
Everyone just calm down. Look, we
should just get up and leave. We'll
go to the shake shop or someplace
secluded so we can hang low until
school is over.
Everyone nods in approval. Just then, BAM! The doors are
busted open and about TWELVE POLICE OFFICERS come
running in.
POLICE OFFICER
Everyone freeze.
Everyone freezes in the position they are in. The
officer sighs.
POLICE OFFICER
Not literally. Just stand in place
and put your hands up in the air.
They do so.
BRIAN
What seems to be the problem
officer?
POLICE OFFICER
The cashier called and said some
mentally retarded kid stole some
refreshments from the lobby.
They all look at Casey who laughs nervously.
CASEY
I didn't want to be jinxed anymore.
BROCK
I'll jinx you, you stupid
motherfucker.
Brock tries to choke Casey but gets shot with an
elephant dart. He passes out and hits the ground hard.
OFFICER
All right, cuff 'em boys.
The various officers begin to cuff The Gang. Everyone
seems to be sad.
CHRIS
Cheer up guys. At least the worst
of it is over.
CUT TO:
EXT. THEATRE - SAME
A male Newscaster is standing in front of the place,
doing a news report.
NEWSCASTER
Thanks, Carla. Our hearts and
prayers go out to the families of
the six missing students from
Centerville High School. Tonight,
it's a channel ten investigation
into the seedy world of pornography.
When we arrived we got an
unexpected surprise. It turns out
that police are in the middle of a
major bust. In fact here they come.
The police emerge, each one with a member of the Gang
handcuffed by their side. Newscaster approaches them.
NEWSCASTER
Excuse me, but do you gentlemen
have any thing to say for
yourselves?
CASEY
Hi mom!
Joel and Brian have had a enough. They break free and
attempt to attack Casey. Both of them get darts in their
necks. They go down instantly.
NEWSCASTER
That seemed a bit excessive, don't
you think?
OFFICER
Not as excessive as what that hobo
is doing.
The newscaster looks off camera, while the Officer shots
a dart into his neck. Newscaster goes down, the officer
gets a cheap laugh out of it.
CUT TO:
INT. WILL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME
Nadine is on the couch watching TV.
NADINE
Will, come in here!
Will quickly enters the room.
NADINE
Aren't those your friends on TV?
Will looks at the TV.
ON THE TV-
A struggle has broken out. Chris, Casey, and Reicther
are jumping around trying to break free. The officers
are having a hard time holding them down.
CHRIS
Hate crime! Hate crime!
Chris gets a dart in the neck and falls over.
Will, nervous, snatches the remote from Nadine.
WILL
I've never seen those people in my
life.
NADINE
But I could have sworn I -
WILL
Hey look. It's Gilmore Girls. Why
don't be both shut the hell up for
about an hour to watch it.
Will sits down. Nadine smiles. She shakes her head and
they begin watching TV.
FADE TO:
(BEGIN SONG: Bruce Springsteen's "Drive All Night")
EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - MINUTES LATER
Establishing shot. A beat up old 1986 Ford Taurus pulls up
into one of the parking spaces.
CUT TO:
INT. ARTHUR'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
ARTHUR WINCHESTER puts the car into park. Ellen is
in the passenger's seat, staring out the car window. Her
mind is elsewhere.
ARTHUR
So Ellen...here we are.
ELLEN
(elsewhere)
Yep.
Long beat. Arthur obviously wants to make a move.
ARTHUR
I was wondering if, you know,
you wanted to hang out?
Ellen turns to him.
ELLEN
"Hang out?"
ARTHUR
Yeah, like uh watch TV, or talk, or
something along those lines.
Ellen thinks it over. She’s still deep in thought over
Nadine and Will.
ELLEN
(half heartedly)
Sure. Why the hell not.
Arthur is overjoyed.
ELLEN
Why don't we hang here.
ARTHUR
(excited)
Okay.
They both get out of the car and head toward the apartment.
FADE TO:
INT. JAIL - LATER THAT NIGHT
The Gang are all huddled around each other, defeated.
Brock, Brian, and Joel are all lying on the floor. They
moan and groan, grabbing their heads in pain. Chris, and
Casey sit on the bench. Each one has an ice pack on a
different part of the body. Reicther stands holding the
bars looking out. He seems the most depressed out of all
of them.
On the wall across the cell is a TV playing a game show.
CHRIS
I can't believe that after all that
we never got to see one stinking
"Star Wars" movie.
CASEY
Obi-Wan must be rolling over in his
grave.
JOEL
(sighs)
My mom is going to kill me.
(beat)
Actually she'll probably have her
new boyfriend do it for her.
Beat.
REICTHER
(to himself)
So close...
An officer enters the hall.
OFFICER
All right you kids. Your parents
will be around here shortly.
He begins to leave.
BRIAN
Uh, sir! I hate to be a pain in the
lower back region but could you
change the channel. When my mom
comes and rips me a new asshole I'd
like to be watching something more
respectable then "Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire."
OFFICER
(annoyed)
Fine.
The Officer starts flipping channels. He just so happens
to land on "Star Wars", which is playing on one of the
local channels. He walks away.
At first no one notices. But as soon as the music starts
playing everyone turns their attention toward the TV.
The guys lying on the floor get up, as do the ones
sitting on the bench. They all stand right up against
the bars staring at the TV. And like that their
depression seems to be lifted as they are fixated on the
movie.
They smile as they finally have reached their goal.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
Return to SimplyScripts.com