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THE LUNCHROOM
Episode Thirteen
"A Matter of Faith"
Written by
Bruce Snyder
Created by
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Vincent Biga
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Edward Drogos
STORY EDITOR
Rebecca Parker
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Max Majernik
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
Chris Hughes................................
Ellen Conner................................
Cathy Matthews..............................
Mr. John Parker.............................
GUEST CAST LIST
John Jennings...............................
Janice Jennings.............................
Kay Johnson.................................
Mark Johnson................................
Sandra Johnson..............................
Lois Warner.................................
Anne Baxter.................................
Kirk........................................
Joseph Said.................................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER
FADE IN:
EXT. JENNINGS HOUSE - EVENING
Establishing shot.
CUT TO:
INT. JENNINGS HOME - KITCHEN - EVENING
JANICE JENNINGS is at the stove, where a boiling pot
sits. She carefully reading over the instructions of a
box. Suddenly CASEY JENNINGS walks in where a dress
shirt and pants. He also is wearing a bight colorful
tie.
JANICE
Oh my. Look at my handsome son...in
his Looney Tunes tie.
CASEY
Don't I have any other ties?
JANICE
Well there's one with Pee-Wee
Herman on it from when you were
seven.
Casey thinks it over.
CASEY
This one will work.
Casey then starts to pace about, while Janice goes back
to reading the instructions.
JANICE
(reading)
Boil for ten minutes...
She takes notices that Casey is pacing.
JANICE
Honey...
(still paces)
Sweetie...
(still paces)
Son of mine...
(still paces)
Oh boy who cam from my lyons...
She walks over and hits in the back of the head.
JANICE
Cut that crap out. You're making me
nervous.
CASEY
I just want to make a good
impression on her folks.
JANICE
Oh who wouldn't love a young boy
who's seeing a therapist and has an
occasionally bleeding ulcer?
Casey burps a bit. He reaches for his mouth when
suddenly a little blood drips.
JANICE
Speak of the devil...
Janice hands her son a small towel for his mouth.
CASEY
(worried)
They're going to hate me!
JANICE
Just calm down. Relax. Nothing
stressful is going to happen.
Just then JOHN JENNINGS, walks in only in his underwear.
JOHN
Honey, I don't want to alarm you
but I can't find my pants.
JANICE
Jesus, John. Go put some fucking
pants on!
JOHN
I can't find any!
JANICE
Well go fucking put something else
on! Don't just stand there in your
damn underwear!
JOHN
Fine!
John storms out of the room. Janice is unaware that the
boiling water is about to spill out.
CASEY
Mom.
JANICE
What?
CASEY
Mom!
The water has now spilled onto the floor.
JANICE
Damn it! Oh well. It doesn't matter
anyway. I prefer my chicken fried.
Casey, very stressed out, takes a seat in a nearby chair.
JANICE
Casey, you need to start to relax
right now or this is really going
to ruin your evening.
CASEY
He's going to hate me because I'm
atheist. He's going to hate all of
us because of it.
The door bell rings.
JANICE
Then that's his problem, Casey.
You've got to have a bug constantly
up you're ass to judge someone like
that just based on their religion.
Besides I'm sure he's not the type
that would do that.
The door bell rings again. She stands up and walks out
of the kitchen.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Janice enters from the kitchen and heads for the front
door.
JANICE
Coming!
She reaches it and opens the door. Behind stand the
Johnson family. There's MINISTER MARK JOHNSON, who's
dressed in his minister outfit. He's middle aged, very
well built, with thinning hair. His wife, SANDRA JOHNSON,
stands right next to him. She's a brunette in her late
thirties, who seems very bashful. And behind the two is
their daughter, KAY JOHNSON.
As soon as the door is open, religious choir music
begins to play. This greatly confuses Janice.
SANDRA
Oops. Left my Ipod on.
Sandra reaches down to her waist and turns off an Ipod.
The holy music immediately stops. Janice just stands
there, with her mouth wide open in awe.
JANICE
(to herself)
Oh...Jesus!
SMASH CUT TO:
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
FADE IN:
INT. WILL'S ROOM - SAME
WILL COOPER is standing in front of a mirror, talking on
the phone with JOEL MAYBERRY (we intercut between the
two of them.) In the background Stevie Wonder's
"Superstition."
WILL
Okay, now that we've got the socks
picked out now let's pick the shirt
out. There's two choices: one says
"no fat chicks" and the other
expresses my constant hard-on for
Canadian girls who say "aboot."
JOEL
(sighing)
Will...we've been on the phone for
forty eight minutes...are we really
going to go through every article
of clothing that you're going to
wear tonight?
WILL
C'mon, Joel. This is important! I
mean I am finally going out on the
town with Ellen.
JOEL
What are you guys doing anyway?
WILL
We're going to see "Crash" or "Rent"
or some other piece of indie crap
like that.
JOEL
Well sounds like an interesting
first date.
WILL
Actually, it's not an official date.
Joel seems confused.
JOEL
What do you mean?
WILL
Well, neither of us never said it
was a date. Really it's just two
people going to the movies.
Joel let's his head sink down and sighs.
WILL
What was that for?
JOEL
You and Ellen need to sit down with
a pad of paper and figure out just
what's going on between you.
Because frankly, I'm very lost I
know I'm not the only one.
WILL
What are you talking about?
JOEL
You hold her hand every night, but
you're not dating. You spend every
minute with her, but you don't even
know if she likes you.
Pause.
WILL
Yeah, I uh...I don't know what
you're getting at.
Pause. Joel seems a bit frustrated.
JOEL
Dude, grow a pair and tell her you
like her.
Joel hangs up. Will sighs and goes back to looking
through shirts.
WILL
Oh, I'll wear my shirt that has
Bush's picture next to a monkey's!
Will laughs.
WILL
Perfect!
CUT TO:
EXT. ELLEN CONNER'S APARTMENT - MINUTES LATER
It's a building with several small apartments attached.
ELLEN CONNER is sitting on the steps on the building,
reading Alice Hoffman's "The Ice Queen." Suddenly a gray
old Buick pulls up. Will steps out and Ellen quickly
stands up.
ELLEN
Oh Will. Thank God you're here, I
need your help.
Ellen puts her hand on his shoulder and slowly leads him
to her apartment.
WILL (V/O)
She's touching my shoulder. Sweet!
WILL
Sure what's the problem?
ELLEN
There's a bat in my kitchen.
WILL
Oh no probl -
Will stops dead in his tracks.
WILL
Wait! A bat!
ELLEN
Yeah.
WILL
There's a bat in your apartment?
ELLEN
That or rats have finally figured
out how to grow wings.
Will backs up a bit.
WILL
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Beat.
WILL
I don't do bats.
ELLEN
Neither do I but that's because I'm
accustomed to humans. Look all I
want you to do is to get the bat
out of my apartment.
WILL
Can't you just wait till your mom
gets home and have your mom get rid
of it?
ELLEN
NO! She'll just want to kill it.
WILL
Exactly the reason I suggested it.
ELLEN
I don't want it dead I just want it
gone. I don't want to see any
animal killed no matter how
repulsive they are. Please, Will
just help me out here.
Pause. Will considers it.
WILL (V/O)
C'mon. Take Joel's advice and grow
a pair.
Pause.
WILL
All right, fine. But I'm not real
sure how to get it out of there.
Ellen snaps her fingers.
ELLEN
Don't worry, I have a plan.
WILL
Isn't that what Hitler said before
he shot himself?
ELLEN
Shut up and follow me.
Will reluctantly follows her off camera.
CUT TO:
INT. WARNER HOME - KITCHEN - SAME
BROCK WARNER is standing at the stove, in front of a pan
of boiling water. He is struggling to a get a box of
noodles open. Suddenly the box rips and the noodles are
sent everywhere.
BROCK
Oh well. We always have more
noodles.
He starts to pick up the noodles when suddenly we hear
an odd sound coming from off-screen. Brock notices this.
CUT TO:
INT. WARNER HOME - BROCK'S ROOM - SECONDS LATER
Brock comes to the doorway and looks in his room. This
noise is coming from his computer. He comes over to it
and sees what it is.
From behind Brock we can see it is an AIM from
"SarahRose."
BROCK
(confused)
Sarah?
He begins to read the message over again.
BROCK
(reading)
"Can we be friends again?"
Brock seems stupefied by this.
LOIS (O.S.)
Brock?
BROCK
Um...I'm in my room.
LOIS (O.S.)
Could you come out here.
Brock is conflicted. He doesn't really want to go. He
sighs and then leaves.
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN - SECONDS LATER
Brock enters and notices LOIS WARNER, who is wearing a
red dress. She quickly notices all the noodles on the
floor.
LOIS
Um, sweetie. What's with all the
Noodles?
BROCK
Oh I was making spaghetti.
LOIS
You were?
BROCK
I didn't say I was making it well,
I just I was making it.
LOIS
Well as long as you clean up after
you're done.
She goes over to the counter and starts searching
through her purse. The whole time Brock is looking
toward his room and barely paying any attention to Lois.
LOIS
I need you to stay home tonight and
watch Bryce.
BROCK
(not really
paying attention)
Where are you going to be?
LOIS
Well you remember that woman, Anne?
The one we saw in video store? Well,
we started talking to each other
over the phone a lot and tonight
she is taking me out to dinner.
Brock, temporarily, snaps out of it.
BROCK
You're going on a date?
LOIS
Yes.
BROCK
Is that all?
LOIS
It's a pretty big step, for all of
us. I just want to make sure you’re
okay with it.
BROCK
Mom, you don't tell me what kind of
girl to choose, and I won’t tell
you.
Brock goes back to looking towards his room. We suddenly
hear the noise again. He gets more anxious. Lois is
happy her son has accepted this. She leans in and hugs
him.
LOIS
Call my cell if anything comes up.
She leaves. Brock waits until we hear a door close. As
soon as he hears this he goes flying out of the room.
CUT TO:
INT. JENNINGS HOME - LIVING ROOM - SAME
Sandra and Mark are seated on the couch, while Kay sits
on the arm of Casey's chair. Janice is sitting across
from Mark and Sandra on the second couch.
SANDRA
It was very kind of you to invite
us over, Janice.
JANICE
Oh, it's no problem.
MARK
It's good to finally meet the young
gentleman who my daughter has been
seeing all this time.
Casey smiles.
KAY
(quietly)
Are you okay?
CASEY
(quietly)
I just took some Prozac.
John enters carrying a try of drinks.
JOHN
Here we go. Drinks for the father,
the ghost, and the holy spirit.
John starts to laugh, while everyone else is silent.
Casey's smile is now gone.
JOHN
Little religious humor.
Mark looks at the beers that have been place in front of
him.
MARK
(about drinks)
Um, I hate to be a bother but I'm
afraid we can't drink this.
JOHN
Oh, no man it's cool. It's just
this imported shit from Canada.
MARK
No, I mean we can't drink alcohol.
SANDRA
In our religion it's looked down
upon.
Just as she says this Janice is mid-drink, while John
has just opened his. They both look at each other and
sit their drinks down.
JOHN
Well, can I get you something else?
Soda, perhaps?
SANDRA
Oh, that'd be lovely.
MARK
Um, Sandy. It has sugar.
SANDRA
Oh. On second thought just bring me
something that doesn't have sugar
or alcohol.
John scoffs.
JOHN
(under breath)
Or taste apparently.
From her seat, Janice reaches over and kicks him right
in the ass.
JOHN
(big fake smile)
Two waters coming up.
John leaves the room.
JANICE
Well, Mark I see that you're a man
of God.
MARK
Oh yes. I've been a minister for
nearly twenty years now.
SANDRA
Ever since I met him he's been
destined to do God's work.
JANICE
That's another thing. I didn't know
ministers were allowed to have
wives.
MARK
Well in our faith they allow it.
They see no problem in loving a
woman and having a family with said
woman.
JANICE
I guess anything is better than a
twelve year old altar boy.
JOHN
Honey, how about a tall smooth
glass of shut the fuck up?
Casey is breathing harder.
KAY
Casey is your ulcer acting up again?
Casey gives her a "are you kidding?" look and starts to
giggle a bit.
CUT TO:
INT. ELLEN'S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - LATER
Will is standing near the kitchen door, which is firmly
closed. Suddenly Ellen enters, arms filled with various
kinds of incense and a lighter.
WILL
You own incense?
ELLEN
Sure, don't all liberals?
WILL
I know George Carlin's a fan. What
kind is it?
ELLEN
Frankincense.
WILL
What are you? One of the magi?
ELLEN
You are a wit.
WILL
Where did you get this shit?
ELLEN
Kirk.
WILL
Where else?
Will takes the incense and starts placing them in the
small crack at the bottom of the door.
ELLEN
I think if we just light a few of
these the smoke will cause the bat
to fly out.
WILL
All right. Go outside and watch.
You said the window in the kitchen
is open, so I want you to tell me
when it flies out.
ELLEN
Okay.
She leaves. Will takes the lighter and starts lighting
some of these incense. He looks to see if Ellen is gone.
WILL
(talking towards
kitchen door)
Might I start off by saying...fuck
you, Mr. Bat. I finally get enough
spine, not a lot mind you, but
enough to ask her to go to the
movies with me and what happens?
You decide to show up and ruin the
evening...
Suddenly we see a BAT fly and hang in the corner. Will
does not notice anything at all and continues to talk to
himself and light the incense.
WILL (CONT'D)
...Well now it's time for you to
leave, compliments of Mr. incense.
Will smiles as smoke starts to rise. He laughs before
he's interrupted by a loud hissing sound. Will turns
around and finally sees the bat in the corner.
CUT TO:
EXT. ELLEN'S APARTMENT - SECONDS LATER
Ellen is standing watching the window when suddenly we
hear Will SCREAMING from the top of his lungs. Suddenly
Will bursts through the front door and comes running
toward Ellen.
ELLEN
What happened?
WILL
I thought you said the bat was in
the kitchen!
ELLEN
It was when I got home!
WILL
Let me give you a brief news update on
that: IT'S NOT ANYMORE!
Ellen sniffs the air.
ELLEN
Did you light the incense?
WILL
Yeah, why?
Suddenly we can see a giant FLAME arise through her windows.
WILL
Oh, that's right. I forgot to put
them out.
ELLEN
Well go back in and do it!
WILL
A raging fire and a pissed off bat?
Not a real pleasing deal there,
Ellen.
ELLEN
Someone has to stop the fire!
CUT TO:
INT. HOUSE - SAME
JOSEPH SAID, the foreign exchange student, is sitting on
the couch watching TV. KIRK is on the floor, sleeping.
Suddenly Kirk quickly sits up and starts sniffing the
air. Joseph notices this.
JOSEPH
What is it boy? Is Timmy stuck in a
well?
Kirk takes a deep breath.
KIRK
(excited)
Pot!
Kirk goes running out of the house, with Joseph right
behind him.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET - MINUTES LATER
Joseph and Kirk are running for their lives. Kirk seems
very happy.
CUT TO:
EXT. ELLEN'S APARTMENT - MINUTES LATER
Will and Ellen are just putting out the fire with
buckets of water when Kirk and Joseph come running up.
KIRK
Will! I smelt pot an -
WILL
It was incense, Kirk. Sorry.
Kirk and Joseph seem very disappointed. They hang their
heads down and begin to walk away.
ELLEN
(sarcastically)
Oh but by all means don't try to
help us put the fire out!
The two continue to walk away.
CUT TO:
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - SAME
Lois and ANNE BAXTER, 49, a woman with short salt and pepper
hair, sit at a table in an intimate section of a nice
restaurant waiting for their food.
Lois seems tense and nervous sitting in the middle of
the restaurant.
LOIS
Dinner was a good idea.
ANNE
Well I try to eat it every night.
They giggle and then try to think of something to say.
ANNE (CONT'D)
So, how are your boys doing?
LOIS
Great! Yeah Bryce is enjoying the
eighth grade and Brock is...as
happy as ever...I think.
ANNE
That's Good. Yeah, my Allison is
away at Northwestern.
LOIS
Wow, good job.
ANNE
Yeah, all credit to her, I can
hardly divide and she’s becoming a
microchemical engineer.
LOIS
Well someone had to give her those
brains.
ANNE
Yeah, I think Peter did most of
that. He was brilliant. What about
your sons’ father?
LOIS
Um. It's been so long.
ANNE
Are they like him?
LOIS
Bryce not so much. Brock...
sometimes more I realize. Good
heart, noble.
Lois pauses.
ANNE
Oh, I’m sorry. Bad subject for a
first date.
LOIS
No, it’s fine. I wouldn’t have them
without Daniel.
The WAITER brings them their main course.
ANNE
Thank you.
Anne starts eating.
LOIS
It was very difficult back then,
wasn’t it?
ANNE
What was?
LOIS
Being a gay mom, back in the
eighties...Being a gay anything.
ANNE
Yeah, but now, it seems so normal.
I mean, there must be tens of
thousands of families like ours and
the world is still turning.
Lois has relaxed a lot and begins to enjoy the company of
Anne.
LOIS
You know, it may sound silly, but I
don’t think my children are any
more messed up then they would be
if they were raised by straight
parents.
ANNE
Mine either.
They laugh.
ANNE (CONT'D)
More wine?
LOIS
Please!
Anne pours they enjoy the moment.
SLOWLY FADE TO:
INT. JENNINGS HOME - KITCHEN - LATER
John and Janice enter, laughing. But the second the door
closes, they immediately stop.
JOHN
I don't know how much more I can
take of this.
JANICE
Jesus this, Jesus that. Can't they
just talk about what happened on
"House" last night like normal
people?
JOHN
Now, honey. I know this is tough.
But we've got to stomach their
bullshit for just a wee bit longer.
JANICE
But -
JOHN
Our son wants us to be on our best
behavior. We've got to show these
people that we're civilized and
sophisticated.
(pause)
Now where's the Twinkies and cheese
whiz? I was going to make our
guests dessert.
CUT TO:
INT. JENNINGS HOME - DINNING ROOM - MINUTES LATER
John and Janice reenter. Mark, Sandra, Casey, and Kay
are all laughing it up.
JANICE
What did we miss?
MARK
I'm just explaining the afterlife
to Casey, here.
She's about to say something, but a look from John stops
her. They sit down.
MARK
Now, son. People aren't sure
exactly what happens to us when we
die. But since I'm a man of God I'd
like to think I know a bit more
then normal people.
JANICE
You pretentious son of -
JOHN
Here, honey. Have some bread.
He takes a roll and stuffs it in her mouth.
MARK
See in hell you have to pay for
everything you've done wrong in
your life. You know abortion, gay
marriage, the usual stuff. But in
heaven you're rewarded for living a
good life and believing in God. You
get to spend eternity in complete
happiness. Just you and other
Christians.
Pause. Janice has had enough.
JANICE
We don't exactly know what happens
in the afterlife.
MARK
Well, it does say in the Bible.
KAY
And in many other religious texts
as well, daddy.
JANICE
You know, some people believe that
since god is supposed to be
forgiving that hell is temporary
until you paid for your misdeeds,
and then you go to limbo for a
while, and then to heaven.
SANDRA
(correcting)
I think you meant to say "You've
paid."
Janice gives her a look.
MARK
(chuckles)
There's no limbo. Well, of course,
unless you're catholic.
Now John seems ready to jump in.
JOHN
Well, there is no god unless your
religious.
JANICE
Like I said, some people believe
that and personally, I don't
believe that God is vengeful. I
think that you might get out of
hell in some way depending on what
you did wrong in life.
SANDRA
He did helped wage wars is Biblical
times. That's a bit vengeful.
JANICE
(while coughing)
Pride in vengefulness.
JOHN
Then how do you explain Jesus? Is
he just the forgiving Jew?
JANICE
(laughs)
Forgiving Jew. I like that.
Janice and John are chuckling about their comment. While
Mark and Sandra seem offended. John and Janice quickly
become quiet.
SANDRA
He wasn't sent to earth to hurt
people or go against them.
JANICE
Wow you've really read deep into
the life of Jesus. I think that a
point such as that is obvious to
the most illiterate starving bum on
the corner of Petchakasem in
Thailand.
Sandra gasps.
MARK
He didn't know revenge! He knew
love!
JOHN
He knew forgiveness! He said it
himself that you should forgive
those who do you wrong. so why
should Jesus preach what god isn't
if he isn't forgiving?
MARK
(frustrated)
I didn't say he didn't know
forgiveness.
JANICE
No you didn't and that's why my
husband pointed it out.
MARK
I said he didn't know revenge...But
you have to ask for forgiveness its
not free.
JOHN
Wait! So it does cost money?
JANICE
(snaps fingers)
I knew that those damn donations
had to have some purpose.
SANDRA
You know technically, if you don't
believe in God then you go to hell.
John and Janice give each other a look.
MARK
The bottom line is, if you ask for
forgiveness then you to go Heaven.
JANICE
What about with certain
circumstances? Can you get out of
hell then?
MARK
Nope.
SANDRA
You don't just get out of hell.
That's why its called Eternal
Damnation.
JOHN
So if you believed in God and did
things wrong in your life you go to
hell forever?
SANDRA
You can't go to hell and change your
mind and ask God to get into Heaven.
MARK
If you believe in God then you go
to Heaven, but if you believe in
God then you know you have to ask
Forgiveness.
Long pause.
JANICE
Oh, that's bullshit. I've known
some of the most awful people and
they were very strong Christians.
So because they knew to ask for
forgiveness they could go to heaven?
MARK
(without hesitation)
Yes.
JOHN
Why should someone who knows that
they are doing something wrong go
there?
SANDRA
You shouldn't call someone else's
opinion bullshit. I didn't put
yours down.
JOHN
That is because what is being
expressed is a lack of belief and
since it is not possible to call
nothingness bullshit you never had
the chance.
Pause.
JANICE
We're sorry. We just got a bit
excited.
MARK
You've done things wrong haven't
you?
CASEY
(to himself)
Oh crap. Here it comes...
rationalization of guilt. These
guys pull it every time.
MARK
And you knew they were wrong. Well
do you think you deserve to go to
Heaven?
(Pause)
If God is forgiving then he will
give you eternal life if you go
before him and ask forgiveness. It's
not that complicated.
Pause.
JANICE
Let me put it this way. You can do
something wrong and be like "Oh I
messed up, I'll try my best not to
do it again" and then you should be
forgiven. or there are people who
do things wrong such as stealing
over and over again without remorse
until they pray for forgiveness.
And the next day the do it again.
Should those people rightly go to
heaven even though they know what
they are doing is wrong.
Pause. Mark seems stumped.
MARK
Um...yes!
All four parents continue to fight, while Casey gets up
and leaves. Kay follows.
CASEY
I think we need some air.
KAY
Yeah...I think you're right.
They leave the room.
CUT TO:
EXT. ELLEN'S APARTMENT - LATER
Will and Ellen are standing outside of the apartment.
This time they have made a large line of FRUIT that
leads from the apartment to the outside to lure the bat
out. Will is looking bored out of his mind, while Ellen
are gone back to reading her book.
WILL
I thought for sure this would work.
ELLEN
Where did you get an idea like this
anyway?
WILL
Screech used it in an episode of
"Saved by the Bell."
ELLEN
Ah.
Pause.
ELLEN
Maybe it's a vampire bat.
Will gives her a look, as she struggles not to laugh.
ELLEN
If that's the case all we have to
do is open a vain.
Will just shakes his head. Ellen starts to laugh.
ELLEN
Oh come on. You know that was funny.
WILL
Ellen, I give up. We're just going
to have to call some professional
or wait for your mom.
ELLEN
(sighing)
If we have to.
WILL
I'm going around to get the fruit
from the front yard.
ELLEN
Okay.
Will begins to walk away. Ellen, who seems defeated
takes a few steps toward her house. Suddenly her cat,
ironically named CAT, appears and rubs up against her
leg.
ELLEN
Hey, baby.
They cat then walks over and starts drinking from a milk
saucer. Then suddenly the BAT flies out and hangs on the
roof exactly above Cat. Ellen sees this and is terrified.
The bat starts to make loud hissing sounds like it’s
about to drive bomb cat.
Without even thinking twice Ellen HURLS her book,
nailing the bat causing it to slam up against the wall.
Pause. Will comes running from the front.
WILL
What happened?
ELLEN
The bat decided it wanted to dive
bomb my cat so I decided to
introduce to my hardback copy of
Alice Hoffman.
WILL
Ew.
ELLEN
I know there's guts everywhere.
WILL
Actually it was about the book. You
read Alice Hoffman?
Ellen goes over and slowly picks up the book, making
sure not to get guts on her.
WILL
Whatever happened to you not
wanting to hurt the bat?
ELLEN
Cats outranks bat. The little
vermin had it coming.
Will begins to examine the dead bat.
WILL
Well, don't worry. I think the hard
concrete ground broke it's fall.
CUT TO:
EXT. WARNER HOUSE - SAME
Anne's truck pulls up in the driveway and parks.
INT. ANNE'S TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Anne and Lois look at each other and smile. Dusty
Springfield's "Son of a Preacher Man" comes on the
radio.
LOIS
I had a wonderful time tonight.
ANNE
Me too. I saw you and Brock come in
last week and I noticed how good
you looked.
LOIS
Thank you.
ANNE
I like you a lot.
LOIS
I'm getting to like you. Maybe we
could do this again, sometime.
ANNE
I'd love that. I'll call you.
LOIS
Great.
Lois picks up her purse from the floor of the car and
leans close to Anne. Anne takes the opportunity and
moves and kisses her.
They pull apart.
LOIS (CONT'D)
(a little flustered)
Thank you.
Lois tries to open the door, but can’t.
ANNE
Sorry, locked.
She unlocks it.
LOIS
One more time.
They kiss again and after Lois opens the door and steps
out of the truck.
EXT. WARNER HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Lois walks over to the front door and waves to Anne as
she pulls out of the driveway and waves back.
Lois doesn't go inside right away, she leans back on the
door and looks very happy. We PAN over to Brock's window
and see him furiously looking for something online.
BROCK
C'mon, c'mon. Where the hell did
she go!
CUT TO:
EXT. JENNINGS HOME - PORCH - LATER
Casey and Kay are sitting on the swing together. Casey
is resting his head on her chest, while she strokes his
hair. We can hear screaming coming from inside the
house.
After a few seconds Casey and Kay begin to look into
each other's eyes. They do this for a long time before
briefly kissing.
CASEY
If I don't see you for a while
after tonight...I love you.
KAY
Casey we're going to see each other
again. So our parents don't get
along. That shouldn't stop us.
They kiss again. Casey rests his head again. Suddenly
the front door BUSTS open and Sandra comes running out
holding her ears.
SANDRA
Oh god! Make them stop with their
blasphemy!
She walks over and gets in the car. Mark now storms out
of the house.
MARK
You people are crazy!
John and Janice slowly come out. Unlike Mark and Sandra
they are very relaxed and even smiling.
JOHN
Hey, buddy. What has four thumbs
and thinks you should go fuck
yourself?
John and Janice then point to themselves with their
thumbs.
JOHN
John and Janice Jennings.
Mark grabs Kay and starts to take her toward the car.
MARK
C'mon, Kay. We're leaving.
Mark forces Kay into the car.
MARK
From now on, keep your son and your
ridiculous views away from my family!
Mark gets in the driver's side. Casey looks devastated.
John and Janice now seem to regretting what they've done.
JANICE
Son...I'm sorry that prick banned
you from seeing Kay again.
Pause.
CASEY
Well on the bright side he has yet
to hurt me physically.
Mark quickly backs out of the driveway, nailing Casey's
scooter. When Mark drives away we can see the Scooter is
totaled.
CASEY
That's it! First he takes my first
love away and now he just ran over
my second. Well now I've got
nothing to lose...
(thinks)
Except for my family...
(thinks)
Oh, and my friends...
(thinks)
And Hot Pockets! Can't forget about
Hot Pockets. Anyway the point is
when I'm done he's going to be one
sorry Mormon...or Catholic.
Whatever his religion is. I'm going
to see her...no matter what it
takes.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
29
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