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THE LUNCHROOM
Episode One
"Heaven Can Wait"
Written by
Bruce Snyder
Created by
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Vincent Biga
STORY EDITOR
Melinda Waterman
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Edward Drogos
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Max Majernik
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
Chris Hughes................................
Stacy Cifaretto.............................
Ellen Conner................................
Cathy Phenis................................
Mr. John Parker.............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Ms. Diane Ballard...........................
Kate Davidson...............................
Arthur Winchester...........................
Mr. Zimmer..................................
Nurse Roberts...............................
James Kelly.................................
Male Driver.................................
Female Driver...............................
Viper Driver................................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER
Title Card: Previously On "The Lunchroom"...
FADE IN:
INT. VANDELE HOME - BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME
Brian is standing on his bed, messing around with his
ceiling fan.
FADE TO:
INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - LATER
Brian is sitting on his bed. He is writing something on
the nightstand.
FADE TO:
INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - LATER
Brian is once again standing on his bed. This time his
is hooking some wires around his neck, that are attached
to his ceiling fan.
FADE TO:
INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME
Brian closes his eyes and jumps off the bed. He then
starts to struggle for breath. But then, suddenly, he is
slowly lowered to the ground.
CLOSE UP ON THE TOP OF ROPE:
The knot Brian tied it in is slowly coming undone.
Brian finally reaches the ground and his breathing
struggle is over.
BRIAN
What the hell happened?
Brian looks over the rope.
BRIAN
GOD DAMN PIECE OF SHIT ROPE! CAN'T
STAY TIED WORTH NOTHING!
Brian removes the nonce from his neck.
FADE TO BLACK
Title Card: Tonight, on "The Lunchroom"...
(SONG: The Rolling Stones - "It Won't Take Long.")
FADE IN:
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
TITLE CARD: June.
Brian is in the bathroom. He has a shaving blade I his
hand. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He
tries to slash his wrist but it seems stuck at the edge
of his wrist.
BRIAN
Stupid dull blade!
He tries his hardest but can't slash his wrist.
Frustrated he throws the razor off to the side.
FADE TO:
TITLE CARD: July.
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Brian is in the kitchen standing by the fridge. He looks
around to see if the coast is clear. He walks over and
opens the stove. He turns it on as high as possible. He
takes another deep breath and sticks his head in. He
waits.
TIME FADE:
INT. KITCHEN - HOURS LATER
Brian is still on the ground with his head in the oven.
He takes his head out and looks it over.
BRIAN
Is it broken?
After a few seconds of looking it over he notices
something.
BRIAN
...It's electric.
FADE TO:
TITLE CARD: August.
EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY
Brian stands at the corner of a street. Their seems to
be a fair amount of traffic going both ways. Brian seems
to be struck with an idea. He briefly looks both ways.
BRIAN
Well, it's worth it. I've got
nothing to lose except my life.
Brian waits a second before DASHING out into the middle
of the street. He quickly closes his eyes and waits for
something to happen.
Suddenly HORNS begins to blow as cars simply do a quick
turn to avoid him.
MALE DRIVER (O.S.)
Why don't you get out of the street,
Sponge Bob fat ass!
Brian opens and sees that the cars going around him. He
sighs in depression.
FEMALE DRIVER (O.S.)
Get out of the street you fucking
lunatic!
Brian lowers his head and slowly begins to walk away.
Suddenly a small BLACK VIPER quickly swerves to miss
Brian and CRASHES into a giant telephone poll.
BRIAN
(to himself)
Can't even kill myself.
(SONG FADES AWAY)
He continues to walk away with his head down. He doesn't
even seem to notice the crash. Suddenly the DRIVER of
the VIPER gets out of the car.
VIPER DRIVER
Jesus...my neck.
BRIAN
(to himself)
I can't even do the one thing Kurt
Cubain did right.
VIPER DRIVER
HEY! Back off man! His words were
poetry.
Brian turns to him.
BRIAN
(sarcastically)
Oh, yeah. Great poetry. Just like
Tupac or Tim McGraw.
Brian shakes his head and continues to walk away. The
Viper Driver shakes his head.
VIPER DRIVER
Punk kids, don't know good music.
He stands and watches Brian walk away. He looks down and
notices something. He raises his hand to reveal that
THREE of his fingers have been CUT OFF. He seems very
calm and relaxed.
VIPER DRIVER
(calm; to himself)
Hmm...should I go to the hosipital
for this one?
He shrugs.
VIPER DRIVER
This is going to be a thinker.
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
EXT. CENTERVILLE HIGH SCHOOL - MORNING
Establishing shot.
CUT TO:
INT. LUNCHROOM - MORNING (BEFORE SCHOOL)
BRIAN VANDELE, CHRIS HUGHES, and BROCK WARNER are
sitting around a lunch table. REICTHER is sitting at the
table next to them, with a flannel shirt covering him
up. Chris seems to be upset by something.
CHRIS
But I don't understand, why is it a
stereotype?
Brian walks up and sits down.
BRIAN
Why is what a stereotype?
BROCK
Apparently, Chris was called gay
yesterday for wearing a pink shirt.
BRIAN
(jokingly)
Fag.
Chris seems confused.
CHRIS
I'm a cigarette?
REICTHER
(to himself)
Come on.
CHRIS
Look, wearing a pink shirt doesn't
make me gay.
BRIAN
No, but those pants and shoes do.
BROCK
They're just stereotypes, Chris.
REICTHER
(to himself)
Almost got it.
BRIAN
What the hell are you doing under
there?
REICTHER
I'm seeing if life savers create a
spark.
JOEL MAYBERRY and WILL COOPER approach. Joel seems to be
angry, while Will is wearing headphones listening to music.
JOEL
(to Will)
You're not suppose to listen to
music like that!
BROCK
What happened?
JOEL
Mr. Song and dance here decided to
listen to his music this morning
while driving.
BRIAN
What's wrong with that?
JOEL
- With headphones so that you can't
hear outside noises.
CHRIS
Sounds like something Casey would
do.
BRIAN
What's he listening to?
He reaches over and picks up the CD.
BRIAN
"My Fair Lady", the original
Broadway cast recording.
BROCK
Broadway, you say?
CHRIS
So, is that gay too?
BRIAN
God, have you not learned anything
from living in America the last
year and half?
CHRIS
I've learned that I can get a pizza
faster then an ambulance.
Brock chuckles.
BROCK
It's true.
CHRIS
It's also very weird that bank
doors are wide open but their pens
are chained.
BRIAN
That's not necessarily true.
Brian rises his pen. It reads "First National Bank."
CASEY JENNINGS walks up, whistling, and sits down at the
table. Over his right eye is LARGE BANDAGE.
CASEY
Morning.
As Casey begins to look over a paper everyone else
stares at him.
BRIAN
What the hell happened to you?
CASEY
I was in an accident.
JOEL
What kind of accident?
CASEY
Automobile.
Casey then begins to casually read the paper. Everyone
seems to be waiting for the rest of the story.
WILL
That's it? You're not going to tell
us what the hell happened?
CASEY
Oh, sorry. Didn't know you wanted
to hear details.
Everyone sighs.
CASEY
Well, me and my uncle Corey were
out by the mall. We were coming out
of the parking lot. We stopped at
the stop sign. He was talking about
something, I can't really remember
what because the next thing I know
I'm looking to my right and see a
skinny, drunk, Mexican on a tiny
motorcycle going 80 miles per hour.
He hits my side of the car, sending
his 350 pound fat, white girlfriend
onto the windshield.
Everyone begins to laugh.
CASEY
Her ass broke the piece of glass
that flew and cut my eye. I have to
wear bandage over my eye for a
couple of weeks.
BROCK
Oh well. You'll be fine.
As everyone continues talking to Casey, Joel looks up
and notices something. We do a QUICK PAN to the LEFT and
we see CATHY PHENIS all the way on the other end of the
lunchroom. She smiles and waves. Joel gives her a
nervous smile in return. She then signals him to come
over.
JOEL
I'll be right back. I have to go
clear something with Mrs. Campbell.
Joel gets up and leaves.
CUT TO:
INT. EMPTY HALLWAY - MINUTES LATER
Joel and Cathy are standing next to a set of lockers.
Cathy has her arms wrapped tight around Joel, kissing
him all over.
JOEL
(tries to get
word in)
Cat-Cathy...Wa, I -
He pushes her off of him.
CATHY
(embarrassed)
Sorry about that. I got a bit
excited.
JOEL
Trust me, I wasn't complaining.
It's just that I'm not sure you
kiss me so...(searches for word)
"passionately" in the hall.
Remember we have a secret
relationship. (nervous laughter)
It's not really secret if your dry
humping me in the middle of the
hall.
CATHY
I'm sorry.
JOEL
It's perfectly all right.
Brief pause.
CATHY
Can I tell my friends?
JOEL
(confused)
What? No. Remember it's "secret."
CATHY
...Oh.
Brief pause.
CATHY
How about my family?
JOEL
(slowly pronounces it)
Se...cret! It's not hard to
understand.
CATHY
But what am I suppose to tell them
if we go to the movies.
JOEL
Tell 'em your going to the movies
with a friend.
CATHY
You want me to lie to my parents?
JOEL
No. I just don't want you to tell
the truth.
Cathy looks a bit disappointed. Joel puts his arm around
her shoulder.
JOEL
You can tell your family.
She quickly smiles.
CATHY
Thank you.
They begin to walk away.
TIME SWIPE TO:
INT. MR. PARKER'S ROOM - AN HOUR LATER
MR. JOHN PARKER is at the front of the room, writing on
the chalk board. In the room, Brock takes very careful
notes. Brian stares off at the floor. Will is watching
Parker. Reicther is fighting sleep. Parker finishes
Writing with "Early 1800's."
When he finishes and he turns and begins to address the
class.
PARKER
Now dozens of people didn't want to
follow king Louis because he was
crazy. He was very noted for
stopping his carriage to talk to
he trees.
CLOSE UP ON REICTHER.
CUT TO:
INT. FORREST - DAY (REICTHER'S FANTASY)
The sun is shining bright. Birds are chirping. Near the
dirt road we can see KING LOUIS IX (which is Parker
dressed up as old English king) standing near a tree. He
has his arms crossed. He shakes his head and begins to
talk to the tree.
LOUIS
No, no. You're not right.
(pause)
Okay, now your being condescending.
(pause)
You know, I can't talk with you.
Your drunk.
(pause)
No, you can forget it.
Louis looks shocked.
LOUIS
Okay...*that* was racist.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. PARKER'S ROOM - SAME
Reicther shakes his head a bit, snapping back into
reality. Parker is in the middle of a lecture.
PARKER
Now when the colonists started to
propose ideas for this -
There's knock on his door. Parker stops and walks over
to the door. He opens it to reveal MS. DIANE BALLARD.
Parker's smile fades.
PARKER
Sorry, if I look disappointed. I
just thought it was going to be
someone important.
BALLARD
(sarcastic)
Ha ha! There's that famous Parker
wit.
PARKER
What do you want, Diane?
BALLARD
I got it.
PARKER
Got what?
Ballard reaches off screen and bring into frame a giant
piece of clothing with a design on it.
BALLARD
(happily)
I got the backdrops!
A big smile comes across her face. To this Parker gives
her a look ands slams the door. He walks over to the
front of the room.
PARKER
Now the colonists would gather
together to get ideas on how to
handle the situation -
There's more knocking. This time it's constant knocking.
Parker, irate, goes over to the door. He opens and
closes the door as fast as possible. We hear a THUD,
followed by a something heavy hitting the floor.
PARKER
Okay, moving on to the Civil War.
CUT TO:
INT. LUNCHROOM - LUNCHTIME
The place is crowded with kids eating, some talking,
some goofing around. At one table in the far corner we
see THE GANG.
Reicther and Brock are in front of Casey. He bandage is
off and they are examining his wound. Will is reading
from his "My Fair Lady" script. Brian and Joel are
sitting. Eating and talking.
(NOTE: During the scene we never see Casey's wound.)
BROCK
(off Casey's wound)
Jesus!
Reicther pokes it a bit.
REICTHER
Heh, it's like a blood colored
sponge!
Reicther pokes some more. Brock grabs Reicther's hand
and stops him.
WILL
Hey, where's Chris? He's suppose to
help do lines.
JOEL
Well, because he's in this thing
called Peer Helping he gets next
period free. So he went home for
lunch.
WILL
Damn it!
BRIAN
Your getting way too worked up
about this play thing. I mean who
gives a fuck, it's high school
drama.
WILL
Still, I have an important part.
JOEL
You're an extra.
WILL
I'm NOT an extra. I have a name AND
lines.
BRIAN
Oh, yeah? How many?
WILL
(embarrassed)
...Three.
REICTHER
Does any one have tape and a piece
of macaroni? I'm going to give
Casey a new eyebrow.
CUT TO:
INT. KATE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME
We are focused on the TV. It's playing a rerun of "Saved
by the Bell." We PAN to the LEFT to see KATE DAVIDSON
lying down on the couch. She is in her robe with a
blanket covering her. She giggles.
KATE
Oh Screech and your whacky antics.
CUT TO:
INT. KATE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - SAME
Chris is standing at the counter. He is preparing a
sandwich for Kate. He seems to be in deep thought.
CHRIS (V/O)
Look at you, old boy. Here you are,
spending your free period
making lunch for your mentally
unstable girlfriend. How did it
ever come to this?
Pause.
CHRIS (V/O)
I wonder if Kate's taken her meds.
Probably not. Damn it! She can't
keep doing this. I've got to talk
to her about.
(pause)
After lunch. NO! I've got to do it
now. Do what Will says and go a
pair. Whatever it means.
He stops what he's doing and heads out of the room.
CUT TO:
INT. KATE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Kate is still watching "Saved by the Bell." Chris storms
in with a serious look on his face.
CHRIS
Kate we need to talk.
Kate quickly closes her eyes and pretends to snore.
CHRIS
I know your not sleeping.
Chris smiles as he gets an idea.
CHRIS
Tickle police!
Chris begins to tickle her. Almost immediately she
begins to laugh.
CHRIS
(still tickling)
Are you awake now?
KATE
(laughing)
Yes!
CHRIS
(still tickling)
Couldn't hear ya'.
KATE
(laughing)
YES!
Chris stops tickling. After a second, Kate's smile fades
away.
KATE
You British prick and your damn
tickling.
CHRIS
Kate...I know you haven't been
taking your meds.
KATE
(surprised)
What...?
CHRIS
I saw the bottle...it was filled
with M&Ms.
KATE
That proves your full of shit!
(pause)
They were skittles.
CHRIS
(disappointed)
Oh, Kate.
KATE
I'm sorry. I...I just...didn't...I
just didn't want to take them. I
don't like pills.
CHRIS
Why?
KATE
I don't know. I use to have a hard
time swallowing them. I use to
choke on them.
Pause. Kate begins to giggle.
KATE
Sorry, I can't help myself. I saw
that on Dawson's Creek.
She begins to laugh. Chris sighs, angrily. He stands and
heads for the door.
CHRIS
I'm out of here.
KATE
Wait, your leaving?
CHRIS
Yeah.
KATE
Why?
CHRIS
Oh I have to be home in ten minutes,
gotta start my homework...oh yeah,
you've lost your fucking mind.
He opens the door when suddenly...BAM! Kate comes up
from behind and hits Chris in the back of the head with
a large book.
CHRIS
Kate, what the he -
KATE
Piece of shit!
Kate whacks him a couple more times. Finally Chris is
able to push her a away. The two stand and stare at each
other. Chris seems to trying to say conscious.
CHRIS
Uh, Kate. Just wait a minute!
Kate freezes.
CHRIS
I know what your thinking. I know
that not taking your meds has -
KATE
Enough about the goddamn fucking meds!
She reaches over and gives him a few more whacks before
Chris collapse back into a shelf. Two Tea cups fall
beside him.
CHRIS
(weak; off tea cups)
Oh, the irony.
Kate begins to look Chris over. Her angry slowly fades.
She drops the book. She grabs her head. She begins to
breath faster.
KATE
(distraught)
Oh, my God! What have I done!
CHRIS
I'll tell you what you've done.
You've hit with a really big book!
KATE
(distraught)
Oh God! I can't believe I did that!
Chris seems confused. Kate's anger has seemed to quickly
to changed to apologetic and worrisome.
CHRIS
It's...It's all right. I'm okay.
KATE
Okay! I just beat the shit out of
you with a book.
CHRIS
(embarrassed)
Well, you didn't really beat the
shit out of me.
A little trickle of blood runs from the corner of
Chris's mouth.
KATE
Oh fuck! Blood! Jesus, I can't
believe I did this!
CHRIS
Blood?
(scoffs)
That's not blood...it's...
(thinks)
Red Kool Aid.
KATE
Red Kool Aid?
CHRIS
Yep. Just regular...thick, salty Red
Kool Aid.
KATE
Oh, Chris! I'm so sorry. I've put
you through so much.
Kate reaches in and begins to hug Chris. He on the other
hand continues to look baffled and a bit frightened.
FADE TO:
INT. TEACHER'S LOUNGE - LATER
MR. ZIMMER, the Geography teacher and the school nurse,
NURSE ROBERTS sit at on of the four tables in the room.
Zimmer is an older guy, in his mid forties with a
grayish beard. Roberts is in her late fifties, wearing
thick wire frame glasses with plenty of wrinkles.
Mr. Parker is standing at the coffee machine pouring
himself a cup of coffee. Zimmer reads the paper, while
Roberts is busying doing her nails.
PARKER
I don't know how I've gone this
long without realizing how annoying
Ballard is.
ZIMMER
(not looking up)
Well, everyone has their "quirks" John.
PARKER
Quirks? You call ketchup in
Macaroni and cheese quirky? Or that
little eye twitching she does when
she gets nervous.
Parker tries to imitate it but has a hard time. He seems
he has difficulty blinking just one eye.
PARKER
I thought I could do. But anyway,
would you call those quirks?
ZIMMER
Yeah.
ROBERTS
(overlapping)
The very definition.
PARKER
Call it whatever. All I know is
that stupid Pagan whore annoys me
and is going to bring down the
whole musical.
Ballard enters. Her and Parker exchange looks before
turning their backs on each other.
BALLARD
John.
PARKER
Diane.
Zimmer and Roberts smile.
ROBERTS
(quietly)
Oh this is going to be good.
PARKER
How's class?
BALLARD
Good.
PARKER
That's good.
BALLARD
Indeed.
ROBERTS
(quietly)
Parker is going to rip her a new
one.
ZIMMER
(quietly)
Hey, Ballard can get him.
Pause. [The next dialogue exchange is very quick.]
BALLARD
I wanna change a scene.
PARKER
You would.
BALLARD
Because I had an idea.
PARKER
All by yourself?
BALLARD
(fake laughter) HA, HA. Listen to
everyone laugh.
PARKER
Which scene?
BALLARD
The garden scene.
PARKER
...Garden scene?
BALLARD
Yep.
PARKER
B-But...that's my favorite scene.
BALLARD
Yeah, but it drags on. Stevens all
ready okayed it.
Zimmer and Roberts seems stunned. Ballard turns and
gives him an evil smile before leaving the room.
PARKER
(loud)
Don't let the door hit you where
the good lord split ya'!
He stands there, while Zimmer stands up and goes over to
Parker.
ZIMMER
(imitating sports
announcer)
And with the game over Ballard
easily beats Parker by a landslide.
PARKER
Oh, go download some more kiddy
porn, Zim.
Zimmer is left speechless. Parker leaves the room.
Zimmer turns around and sees that Roberts is giving him
a look.
ZIMMER
What? They're "barely legal."
FADE TO:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - LATER
CLOSE UP ON CLOCK:
It hits three O'clock which is followed by a bell.
FADE TO:
EXT. AUDITORIUM - AFTER SCHOOL
Will walks in from a hallway. He is whistling and
looking over his script again. He looks up and
immediately stops whistling. ELLEN CONNER is standing
near the doorway. He smiles.
She looks over and notices him.
ELLEN
Hello there, stranger.
WILL
Hello.
ELLEN
What's your name again?
WILL
Will. Will Cooper.
ELLEN
What are you doing for this little
production? Sound, make-up?
WILL
Actually I'm playing the black
ambassador.
ELLEN
Once again I praise Mr. Parker for
his fine casting decisions.
(sarcastic)
It must be impossible to find a
black person.
WILL
(sarcastic)
Especially a black actor. There's
only like four in the whole world.
ELLEN
Oh, do I detect a bit of sarcasm?
WILL
(sarcastic)
Was I being too obvious?
ELLEN
I like how it's one sarcastic
remark after another.
WILL
You want me to stop?
ELLEN
Pretty please with sprinkles on top.
After giving each other looks, the auditorium doors open
and Ballard sticks her head out.
BALLARD
Sorry it took so long.
Ballard opens the door.
WILL
(to Ellen)
After you.
Ellen enters followed by Will. As Ballard props the door
open, Parker turns the corner.
BALLARD
Ah, John.
PARKER
Eep.
Parker sighs and begins to walk in before Ballard stops
him.
BALLARD
John, wait.
Parker turns to her.
BALLARD
Look, I know we haven't got along
so far.
PARKER
(scoffs)
No shi -
Ballard places her index finger on his lips, signaling
him to be quiet.
BALLARD
Please, John. Your snarling
sarcastic remarks only go so far.
John silences himself.
BALLARD
Look...we both hate each other. T
here's really no way around. We can
try some cliché way to form a bond
like they do on sitcoms but, come
on. Nothing's really going to help
us.
PARKER
Good point.
BALLARD
I say forget the trying to friends
part, but we should at least try to
do this musical together.
Parker stands their, conflicted. After a few seconds of
thinking he finally gives in.
PARKER
Fine.
Ballard pats him on the back.
BALLARD
Okay, good.
The two begin to walk in. Ballard takes her hand off his
shoulder to reveal she has put a sign on his back that
reads: "I hate Black People.."
CUT TO:
INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - SAME
Brian is standing over the sink. In his hand is a large
butcher knife.
BRIAN
Screw that fancy shit. Might as
well just get it done.
He stands, ready to thrust it into this stomach.
BRIAN
(to himself)
Oh, man. This is going to hurt!
Suddenly the FRONT DOOR opens and Brock steps in. He
quickly notices Brian.
BROCK
Brian?
Brian quickly throws the knife to the other side.
BRIAN
(nervous)
BROWNIES! I was going to cut myself
a brownie.
He walks over to the stove, pretending not to notice
Brock. He finally looks over at him.
BRIAN
Oh, Brock. I did not see you come
in.
BROCK
(suspicious)
Hi...
BRIAN
What brings you here?
BROCK
I brought over those sleeping pills
you said your mother needed.
Brock reaches into his pocket and pulls out a white
bottle. He tosses it to Brian.
BRIAN
Oh thanks.
Brock, still suspicious, takes a few steps back toward
the door.
BROCK
Well...I'm going to head home...
BRIAN
All right.
Awkward silence.
BROCK
Bye.
BRIAN
Bye.
Brock leaves. Brian lets out a sigh of relief. He looks
over and sees the KNIFE has his a picture of himself
when he was six.
BRIAN
I can kill anyone and everything BUT
myself!
CUT TO:
INT. AUDITORIUM - MINUTES LATER
The place now has pretty full of kids there are about
thirty different ones scattered around. Will and Ellen
stand Near the stage, talking. She begins to laugh about
something.
WILL
You know you could be a little
nicer to me, considering I'm the
new guy around here.
ELLEN
I'm sorry about that. I just use
those kind of comments as a defense
mechanism.
Brief pause.
ELLEN
Ever been in a musical before?
WILL
Nope.
ELLEN
A play?
WILL
Nadda.
ELLEN
Talent show? Anything that requires
to be on a stage?
WILL
Nothing off the top of my head.
She smiles.
ELLEN
This should be interesting to watch.
WILL
I've only know you for like ten
minutes and already you find my
failure funny?
ELLEN
I'm sorry, I was only joking.
WILL
Actually I'm surprised. People find
my failure funnier and quicker then
you did.
ELLEN
Well, I'm not people. I'm Ellen.
WILL
It's one zinger after another with
you.
Ellen shoots him a smile. Will begins to look around.
WILL
Well, aren't you going to introduce
me around.
ELLEN
All right.
Ellen looks around.
ELLEN
Okay, over there are the chorus
slash background girls.
Will looks over. In one corner of the auditorium there
are about fifteen girls all gathered around, laughing
and talking.
WILL
(amazed)
There's like...twelve of them.
ELLEN
Not to mention they're only in
three scenes.
She looks around.
ELLEN
That is Arthur Winchester. He plays
Colonel Pickering.
Will turns to another corner. In this corner we see
ARTHUR WINCHESTER. He's going got thin bright orange red
hair. He wears a pair of glasses. He roughly 5'6. He is
standing next to TWO OTHER BOYS. As he explains
something to him he moves around a lot.
WILL
(gasps)
I know him! He wore a Star Trek
costume to school in eighth grade.
ELLEN
He's a bit...nerdy. But he's a
really good guy.
She looks around.
ELLEN
There's James Kelly. He's the lead.
Will looks over to another corner. There stands JAMES
KELLY. Roughly six feet tall. Lots of muscle, good
looking. He's wearing a letterman's jacket while talking
to two girls.
Will's mouth is wide open.
WILL
Holy fucking ass crackers.
ELLEN
I know. Great ain't it? A jock, a
prep, AND a redneck all rolled into
one.
WILL
Wait a minute. Isn't he the one who
got in trouble for having sex with
the Chinese exchange student Deb
behind the belchers.
ELLEN
Yep. She went back to China and he
got a week's probation.
WILL
Well that's what you get for
sticking your fingers in the
foreign cookie jar.
She smiles.
ELLEN
It's kind of funny when you think
about it. Out there, Arthur's a
nerd, James' is a jock, and those
girls are working on becoming white
trash. But in here...no of it
matters. We're all equal.
WILL
Oh, I see you're the thinkin' type.
ELLEN
(sarcastically)
Should I use smaller words?
WILL
Only if you plan on using big ones.
VOICE (O.S.)
Actors behind stage!
Will and Ellen gather their things and begin to head
back. As most of the cast head toward behind the stage
we pan to the LEFT until we see the auditorium doors.
There stands Brock, who looks worried. He glances around
and spots Will. He begins to head toward him.
BROCK
Oh Will!
INT. SHAKE SHOP - LATER (NIGHT)
Casey, Joel, and Reicther are sitting around a table.
Casey is about to eat a spoon full of ice cream but he
misses as he tries to bite into it a little early. Joel
and Reicther are looking at him with a bit of confusion.
JOEL
Okay there, Casey?
CASEY
This eye thing is killing me. I've
got not depth perception. I'm
either not close enough to reach
the water from the drinking
fountain...
(embarrassed)
...or another incident with my
girlfriend where I cam up short
with something.
Embarrassed, Casey quickly tries to take a drink from
his cup. But he misses and the straw pokes him in the
cheek. He sighs.
Chris enters the building. He is wearing sunglasses. He
comes over and sits next to Casey. Everyone looks at
him.
REICTHER
Why are you wearing sunglasses at
night?
CHRIS
Oh...uh...No reason...had an
accident and got a black eye.
REICTHER
Really?
CHRIS
Yep.
REICTHER
What was the accident.
Chris freezes.
CHRIS
Uh...I tripped...and, uh...landed
on a baseball.
They all give him a strange look.
JOEL
Their was a baseball on your floor?
CHRIS
Yeah...
(after another look)
So what brings us here tonight?
We hear the door bell ring. Will and Brock enter.
WILL
I can answer that guys.
They come over and sit down beside them.
JOEL
What's up?
WILL
All right guys. Brock has brought
something to my attention.
Apparently...Brian tried to kill
himself today.
CASEY
What? How?
BROCK
Well it looked like he was about to
stab himself in the stomach.
WILL
Plus he asked Brian for some
sleeping pills.
REICTHER
Did you give him the pills?
BROCK
Yeah. But I was suspicious so I
filled it with vitamins and birth
control pills.
REICTHER
(sarcastic)
Nice thinking, Columbo.
WILL
Look. We have a serious problem
here. One of our own is trying to
kill himself.
CHRIS
Would should we do?
WILL
Well me and Brock were thinking
that since his mom and Stacy are
out of town for the weekend we
thought of forming a suicide watch.
CASEY
Suicide watch?
WILL
Well, basically take turns watching
him. Making sure he doesn't kill
himself.
REICTHER
I don't know. That sounds like
fancy talk for babysitting.
CASEY
Do we need anything?
WILL
Just some duct tape.
REICTHER
Are we going to go over there later?
WILL
Nope, now.
CHRIS
Now?
WILL
Yeah. We've got to stop him. Who
knows what he may try.
There's a pause. There seems to be an odd feeling in the
room. Everyone seems to have expressions of confusion,
intrigue, and sadness.
REICTHER
Meh. Let's have ourselves a good
old fashioned suicide watch.
Everyone either nods or says something in agreement.
They all begin to stand and head toward the door. They
leave. We stay, and focus on their now empty table
before slowly we...
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
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