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THE LUNCHROOM
Episode Eleven
"Everybody Loves Mr. E"
Teleplay by
Nick Dunn & Bruce Snyder
Story by
Bruce Snyder
Created by
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Vincent Biga
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Edward Drogos
STORY EDITOR
Rebecca Parker
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Max Majernik
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
Chris Hughes................................
Ellen Conner................................
Cathy Matthews..............................
Mr. John Parker.............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Rob 'Mr. E' Edison..........................
Principal Bob Stevens.......................
John Jennings...............................
Kay Johnson.................................
Kay' Friend.................................
Mr. Harry McDaniel..........................
Kid #1......................................
Kid #2......................................
Police Officer #1...........................
Police Officer #2...........................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY
Will, Casey, Brock, and Brian are getting dressed for
gym class. Will and Casey are deep in conversation.
Brock isn't paying much attention.
WILL
Did you see me yesterday? I was the
MAN! Dodging balls left and right
left and right. Man, I must have
taken down five people in a minute.
I was an animal out there, I tell ya.
CASEY
Wow, funny how EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE
happened. You got hit like a...like
a...like a guy who...gets hit. Hit
with dodgeballs.
An awkward pause. Casey has failed in his attempt at a
classic comeback.
CASEY
Can we...forget I just said that?
I'm a little off today.
BRIAN
You're a little off everyday.
WILL
Yeah, probably from loosing so
badly.
CASEY
Again, it's amazing how you seem to
think it's opposite day, because I
was clearly the winner.
BROCK
I hate gym.
WILL
(to Casey)
You're just in denial. You never
lose at dodgeball and you just can't
handle it.
BROCK
I loathe gym.
CASEY
(to Will)
All that losing must have messed
with your mind, because your team
lost! Coach Chase said so.
WILL
Well of course he SAID so. That
overweight, fat fuck loves you.
Brock begins to pick up on the fact that nobody is
listening.
BROCK
I hate guys NAMED Jim.
CASEY
(to Will)
He doesn't love me, he just hates
you.
WILL
(to Casey)
No, he loves you. Loves you like
you were his own. Why else would
you have an A in here? You don't
ever do anything. Hell, you don't
even know how to fuckin' swim!
BROCK
Are you listening? Gym makes me not
want to live anymore!
CASEY
(to Will)
Ohh...so it all comes down to
you're jealous of my grade. Now it
all makes sense: The lies, the
losing, more senseless lies...
BROCK
Is nobody listening to me?
WILL
Oh Casey, why do I even bother?
BROCK
I have mono! I licked all your clothes!
Long, long pause. Brian chokes on some water.
BROCK
Wow, now you listen.
SMASH CUT TO:
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
FADE IN:
INT. OUTSIDE OF CASEYS HOUSE - SHORTLY BEFORE SCHOOL
Casey is walking on the sidewalk looking down at his feet.
CASEY
Stupid feet. I wish I had like
wheels instead.
Casey stops dead in his tracks.
CASEY
Man, that would be so AWESOME!
Casey looks back at his feet.
CASEY
But I bet it would cost money,
money that I don't have.
Casey starts to walk again. After a while we hear a
small engine approach. Casey looks behind him to see his
father, JOHN JENNINGS, on a moped approaching him.
Casey's father rides up next to his son, keeping pace.
JOHN
Hi son.
CASEY
(amazed)
Hey dad...
JOHN
Notice anything different?
CASEY
Well, you are riding a scooter.
JOHN
This just isn't any scooter.
CASEY
It isn't?
JOHN
No.
Beat.
CASEY
Are you going to tell me what kind
of scooter it is?
JOHN
Casey.
CASEY
Dad.
JOHN
This is YOUR scooter.
John stops the scooter, gets off and extends his arm to
give Casey the keys.
Casey is in awe.
CASEY
Are you shitting me?
JOHN
I can assure you I am not shitting
you.
Casey looks like a little boy on Christmas morning. He
snatches the keys from his father and immediately takes
the scooter off screen. We can hear the engine going and
Casey letting out obnoxious shouts of joy. His father
just stands there looking proud.
JOHN
My little boy is growing up...
We hear the scooter run into some garbage cans off screen.
JOHN (CONT'D)
...into a dumb ass.
John shakes his head and walks off screen.
CUT TO:
INT. LUNCHROOM - BEFORE SCHOOL
Will, Brian, Joel, Brock, and Chris are sitting around
the table. Brock is mumbling to himself, writing in a
notebook "I hate Gym" over and over again.
Will is in the middle of explaining something to the
guys.
WILL
Then out of the blue, she holds my
hand. And not one of those
accidentally "oops, wrong spot"
kind but one of those "I mean it"
hand holding things.
JOEL
Will, I'm impressed.
CHRIS
Yeah. This Emma girl sounds really
good.
WILL
Her name is Ellen.
JOEL
So how long have you two been
dating?
WILL
(confused)
Dating?
JOEL
Yeah. Aren't you two dating?
WILL
No.
Pause. Confusion is suddenly aroused.
WILL
Why do you all have that look in
your face?
JOEL
Nothing, nothing. It's just seems...
odd.
WILL
Odd?
JOEL
Yes.
WILL
How is it odd?
JOEL
Well, you hold hands how often?
WILL
Every night at rehearsals.
JOEL
How often do you have your arms
wrapped around her waist?
WILL
Every night.
JOEL
How much time to you spend with her
at rehearsals?
WILL
Pretty much every minute.
Pause.
JOEL
Okay, you still don't see how weird
this is not dating?
WILL
Hey just because, you hold her hand,
wrap your arms around her, and
spend pretty much every second with
someone doesn't not mean you're
dating said person. Hell, it
doesn't even mean we like each
other.
Joel gives him a look.
WILL
Okay fine! I like her! You don't
think I've been too obvious do you?
The bell rings. Everyone, except Brock, gets up.
BRIAN
C'mon, Brock. It's time for gym.
Brock rolls his eyes and gets up.
CUT TO:
INT. GYM - MINUTES LATER.
Will, Brian, and Brock are standing near the middle of
the court, talking. Suddenly Casey enters, whistling.
BRIAN
You seem chipper and happy This
morning.
(brief pause)
So cut it out. You're bringing me
down.
WILL
Good day, I suppose?
CASEY
Oh yes. This morning my dad got me
a scooter.
BRIAN
(sarcastic)
Well, if that isn't the perfect
reason to celebrate.
WILL
A scooter? Why would you be excited
about that for?
CASEY
Because I no longer have to bum
rides or ride the fucking city bus
to go see Kay. I can swing by her
school now and pick her up. And I
can do it in style.
WILL
(sarcastic)
Oh yes. Because a woman loves it
when you pick them up in a scooter.
Especially in front of all their
friends.
As they go on, Brock seems distracted. He starts
sniffing the air.
BROCK
(Sniffing the air)
Wait...Something's...wrong.
Something terribly wrong.
CASEY
What?
WILL
You're crazy, Brock.
Beat.
BRIAN
I farted. Is that it?
BROCK
No, something much, much more...
(Sniffs)
Wait, it is your fart, never mind.
They all hold their noses in disgust.
BRIAN
Yeah...sorry about that.
Suddenly somebody walks into the Gym. It's somebody
they've never seen before. He is young and very large.
He has a threatening look on his face, almost like a
drill-sergeant. He slowly stomps toward his students.
The four of them gasp with fear.
BROCK
Ah I knew it wasn't the fart! I am
psychic!
CASEY
I think the term is clairvoyant.
SUBSTITUTE
(threatening voice)
ALL RIGHT MAGGOTS, LISTEN UP!
BROCK
(under breath)
I hate gym.
SUBSTITUTE
MR. CHASE LONG GONE, SO THAT MEANS
YOU'RE IN MY WORLD NOW! AND IT'S A
WORLD OF PAIN! ARE YOU PREPARED FOR
THAT, MAGGOTS?!
Will and Casey are trembling in fear.
WILL
Casey, hold me.
SUBSTITUTE
(In a very different,
higher voice)
PSYCHE! Ha-ha, I got you guys so good!
The whole class is in shock.
SUBSTITUTE
My name is Rob Edison, but you
can call me Mr. E. Mr. Chase is
visiting family for a couple weeks.
Now, do you want to know what I
have planned for today, or should
Mr. E keep it a...mystery?
Everyone except Brock laughs at the horrible pun.
BRIAN
Ha ha, they sound the same and it's
funny!
MR. E
There's plenty more where that came
from!
BROCK
Oh my god I really hate gym...
CUT TO:
INT. STUDY HALL - SAME
Joel and CATHY MATTHEWS are sitting next to each other.
Both are quietly working. Joel looks over at Cathy and
notices she seems to be making a list of some sort.
JOEL'S POV:
He sees that the title of the list is "Music."
He gasps. He seems very excited.
JOEL
Say, hon.
CATHY
Yeah?
JOEL
Whatcha' doing?
CATHY
Oh, I'm just trying to think of
some music to play at this party.
It's not very often that my third
cousin graduates.
JOEL
What do you have so far?
She hands him the list. As he reads the list, he seems
to be disappointed by every selection.
JOEL
"Five for Fighting?" "Jay-Z?"
(pause)
Who the hell is "Annie?"
CATHY
I know, I know. I don't have the
best music taste ever but that's
the best I could come up with.
JOEL
Hey! You know what? You should let
me help you pick out some music.
CATHY
Really? You'd do that?
JOEL
No problem. It would be my pleasure.
CATHY
Well...how much do you know about
music?
JOEL
Lots. I know all about bands like
"Men Without Hats", "Men With Hats",
"Men who were kicked out of the
band 'Men Without Hats' because
they had hats."
Pause. Cathy thinks about it.
CATHY
All right.
JOEL
Trust me, you won't regret this.
CUT TO:
INT. GYM - LITTLE LATER
Will, Casey, Brian, and Brock are sitting on the floor,
near the corner. They are all sweating buckets, and
breathing heavily. Mr. E notices them and approaches.
MR. E
Hey, Gang. Wow, you guys looks
exhausted. What have you been
doing?
WILL
Coach Chase makes a list of ten
things we have to do each week.
CASEY
They're impossible.
WILL
Right now we're attempting item
number three. Run two laps, then
jump rope for a minute. And we have
to do it about sixteen laps.
MR. E
What lap are you guys on?
ALL
Five.
MR. E
You know, you guys look tired. Rest
up a bit, cool down, get some water.
WILL
I don't know, Mr. E. We've really
go to get that list finished.
MR. E
No problem.
He opens up his grade book.
MR. E
Here I'll mark it down complete
since you at least tried. And you
know what, I'll mark the rest of
the list complete. That way you'll
have all of Friday free to mess
around.
He walks away.
WILL
He is, without a doubt the greatest
human being that eve lived.
BROCK
(under breath)
He's not that great.
CUT TO:
EXT. SCHOOL - AFTER SCHOOL
School has just left out and there are dozens of
students departing from the school. Near the entrance we
see KAY JOHNSON and her female FRIEND standing, waiting.
FRIEND
Hey, Kay. Do you want a ride?
KAY
No, thanks. My boyfriend is coming
to pick me up.
Suddenly Casey pulls up on his scooter. It's loud as
hell. He is wearing a helmet reading "Helmets Are for
Pussies." He turns the bike off.
CASEY
(excited)
Oh man. You should have seen it,
hon. I was coming down the road
when suddenly this bug came out of
nowhere and -
KAY
(overlapping)
What is this?
CASEY
It's a scooter honey.
KAY
You said you were going to pick me
up in your new ride!
CASEY
And this is it.
Pause. Kay seems greatly put off by this.
CASEY
Well, c'mon. I've got to take you
home.
KAY
(pausing)
Um, actually you know what? I just
remembered that I have to stay
after for science.
CASEY
But you -
KAY
I'm sorry, honey.
(kisses him on
the cheek)
I'll call my dad to pick me up.
She turns and walks back up to into the school. Casey
seems a bit disappointed by this. The car behind him
honks.
DRIVER
Hey, buddy! Let's move it!
CASEY
Sir, I'm trying to have an
emotional moment.
The driver rolls his eyes and Casey goes back to looking
disappointed.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY - SAME
Mr. Parker emerges from a door with a cup of coffee in
his hand. Parker turns a corner where Mr. E is standing
waiting to surprise someone.
MR. E
Hiya!
Mr. Parker is startled and spills coffee all over his
shirt.
PARKER
(from the coffee)
Ahh FUCK!
Parker quickly takes off his dress shirt and throws it
on the floor, leaving him in a white wife-beater. Mr. E
is laughing hysterically.
PARKER
What the hell is wrong with you?
MR. E
(gradually stops
laughing)
Oh, I'm sorry man that was just too
good!
PARKER
You don't just hide around corners
waiting to surprise people!
MR. E
Why not?
PARKER
Because they might have a hot cup
of coffee and end up spilling all
over themselves.
Beat.
PARKER
Or on YOUR face.
MR. E
Hey man, chill out. You should
switch to decaf or something.
Parker starts to pick up his soggy shirt, Mr. E is
trying to stifle a laugh.
PARKER
What the hell is so funny?
MR. E
Don't you get it? Decaf!
Parker gives him a look.
PARKER
What?
MR. E
Decaf! You know the coffee!
Mr. E laughs.
MR. E (CONT'D)
I am the MASTER of puns!
Parker gives him another look.
PARKER
Are you on crack? That wasn't a
pun!
MR. E
Dude, just chill out.
Parker gets right up into Mr. E's face.
PARKER
First of all Mr...
Parker looks at Mr. E's name tag.
PARKER
Substitute Teacher. No one, and I
mean NO ONE calls me dude. Second,
I don't even know your NAME and I
have a hatred for you that has no
bounds. The only way that I can
even begin to describe it is that
it is my sincere hope that someday,
by some strange twist of fate that
you get deported!
Parker walks off screen with his soggy shirt in hand and
a scowl on his face.
MR. E
See ya later dude!
Mr. E ducks and Parker's coffee mug flies over his head
and shatters in a thousand pieces on the floor.
CUT TO:
INT. MUSIC STORE - AFTER SCHOOL
Joel and Cathy are browsing around. Joel is furiously
flipping through one section. Suddenly he finds
something he likes.
JOEL
Here we go..."Pedro the Lion." Thee
greatest batch of musicians that
ever lived.
Cathy sees an album.
CATHY
Oh, what about this?
Joel seems utterly disgusted by this.
JOEL
No, no, no, no, no.
CATHY
What's wrong with this?
JOEL
Okay first off, how can you like a
song called "hollerback girl?" I
demand you name me one actual
fucking person who knows what a
"hollerback girl" is.
CATHY
I think it's a girl who doesn't
talk smack.
JOEL
I stand corrected.
Pause. They browse some more before stumbling upon
something.
JOEL
Oh, oh! Hello there.
Joel picks up an album and hands it to Cathy.
CATHY
(off album)
What the hell is "Old Crow Medicine
Show?"
JOEL
It's these guys whose music sounds
like old timey bluegrass music.
CATHY
(put off)
Ugh!
JOEL
What was that ugh for?
CATHY
I'm not that into old timey
bluegrass music...well, not as much
as you are.
JOEL
C'mon, Cathy. Trust me.
She seems conflicted.
CATHY
Okay. But you've got to let me pick
one for myself.
JOEL
All right, fine.
She searches.
CATHY
This will due.
She picks the album and hands it to him.
JOEL
(laughing)
The Pussycat Dolls?
CATHY
Don't you even start with me.
JOEL
"Don't Cha?" How come you can't
pick one CD with normal titles like
"Sailing Away" or "In the Air
Tonight?"
CATHY
You know what your are?
JOEL
What am I?
CATHY
You're a music snob.
JOEL
I am not!
CATHY
You are too. Ever since we got in
here, you've got down all my
suggestions.
JOEL
That's because their bad.
Cathy looks hurt.
JOEL
Look, I'm sorry. It's just the way
I was raised.
(pause)
Now, put the shitty CD away and
we'll leave.
CATHY
You know what? I'm going to get the
Gwen Stefani and Pussycat Dolls CDs
...and to get revenge I'm buying
the best of Michael Bolton CD.
Joel grabs his heart and pretends to be in pain.
JOEL
Cathy, you're breaking my heart!
He continues to play around. She sighs and walks away.
CUT TO:
INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY
The next day. Will, Casey, Brian, and Brock are changing
again. Mr. E walks in eating an ice cream cone.
WILL
Mr. E, are you sure that's healthy?
I mean, you are a gym teacher and
all.
MR. E
That's the point. I always hated
gym, and that's why I love teaching
it. All you have to do is stand
there and tell kids what to do. I
probably do the same amount of
physical activity that an English
teacher does, and I don't have to
know hard stuff!
WILL
That's...utter genius!
MR. E
Yeah. In fact, you could say it's...
udder genius!
Nobody gets it.
MR. E
You know, udder? Like cow udder?
Still nothing.
MR. E
Like milk?
Still nothing.
MR. E
Like dairy?
Still nothing.
MR. E
Like ice cream? I'm eating it.
The whole locker room erupts in laughter. Mr. E laughs
along with them.
MR. E
Plenty more where that came from!
He walks out. The locker room is still laughing. Brock
is in shock.
BROCK
I...I don't believe how much I hate
that man.
CASEY
Ah, good stuff, good stuff.
BRIAN
I love that guy.
BROCK
Has the whole world cone crazy? Am
I in some movie where you all get
replaced by aliens that love
horrible puns?
WILL
Oh guess what, you guys?
CASEY
What?
BROCK
Again, nobody listens to Brock.
WILL
(ignoring Brock)
Ellen let me wrap my arms around her.
And then we held hands!
BRIAN
Oh, Will. Good job, buddy.
CASEY
How nice.
WILL
Well, it wasn't anything big. I
just -
BROCK
Can we please talk about Mr. E
PLEASE?!
WILL
Okay Brock, let's talk.
CASEY
Hey, that rhymes!
WILL
Hey, it DOES! Maybe one day we'll
be as funny as Mr. E!
CASEY
He has trained us well.
BRIAN
Best teacher I've ever had.
BROCK
(Sigh)
You know what? Never mind. Just...
never mind.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY - ABOUT THE SAME
Parker walks out of a door carrying a bundle of papers.
He begins to walk down the hallway when we hear voices.
We suddenly see TWO KIDS standing around a locker
messing with something.
KID 1
Shit dude someone's coming put it
away!
They slam a locker shut.
PARKER
I'm not deaf gentlemen.
KID 2
(to Kid 1)
Way to go spaz!
Parker walks up to the kids.
PARKER
Well, what do we have here? Nuddie
mags?
KID 1
No.
PARKER
Cigarettes?
KID 2
Notta.
PARKER
Dope?
KID 1
Nope.
PARKER
Beer?
KID 2
Warmer.
PARKER
Why am I wasting my time?
Parker pushes past both of them and opens up the
locker. There are at least six bottles of hard
liquor in the locker.
PARKER
Holy crap! Were you guys going to
throw a party in study hall?
KID 1
(to Kid 2)
Oh man! Why didn't we think of
that?!
PARKER
Ok, what's your excuse?
KID 2
Umm...
KID 1
We're holding it for a teacher!
KID 2
(to Kid 1)
Dude!
PARKER
Good one. Which teacher?
KID 1
We don't know his name.
PARKER
Yeah right.
KID 2
No seriously it was some sub, he
said if we held it for him he'd
give us a bottle. Honest!
Parker's face lights up.
PARKER
A sub you say?
KID 1
He made us do it!
PARKER
What does he look like?
KID 2
He had a whistle around his neck
and was making puns.
Parker, excited, runs off.
KID 2
Oh, shit!
KID 1
What?
KID 2
That sub isn't the guy.
KID 1
Whadda ya' mean?
KID 2
It was that freaky History teacher
that made us hold this shit for him.
Remember, he was the guy who is
missing his middle finger.
KID 1
(realizing)
Oh yeah! You're right!
Kid 1 is puzzled.
KID 1
I wonder why we couldn't remember
that.
Kid 2 grabs a bottle of hard liquor.
KID 2
I guess this stuff really does
scramble our brains.
KID 1
Wait a minute! Parker didn't take
our liquor!
Both smiles and start to take the liquor from the
locker.
CUT TO:
INT. GYM - NEXT DAY
Mr. E is talking with some girls. He has some French
fries. A fry falls onto his lap.
MR. E
Hey, it looks I've been assaulted.
The girls all laugh. In the background we can see Casey,
Will, and Brian are playing H-O-R-S-E. Brock is too
busy thinking to play.
WILL
I got to hug Ellen again. I think
something's gonna happen.
BRIAN
Okay, so is she your girlfriend yet?
Cause I'm confused.
WILL
No, not yet. But this might, you
know...break the ice a bit.
BROCK
OK, how about this...he made me
drink alcohol! He told me that he'd
fail me cause I'm not a real man.
Would the school board believe
that?
BRIAN
Jesus Brock, are you still on about
that?
BROCK
OK, how about he didn't make me
drink alcohol, maybe he just had me
hide his alcohol in my locker!
CASEY
Brock, he's just a substitute. He's
not gonna be here long.
BROCK
Yeah, but we don't know how long. I
once had a substitute in English
that was there for three months!
WILL
Wait, I remember you talking about
that. Didn't your teacher die?
BROCK
That's beside the point. The point
is: Mr. E is Satan and must be
vanquished.
BRIAN
Wait...we're playing horse, right?
CASEY
Trying to.
BRIAN
Well...what letter are we on? I've
made like ten shots in a row. And
you haven't even shot yet.
They pause for a moment.
WILL
How do you play horse, anyway?
BRIAN
I thought you guys knew.
CASEY
I think you need three balls for
that.
Another long pause.
BRIAN
I hate basketball.
Mr. E comes jogging there with a big grin on his face.
BROCK
Oh God, here he comes with that
stupid grin. How I hate him. How I
hate the ground he walks on.
MR. E
(holding up a mitten)
I'm a little peeved today, gang.
The rest of the class gathers around.
CASEY
Why, Mr. E?
MR. E
Well, this mitten was supposed to
keep my hands warm, so I tested it
out in my freezer last night. And
guess what?
CLASS
(All together)
What?
MR. E
You really wanna know?
CLASS
(All together)
YES!
CASEY
Don't keep is a mystery!
The class erupts in laughter again.
MR. E
It didn't keep my hand warm! It was
a BAD mitten. And by a stroke of
luck, today we will be playing...
CLASS
(All together)
BADMINTON!
BROCK
(In awe)
Oh...my...god.
MR. E
Ha-ha, nice, you got that one!
BROCK
I have to go to the bathroom. Right
now.
CASEY
Come on Brock, lighten up.
BROCK
No, I really feel sick. Like
physically ill.
WILL
Well ask him.
BROCK
I don't wanna talk to that man.
WILL
Ask him, Brock.
BROCK
Fine...HEY MR. E, CAN I GO TO THE
BATHROOM?
MR. E
I dunno, can you?
BROCK
(Weakly)
Haha...I mean may I go to the
bathroom?
MR. E
Yes you May. Or, should I say, yes
you April, cause...
BROCK
(Disgusted)
Yeah...cause it's April.
MR. E
Haha, exactly.
BROCK
Thank you, Mr. E.
He walks away, muttering to himself.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY - LATER THAT DAY
Joel and Cathy are walking home, talking about the music
selections.
JOEL
So, what did you end up picking out
for your cousin's party?
Cathy shows him a BILLY JOEL CD.
CATHY
Oh, some Billy Joel. I love his
soothing...
(checks back
of CD)
...piano.
JOEL
You chose that because it was the
first thing you saw, wasn't it?
CATHY
No...I, uh...love his songs. Which
I don't want to name right now
cause I know them too well.
They exist the hall out into:
CUT TO:
EXT. SCHOOL - CONTINUOUS
Joel and Cathy emerge from the school. Casey is sitting
near the sidewalk, on his scooter looking very sad.
JOEL
(whispering
to Cathy)
Do you want to ask or should I?
CATHY
(to Joel)
I'll take this one.
(to Casey)
What's the matter, Casey?
CASEY
(sighs)
Oh, nothing. My girlfriend hates my
scooter.
JOEL
You do look ridiculous on it.
Cathy elbows Joel.
CATHY
I'm sure she doesn't hate it.
CASEY
She runs away every time I pick her
up.
Pause.
CATHY
I don't get it.
CASEY
Whadda' mean?
CATHY
Well, if she cares about you what's
it matter if you pick her up in a
scooter? That seems to be stupid
thing to get be afraid of.
Casey realizes she's right.
CASEY
...Yeah. You're right.
He starts up his scooter.
CASEY
Got to go.
He rides off.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Mr. Parker is carefully looking over a stack of papers.
He's stopped by a small group of people gathered by one
of the rooms. Suddenly TWO POLICE officers emerge from
the room with a handcuffed MR. HARRY McDANIEL, the
history teacher.
PARKER
(confused)
Harry? What the hell is going on?
McDANIEL
Apparently it's a (finger quotes)
bad thing (end quotes) to sleep
with a fourteen year old student.
McDaniel scoffs. The officers take him away.
STEVENS (O.S.)
All right! All right! Everyone back
to class!
There are a few groans but the crowd eventually
disburses. PRINCIPAL BOB STEVENS comes in from
off-screen.
STEVENS
He's been here for twenty four
years and he throws his whole
career down the tubes just for some
freshmen girl. Never would have
caught him if weren't for your
little tip, John.
PARKER
Tip? But that was for Rob Edison.
STEVENS
Who?
PARKER
Mr. E, Bob!
STEVENS
What, him? Are you kidding? He's
one of the best substitutes we've
ever had. In fact when he finishes
his stint in gym he's going to take
over Harry's History class for the
rest of the semester.
PARKER
(stunned)
Rest of the semester?
Stevens pats him on the shoulder and departs.
(BEGIN MUSIC MONTAGE: Foo Fighters - "Learn to Fly")
Parker lets out a big sigh and slumps his shoulders.
CUT TO:
EXT. DIFFERENT SCHOOL - LATER
Kay is standing around waiting. Casey pulls up again in
his scooter. As soon as she sees this, she heads toward
the school.
CASEY
Kay, stop!
Kay stops and turns toward Casey.
CASEY
Do you love me?
KAY
(confused)
What?
CASEY
Do you love me?
KAY
Of course.
CASEY
Then I must ask you: what's it
matter? What's it matter if I pick
you up in a scooter? Or a car? Hell,
it should matter even if I picked
you up in the damn Millennium
Falcon.
KAY
Although it would be pretty cool.
CASEY
I mean if we love each other...who
gives a shit what anyone else
thinks?
Pause. She smiles.
KAY
Would I get a helmet?
Casey reaches in and pulls out a helmet with her name on
it. A big smiles comes across her face, and she slowly
approaches Casey.
FADE TO:
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - ROOM - SAME
Joel and Cathy are sitting on the floor. Both are
wearing headphones, listening to music. Cathy seems to
enjoying herself while Joel seems frustrated.
JOEL
First, Hollerback girls now bananas?
This is fucking stupid.
He starts to take the headphones off.
CATHY
Keep them on.
He sighs and keeps them on.
FADE TO:
INT. AUDITORIUM - SAME
Will is sitting down next to ELLEN CONNER. Holding her
hand. They two are laughing at something off camera.
When she's not looking, Will looks at her and then down
at her hand which he is holding.
WILL
This is really obvious
ELLEN
What?
WILL
Nothing.
FADE TO:
INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - SAME
Mr. E walks into Mr. McDaniel's room carrying a box of
his stuff. Down at the end of the hallway, Parker
watches in disbelief.
FADE TO:
EXT. ROAD - SUNSET
Casey and Kay are barreling down the highway on the
scooter. Both are smiling, while Kay lovingly rests her
head on Casey's shoulders.
KAY
Oh Casey, I love you.
CASEY
(misunderstanding)
My pants aren't blue.
She just shakes her head as they continue ride off into
the sunset.
(SONG FADES AWAY)
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
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