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THE LunchROOM Episode 1.02 "A Tale of Two Brides: A Mormon's Tale" WRITTEN BY Bruce Snyder CREATED BY Bruce Snyder CAST LIST Will Cooper................................. Joel Mayberry............................... Brian Vandele............................... Brock Warner................................ Reicther.................................... Casey Jennings.............................. GUEST CAST LIST Jordan Jones................................ Mr. Zimmer.................................. Richard..................................... Michael Hunsinger........................... Erica Thompson.............................. Mrs. Harris................................. Brian's Mother.............................. Copyright © Bruce Snyder TEASER: INT. HALLWAY - DAY Joel and Casey are standing by the water fountain. Casey is getting a drink. JOEL You've got to realize something. Casey. Women are very different in this subject. CASEY (finishing up drink) Not really. JOEL Bullshit. When men get angry we start wars. Women...they eat. Casey smiles. They two begin to walk down the hallway. JOEL Oh, did you hear about Brock. CASEY No. What happened? JOEL His two moms were trying to renew their vows over the weekend, and the priest refused to do it. CASEY What? Really? JOEL Yep. He said, "A woman should only marry a man." Just then JORDAN JONES walks up behind them. JORDAN Who should only marry a man? JOEL Uh... CASEY Brock's mom. Joel seems mad at Casey's stupidity. JORDAN Is Brock's mom gay? JOEL Well I woul CASEY Oh, yeah. Definitely. Joel elbows Casey. Jordan doesn't seem to like this. CASEY See, a priest wouldn't let her renew her vows over the weekend. JORDAN Well, good for him. JOEL Good? CASEY Wait, I think you misheard me, I said Brock's mom was trying to get married and couldn't JORDAN Yeah. I then I congratulated him. Joel and Casey still seem confused. JORDAN Gays shouldn't be allowed to marry. Jordan walks off, acting like nothing happened. Casey and Joel seem stunned by this. OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. CUT TO: INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS - SAME Will and Reicther are sitting next to each other. They are working on a group project, just like the rest of the class. Reicther is counting several pencils. WILL What in the hell are you doing? REICTHER I am counting my pencils. WILL Why do you have so many pencils? REICTHER Because I want to be prepared. WILL Prepared for what? Reicther gives a creepy smile. REICTHER You'll see. Will seems confused by this. MR. ZIMMER walks up to their group. ZIMMER Hey, guys. I'm going to give you an extra guy for you group. That okay? WILL Sure. ZIMMER (calling out) Over here, Richard. RICHARD, who is crippled and uses a wheelchair, rolls over to their group. Will and Reicther act like they've never seen anything like these before. REICTHER Hey, he doesn't have any legs. Will and hits Reicther. REICTHER Sorry. INT. HEAD OFFICE - SAME MRS. HARRIS is behind the front desk, typing away. Brian enters. BRIAN Hi. HARRIS Hello. BRIAN I'm from Mr. Anderson's math class. He sent me here so I could use the phone. HARRIS Oh. Well it's over there. Brian walks over to a small booth in the corner. The booth has a phone attached to it. He dials a couple of numbers and waits for response. VOICE (O.S.) Hello, Reid Memorial hospital. How can I help? BRIAN Is Debbie Vandele there? VOICE (O.S.) One moment. Please hold. The song "Every Rose Has a Thorn" begins to play over the phone. BRIAN (to himself) I like this song. As he waits he begins to slowly bob his head to the music. BRIAN Every rose has its thorn. Just like every night has its dawn. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - SAME Jordan is sitting against the wall. Next to him sit ERICA THOMPSON, MICHAEL HUNSINGER. A few feet down sit Joel and Casey. Both groups are working on papers. JORDAN I don't think they should be allowed to. God did not want people to do this. JOEL (to himself) Not this asshole again. JORDAN In the bible it says "a man shall not lay with another man." MICHAEL Hey, calm down, Archie Bunker. Just then, Brock walks up and sits down in the middle of Casey and Joel. BROCK Okay, got the information. CASEY You missed it, Brock. BROCK Missed what? CASEY Jordan is preaching about how bad gays are. Brock seems upset and angry. BROCK What? JORDAN (in the middle of some big speech) ...and the world is going to end. All because a man, decided he liked men. Joel and Casey begin to laugh hard at this. Brock smiles, but is still angry. Casey laughs so hard, that he falls over. Michael and Erica laugh at Casey. ERICA What's so funny? CASEY (laughing hard) That...guy. JORDAN Me? What did I do? Joel and Casey laugh even harder the fact he doesn't know. JOEL You really believe gays are going to bring about the end of the world? Beat. JORDAN Yeah. Joel and Casey explode into laughter. Erica seems confused, while Michael and Brock work and try to stay out of the conversation. Jordan has a serious look on his face. JOEL Oh don't feel bad. We don't think your stupid, just your views and ideas. CUT TO: INT. OFFICE BOOTH MINUTES LATER Brian still stands, still on hold. Now the song is Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer." BRIAN (singing) Oh, I wanna be a sledge hammer. Why don't you call my name? CUT TO: INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS SAME Richard and Will are looking at a paper, working. Reicther is just staring at Richard. WILL Well, that spot has to work then. RICHARD It does? WILL Yeah, cause if you look around it, most of the oil deposits are there. RICHARD Yeah, youre right. Richard begins to write. Will takes notice of Reicther. WILL What the hell are you doing? REICTHER He's like a train wreck. I want to look away, but I just can't help it. Richard looks up at him, shocked. RICHARD Excuse me? REICTHER I'm sorry. It's just that I've never meet a guy without legs before. Richard still seems shocked, while Will has his head in hands. Too embarrassed to look at Reicther. REICTHER I mean the closet I've ever met to one of your kind was this guy was missing three fingers on one hand. They called him "butterfingers." Because he accidentally slipped his hand into a saw. In fact that's how he lost his fingers to begin with. Richard just stares at him. Pause. REICTHER Well, let's get to work. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY SAME Joel, Brock, Casey, Jordan, Erica, and Michael are still there. Joel and Casey have big smiles on their faces. Jordan looks serious. Brock seems angry. Erica seems worried. Michael works. JOEL Hate to tell you this, Jordan. Gays aren't going to be the end of the world. In fact the only way gays are going to end the world is if a gay terrorist blows up the world. Or if the Queer eyes gain too much power. JORDAN No, they are going the reason the world ends. JOEL No. JORDAN Yes. JOEL No. JORDAN Yes. JOEL Yes. Everyone looks at him, confused. JOEL Sorry, I had a bugs bunny moment there. BROCK You know some gay people can't help it. They were just born that way. JORDAN No one is born gay. Brock is now anger then ever. BROCK (to himself) I'm going to kill you. JORDAN What? BROCK I said I'm going to have to get another pencil. Brock gets up and leaves. CUT TO: INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS SAME Richard and Reicther talk, while Will tries to stay out of the conversation by working on the paper. REICTHER Listen, Rich. I'm sorry for what I said. I guess I don't have a lot of manners. RICHARD It's okay. I get it a lot. Richard looks down at the paper in front of him and begins to read. Pause. REICTHER Can you still feel pain in your legs? RICHARD (not looking up) No. Not really. Brief pause. WILL Reicther, make your self useful and go find one of those geography books with a good map of Iraq. REICTHER Okay. Reicther stands up and leaves. WILL I'm sorry, Richard. RICHARD It's okay. WILL I mean, really. I apologize a million times over. RICHARD Really, it's okay. I just want to get to work and get this done. WILL Okay, sounds fine to me. The two get back to work. CUT TO: INT. OFFICE BOOTH SAME Brian is still on hold. This time the song is "Land of Confusion" by Genesis. This time someone picks up the phone. VOICE (O.S.) Hello? BRIAN Mom? Is that you? VOICE (O.S.) Oh, hi, Brian. What are you doing, calling in the middle of the day? BRIAN Could you do me a favor, mom? VOICE (O.S.) What? BRIAN Put me back on hold. Pause. VOICE (O.S.) I don't under BRIAN Put me back on hold, I like that song. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY SAME Joel, Brock, Casey, Jordan, Erica, and Michael are still there. It appears that Joel and Jordan are in a heated argument. JOEL It's silly. JORDAN No. It's not silly to live your life by the bible. CASEY It is if you take it too seriously. JOEL No offense or anything Jordan. But I don't think anyone agrees with you anyhow. BROCK I don't. CASEY Me either. MICHAEL Anything to shut him up. JOEL Of course, I don't agree. What about you, Erica? ERICA Well, actually...I agree with him. CASEY What? JOEL Why? ERICA Well the bible does say that it is wrong. And it's kinda hard to dismiss the bible. Joel sighs. CUT TO: INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS SAME Will and Richard are laughing and seemly having a good time. Reicther comes up with a book. REICTHER Here it is, I finally found it. Will looks at it. WILL That's a book about Iran. REICTHER Ahhh. Reicther goes back. RICHARD Not too bright is he? WILL No. No he isn't. The two of them chuckle. WILL Hey, Rich. Since class is almost over RICHARD Yeah? WILL I need to ask you something. RICHARD What is it? Will signals him to lean in. He does so. Will begins to whisper softly into Richard's ear. At first, Richard seems curious but that all changes to anger. RICHARD God damn it, man! WILL Sorry, sorry. Just curious. RICHARD Well, you should know that curiosity killed the damn cat. Will looks around and notices that everyone is staring at them. Just then the bell rings. INT. HALLWAY SAME Joel, Casey, and Brock quickly get up and begin to walk very fast. BROCK Thank God. JOEL I know. I couldn't stand to be in the idiot sandwich much longer. They sped off. INT. OUTSIDE OF GEORGRAPHY CLASS SAME Reicther and Will are leaving. Behind them, Richard follows. WILL Hey, Richard. I was jus - Richard speeds off, angrily. Will and Reicther begin to walk down the crowded hallway. REICTHER Call me crazy, but I think we upset Richard. They begin to walk. REICTHER I hope you know you're an idiot, Will. WILL Sorry. I was just curious, is all. REICTHER It's not right to ask a cripple if his penis is still working. WILL I'm nervous when I meet new people. Pause. WILL Well at least I didn't fall out of my chair. REICTHER He was coming right for me. WILL He tapped you on the shoulder. REICTHER So. You know I have a phobia of being touched. Will begins to laugh. WILL You know, it's going to be really funny to watch you have a girlfriend with that type of phobia. They turn the corner and disappear. CUT TO: INT. OFFICE - BOOTH SAME Brian is now sitting with his back against the wall. Mrs. Harris comes up. HARRIS I think it's time for you to go back to class. BRIAN Can you just give me a few more minutes? I mean my mom works at a hospital. HARRIS Oh, okay. She walks away. Brian goes back to listening to Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name." CUT TO: INT. LUNCHROOM SAME Will, Joel, Brock, Reicther, and Casey sit around a circle table. They eat and talk. WILL Then what does he say? BROCK He says that they're going to bring about the apocalypse. Will and Reicther begin to laugh. REICTHER What an idiot. WILL I know why he said that. JOEL Why? Jordan walks by and Will stops him. WILL Hey, Jordan! Jordan stops and gets closer. WILL Are you a republican? JORDAN Yes, I am. WILL Told you I knew. Jordan seems confused but just walks away. CASEY I wonder where he is. REICTHER Who? CASEY This new guy I met. He's one of the student helpers. He helped me with the whole Lacie thing. Richard rolls up. CASEY Here he is now. Hey, Richard. Casey and Richard shake hands. Will looks shocked to see him again. He tries to cover his face. CASEY Guys, this is Richard. RICHARD Hi, guys. He looks at Joel and Brock. He then notices, Will. He slowly becomes angry. The others seems confused, except Reicther. RICHARD You! All the guys turn to Will and give him a look. WILL Oh, like none of you wouldn't wanna know? All the guys now have guilty looks on their faces. FADE OUT. END OF EPISODE
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