FADE IN: EXT. DRIVEWAY - DAY A motorbike is running. MIKE WALSH (MIKEY) is dressed in blue jeans and black leather jacket. He puts on his gloves and black helmet. He swings a leg over the bike and gets on. He kicks up the kickstand, revs the engine Loudly, snaps his visor closed, selects first gear and rides off. EXT. FOREST ROAD -- DAY A STUNTMAN, wearing blue jeans, black helmet and black jacket is riding a motorbike down the same wooded road. He looks back over his shoulder, checking behind him. He then looks forward, and sees... An oncoming CAR. He steers away, over corrects and is thrown from the bike. The bike goes over the embankment edge. He lies motionless on the road. CUT TO: INT. DATA-DAY GADGETS -- DAY A skull and crossbones clock TICKING loudly. Lots of GADGETS and electrical items fill the store. Awards and certificates for youth and adult inventions hang on the rear wall. Gadgets hang from the ceiling and contraptions move freely within the store. A phone rings. RICKY WANG (DATA) answers the phone. DATA Data-Day Gadgets. Concern and confusion. DATA (CONT'D) When? (pause) I'm leaving right now. He hangs up, looking pensive. CUT TO: EXT. FOREST ROAD -- DAY LAWRENCE COHEN (CHUNK) is standing behind yellow 'DO NOT CROSS' line. He looks anxious. A cell phone RINGS. He answers it. CHUNK What? (pause) Now? (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. CHUNK (CONT'D) (pause) How come? (pause) Okay, okay I'm leaving. Bye. He hangs up the phone and turns to Mikey. Mikey is worried. CHUNK (CONT'D) It's happening now. MIKEY What? (beat) What happened? It's not even one yet. CHUNK I know, he didn't say. They'll be there in half an hour, man. Let's go! MIKEY God, just when it was gettin' good. He starts pushing through crowds of bystanders. CHUNK Come on people. Move it! They fight their way through cast, crew and crowds watching a movie being filmed. The sound is broken by LOUD APPLAUSE. The stuntman gets to his feet, takes his helmet off and waves to the crowd. He walks over to a man sitting in a chair marked 'DIRECTOR'. CUT TO: EXT. FOREST ROAD -- LATER Mikey speeds off on his motorbike with Chunk on the back. CUT TO: INT. DATA'S CAR -- LATER Data is driving. He smiles at EMMA RICKMAN who is sitting next to him. He checks the time on his digital watch. Data speeds up. CUT TO: EXT. RICKMAN WAREHOUSE -- AFTERNOON A removal warehouse. Trucks, vans and cars occupy the car park. All have 'Rickman's Removals' printed on the sides. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. Chunk and Mikey pull out a large roll of material from a van with 'The Daily Astorian' written on it. They run towards the warehouse, struggling with the material. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA COLUMN -- AFTERNOON A 150 foot tall Column, with a narrow, twisting, spiral stairwell. Data follows Emma up to the top. Spectacular views of Astoria. It's breezy. Lots of pretty flowers and trees in view. He wraps the wire of his cell phone hands-free kit around a button on his coat collar, so the mouth piece hangs by his mouth, but is concealed. He tucks the earphone inside the collar. He is very discreet, so Emma does not see what he is doing. Emma is enjoying the view from the Column. CUT TO: EXT. RICKMAN WAREHOUSE -- LATER Mikey unrolls the material on top of the warehouse roof. His cell phone is ringing. He answers it breathlessly. He listens carefully, then... DATA O.S Wow, it's beautiful up here. You warm enough Em? Mikey signals for Chunk to hurry. MIKEY (shouting to Chunk) They're up already! CHUNK Oh Shit! Come on! A sandwich hangs from Chunks mouth. It breaks and falls on the roof when he nods to Mikey. They unravel the material completely. Seagulls begin to hover in the air nearby. CUT TO: EXT. ASTORIA COLUMN -- CONTINUOUS Data and Emma admire the view. Data takes out a professional looking CAMERA with a long zoom lens. DATA I should get some photos of this, gets more breathtaking each time. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. EMMA I know, I love the spring. Data zooms in on the warehouse. He sees Chunk fighting past seagulls flying around him. Chunk is running towards the ladder and manages to climb down, disappearing from view. Data adjusts his collar and walks over to Emma. He puts one hand in his coat pocket and holds his camera out for her. DATA Hey, look at this. EMMA What? DATA Your father's warehouse, look. He guides Emma to the warehouse. DATA (CONT'D) Over there... She sees 'MARRY ME EMMA?', sprawled across the roof of the warehouse, on white sheets. Emma is shocked. Data gets out a small box and opens it. A diamond engagement ring. Emma turns to Data and SCREAMS loudly. Data winces. Tourists stare at them. Emma tearfully wraps her arms around Data, kissing him repeatedly. CUT TO: EXT. RICKMAN WAREHOUSE -- LATER Mikey and Chunk wait anxiously by the warehouse, sharing the EARPIECE from Mikey's cell phone. MIKEY I guess that's a yes! CHUNK Yes! Way to go Data! Mikey and Chunk hug each-other. CUT TO: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. EXT. ASTORIA COLUMN -- LATER A TOURIST holding Data's camera, takes a photo of him and Emma. CUT TO: INT. FRATELLI KITCHEN -- NIGHT Italian opera music plays in the background. Old, shabby curtains and a tacky multicolored plastic stripped door divider. Cardboard T.V dinner boxes stacked up against the back door, over-flowing from a tray marked 'RI-CICLING'. JAKE and FRANCIS play poker and drink tequila. A roll-up cigarette is pinched between Jakes lips as he shuffles a deck of cards. He wears a hat which sits far back on his head, pointing upwards. He deals the cards out. Francis is almost bald. His remaining hair is gray. He wears an expensive pair of glasses. MARY storms in, annoyed. She throws the Daily Astorian PAPER on the table and leaves through the plastic stripped door divider. Francis picks up it up. An article catches his eye. He examines a PHOTO carefully. Data and Emma. The article is about Data's upcoming bachelor party. The author is Lawrence Cohen. FRANCIS Jake? (pause) Jake! (pause) Did your ears fall off or somethin'? I'm talkin' to you! He takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes. JAKE (shouts) I'm thinkin', wise-ass! What the hell's wrong with you? (pause) Christ! FRANCIS (points) In the paper. He hits the article hard. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. FRANCIS (CONT'D) The Goonies! (beat) Goddamn kids! (pause) You remember the Asian kid with all them booby traps? (pause) Sonofabitch! Francis tosses the paper at Jake and puts his glasses back on. He coughs, waving the cigarette smoke away. Jake swallows his drink in one gulp and picks up the paper. JAKE (laughs) Awe... look at the little bastard! (pause) So what? He throws it back, pours himself a drink and plays his move. JAKE (CONT'D) Throw it in the trash! Don't you learn anything? You gotta' let go a' the past, Franky. You know, grow up. FRANCIS Don't call me Franky. I hate that. He rubs his bald head incessantly. JAKE (laughs) Just don't think about doing nothin' stupid! Is it any wonder you got no hair left! He turns up the volume. Francis becomes agitated. FRANCIS Okay, first of all, I'M not the idiot! Second of all, shut the hell up and think just for a second. You are capable of that aren't you, Jake? He takes his glasses off. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Turn that shit off, it's driving me nuts! (beat) My goddamn head's splitting! (pause) Forget it. I'm takin' a piss. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. He walks towards the TELEPHONE, picks up a phone-book and smiles. A 'light-bulb' moment. JAKE (quietly) Piss, my ass. Dirty sonofabitch! (shouts) I know when you're lying. Don't give me none of your bull-shit! (pause) HEY! Who you callin' this time a' the night? (pause) You know one day the operator's gonna' call the cops on your ass. Goddamn, phone freak. Francis ignores him. Jake finishes his drink and turns off the stereo. FRANCIS (loudly) I'm a friggin' genius you know that? JAKE What? FRANCIS Doesn't matter. I wanna talk to Louie. He stands behind Jake and leans down beside his ear. FRANCIS (CONT'D) (shouts) 'Cos Louie's a PRO-FESS-ION-AL! JAKE Ah! Sonofabitch! That WAS my ear ya' know. He grimaces in pain, rubbing his ear. Francis taps Jake's head and puts his glasses on. FRANCIS Don't think I'm carrying you an' Mary for the resta' my life. JAKE Carry us? Half this place should a' been mine, you selfish bastard! FRANCIS Look who's talkin' now. I gotta' let goa' the past eh? Whatever. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8. FRANCIS (CONT'D) (beat) Listen ta' me. With Louie's help, we could turn this opportunity into a plan that could get you an' Mary a place together. Somewhere nice. Jake sits up. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Whaddaya' say, Jake, ah? Sound good don't it? Francis perks up and walks over to the telephone. FRANCIS (CONT'D) (sings out of tune) Make them bastards pay, that would make my day... they won't know what hit 'em... I hope I get to kill one, make them bastards pay. Ba, ba, ba, ba, baah... He starts dialing. Jake picks up Francis's cards, swaps them and smiles. BEGIN MAIN TITLES: EXT. BEACH -- MORNING BRAND WALSH is running along the beach with an OLDER WOMAN. She is overweight and average looking. He has a whistle in his mouth and is holding a clip board, making notes. He is also timing her with a stop-clock. They stop running. The older woman collapses to her knees and breathes quickly. She stretches. Brand shows her his clock and she looks upset. Brand puts his arm around her and begins motivating her. She gets up. They jog gently. TWO FEMALE SURFERS come out of the water and wave to Brand. He waves back, winking flirtatiously. CUT TO: INT. SCHOOL -- AFTERNOON ANDY CARMICHAEL is teaching music class to a group of young children. She appears happy. It's a glorious sunny day, as the beams filter into the room. ANDY Well done you guys, way to go! We're almost there! Excellent! One more time, okay? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9. She conducts the class, waving her arms in the air. She clasps her hands together in approval. CUT TO: INT. OFFICE -- AFTERNOON CLARKE DEVEREUX (MOUTH) is in a meeting with two colleagues at work. Tall skyscrapers can be seen out the window behind him. His lap-top is in front of him on the desk. There are lots of CHARTS and figures being projected onto a wall. He looks at his Inbox and is distracted from his meeting. OFFICE GUY #1 Mr. Devereux? He clears his throat. OFFICE GUY #1 (CONT'D) Hmm... Clarke? Your proposals, please. We'd like to see them. (beat) There a problem Clarke? OFFICE GUY #1 looks at the clock impatiently. MOUTH Yeah? Uh... I mean, yes, sir. The report's right here. 'scuse me. He takes his briefcase from under the desk and opens it. He's received an e-mail from Chunk and clicks it open, revealing a rude picture. He smiles perversely, then passes the report absentmindedly to OFFICE GUY #2. OFFICE GUY #2 Clarke, could we have ALL of it? Today would be super! Mouth's face turns red. CUT TO: EXT. OCEAN -- AFTERNOON STEF STEINBRENNER is working with TWO GUYS on a boat out at sea. She's in the water, wearing a wet suit and is conducting an experiment with dolphins. She strokes one of the dolphins and it spits water back at her. She laughs hysterically. Her colleagues make notes and take pictures. They laugh with her. CUT TO: INT. DATA-DAY GADGETS -- AFTERNOON Data is testing out a GADGET that isn't working properly. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. DATA Erik, got a minute? He sighs impatiently whilst fiddling with lots of different ELECTRICAL COMPONENTS. DATA (CONT'D) (silly voice) Get in here! ERIK rushes nervously over to Data in the back room. ERIK Okay boss! Just one sec... He knocks down a 3 foot tall wall of modified self-opening tin cans. A LOUD TUMBLING NOISE. He stops just outside Data's office. He looks back at the commotion, and Data looks over Erik's shoulder, grimacing. DATA Erik, chill! I was jus' fooling with ya'. Take five, okay? And stop worrying! Erik starts re-stacking the tins in the background. CLANGING NOISES. Data gives up on his broken gadget. He looks at a PHOTO of his fiancee Emma on his worktable. The engraved message reads, '1000 Miles Begins with One Step'. He caresses the photo. He picks up the broken gadget and smiles. CUT TO: INT. THE DAILY ASTORIAN -- AFTERNOON Chunk is staring anxiously at his inbox on his computer. Sighing, he looks up. A large COLLAGE of newspaper cuttings and photos on the wall. A mix of him with his friends and his personal achievements. His computer PINGS and he receives an e-mail. He reads it quietly under his breath. CHUNK (mimics Mouth's voice) "You're so gonna' pay! Board meeting you turd. Be afraid!" (snickers) Oops! (beat) Oh well, pay-back is sweet! He shuts down his e-mail and stretches his arms up and yawns. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11. CHUNK (CONT'D) Goddamn I'm hungry! CUT TO: EXT. ASTORIA MUSEUM -- AFTERNOON Mikey is waving good-bye to his colleagues outside Astoria Museum. Work papers dangle from his mouth. He fires up his motorbike, whilst struggling to put his papers into his briefcase. He puts his helmet on. CUT TO: INT. CHUNK'S HOUSE -- EVENING Chunk attempts to sit on the couch to watch T.V. A MODIFIED VACUUM CLEANER blocks his path. 'PROPERTY OF DATA' is stamped on the side. The machine appears to have come ALIVE and he wrestles with it aggressively. A comical fight ensues. CUT TO: INT. MIKEY'S HOUSE -- EVENING Mikey arrives home and the PHONE IS RINGING. The caller I.D shows Data's name FLASHING. He sighs and picks up the phone. MIKEY What now, dude? DATA (O.S.) You did pick up the suits, right? MIKEY Yeah. Everything's under control. DATA (O.S.) Come on Mike! I've asked you a hundred times and... MIKEY Alright! I haven't got 'em yet. I promise by tomorrow you'll... INTERCUT TO: INT. DATA'S STUDY -- EVENING Data is fixing Chunk's modified vacuum cleaner. Chunk is sitting next to him, wearing a plaster on his forehead. He does not look impressed. Emma gives them two glasses of water. Chunk flicks drawing pins at the machine. DATA WHAT? Tomorrow? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12. MIKEY (O.S.) TODAY! (pause) Jeez, Data! I just walked through the... Data shakes his head and hangs up the phone. He flashes Chunk an evil glare and points to all the mess he made with the drawing pins. Confusion. CHUNK What I do? INTERCUT TO: INT. MIKEY'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER Mikey shakes his head. MIKEY Hello? He hangs up and grabs his helmet, unimpressed. MIKEY (CONT'D) Where the hell are my keys? (beat) Gimme' a break, please! He finds the KEYS hanging by the front door. A calendar. Mikey turns the page and reveals 'DATA'S WEDDING' written on October 15th, 2005. He takes a pen and scribbles out 'WEDDING' and writes 'PAY-DAY'. It now reads 'DATA'S PAY- DAY' and he smirks. He storms out the front door, SLAMMING it hard. CUT TO: INT. RESTAURANT -- NIGHT Jake and Francis are inside a quiet restaurant and are talking with LOU FRATELLI. Lou is in his seventies's, overweight and has a dark mole below his right eye. He is their uncle. NANCY LUNGER walks over to Lou and kisses his cheek and waits by the men. She is thirty-something, attractive, with brown hair. Lou introduces her to Jake and Francis. They eye her up and down, look at each other and nod in approval. They smile sinisterly. END MAIN TITLES: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 13. INT. STINGERS BAR -- EVENING An average sized, retro-themed bar. Mostly reflective of the 1980's and 1990's. LOUD MUSIC plays in the background. A Strong party feel. A large BANNER hangs from the rafters with 'R.I.P DATA!' printed on it. A door BURSTS opens suddenly. WAITRESS #1 storms through carrying a tray full of drinks. She sets them down where Data, Brand, Mikey, Chunk, Mouth, Erik, RON and PATRICK are sitting. Many EMPTY BOTTLES of beer. A bombsight. WAITRESS #2 walks over to help clear the table. Both waitresses are attractive. Mikey, Chunk, Data and Mouth wear old Garbage Pail T-shirts. Data sports a FLASHING HEAD-BAND. It has two coiling, antennae-like ears, with yellow, happy-face, flashing balls, pointing upwards on each end. JERRY is the sixty-something bartender. Working alongside him is a handsome, YOUNGER MALE BARTENDER. JERRY Mike? (pause) MIKEY? He points to the stage. A KAREOKE MACHINE is set up. He RINGS the bar bell. SILENCE. JERRY (CONT'D) You better get up there son. Machine's all fired up. (pause) Pepper and salt, right? MIKEY (laughs) Good enough! Thanks, Jer. Mikey turns back and winks at Mouth. Mouth nudges Chunk, who is chatting with Ron and Patrick. Brand smiles back at Mikey. Data turns to him, confused. Mikey whispers to Data, puts his arm around him and grabs him hard. He drags Data onto the stage. Data's head-band wobbles all over. Mikey taps the microphone. MIKEY (CONT'D) Is this thing working? The microphone HISSES LOUDLY. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 14. MIKEY (CONT'D) There you go. How's everybody doin'? (crowd ROARS) Yeah! (pause) A party wouldn't be complete without some singing and dancing... (beat) ... so we're gonna' show you some of our old moves. (beat) Ready Data? Data attempts to leave the stage. Mikey pulls him back, laughing. MIKEY (CONT'D) Mr. Double-oh-negative? Please step up to the mic! Mikey takes off Data's head-band and throws it to Mouth. DATA That's James Bond Double-oh-seven actually! (pause) Thanks for coming people... Data runs, but Mikey hauls him back. Mouth wears the head- band. MIKEY Whoa boy! Where'd you think you're going? (beat) Listen up, Ricardo. I'll be right here! Mouth and Chunk play with the flashing head-band. They look drunk. Brand chats with Ron and Patrick. MIKEY (CONT'D) And so will some others! (pause) Come on you GOONIES! MOUTH WHAT? He puts his hand to his ear. MIKEY Get your Goony butts up here. Now! Chunk takes photos. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 15. MOUTH No way, Ho-sey! (pause) Lose the mic, Mike! BRAND Shut-up Mouth! MIKEY (to Data) Anyway... (pause) ... a few of us, who shall remain nameless, felt you deserved at least one last humiliation. A trip down memory-lane some might say. He turns to Jerry and nods. MIKEY (CONT'D) (shouts) Hit it! The song 'Push It', by Salt 'n' Pepa plays. Data sighs, holding his hands against his red cheeks. MIKEY (CONT'D) Sound familiar? I think you know this one! DATA Ah shit! Come on! This is a joke right? Oh God... (sings feebly) ... ah, push it. Ah push it. Ooh baby, baby! (pause) That's enough, I'm humiliated! No more! He steps down. Mikey blocks him. MIKEY Slow down, Speedy-gone-zappy. Get back here! (sings) Get up! Owe baby! Salt and Pepa's here! (pause) Remember? (pause) Come on, Data. You know you know this. Just do it! Brand looks mortified. He turns his back and chats with Ron and Patrick. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 16. Mikey and Data continue. MIKEY (CONT'D) This dance ain't for everybody! CROWD Yeah! WOLF WHISTLING and CLAPPING. DATA So only the sexy people... all you fly mothers? Get up there and dance! (shouts) Dance, I said! MIKEY Wooh! He grabs the microphone from Mikey. DATA CHUNK, MOUTH! Get your lazy bee- hinds up 'ere! MIKEY (shouts) Move it! MOUTH (to Chunk) Ah, what the hell! CHUNK HELL no! Mikey waves to Brand. BRAND (shouts) Not 'nough beer in the world, bro! Mouth gets on the stage. MOUTH Ah, push it. Push it good. Ah, push it, push it REAL good! CHUNK (to Erik) This is so gay. (pause) You know they did this back at school? Erik shakes his head. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 17. CHUNK (CONT'D) Still a buncha' geeks! (beat) You okay? You look kinda' weird! Erik stays silent. MOUTH Alright already! Let's dance! Mouth initiates the 'Push It' dance. Mikey and Data join in. DANCING. They seem well rehearsed. A DRUNK MAN PUKES onto the stage. They jump back and re- join the others. Chunk walks over with four bottles of beer. They start drinking. Erik follows. CHUNK (loudly) I was tellin' Erik here what a buncha' dorks you guys still are! (beat) Senior prom was one thing... now you jus' look real stupid! Mikey looks unimpressed. Erik cracks a smile. MIKEY Two options my friend. Shut-up or shut-up! It was cool back in the day. CHUNK Yeah, WAY back! Whatever you say, Mike. Mikey ruffles Chunk's hair. Chunk flinches. DATA (drunkenly to Chunk) Your funeral box, what kind you want? CHUNK What, Yoda? DATA (laughs hysterically) I'll engrave it personally! You get it? Ha-ha! (pause) * E-n-g-r-a-v-e! 'sa good joke! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 18. Chunk pats him on the back. He holds up his camera. Mikey squints his eyes back. Data snatches his flashing head-band from Mouth's head and puts it on. Mouth re-styles his hair. CHUNK Now all Astoria has the pleasure a' seeing you clowns in my article next week. Even better than last month's. Mikey smiles. Chunk smirks appreciatively back. CHUNK (CONT'D) (shouts to Jerry) Another beer, fine sir! Data's buying. The head-band annoys Mikey. He bats the happy-face balls away. They hit Chunk. Mouth rips it off Data's head. Data joins Brand, Ron and Patrick. CHUNK (CONT'D) (winks to Mikey) When's, you-know-who, coming? MIKEY (whispers) Ssshh! Soon! (beat) Don't let him hear you, dufus. Chunk covers his mouth. Brand stumbles over to Mikey, with a bottle of beer. BRAND (slurs) Mikey, did I ever tell you... (pause) ... you're like my favorite brother, in the whole world? Brand hugs Mikey. Mikey pushes him off and rolls his eyes. MIKEY Yeah Brand, I know... BRAND Oh wait, I did? (beat) Man, I AM wasted! Ha-ha! You're such a retard! Mikey laughs, drinking his beer. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 19. BRAND (CONT'D) You know, dad woulda' passed out, about four hours ago. God, what a lightweight! MIKEY That's where you get it from! Brand looks confused. Mikey laughs. Chunk grabs a handful of PEANUTS and throws them at Data. DATA (startled) What the...? He looks around and sees Chunk laughing. DATA (CONT'D) CHUNK! You're one dead dude! Only a complete moron would even contemplate messing with Gadget-man. Chunk throws more nuts, unperturbed. Data grabs a handful and raises his hand up. DATA (CONT'D) I declare that the battle of nut throwing... shall commence! CHUNK (pirate's voice) Why, them be fighting words, me laddie. (roars) Aahh! Data throws them at Chunk. Waitress #1 walks over to the table, but seeing the commotion, she leaves. Mouth nudges Brand, while looking at the waitress and grins. Brand ignores him. Data and Chunk stop playing. DATA Hey, listen to me you guys... He bangs his fists hard down on the table. DATA (CONT'D) Thanks for dragging you're butts back to good ol' Astoria. (pause) So far, it's been awesome! Just like the good old days. BRAND (hollers) More like the worst days of my life! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20. DATA Ah, Brandon! Still killing us with your humor! (beat) Anyways, I know I had some beer, and some vodka... (points to a random person) ... and some of that person's drink, but I'm not drunk... (pause) ... yet! He wipes sweat away from his forehead. DATA (CONT'D) Now I forget my point. MIKEY Less o' the talkin' and more with the drinking! CLAPPING. Data stumbles to his seat. Mouth throws his arms around him. MOUTH I wuv you too, Data! Gimme' one last kiss. Come on. I won't tell Emma! (beat) It'll be our little secret! Data shakes him off. MOUTH (CONT'D) (mimicking Frank 'n' Furter from Rocky Horror Picture Show) ... but wouldn't it be NICE! He puckers up his lips. DATA Yeah, why not? Put it right here. (laughs) Right on the cheek. (points to his ass) This one! Mikey looks at his watch. The brown leather wristband is faded. Logo of Astoria Museum. He takes it off and turns it over, revealing, 'Like Father like Son'. He smiles. Erik joins Mikey and Data. He wears a pair of thick, black, round glasses and jingles his car keys. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 21. ERIK I don't think I can stay late tonight. I gotta' do a couple of things back at the store. (beat) And I have to get up early tomorrow. DATA Hey! Don't go! Relax. Have a beer. That's Pepsi talkin'! (pause) We've only been here for like, five hours! Chunk staggers over. CHUNK (hollers) Hey! I'll getch yer a real drink Erk. ERIK That's Erik, actually. CHUNK See. You NEED alcohol. (beat) Dang! He throws an arm around Erik. Hiccuping, he scours the bar for Jerry. CHUNK (CONT'D) Hey, Jez! (pause) 'nother bud, please! Jerry chuckles. Erik shakes his head. ERIK No, thanks. I'm driving. (beat) One Pepsi, please. JERRY You got it. Chunk smiles oddly at Erik. Mouth suddenly BURPS. DATA Damn! Six and I'm being generous! (beat) My sister could kick your ass! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 22. MOUTH Ah shut-up! (beat) You wanna' hear somethin' real juicy? (pause) One day after school, I saw Miss Wagner's BOOBS! MIKEY Her boobs? (beat) Yeah right! Whatever, Mouth! Ya' lyin' red-neck. MOUTH I did too! She had the HOTTEST pair a'... He mimes grabbing breasts. MOUTH (CONT'D) ... mommas, that I've EVER seen! SILENCE. MIKEY Dream on, lame-o! Chunk and Data look dumfounded. BRAND You're so full of it! You didn't see a goddamn thing. Besides... (pause) ... she had fakes anyway! SHOCK. He raises his eyebrows suspiciously. Waitress #2 brings another round of drinks. Mouth flirts, but she ignores him. DATA WHAT? That's not possible! (beat) They were always so perky. BRAND So go figure! (pause) I always excelled in "French". DATA I hate fakes! MIKEY Me too! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 23. CHUNK (translated in French for 'Me three') Moi trois. (pause) Hey, Erik? Would ya' pass me yer nuts please? Mouth raises his eyebrows, suggestively and smiles. Erik looks confused. He sits next to Mikey. CHUNK (CONT'D) Gross Mouth! Grow up! MIKEY You are so WEIRD! (beat) I worry about you. A LOT! Brand, Ron and Patrick laugh. BRAND Well, these guys caused me nothin' but trouble growin' up. Couldn't go anywhere without 'em... MIKEY ... beggin' or whinin' for something. We know! BRAND (pip-squeak voice) Exactly! (beat) They were like Brand, take me to the Dairy Queen! Chunk looks shocked. BRAND (CONT'D) Brand, pump my inhaler for me? Mikey looks annoyed. BRAND (CONT'D) Shoulda' charged your asses. Probably coulda' paid my car off sooner. MOUTH But wait! (pause) Was it three or four times, till you passed Driver's Ed, Brand? (beat) I forget. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 24. Mouth BURPS FEROCIOUSLY. GASPING SOUNDS. MIKEY Oooh gross, dude! Eight and a half. CHUNK Better. (beat) Gotta' work on the delivery more. BRAND At least I HAD a car, Dumb-ass. Beats driving your dad's plumbin' van to the prom! (pause) Classy. MOUTH Whatever... BUTT-MUNCH! (beat) At least I got to make out in that van. History was made. A lot a' love went on inside that baby! MIKEY So sad, Mouth! MOUTH You guys are just jealous! (pause) YOU'RE the loser. Hangin' with your little brother's friends. (beat) No friends your own age, Brandy? SILENCE. Brand talks with Ron and Patrick. CUT TO: INT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER Nancy walks in dressed like a COP. Her brown hair is tucked into a police hat. Seeing the group, she walks over cautiously. NANCY (nervously) Is Ricky Wang here? MIKEY Huh? (pause) Oh hi! (points Data out) Right over there. He looks his watch. Confusion. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 25. DATA What's going on guys? LOUD BANGING on tables. Nancy walks over to Data. NANCY Ricky Wang... DATA Data's fine. NANCY Okay. Data, I'm arresting you for being drunk and very disorderly. Step away from the bar an' put your hands behind your head. (pause) You're coming with me. Now! CHUNK Do it Data! Do as she says now you, lucky bastard! MOUTH Hey, hot stuff! He whistles to get Nancy's attention. MOUTH (CONT'D) Why don't you bring those cuffs over 'ere? I'll show you how to REALLY use 'em. MIKEY (laughs) Someone's been a naughty boy! He taps Data's face as he walks past. MIKEY (CONT'D) I'm gonna' have to tell Emma how bad you've been! Nancy marches Data away. Mikey waves over to her to come back. Data waits anxiously. Chunk grabs Data's coat and gives it to him. MIKEY (CONT'D) Hey, thought you were, uh... blonde? He looks at his watch. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 26. MIKEY (CONT'D) Early too! (beat) Anyways... NANCY (worried) ... Oh, I... MIKEY Never mind! Like we agreed. A private strip and back, okay? (beat) The room's right around back. (points to Jerry) Ask Jerry where the... (winks) ..."interrogation" room is. NANCY No problem. I'll be real gentle with him, handsome. (pause) Here's my bill. She takes out a NOTE. MIKEY Oh, no, no, no! I took care of that already. NANCY Please, take it. Its' got my number on there... in case you guys wanna' call me up again sometime. MIKEY You never know, sure! Have fun. WOLF WHISTLES. Mikey puts the note in his pocket. Data and Nancy leave. MIKEY (CONT'D) (shouts) See you later bud. Ta-ta! MOUTH (shouts louder) Make sure you do whatever I woulda' done! He makes a growling noise and tickles Chunk's stomach and sides. CHUNK You animal! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 27. MOUTH You wanna' piece a' me? CUT TO: INT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER Mouth and Chunk play a staring competition. Seconds later, Chunk blinks. Mouth boasts victoriously, waving his arms in the air and jumping up and down, mimicking Sylvester Stallone in 'Rocky'. CHUNK Okay, Cocky Balboa. Enough already! Mikey drinks his beer. ERIK Where's she taking him? MIKEY She's giving him a little one on one, if you know what I mean! BRAND Hey Mike. Thought we booked blonde? MIKEY Yeah. Guess there was a mix-up or something. (beat) I prefer women to be more natural looking, ya' know? She was a cutey. MOUTH To be perfectly honest, I don't care. I mean, if all the parts are in the right places, I'm easy! Chunk opens his mouth. MOUTH (CONT'D) Shut-up Chunk! Don't even go there! DISSOLVE TO: INT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER More glassware and empty bottles of beer on the table. Ron is asleep. Patrick, Chunk and Mouth are drawing all over his back. A BLONDE STRIPPER, dressed as a cop arrives and walks over to Mikey. Mouth does a double-take. She looks sexy. BLONDE STRIPPER Is this the Walsh booking? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 28. MIKEY Uh-huh. (beat) Can I help you with something? Mouth drops his pen and goes over to them. Chunk shakes his head, but follows. BLONDE STRIPPER I have a warrant, for a... Data? (beat) Could you point him out to me please? MOUTH Happy hour! Buy one get one free! I love it! (beat) Mikey you rock! Thanks man, woohoo! Confusion. MIKEY Warrant... what the? (beat) Sorry Miss, think there's been a mix- up. The stripper, I mean lady, left about a half-hour ago! Sorry! He shrugs his shoulder and heads for the rest-room. BLONDE STRIPPER (angrily) What the...? She STORMS OUT of the bar. MOUTH (shouts) Hey! Don't leave! You're breaking my heart. (to Mikey) I take that back, dude. You SUCK! Mouth starts to follow her, but Chunk pulls him back by the scruff of his collar. CHUNK Hey! This ain't your night. Wait your turn. (pause) I'll book yer three. MOUTH Lawrence, that is so sweet of you. You're such a great friend. (pause) Need a little lovin' tonight? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 29. CHUNK WHAT? Cut it out! MOUTH (female voice) I think Chunky wants a little spank here, or maybe here... Drunkenly, he slaps Chunk's ass. CHUNK Back off, PSYCHO! (beat) I prefer 'em sane! MOUTH Get over yourself, dude. (pause) So how's Eydie? She's lookin' kinda' hot. CHUNK (laughing) Stay away from my sister, and the rest of my family! PSYCHO! He holds his fingers up like a cross. Mouth backs off laughing. He stares at Erik, making him nervous. Mikey returns from the rest-room. MOUTH (to Chunk) Jerk. Mikey laughs and takes the note from his pocket. Alarmed, he shows it to Brand. CUT TO: INT. BACHELORRETE PARTY -- NIGHT A male stripper dressed as a SEXY FIREMAN arrives outside the house. PARTY NOISE and LOUD MUSIC. He rings the DOORBELL. Andy answers it. ANDY Hello? (pause) ... Oh hi! Come on in! We've been waiting for you. FIREMAN Hi, I'm Mark. This is the bachelorette party for Emma Rickman? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 30. ANDY Yes, yes, come in. Wait just a sec. (shouts) EMMA! EMMA! I think the neighbors called the fire brigade. Something about smoke from your kitchen. You better get out here! FIREMAN (flirtatiously) What's your name? He smiles. Pearly white teeth. ANDY Uh, Andy. FIREMAN Cute. I dig the whole girls with boys names thing. (beat) Very sexy. SILENCE. FIREMAN (CONT'D) So, Andy, are you free later? Maybe we could grab a coffee? ANDY I'm kinda' busy right now... Emma arrives in a panic. Talking frantically... EMMA Ohmygod, what's going on? Are we on fire? We just decorated! What's happening? Andy, what's going on? FIREMAN Good evening, Ma'am. My name is Mark. Emma looks confused. Andy is relieved. FIREMAN (CONT'D) We received a call this evening about a fire and I'm here to "investigate" it. EMMA (frantically) Where are the others? She looks over his shoulder. Nobody. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 31. EMMA (CONT'D) Just you? She leaves. EMMA (CONT'D) (shouts) Mark, I don't see anything. (faintly from another room) Mark where'd you go? SEXY LOUD MUSIC. SCREAMING. Emma rushes back to the sight of the topless fireman in the living room. CROWD SURPRISE! CHEERING. PARTY POPPERS. Stef takes a photo of Emma's reaction with her camera. STEF Go get your fire hose! Woohoo! Quickly, before I do! ANDY Hey! Save me a piece. I won't tell Data if you won't! (pause) Whatchya' waiting for? EMMA I-I don't know what to say! (pause) Who did this? She looks at everyone. FIREMAN (mimics Austin Power's voice badly) Enough chit-chat! Now march your little unmarried butt over here, and bring the lotion baby, yeah! CROWD Yeah! Get it off! Get it off! Go Emma! Stef takes photos of Emma oiling down the fireman. CUT TO: EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- NIGHT A two-storey, arc shaped metal-roofed railroad building. Scraps of metal. Old, rusty train wheels. Lots of trees. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 32. Scaffolding. A SIGN outside, "Scrub Before You Rub - Help Preserve No.21". An old, 80-TON LOCOMOTIVE, with THREE carriages. Work tools everywhere. A Buick is parked outside. It's raining. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- NIGHT A large central, workstation area. Train parts. Numerous tools and worker's uniforms hang from walls. To the right, a short stairwell leading upstairs. Totally exposed. To the left, a small office. Large pie charts and newspaper cuttings on walls. Old photos of trains on a desk. A simple donations chart hangs on the door. A small T.V, bowl of fruit, two chairs, cupboards and an old computer. Lou is sitting in one chair, smoking a cigar. The T.V is on. The picture is in black and white. Nancy, dressed in jeans and jacket, walks into the office, looking tired and wet from the rain. Her brown hair is tied up into a ponytail and her make-up is hardly visible. She now appears plain. LOU Hello, darling. Come sit down. (beat) You okay? (beat) Where's the kid? Nancy kisses Lou and sits next to him. NANCY Out cold in the Buick. (pause) What now, baby? LOU I'll get Francis. Don't look so worried, darling. Everything's going to be fine. NANCY We're just scaring 'em right, Louie? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 33. LOU Don't worry 'bout it. We're just using these kids to keep our hands clean. You follow? Nancy shakes her head. LOU (CONT'D) Uh... (pause) ... why bark when you buy yourself a dog? Nothing. LOU (CONT'D) It's a good thing you look so good the way you do. Nancy smiles, obliviously. FOOTSTEPS THUMPING LOUDLY on the stairs. Francis enters. FRANCIS What she raggin' about? You wanna' get paid, don't ya'? Nancy nods. Lou is flustered. FRANCIS (CONT'D) So quit worrying about the kid and go get us some coffee. (beat) I'm freezing my ass off in here! Go look for the heater too. Jesus, this dump's filthy. LOU You can talk! (beat) You better start learnin' some manners son. Apologize to my lady friend. (mumbles) Rude sonofabitch. SILENCE. LOU (CONT'D) I said NOW you good for nothin' piece a' sh... FRANCIS OKAY! I'm sorry, Nancy. Okay? (pause) I'd love a cuppa' coffee. Fix yourself somethin' nice. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 34. He looks around. MESS. Shrugs his shoulders. Nancy spots a kettle in the cupboard. She takes it out and leaves. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Where's that useless brother o' mine? Jake walks in, wet from the rain. He sniffs. JAKE What was that? FRANCIS Nothin'. (beat) What the hell a' you been doin' out there huh? (pause) Did you wake 'im up yet? JAKE For Christ sake's, Franky! Gimme' me a break. You keep goin' on and on. He takes his jacket off and hangs it on a hook behind the door. He puts his hat on the hook. JAKE (CONT'D) I think we killed him. (pause) Just kidding! (to Lou) You want me to bring him in now? Lou shakes his head. FRANCIS Let him sweat it out. No one did us no favors inside. JAKE You got that right. Jake sees a broken piece of MIRROR on the wall. He grooms himself. Francis looks at him, shaking his head. Nancy enters with the steaming, boiled kettle. She makes four coffees. JAKE (CONT'D) Just don't screw things up, okay? FRANCIS ME screw up? (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 35. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Listen Romeo, focus on the plan first. (points to his face) Worry 'bout your ugly mug later. JAKE You always gotta' be the smart-ass 'round here. FRANCIS You got that right. JAKE Always an answer to everything. You have to have the last word. Pathetic, you know that? LOU Jesus Christ! Quit it! (beat) You're not kids no more. Why the hell they let you out beats me. Everyone shut-up, sit down and drink the goddamn coffee. Nancy sits beside Lou. Her hand is on his thigh. Francis and Jake stand drinking their coffees. Jake's face turns sour at the taste of his coffee. JAKE No sugar round here? He looks at Nancy. She shrugs her shoulders. LOU You both listen to me. I know what I'm doing. JAKE You know, Louie. There's a part o' me that thinks those kids are gonna' call the cops. (pause) What if they do? What next? FRANCIS They're not kids no more! LOU Okay! 'sa figure a speech. Old and fat don't mean stupid. (pause) Your uncle Lou knows a couple a' things on psychology. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 36. LOU (CONT'D) Of course, back in my day, we just called it figurin' out what the other guy was thinkin'. (pause) Talking reflectively... LOU (CONT'D) When you got your gang 'round you, all it takes is a bit a' positive thinkin', and all of a sudden, you're takin' on shit you can't handle. (beat) These kids'll come here, thinkin' they can handle us, not wanting to call our bluff. FRANCIS Yeah, well a lotta' things've changed since your time, Louie. LOU If we didn't already have the kid outside, I'd walk outta' here for you two to deal with them on your own, smart-ass. Now finish your drinks and get 'im ready. CUT TO: INT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER Mouth, Chunk, Erik and the waitresses are preoccupied watching Ron and Patrick making funny shapes from lighting SIP STRAWS and fusing them together. Mikey holds out the note to Brand. MIKEY Brand, look at this. It's the Fratelli's. They got Data. (points to the note) Look! He rubs his forehead. Brand snatches the note from Mikey. BRAND Lemme' see. Mikey's breathing quickens. CUT TO: EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- NIGHT SILENTLY, Jake and Francis carry Data out from the Buick. He is blindfolded and cuffed. It's RAINING. Data starts wriggling, causing Jake to slip on the mud. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 37. Data falls and hit his face on the wheel-arch. He lays unconscious on the muddy ground. BRAND (V.O.) "Hey fellas, it's been a while. Sorry to break up the party. Bring the centerpiece chest from the museum, tonight. Meet us at the Railroad Preservation site and wait by the locomotive. Be there at three and wait for us. DO NOT call the cops or you'll never see him again. We're DEADLY serious". CUT TO: INT. STINGERS BAR -- CONTINUOUS Brand looks at Mikey. BRAND Okay, I think they mean business. MIKEY What are we gonna' do? I can't believe this is really happening. (beat) We should tell the others now. (pause) How the hell did they get out? Confusion. BRAND Man I'm too drunk for this crap. (sighs deeply) Okay. (pause) Just tell Chunk and Mouth. We gotta' figure somethin' out first. (beat) Everything's gonna' be okay. You got it? MIKEY What about the girls? (beat) Think we should call 'em up? What about Emma? Brand gives the note back. BRAND I said we'll figure somthin' out. (pause) Bring out the gimps. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 38. He nods back over to Chunk and Mouth. BRAND (CONT'D) We'll give 'em this centerpiece and have Data back before ya' know it. He pats Mikey affectionately and grabs his coat. BRAND (CONT'D) Meet me outside. He leaves. Mikey taps Chunk and Mouth on the back. MIKEY Hey, guys. Come here, quickly! MOUTH Wait! You gotta' see what Ron an' Patrick made. He holds up two straw-stick figures, that look like two karate guys. MOUTH (CONT'D) They're so friggin' cool. I gotta' learn how to make 'em. CHUNK (to Ron and Patrick) You do realize what you guys have done, right? Ron and Patrick shake their heads. Erik lights up a straw himself. The plastic tip melts and sticks to his finger. CHUNK (CONT'D) He's only gonna' stay up all night, probably every night, making little pornographic women. (beat) He's very sick and most definitely twisted. LAUGHTER. Mikey looks frustrated. He pulls Chunk and Mouth back. The others carry on. Mikey whispers... MIKEY Don't say another word. Just listen, Okay? (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 39. MIKEY (CONT'D) (beat) The Fratelli's... they got Data. (pause) I know this sounds crazy but it's true. CHUNK (laughs) The who? (beat) Fratelli's? (pause) Are you crazy? Disbelief. MOUTH Ha-ha. Very funny. He shakes his head. MOUTH (CONT'D) (sympathetically) Mike, you never could tell a joke well. He drinks his beer. Frustration. MIKEY Listen to me goddammit! The stripper, that just left, she's the real stripper. The Fratelli's sent the brunette. (beat) She gave me this. He takes out the note and gives it to Chunk. MIKEY (CONT'D) I already paid the agency. I figured she just wanted to hook up again. Mouth raises an eyebrow in disbelief. Chunk looks concerned. MIKEY (CONT'D) Brand's waiting outside. (beat) We gotta' figure something out. He puts his hand on Mouth's back. MIKEY (CONT'D) Tell the others we'll be back later. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 40. MIKEY (CONT'D) Tell 'em anything. Use your imagination. Mouth nods and re-joins the others. Mikey and Chunk grab their jackets and leave. CUT TO: EXT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER It's raining. Mikey and Chunk shelter under a canopy with Brand. He takes the note from Mikey's hand and puts it in his pocket. MIKEY I got a bad feeling about this. How'd they know about tonight? (beat) * I mean, when'd they get released? He takes slow, deep breaths. The combination of shock and cold air seems to be sobering them up. CHUNK I didn't know they could get released. (beat) Man the judicial system sucks! BRAND I dunno. I had no idea they were out. (beat) You think we woulda' heard, or somebody mighta' said somethin' to us. (pause) People suck! MIKEY Got that right. Mikey's breathing quickens. Brand notices. CHUNK My article last month. (pause) It's gotta' be my fault. They musta' figured it out that way, right? BRAND You don't know that, dude. (pause) Besides, why Data? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 41. MIKEY Why any of us? (beat) Maybe they read about the chest at the museum... and I dunno' just picked one of us randomly. (beat) It doesn't make sense. He takes out his inhaler. Pause. He puts it back in his pocket. BRAND Quit it the pair of you! All's we know is what they want and how they want it. We keep this to ourselves, got it? MIKEY I know, you're right. Chunk nods. BRAND We can't tell anyone. Chunk, you got that? (Chunk nods again) Come on, we gotta' pull together. (beat) Take some deep breaths, Mike. Mouth arrives wearing his coat and holding an umbrella. CHUNK What did you bring that for, you big sissy? MOUTH Hey! It took me over an hour to get my hair right. (to Mikey and Brand) Hey guys, what's happening? MIKEY We gotta' go to the museum and take the chest to the Fratelli's. MOUTH A friggin' chest ...that's it? (beat) What about the cops? (beat) What if someone sees us? What are we supposed to say? (pause) Com'on guys! This is totally ridiculous! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 42. He paces with the umbrella and strikes them with the wires. They look pissed off. MOUTH (CONT'D) They say jump and we say... MIKEY ... g'bye if you don't listen stoopid. (sighs) Lemme' finish, Mighty Mouth! MOUTH Finish what, Mike? Huh? Chunk snatches the umbrella away . Mouth gets wet from a hole in the canopy. He looks annoyed. The others laugh. He sighs loudly. MOUTH (CONT'D) How 'bout, oh, I dunno'... something like... (coughs) ... excuse me Mr. Officer? We had to steal this treasure and take it to a couple o' recently released ex- pen, PSYCHO brothers. (beat) Who, by the way, happen ta' get their kicks out of tormenting little kids, and who also happen to be holding our soon-to-be married friend hostage? SILENCE. Mikey opens his mouth about to speak but Mouth continues. MOUTH (CONT'D) I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention the fact that this wannabe groom might not actually live to experience his own wedding, if we're even just a second late? (beat) So you mind hurrying this up? TENSION. Brand lights up a cigarette. Mouth clicks his fingers for a cigarette also. Brand gives him one and they both smoke. Mikey and Chunk shake their heads. MIKEY (huffs) Finished? Rant over? You big baby! (pause) Didn't you quit? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 43. MOUTH Did being the operative word. Exhaling smoke. MOUTH (CONT'D) There's nothing like a trip down memory lane with those Italian retards to make you wanna' light up again! (pause) Anyways, moving on to the bigger issue... MIKEY Listen! I have a key. (beat) I can say I was working late and you guys were waiting for me to finish up? CHUNK And get there how exactly? We can't drive. None of us can, Superman. He checks his watch. CHUNK (CONT'D) I been drinking all day... and y'all look worse than me. (beat) Granted this cold's helping, but shit, I'm so drunk I couldn't tell yer the difference between a Mazda RX8 and a Nissan 350Z right now. MOUTH What the hell kinda' foulness jus' came outta' yer mouth? That's disgraceful. (beat) Go recite last month's copy of Top Gear! Mouth yawns and grabs Chunk's neck, laughing feebly. BRAND (yawning) What about whats-his-face? Erik? The others nod. BRAND (CONT'D) He's been drinkin' soda all night. He'll drive. We'll explain on the way. (beat) Agreed? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 44. CHUNK Cool. MIKEY (enthusiastically) Good idea bro! Mouth, bring him out here. MOUTH (yawning) Why me? He's scared a' me! (beat) I swear to you, the guy thinks I'm a complete freak! CHUNK (laughs yawning) You ARE a freak! Everyone's scared of you! (beat) He just needs to be around ya' for a while. LAUGHTER. Mikey yawns. He jumps up and down twice to wake up. BRAND Fast learner! MOUTH True. CHUNK What's good 'nuff for you Mike's, good 'nuff fer me. MOUTH (yawning loudly) Uh-a-ya-ya-ya-yah! CHUNK (yawns) Quit it, you're makin' me yawn. (beat) I'll get him. Chunk leaves. Mikey gets his inhaler out. BRAND No-one's gonna' get hurt. I even feel like kicking-ass tonight! (pause) Just gotta' sober up first. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 45. MIKEY (with inhaler in mouth) How 'bout a fast track lesson on ass- kicking on the way? He takes a long, deep breath from it. MOUTH Old Limp-Lungs returns! Mikey whistles and sticks his middle finger up at Mouth. Mouth whistles back and does the same, squinting his eyes childishly. BRAND Quit it, you morons. MOUTH They don't know who they're messing with. I mean, we ain't exactly kids anymore. Brand tilts his head to one side and raises his eyebrows. Mouth turns to Mikey, with his back facing Brand. MOUTH (CONT'D) Have you even seen Brand's arms lately? Brand smiles. Mikey leans to one side and nods. MOUTH (CONT'D) Quit hogging the ol' lung-sucker! (beat) Hit me, dude. Mouth stands with his mouth wide open. Mikey reluctantly holds the inhaler and inserts it and squeezes the pump. Mouth coughs. Mikey laughs and wipes the mouth-piece clean. MOUTH (CONT'D) Well, that explains your breath! (beat) That some nasty shi... MIKEY Dude, d'you ever shut-up? Seriously. Mouth moves his fingers across his mouth like he is zipping it shut. Chunk returns with Erik. ERIK Hey. I hear you guys need a ride? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 46. MIKEY Yeah... we need to drop by the museum. (pause) I left something behind and Data needs it. ERIK Now? Thought he went off with the stripper? MIKEY We'll explain on the way, man. Let's go. They all run to Erik's CAR in the rain. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- NIGHT Data slowly wakes up and gazes around the room. A double- take. He sees Nancy. She is sitting quietly reading a magazine and Lou is watching T.V. He realizes he's ties up. Jake and Francis can be heard ARGUING. POUNDING RAIN drowns out the noise of the T.V, which isn't working properly. Lou hits it. DATA Hey lady, am I dreaming? (beat) Where are we? NANCY (whispers) Honey, if I were you, I'd stay quiet. LOU Oh look! Sleeping beauty is awake! (shouts) Hey boys, get over here! Talking frantically... DATA Who are you? What's going on? Where am I? He starts wriggling in his chair, getting increasingly panicked. LOU One question at a time! (beat) I'm Lou. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 47. LOU (CONT'D) Usually, I would say it's nice to meet you, but under the circumstances, I don't think it's appropriate. Data looks confused. Lou, carrying an ashtray, gets up and walks over to the window and opens it a little. LOUDER POUNDING RAIN. He shakes his head and empties the cigar butts from the ashtray. He shuts the window. The rain is less noisy. LOU (CONT'D) You been sleeping like a baby. Rough night, uh? (beat) The boys'll, they'll be out soon. DATA Who? Mikey? LOU What? Speak up kid, my ears don't work so good. (beat) I can't hear a goddamn thing with those monkeys out there. Those Fratelli brothers are a nightmare, you know that. Shock. DATA Fratelli? What?... (pause) You got the wrong guy. I don't know what you think I did, but Sir, I swear I didn't do it! He wriggles in his chair. LOU (laughs) You hear that! Sir! (beat) Get a loada' that! CUT TO: INT. BACHELORRETE PARTY -- LATER Semi-naked women asleep on floors, chairs and stairwell. COMPLETE MESS. Emma is sleeping in her bed. Andy and Stef are in the kitchen tidying up. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 48. A SUDDEN BEEPING NOISE. Andy receives a text message on her cell phone. It displays Brand's name. She makes a call on her phone. TENSION. Andy looks worried, then holds up five fingers to Stef. She hangs up the phone and they grab their jackets. CUT TO: INT. ERIK'S CAR -- NIGHT Erik honks the CAR HORN twice. Mikey gets out to greet the girls. He lifts his jacket over his head. ANDY Hey! Thanks for picking us up! (beat) There enough room? MIKEY Hey, Andy. We'll make room. He pops his head back in the car. MIKEY (CONT'D) Everybody out! Before they drown out here! Brand and Chunk exit from the rear doors. Mikey takes his jacket off and puts it over the girls. Brand smiles at Andy. She winks back. MIKEY (CONT'D) Hey, Stef! STEF Hey, Mike. MIKEY You wanna' sit in the middle? STEF Whatever, dude. I don't care! Stef gets in the back-seat. Mouth is sitting in the corner. She nods to him. An AWKWARD SILENCE. Brand follows. MIKEY Andy, think you could lay in the back? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 49. ANDY Yeah sure. (to Brand and Mouth) You guys don't mind? Brand takes her hand. ANDY (CONT'D) What is up with this rain? Hasn't stopped all day! Andy lays across Stef, Brand and Mouth. Mikey shuts the door and gets back in front. Chunk is waiting outside. STEF (to Mouth) Hey, whassup? MOUTH Cool, considering. An' you? STEF Okay, considering. AWKWARD SILENCE. SUDDEN BANGING on the window. Stef and Andy jump. CHUNK HELLO! It is still raining out here! (pause) You guys planning on dragging my ass all the way? Mikey rolls down his window. CHUNK (CONT'D) (ranting) You're not leaving me out like last time guys, 'cos that sucked! (beat) I'm coming. Data's my friend too and... MIKEY SHUT-UP, CHUNK! (beat) Just get in the back. CHUNK There's no room! He points to the back seat. Mouth starts singing, to the tune of "Thong Song". ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 50. MOUTH (laughing uncontrollably) We got Chunk in the TRUNK, trunk trunk, the guy's like what, what, what! Baby move your butt, butt, butt... Everyone rolls their eyes. Mikey gets out of the car. Chunk is very wet. MIKEY Man, you're really starting to piss me off! He looks at his watch. MIKEY (CONT'D) Come on, it's nearly midnight! CHUNK (to Mouth) Moron. MIKEY (to Chunk) That's actually not a bad idea. You mind riding in the trunk, man? CHUNK Fine! Just take it easy with the bumps. (beat) I get sick real easy. MIKEY I know. Chunk gets in the trunk. Mikey covers him with a blanket. Chunk nods appreciatively. Mikey winks back and closes the trunk. CUT TO: INT. ERIK'S CAR -- MOMENTS LATER Erik is driving. ERIK Mikey, what's happening? MIKEY That's a good question. (beat) We're still working on the answer. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 51. A lot of shuffling in the back seat. Andy tries to get more comfortable. MOUTH Andy-girl! Did you put on weight? (beat) I think I lost both my legs! BRAND Quit it Mouth! That's not funny. He looks at her. BRAND (CONT'D) She looks great. Andy smiles at Brand. They maintain EYE CONTACT. Stef rolls her eyes. MOUTH I was just kidding, okay? (pause) Andy, I didn't mean it. You look gorgeous, as always. Andy smiles reassuringly. Stef blanks Mouth. TENSION. MOUTH (CONT'D) Uh, you look... nice too, Stef. STEF Thanks. MOUTH So, how the fish doing? STEF Dolphins are mam... MOUTH ... mammals not fish. I was just kidding. (beat) Of course I remember. STEF Hilarious. (pause) Will you grow up... like ever? MOUTH I'm just trying to be nice! He wriggles uncomfortably. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 52. MOUTH (CONT'D) I'll keep my mouth shut from now on. God! STEF Whatever. She gets a STICK OF GUM from her purse and CHEWS LOUDLY. She turns to face Brand and Andy more. MIKEY What's going on back there? BRAND We're cool, Mikey. MIKEY (shouts) Chunk, you okay? CHUNK (faintly) I'm fine! They arrive at the MUSEUM. Brand, Mikey and Mouth get out. They help Chunk out of the trunk. He sits up front with Erik. Mikey nods to Chunk to stay inside. CUT TO: EXT. ASTORIA MUSEUM -- NIGHT POUNDING RAIN. Mikey, Brand and Mouth run around the back of the museum. They wait near the rear door, huddling under a small tree. MIKEY Alright guys, follow me. I need two sets a' keys from my office. (beat) You gotta' watch out for the cameras. We'll get the keys, then you can both go to security, and switch 'em off. MOUTH Great security! Brand nudges him. MIKEY Listen! It's the room at the end a' the hall. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 53. MIKEY (CONT'D) (beat) Turn off the video recorders and meet me back in the display area. Mikey opens the rear door. They enter. CUT TO: INT. MIKEY'S OFFICE -- LATER Mouth and Brand wait inside the doorway. Certificates and old photos of Mikey's friends and family hang on a pin-board behind his desk. A photo of Mikey and his dad on graduation day. Mikey smiles. He finds the KEYS in the top drawer. MIKEY Here goes nothing! He throws a key over to Brand. BRAND We're done. Let's take the chest and get the hell outta' here. They leave. CUT TO: INT. MUSEUM DISPLAY AREA -- MOMENTS LATER Mikey unlocks the door. They approach the centerpiece chest. An awesome sight. An Indiana Jones-type of amazing religious artifact standing on a 1 foot pedestal. Made of bronze, every side is covered in hundreds of Holy Crosses, of different sizes. It stands upright with a large cross on the front. It's 3 ft tall, 20" wide and 20" deep. Brand and Mouth are amazed. MIKEY Pretty awesome, huh? BRAND This is amazing. (beat) Christ Mikey, what is it? MOUTH What's inside? (pause) Is it more rich stuff, Mikey? Open it! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 54. MIKEY Hey chill out! It's locked tighter than your wallet. Brand and Mikey laugh. MOUTH So rude for someone so naive. (beat) I know you didn't mean it. MIKEY Sweet. (beat) Anyways... we haven't figured a way to unlock it yet. MOUTH Let's just break it open and see what they're after. (beat) No biggie, we turned everythin' off. MIKEY Duh! It's not a bank you moron! He shakes his head. MIKEY (CONT'D) Jesus, it's probably dated back to the eighth or ninth century, maybe even earlier. Look at it! (sighs) Unopened and it's still worth a fortune. I can kiss my career good- bye if we damage it. BRAND The Fratelli's are gonna' break it open anyways, so what's the difference? He yawns. BRAND (CONT'D) Besides, if they open it and there's nothing inside, Data's as good as... MIKEY Don't say it! Don't even think it! MOUTH Mike's right. Goonies never say die! Make room people. He sits opposite the chest. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 55. MOUTH (CONT'D) Well, looks like we might need a key or two. Mikey sighs impatiently. MIKEY There's no locks for any keys. Each a' them crosses pushes in, they're spring loaded. (beat) They may look rusty and stiff, but they still work. It's almost definitely some kinda' combination lock. BRAND Just a case a' figuring out the ones to push right? Mikey nods. MOUTH Mikey look. It isn't "O-N-E'S", is it? MIKEY O-N... who? (impatiently) What the hell are you talking about? MOUTH One-Eyed Willy's! I hate saying his name, sounds like we're lusting after some guy's wiener. CONFUSION. Mikey mouths the letters 'O, N and E'. MIKEY That's O-E-W, stupid! Brand laughs. MOUTH Oh yeah. Sorry. (beat) Is it Willy's? MIKEY This is way before Willy's time. A fisherman found it about a year ago. He thought he hit a rock, 'cos the boat started leaking everywhere. (beat) Anyway Sherlock, we've tried everything besides blasting this (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 56. MIKEY (CONT'D) thing with a blowtorch, and we still can't get it open. He paces back and forth. MOUTH Why don't we figure out it's points of weakness? (beat) Or, maybe we can figure out a way to break it open? Startin' to sound more appealing now, huh? CUT TO: INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER STEF What is taking them so long? God! She chews her gum impatiently. CHUNK Damn Stef! What the gum ever do to you? STEF LOOK! Chunk braces himself. STEF (CONT'D) Most people fall off the wagon 'cos they got stuck in traffic, or 'cos they had a sucky day, right? Or 'cos the line at the Starbucks was too long. No, I had a friend kidnapped and now I'm an accessory to theft and I'm still on this nasty- ass gum. (beat) So SCREW the gum, okay? Stef chews louder. TENSION. CHUNK I think I should uh... go an' see if I can help the guys. Stef sighs. Chunk leaves. Erik turns to face Andy and Stef. ERIK So... (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 57. ERIK (CONT'D) (pause) ... Mikey was telling me about some of those adventures you had as kids. ANDY (laughs) Yeah, you could say we had some "exceptional" times together. STEF WAY too much to go into right now. (pause) Haven't seen you out with Data much. You close? ERIK I guess. He's my boss and friend. He's really good to me. They all nod. ERIK (CONT'D) I keep screwing up at work and he never loses his rag or anything. He's always encouraging me. (beat) He's something else. I'd really like to help you guys, you know, help him. ANDY You're doing more than you know. STEF Yeah. Thanks for driving us up in your car. ERIK Hey, I'm just glad to help. (pause) Think I'm gonna' see if I can help the others. Feel pretty useless in here yer know? STEF Knock yourself out, man. ANDY Let us know if they need anything, okay? Erik nods and leaves. ANDY (CONT'D) How sweet is he? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 58. She stretches her arms and legs. ANDY (CONT'D) He reminds me of Mikey when he was little. You know, all wide-eyed and innocent? (pause) Stef, you okay? Stef nods. ANDY (CONT'D) You were a little harsh before. You know he's really trying to be nice to you. STEF Chunk knows I didn't mean it. ANDY Not him. STEF Oh. (pause) Well I didn't ask him to be nice. ANDY Okay, but I think he means well. STEF (pause) I know. She puts her legs up on Andy's lap. Andy listens carefully. STEF (CONT'D) He just knows how to get under my skin. (beat) I hate that! I just wanna' rip his face off! (beat) And there are like other times that I think that we still have this connection and... ANDY Go on. STEF Well, you know. I've moved on with my life. (pause) I just don't think I could take anymore of his crap. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 59. ANDY What's going on Stef? (pause) Do you still love him? STEF Oh HELL no! (pause) Three years together and for what? Catching him screw around with some BUTT-UGLY bimbo? (beat) Perfect match, if you ask me. ANDY I know he messed up. (beat) But tonight, well... we gotta' pull together. STEF I know. I still have issues. (pause) Pretty stupid, huh? She pulls out a tissue from her purse and blows her nose ungracefully. ANDY This week, you guys should talk it over or... move on? She tickles Stef's legs. They laugh. STEF I guess. (pause) Congrats on the divorce by the way. (beat) Meant to say that earlier. ANDY Thanks! I definitely do not recommend getting one. (beat) Just find the right guy, it's much cheaper! STEF Someone like Brand? Andy smiles. STEF (CONT'D) I've seen the way you guys have been looking at each other. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 60. ANDY We're just good friends. She keeps smiling. ANDY (CONT'D) Damn he knows how to stay fit. He's so sexy...! STEF I get the picture! ANDY Who knows what could happen? STEF You're a nightmare, you know that? Andy looks shocked. STEF (CONT'D) Some people never change! CUT TO: INT. MUSEUM DISPLAY AREA -- LATER Erik joins Mikey, Chunk, Brand and Mouth. ERIK Hey guys, what are you doing? Can I help? (pause) Oh WOW, what is that? It's so cool. He pushes his glasses against his nose. MIKEY Oh, hey. CHUNK Hey, Erik. Brand looks tired and stressed. Chunk is looking at artifacts in the museum. Mouth plays with his lighter. Mikey points to a caution sign. Mouth puts his lighter away. MIKEY (to Erik) If you can open it, I'll let you take some of whatever's inside. He sees Chunk leaning on a statue, half-asleep. MIKEY (CONT'D) CHUNK! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 61. CHUNK What I do? MIKEY One round a' caffeine please! Chunk nods and yawns. He leaves. MOUTH (to Erik) Are the girls okay? (pause) I mean, they're not scared or anything? ERIK What do women usually talk about when a guy leaves? Mouth nods, smiling. ERIK (CONT'D) You know, the usual. Men. Mikey chuckles to himself. Mouth and Brand look worried. ERIK (CONT'D) What is inside? MIKEY When we open it, we'll all find out. ERIK Man, it looks ancient. MOUTH Mike, kinda' looks like a coffin for midgets! You think? (beat) I mean seriously, what is Gary Coleman doing these days? MIKEY You're sick. He turns to all of them and looks them in the eyes. MIKEY (CONT'D) No more asking me how to open it. Got it? They all nod. Brand is half-asleep. Mouth is deflated. ERIK Mikey, do you have a magnifying glass? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 62. MIKEY Of course! I'll be right back. MOUTH Famous last words. Mikey goes to the far end of the room. MIKEY Erik, go deep! Mikey holds the magnifying glass up and pretends to throw it. Erik looks worried. ERIK Just kidding! Chunk returns holding a tray full of coffee. He puts it on the floor. CHUNK I'm going back to the car. This ain't exactly my area of expertise! Mikey nods and Chunk leaves. Mikey gives Erik the magnifying glass. Mouth and Brand slump to the floor and lean against the wall, sipping their hot coffees. Erik takes his keys from his pocket and turns on a small FLASHLIGHT, which is attached. He points the light through cracks in the chest. ERIK I can see... push rods. Only a few though. (pause) Nowhere near enough for all of 'em. MIKEY Okaaaay. What does that mean? ERIK It means some of the crosses will push on something... but most won't. MIKEY Like a combination lock? Erik nods. MIKEY (CONT'D) Yeah, we kinda' already had that much. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 63. ERIK Yeah. But I can see which ones. (beat) Well, I can tell you roughly. MIKEY Alright! That's getting us somewhere. Erik walks around the chest looking through cracks from different angles. Brand and Mouth watch intensely. MIKEY (CONT'D) There had to be a way to remember which ones to push. Like a pattern. ERIK Okay. Then by my reckoning, there's four to push on. MIKEY Four? Four, four, four. A big smile breaks out across his face. A brilliant revelation! MIKEY (CONT'D) A CROSS! They couldn't resist using another cross! MOUTH Makes sense. (beat) Well, as much sense as a midget's coffin covered in crosses makes sense. Brand chuckles. ERIK Fits with what I have. There's one on the top, one on the bottom and one on the left and right. MIKEY The bottom? ERIK Yeah. That's kinda' confusing me too. (pause) Wouldn't it be depressed now by standing on it? MIKEY No. The base has a lip so they aren't pressed in. Real smart, really. Mikey pulls Erik up and tries to move the chest. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 64. MIKEY (CONT'D) You have to lay it down to open it. Everyone assumes you can open it standing up. Let's lay it on it's back. MOUTH Finally, something to do. MIKEY (to Brand) Hey. You wanna' help us turn it over? Brand nods and gets up, obviously stiff from sitting on the floor. Mouth begrudgingly gets up. Mikey grabs a cup of coffee and takes a gulp. He checks his watch. MIKEY (CONT'D) We got two hours to open the chest and get to the old railroad. Brand bear hugs the chest and lifts it off the pedestal, lowering it to the ground. He just about manages. Mikey, Mouth and Erik help him slowly lower it onto it's back. MOUTH Okay, which ones need apushin'? Mikey and Erik look at each other. Nothing. ERIK Logic's worked so far. (points to a cross) There's one on each of the sides we can see, except the top... or front. MIKEY Okay, everybody take a side. Start with the fanciest and biggest crosses. They kneel and start poking. Lack of organization. MIKEY (CONT'D) Guys, do any of your crosses look, I dunno, newer than the others? MOUTH I do. ERIK Me too. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 65. BRAND Kind of. MIKEY Okay, so let's ALL push on those at the same time. Nothing. Mikey looks confused. BRAND Hold on, I got two that look new. (pause) Lemme' try the other one. They press again. A CLANKING NOISE from within the chest. Erik and Mikey stare at each other. Brand and Mouth look pleased at best. Mikey tries to open the chest. Nothing. MIKEY Okay again, guys. They all push again. CLANKING NOISE. With his other hand Mikey lifts open the chest lid. Mouth and Brand let go of their crosses. Erik peers around too. MOUTH You little Goonies! He pats Erik and Mikey hard on the back. ERIK What's a Goony? Mikey smiles. Brand rolls his eyes. MOUTH Stick with us kid, you might find out. (to Mikey) Hey, remember the oath? How'd it go? He holds his arm out dramatically. Mikey sighs. MOUTH (CONT'D) I'll never betray my Goon Dock friends. We'll stick together till the whole world ends. He nods over to Mikey. MIKEY Through heaven and hell, and nuclear war... good pals like us'll stick like tar. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 66. MOUTH In the city, country, forest, or the boonies... Mikey nudges Brand HARD. BRAND, MIKEY AND MOUTH ...I'm proudly declared a fellow Goony! BRAND Jesus. I feel like such a loser. Erik looks at them weirdly. Mouth and Mikey laugh. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- NIGHT Jake and Francis enter. Data is tied up in the corner of the room. His eye is bruised and his clothing is covered in MUD. Lou is watching T.V. Nancy keeps one eye on Data and the other eye on her magazine. She appears nervous. Jake walks over to Data. Francis lurks in the doorway. JAKE Hello stranger! Looks like you met Louie already. Jake points to Nancy. JAKE (CONT'D) You already know, Nancy? Ha-ha! Fooled ya', didn't we? Jake hugs Data tightly. Data flinches in pain. JAKE (CONT'D) (laughs) It's good to see you again. How long's it been? Too long, uh? Francis walks over to them. FRANCIS Lemme' see him, Jake. Move! He barges past Jake and bends down to Data's level. Data looks frightened. Eye-to-eye contact. Faces inches apart. FRANCIS (CONT'D) I remember you. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 67. FRANCIS (CONT'D) You know, you really don't look so different... well except for the shiner you got there. You did that when you fell. SILENCE. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Got any tricks up your sleeve? Data ignores him. FRANCIS (CONT'D) So you're getting married this Saturday? (laughing) I hope you live to experience it. You have a beautiful fiancee. (pause) Emma is it? DATA Emma? How do you know all of this? Is she here? EMMA! (threatening) If you've hurt her, I swear to God, I'll... JAKE (laughing) Oh, Francis, I think the next part goes something like... I'll kill you! He pinches Data's cheek. Data flinches. FRANCIS Okay, Houdini. I'd love to see you try! He punches Data in the face. His lip BLEEDS. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Now that one came from me. JAKE Hey kid shut-up, okay? Jake grabs Francis by the arm and pulls him away. NANCY Leave him alone you sick bastard! What the hell is going on here? (beat) Louie, you said we were just gonna' mess around. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 68. She stands up in protest. LOU Sit down! This is between them. He turns facing Francis. LOU (CONT'D) Calm down, what's the madder with you, eh? Always liked to fight dirty, just like your father. (beat) Stupid sonofabitch. Don't know what Maria saw in that idiot. He throws his hands up in the air and comforts Nancy. LOU (CONT'D) Shut-up all o'yous! We got plenty o' time. All amateurs! (pause) Your Mama, God rest her soul, she was just as useless as both o' you. But at least she knew how to play the game. Jake pulls out a roll up and smokes it. Francis pulls up a chair and sits opposite Data. FRANCIS Okay! (to Data) Listen, it's very simple. We tricked her into bringing you here. Data takes a deep breath. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Now your buddies are makin' their way up here... (pause) ... to trade you with some very expensive merchandise. He takes an apple from the table and takes out his POCKETKNIFE. He peels the skin off slowly, near Data's face. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Now they got another hour to get here, or... (pause) ... I'm gonna' kill you! He eats his apple. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 69. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Simple! They bring the goods, or I kill you. Either way I win. This is for Ma. (beat) You know she died in jail? Beads of sweat run down Data's face. Jake goes over to Lou and whispers in his ear. Lou turns back and watches Francis. Jake walks back over to Data. FRANCIS (CONT'D) God bless America! And what a bitch she is. JAKE Hey kid, oh I'm sorry, Data right? Data nods. JAKE (CONT'D) Yeah that's it, I remember now. I read about you. (beat) You're smart, inventing all those crazy little gadgets! We shoulda' stayed in school. Maybe, things would be different now. (beat) I take that back, school sucks! He laughs with Francis. He exhales smoke, making loop shapes. JAKE (CONT'D) So what's the story with Sloth? He never wrote us or nothin'. (beat) Figured he musta' done somethin' good, right? DATA What did you expect? Abuse doesn't sit well in court. Francis stares at him. Jake nods. DATA (CONT'D) He's a good person. Helps all sorts of people, kinda' like him. FRANCIS Very touching! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 70. JAKE I think I heard somethin' about charity work, and an adoption, yeah I remember now. Francis? Francis is disinterested. JAKE (CONT'D) The fat kid... Lawrence! You know, he was so funny, I'll never forget it. Full of wild stories! He laughs with Lou. Francis pushes in. FRANCIS Mama woulda' done anything for her boys. DATA Okay... did I miss something? FRANCIS (angrily) No, I did! I never saw Ma again! Jake puts his hand on Francis's back. Francis pushes it off, and Jake backs away. FRANCIS (CONT'D) You goddamn kids, it was all your fault. Those bastards never took care of her. (beat) She was an old woman, what kinda' doctors end up working inside? (pause) NOT the good ones. DATA I didn't know that, I'm sorry... FRANCIS Don't do that, don't say your "sorry". You're lying! DATA No... I'm not. I didn't know what happened. I didn't... Francis hits Data in the stomach. DATA (CONT'D) Owe! Data keeps his head down. Quiet sobbing. Francis looks emotional. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 71. FRANCIS That hurt? Huh? (beat) It's okay for you. You got family, you got a girl, you got it all. What do I have? (pause) Look around... Data looks up, his eyes are red. FRANCIS (CONT'D) ... my family's all here, and she don't even count. I got a lousy house, a stinkin' dog and that's it. You and your friends can all go to hell! Francis holds back tears. Jake, Lou and Nancy watch and wait. Francis tosses the apple-core at Data and storms out. Nancy looks at Data, and shows remorse on her face. Lou shakes his head and watches T.V. Tear tracks run down Data's face. Jake looks at him carefully. Pangs of guilt show and he shakes his head. SMASHING NOISES outside. CUT TO: INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER Passenger door opens and Chunk gets in. He faces the girls. CHUNK Hello, ladies! ANDY Hey! What's happening? CHUNK Well, they're still working on the chest. STEF What about Data? Oh God I hope he's alright. We should just give those ass-holes what they want and stop wasting time! She punches the back of the driver's seat. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 72. CHUNK It's complicated. Andy yawns and leans on Stef's arm. CHUNK (CONT'D) Anyway, we're good for a couple more hours. I'm sure he's okay. I think all they really want is that chest. ANDY Poor Data. Poor Emma! If she knew what was happening she'd be hysterical. STEF Those idiots don't know when to stay out of trouble. God, I'm stressed! CHUNK (chuckles nervously) Anyone know some karate, martial arts? Anything? STEF Just some self-defense and yoga. No basically. ANDY Me neither. (pause) But I have a can of mace! STEF I have a pocketknife and some tweezers! Stef pulls out the pocketknife and shows the others. CHUNK Why do you have a pocketknife? STEF You don't think that this situation answers your question, Chunk? Chunk shrugs his shoulders. ANDY So handsome, what's been happening with you then? Haven't caught up yet, have we? CHUNK Ah, you know same old stuff, work, hanging out with the guys. Nothing exciting, unfortunately. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 73. STEF You got a girlfriend? CHUNK Nope. STEF You like anybody? Chunk shakes his head half heartedly. Andy looks unconvinced. CHUNK I guess I like this girl at work. Actually, I've liked her for quite some time. But she's not interested. ANDY Oh honey, I'm sorry. What she say? CHUNK Well, I haven't told her, but you know how you can tell, right? Andy and Stef look at each other, unconvinced. STEF So you haven't actually said anything. (beat) What a way to live! That way you won't ever get hurt, I might try that! Chunk laughs with a sense of sadness. STEF (CONT'D) Seriously, did you ever think that she might actually like you? You're a great catch, Chunk. You're funny, caring... ANDY Polite, charming, sociable... STEF Outgoing, good looking... CHUNK Stop it you guys! He laughs and covers his ears. CHUNK (CONT'D) You don't have to say all that stuff. That's so sweet of you both. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 74. CHUNK (CONT'D) (pause) I just don't have the balls to put myself out there, you know? (beat) Rejection's harsh! STEF You know, if you don't talk to her you might miss out on the best thing that ever happened to you. Corny, but true. CHUNK (laughs) MAYBE I'll ask her out! What's the worse that could happen, I make another friend? (beat) I guess I'm being kinda' pathetic, right? Stef nods. ANDY Listen sweetie, just be honest, and tell her how you feel. No one wants to get hurt, but you gotta' take the chance some day. (beat) Don't live on the sidelines. You deserve to be with someone and you owe it to yourself to be happy! STEF Just be confident. Women love confident men. CHUNK GODDAMN! And all these years I been using comedy to pick up chicks. Andy laughs. STEF What's her name? CHUNK Julie. STEF Hmm, Julie. Yeah, do it! (laughs) Go ask Julie out! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 75. CHUNK Yes Ma'am! (pause) Okay, leave me alone aaahh! Man you girls are weird! CUT TO: INT. MUSEUM DISPLAY AREA -- CONTINUOUS A CLANKING NOISE. The locking mechanism can be heard moving inside. Mikey holds the chest lid up high. RAGS. ERIK You did it! Erik nudges Mikey. They watch fixated on his every move. He takes out the rags. A large gold crown, incrusted with jewels. In the middle, a large, pink diamond. Lots of pearls. An old book. A red cloak with a symbol of the cross on the back. Old bones. Ashes. MIKEY OHMYGOD! You guys... can you believe it? Look at what we're looking at! He holds up the cloak. It's dusty and heavy. He coughs. MOUTH What the hell ARE we looking at? BRAND (flatly) A cloak, a book, a shiny hat and a dead midget. Mouth, Brand and Erik laugh. BRAND (CONT'D) (to Mikey and Erik) I think you should both get an I.Q test or something. MIKEY This stuff's incredible. Imagine if someone put a story behind all this stuff. (pause) It could be worth... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 76. MOUTH (impersonating Dr. Evil from Austin Powers) One MILLION dollaaaars! Mouth waits for laughter. Brand smiles. Mikey is being serious. Brand stops smiling. BRAND I'm proud of you, Mike. Of both of you guys. Erik smiles. MIKEY (chokes on his words) Thanks, Brand. Me too. Mikey smiles. MOUTH Hey, what about comedian o' the year over here? Aren't ya' proud of him too? BRAND Yeah, yeah. Later, Mouth. ERIK Shouldn't we get going? MIKEY We can't let the Fratelli's have this. We'll put something else inside. (pause) There's some old pieces of pottery we found a while back. They won't be missed... much. Let's fill it and go. Mikey takes his jacket off and starts putting the contents into it. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD WORKSTATION -- LATER Francis and Jake walk downstairs. They see Data through the gap in the door, bound and gagged. Francis smiles. Jake sits on the bottom step. He picks up a strange looking tool. Francis sits next to him. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 77. FRANCIS Fetch me a glass o' water would ya'. JAKE Do I look like your dog? Don't answer that. FRANCIS Just get me the goddamn water okay? (beat) Where's my bag? Are you just gonna' sit here? He looks around the workstation. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Did you move it? JAKE NO! Calm down! (beat) I think you put it down by that cabinet over there. Francis gets his bag from around the cabinet. He opens it. Tired, he walks back over to Jake and sits down. He puts the bag by his leg. FRANCIS Focus on the plan. They'll be here soon. (pause) I cannot wait to see the looks on their faces. Jake nods. Francis gets up and stretches his back. Jake peers inside the bag. Francis turns around. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Don't touch my stuff! Go check your gun. Do something useful for a change. He snatches the bag out from Jake's hands. FRANCIS (CONT'D) C'mon move it, move it! JAKE Okay, okay! Enough! Jake gets up and goes to the office. Francis takes a gun out from the bag. He looks around cautiously. He takes out a BOX OF BULLETS and quickly loads the gun. He puts the gun inside his jacket. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 78. SUDDEN LAUGHING. Francis leaves and goes to the office. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS FRANCIS (smiles) I feel better now! JAKE Hey, Taxi just started! I love that show! (pause) You remember when we got out and drove to Reno? And we hooked up with them girls at the club? Francis takes a deep breath and nods. FRANCIS So what? Jake points to the T.V. JAKE They look like 'em. That's a night I'm never gonna' forget. Jake and Lou laugh crudely. Nancy rolls her eyes. The T.V reception breaks up. Lou hits it in frustration. Data stays quiet, seemingly depressed. LOU What's the matter with this? He suddenly gets distracted. LOU (CONT'D) Look at De Vito, he's so funny! I see a bit a' De Palma in me you know. NANCY Oh NO honey! He's so mean. You wouldn't hurt a fly. Nancy kisses Lou's face. Lou pats her knee. Jake is repulsed by their public affection. JAKE Are you kiddin' me? He's more of an ass-hole than De Palma ever was. No offence, uncle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 79. LOU None taken, Jake. You're more stupid than Latka! Francis laughs out loud. Jake looks offended. LOU (CONT'D) And Francis makes Jim look, uh, normal. Jake laughs. Data smiles. LOU (CONT'D) You think you're the only one who can make a joke around here? Francis walks over to the window. He sees the locomotive. It stopped raining. He looks at his watch again. CUT TO: EXT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER Mikey, Brand, Mouth and Erik return to the car with the chest. It's raining lightly. WINDOWS FOGGED UP. Chunk rolls down the window. Mikey leans through. MIKEY Open the trunk, dude. Hurry! MOUTH Mike, it's only going to take, what, twenty minutes to get down there? Chill! ANDY He's right, Mikey. We're good for another hour. Chunk helps them put the chest in the trunk. Everyone resumes their positions. Chunk is waiting outside. BRAND Come on, this is ridiculous. Stinks like my grandpa's feet in here. And he's been dead twenty years. Mouth tucks his feet further under his seat. SUDDEN BANGING on the window. Mouth jumps. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 80. ANDY Wait! Chunk can't fit. One of us has to stay. MOUTH Or... Not all of us should go? Mikey is pissed off. He opens the door and pats his lap. Chunk looks weirdly at him. MIKEY Get in front with me dude, till we figure somethin' out. Chunk sits on Mikey's lap. MIKEY (CONT'D) I know what you're thinking, but we'll vote who stays behind this time, okay? CHUNK Seems fair. (beat) Ya' mind movin' your cell phone Mike? It's kinda' crushin' my, uh, nuts... MIKEY GOT IT! Mikey takes his CELL PHONE from his trousers and puts it on the dashboard. MOUTH What we voting for? I mean, no offense girls, but what's the point of everyone taggin' along? ERIK What are we gonna' do when we get up there? MOUTH We need a plan. BRAND Mouth's right. We need to figure out who's useful and who isn't. No offense. ANDY None taken. I agree. STEF Me too. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 81. MIKEY Okay. Well, everyone who knows how to open the chest goes. Chunk looks at Mikey suspiciously. MIKEY (CONT'D) What's that look for? Don't gimme' that look man, come on! I feel bad enough already! (beat) This isn't about us, it's about Data. CHUNK Whaddaya' want me to do? I feel kinda' useless! ANDY Yeah, me too. Stef nods. MIKEY Listen up. Andy, Stef, you go back to Emma's house, make sure she doesn't suspect a thing. They nod. MIKEY (CONT'D) (to Chunk) Go back to your office and keep your cell and beeper on. We might need you to do some quick thinking if something happens. But wait for us to tell you first, okay? CHUNK Roger that. BRAND Good idea. (to Chunk) I know it looks like we're leaving you out again, but... CHUNK Hey, don't sweat it! Whatever I can do to help, okay? (beat) I might get started on my story anyways. MOUTH Thanks, man. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 82. MIKEY Good. Now get off my legs, I can't feel 'em anymore! CHUNK Mikey? MIKEY Yeah? CHUNK How we gonna' get back? Confusion. MIKEY Walk maybe? They all look out the car window. It's raining again. MIKEY (CONT'D) I have another suggestion. (beat) Just hear me out first. Mikey gets out and runs towards the museum. CUT TO: EXT. ASTORIA MUSEUM -- LATER Mikey drives out from around the back of the Museum in a noisy, VINTAGE MOTORBIKE, with a SIDECAR attached. He wears a helmet. Everyone is impressed. Mikey parks the bike near the car. Chunk gets out. CHUNK Way to go, Mike! That is so neat. (pause) Part of the museum's collection? MIKEY WAS! Go slow with the brakes. Everyone gets out. CHUNK Mikey, jus' so you know, if I break my neck, I'm gonna' sue your ass off big time! MIKEY Just take it slow, you're still pretty drunk, so be careful. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 83. MIKEY (CONT'D) Seriously dude, I'm not kiddin'. Listen to her, she's old! Stef and Andy walk cautiously to the bike. STEF Hey! I'M driving. I think I'm the most sober person here. Stef gets on it. Mouth follows her. Andy shelters under Brand's coat. STEF (CONT'D) Jump on! Mike, take this, it might come in handy. Stef throws a pocketknife to him. He winks back and takes off the helmet and puts it on the bike. CHUNK (to Mikey) Just bring Data back safely! (beat) Mouth, umbrella. NOW! Mouth gives the umbrella to Chunk. He walks over to Stef. She blanks him. He smiles at her. A few seconds later, she smiles back. Mouth pats her arm gently and she nods. Mikey hugs Chunk. Andy runs over to them and gets on the back with Stef. She puts on the other helmet. Brand gives her a quick hug. Chunk sitting in the sidecar, holds Mouth's umbrella over his head. Stef rides off. The others watch. CUT TO: EXT. THE DAILY ASTORIAN -- LATER Chunk punches in the security code and enters the building for the Daily Astorian. Stef HONKS the horn and drives off. CUT TO: INT. THE DAILY ASTORIAN -- LATER Chunk looks tired. The auto-complete function on his computer enters the e-mail address for CNN. He accidentally sends an e-mail to them. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 84. He is drinking his coffee. Suddenly, a phone RINGS. CHUNK Mikey? (confused) Hello? (pause) Yes, this is Lawrence. What? Who is this? (beat) CNN? Ohmygod! He looks at his sent mail and sees CNN'S address. CHUNK (CONT'D) Oh shit, CNN! Um, sorry about that... what did you say? Yeah... no I understand that. (pause) It was a joke! Because you have to okay, ass-hole! He SLAMS down the phone. The phone RINGS immediately. CHUNK (CONT'D) (to himself) Oh God, who the hell is this? It's after two in the morning for God's sakes, go to bed already! He answers the phone. CHUNK (CONT'D) Hello? COP (O.S.) Is this Lawrence Cohan? CHUNK Lawrence Cohen. COP (O.S.) We have a reported kidnapping, can you verify this please? CHUNK No, I can't. COP (O.S.) You can't verify that Ricky Wang was kidnapped earlier this evening and is currently being held hostage at the Railroad Preservation Site? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 85. CHUNK That's what I said. Are you actually listening to me? I said NO! He hits the computer. COP (O.S.) Please be aware that this conversation is being taped and that... CHUNK I don't care if I'm being recorded wise-ass! I said you can't go. He rolls his eyes. CHUNK (CONT'D) Good-bye! He hangs up. He starts dialing. CHUNK (CONT'D) Shit! (to himself) What have I done? No answer. CHUNK (CONT'D) Where the hell are you guys? CUT TO: INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER Music is playing on the radio. TENSE ATMOSPHERE. ERIK Mikey, do I take the next left? MIKEY No, make a right. MOUTH How much longer? MIKEY Ten minutes. Mouth leans forward in between the driver and passenger seats. MOUTH Let's go over the plan again. Me, you and Brand will take the chest to the Fratelli's. Erik'll wait in the car. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 86. MOUTH (CONT'D) If we don't come back after thirty minutes, Erik's gonna' call the cops and leave, right? BRAND Anything else? MIKEY Wow, great plan. MOUTH Listen Mikey, we know we don't have the best plan. No one got a memo 'bout tonight. MIKEY I know. I'm sorry. I'm really worried about Data. They could have guns, knives, anything. When we go in, well... (pause) ... we might not all come out. SILENCE. MIKEY (CONT'D) And you know what? The thought of that happening scares the crap outta' me. MOUTH Oh yeah? (beat) Well that's a risk I'm prepared to take. I don't care what I have to do to get him outta' there. I don't care if I have to get shot, stabbed or get my balls crushed to save him. I'll do it. (pause) If it were anyone o' you guys I'd do the exactly the same. Period. BRAND Me too Mike, whatever it takes. When we go in, we gotta' stick together, and no funky shit. MIKEY Yeah. (to Erik) You okay? ERIK Pretty scared. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 87. Erik pulls the car near the railroad. MIKEY Stop the car. We're here. BRAND Everyone ready? MOUTH Time? ERIK Two thirty. CUT TO: INT. BACHELORRETE PARTY -- LATER Stef and Andy check on Emma. She is asleep in bed. Stef looks at her cell phone anxiously. She sighs and starts typing a text message. CUT TO: INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER A CELL PHONE BEEPS. Everyone looks for their phones. MIKEY Whose is that? Maybe it's Chunk? MOUTH Hold on, think it's me. (laughs) I like to keep it on vibration mode. Mouth reads the text message, 'Get back in one piece. We need to talk. Don't do anything stupid, stoopid'. He smiles. MIKEY What's it say? Is it Chunk? MOUTH No. It's just the girls saying they got back okay. MIKEY Oh. Everyone gets out of the car. They take the chest and hide it behind a tree. Mikey smiles sadly. Brand hugs Mikey. Mouth wipes away tears and hugs Brand and Mikey. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 88. Erik joins in. MIKEY (CONT'D) (seriously) It's off to work we go. Erik gets back in the car. The others head for the Railroad. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- LATER Lou unties Data from the chair. He is gagged and cuffed. Nancy goes upstairs. Jake puts his hat on, takes a FLASHLIGHT and puts it inside his trousers. Francis walks over to Data. FRANCIS Stay there. Don't move, unless I say so. JAKE Hey, get over here. Francis walks over. Jake whispers to him. JAKE (CONT'D) You're a sick man, but I gotta' hand it to you bro, this wasn't such a bad idea. Me and Mary will be set for life. For once, I'm glad I actually listened to you. Francis looks at Jake who is straightening his hat. Francis smiles oddly. They put their coats on. FRANCIS Jake, you first. I wanna' bring him out. We'll put him in the last carriage. (to Lou) Keep a look out. Lou is walking up the stairs. JAKE Can you see 'em? LOU (over his shoulder) Be patient, they'll be here. CUT TO: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 89. EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- LATER Jake waits by the locomotive. He is preoccupied admiring it. A lot of mess and construction around the driver's cab and first carriage. Posters advertising the locomotive's grand opening for spring 2006. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- LATER Francis pinches Data's cheeks. Data cocks his head back. FRANCIS This'll be interesting. Let's see how much they love you? Francis unties Data from the chair. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Come on, start walking, and don't make a sound. If I hear you so much as breathe, I will shoot you, and lay you on the tracks, and run you over myself. Got it? Data nods. They leave. CUT TO: EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- LATER Jake holds Data tightly and follows Francis to the third carriage. He uses his FLASHLIGHT. Francis ties Data inside. It's filled with wood, paint and tools. Lou signals with a FLASHLIGHT THREE times. Francis leaves. Jake sees Brand, Mikey and Mouth approach the locomotive. He waits cautiously. JAKE Hey fellas. Wait right there. That's close enough. Jake puts the flashlight under his chin and switches it on. JAKE (CONT'D) Boo! Did I scare ya'? (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 90. JAKE (CONT'D) (laughs) I remember all a' you's. I have an excellent memory. He eyes them up and down. JAKE (CONT'D) (to Mouth) You! Big mouth! (laughs) Not so loud now huh? You look different, what happened to your face! What is that a beard or somthin'? He points to his own chin and laughs. JAKE (CONT'D) (points to Brand) Big brother, of course. (laughs at Mikey) And you. The leader of the gang. Ol' friends reunited! Silence. JAKE (CONT'D) Where's the chest? I don't see it. BRAND Where's Data? JAKE He's getting a 'make over'. MIKEY Have you hurt him? Where is he? Jake ignores him. MIKEY (CONT'D) I asked you a question ass-hole. Is he okay? JAKE Technically, I asked you first. (beat) So where's the chest? BRAND Don't worry. We got it. You bring Data and we bring you the chest. Simple. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 91. JAKE (laughs) Okay, fellas, I sense a little hostility here, so everybody calm down. Francis'll be out in a sec. (beat) If I were you, I'd get it now. He's not patient like me. (to Brand) You bring the chest. Brand nods and starts walking away. Mouth and Mikey start following him. Jake blocks them. JAKE (CONT'D) Uh, uh, uh. Stay. MOUTH But it weighs a ton! Brand stops and looks back. JAKE Oh please! Look at him for Christ sakes! (to Brand) Run along now. Brand leaves. JAKE (CONT'D) So, what's inside the box? MIKEY Dunno', it's locked. JAKE Really? That's no problem. He opens up his jacket. A gun. He winks at them. JAKE (CONT'D) We'll make it open. (to Mouth) Okay, go with him. Hurry. (to Mikey) Wait here. Mouth leaves. JAKE (CONT'D) Got eyes in the back o' my head. (beat) I gotta' go, but when I get back, you better be here. Mikey nods. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 92. JAKE (CONT'D) Being inside all them years, you learn a thing or two... so watch your back. Jake leaves. Mikey waits alone outside. He starts mumbling quietly. MIKEY (anxiously) Please be okay, please. He looks all around. A SUDDEN TUMBLING NOISE. WOODEN LOGS FALL onto the track from the locomotive. Mikey takes out a pocketknife and CUTS himself. He licks the blood off. MIKEY (CONT'D) (grimaces) Yep, it works. Mouth and Brand return. MOUTH Where'd he go? MIKEY Back inside. (beat) You guys alright? They nod. BRAND What the hell did you do to your hand? MOUTH Did that creep cut you? MIKEY (whispers) No, it's nothing. (beat) Listen, I think Data's on that train. He points. BRAND (whispers) How d'you know? (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 93. BRAND (CONT'D) Listen Mike, don't do anything stupid, okay? Especially you Mouth. MOUTH (whispers) Hey, I was planning on ditching you guys at the first sign of trouble! (beat) Trust me, no wannabe hero here. Jake returns with Francis. FRANCIS (laughs) Hey fellas! Say hello to your friend. (pause) Well whaddaya' know? He vanished! MIKEY (angrily) Where's Data? BRAND MIKEY! FRANCIS Listen ta' me. Until I see the inside of that chest, you ain't seeing nobody. Open it! MOUTH It's locked! Why don't you just take the... FRANCIS SHUT YOUR FACE! I want it open. NOW! (beat) What the hell are you waiting for? He pulls out his gun and points it at them. FRANCIS (CONT'D) (to Mouth) When I tell you to do something you do it! I don't like saying things TWICE! He points his gun at Mikey. MOUTH Oh, yeah? Well I don't like being threatened ONCE! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 94. BRAND Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute! Why don't we all just calm down. We'll open it. MIKEY (to Francis) Gimme' a minute. FRANCIS (to Mouth) You're seriously pissing me off. Don't do that. MIKEY (to Brand and Mouth) You remember how to do this? They nod. MIKEY (CONT'D) We need one of you to help us. It's complicated. JAKE Come again? MOUTH It's locked for God's sakes! FRANCIS (to Jake) Go help 'em. Jake joins them. FRANCIS (CONT'D) (to Mouth) You, I'm watching you, okay? Keep it zipped. Mikey shows Jake and they all push. The CHEST OPENS. Jake is in awe. JAKE Bingo! How cool is that bro'? This is a piece of art. Jesus look how old it is. FRANCIS Whatever. Everyone step back. (beat) You too Jake, I get first look. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 95. Jake is upset. He turns and looks up at the railroad office. Nancy is waving. He looks back at the chest. JAKE No way, we look together. (pause) What about Lou? We wait for him too. The others creep back. FRANCIS He's busy! Get outta' my way. Francis lifts the lid open. Jake looks back again and sees Nancy trying to signal something. Francis smiles eerily. He sifts through pieces of pottery, discarding them. FRANCIS (CONT'D) That's it? Old plates and friggin' cups! (beat) Where'd you hide the rest? JAKE What have you boys done? MIKEY What are you talking about? That's it. (pause) It's worth a fortune... you're RICH! FRANCIS You're LYING! You expect me to believe this bull? (beat) What is this crap? Francis waves his GUN at them. Jake is distracted by Nancy. He starts to walk off. FRANCIS (CONT'D) Where you going, Jake? JAKE I'll be one minute, I swear. (beat) I think I left something inside. He mimes the word, 'GUN'. Francis nods. Mikey looks confused. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 96. FRANCIS Hurry, you don't wanna' miss this. Jake leaves. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- MOMENTS LATER Jake searches around the workstation and office. JAKE (shouting) LOU! Where are you? He runs upstairs to a small locker room. The room is very old with pipes exposed and dirty towels are on the floor. He sees Nancy on the floor, with BLOOD on her arms. She is in the shower with Lou. He is huddled in the corner. JAKE (CONT'D) (to Nancy) What the hell happened? He taps Lou's cheek. It's wet and bloody. JAKE (CONT'D) Lou, you okay? (to Nancy) Wake him up. NANCY (crying) Your brother and Louie were arguing, and shouting. You were outside. Then, he came back, telling me to keep my mouth shut. I was too scared to come out, and so I went to the window and... JAKE Woah! Steady. I'm not gonna' hurt you. He taps Lou's face and he comes round. He is dazed. JAKE (CONT'D) Uncle Lou, you okay? What's that crazy sonofabitch done to you? Lou taps Jake's face, making it wet. LOU Jakey. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 97. LOU (CONT'D) (pause) Francis was puttin' rounds in his gun... so I had a go at him and he hit me! The little punk! (beat) I think he wants to settle the score with them. (pause) You wanna' keep your brother on this side a' the bars, you better get out there. JAKE Jesus! I'm so sorry. A LOUD GUNSHOT. Jake jumps. CUT TO: EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- LATER It's raining. Francis points his gun upwards. Smoke is coming out. Brand kicks and knocks him down to the muddy ground. Mikey runs toward the train. Francis fires a second shot. He hits Brand in the shoulder. MOUTH (shouts) BRAND! BRAND Ah! My arm! You bastard! FRANCIS Yes! Ha-ha! MOUTH (to Francis) You son of a... Mouth tackles Francis to the ground. The gun gets lost in the mud. Mouth punches Francis in the face. Francis is unconscious. His glasses are broken. Mouth tends to Brand. Mikey looks back. He pauses, looking at Brand then at the third carriage. He sees Mouth helping Brand and runs towards the last carriage. CUT TO: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 98. INT. THIRD CARRIAGE -- LATER Mikey jumps onto the last carriage. Data. Bound and gagged. MIKEY (shouts) DATA! It's okay, I got you. Everything's okay, man. He gets his pocketknife out, cuts through the ropes, and Data wriggles free. He unties Data's gag. DATA Mikey! What's going on? The train starts moving. MIKEY We gotta' get outta'... (pause) What the hell? (beat) We're moving. DATA Who's driving the train? Mikey shrugs his shoulders. CUT TO: EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- LATER A LOUD WHOOPING NOISE. Jake leans out of the driver's cab. Confusion. Mouth sees Mikey and Data leaning out of the third carriage. Mouth urges Brand up, and they make a run for the train. Jake leans out of the driver's cab. JAKE (shouting) All aboard! (beat) Hey! Jump on! We're leaving! MOUTH (shouts) WHAT? LOUD CHUGGING NOISE. He runs, supporting Brand. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 99. BRAND (shouts) He said, get on the train! MOUTH What? (beat) Are you crazy? CUT TO: INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- MOMENTS LATER They jump onto the driver's cab. Brand is bleeding. They rest inside and stare at Jake cautiously. JAKE (laughs) You nearly missed your ride! MOUTH To where? Hell? (pause) Why'd you pick us up man? (beat) I mean one minute you're waving a gun at us... (pause) ... and then all of a sudden it's like Back to the Future Part 3 round here! (beat) What the fuck, dude? JAKE Hear me out. (pause) As you know, my baby brother seems to have lost his mind... (laughs nervously) ... so I figured this was as good a way as any to get outta' here! Brand and Mouth look at each-other unconvinced. JAKE (CONT'D) Hold on, this baby needs to shift a gear. Jake quickly loads more wood into the fire. The train suddenly jolts forward. A LOUD SCREECHING NOISE. CUT TO: INT. THIRD CARRIAGE -- LATER Mikey and Data fall inside the carriage. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 100. Tools, paint cans and wood tumble out of the train. Data and Mikey look worried. CUT TO: EXT. RAILWAY TRACK -- LATER Scaffolding standing 15 ft tall over the track. A footbridge is being built. CUT TO: INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- CONTINUOUS LOUD SCREECHING SOUNDS. The train hits 30mph. Brand is doubled up in pain. Mouth takes a closer look at his bullet wound. MOUTH What the hell is that noise? JAKE How the hell should I know! (beat) She's teething, they're still fixin' her up. He looks at Brand. JAKE (CONT'D) How is he? MOUTH Okay, I think. (to Brand) Hey! It went straight out the other side man, you're cool. He finds an old cloth and straightens it out. MOUTH (CONT'D) Lemme' put this 'round you. He makes a sling. BRAND Where'd you learn to do that? MOUTH STEF! (beat) Damn that wench. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 101. BRAND (to Jake) Hey! Where'd you learn to drive a steam train? JAKE Discovery channel! BRAND Cool. JAKE She's a beauty ain't she? She still needs some work, but they don't make'em like this no more. (pause) Hey, I'm sorry fellas. I'll drop you down the line. (beat) I'll take care of Francis later. Crazy bastard. CUT TO: INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER Erik checks his watch. He takes out his cell phone and starts dialing. He drives off. CUT TO: EXT. THIRD CARRIAGE -- LATER Francis jumps onto the first carriage. Mikey and Data lean out. They shout. Mouth leans out. LOUD CHUGGING NOISE. MIKEY (shouts) Is everything okay? MOUTH YEAH! MIKEY OKAY! Mikey gets back inside. Data does a double take. Lightening. Data sees Francis clearly, heading towards Mouth. DATA MOUTH! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 102. Mouth looks confused. DATA (CONT'D) (pointing) THE ROOF! Mouth looks up. Francis is pointing his gun straight at him. He dives back inside the driver's cab. SCAFFOLDING approaching. CUT TO: INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- MOMENTS LATER Brand and Jake jump. MOUTH (to Jake) Your psycho brother bummed a ride! Jake appears confused. Mouth points up over his shoulder. MOUTH (CONT'D) (shouts) Look! JAKE What? He leans out and looks at the first carriage. JAKE (CONT'D) Oh shit! BRAND Well, that's just great! JAKE (points to the furnace) Keep feeding that thing. Mouth nods. He throws wood into the furnace. Jake leans out. BRAND (concerned) Be careful! CUT TO: FULL SHOT RAILWAY TRACK -- LATER The train hits the scaffolding. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 103. LOUD HOLLOW METAL-AGAINST-METAL sounds echo around the driver's cab. The pipes hit the trailing carriages. Mikey, Data, Jake, Mouth and Brand all lean out of different sides of the train. CUT TO: INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- LATER Brand looks at Mouth suspiciously. BRAND What I tell you? MOUTH Hey! I did not do THAT! CUT TO: EXT. DRIVER'S CAB -- LATER Jake sees Francis and is startled. Francis's face is bloody, muddy and bruised. His glasses are broken and he is soaking wet. LOUD CHUGGING NOISE. SHOUTING over the noise... JAKE What the hell are you doing? FRANCIS Workin' out, what's it look like? JAKE Are you crazy? You're gonna' kill yourself up there! FRANCIS Where are they? JAKE Gimme' your gun! FRANCIS No! Jake pulls out his gun and aims it at Francis. Mouth, Mikey, Data and Brand lean out, watching. JAKE Don't make me shoot your ass. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 104. FRANCIS What? JAKE Drop the gun! Francis laughs. FRANCIS It's not even loaded, dumb-fuck! Francis shoots Jake. He hits him in the stomach. Jake looks dumfounded. Francis laughs hysterically. He climbs closer to the driver's cab. Mouth and Brand drag Jake back inside. CUT TO: EXT. THIRD CARRIAGE -- LATER Mikey climbs onto the carriage roof, and crawls towards the driver's cab. Data leans out of the train. DATA You'll break your neck! MIKEY I have to go! DATA I'm comin' with you! Data and Mikey crawl slowly in the rain. CUT TO: EXT. DRIVER'S CAB -- CONTINUOUS Jake falls. Mouth catches him. He coughs up blood and gets his gun out. JAKE Take this and... help the others. Mouth nods and wipes the gun dry. JAKE (CONT'D) (coughing) Always come prepared. Do what you gotta' do. (pause) Can't help you now. Jake falls unconscious. His hat drops on the floor. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 105. MOUTH Brand, I think he's unconscious. Wake him up. BRAND What are you doing? MOUTH Jump starting karma! BRAND What? Mouth starts putting more wood into the fire. MOUTH More speed! (beat) Come on, help me. Brand helps him. The train slowly picks up momentum. CUT TO: INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- CONTINUOUS Francis knocks his gun suddenly against the train and clumsily enters the driver's cab. Mouth and Brand back off, scared. Jake remains unconscious on the floor, bleeding. Mouth hides the gun inside his jacket. FRANCIS Hey fellas! MOUTH Don't move, ass-hole! FRANCIS No, you don't move, "ass-hole". I got the gun. (beat) You broke my glasses. They were designer. MOUTH Designed by who, Wal-Mart? Mouth pulls out his gun. He accidentally fires it at Francis. He misses. Francis starts laughing. Mouth and Francis are pointing their guns at one another. FRANCIS This is great? Two down, one to go! MOUTH Hey! I'll shoot you, I swear! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 106. FRANCIS (laughs hysterically) Stop it! You're killing me! CUT TO: EXT. FIRST CARRIAGE ROOF -- LATER Data cautiously peeks inside the driver's cab and assesses the scenario. He whispers to Mikey and Mikey nods. The train hits 40mph. They climb onto the roof. Data hangs his legs over the side door behind Francis. Mikey holds onto him. CUT TO: INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- CONTINUOUS Data swings his legs twice for momentum, then kicks Francis in the back. Francis falls forward into Mouth who catches him. Data pulls his knees up to his chest. He is above the door frame. Francis fights off Mouth. Mouth pistol-whips Francis on the back of the head. FRANCIS Owe! Mouth looks confused. Francis grabs Mouth. - Brand snatches Francis's wrist and twists it. The gun falls. - Jake regains consciousness and takes Francis's gun. - Mouth grabs Francis's collar and wrestles him to the floor. - Brand punches Francis in the face rendering him unconscious. Jake staggers up, clutching his bloody stomach. He stares at Francis's motionless body. JAKE Nice move, guys. Leave 'im there. Mouth looks disappointed. Jake crouches to the floor. MOUTH Kinda' expected my pistol whip to knock him out. Always does on T.V. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 107. MOUTH (CONT'D) (beat) Good job, Brand. BRAND You have no idea how good that felt. That came from both of us. Mouth smiles. JAKE How do I look, uh? BRAND Tore up. MOUTH From the floor up. JAKE That good, huh? MOUTH You asked! JAKE One a' you boys care to help me up? MOUTH No worries man, take it easy. Mouth bends down and supports Jake. He leans him against the controls. MOUTH (CONT'D) Lemme' put some more a' those rags on your stomach, help stem the bleeding. JAKE You don't have to do that, kid. MOUTH Yeah well, you didn't have to pick us up neither. Mouth ties cloth around Jake's midriff. MOUTH (CONT'D) Hold still. Jake grimaces. Brand leans out the cab and looks up. BRAND HEY! It's all clear. Data and Mikey's heads appear over the lip of the roof. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 108. MIKEY You okay, Brand? Brand rubs his shoulder. BRAND It hurts like hell, but I'm cool. We're okay bro. (beat) Get to a carriage, it's not safe yet. Mikey nods and moves out of sight. Mouth leans against Brand. MOUTH Ask Leon up there if he's okay! BRAND What? MOUTH Forget it. Mouth turns back inside and sees Francis waking up. He takes the gun and holds it over him. Francis opens his mouth. MOUTH (CONT'D) Say one word, man. Just one. Silence. BRAND Yeah, do us all a favor. (beat to Jake) You really don't look so good. MOUTH (points to Francis) What do we do with him? JAKE Don't worry 'bout it. I'm takin' care of IT. Jake coughs. He points to a lever. JAKE (CONT'D) (to Mouth) Pull that, it should stop the train. Mouth pulls the leaver and the train begins to slow down. JAKE (CONT'D) (to Francis) Get up! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 109. FRANCIS Jake, thank God! I think I hit you in the wrong place, sorry bro... JAKE SHUT UP! Part of the plan Francis? Something you forgot to tell me? He points to his stomach with the other gun. FRANCIS Hey, I wasn't gonna' leave you like this. Come on, I'm your brother, Jake? Wait a minute! I can explain. (beat) Okay, put the gun down. JAKE Are you crazy? We just got outta' prison! (beat) Take the chest and go, ain't that what you said? You gonna' kill everyone and run you sick bastard? FRANCIS Don't do this, come on, I'm your brother. Your only brother Jake. (beat) I'm helping you an' Mary... JAKE Shut your mouth you lying, scheming, crazy sonofabitch. There's a word for people like you Francis. PSYCHO! The train STOPS. Jake points the gun at Francis. He spits on the floor and wipes traces of blood across his face. JAKE (CONT'D) Last stop, everybody off. CUT TO: EXT. RAILWAY TRACK -- CONTINUOUS Mouth and Mikey help Jake down from the train. Francis looks petrified as Jake points the gun straight at him. Mikey walks over to them. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 110. MIKEY Don't do it! He's not worth going back to jail for, man. FRANCIS Yeah, listen to him, they'll never let you out, and you'll never see Mary again. You're never gonna'... JAKE Didn't I tell you to keep that shut? (to Mikey) I gotta' finish up kid. Don't worry about it. MIKEY Wait! Think for a second. You're better than he is. You've changed. You helped us, so I'm helping you. Don't do it! Francis looks anxiously at Jake. JAKE I'm not killing no brother. I'm killing this low life, piece o' crap. MIKEY But you got a chance to prove you've changed. You have a choice, don't screw it up, this is it, right here. Make the right one. A HELICOPTER flies overhead with a powerful bright light scouring directly over the train. PROPELLERS SOUND LOUDLY. POLICE CAR sirens sound nearby. HELICPTER COP #1 (robotlike) Everybody stay where you are. The helicopter lands nearby. Two cops approach the group. HELICOPTER COP #2 Drop the gun, pal. Hands on your heads. Everybody! Everybody puts their hands on their heads. Francis runs off towards the woods. The cops chase after him. Jake has his hands on his head. He falls to the ground. A helicopter cop approaches Mikey. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 111. HELICOPTER COP #2 (CONT'D) Put your hands where we can see 'em. MIKEY (shouts) But he's hurt! POLICE CARS arrive. Mikey helps Jake back up and slowly walks him over with the cops. The others get searched for weapons. JAKE (laughs and coughs) I'm in... MIKEY (laughs) Deep shit! Oh yeah! (beat) But I got your back. Jake nods and winks to Mikey. Mouth runs back into the cab quickly and returns holding Jake's hat. MOUTH Think you dropped somethin'. JAKE (laughs feebly) Thanks. Mouth and Mikey watch as the paramedics tend to Jake. Other cops chase after Francis. Chunk, Stef and Erik run over to them. MIKEY Hey guys! MOUTH HEY! CHUNK You guys! You're okay! I was so worried! MIKEY How'd you get here? STEF We'll explain later. Come here! They all hug. Data rushes over. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 112. MIKEY I gotta' find Brand. STEF He's with the paramedics. Andy's with him too. He'll be fine, don't worry. DATA! Stef wraps her arms around Data tightly. Mouth watches her and smiles. Stef winks back at Mouth. DATA (to Stef) Hey! Is Emma alright? Where is she? STEF Snoring her ass off! DATA Thank God! STEF God, are you okay? Look at your face, what happened? DATA I'm fine! MOUTH Come here, man! Mouth hugs Data tightly. MOUTH (CONT'D) (to Data) Nice move back there. Whaddayer' think you are, a stuntman or somethin'? DATA (laughs) Nah. Just built like one! MOUTH Yeah, sure. Data talks with the others. MOUTH (CONT'D) (to Stef) So I'm still in one piece, now what? STEF Now this. Stef leans forward and kisses Mouth awkwardly on the cheek. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 113. MOUTH Hey, maybe this isn't such a good idea. Stef looks anxious. MOUTH (CONT'D) I think I can do WAY better than that. STEF Oh yeah? MOUTH Hush puppy! They kiss and embrace. The others watch and smile. More cars arrive with reporters. Various news channels start filming the group. One REPORTER approaches Chunk holding a microphone. Chunk snatches the microphone out from his hand. CHUNK Is this on? REPORTER (annoyed) Hey, wait a minute! CHUNK Ya' snooze, ya' lose. He faces the camera and addresses the CAMERAMAN. The red light is on and the cameraman is filming Chunk live. Mikey watches Chunk and shakes his head, laughing. CHUNK (CONT'D) We're coming live from the Astoria Railroad Preservation Center, where the notorious Fratelli brothers took savage revenge on their old enemies, the Goonies... Mikey nudges Chunk. MIKEY ONE Fratelli brother actually! Mikey steps back quickly and leaves Chunk alone. The reporter is huffing next to the cameraman. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 114. CHUNK Join me exclusively this morning, as I reveal first hand, all the horrifying details surrounding this spectacular event... CUT TO: FULL SHOT RAILWAY TRACK -- LATER - Jake inside an ambulance. - News channels interviewing Andy, Mouth and Stef. - Data talking on his cell phone. - Cops taking statements from Mikey and Erik. - Nancy and Lou inside a cop car. - Chunk reporting live. - Francis cuffed and driven away. - Brand and Mikey in air ambulance. CHUNK I want to say a quick hello to my family and let them know I'm okay. This is Lawrence Cohen signing off for... Looks at the logo on the microphone. CHUNK (CONT'D) ... FOX, reporting live from Astoria, Oregon. Thank you. CUT TO: INT. DATA'S BEDROOM -- DAY Mikey and Data dressed in wedding attire. Data turns to Mikey struggling with his tie. DATA This is it Mikey, I'm getting married. I'm really getting married. MIKEY I just can't believe it you know? I mean look at you, all grown up, gettin' all serious. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 115. DATA Hey, I have you and the others to thank for that. MIKEY Well, you'll never forget it that's for sure! DATA Did the police say anything about Jake yet? MIKEY I think our testimonies will help. Francis'll probably end up in some mental institution. Jake'll be okay. DATA So... today is as they say, a new day. Mikey straightens Data's tie. DATA (CONT'D) (laughs) Mike, I couldn't have asked for a better best man! MIKEY You think you had a choice? He shakes his head. MIKEY (CONT'D) Still clue-less after all these years. DATA No. You're my best friend. (beat) You always had that job down. MIKEY Well what the hell are we waiting for? We're yammering away like old women, come on! Just get to the goddamn church okay? CUT TO: EXT. WEDDING CAR -- LATER Inside the white limo is a blacked out interior divider. It rolls down. Mouth is the driver. Chunk is sitting next to him. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 116. Mouth smiles and winks cheekily. Data is shocked. Mikey rolls his eyes and shakes his head. CUT TO: INT. ASTORIA CHURCH -- DAY Church filled with friends and family. Wedding service is underway. Music plays as the priest marries Data and Emma. They kiss. Andy plays the piano. Data and Emma walk up the aisle. Bridesmaids behind. Mikey follows. Andy hits the WRONG NOTE. LAUGHTER. Andy winks at Data. CUT TO: INT. WEDDING TABLE -- EVENING Data and Emma are sitting with bridesmaids, Mikey and in- laws. Mouth, Stef, Brand and Andy are the next table to them. Five seats are vacant. Chunk, Julie, Erik, Ron and Patrick's names are on the table headers. Brand's arm is in a sling. It's covered in graffiti. Andy gazes over at Data and Emma. BRAND Are you okay? ANDY Yeah. I'm just getting, you know, caught up in the moment. They look great together don't they? Brand nods. BRAND Anything else? Somethin' on your mind? (beat) Talk to me. Mouth and Stef leave the table. Stef winks at Andy. ANDY I'm a little nervous. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 117. ANDY (CONT'D) (pause) I wanted to um... ask you if you wanted to go out sometime? Do you want to? She stares at him. ANDY (CONT'D) You're quiet. Maybe I got it wrong. God how embarrassing! He takes her hand in his. BRAND Wait! What are you saying? ANDY Nothing. Forget it. BRAND What are you doing twenty-four hours from now? ANDY Not washing my hair? BRAND Great! Then we have a date. Brand wraps his good arm around her. He kisses her lightly on the lips. CUT TO: INT. DANCE-FLOOR -- NIGHT Mouth and Stef are standing by the dance floor. STEF I think we need to fix Mikey up. He's been single way too long. MOUTH I agree. STEF Seen any hotties here? MOUTH Actually, I have. One in particular. (pause) She's breathtaking. STEF Interesting. She available? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 118. MOUTH Oh no. She's way out of his league! He leans against her. She sips her drink flirtatiously. STEF Poor Mikey. (beat) He stand a chance? MOUTH Nope! She deserves way better. STEF Well that won't do. Maybe it's not meant to be. MOUTH Guess not. STEF You seem pretty sure o' yourself. (pause) Do I know this unfortunate woman? Mouth wraps both arms around her waist. MOUTH Intimately! STEF You're so gross! She turns kisses him on the lips. MOUTH And I thank God for that everyday! Stef drags him onto the dance floor. Lots of people dancing. CUT TO: INT. WEDDING TABLE -- LATER Andy examines the graffiti on Brand's sling. A large caricature of Brand bending over. Caricatures of Mouth and Chunk kicking his ass. ANDY (laughs) They got a little carried away! BRAND Tell me about it. (MORE) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 119. BRAND (CONT'D) I fell asleep in the hospital, and those jerks drew all over me. Now I gotta' wear this crap for a fortnight. Mouth and Stef re-join Andy and Brand. Brand nods and laughs. Brand puts his good arm around Andy. They kiss. Chunk and Julie arrive. They sit down. Ron, Patrick and Erik arrive. CHUNK Hey guys. (points) Julie, this is Mouth, Stef, Andy and Brand. There's Erik and some guys Data went to college with. JULIE Hi everyone. STEF Hi Julie, you look really pretty. ANDY Hi! It's so nice to finally meet you. Mouth and Brand wink at Chunk. His face turns red. JULIE It's great to meet you all too. (beat) Excuse me, but I'm just going to the rest-room. I've been holding all day! STEF Great! I'll join you. ANDY Me too! They leave. Mouth, Chunk and Brand chat quietly. Mikey arrives. MIKEY She's cute. MOUTH I gotta' hand it to you bud, you have excellent taste. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 120. Brand nods. CHUNK Yeah, she's lovely. MIKEY Now you got her, make she you keep her. CHUNK I'll do my best! MOUTH Seriously dude, it took long enough. MIKEY You can talk! Data arrives. DATA Hey, how's everyone doing? Where the girls? CHUNK Bathroom. DATA Which one of you is next? (beat) Come on, none of you are getting any younger, or prettier. Data looks at them. MOUTH Me? Hell no! BRAND One wedding at a time. CHUNK Ask me when I get past my third date! (beat) Hey, what about Mikey? MIKEY Don't feel sorry for me! I like being single actually. DATA Whatever you say buddy. There must be somebody you're not telling us about? Spill it! MIKEY I swear there isn't! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 121. BRAND Bro, you've been single way too long. MOUTH That museum is seriously putting a huge dent in your love life, Mike. MIKEY I'm fine! God, will you just drop it! Maybe I'll meet someone tonight, are you happy now? Stef, Andy and Julie walk back over and sit down. Emma arrives with a present. STEF What's that? DATA Oh yeah! I forgot. It's from Sloth. I wanted to open it in front o' you guys. Thanks, Em. EMMA It's okay, sweetie. Data opens it. A large photo frame. A photograph of them all with Sloth as kids. Everyone smiles. ERIK Hey. Is that you guys? Oh wow, you all look so young! STEF Would you look at my clothes! MOUTH Look at my hair! JULIE (to Chunk) Awe, you look so cute! Chunk looks embarrassed. CHUNK Yeah, I was a fat kid! MIKEY Hey look, I think there's something inside the frame. Open it! Data takes off the back of the frame. A card. MIKEY (CONT'D) What's it say? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 122. DATA "Dear Data and Emma, congratulations on your wedding. Sorry I'm not there. Agent booked me to Thanksgiving! Hope you like the picture. We look funny". (laughs) Oh, here's where he drew a happy face! "See you in Oakland. Be good, Sloth". EMMA What a sweet gift! MOUTH Whatchya' doing in Oakland? DATA He bought us tickets to see the Raiders play. MIKEY Cool. The live band makes it appearance on stage. There is a drummer, a guitar player, a keyboard player and two vocalists, one male, one female. (She is a Cyndi Lauper look-alike). The band starts playing cover versions of traditional wedding party songs. BEGIN CLOSING TITLES: STEF I love this song, come on let's dance! - Mouth and Stef on the dance floor. Others follow. - Brand sits alone. - Mikey dances with Data's sister. - Mouth suggestively winks and raises his eyebrows. Data gives Mouth an evil glare. - Chunk and Julie dance together. - Brand dances with Andy. - Stef and Mouth dance wildly. - Ron and Patrick show Erik how to make rude straw shapes at the table. - Andy drawing on Brand's arm. - Erik gives beer to Mikey, Mouth and Data on the dance-floor. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 123. - Chunk kisses Julie. - Data and Emma dance. - Mouth belches LOUDLY. - Stef kisses Mouth passionately on the lips. FADE OUT: END CLOSING TITLES: THE END

Written by Andy Petrou