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Monday, August 17, 2020

The Tale of Tin Can Kade by Mark Renshaw – short script review (available for production*) - post author Michael Kospiah

THE TALE OF TIN CAN KADE (5-page short western screenplay) by Mark Renshaw

On a quest for vengeance, a grieving outlaw’s chance encounter with a scam artist turns out not to be a chance encounter at all…

Today’s review is of yet another short screenplay from the annual Writer’s Tournament, a western written by Mark Renshaw – this was one of Week 4’s top-scoring shorts (there was a three-way tie for top honors). The three criteria elements that Mark was assigned to include in his entry were: an OBSERVATORY, a LEATHER BELT and a PHARMACIST.

We’re taken back to the year 1843 in Cincinnati – back then, it was considered the wild frontier. This was a time when frontier justice was the real law of the land. We meet charismatic outlaw and title character, Kade as he enters the town’s main drag with a tin can strapped to his belt, something rattling inside of it. It’s here where he meets salesman/street pharmacist, Doc Barth, who travels from town to town, selling miracle remedies and cure-all potions to naive townsfolk.

Later that night, while both men yuck it up over a bottle of whiskey at a saloon/cantina, Doc lets Kade in on a little secret in regards to his miracle remedies…

            BARTH
It’s all in the mind. The ingredients
are just there for effect. The power
of the mind is what cures these folk.
And if not, I’ve a potion for that too!

As the night continues, Kade reveals the source of the rattling inside the tin can he keeps with him, calling them his “little reminders” – he shows Doc his daughter’s first tooth she had lost as child.

            BARTH
Well, I’ll be damned. Mister Kade, are
you a sentimental man?

We find out that Kade is indeed a sentimental man, at least when it comes to his family… a family he lost tragically… a tragedy that has left him thirsty for revenge…

What was really impressive about this script was that it takes you places you’d least expect. Rather than a traditional, rootin’-tootin’ western with shootouts and train robberies, the writer tells a different kind of revenge tale… without compromising the thrills.

BUDGET: Low to Medium due to location.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Mark Renshaw is an award-winning screenwriter/producer, his sci-fi TV pilot script “Nearscape” reaching the semifinals of the prestigious Page Awards and 2nd round of the Austin Film Festival. His short script, “Cyborn” was the inaugural winner of the Inroads Screenwriting Competition. Reaching the top 4% of the BBC’s Open Drama Submission, Mark has also been added to their list of promising writers. His latest sci-fi short, The Survivor: A Tale From the Nearscape, which he wrote and produced, currently has a worldwide distribution deal with Meridian Releasing, also serving as a proof of concept for a TV series. You can check out Mark’s produced films and scripts on his website at www.mark-renshaw.com.

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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

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Friday, August 14, 2020

Finding the Brother by Bill Sarre – short script review (available for production*) - post author Michael Kospiah

FINDING THE BROTHER (5-page short mystery-thriller screenplay) by Bill Sarre
https://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/FindingtheBrother.pdf

A private investigator is hired by an old friend to find his long-lost twin brother… who may or may not exist.

Okay, Week Three of the Simply Scripts annual Writer’s Tournament theme was NATURE VS NURTURE, a hot-button topic often discussed in some very controversial debates.

The top-scoring entry for week three (based on writer’s votes) was Bill Sarre’s thought-provoking mystery short, Finding the Brother. The three items he was given to include in his script were; a CIGAR, a PUBLIC RELATIONS SPECIALIST and a CASINO.

We open on the Vegas strip, where we meet our story’s protagonist, Jack Faith, a 60-year-old private investigator whose job is to “improve the odds, whatever the hand given”, as he describes in voice-over while at a casino’s roulette table – I kept hearing Humphrey Bogart’s voice as I read his dialogue.

One week earlier, we’re taken to a bar owned by Midnight Carter, an old friend of Jack’s. Brothers from another mother almost. On this night, Midnight gives Jack an envelope full of cash and asks him to find his long-lost twin brother – the two were supposedly separated at birth. But Jack’s a little reluctant to take on his buddy’s case. After all, Midnight isn’t even a hundred percent sure he has a twin brother in the first place – he was told he had one by a tarot card reader/psychic. Jack is skeptical, but Midnight has a feeling. So, to appease his old pal, Jack takes on the case.

Unable to find anything concrete online, Jack decides to put in some leg work and visit the county hall registry – but he comes up empty, only seeing that there was one birth at the time Midnight was born. But the sleuth that he is, he asks Midnight why he was named Midnight in the first place. This seems to open things up a bit and, sure enough, Jack finds his long-lost twin (the time of birth seems to have been the key to finding him).

The man’s name is Felix Star, a famous (or infamous) public relations agent to some of the biggest stars in Hollywood. And he’s coming out with a new tell-all book, dishing out all the dirt and juicy gossip about his clients over the years.

As Jack digs deeper, he discovers that Felix’s upbringing couldn’t be any more different than his old pal, Midnight’s.

            JACK (V.O.)
Life’s not fair. Not to me, not to
Midnight. But it was for Felix.
     (beat)
One goes to a rich family. Thinks
the world owes him. The other to a
kids home, run by a sick priest.

While Midnight grew up to be an honest, hardworking, good person despite his harsh upbringing, Felix, raised in luxury and privilege, grew up to be a pretty awful person who gets his rocks off by preying on the vulnerable.

Jack’s investigation leads him to the Vegas strip, where Midnight’s unsavory twin brother has a book signing. It’s here that Jack will inform Felix of Midnight and the two long-lost twins will be reunited. But Jack’s left with a bit of a moral dilemma, here. Yes, Midnight will know for sure that he, indeed, has a twin brother that was separated from him at birth. But, given how much of a slimy, despicable individual Felix is… is Midnight better off not knowing?

I won’t give away EVERYTHING, but the story’s conclusion was surprisingly heartwarming and left me with all the feels once I was finished reading. Despite how well-told the actual story was, what I was most impressed with was how much I cared about these characters and liked both Midnight and Jack. What started out as a gumshoe-type detective tale turned out to be a terrific and heartfelt meditation on friendship. I highly recommend this to any filmmaker looking to make an emotional impression on their audience while keeping them on the edge of their seats with taut storytelling.

BUDGET: Medium. Outside of the casino, the locations are actually pretty simple. But, despite only a few speaking roles, there are some crowd shots in here that will require some extras. I’m sure with some clever film making and access to certain resources, this can be made on a sensible budget.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Living on the Island of Jersey, part of the UK, Bill Sarre has been writing scripts for nine years after a lifetime of imagining them in his head. Having started to put them on paper, Bill has focused on short scripts winning the likes of the London Film Awards in the process. Bill has also been a multiple finalist in major competitions such the Page Awards and Blue Cat, with further success at Nashville and Fresh Voices. He writes across all genres with a preference for developing characters the reader not only can understand, but also care for. Bill can be reached at: bill.sarre@gmail.

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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

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Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Ice by Paul Knauer – short script review (available for production*) - post author Michael Kospiah

ICE (5-page short mystery screenplay) Written by PAUL KNAUER

Another entry from WEEK FOUR of Simply Scripts’ annual Writers Tournament. One of the top entries, which was assigned a genre and three criteria items under the theme, YOUR HERO IS THE VILLAIN, was Paul Knauer’s clever, who-dun-nit, crime-thriller, the aptly titled, ICE. Paul’s genre was MYSTERY and his three criteria items were; a HAND WARMER, a BAILIFF and a FACTORY. Big props to Paul, by the way – he’s been going beast mode during this tournament, also achieving a top voter’s score in Week Two with his script, LINES (which I also reviewed not too long ago).

Now, as I was reading through the first few pages, I was wondering to myself, “Why the hell is the title of this script called Ice?” I thought that maybe it was a play on words, like maybe somebody got “iced”, or killed. I mean, someone DID get killed in the story, but that’s not why is was given that title. When the mystery of this tale is solved later in the script, I understood – the title also just so happens to be a hint to the mystery presented to us. Which is pretty damn cool.

The story opens as hard-edged, tough-as-nails Detective Brown arrives at a crime scene, along with his assistant, Meg. Still stewing from the previous week’s trial when a man he put behind bars was found innocent and set free, Detective Brown isn’t in the best of moods.

The crime scene, at an abandoned warehouse/factor, is a grisly one – a man named Skip Turner was found brutally gunned down. The police at the scene seem to have ruled it a suicide, but Detective Brown, who recognizes the man, suspects foul play.

            DETECTIVE BROWN
Fuck me. It’s Skip Turner.

            MEG
Skip – from the case? Last week?

            POLICEMAN
Gunshot wound. I’m thinking suicide.

            DETECTIVE BROWN
In the chest?

Luckily, the murder weapon was recovered at the scene – a gun with the serial number filed off. But Detective Brown is able to trace the gun back to a man named Bruce. It’s apparent that Detective Brown recognizes Bruce when he and Meg pay him a visit – he was the bailiff at Skip Turner’s trial last week.

Though Bruce reported the gun missing the week before, Detective Brown has a feeling about him – during the trial, there was a scuffle in court where Skip elbowed the bailiff in the face, leaving a nice shiner around his eye.

            BRUCE
Kill a guy over an elbow? That’s ridiculous.
You can go – now.

On his way out, Detective Brown grows even more suspicious of Bruce when he spots a few key items at the bailiff’s home – a needle and syringe sitting in a trash can and a couple of hand warmers peeking from beneath magazines on a side table. But HOW exactly are these key items in this case, you ask?

I won’t reveal TOO much here, as part of the fun is discovering how this crime was committed. But let’s just say that the syringe, needle and hand warmers cleverly come into play… along with an ice cube. I know you’re grinding your gears right now, trying to figure it out, but you’ll need to read for yourself to truly enjoy how this mystery unfolds.

After seeing KNIVES OUT recently and pretty much binge-watching every true crime show on every streaming service available over the past five months or so, I really, really needed something else to satisfy my appetite for a good crime-thriller/mystery. And especially after watching UNSOLVED MYSTERIES on Netflix, a show in which the mysteries remain, as the title indicates, unsolved, I needed something with a little resolve. Luckily, I stumbled upon ICE.

The script, obviously, was impressive on its own. But what really impressed me was that such an intricately and cleverly plotted script was written on such short notice, with assigned criteria items to include into the story – all while making those items (specifically the hand warmers) so vital to the story’s stunning reveal. Not only that, but it was all crammed into five pages of script without feeling forced or hurried, packing a punch that some half-hour and hour-long crime shows can’t match.

Incredibly clever, it would be a “crime” for this one not to be produced and seen on screen.

BUDGET: I’d say low to medium – there aren’t too many characters or locations, though the set designer would have to create the illusion of a court room (which could further be cheated with clever film making) and wardrobe would need to be involved for the cop uniforms. Either way, the script is worth whatever budget it will hopefully be given.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Paul is an optioned and produced screenwriter working out of the Kansas City area. His main focus is thrillers and slightly absurdist comedy with heart, most of them about life in the Midwest U.S. His first script, a sitcom pilot titled OH, BROTHER!, placed second in the 2012 Fresh Voices Screenplay Competition and was subsequently optioned. Paul’s diverse portfolio includes several feature thrillers, a couple of comedy features and multiple sitcom pilots, as well as dozens of shorts across genres. He believes that becoming a better writer requires the ability to push personal boundaries. Paul can be reached at: pkcardinal (a) gmail.

Read ICE (5-page short mystery screenplay)

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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

Monday, August 10, 2020

Snake My Drain by Marnie Mitchell – short script review (available for production*) - post author Michael Kospiah

SNAKE MY DRAIN
(5-page short fantasy screenplay)

by Marnie Mitchell

Unsatisfied with her marriage, a down-on-her-luck housewife begins fantasizing about a handsome plumber. But as fantasy blurs with reality more and more, her obsession with him becomes very dangerous.

WEEK FOUR of Simply Scripts’ annual Writer’s Tournament resulted in a three-way tie. One of those top entries was a dark fantasy short written by the supremely-talented Marnie Mitchell called, SNAKE MY DRAIN, its title drenched in sexual innuendo. And for good reason…

The theme for Week Four was, YOUR HERO IS THE VILLAIN – a theme that was sure to conjure up some pretty dark entries. Marnie’s three criteria items were; a PLUNGER, a PLUMBER and a HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE.

Our story’s hero/anti-hero is Lorraine, a down-on-her-luck housewife who’s very unsatisfied with her marriage. We open on her desperately trying to unclog the garbage disposal in her sink. Along with the faucets not working and an overflowed toilet, this was the last thing she needed. And it’s all thanks to her poor excuse of a husband.

After breaking the plunger handle while trying to unclog the garbage disposal, she takes a trip to the local home improvement shop to pick up a replacement. And that’s when she meets Rick – fit, tone and handsome as can be, Lorraine swoons over him. This guy is a dreamboat.

Desperate to get Rick’s attention, Lorraine asks for some assistance, soon learning that he’s a plumber. Jumping on the opportunity to get him alone, she asks him to come over and tend to some of her “plumbing” *wink-wink*. What ensues next while at the store felt like a musical number out of a David Lynch film like Blue Velvet or Wild at Heart – Rick breaks out into song, serenading Lorraine seductively as the lights dim and a spotlight shines on him. Soon, in what felt like the “Just Dropped in To See What Condition My Condition Was In” scene from Big Lebowski (song performed by Kenny Rogers, RIP), a chorus line of back-up singers (Rick doppelgangers) break out into a choreographed dance routine.

Of course, we find out that all of this is taking place inside of Lorraine’s head, though it seems very, very real to her at first… almost DISTURBINGLY real.

When Rick arrives the next day to fix her plumbing, Lorraine continues to have odd sexual fantasies running through her mind. But as the fantasies continue, we notice that they’re beginning to blur into Lorraine’s reality, making her behavior seem a bit odd and off-putting, ultimately leading to Lorraine embarrassing herself in front of the younger stud.

And it’s at that point when the proverbial excrement hits the fan in a pretty shocking reveal that I won’t spoil for you in this review. But I will say that Lorraine’s husband is, indeed, responsible for the clogged garbage disposal in the sink (hint-hint).

Dark and twisted, yet gleefully entertaining, especially the fantasy sequences, SNAKE MY DRAIN is guaranteed to be a hit at film festivals with the right filmmaker at the helm. It reminded me of BLUE VELVET, BUFFALO 66, PSYCHO and BIG LEBOWSKI all rolled into one. Highly recommended to any filmmaker with a panache for the surreal.

BUDGET: Pretty sensible actually – Outside of the fantasy sequence at the hardware store (which would require some pretty simple visual effects), it’s only two simple locations and two actors.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Marnie Mitchell is an award-winning screenwriter and 5-page contest junkie. Due to her addiction, she’s written over 80 shorts, 15 having been produced. Currently she’s working on her 8th feature, an adaptation of a horror short she wrote 10 years ago. Some of her work can be found on her site, BrainFluffs.com. Some of her photography can be seen here: marnzart.wordpress.com. Marnie can be contacted via her website.

Read SNAKE MY DRAIN (5-page short fantasy screenplay)

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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

Friday, August 7, 2020

From Vilna with Love by Warren Duncan (short script review – available for production*) - post author Michael Kospiah

FROM VILNA WITH LOVE (5-page short historical screenplay) by Warren Duncan

Twenty-four years after the death of their parents in war-torn Germany, a brother and sister seek revenge on the man responsible.

The second-place entry of Week Three’s Writers’ Tournament was the emotionally gut-wrenching and thought-provoking revenge tale, From Vilna With Love, its title somewhat of a play on the James Bond film/novel From Russia With Love. Though the tone of each story couldn’t be any more different. This is a revenge tale.

Before I get into the actual review, let’s go over the three items the writer was assigned to include in this tale; a DIE-CAST TOY CAR, a PAINTER and a PLACE OF WORSHIP. All of which are so naturally weaved into the story, I almost forgot that there were three items that needed to be included. Though one of the items has great symbolic importance to the story’s theme.

We’re taken back in time to 1963, post-World War II Germany, where brother and sister, Tomasz and Lena drive through snow-covered landscapes in the middle of the night, eventually arriving at an isolated cottage deep into the forest. Why they’re here, we don’t know yet.

That’s when we flashback to 1939 – Tomasz and Lena, small children, play while their parents, Piotr and Nadia (both painters) sell their work at a local market in Vilna, Poland. A loving family, Tomasz in particular seems to be obsessed with his favorite toy, a miniature, red toy car. So much so that he even plays with it during dinner, to his father’s chagrin.

But, during what seems like a peaceful dinner with family, the impact of bombs in the distance throttle the small home.

In a later flashback, we’re taken to a church where the family, along with several other frightened Vilna residents, hide from Russian soldiers, who eventually make their way in. It’s there where Tomasz and Lena witness the execution of their father at the hands of soldier, Viktor Ivanov, a memory forever etched into the siblings’ memories, especially Tomasz, who tries to come to his father’s aid, dropping something on the ground.

Viktor ignores Piotr and points towards the object that fell from Tomasz’s hand.

            VIKTOR
     (to a soldier)
What is that?

The soldier retrieves the object and hands it to Viktor, it’s the red toy car. Viktor laughs.

            VIKTOR
The time for being a child is over.

Back to present time at the isolated cottage, we find out that this is Viktor’s home. And it’s made abundantly clear why Tomasz and Lena are there when Tomasz knocks on the front door with a gun.

You’ll have to read for yourself to find out how this tale of revenge ends. But I will say that the ending might surprise you. I personally pictured this being filmed in black and white with the toy car being the only color we see in the story. Much like Steven Spielberg’s masterpiece, Schindler’s List, the red car’s purpose in this story (more specifically the color red) is so vital to the theme. But, in this story in particular, it’s especially vital to the theme of nature vs nurture – a child’s innocence taken away from them at the hands of a cruel, war-torn environment.

One of the more engaging shorts I’ve read in quite a while, this is a story meant to be seen on screen.

BUDGET: Medium. Historical/time period pieces have the reputation of carrying bigger budgets, but with clever planning and fairly simple locations, this can be filmed on a sensible budget. Regardless, the story is worth every penny.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Warren Duncan writes screenplays and comics in his spare time and has been lucky enough to have several shorts produced and the first issue of his comic book series published. Warren can be reached at: warren_duncan (a) hotmail.com

FROM VILNA WITH LOVE (5-page short historical screenplay)

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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

First Generation by Mark Renshaw – short script review (available for production*) - post author Michael Kospiah

FIRST GENERATION

(5-page short science-fiction screenplay)

by Mark Renshaw

When a female android takes her pedroid dog in for repairs, an accident turns her world upside down and reveals her entire existence has been a lie.

Another script from Week Two of the Simply Scripts annual Writer’s Tournament that I completely gushed over was Mark Renshaw’s futuristic candy-for-the-eyes sci-fi tale, First Generation.

Falling under Week Two’s theme of BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER, Mark was assigned sci-fi for his genre while also being assigned the following three items to include in his story: an ankle monitor, a veterinarian and a repair shop. Though the criteria assigned seemed quite daunting, Mark was up to the task, somehow finding a way to weave his three items seamlessly into an extremely unique, futuristic and yes, very cute and romantic love tale.

We open in a baby nursery, where a newborn is given a small, mechanical ankle bracelet, applied by a robot hand operating from the ceiling above.

We’re then introduced to the world in which the story is set in – it’s written and described in a way that the reader can EASILY picture it. So much so, that it almost feels like you’re there; jam-packed with holographic signs, flying cars and kids riding hover boards, it feels like Back to the Future meets The Jetsons.

Arriving at PETE’S PEDROID REPAIR SHOP, we meet Evie, who leaves her 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air convertible, entering the repair shop with her bulldog tagging along. What’s a pedroid, exactly? We find out as Evie enters the shop – animals of all kinds crawling and flying around, it looks like something out of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

We meet Pete, the owner of the shop, who flicks a parrot off his shoulder as he tends to Evie.

            PETER
How may I assist you, madam?

            EVIE
My pedroid unit is behaving
erratically.

Peter pats a workbench. The Bulldog leaps onto it. He grabs the dog’s tongue and gives it a yank. It stretches out while the dog’s head tilts back and opens to reveal electro-mechanical components.

But, before he can repair the pedroid, his ankle unit starts to malfunction. At the same time, Evie also has a malfunctioning ankle unit – in a meet-cute moment, their malfunctioning ankle units react magnetically, drawing their ankles together. As they try to pull apart from each other, their flung in opposite directions – Evie hits the floor hard, banging her noggin as her robot ankle is busted open, the exposed wires sparking, fluid spewing.

But while shaking off the cobwebs, her vision becomes blurry and her perception of reality alters – no longer are we in this colorful, futuristic reality but we’re in the present day. The pedroid shop is now a dingy repair shop. Her fancy convertible is now a beat-up jalopy. And her robot ankle is no longer spewing robot fluid – it’s now bleeding. She’s 100% human.

Neither Pete nor Evie know exactly what’s going on. She asks if Pete can fix them up, but he only knows how to fix pedroids – they’d have to go to a “humdroid” repair shop aka hospital. En route, in the back of an ambulance, Pete is seeing the same depressing world that Evie is seeing, surely a product of their ankle units malfunctioning. Is this the real world? And are their ankle units merely altering their perception of reality? Creating a better, virtual alternate reality?

They gaze at the depressing scenery as the vehicle clunks and stumbles along. Pete turns to Evie with fear in his eyes.

            PETER
What’s happening to us?

She reaches out, her hand finding his. They clasp hands like it’s a life line.

            EVIE
It’s okay. They’ll fix us.
They have to.

At the medical clinic, the furniture old and worn, paint peeling off the crummy walls, Peter and Evie each lie in hospital beds. Instead of human doctors, they’re treated by DOCBOTS rather than actual human doctors – rusty, robotic arms operating from the ceiling, wrapping up their ankles in bandages rather than “repairing” them.

Unfortunately for Pete and Evie, they’re rare, first generation “models” and the technology to build and repair them has been lost. They can, however, self-repair minor damages. Instead of repairing them, the DOCBOT offers them new ankle units (like the babies in the opening scene).

            DOCBOT (V.O.)
With these, I can monitor you, and they
make your limited lifespan more tolerable.
However, for your own safety, I do not
recommend you two come into close contact
again. Without them, you will continue to
experience conflicting sensations. The
environment is beyond our ability to repair.
Your existence will be disagreeable.

Now fully aware that they’ll remain stuck in this cruel and depressing-looking reality without the ankle units, they’re forced to make a decision – but if they choose the ankle units and this better reality, these two lovebirds will never be able to see each other again. So, they make their decision…

… Which I won’t give away in this review. You may be able to see where it’s going, but I highly recommend checking the rest out for yourself. Though the alternate reality paints a bleak picture of the future, we learn that nothing beats the feeling of being human and feeling human sensations… such as love.

BUDGET: Medium. Some may look at this and think the story would require a higher budget, and it most likely would considering the futuristic, sci-fi atmosphere of the story. And I normally review scripts with lower budgets, but due to the insane creativity and uniqueness of the story, I had to give this one a review. As I mentioned, this would make a great animated film as it may keep the budget sensible. But, if the filmmaker decides to go live-action, it would be a great opportunity for a visual effects artist to show off their stuff.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Mark Renshaw is an award-winning screenwriter and producer, his sci-fi TV pilot script “Nearscape” reaching the semifinals of the prestigious Page Awards and 2nd round of the Austin Film Festival. His short script, “Cyborn” was the inaugural winner of the Inroads Screenwriting Competition. Reaching the top 4% of the BBC’s Open Drama Submission, Mark has also been added to their list of promising writers. As a producer, his first two short films, “No More Tomorrows” and “Surrender” have enjoyed successful runs on the independent circuit, garnering several awards. His latest sci-fi short, “The Survivor: A Tale From the Nearscape”, which he wrote and produced, currently has a worldwide distribution deal with Meridian Releasing, also serving as a proof of concept for a TV series. Mark has also had several short stories published, including “Ragnarok” by Cohesion Press in the horror anthology, “SNAFU: Resurrection”. You can watch check out Mark’s produced films and scripts on his website at www.mark-renshaw.com.

Read: FIRST GENERATION (5-page short science-fiction screenplay)

Discuss this script on the discussion board.

*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

Monday, August 3, 2020

Lines by Paul Knauer – short script review – available for production* - post author Michael Kospiah

LINES (5-page short thriller screenplay) by PAUL KNAUER

A mother and daughter, struggling to get by, find themselves eluding gangsters when their deadbeat, drug addicted husband/father can’t pay the gangsters the money they’re owed.

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER was the theme for Week Two of our annual writer’s tournament here at Simply Scripts, which saw many impressive entries – each writer was given a different genre and three items to include in each of their scripts. I assumed the theme was about loyalty to family in some form and, after reading several of the entries, my assumptions were correct.

One entry that caught my eye while also notching the top overall voting score was a cool little thriller called Lines, written by the very talented Paul Knauer. A Simply Scripts vet who’s had several scripts optioned and produced, Paul is no stranger to these challenges and tournaments, continuously placing high in many of them. I’ve already reviewed two of his entries – Potato Radio, an entry from the COVID themed May One Week Challenge, and Passwords, from the horror/sci-fi themed June One Week Challenge.

Paul, of course, was assigned to write something in the thriller genre while also being given the following three items to include in his script – ketchup packets, homemaker and an auto body shop. And not only did Paul seamlessly weave these items into his story, but each item actually played a major role in the plot.

Through the story’s opening visual, we immediately understand the title of Paul’s tale as we see some drug paraphernalia neatly lined up on a desk at an auto repair shop (criteria item #1). We’re introduced to Steve who, along with being a mechanic, is also a deadbeat father, awful husband and meddling drug dealer who owes his boss some money – rather than selling his product, he’s been partaking a little too much.

Back at their apartment, we’re then introduced to Steve’s wife, Leslie, the homemaker (criteria item #2) who desperately searches the empty cupboards and refrigerator, trying to find dinner for their eight-year-old daughter, Stella. Met with cobwebs, Leslie decides to gather some change and take Stella to a local fast food spot to order a burger off the dollar menu. But as they’re gone, two goons break into their apartment, searching for the stay-at-home mom and the little girl, most likely related to Steve’s money situation.

Meanwhile, Leslie and Stella are at the fast food spot, getting dinner. While the fast food clerk has their back turned, Stella snatches up a bunch of ketchup packets (criteria item #3) and stuffs them into her mother’s purse – this seems to be a routine for them while also being a strange way of mother and daughter bonding.

After leaving, Leslie sees the auto repair shop in the near distance and decides to take Stella there to pay Steve a visit. Unfortunately, Steve’s no-nonsense drug boss, Victor, has already beat them to the punch. Unbeknownst to Steve or Victor, Leslie eavesdrops from the other side of Steve’s office door.

            STEVE
You can’t have my daughter. Please.
She’s my blood. My angel.

            VICTOR
You prefer, I take you? And, what’s
left of my drugs, of course. What’s
your life worth – a couple grams?
What’dya say – your kid, and you
get me the money – or your life?

Steve hesitates. Looks at the picture.

            STEVE
How about my wife?

Ouch, that’s gotta hurt. But Leslie’s got something else up her sleeve, finding a way to get back at her husband while ALSO eluding Victor and his goons. I won’t spoil it for you, but let’s just say those ketchup packets come very handy and play a major role in her plans.

Insanely clever, especially given the assigned criteria with one week to write, Lines is one that filmmakers and producers should be scrambling for. With a sensible budget and great characters, this could EASILY be filmed with social distancing in rules in effect.

BUDGET: Low to shoe string. Writing on a budget can be tricky when it comes to these writer’s tournaments where each writer is given a certain criteria to meet. But this one has a minimal cast and simple locations.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Paul is an optioned and produced screenwriter working out of the Kansas City area. His main focus is thrillers and slightly absurdist comedy with heart, most of them about life in the Midwest U.S. His first script, a sitcom pilot titled OH, BROTHER!, placed second in the 2012 Fresh Voices Screenplay Competition and was subsequently optioned. Paul’s diverse portfolio includes several feature thrillers, a couple of comedy features and multiple sitcom pilots, as well as dozens of shorts across genres. He believes that becoming a better writer requires the ability to push personal boundaries. Paul can be reached at: pkcardinal (a) gmail.

Read: LINES (5-page short thriller screenplay)

Discuss this script on the discussion board.

*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

Find more scripts available for production.


About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

Friday, July 31, 2020

The Infernal Device by Jesson Kinder – short script review (available for production*) - post author Michael Kospiah

THE INFERNAL DEVICE (11-page short horror screenplay) by Jesson Kinder

Writer’s block becomes the least of a novelist’s worries after she buys a cursed typewriter. Each story she completes leads to more blood on her hands. Can she escape the curse?

As a writer myself and a massive fan of the horror genre, I was immediately drawn to Jesson Kinder’s clever slasher/supernatural hybrid, The Infernal Device, after checking out the log line. I’m always up for a good “cursed item/totem” horror story – Child’s Play, Annabelle and Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell come to mind. But, while I’m drawn to movies that explore curses, hexes and voodoo, the fascination carries over to real life. Now, I don’t really believe in that kind of thing, but there’s definitely a what if factor that scares the hell out of me. I searched Ebay for cursed items and found listings for dolls, Dybbuk boxes, paintings, coins, jewelry, Ouija boards, you name it. Again, I don’t believe in that sort of thing. But would I ever purchase any of these items? Hell no. I wouldn’t want any of those things anywhere near me. It’s highly unlikely, in my opinion, that these items carry curses – but just in case I may be wrong, I’ll pass. It’s just not worth the risk.

But what if you didn’t know an item was cursed? Well, that’s exactly what happens to the story’s protagonist, Mallory Chambers, a best-selling author who stumbles upon a cursed typewriter at a yard sale.

The story opens with Mallory furiously typing away on said typewriter. Under a lot of pressure to follow up her last best-selling novel with another hit, she seems to be suffering from a little case of writer’s block. It’s almost as if she’s FORCING herself to write. Sure, most writers usually do the same, but there seems to be a life-or-death sense of urgency motivating her. That’s when an intruder breaks into the room with one goal in mind – to kill Mallory.

But just as she’s about to get killed, we cut to Mallory in a cafe, staring at her laptop. It turns out that the opening scene was either a dream or a possible excerpt from her new book… so we think.

With the 4th of July coming up, Mallory and her successful actor boyfriend, Javier, hit up a yard sale at a trailer home to purchase some fireworks. But Mallory has her eye on something else there… the typewriter. The typewriter that its seller, Gene, who looks like he hasn’t slept in years, is more than happy to get rid of.

Immediately using the typewriter with hopes of being inspired, Mallory gets back to her next novel, Killing King – it’s about Stephen King’s creations coming to life, as she describes it to Javier. But sure enough, in very cleverly executed meta-horror fashion, her own creations come to life and innocent people start getting killed off by a psycho wearing a paper-mache mask… an almost perfect replica of Mallory’ s face!

Once she discovers that her story is coming to life and innocent people are getting offed, she tries to get rid of the typewriter. But whether she’s tossing it into a dumpster, smashing it to bits or setting it on fire, it always seems to mold back into shape and return to her.

After more casualties, Mallory tries returning it to its seller, Gene – who, of course, doesn’t take the typewriter back. But he breaks down the rules for her – which I won’t reveal here because it’ll spoil the fun of finding out on your own. The script does follow a formula we see in a lot of books and films about curses and cursed items, but it’s a proven formula. And writer, Jesson Kinder, executes it so damn well. Insanely entertaining and immensely clever, The Infernal Device will have you on the edge of your seat all the way through to its chaotic finale. A fun ride throughout, it will be impossible to wipe the grin from your face while reading.

BUDGET: Low. There are a few locations, but they’re mainly simple – a coffee shop, an apartment and a trailer home. The priciest part of the script is probably the ending (there’s a fire/explosion involved).

ABOUT THE WRITER: Jesson Kinder has been writing teleplays, shorts, and a feature length movie scripts over the past several years. Though he has yet to “break in”, he continues to work hard at his craft and improve as a writer, still typing away and creating stories. Regardless of the genre, Jesson love a good story with memorable characters – applying that very same love to his own works. Jesson can be reached at jessonkinder (a) mail.com.

Read THE INFERNAL DEVICE (11-page short horror screenplay)

Discuss this script on the discussion board

*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

Find more scripts available for production.


About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Let ‘er Rip by John Staats – short script review (available for production*) - post author Michael Kospiah

LET ‘ER RIP (5-page short drama screenplay) by John Staats writing as “Weak Won”

An outlaw’s last words are more befitting than he intended.

The SimplyScripts 2020 Writer’s Tournament is officially underway! The annual writer’s tournament kicked things off in its first week with the theme, Money Is the Root of All Evil. If you’re a casual or new visitor of the site, this year’s tournament paired writers off in teams, with each writer given criteria to meet in a two to six-page short screenplay – they’re given a genre along with other random items to include in their individual stories. Now, this may seem like a difficult task, especially considering that each writer was given only a week to complete their scripts. But, hey, that’s why it’s called a challenge. And after reading through the Week One entries, it was clear that the talented writers here at Simply Scripts were more than up to the task.

My favorite of the bunch for Week One and, coincidentally, the highest scoring entry, was Let ‘Er Rip, written by the immensely talented John Staats.

His genre? Historical. Which isn’t exactly my favorite. But my expectations were COMPLETELY subverted by the time I finished this delightfully morbid tale, of which the criteria included; a gavel, a reporter and a park. Which he seamlessly weaved into a very entertaining little gem… while being historically accurate.

The subject of this sharply-written historical piece was infamous cowboy turned outlaw/train robber, Tom “Black Jack” Ketchum of the notorious Hole in the Wall Gang that operated in America’s west in the 1880s.

The story opens with the judge banging a GAVEL (that’s one criteria item) before sentencing Ketchum to death by hanging. For what exactly? Felonious assault of a train – yes, you read that correctly. I know this may sound like a spoiler, but I’m sure you knew what happened to the Titanic before watching Titanic. This is merely historical fact – Ketchum was the first person to suffer capital punishment for the offense of “felonious assault upon a railway train” in New Mexico Territory (which did not become a state until 1912).

Ketchum was accused of attempting to rob a train – the conductor recognized “Black Jack” and shot him in the arm, which was later amputated. But as a REPORTER (criteria item No. 2) interviews him in jail, Ketchum denies the accusation.

            TOM
Not much to tell. I tried to wave
down a train and the engineer put
two loads of buckshot in me. They
arrested me, cut off my arm, and
now I’ve been Judged.

            KINCAID
Do you claim innocence?

            TOM
Of felonious assault of a train?
Tell me…how does one assault a
moving train? And how does that
translate to a hangin’?

That’s exactly how the U.S. government felt about the law – they later found it to be unconstitutional. Unfortunately for old “Black Jack”, the law wasn’t changed until after his hanging. Just his luck, huh? Well, karma might’ve been in effect in this instance – after all, there were numerous other robberies and murders. So, one couldn’t feel TOO sorry for the outlaw.

During his interview with the reporter, despite being sentenced to hang, Ketchum expresses a more positive view on his time in prison while rubbing on his plump belly.

            TOM
Hell, been eatin’ three squares a
day for almost two years now. This
here cot ain’t half bad neither.

Perhaps he’s been living a little TOO well – it’s been said the man packed on about thirty extra pounds while behind bars. Now, what relevance does his immense weight gain have in this story? That’s one aspect I won’t spoil for you. However, the ending stays true to historical fact while somehow being funny yet incredibly morbid without being gratuitous. You’ll have to see for yourself. But, interesting fact – the story is so historically accurate that a good portion of the reporter’s voice-over dialogue at the end was the actual reporter’s verbatim written account of the hanging – taken from an article written in the Denver Times back in 1901.

Its title taken from Ketchum’s last words, Let ‘Er Rip is an incredibly entertaining historical short that would be awesome to see on screen.

BUDGET: Low to mid budget. It’s a historical period piece, but there’s ways to keep the budget sensible in regards to props and costume. Historical reenactment groups can be a source to rent out stuff on the cheap. Also, vintage props in general can be pretty cheap to rent and even purchase. Though it may take someone good with their hands with carpenter skills to put together the gallows – perhaps one can be fashioned from an old, wooden swing set. It will be a great opportunity for the filmmakers and set designers to get creative!

About the writer: As a fly-fishing fanatic and skier living in the Arizona desert, John Staats has plenty of time for writing. After focusing on features and shorts for the screen, John has now ventured into writing for the illustrated page with hopes of eventually writing a full-feature graphic novel. His feature Impasse has also been published as an e-book on Amazon. John can be contacted at jestaats(a)hotmail.

Read LET ‘ER RIP (5-page short historial drama screenplay)

Discuss this script on the discussion board

*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

Find more scripts available for production.


About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

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