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THE LUNCHROOM Episode Nine "Good Riddance" Written by Vincent Biga & Bruce Snyder Created by Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Vincent Biga EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Edward Drogos STORY EDITOR Rebecca Parker CONSULTING PRODUCER Max Majernik CAST LIST Will Cooper................................. Joel Mayberry............................... Brian Vandele............................... Brock Warner................................ Reicther.................................... Casey Jennings.............................. Chris Hughes................................ Stacy Cifaretto............................. Ellen Conner................................ Cathy Phenis................................ Mr. John Parker............................. GUEST CAST LIST Kate Davidson............................... Police Officer.............................. Dave Attanasio.............................. Copyright © Bruce Snyder TEASER FADE IN: (BEGIN SONG: The Eagles - "One of These Nights") INT. VANDELE HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT There is a giant sign that hangs near a wall that reads "Goodbye, Stacy." STACY CIFARETTO is sitting on the couch. She seems to be waiting. TITLE CARD: "8:47 P.M." TIME FADE TO: INT. VANDELE HOME - LIVING ROOM - LATER Stacy is still sitting on the couch. She is resting her head against her hand. She sighs. Still no one is there. TITLE CARD: "10:23 P.M." TIME FADE TO: INT. VANDELE HOME - LIVING ROOM - LATER Stacy is now lying on the couch, sleeping. The lights are off. Suddenly the door slowly opens and we can hear laugher. BRIAN VANDELE and BROCK WARNER walk through. Brian turns on the lights. He quickly notices Stacy, who continues to sleep. He looks over and notices the hanging sign. BRIAN Oh shit, we forgot her farewell party... Brian seems a bit embarrassed. BROCK Ooops... SONG FADES AWAY. SMASH CUT TO: OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. AFTER CREDITS: FADE IN: INT. BRIAN'S BEDROOM - MORNING Title Card: "The Next Morning" Brian is sleeping comfortably on his bed. Suddenly Stacy bursts through the door. STACY Brian? She takes notice that he's sleeping. She goes over and starts to shake him. Brian wakes up. Brian takes his pillow and hits her with it. BRIAN (angry) What do you want?! STACY You have to drive me to the Airport. BRIAN Why? STACY Well, my license is kinda... suspended. Brian looks a little confused. She gives a nervous smile but it quickly goes away. BRIAN Okay, what about Mom? STACY She's not here. BRIAN Why? STACY Well, we went out celebrating my leaving at this male strip club - BRIAN What?! STACY It's this place where men will take their pants off for - BRIAN (overlapping) Skip ahead to the part as to where have to drive you there. STACY Basically she got hammered and... well she tried to drive home. BRIAN And you let her? STACY She slipped me some jello shots! We came home, I fell into a drunken sleep, and I woke up and surprise, surprise, she's not here! Stacy starts to get red in the face, like she's about to cry. STACY (starts to cry) And I can't drive myself to the airport and Mom's gone and if I can't get there I can't go to college and get a good job and have a great lif - BRIAN (overlapping) ALRIGHT, alright! I'll drive you. Stacy stops crying immediately. STACY Good, we have to go pretty soon, so get dressed. I took the liberty of loading all of my things into your car already. Thanks a bunch! Stacy leaves the room, leaving Brian looking very confused. BRIAN I hate it when she cries on command... CUT TO: EXT. VANDELE HOUSE - MINUTES LATER Stacy is in Brian's car waiting. She is blasting the Coldplay song "Speed of Sound." Brian emerges from the house and walks over to the car. He gets in. STACY (O.S.) Hey, look. I got the new Coldplay CD for the ride to Indy. After a few seconds, the song immediately stops. Brian gets out of the car, holding the CD. Suddenly he begins to snap the CD into a million little pieces. He drops the little pieces into the yard and gets back in. BRIAN (O.S.) Thank me later. FADE TO: EXT. KATE DAVIDSON'S HOUSE - SAME CHRIS HUGHES and KATE DAVIDSON emerge from the house and head for a gray car. CHRIS C'mon, we don't want to be late. KATE Why am I even going to this? I don't even know this girl. CHRIS It's Brian's sister, Stacy Cifaretto. KATE I don't know who fucking Stacy Cifaretto is. Why would I want to go to her party when I don't know who she is? CHRIS There's going to be cake... She suddenly seems happy. KATE Chocolate? CHRIS Sure. KATE Alright, I'm in. (beat) Is it all right if I drive? CHRIS Sure. Chris tosses her a set of keys. CHRIS Big round one. KATE Okay. Kate enters on the driver's side, while Chris gets in the passenger side. CUT TO: INT. CHRIS' CAR - CONTINUOUS Chris is buckling up, while Kate starts the car. CHRIS Did you take your medicine? She gets him a frustrated look. KATE (sarcastic) Yes, mother. CHRIS Really? KATE (sarcastic) Yeah, in fact I took double the recommended dosage just to make sure I'm extra sane. She giggles, he gives her a look. KATE Uh, it was a joke Chris. (notices cold stare) What? CHRIS I was just checking in on you. KATE Hey, if I can't joke about mental illness what can I joke about? Chris smiles. Kate notices something in the backseat. KATE What the hell is that? CHRIS Oh, it's a bowling ball and a giant stick. Kate looks at him. KATE Why do you have those things? CHRIS In case I go bowling...and in case I need a stick. Kate scoffs. KATE And I'm the one taking the crazy pills. Kate puts the car in drive and pulls away. CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S CAR - MINUTES LATER Brian is driving, now fully awake. Stacy is sitting next to him, reading a book. Brian looks over at the book. BRIAN Hey, that's one of my books! STACY Yeah I know. Stacy turns the page, glued to the book. STACY Your taste in books isn't too bad. BRIAN Why did you take my book? STACY Because, you had a bunch of big hard cover books, I took them so my roommate would think I'm intellectual. BRIAN But you're not. STACY But Miss Samantha Gilroy will think that I am. BRIAN You know who your roommate is already? STACY Yeah, I got her name from the college and started talking to her online. You know, to break the ice. BRIAN So, you're trying to fool someone who you've already talked to into thinking that you're an intellectual? STACY Yep. Stacy thinks about what she's just agreed too. STACY Oh, damn it! She throws the book in the back seat. They ride in Silence. Stacy starts to look out the window. After a while she reaches into her purse, and pulls down a mirror, and pulls out a stick of lipstick from her purse and starts applying it. BRIAN What are you doing? STACY Putting on lipstick. BRIAN Why are you putting on lipstick? It's probably going to rub off before you get off the plane. STACY Yeah but if the plane crashes I want to go out fashionably. BRIAN In the unlikely event that the plane does crash, your body will be burned, charred, battered, bruised and overall too fucked up for anyone to know you had it on. Beat. STACY But I'll know. Brian rolls his eyes and looks down at the clock. BRIAN (to himself) I'm missing Spider-Man! STACY What? BRIAN Nothing. Brian sighs. BRIAN When does your flight leave? STACY At one. BRIAN What...? STACY One p.m. is something wrong with that? BRIAN Yes! STACY And that would be? BRIAN Well, Indy is an hour and a half away, tops. But here we are at nine in the morning, driving you to a flight that will leave three hours after you get there. STACY Yeah, but since we left early we'll beat the traffic. Brian looks around at the deserted highway. BRIAN I hate you. CUT TO: EXT. BRIAN'S HOUSE - SAME WILL COOPER, JOEL MAYBERRY, CASEY JENNINGS, and REICTHER are standing at the doorway. Casey is holding about a dozen balloons each saying "goodbye" or "farewell." Reicther is holding a cake box. Joel has some CDs under his arm. Casey knocks. There is no answer. Casey knocks harder. REICTHER Are you sure she's even still here? CASEY Yeah, I mean she wouldn't leave without saying good-bye...Right? WILL I don't know, I know that if I were in her place I would want to get out of this backwoods-hell hole as soon as possible. JOEL You're so optimistic. BROCK Well, if they're gone, what are we going to do all day? Beat. REICTHER You guys just want to hang out here? Beat. CASEY Why the hell not? JOEL Sounds good to me. FADE TO: INT. VANDELE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MINUTES LATER The guys have made themselves at home. The "Goodbye, Stacy" sign is still up. There is a table set up in the corner which Casey is fixing up with food and drinks. Joel is at the stereo, messing with something. Will is on the phone. WILL Well, no answer from Brock. He hangs up. Reicther enters carrying the cake box. WILL What's the cake look like anyway, Reicther? REICTHER It's one of those ice cream cakes. Joel and Casey turn as Reicther opens up the box. REICTHER Ta-da! The cake has white frosting with "Good Riddance, Stacy" written on it. WILL Oh, Jesus Reicther! Casey and Joel sigh and go back to what they were doing. REICTHER What? WILL The woman is leaving, Reicther. We might never see her again and you put 'good riddance' on her cake? REICTHER I'll have you know that this cake has not one, but five different kinds of chocolate inside of it. Five! I don't know much about women, but I know this: They like the chocolate. This cake could say "Go fuck your mother, Stacy!" or "Way to rape the innocent, Stacy!' or and she won't care. Why? Because it has FIVE KINDS OF CHOCOLATE, WILL! Casey's head quickly pops up. He comes over and takes the cake. He heads for the kitchen. Reicther heads off after him. REICTHER Hey! Save me at least a piece you fat... (trails off) He exits. Will goes over to Joel. WILL So, Joel. Where's your old secret girlfriend at? JOEL Cathy is out shopping with her mother. Besides, you think I'm dumb enough to bring her to Brian's house? WILL You were dumb enough to bring her to the emergency room when Brian got in the accident. Beat. JOEL Oh, yeah. I did. He shakes his head and searches through a pile of CDs. JOEL Hey, what do you want to listen to? WILL It doesn't matter. JOEL Huh, that's weird. WILL What? JOEL I accidentally took my mom's Coldplay CD. WILL Ugh! Coldplay! Will looks disgusted. Pause. After a few seconds Will and Joel look at each other, as if they have an idea. WILL Frisbee anyone? JOEL Oh yeah. Will and Joel run out of the room. CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S CAR – SAME (DRIVING) Brian is focused on driving, while Stacy is staring dead ahead. She's in deep thought. STACY Brian...do you think I've been a good sister? BRIAN (quickly) No. STACY (Surprised) What? BRIAN To be honest you haven't. But I'm no better. I've really been nothing more then a piece of shit brother. STACY You honestly believe that? BRIAN Yes I do. Pause. STACY We're not that bad. BRIAN Okay. We've been living together for a little over a year now. Just recently I realized that your last name isn't Saunders. Then to make things worse, I then thought your name was Stacy Vandele. Stacy realizes he's right. STACY Well...It's really just an honest mistake. BRIAN Oh yeah. And another thing, I can't for the life of me, name a single friend of yours. STACY You can't? BRIAN Nope. Brian adjusts the rearview mirror, as he does he sees something in the back seat. BRIAN You took my transcript too!? STACY Transcript? Brian reaches back and pulls out a binder. BRIAN Yeah, the transcript...Of my book... STACY (nervous) Oh... You wrote a book? Stacy pauses. STACY Holy shit. We're the worst siblings ever spawned! BRIAN We're not so bad. STACY Really? BRIAN Sure. Donny and Marie were a hell of a lot worse. STACY At least they talked to each other. BRIA N No they didn't. They SANG to each other. Those creepy bastards, those minions of hell... He shudders. STACY I don't know, I always thought Donny was kinda cute. Brian pulls the car over quickly. BRIAN Get out of my car. STACY Relax...I was just kidding. Brian still looks suspicious. STACY Just drive the damn car, Brian. Brian pulls back onto the road. There is an awkward silence. Stacy buries herself in a magazine. BRIAN If you turn Mormon, I will disown you. STACY Likewise. BRIAN Oh, fuck on a stick. STACY What? She looks up from her magazine. Ahead of them is at least a mile long traffic jam. BRIAN ...Well, it looks like we have some time on our hands...want to try to be better siblings? Stacy throws the magazine on the dashboard. STACY Sure, I'll start. What the hell do you have to write a book about? BRIAN I've been told I'm very creative. STACY So, it's fiction? BRIAN Yeah, what real life experiences would I have to make a book? I sit in my room playing video games all day. What person in their right fucking mind would want to read something about me? Beat. BRIAN Now, I have a question. STACY Okay, shoot. BRIAN This has kinda been...something... that has been bothering me for a while. STACY Okay. What is it? BRIAN ...Are you gay? Beat. STACY I'm bisexual, actually. BRIAN Oh. Awkward pause. BRIAN Well, I guess you won't have to deal with unfamiliar sex organs...except for the half of the time when you're with guys... Another awkward pause. She starts to laugh. STACY This is really, really weird. CUT TO: INT. CHRIS' CAR - SAME (DRIVING) Kate is intent on driving while Chris is reading over a piece of paper. KATE When's the next turn? CHRIS West Walnut. Kate nods and then yawns really loudly. Chris begins to stare out the window. CHRIS You know I feel like we should totally get her a present, or something. Don't you? I mean I know it's kind of spur of the moment but I just feel like we shouldn't come totally empty handed. Unknown to Chris, who's still looking out the window, Kate is beginning to doze off a bit. She suddenly collapses on the wheel, making the horn blow. CHRIS (turning to her) Kate! The car is now off road. CHRIS Kate! KATE! KATE (sleepy) Five more minutes. Chris grabs the wheel and struggles to turn it as her body is laying on it. CUT TO: EXT. CAR - CONTINUOUS (MOVING) The Car is off road. Suddenly it starts to mow through a row of trash cans. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS Kate finally wakes up and screams. She quickly slams the brake, sending Chris forward. BAM. He has slammed his head against the passenger window, smashing it up. There seems to be some glass in his FOREHEAD. Some blood comes out. Kate stares at him, in complete shock. CHRIS Kate... KATE Yes? CHRIS Darling... KATE Yes. CHRIS Love my life... KATE What is it, Chris? CHRIS Do I have...glass in my head? KATE Yeah. He lets out a weak laugh. CHRIS Good. For a second there I thought I was seriously hurt. FADE TO: INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM – SAME Will is still playing a video game. Casey, Joel, and Reicther sit around in a circle. In the middle they are helping themselves to the cake. CASEY I'm worried. WILL About what? CASEY That we'll never see Stacy again. JOEL Why are you worried about that? CASEY Well, I would feel bad if I never saw her again and didn't even tell her goodbye when she left. WILL Don't worry, we'll see her again. I mean how can we not? She's Brian's sister. As long as we're friends with him we'll see Stacy around. CASEY I guess so. REICTHER Why are you being so morbid, anyway? CASEY I dunno, I always fear the worst. Like what if they get into a car wreck on the way there and we never see either of them again? REICTHER Then we go to their graves and say good-bye. JOEL It won't work on him, he's an Atheist. CASEY Just because you're atheist doesn't mean you can't believe in God. Everyone gives him a funny look. WILL Actually that's EXACTLY what it means. Chris looks surprised. CASEY Well the...I have some explaining to do to my grandmother. CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S CAR - SAME (MOVING) Brian and Stacy are still talking. STACY So you didn't get stitches? BRIAN Nope. STACY You punched through a window and you didn't get stitches? BRIAN I said no. STACY I'm surprised you could punch through a window. BRIAN What's that supposed to mean? STACY It means I'm surprised you could punch through a window. BRIAN A window is just glass. It doesn't take much strength. Look, it's easy... Brian rears back his fist to punch the driver's side window. He stops himself just in time. BRIAN (to himself) What did Will tell you? Think before you punch things. Stacy gives him a look. BRIAN What? STACY Alright then. See, this is nice, brother and sister being able to talk like this. BRIAN I bet most brothers and sisters Wouldn't wait until the day the other one is leaving for college to do it. STACY Don't ruin the moment. BRIAN I can't help it. They are both silent a moment. STACY Can I tell you something? BRIAN We've been talking for the last hour, you have to ask? STACY Well, it's just that this is a little...different. BRIAN How so? STACY Well, this is...life changing. BRIAN Everything is life changing. STACY Well let me put it this way. Mom doesn't know about it and I'm asking you to have it stay that way. BRIAN Now you've REALLY got my interest. What's the scoop? STACY Well...I'm pregnant. Brian slams on the breaks sending them both reeling. The car behind them honks loudly. BRIAN WHAT!? STACY I'm pregnant! BRIAN Jesus Christ when did this happen?! STACY About two or three months ago. BRIAN Jesus, why haven't you told anyone? STACY Brian... BRIAN Holy hell, what the fuck are you going to do? STACY Brian... BRIAN I mean, if you have the baby you'll have to find a way to support it. STACY Brian... BRIAN And you'll be going to college in Chicago so it will be hard to find someone to take care of it while you still go to college. STACY Brian! BRIAN But on the other hand if you have an abortion it's like murdering a tiny person...midgets deserve life, too. STACY Brian!! BRIAN What? STACY Shut the fuck up! BRIAN What the hell are you getting pissed off at me for? STACY Just shut up! I know I have a serious problem here and you're not fucking helping. BRIAN Hey don't take it out on me because you can't keep your legs shut! Beat. BRIAN That was the wrong thing to say Wasn't it? Stacy shakes her head. CUT TO: EXT. CRASH SITE - LATER There is an ambulance and two cop cars surrounding Chris' busted up car. Chris is sitting on the back of the ambulance while PARAMEDIC picks the glass out of his head. A few feet away, Kate is talking to a POLICE OFFICER. OFFICER Then what happened? KATE Well, I started to doze off. I felt this really enormous tiredness come over me. OFFICER Have you taken any drugs or consumed any alcohol today? KATE I took my medication. OFFICER Medication? KATE I'm bipolar, and I take medication to get me ‘regular,' so to speak. OFFICER How many did you take? KATE Just one pill. (pause) Well, maybe two. It could have been two. (pause) Actually two or three. (pause) Three or possibly four. That sounds about right, four. (pause) No more than five or six. The Officer writes this down. OFFICER Ma'am if you'll just follow me. Chris just shakes his head in shame. The officer leads Kate to the squad car. FADE OUT FADE IN: INT. LAKE - NIGHT (STACY'S DREAM/FLASHBACK) Stacy and DAVE ATTANASIO are swimming in the middle of the lake, naked. They are holding each other and kissing. STACY I don't know about this. DAVE Don't worry, Stacy. Nothing bad can happen if you do it in a lake. Stacy gives him a serious "are you kidding" look. DAVE The water washes all those... "juices" away. Stacy seems unsure. Dave begins to kiss her neck and she seems to ready to give in. Finally she begins to kiss him back after giving a "what the hell" look. SMASH CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S CAR - SAME Brian is shaking Stacy awake. She finally gets up. BRIAN We're here sleepy head. STACY Oh. An awkward silence passes between them. Neither of them is sure what to say. BRIAN Do you need help with your bags? STACY Yes please. They both get out of the car. INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME Will, Joel, Casey, and Reicther are all sitting on the couch. There are empty bags and bottles scattered all over the living room. WILL What the hell are we watching? JOEL Something called "Degrassi." CASEY What's a "Degrassi"? JOEL It's this Canadian show about teens. It's sorta like Dawson's Creek but funny and with a plot. Will scoffs. WILL (imitates show; doing bad Canadian accent) "I've got to tell you something, ay. I'm in love with your best friend." CASEY (Canadian accent) "No!" WILL "That's right. I'm in love with Edgar. He gives me all the Canadian bacon and maple syrup I can eat...and the mounty uniform really turns me on." They get a good laugh from this. Suddenly Debbie Vandele comes through the door, she is a tad intoxicated. DEBBIE Where is Stacy? CASEY What? DEBBIE Stacy! JOEL What about her? DEBBIE Where is she? REICTHER We think Brian took Stacy to the airport. DEBBIE Okay good, that means I didn't fuck up big time. Beat. DEBBIE Wait, why are you all in my house? CUT TO: INT. AIRPORT - SAME Brian is helping Stacy with her luggage. They walk up to a bench and Stacy looks off screen. STACY Well, my boarding for my flight doesn't start for a few minutes... You want to sit and wait with me? BRIAN OK. They both sit down on a bench. There is another awkward silence. BRIAN So this is an airport. STACY Yep. BRIAN The movie "Airplane!" gave me the impression that they were much funnier. STACY Yep. BRIAN What a let down. There are no Hari Krishna's passing out paper daisies for me to punch out. Another awkward silence follows. STACY (not looking at him) I'm sorry. BRIAN About the Hari Krishna's? STACY No, about the other thing. Brian looks a little surprised and it takes him a moment to respond. BRIAN Oh. I'm sorry too, I didn't mean to give you a hard time. Beat. BRIAN Have you given any more thought about what your going to do about...um, you know... (indicates her stomach) STACY Oh...well, I've been thinking that when I deliver I'm going to put it up for adoption. Beat. STACY I know it's not the right thing to do, but with my condition and situation in Chicago it might be the best thing for me to do. Brian nods. PA SYSTEM (V/O) Flight 26B is now boarding, flight 26B. STACY Oh, that's my flight. They both stand and begin to walk in one direction. STACY Brian, I've got something to say. And it's not hard because we're siblings. See when I first moved here - She suddenly falls to the ground. STACY Son of a BITCH! Ow! BRIAN You okay? She stands up. STACY I broke the heel of my shoe! BRIAN Big whoop. STACY Hey, these are expensive shoes. She examines her shoe, while Brian waits for her to finish her speech. BRIAN Well? STACY Well what? Brian sighs. BRIAN Weren't you about to say something? STACY Oh shit, I forgot. BRIAN (sighing) You forgot? STACY Yeah. BRIAN Didn't you write it down or something? STACY No because it came from the heart, asshole. Surely you can understand that. BRIAN From the heart my ass, and don't call me 'Shirley.' Beat. PA SYSTEM (V/O) Final call for Flight 26B. Brian and Stacy give each other a look. Pause. STACY See ya' around. BRIAN (joking) Not if I can help it. She begins to walk away. STACY Good-bye. He nods. He watches her as she begins to walk down the airport terminal. As Stacy gets further and further away from the camera, the picture starts to blur a bit. It continues to blur until the entire picture completely unrecognizable. All we can hear are sounds of people and the airport PA system. FADE OUT. END OF EPISODE
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