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THE LunchROOM
Episode 1.07
"Politically Incorrect"
WRITTEN BY
Bruce Snyder
CREATED BY
Bruce Snyder
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Chris Hughes................................
Rene David..................................
Carmella David..............................
KKK Leader..................................
KKK #1......................................
KKK #2......................................
Young Will Cooper...........................
Young Rene David............................
KKK #3......................................
KKK #4......................................
KKK #5......................................
KKK #6......................................
KKK #7......................................
KKK #8......................................
KKK #9......................................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER:
EXT. HOUSE – OUT IN THE COUNTRY – EARLY EVENING
The sun is just sitting. An OLD BLACK MAN is sweeping
his driveway. An old pickup truck slowly pulls up to
him. When the car stops, the old man walks up to the
driver's side. The window slowly rolls down to reveal
that the driver is KKK MEMBER.
Oddly enough, both of them act like nothing's wrong.
KKK #1
Good evening, sir.
OLD MAN
Howdy.
KKK #1
I'm sorry to disturb you, but I
seem to be lost.
OLD MAN
Oh, no problems. Where you trying
to get to?
KKK #1
Centerville, Indiana.
OLD MAN
Well, you don't need to worry. All
you have to do is to follow this
road for a few miles more.
KKK #1
Just follow the road?
OLD MAN
Yep.
KKK #1
Well, thank you so much for the
help.
OLD MAN
Your welcome.
Without, rolling up the windows, the truck slowly begins
to drive off. But before it goes too far, it quickly
breaks and begins to back up. The truck returns to spot.
KKK #1
I forgot something.
OLD MAN
What'd you forget?
KKK #1
Go back to Africa!
The truck quickly speeds forward. The man seems shocked
at this.
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
INT. RENE'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rene sits on the couch, watching TV. She laughs at
something on it. CARMELLA, her mother, walks in.
CARMELLA
Jesus Christ.
RENE
Hey, mom.
Carmella goes and sits by her daughter.
CARMELLA
Hey, babe.
RENE
Bad day?
Carmella lets out a dry laugh.
CARMELLA
Understatement of the fucking
century, honey.
She sighs.
CARMELLA
Rene...would you like to get your
mother a beer?
Rene gives her a look.
CARMELLA
Hey, I tried.
She gets up and leaves.
CARMELLA (O.S.)
So, how's everything?
RENE
Just peachy.
Carmella re-enters with a beer. She sits back down.
RENE
Something interesting happened the
other day.
CARMELLA
Oh, yeah? What?
RENE
Remember, Will?
CARMELLA
Yeah.
RENE
Well, during math class he held my
hand.
Carmella opens her beer.
CARMELLA
Held your hand?
RENE
For about six seconds.
CARMELLA
Wow.
Rene smiles in embarrassment.
RENE
It's nothing big. I don't even
think he even noticed.
CARMELLA
He didn't noticed it the whole six
seconds?
RENE
Could be. He is a little slow.
CARMELLA
He likes he.
RENE
Mom, have you been drinking?
CARMELLA
Of course not. This is my first
beer in three hours.
Rene laughs.
CARMELLA
Face it, Rene. This pimply little
teenager has a crush on you.
Rene ponders the idea.
INT. SHAKE SHOP – SAME
Will, Joel, Brian, and Brock sit at a booth. In
the booth next to theirs, sit Reicther and Casey. They
are all eating.
JOEL
Isn't it ironic?
WILL
What's ironic?
JOEL
Well, at school all we do is sit
around the lunchroom and eat.
Brief pause.
BRIAN
What's your point?
JOEL
Well, it's the weekend. And here we
are, sitting in a small diner,
eating and talking.
Everyone continues to eat, not understanding what Joel
says.
REICTHER
I still don't see where you're
coming from.
JOEL
We do the same thing day in, day
out.
Pause.
CASEY
Oh! I get it.
EXT. ROAD – ACROSS TOWN – NIGHT
It's a clear and quiet night. We can hear the sound of
an owl. For a few seconds nothing happens. They
suddenly, about TWENTY KKK MEMBERS appear. They walk
down the street. Some have torches, others don't.
Leading the group is KKK #1, from before. It appears
that he is there leader. He stops them and turns to
them.
KKK LEADER
Fellow brothers! We have reached
yet another town. Let us rid them
of the evils of niggers and Jews!
The crowd shouts in agreement.
KKK LEADER
We will meet back here in a hour!
Everyone then heads off in different directions.
INT. SHAKE SHOP – SAME
Everyone is pretty much done eating.
WILL
Okay. I need to tell you guys
something and I want you to hear it
from me, not some dickhead from
school.
Slight pause. The group listens in.
WILL
The other day. Me and Rene...we had
a moment.
Everyone remains silent.
WILL
If you have something say, now's
the time. Because I'm not
discussing this again.
The guys look at each other.
BRIAN
What kind of moment was this?
WILL
I grabbed her hand and ended up
holding it for a good couple of
seconds.
CASEY
What she think about it?
WILL
Don't know. Hell, I don't even
think she noticed it.
REICTHER
What do you think about?
WILL
Me?
Will thinks about it.
WILL
Wasn't bad. Wasn't bad at all.
EXT. ROAD – AN HOUR LATER
The KKK Leader stands. Slowly each of the twenty members
return.
KKK LEADER
Ah, welcome back my brothers. Now,
as a group we must rid the evils of
the niggers!
KKK #2
Um, sir.
KKK LEADER
What is it, brother?
KKK #2
There are none.
KKK LEADER
What?
KKK #2
They don't got any.
KKK LEADER
Not one?
KKK #2 shakes his head.
KKK LEADER
Well, that's okay. I'm a little
disappointed, but it's okay. Forget
the blacks...let's go after the
Jews!
The crowd shouts in agreement. KKK #3 stops the
celebration.
KKK #3
Wait, wait. Hold the phone there,
chief.
KKK LEADER
What?
KKK #3
They got none.
KKK LEADER
None?
KKK Leader begins to think.
KKK LEADER
They got no Jews or blacks? What,
is this town racist or something?
EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME
Will, Joel, Brian, Brock, Reicther, and Casey are
walking down the sidewalk.
JOEL
See my theory on the whole thing,
is that Han never really correctly
translated what Chewbacca said.
Like when the princess calls him a
walking carpet, I always thought he
called a stuck up bitch, but Han
told them differently.
WILL
What's it matter, what Chewbacca
said?
JOEL
It matters to me. The viewer. I
paid to see Star Wars, and damn it,
I want answers.
Just then, CHRISTOPHER 'CHRIS' HUGHES turns the corner.
He stops and notices.
Chris talks with a thick British accent.
CHRIS
Oh, hello.
WILL
Oh, hi.
CHRIS
I'm new around here. My name is
Christopher Hughes. Chris, for
short.
WILL
Hi, Chris. I'm Will.
They shake hands. Reicther takes notice of Chris's
accent.
REICTHER
What's wrong with your voice.
WILL
(annoyed)
Will someone please hit him for me?
At the same time, Casey hits Reicther in the arm, Brock
kicks his shin, and Joel hits him the in the back of the
head.
REICTHER
Ow, ow and OWWW!!!
CHRIS
Charming little bloat, ain't he?
WILL
That was Reicther.
(points to who
he says)
That's Brian Vandele. That's Joel
Mayberry. That's Brock Warner. And
that fat bastard, we call two tons
of fun.
CASEY
Or Casey Jennings for short.
BROCK
So...I guess...your from England.
CHRIS
Born and raised.
BRIAN
Then what the hell are you doing in
Indiana?
CHRIS
I heard you guys had race cars, so
I wanted check them out.
REICTHER
Who are they?
Everyone turns, to look across the street. We see TWO
KKK MEMBERS. They stand and talk. They don't notice
anyone at first. Then, one of them looks up and notices
the guys. He tabs his friend on the shoulder, and he
looks two. They freak out and run.
WILL
Well, I lot of the jocks are at a
costume party at teen center.
Everyone, except for Chris, nods in agreement. Chris
watches them run. He seems uneasy.
EXT. ROAD – SAME
All of the KKK are now sitting on the ground, thinking.
KKK LEADER
What about Mexicans?
KKK #4
Already checked.
KKK #5
I saw a few hillbillies around.
KKK LEADER
Nah, too easy.
KKK #6
Do we hate Italians? I forget.
Everyone carefully thinks about this.
KKK #7
I don't think we do-
KKK #2
Does anyone have a list of the
people we hate?
Suddenly, KKK #8 and 9 (the ones who were standing at
the corner) appear.
KKK #8
Good news.
KKK LEADER
What? What is it?
KKK #9
We found a black.
Everyone begin seems excited.
KKK LEADER
Where was he?
KKK #9
He was near the Shake Shop.
KKK Leader stands.
KKK LEADER
Brothers, let us rise. For we have
found the evil...and now we must
eliminate it.
Everyone shouts in agreement. They all stand up and in a
group they all begin to march down the road.
INT. PLAYGROUND – DAY (RENE'S DREAM)
A very young Rene is swinging on the swing set. She is
laughing and smiling, having the time of her life. Out
of the blue, a young Will walk in front of her.
YOUNG WILL
I'm coming, Brian. Just wait a
gosh darn –
Young Rene swings into Young Will. Will is thrown back a
few feet. Young Rene sees this, and stops. She runs over
to Young Will.
YOUNG RENE
Are you okay?
YOUNG WILL
I can't feel my legs. Is that good?
YOUNG RENE
Can you feel any pain?
YOUNG WILL
No.
YOUNG RENE
Then, yeah. It's a good sign.
YOUNG WILL
I remember you.
YOUNG RENE
Really? Cause I don't remember you.
YOUNG WILL
Remember when we were playing dodge
ball in gym? You threw the ball at
my stomach so hard that I passed
out.
YOUNG RENE
Really? Oh, I'm sorry.
YOUNG WILL
It's okay. I got to home for the
rest of the day.
INT. RENE'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – PRESENT
Rene is sleeping on the couch. Quickly she awakes from
her dream. She looks around. She sees her mom sleeping
in the armchair.
RENE
That was weird.
EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME
All of the Group, plus Chris are walking down the
sidewalk.
CHRIS
See in our country, things are very
different. Our humor is different.
Our fashion is different.
CASEY
Isn't true that fag means cigarette?
CHRIS
...Yeah.
Casey giggles.
CASEY
That's funny.
REICTHER
(very calmly)
Hey, look. It's the KKK.
Everyone looks forward. The KKK mob is marching down the
street, toward the guys.
WILL
Holy fucking shit!
JOEL
It is the KKK!
BRIAN
Whadda think they want?
They begin to think. Chris seems insulted. They
all slowly turn their heads toward Chris.
WILL
Don't worry guys. I got a plan.
Everyone listens in. Will then turns and runs like hell.
They all do the same.
KKK #2
There they are. GET THEM!
The KKK mob now begin to run after them.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT (RENE'S DREAM)
On the stage. We can see Rene, dressed up. Over on the
side of the stage, Will is sitting on a small chair,
playing guitar. After a few seconds we realize that he
is playing Diana Krall's "Fever." Rene starts in.
RENE
(singing)
My love, My love is mountain side.
So firm, so firm it calm the tide.
Rene makes her way over to Will.
RENE
(singing)
My love for you is a mountain side.
It stands for firm it can calm the tide.
That's why my love, my love is mountain
side.
Rene leans in and begins to whisper something into
Will's ear.
INT. RENE'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Rene is sleeping, with her head down on the kitchen
table. It quickly jerks up, as she awakes.
CARMELLA (O.S.)
Rene?
Her mother, Carmella enters.
CARMELLA
Honey, are you okay?
RENE
Mom...I just had dream where I was
nightclub singer.
Carmella hugs her daughter.
CARMELLA
Don't worry, baby. It's gonna be
okay.
RENE
Mom, it wasn't bad or anything.
Carmella lets go.
RENE
Just weird.
Carmella reaches into her pocket and pulls out a few
pills.
CARMELLA
Here, these will help you sleep.
RENE
What are they?
CARMELLA
Oh, it doesn't matter. Just take
them.
Rene rolls her eyes. She stands up and leaves. When she
is gone, Carmella looks both ways before taking them and
swallowing them.
EXT. POST OFFICE – NIGHT
It's dark and empty. Suddenly Will, Chris, and Reicther
appear and hide behind the building. They're all out of
breath.
WILL
Oh shit!
CHRIS
What the HELL is the KKK doing
here!?
REICTHER
Well duh, they're after you.
CHRIS
(sarcastically)
Really? No shit.
WILL
We don't normally have the KKK
roaming around here, Chris.
REICTHER
Wait!
WILL
What?
REICTHER
Where are the others?
The three look around in every which direction.
EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME
On the grass part of the sidewalk we can see Brock,
Joel, and Brian. Brock and Joel are hiding behind two
big trees, while Brian is behind a shrub.
BROCK
Here they come!
JOEL
Remember. Don't move, don't make a
sound, and if it's possible don't
fucking breath.
They all freeze up. On the street the mob of KKK walk
past but stop when the get where the guys are hiding.
KKK #3
Man, this is stupid. Running around
town for one little black kid.
KKK LEADER
Well, what do you expect. He's like
the only non white Christian in
this town.
KKK #3
Can't we find someone else to
eliminate?
KKK LEADER
Like who?
The mob begins to think. This goes for about thirty
seconds.
EXT. ANOTHER STREET – SAME
Casey is all by himself. He slowly walks down a dark and
empty street.
CASEY
Guys?
A dog howls.
CASEY
Ah, dang.
EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME
The KKK are still standing the street, thinking. We
notice that Brian has fallen asleep. Joel sees this,
and decides to wake him up by throwing a small rock at
him.
BRIAN
What the?
Joel signals him to be quiet.
KKK #4
Asians! That's who we could get.
KKK #6
Hey, you know. I think they have
some too.
Brian becomes worried.
BRIAN
Stay away, you bastards!
The KKK quickly turn to the shrub. Joel and Brock look
at Brian in great disbelief.
BRIAN
Run!!!
Brock and Joel run as quick as the can. Brian hops up
and follows. The KKK are about to follow, but the Leader
stops them.
KKK LEADER
Leave them. They're no threat.
EXT. POST OFFICE – SAME
Will, Chris, and Reicther sit against the wall.
WILL
Did anything like this ever happen
in England?
CHRIS
You mean getting chased around by a
bunch of guys in bad ghost
costumes?
Brief pause.
CHRIS
Never really came up.
Another pause.
CHRIS
There's something else I've got to
mention.
WILL
What?
CHRIS
I'm Jewish as well.
WILL
So you're a double threat?
REICTHER
Plus he's British, so he's actually
a triple threat.
Chris seems annoyed.
WILL
Reicther, I'll hit you later. C'mon,
guys.
They all stand up.
CHRIS
Where are we going?
WILL
We've got to find the guys.
They run off.
EXT. ANOTHER STREET – SAME
Brian, Joel, and Brock are walking. They seem out of
breath.
JOEL
What the hell possessed you to
yell?
BRIAN
I'm sorry, Joel. I don't know what
happened. I just felt insulted and
needed to get back at them.
JOEL
Well you're not Asian, so don't see
what honor you needed to defend.
Brian and Brock seem confused.
BRIAN
It was about Cathy.
JOEL
What does Cathy have to do with
yelling at the KKK?
BROCK
He doesn't know.
JOEL
Doesn't know what?
Brian stops him.
BRIAN
You honestly don't know, Joel?
JOEL
What the hell are you guys talking
about? I wanna know.
Brock and Brian look at each other.
EXT. ANOTHER STREET – SAME
Casey walks all alone down a dark street. He is singing
a song, quietly to himself.
CASEY
(to himself)
I wanna know what love is!
I want you show me!
Casey thinks.
CASEY
How did the rest of the song go?
EXT. STREET CORNER – LATER
Will, Chris, and Reicther stand at the corner.
WILL
Where the hell did those guys go?
REICTHER
Isn't there some kind of special
British trick you do to find them,
Chris?
CHRIS
I'm not fucking Batman, for
Christ's sake.
WILL
This isn't the time to argue.
REICTHER
He started it.
CHRIS
Oh yeah, blame the British.
KKK #8 (O.S.)
There is!
WILL
Run!
They run off, with the KKK Mob not too far behind.
EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME
Brian, Joel, and Brock are now sitting on the ground.
Joel seems stunned.
JOEL
Wow.
BROCK
Yeah.
JOEL
So it's...Cathy?
BRIAN
Yep.
Joel thinks.
JOEL
Huh.
WILL (V/O)
Brian!
Will, Chris, and Reicther run up to them.
BROCK
Hey, where have you guys been?
CHRIS
Well, we ran like bastards into the
night –
WILL
- Then we ran around looking for
you guys.
JOEL
Hey, did you know that Brian is
in love with Cathy?
WILL
Yeah. A long time ago.
JOEL
You already told him?
BRIAN
Sorry.
WILL
To be fair, I have know Brian
since we were four.
JOEL
That doesn't matter. I'm still one
of his best friends, I should have
been told sooner. Who else knew
before me?
Brock, Will, and Reicther raise their hand. Then slowly,
Chris rises his hand. Joel seems so angry he doesn't
know what to say.
JOEL
HOW THE HELL DOES HE KNOW?! WE MET
HIM TWO HOURS AGO!
WILL
Well, we had time to talk.
Out of the darkness, a KKK member grabs each member of
the group. The KKK Leader steps in.
KKK LEADER
Boys, boys. You shouldn't be so
loud. You don't want to make a
disturbance.
WILL
Fuck you, you hood wearing bastard!
KKK LEADER
Stay out of it, kids. We just want
the negro here.
CHRIS
(nodding his head
toward Reicther)
Can't you take him instead? I think
he's Irish.
REICTHER
That's not true. Ask anyone, I hate
the Irish.
KKK LEADER
Shut up!
CHRIS
Mr. KKK...I think you should know
something before you lynch me.
KKK LEADER
What's that?
CHRIS
I'm not fully black.
KKK LEADER
What?
CHRIS
I have a black father and a white
mother. So technically I'm only
half.
All the KKK groan.
KKK #3
Oh, man.
KKK #6
This sucks.
KKK LEADER
Let the kids go.
The KKK let them go.
WILL
You're letting us go?
KKK LEADER
We can't lynch a half black person.
Cause he's half white and we're
sure as hell not going to lynch
white guy...even if he is half
black. It like cancels each side
out.
JOEL
That doesn't make sense.
KKK LEADER
Well, honestly. When have we done
anything that makes sense?
The Group nods their head agreement.
BROCK
True.
WILL
He's got us there.
The KKK begin to walk away.
CHRIS
Are you guys leaving?
REICTHER
Yeah, don't you guys lynch someone
before you leave?
KKK #4
There was no one to lynch.
KKK LEADER
Yeah, you guys need to learn to
tolerate people.
BRIAN
Wait, what?
KKK LEADER
Your town is colorblind. All there
is white people in this town, with
the expectation of your friend here.
And he's not totally black either.
You guys need to learn to put race
aside. You got look past a person's
skin. You shouldn't think a person
is thief or criminal just because
their black.
KKK #5
Or think a person's smart because
Asian.
The Group seems stunned at what they said.
KKK LEADER
Well, we're off. We hear that the
next town over has some dirty
Mexicans.
The KKK begin to walk away. The guys stand stunned.
JOEL
Did we just get a lesson about how
not to be racist from the KKK?
Pause.
WILL
Damn, I'm thirsty.
BRIAN
Let's go get something to drink.
BROCK
I think the VP might be opened.
Everyone begins to walk away except for Chris.
CHRIS
Wait just one goddamn minute.
They turn to Chris.
CHRIS
We were just chased around by the
fucking KKK! And you guys are
acting like nothing happen?!
REICTHER
It's best not to think about.
Chris seems to be annoyed by the Group's stupidity.
WILL
Listen, Chris. You need to relax, a
bit. Your in the United States. You
got to realize that here, we just
don't give a damn about certain
things.
Chris ponders.
CHRIS
Why, not. Let's get something to
drink.
They all begin to walk again.
WILL
You know, Chris. You should hang
out with us more often.
CHRIS
Are you nuts? I almost got killed
tonight.
WILL
Almost being the key word. We're
all safe and sound now.
EXT. STREET – SAME
Casey is walking down another dark and empty street. He
seems tired. He still sings.
CASEY
(to himself)
Whenever I get scared,
I just whistle.
He whistles. We watch him as he walks off.
FADE OUT.
("Keep On Rocking in the Free World" by Neil Young plays
over the credits.)
END OF EPISODE
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