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Wednesday, November 6, 2024

House Divided by Paul Knauer – Short Script Review – Available for Production* - post author Matthew Taylor

House Divided (Short, Drama) 5 pages by Paul Knauer

A couple reaps the consequences of a long held disagreement.

Most of us have held onto a grudge longer than we should, clutching it stubbornly when it might be easier to forgive and forget. But few have gone to the same lengths as the characters in Paul Knauer’s excellent script, HOUSE DIVIDED.

The story follows Richard and Lizzy, an elderly couple living with a quirky setup. Like bickering siblings forced to share a room, they’ve split their entire house down the middle—right down to the very last detail.

INT. SMALL HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Two of everything. TVs. Recliners. Side tables.

In fact, the room is split right down the middle, as marked with faded SPRAY PAINT across the aging carpet.

Richard pushes the front door closed. He heads for the

KITCHEN

Richard sets the groceries on the counter. The kitchen, just like the living room, is divided–there are lines everywhere.

The aging stove–split–two burners on each side of a line. The table. The counter. Everything divided by faded paint, weathered tape, whatever else was handy in the moment a long time ago.

Richard, standing left of a line on the floor, empties the bag, setting some of the food left of a line on the counter, some on the right.

He pulls out two cartons of milk, opens the fridge, where, yes–there’s a line down the middle. He places one carton left, one right.

As we follow Richard through his daily routine, we can’t help but chuckle at the absurdity and sheer dedication to this divided lifestyle. But make no mistake—this script isn’t all laughs.
When Richard finds Lizzy collapsed on the bedroom floor, he realizes she’s not on his side of the line.

            LIZZY
Maybe call for help?

Richard hurriedly pulls a cell phone from his pocket. His hands shake as he tries to dial. In fact, they shake so badly, he drops the phone.

The phone bounces off the bed, lands at Lizzy’s feet–on the wrong side of the line.

His shoulders slump: This is bad.

She looks up. Her phone sits on a table, right of the bed. It’s not an option.

            LIZZY
Stay with me?

            RICHARD
Of course

You’ll find yourself rooting—no, practically yelling! —for him to break through the invisible walls that they’ve maintained for so long. At first, Richard seems heartless for not immediately rushing to her side, but as the scene unfolds, it becomes clear that his reluctance is rooted in deep love and an abiding commitment to his wife. His adherence to her wishes and the boundaries they set together adds layers of tenderness to this seemingly absurd situation.

The simplicity of the setup allows the deeper themes of love, regret, and connection to shine through with heartbreaking elegance. If you want to know what happens to Richard, Lizzy, and their divided house, I strongly urge you to read Paul’s masterful script. You won’t regret it.

And that final shot? Genius! It perfectly encapsulates the emptiness that remains when we cling too hard to our divisions—both hilarious and deeply moving. With only two actors, minimal dialogue, and a single location, this is a filmmaker’s dream. You’ll just need a bit of imagination for that unforgettable final shot.

 

About the writer: Paul Knauer’s main focus is thrillers and slightly absurdist comedy with heart, but he believes becoming a better writer requires pushing personal boundaries, so you’ll notice a thorough mix of genres in his portfolio. Much of his work has universal appeal, evidenced by successful productions in the UK, UAE, and US–and options in Australia, Russia, India, Canada, and Thailand. He recently optioned his first feature.

Read: House Divided (short drama) 5 pages in pdf format

Discuss on the Discussion Board

About the reviewer: Matthew Taylor just loves telling stories, usually in the thriller and sci-fi genres, most likely involving dark themes, unique characters and almost always ending in tragedy. Some of them are even produced!

*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

Sunday, September 15, 2024

Original Script Sunday for September 16th - post author Don

Over on the Unproduced Scripts page are twenty-one original scripts for your reading pleasure. And scripts from the week before are here and the Writers’ names for OWC are revealed (and Writers’ Choice).

– Don

Sunday, September 1, 2024

Original Script Sunday – Scripts of the One Week Challange - post author Don

The One Week Challenge theme was The Chase. (You can also read the scripts on the Unproduced Scripts page. If you have interest in any of these scripts, please reach out to me or wait until the names are revealed next week).

Porch Pirate by Ezster Has – A cocky porch pirate steals a package and finds himself hunted by its relentless owner, unaware of the consequences awaiting him. (Short, Drama, Crime) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

Streets of Bourbon by Florist Grump – A waiter chases a patron through New Orleans to give him his wallet he left behind at the restaurant. 3 pages (Short, Comedy) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

Why are we Afraid of Bears? by Boo Boo – A hiker encounters a hungry bear in the wilderness. (Short, Action) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

Run by A Perpetual Loser – A routine run takes a dark turn for a carefree young jogger. (Short, Horror) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

Fractured by Alan Smithee – An afflicted woman confronts past trauma by revisiting the old family home. (Short, Drama, Thriller) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

Laws Of The Jungle by Chimp Chimcheree – A family of Gazelles. A pack of Lions. Nature can be cruel. (Short, Drama, Crime) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

Prey For the Hunter by Chasing Ally – A female motorist with a dark past is chased by a killer to a dead end in the road. (Short, Horror) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

The Chase by Kname of Rider – With nothing else left to lose, a dad and daughter bet their last dollar on a horse that will change their lives. (Short, Family) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

chase challenge by Clever Pseudonym – She may be sexy smart but Marita means trouble. A fun Friday night chaos ensues. (Short, Sci Fi) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

Border Patrol by Brother Warren – A pair of border patrol agents get more than they bargained for on a routine patrol. (Short, Drama) pdf format – Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

Saturday, August 31, 2024

The Scripts of the August One Week Challenge are up! - post author Don

The theme: The Chase – Short script 2 to 6 pages. Read the short scripts of the One Week Challenge

Tuesday, July 16, 2024

No life without you, Rosanna Dreamer by Gary Kohatsu – Short Script Review – Available for Production* - post author Don

No Life Without You, Rosanna Dreamer

(short horror) 11 pages by Gary Kohatsu

Mobsters visit a nightclub performer about a debt, unaware that he is a practitioner of the black arts.

Do you enjoy a classic revenge tale with a touch of enchantment and mystery? Or perhaps a whirlwind narrative of an undying love that transcends mortal bounds? If so, you’ll be captivated by Gary Kohatsu’s “No Life Without You, Rosanna Dreamer.” A haunting story of magic, romance and revenge that is anything but ordinary.

Now, imagine yourself in the shoes of our main character, Hector, who was once hailed as a master illusionist, puppeteer, and ventriloquist. Hector is now a solitary and ailing man, grieving the loss of his cherished wife, Rosanna, cruelly snatched away by a despicable mobster. Rosanna wasn’t just his spouse; she was his exquisite soulmate and lifelong companion on the dance floor.

What does Hector do?

He recreates Rosanna in the only way he knows and soon plots his revenge against the men who tore her away from him.

Our story begins in Hector’s dilapidated dressing room, where we first meet him as he carefully prepares Rosanna. She appears to be a child with long raven hair, sitting on the table with her back turned to us —

            ROSANNA
If I sing off-key, the audience goes
apeshit. But if you sing off-key,
this act goes straight down the shitter.

HECTOR, early 40s, plops in a chair behind Rosanna.

            HECTOR
I’m the star. So please,
young lady, watch your mouth.

He’s tall, paunchy. Pallid of face with a scruffy beard.

            ROSANNA
Nobody gives a dummy’s ass
about my mouth. It’s your
mouth they are watching.

Rosanna and Hector banter back and forth, her cheeky personality shining through – so it comes as quite a surprise when Hector spins Rosanna around, revealing that she is, in fact, a ventriloquist doll with a wan smile and eyes closed…

However, those eyes flutter open to the sound of a familiar, ominous whistling tune —

            ROSANNA
Uh-oh.

Strolling out of the shadows is LON, mid-30s, thin build, slick dark hair. He’s dressed like a gangster on holiday.

            LON
Bravo. Encore. How ya doin’,
Hector? It’s me, Lon. Paying
you a friendly visit…

He moseys toward the table. Slips his fists into black leather gloves.

            LON
Thought maybe you wanna
settle your debt today.
Get it outta the way.

            HECTOR
June 20th. Please. As we
agreed.

The visit from the menacing Lon brims with subtle threats, expertly captured by Kohatsu’s sharp and on-point dialogue —

            LON
Sure thing. Me and the fellas
will be back. But I ain’t
comin’ as a friend.

            HECTOR
I perform simple feats of
magic in a night club. For
little pay. Look around. You
see anything here of value?

Lon zeroes in on Rosanna.

            LON
How ‘bout doll face? She part
of your magic act?

Hector pulls Rosanna from her chair. Holds her close.

            LON
How ‘bout I take doll face
off your hands? Show her
what a real man can do.

            HECTOR
Get out.

            ROSANNA
Sir, I’m taken.

Lon flashes a lecherous grin.

            LON
Goddamn amazin’ how you do
that ventriloquist shit.

            HECTOR
I’m not a ventriloquist.

            ROSANNA
He’s not a ventriloquist.

Nevertheless, Lon proceeds to have his way with Rosanna, on the vile notion that she “gives dynamite head” —

He jams a 9mm. Glock and silencer into Rosanna’s mouth.

            LON
Say ahh, little darlin’.

            ROSANNA
Ahhh… nuts.

Lon blasts a hole through the dummy’s head.

The narrative then unveils a brief yet chilling flashback to the night of Rosanna’s tragic demise – a beautiful bride mercilessly gunned down by Lon and his goons during her and Hector’s wedding reception. Though fleeting, the scene’s impact is profound, resonating deeply with the tale’s core emotional essence.

Returning to present day, Lon leaves Hector heartbroken once more, leaving behind the ominous threat of his imminent return to collect what he believes he is owed. Hector, unable to bear any more, resolves that it’s time for payback, and perhaps a touch of magical reincarnation. Hector proceeds to resurrect the spirit of Rosanna, with writer Gary Kohatsu intricately depicting the details of this mystical procedure. It involves Rosanna’s remains, a magician’s hat, and a glass tube containing a sacred scroll.

In a transcendent moment, after orchestrating the darkly magic ritual, Hector settles back and observes his shadow transform into the former “Magnificent Hector,” complete with hat, wand, and cape. As Hector drifts into slumber, we are ushered into a beautifully crafted dream sequence. Here, Hector envisions himself as “The Magnificent Hector,” a mesmerising magician captivating the audience on stage. Tenderly, he conjures Rosanna, his departed love, from a small casket, and she materialises as a life-sized doll –

A sparkle of life in Rosanna’s eyes. Dark hair bounces off her shoulders. She glides with the control of a ballerina.

Pirouettes – then jete, jete, jete, grand jete, and into Hector’s waiting arms.

He catches her as she transforms into:

The BEAUTIFUL WOMAN of his past. Rosanna, his BRIDE,

            HECTOR
Sounds of the rude world
heard in the day, lulled by
the moonlight have all passed away.

The couple dances in flits and flurries under the fiery spotlight. Holding each other like impassioned butterflies. Their eyes never leave each other. Like Astaire and Rogers.

Eventually, Rosanna guides Hector to a chair, where he slumps, and she bids farewell to the audience before unveiling a flame thrower and setting the room ablaze, ending the dream sequence.

The tale reaches its climax as Hector confronts Lon and his accomplices, orchestrating a dramatic showdown that leads to a fiery reckoning. The final image, both mystical and bittersweet, encapsulates the enchanting tone that pervades the narrative. I’ll leave all of that as a surprise, as it simply cannot be fully appreciated without delving into the script itself.

No Life Without You, Rosanna Dreamer seamlessly blends Neo-Noir thrills with a haunting touch of fantasy and romance. Additionally, one of my favourite characters makes an appearance – a ventriloquist dummy. Rosanna injects the story with humour, fascination, a touch of fear, but above all, a genuine sense of endearment.

I cannot tell you how much I would love to see this story play out on screen!

Production Notes: This short presents a brilliant opportunity for an up-and-coming filmmaker to showcase their ability to bring a magical story to life on screen. Talented actors would be needed to portray the roles of Hector, Lon, and Rosanna. With clever use of special effects, the budget could still be kept at a minimum for scenes like the explosion and the enchanting dream sequence. Alternatively, this story could be adapted into a delightful adult animation project.

Locations: Three: A dressing room, a restaurant and a stage.

No Life Without You, Rosanna Dreamer was runner-up in the Simply Scripts August 23 Fever Dream OWC.

About the writer: Gary Kohatsu is an aspiring, LA-based screenwriter with a love of horror, science fiction and thriller movies, and independent productions. He studied photography at Narbonne HS, which led to a career as a news writer and photographer. He taught photojournalism at the college level and has been a freelance writer/photographer for Track and Field News, and various martial arts magazines.

Read: No Life Without You, Rosanna Dreamer (short horror) 11 pages in pdf format

Discuss on the Discussion Board

*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

Find more scripts available for production.

About the reviewer: Colin Sharp is an aspiring screenwriter whose lifelong love of film led him onto the road to writing his own stories. Whilst a fan of all genres of film, Colin primarily enjoys writing comedic tales but is also a sucker for romance and anything that will “scare the bejesus out of him”.

Sunday, December 31, 2023

Original Script Sunday for December 31st 2023 - post author Don

Over on the Unproduced Scripts page are seven original scripts for your reading pleasure.

– Don

Monday, December 11, 2023

The Gambler – Available for production* - post author Paul Knauer

THE GAMBLER
(5-page short drama)
by Gary Howell

A man diagnosed with a terminal illness makes a drastic choice.

What would you do if you discovered you only had a couple of weeks to live? The Gambler by Gary Howell asks its main character just that question as 35-year-old Joe Ferguson receives the news that nobody wants to hear:

       DR. WILLISTON
The cancer you have is almost
undetectable until it’s too late.

Would your answer change if you lived just minutes from the famed Las Vegas Strip—if you could literally see it from your kitchen window? That’s the entirety of the setup that Howell creates for The Gambler. A lonely, obviously risk-averse man faces a terminal illness in a city known for taking big shots.

How do we know that Joe is risk-averse? Howell deftly sets things up with several simple clues: He describes Joe’s Las Vegas home as “threadbare, sparsely decorated.” Big-spender Joe eats a bowl of cereal for dinner, sorting through a steady parade of bills. And, we soon find out, Joe is sitting on a pile of cash. Add it all up: Joe is a saver, reluctant even to spend his money on his own bills.

That’s the heart of The Gambler, as we watch one piece of information—imminent death—transform someone into a completely new person. The Saver instantly becomes The Gambler.

What’s particularly interesting, though, is how Howell sets up Joe’s mindset for the big moment through a simple exchange with a friend.

       JOE
What am I going to do, go to Paris?
I’ll be in hospice before you know it,
and that’ll be fully covered by my
medical insurance.

       BUCK
And if you win?

Joe finally stops, faces Buck.

       JOE
This is Vegas, Buck. Nobody wins
in Vegas except the house.

Joe knows he’s going to lose. So, why does he want to risk all of his money on one round of blackjack? Is it truly only that he has nothing to lose? Maybe. It’s open for interpretation, but I see the moment as Joe saying to death: “You can’t take everything from me if I take it from me first.” Whatever his motivation, he’s plowing straight ahead. 

Soon, he’s sitting at the table.

       DEALER
Cards coming out.

The first card comes to Joe face down, then the dealer deals himself a card down.

The next card to Joe comes face up. An eight. Joe frowns, but not nearly as hard as he does when the dealer’s next card comes up — an ace.

       BUCK
Shit.

Joe flips his under card over. It’s another eight.

       DEALER
Sixteen.

       JOE
Welp. Maybe this wasn’t such a
good idea after all.

He drums his fingers on the table. After what seems like an eternity considering it:

It’s the moment Howell has been setting up from page one: the choice. How far will Joe take this? Well, I’m not going to leave you hanging. Yet.

       JOE
Hit me.

The dealer takes the next card, flips it over and slides it in front of Joe.

Joe sucks in what seems like all the oxygen in the room. It’s a three.

       DEALER
Nineteen.

Joe waves his hand over the cards. Gets up from his chair and as the dealer flips over his hole card, we– 

SMASH CUT TO: 

EXT. BELLAGIO HOTEL – AFTERNOON 

Now I’m going to leave you hanging! But, don’t fret, it could be worse. I’ll let Howell explain: “I had toyed with the idea of a ‘Sopranos’ type ending where you think you know what happened, but aren’t necessarily sure because it would cut to black after Joe steps out of the casino. In giving it more consideration, I thought that in a 5-page script like this one, the reader (and ultimately, the viewer of the film) really wants to have a resolution, and I think the way it ended tied things up, but also allows the reader to imagine what happens with the character afterward.”

Of course, I’m going to make you read the script itself to know what Howell decided. Anything else wouldn’t be as fun. And, in the end, that’s what Howell’s script is: fun. Yes, it’s a drama. Yes, there are heavy themes. But, anybody familiar with Howell’s previous work knows, he writes from the heart, and with a certain, very personal, style. He’s not afraid to write about tragedy or personal heartbreak, but when he does, there’s always another layer. Howell explained. “Being who I am, I’ve always tried to find some sort of positivity and humor in all situations and will try to inject that into my scripts.” The Gambler has that extra layer. It’s well worth the read and definitely worthy of production.

Production Notes: At first glance, the production challenges look daunting for a short: Las Vegas, Bellagio, the fountains…unless you’re looking for an excuse to write off a trip to Vegas, it might seem too much. Howell wants you to look closer, “I think this can actually be filmed using a lot of stock footage of Vegas—it doesn’t have to be big budget. At its heart, this is a character-driven story and can be shot in a minimalistic way.” 

Locations: A doctor’s office, a sparse residence, Las Vegas strip, Bellagio exterior and interior.

**The Gambler by Gary Howell received the Writer’s Choice Award in SimplyScripts’ September ’23 One Week Challenge.

Read the Script and talk about it on the Discussion Board

About the Writer: Gary Howell is a native Texan, yet still doesn’t own a cowboy hat. He practiced law for 17 years before finally scratching a life-long itch and started writing short and feature films. He’s had four of his short films produced, one feature optioned and has worked with producer Matthew George (“LBJ”, “Wind River”). Coverfly featured his TV pilot “Bounty” in a recent live virtual table read.

About the Reviewer: Paul Knauer is a produced screenwriter with two features in early development. His main focus is thrillers and slightly absurdist comedy with heart. But, Paul believes becoming a better writer requires pushing personal boundaries, so you’ll notice a thorough mix of genres in his portfolio. Much of his work has universal appeal, evidenced by successful productions in the UK, UAE, and US–and options in Australia, Russia, India, Canada, and Thailand. A recent feature of his was named a 2022 Nicholl Fellowship Quarterfinalist.

Find more scripts available for production

*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

Tuesday, October 17, 2023

Tears In Heaven by Matthew Taylor – Available for production* - post author Paul Knauer

TEARS IN HEAVEN
6 page short drama in pdf format
by Matthew Taylor

Sometimes anguish is too much to bear.

Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven? Fans of Eric Clapton certainly recognize the iconic, haunting lines from his hit song Tears In Heaven. Lines that also serve as the inspiration for Matthew Taylor’s emotional short, dealing with the same issue that led Clapton to write the original: a father’s lament at the loss of his son. “I want their heartstrings tugged so hard that their eyes leak. But most of all I want the audience to relate to it,” said Taylor. “I don’t think there are many people on the planet who haven’t lost someone close to them and battled with thoughts of an afterlife, so I’m hoping everyone can connect with it in some way.”

Written as part of SimplyScript’s One Week Challenge series, themed around an inspirational song, Tears In Heaven, the short, uses only 6 pages to weave a deeply moving tale of grief. Despite the challenge-limited page count, Taylor takes his time with the setup, establishing an otherworldly tone from the start as a character simply named KEEPER, dressed in white, guards a village hall:

Like a statue, Keeper watches the horizon until something grabs his attention, he leans forward for a better look at…

RICHARD (27) dashing towards him in a black suit and tie.

Richard nears the hall when Keeper glides preternaturally towards him and blocks his path.

                  KEEPER
             How did you get here?

Richard quickly changes course and walks around him, heads for the hall—

–Keeper appears in front of him again. Richard stops.

                  KEEPER
             You shouldn’t be here.

Richard wants inside the hall—NEEDS inside the hall—but Keeper has a job to do. 

                  KEEPER
             Forbidden.

Richard’s agony is evident, and Keeper not without heart.

                  KEEPER
             How did you get here?

Keeper looks down. A steady flow of blood trickles from under Richard’s sleeve, drips from his fingertips.

Keeper closes his eyes, pain etched on his face. He opens them, a tear trickles down his cheek.

He steps aside, gestures for Richard to go ahead.

Inside the hall, we discover the source of Richard’s pain, and how he’s forced to confront the reality: He can’t stay here, no matter his desire. The scenes and visuals that follow are powerful as Taylor expertly spins his story. “I didn’t want to write a script about the story that inspired the song, but wanted to convey the sorrow/torment (also acceptance) that lies in Clapton’s masterful lyrics. On a personal level, and I’m sure it is the same for most parents, but the thought of losing a child is my biggest fear, which is why the song hits so hard whenever I hear it, and I wanted to manifest that fear into the script.”

It’s not an overtly religious script, but Taylor explains that there are religious underpinnings. “I tried to include some biblical elements. Such as Richard’s black clothes in contrast to Keeper’s white (suffering, death, and sin Vs purity and forgiveness)” Taylor adds, “Isaiah 1:18 ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.’ was another contrast I liked, with the dripping blood against the Keeper’s white clothes to symbolize forgiveness.”

You’ll have to read the script to see how masterfully Taylor wraps the story, but a clue can be found in one more biblical reference. “The end was inspired by the verse: Psalm 30:11. ‘You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy.’”

It’s a gut punch of an ending that will leave you smiling through tears.

Production Notes: Tears In Heaven is a challenging, yet, relatively modest short to produce, with a small cast, including several extras and one child actor, aged 4.

Locations: As described, the script opens outside a “Village Hall” situated in the middle of a vast field. The interior Village Hall shots intentionally don’t match the exteriors: a large child’s birthday party (generic enough for shooting simplicity.) The remaining location is a church interior, set up for a child’s funeral.

Read the Script and talk about it on the Discussion Board

About the Writer: Matthew Taylor is an amateur screenwriter trying to bring interesting stories and characters to the world. His focus is mainly on Sci-fi and fantastical stories, usually with some dark undertones. He has sold a few short scripts with a couple of productions and is now looking to move on to features and pilots.

About the Reviewer: Paul Knauer is a produced screenwriter with two features in early development. His main focus is thrillers and slightly absurdist comedy with heart. But, Paul believes becoming a better writer requires pushing personal boundaries, so you’ll notice a thorough mix of genres in his portfolio. Much of his work has universal appeal, evidenced by successful productions in the UK, UAE, and the US–and options in Australia, Russia, India, Canada, and Thailand. A recent feature of his was named a 2022 Nicholl Fellowship Quarterfinalist.

Friday, September 29, 2023

On The Beach by Steven Clark – Available for production* - post author Don

ON THE BEACH
10 page short drama in pdf format
by Steven Clark

If only life was as simple as a day on the beach.

Tear-jerker stories hold a special place in the world of cinema, from current films such as Me Before You and The Fault In Our Stars, to classics such as Love Story and The Way We Were, their appeal is timeless and can be attributed to several factors that touch upon the depths of human emotion and pull at the heartstrings. On the Beach written by Steven Clark is a captivating and thought-provoking script that does just that; skillfully weaving together elements of drama and heartbreak. The story’s simplicity belies its emotional depth and compelling narrative, making it an engaging and memorable piece of work.

The script initially centers around two characters, Doug and Carolyn, who find themselves
preparing for the birth of their first child. The simple description of Carolyn painting the baby’s room opens the story. In the writer’s hands, this simple scene is transformed as we can almost hear the swish of the brush and smell the aroma of the paint as we are drawn into their world:


INT. HOUSE, BEDROOM – DAY
A paintbrush glides along the wall. Light blue is the color.
Then —
An empty crib that looks brand new. A dresser that still has a tag.
Downstroke of the brush in the hand of CAROLYN, 30, mother-to be, sweating, hair in her
eyes. But it can’t hide the glow on her face.

The entry of her husband, with his “find” of the perfect book for their new baby boy and his
dreams of reading it to him, complete the picture of joyous anticipation.

The script excels in its natural and heartfelt dialogue, allowing the characters’ emotions and
personalities to shine through. Doug and Carolyn feel like real people; their struggle to provide for their family while mired in more or less dead end jobs will resonate with the audience on a personal level, while the introduction of Doug’s illness is a seismic turning point. The remainder of the story is a telling of Doug’s gradual goodbye and the purposeful steps he takes to ensure that their son, Jeremy will remember the waning days he spent with his father.

Both Doug and Carolyn, as well as Jeremy, in his arc of age progression through childhood, are
well-crafted characters. The gradual unfolding of Doug’s illness and its effect on the family is woven seamlessly into the story, while his continued bedtime reading to Jeremy featuring an
astronaut shooting into outer space, serves as a segue to his son’s understanding that his father will soon be leaving.

The beach setting serves as a metaphorical stage, beautifully mirroring the ebb and flow of the characters’ emotions and the inevitable passage of time, while the vision of three chairs, “Two adult and one child” is a foretelling of the outcome.

No other cue is needed to summon the tears of the audience.

Despite its brevity, “On the Beach” manages to evoke a strong emotional response. The script
delves into themes of love, loss and the passage of time, offering a rich and resonant insight into how we may be called to face the unthinkable.

The script concludes on a poignant note, leaving the audience with a sense of melancholy closure. The ending feels fitting as it weaves the passing of one life and the beginning of another skillfully played upon the timelessness of the sea:

EXT. CALLOWAY BEACH – DAY
Bright Summer sun. Blankets and umbrellas everywhere.
Carolyn sits by the water’s edge, toes in the sand. The sun
feels good. She turns to see —
Jeremy sitting next to MAGGIE, 18 months, wearing a floppy
hat and a pink one-piece beach outfit.
Maggie picks up a sea shell, looks it over, then throws it.
On the beach are three unoccupied CHAIRS — two child-sized
and one for an adult.
The sound of a wave crashing onto shore.

Final Thoughts:
On the Beach is a remarkable short script that successfully captures the essence of human connection, nostalgia, and the complexities of life and death. With its well-crafted characters, poignant dialogue, and evocative setting, the script takes the viewer on an emotional journey that resonates deeply. It stands as a testament to the power of concise storytelling and will undoubtedly leave a lasting impression on any audience.

Credit to the writer for crafting such a touching and well-executed short script. On the Beach is a shining example of the potential that lies within the short film format and is deserving of recognition and praise. A small number of roles, few locations and budget-friendly scripting also serve to make this a very compelling project for those looking to produce a well-written and meaningful short film.

Read the script and talk about it on the discussion board.

About the Writer: Based in upstate, NY, Steven Clark is the writer of over 30 short scripts, several of which are under option, in pre-production, or have already been made into films. On A Clear Night, a family Christmas feature aimed at a Hallmark Channel-type audience, is currently in the works. Steven can be reached at his website.

About the reviewer, K. Cranford: I am a published author with articles featured in nationally circulated magazines. I specialize in family friendly stories with an uplifting message and currently have five completed screenplays, three of which are Christmas themed, as well as several shorts that I am actively marketing. By education I am a Registered Nurse. My husband, a physician and I make our home in Little Rock, Arkansas.


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November 22, 2024

    Paradise Party by Steven Burton

    A man celebrates life with creativity, family, and a stranger, before he dies peacefully lying on an ocean beach. 13 pages
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