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THE LunchROOM Episode 1.06 "Testing Burns" WRITTEN BY Bruce Snyder CREATED BY Bruce Snyder CAST LIST Will Cooper................................. Joel Mayberry............................... Brian Vandele............................... Brock Warner................................ Reicther.................................... Casey Jennings.............................. GUEST CAST LIST Lois Warner................................. Mr. Kelly................................... Officer Bailey.............................. Officer Holmes.............................. Copyright © Bruce Snyder TEASER: INT. STUDY HALL DAY Will, Brock, and Reicther are sitting around a table. Each one is drawing. Will finishes his. WILL There. Done. BROCK Me too. WILL What did you draw? Brock lifts up his picture. It a very detailed drawing of a Samurai with a sword. BROCK I drew a samurai. What about you? Will lifts his drawing. It's a picture of a World War Two solider. WILL I drew a foot solider. BROCK Cool. What'd you drew, Reicther? Reicther holds up his. It's a drawing of an evil looking teddy bear destroying a city. WILL What...the hell is that? REICTHER A carebear destroying Tokyo. Will and Brock begin to stare at the drawing in disbelieve. OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. AFTER CREDITS: INT. WHITE ROOM NEXT DAY Will is sitting at a desk, with Brock next to him. At the front of the room, MR. KELLY is explaining something. KELLY Then you fill in the bubble. Not a third of the way, not half way but all the way in. Will sighs. KELLY Now, this test is going to take about two hours. So take your time ...unless youre behind then you probably need to catch up. Kelly looks up at the clock. KELLY You may begin. Everyone in the class opens up their test booklets and begin to read. Will carefully studies what he has in front of him. WILL (O.S.) Two hours? Jesus, that's a lot of time. It must be a really hard test if it takes two hours. Ya' know I could watch a movie in that time. Mostly comedies those are usually short. And horror films. Man, it's been a while since I've seen a good horror film. KELLY There is about an hour and forty minutes left. WILL (O.S.) Holy shit! I spent the first twenty minutes talking to myself. I gotta stop talking, and get to work. Work, that's what I should do. I also gotta remember to stop by and get haircut after school. Will looks up at the clock. Two minutes have gone. WILL (O.S.) Jesus, Will. Shut the fuck up and get to work. This test determines everything. Your life, job, what kind of women you end up getting. God, I'm killing myself over these testes. Will looks up again. Two more minutes have pasted. WILL (O.S.) Fuck this. Just put down the first thing that comes to mind. Will begins to write. INT. SWIMMING POOL SAME Joel and Reicther are swimming across the pool. Halfway through they stop and hold on to the wall. REICTHER (out of breath) I'm not cut out for this kind of stuff. JOEL Don't worry, Reicther. If we pass 13 more tests in here we get a failing grade. Reicther groans. He then notices something, and looks around. REICTHER Where's Casey? They both look all ways. Joel reaches into the water and pulls up Casey by the head. Casey begins to gasp for air. JOEL Holy shit! REICTHER How long were you down there for? CASEY (out of breath) Just a few seconds. JOEL Can't you swim? CASEY (out of breath) No. Not really. JOEL What were you doing? CASEY (out of breath) The sink or float test and I think I just failed. INT. LUNCHROOM LATER IN THE DAY Will, Joel, Brian, Brock, Reicther, and Casey sit around the table. All of them are eating except for Casey, who reads a magazine. Suddenly Reicther begin to scratch his head very quickly and violently. WILL What's the matter with you? REICTHER My brain itches. Probably from all this tests. JOEL Normal people's brains don't itch. REICTHER Yeah, normal people's. Reicther continues to itch. CASEY Hey, listen to this. You know that in Denmark, Vader means father? Shit. George Lucas is sneaky little bastard. Hell, told us all along from the beginning and we didn't catch on till he cut off Luke's hand. BROCK I had to take a three hour test today over math. BRIAN I had to take an hour and a half English test. WILL I swear these tests are going to be the death of me. CASEY Holy crap! JOEL What? CASEY Chewbacca was an alien! While Casey is shocked, the others stare at him. INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM - AFTER SCHOOL Brock enters through the door. He sighs. He drops his bag by the door. INT. BROCK'S HOUSE KITCHEN SECONDS LATER Brock is at the counter making himself a sandwich. When he finishes he puts it on a plate and walks out with it. INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM SAME Brock walks with the sandwich over to the couch. He sits the plate right on the little table in front of him. He grabs the remote next to him, and turns the TV on. He begins to flip channels before BOOM! A brick comes flying through the window. He lands right on Brock's sandwich, which explodes all on too Brock's face. Brock just sits for a moment, not moving at all. Finally He turns his head a little in the left. BROCK Mom, I think we might have a problem. INT. SWIMMING POOL SAME The place is empty with exception of Casey and Joel. Casey is in his bathing suit while Joel is dressed normally. JOEL Okay, first off we're going to work on your treading water. CASEY What's that? JOEL Basically all you've got to do is keep yourself about water for about two minutes. Think you can do that? CASEY Yep. Casey jumps in. He grabs onto the wall. JOEL Ready? Casey nods. JOEL Go! Casey lets go of the wall and tries to keep himself a float. He quickly retreats to the wall. JOEL What the hell was that? CASEY I treaded water. Joel looks at Casey, with a look. JOEL For about five seconds. CASEY Oh c'mon...it was seven. JOEL You can't even tread water for ten damn seconds? CASEY Sorry...without the wall I started panicking. Joel sighs. JOEL How are we going to work through this? Joel begins to think. INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM SAME Brian walks up and answers the door. Will walks in. WILL I'm sorry, but I was going fucking bonkers at my place. BRIAN Me too. WILL I've been studying my ass off all afternoon. Both of them walk over to Brian's couch and sit down. Pause. BRIAN There's gotta be something to do, to calm us down or something. WILL Well, most of the seniors take speed. BRIAN Isn't that some kind of energy drink? Will gives Brian a look. WILL (sarcastically) Yeah. That's what it is. You should try it some time. Pause. The two begin to think. BRIAN I know what will calm us down. WILL What? A big smile comes across Brian's face. INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM SAME Lois and Brock are sitting on the couch. Lois is checking Brock's head. LOIS Well, your head seems fine. Did you get hurt at all? Brock looks over at the table. He sees the brick which has crushed his sandwich. BROCK Only emotionally. There's a knock at the door. LOIS That must be the police. Lois gets up and answers the door. OFFICERS BAILEY and HOLMES are at the door. BAILEY Are you the one that called in the disturbance? LOIS Yes. Yes I am. Please come in. Bailey and Holmes enters. Lois sits in back down on the couch with Brock. Bailey and Holmes sit in the two armchairs. EXT. BRIAN'S HOUSE BACKYARD EARLY EVENING The sun is beginning to set. In the middle of the yard we see Brian putting papers into a box. Will comes out the backdoor. He is carrying a stack of papers too. WILL Okay, I got as many of my school papers as I could spare. BRIAN Okay. Put them in the box. WILL What for? BRIAN You'll see. Will puts his papers into the box. Brian pulls out a bottle a lighter fluid. He begins to pour some into the box. BRIAN (while spraying) You know I thought and thought and thought of some way to lift our emotions up. I thought of tons of things but none of them seemed to be the right thing. That's until I thought of this. Brian finishes up the bottle (he has just sprayed an enter bottle of lighter fluid into the box.) WILL You're not going to do...what I think you're going to do, are you? BRIAN What? No. That would be stupid. I'm just going to light this box on fire. Brian pulls out a lighter. He lights it and tosses into the box. The box explodes with flames. The fire stays in the box. WILL Are you fucking nuts? BRIAN C'mon, Will. Doesn't this feel good to see all the bullshit school throws us burning up into a million pieces? Will seems like he is going to yell at Brian, but takes a look a the fire. He reconsiders this idea. Will reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. WILL This is a biology test that I didn't study for. I failed it. Will tosses it into the fire. Brian smiles. WILL (yelling) See ya' in hell human evolution test! BRIAN There you go. That's the spirit. WILL What else could we burn? They look at each other for a brief second before slowly turning their heads toward Brian's house. They look at each other again before running in. INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM SAME Bailey and Holmes are still where they are. Brock is twiddling his thumbs while Lois is sitting up, talking to the cops. BAILEY Do have any idea why someone might throw a brick through your window? LOIS Not off the top of my head. BAILEY (to Brock) What about you son? Brock shakes his head. BAILEY Do you have a history of anger, Ms. Warner? LOIS What? BAILEY It's just a common question. LOIS ...Not really. Holmes' phone rings. HOLMES Sorry. He gets up and walks out of the room. BAILEY What were you doing before the incident? Lois looks a little nervous. LOIS Before? EXT. BROCK'S HOUSE DAY (FLASHBACK) It's a few seconds before the incident. Lois is walking on the sidewalk. When she gets on the driveway she notices a MAN in her garden bed, which is in front of the window. LOIS I know you asshole! The man hears this, and begins to take some of the flowers. LOIS You're the dickhead whose been stealing my flowers. The man continues to take. Lois looks around her feet. She sees a brick and picks it up. The man stands up. Lois hurls the brick. The man runs away before it even gets near him. The brick breaks the window. She gasps in horror. LOIS (to herself) Please, God. Don't let me have hit one of my kids. BROCK (O.S.) Mom! INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVIING ROOM PRESENT Lois tries to think of something to say. LOIS Um...jogging. I was out jogging. Holmes comes back into the room. HOLMES Bailey? BAILEY Yeah. HOLMES Norton says that there's a kid at the station who saw the person do it. Lois looks worried. HOLMES The kid said is was some big fat lesbian. Lois goes from worried, to angry. LOIS (to herself) I'm not fat or big, you little shit. Bailey stands up. BAILEY Well, we'll be going now, Ms. Warner. We'll tell you if anything comes up. Bailey and Holmes leave. Brock begin to stare at his mother. Lois sighs in relief, but noticing Brock. LOIS If you shut up I'll make you a sandwich. BROCK Deal. INT. SWIMMING POOL SAME Casey is in the pool struggling to say up. He finally gives up and holds onto the wall. CASEY How long? Joel looks up at the clock. JOEL (sighing) About twenty seconds. CASEY Hey, I'm really getting up there. EXT. BRIAN'S HOUSE BACKYARD SAME Brian and Will sit in lawn chairs, watching the box fire. BRIAN Feel better? WILL As odd as this sounded, it was pretty cool. BRIAN I don't know but you, but sometimes it makes me happy to see something that pisses me off burn to a crisp. They both laugh. Suddenly one of the sides of the box, burns up. The fire quickly spreads to the grass. WILL Oh shit! BRIAN Don't worry, it's a controlled fire. The fire then spreads from his lawn to Brian's garage. The two watch in a amazement as the side of it, catches on fire. Will stands and runs off. Brian stays and continues to stare in disbelief. After a few seconds of watching, Will returns. WILL Forgot my drink. He grabs his drink, which was lying on the ground and runs off again. Brian continues to stay. FADE OUT. ("Pretty Vacant" by The Sex Pistols plays overs the credits.) END OF EPISODE
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