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THE LunchROOM
Episode 1.02
"A Tale of Two Brides:
A Mormon's Tale"
WRITTEN BY
Bruce Snyder
CREATED BY
Bruce Snyder
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Jordan Jones................................
Mr. Zimmer..................................
Richard.....................................
Michael Hunsinger...........................
Erica Thompson..............................
Mrs. Harris.................................
Brian's Mother..............................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER:
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Joel and Casey are standing by the water fountain. Casey is
getting a drink.
JOEL
You've got to realize something.
Casey. Women are very different in
this subject.
CASEY
(finishing up drink)
Not really.
JOEL
Bullshit. When men get angry we
start wars. Women...they eat.
Casey smiles. They two begin to walk down the hallway.
JOEL
Oh, did you hear about Brock.
CASEY
No. What happened?
JOEL
His two moms were trying to renew
their vows over the weekend, and
the priest refused to do it.
CASEY
What? Really?
JOEL
Yep. He said, "A woman should only
marry a man."
Just then JORDAN JONES walks up behind them.
JORDAN
Who should only marry a man?
JOEL
Uh...
CASEY
Brock's mom.
Joel seems mad at Casey's stupidity.
JORDAN
Is Brock's mom gay?
JOEL
Well I woul
CASEY
Oh, yeah. Definitely.
Joel elbows Casey. Jordan doesn't seem to like this.
CASEY
See, a priest wouldn't let her
renew her vows over the weekend.
JORDAN
Well, good for him.
JOEL
Good?
CASEY
Wait, I think you misheard me, I
said Brock's mom was trying to get
married and couldn't
JORDAN
Yeah. I then I congratulated him.
Joel and Casey still seem confused.
JORDAN
Gays shouldn't be allowed to marry.
Jordan walks off, acting like nothing happened. Casey
and Joel seem stunned by this.
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
CUT TO:
INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS - SAME
Will and Reicther are sitting next to each other. They
are working on a group project, just like the rest of
the class.
Reicther is counting several pencils.
WILL
What in the hell are you doing?
REICTHER
I am counting my pencils.
WILL
Why do you have so many pencils?
REICTHER
Because I want to be prepared.
WILL
Prepared for what?
Reicther gives a creepy smile.
REICTHER
You'll see.
Will seems confused by this. MR. ZIMMER walks up to
their group.
ZIMMER
Hey, guys. I'm going to give you an
extra guy for you group. That okay?
WILL
Sure.
ZIMMER
(calling out)
Over here, Richard.
RICHARD, who is crippled and uses a wheelchair, rolls
over to their group. Will and Reicther act like they've
never seen anything like these before.
REICTHER
Hey, he doesn't have any legs.
Will and hits Reicther.
REICTHER
Sorry.
INT. HEAD OFFICE - SAME
MRS. HARRIS is behind the front desk, typing away.
Brian enters.
BRIAN
Hi.
HARRIS
Hello.
BRIAN
I'm from Mr. Anderson's math class.
He sent me here so I could use the
phone.
HARRIS
Oh. Well it's over there.
Brian walks over to a small booth in the corner. The
booth has a phone attached to it. He dials a couple of
numbers and waits for response.
VOICE (O.S.)
Hello, Reid Memorial hospital. How
can I help?
BRIAN
Is Debbie Vandele there?
VOICE (O.S.)
One moment. Please hold.
The song "Every Rose Has a Thorn" begins to play over
the phone.
BRIAN
(to himself) I like this song.
As he waits he begins to slowly bob his head to the
music.
BRIAN
Every rose has its thorn.
Just like every night has its dawn.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY - SAME
Jordan is sitting against the wall. Next to him sit ERICA
THOMPSON, MICHAEL HUNSINGER. A few feet down sit Joel
and Casey. Both groups are working on papers.
JORDAN
I don't think they should be
allowed to. God did not want people
to do this.
JOEL
(to himself) Not this asshole
again.
JORDAN
In the bible it says "a man shall
not lay with another man."
MICHAEL
Hey, calm down, Archie Bunker.
Just then, Brock walks up and sits down in the middle of
Casey and Joel.
BROCK
Okay, got the information.
CASEY
You missed it, Brock.
BROCK
Missed what?
CASEY
Jordan is preaching about how bad
gays are.
Brock seems upset and angry.
BROCK
What?
JORDAN
(in the middle of some big speech)
...and the world is going to end.
All because a man, decided he liked
men.
Joel and Casey begin to laugh hard at this. Brock
smiles, but is still angry. Casey laughs so hard, that
he falls over. Michael and Erica laugh at Casey.
ERICA
What's so funny?
CASEY
(laughing hard) That...guy.
JORDAN
Me? What did I do?
Joel and Casey laugh even harder the fact he doesn't
know.
JOEL
You really believe gays are going
to bring about the end of the
world?
Beat.
JORDAN
Yeah.
Joel and Casey explode into laughter. Erica seems
confused, while Michael and Brock work and try to stay
out of the conversation. Jordan has a serious look on
his face.
JOEL
Oh don't feel bad. We don't think
your stupid, just your views and
ideas.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE BOOTH MINUTES LATER
Brian still stands, still on hold. Now the song is
Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer."
BRIAN
(singing)
Oh, I wanna be a sledge hammer.
Why don't you call my name?
CUT TO:
INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS SAME
Richard and Will are looking at a paper, working.
Reicther is just staring at Richard.
WILL
Well, that spot has to work then.
RICHARD
It does?
WILL
Yeah, cause if you look around it,
most of the oil deposits are there.
RICHARD
Yeah, youre right.
Richard begins to write. Will takes notice of Reicther.
WILL
What the hell are you doing?
REICTHER
He's like a train wreck. I want to
look away, but I just can't help it.
Richard looks up at him, shocked.
RICHARD
Excuse me?
REICTHER
I'm sorry. It's just that I've
never meet a guy without legs
before.
Richard still seems shocked, while Will has his head in
hands. Too embarrassed to look at Reicther.
REICTHER
I mean the closet I've ever met to
one of your kind was this guy was
missing three fingers on one hand.
They called him "butterfingers."
Because he accidentally slipped his
hand into a saw. In fact that's how
he lost his fingers to begin with.
Richard just stares at him.
Pause.
REICTHER
Well, let's get to work.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY SAME
Joel, Brock, Casey, Jordan, Erica, and Michael are still
there. Joel and Casey have big smiles on their faces.
Jordan looks serious. Brock seems angry. Erica seems
worried. Michael works.
JOEL
Hate to tell you this, Jordan. Gays
aren't going to be the end of the
world. In fact the only way gays
are going to end the world is if a
gay terrorist blows up the world.
Or if the Queer eyes gain too much
power.
JORDAN
No, they are going the reason the
world ends.
JOEL
No.
JORDAN
Yes.
JOEL
No.
JORDAN
Yes.
JOEL
Yes.
Everyone looks at him, confused.
JOEL
Sorry, I had a bugs bunny moment
there.
BROCK
You know some gay people can't help
it. They were just born that way.
JORDAN
No one is born gay.
Brock is now anger then ever.
BROCK
(to himself) I'm going to kill you.
JORDAN
What?
BROCK
I said I'm going to have to get
another pencil.
Brock gets up and leaves.
CUT TO:
INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS SAME
Richard and Reicther talk, while Will tries to stay out
of the conversation by working on the paper.
REICTHER
Listen, Rich. I'm sorry for what I
said. I guess I don't have a lot of
manners.
RICHARD
It's okay. I get it a lot.
Richard looks down at the paper in front of him and
begins to read.
Pause.
REICTHER
Can you still feel pain in your
legs?
RICHARD
(not looking up) No. Not really.
Brief pause.
WILL
Reicther, make your self useful and
go find one of those geography
books with a good map of Iraq.
REICTHER
Okay.
Reicther stands up and leaves.
WILL
I'm sorry, Richard.
RICHARD
It's okay.
WILL
I mean, really. I apologize a
million times over.
RICHARD
Really, it's okay. I just want to
get to work and get this done.
WILL
Okay, sounds fine to me.
The two get back to work.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE BOOTH SAME
Brian is still on hold. This time the song is "Land of
Confusion" by Genesis. This time someone picks up the
phone.
VOICE (O.S.)
Hello?
BRIAN
Mom? Is that you?
VOICE (O.S.)
Oh, hi, Brian. What are you doing,
calling in the middle of the day?
BRIAN
Could you do me a favor, mom?
VOICE (O.S.)
What?
BRIAN
Put me back on hold.
Pause.
VOICE (O.S.)
I don't under
BRIAN
Put me back on hold, I like that
song.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY SAME
Joel, Brock, Casey, Jordan, Erica, and Michael are still
there. It appears that Joel and Jordan are in a heated
argument.
JOEL
It's silly.
JORDAN
No. It's not silly to live your
life by the bible.
CASEY
It is if you take it too seriously.
JOEL
No offense or anything Jordan. But
I don't think anyone agrees with
you anyhow.
BROCK
I don't.
CASEY
Me either.
MICHAEL
Anything to shut him up.
JOEL
Of course, I don't agree. What
about you, Erica?
ERICA
Well, actually...I agree with him.
CASEY
What?
JOEL
Why?
ERICA
Well the bible does say that it is
wrong. And it's kinda hard to
dismiss the bible.
Joel sighs.
CUT TO:
INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS SAME
Will and Richard are laughing and seemly having a good
time. Reicther comes up with a book.
REICTHER
Here it is, I finally found it.
Will looks at it.
WILL
That's a book about Iran.
REICTHER
Ahhh.
Reicther goes back.
RICHARD
Not too bright is he?
WILL
No. No he isn't.
The two of them chuckle.
WILL
Hey, Rich. Since class is almost
over
RICHARD
Yeah?
WILL
I need to ask you something.
RICHARD
What is it?
Will signals him to lean in. He does so. Will begins to
whisper softly into Richard's ear. At first, Richard
seems curious but that all changes to anger.
RICHARD
God damn it, man!
WILL
Sorry, sorry. Just curious.
RICHARD
Well, you should know that
curiosity killed the damn cat.
Will looks around and notices that everyone is staring
at them. Just then the bell rings.
INT. HALLWAY SAME
Joel, Casey, and Brock quickly get up and begin to walk
very fast.
BROCK
Thank God.
JOEL
I know. I couldn't stand to be in
the idiot sandwich much longer.
They sped off.
INT. OUTSIDE OF GEORGRAPHY CLASS SAME
Reicther and Will are leaving. Behind them, Richard
follows.
WILL
Hey, Richard. I was jus -
Richard speeds off, angrily. Will and Reicther begin to
walk down the crowded hallway.
REICTHER
Call me crazy, but I think we upset
Richard.
They begin to walk.
REICTHER
I hope you know you're an idiot,
Will.
WILL
Sorry. I was just curious, is all.
REICTHER
It's not right to ask a cripple if
his penis is still working.
WILL
I'm nervous when I meet new people.
Pause.
WILL
Well at least I didn't fall out of
my chair.
REICTHER
He was coming right for me.
WILL
He tapped you on the shoulder.
REICTHER
So. You know I have a phobia of
being touched.
Will begins to laugh.
WILL
You know, it's going to be really
funny to watch you have a
girlfriend with that type of
phobia.
They turn the corner and disappear.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE - BOOTH SAME
Brian is now sitting with his back against the wall.
Mrs. Harris comes up.
HARRIS
I think it's time for you to go
back to class.
BRIAN
Can you just give me a few more
minutes? I mean my mom works at a
hospital.
HARRIS
Oh, okay.
She walks away. Brian goes back to listening to Bon
Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name."
CUT TO:
INT. LUNCHROOM SAME
Will, Joel, Brock, Reicther, and Casey sit around a
circle table. They eat and talk.
WILL
Then what does he say?
BROCK
He says that they're going to bring
about the apocalypse.
Will and Reicther begin to laugh.
REICTHER
What an idiot.
WILL
I know why he said that.
JOEL
Why?
Jordan walks by and Will stops him.
WILL
Hey, Jordan!
Jordan stops and gets closer.
WILL
Are you a republican?
JORDAN
Yes, I am.
WILL
Told you I knew.
Jordan seems confused but just walks away.
CASEY
I wonder where he is.
REICTHER
Who?
CASEY
This new guy I met. He's one of the
student helpers. He helped me with
the whole Lacie thing.
Richard rolls up.
CASEY
Here he is now. Hey, Richard.
Casey and Richard shake hands. Will looks shocked to see
him again. He tries to cover his face.
CASEY
Guys, this is Richard.
RICHARD
Hi, guys.
He looks at Joel and Brock. He then notices, Will. He
slowly becomes angry. The others seems confused, except
Reicther.
RICHARD
You!
All the guys turn to Will and give him a look.
WILL
Oh, like none of you wouldn't wanna
know?
All the guys now have guilty looks on their faces.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
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