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Weird Shit (4 page short comedy) by Steven Clark
Rousted out of his bedroom in just his socks and underwear, a nerdy teen has a lot of explaining to do to the F.B.I. 4 pages
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Also, compare and contrast with a different prodco’s version of Weird Shit.
NO GOOD DEED
A good Samaritan attempts to diffuse a bad situation, only to light the fuse to another.
Rain-slicked streets and shadowy locales, fedora hats, anti-heroes and femme fatales. Voice-over rich narratives that regale us with tales of lust, blackmail and double-cross. Throw in some existential angst, some mystery, a little seduction. These are just a few of my favourite things when it comes to the golden age of Film Noir.
Budding film makers and fans of Noir, Neo-Noir and its various offshoots of pulp-fiction and graphic novellas sure are in for a treat today with John Staats’ short crime thriller, No Good Deed.
The complete phrase is: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished. Simply put that means beware of the consequences of acts of kindness and altruism, lest you be doomed for your trouble.
If only John Staats’ lead character, James had heeded this advice.
In No Good Deed we open on an ethereal image of two lovers locked in an embrace.
Melissa wears a long red negligee…
slit up the side to the top of her thigh.
… one leg draped over James, and a
hand on his hip.
Both of them … stare into each other’s eyes.
It’s very sweet and tender.
Except… something’s just a bit off with this picture.
As James’ world-weary voice-over informs us:
JAMES (V.O.)
(heavy Brooklyn accent)
It ain’t how it looks.
Let me explain…
And explain, he does:
JAMES (V.O.)
You see, it was late. I just
hauled my sorry ass up five flights
to my floor and, man-oh-man, this
couple down the hall was going at
it. A real doozy, from the sound of it…
James is a chivalrous type. Not one to stand on the side-lines. If there’s trouble brewing he’s going to step up, especially when there’s a damsel in distress.
JAMES (V.O.)
And then nothin’. Silence.
No argument just stops like that
without someone getting’ popped. The
door was cracked, so I had a look-see.
When James looks over the threshold into the apartment where the hullabaloo was going on, whatever he sees causes him to instantly lose not only his lunch, but also his hat over the side of the fifth-floor window. That’s all quickly forgotten however when he sees ‘her’ –
– teetering barefoot on the window ledge… Melissa,
Oh, what a sight for sore eyes.
The breeze causes the negligee to cling
to her body and breasts. A wavy blonde wisp
of hair blows across her delicate face.-
.45 caliber nipples and all.
James is instantly smitten.
JAMES (V.O.)
She looked just like a pin-up I had
in my old G.I. footlocker…
Whew! This dame’s enough to make James take leave of his senses –
And forget a lot of things unfortunately – one fact being that he’s a married man.
Of course now is not the time for reminders of domestic banality so James smartens himself up and engages Melissa in conversation, all the while trying to finagle her to safety inside. For a while things are looking swell. The conversation that ensues between these two is electric, the attraction between them palpable. Even with a dizzying five-storey drop to the New York streets below, everything’s looking just peachy for a soft landing, until –
Something catches Melissa’s eye, something that turns everything pear-shaped.
So, has James’ good deed for the day left him hero or schmuck? Has he just committed a fatal mistake? We’ll let you be the judge of that.
John Staats exemplary writing in No Good Deed is a master class in bringing to life the gritty but very entertaining seedy underbelly of 1940s New York. Loaded with witty banter and repartee and with dialogue dripping with sardonic wit Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett would be proud of, it also offers a plot that’ll keep you on the edge of your seat.
If you enjoyed Double Indemnity, Notorious, The Big Sleep & The Maltese Falcon or your tastes gravitate to the more modern neo-noirs like A Kiss Before Dying, Body Heat, & Sin City, (to name just a few), you’re going to love No Good Deed.
Filmmakers: Okay guys and dolls, let’s dispense with the formalities. Think of this as a fortuitous good deed for the day with no repercussions. Duck soup this is, (easy-peasy, in case you’re not up with the lingo). Better get on the blower to John, and make it quick smart.
BUDGET & CAST:
Two actors – 1 male 30s, 1 female mid-20s.
Director’s prerogative, however, No Good Deed lends itself perfectly to cool, highly stylized B&W cinematography with solo or selective color effects ala Sin City. Green screen, camera and lighting (optional additional animation) along with proficient skills with video editing and SFX (Adobe Premier Pro & After Effects) for example, can enable stunning visuals all achievable on a reasonably low budget. Alternately, combine your quick-study talents with your passion for Noir and open source software programs available online.
Read No Good Deed (6 page Short, Drama, Film Noir)
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ABOUT THE WRITER: As a fly-fishing fanatic and skier living in the Arizona desert, John Staats finds plenty of time for writing. His feature Impasse was a 2019 Filmmatic Season 4 Drama Screenplay Finalist and has been published as an e-book on Amazon. In addition to features and shorts for the screen, John has found a niche writing for the illustrated page (comics! – like The Fibre of Being and Astral Being). John can be contacted at jestaats (a) hotmail.
*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
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About the Reviewer: L.Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.
BUNK (5-page short horror screenplay) Written by Rob Herzog
Siblings return to a room that terrified them as children.
If you revisit the past too much, sometimes you can remain stuck there – that’s what two siblings learn when they return to their dead aunt’s creepy house in Rob Herzog’s eerie, blood-soaked spine-tingler, “Bunk”.
Now in their 20s, brother-sister duo Doug and Hanna have inherited their Aunt Edith’s creepy, old house after she had passed. Doug, the executor of the estate, wants to sell the place. But as he and Hanna revisit the home, Hanna isn’t so sure. Specifically, it’s the old bedroom they used to sleep in when they’d spend weekends with their old Aunt Edith that has Hanna spooked. The room hasn’t changed much – it still has the bunk beds they used to sleep in as kids. And the room is still adorned with creepy old trinkets, including rocks with people’s faces painted on them.
Something was never quite right with Aunt Edith, though Hanna seems to be a little more traumatized from their sleepovers than Doug.
HANNA
You can’t let a family move in here.
You can’t sell this house to innocent
people.
DOUG
Sure you can. What’s the matter with you?
HANNA
Aunt Edith was evil. This house is
too. She used to sneak into the room
at night and stare at us. She would
drool like a hungry dog.
Like brother’s do, Doug tries to give his sister a good scare.
Doug snatches one of the grim-faced stones. He alters his voice to a shrill, witch-like tone.
DOUG
Time for bed, Hanna.
HANNA
Put it down, Doug.
DOUG
(continues creepy voice)
Doug’s not here, Hanna. This is
Aunt Edith from beyond the grave.
Doug then jumps on the top bunk where he used to sleep and lets his arm hang to scare Hanna, just like when they were kids.
As Hanna sits on the bottom bunk:
HANNA
I would stay up all night watching
for Aunt Edith, and you’d clown
around and dangle your arm.
DOUG (O.S.)
Maybe you misinterpreted my actions.
Maybe I just wanted to hold your hand
to make you feel safe.
Just as the siblings hold hands and share a warm moment, that’s when things start to go awry…
Giving away anything else would ruin the gruesome fun, but just a disclaimer: this ending is not for the squeamish.
Gloriously horror to the core, I can see this going viral and/or picking up some accolades on the horror film fest circuit.
BUDGET: Shoe-string. One location, 3 actors.
ABOUT THE WRITER: Rob Herzog is a Chicago-based screenwriter. He has sold several short scripts and won prize money in two small screenwriting contests. His short horror script “Creak and Shriek” was produced in 2019 by Mad Dreamer Entertainment and can be viewed on various platforms. He has a master’s degree in English composition from Northeastern Illinois University. Rob can be reached at: robherzogr (a) hotmail.
Read: BUNK (5-page short horror screenplay)
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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.
BEE-EL (8-page short horror screenplay) by CJ Vecchio
A young girl befriends something that’s inside her closet.
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Check out the script review.
ABOUT THE WRITER: CJ Vecchio braves the cold, windy winters in Chicago, along with his sidekick, a lovable pit bull named Izzy. Recently, due to COVID, CJ’s business (along with many others) was shut down. With a lot of time on his hands, he started to pursue his lifelong passion of writing Horror and Sci-Fi shorts. He plans on entering his latest short “Bee-EL” into The Killer Shorts contest and others. CJ is also working on featured full-length versions of his stories. CJ can be reached at his website is www.CjVecchio.com.
SHUTEYE
A disturbance in the apartment above keeps downstairs neighbors from getting a good night’s sleep. But sleep deprivation is the least of their worries as the disturbance works its way down, one apartment at a time.
This week’s review is brought to you by:
The neighbor from hell…
From Rear Window and Disturbia, to Barton Fink, Pacific Heights, Fright Night, The Strangers and Funny Games… (don’t even get me started on the evil Castevets couple in Rosemary’s Baby) – the film industry and audiences alike love their sinister Neighbors from Hell, and Home invasion stories.
Cautionary takeaway from all of these films: Sometimes it pays to mind your own business, keep your doors locked, and keep to yourself.
Of course, sometimes that’s not as easy as it sounds.
If you’ve ever been an apartment dweller you’ll be more than familiar with having to share common walls, not to mention bear the brunt of the annoying and creepy sounds that can accompany them – creaking floorboards, echoing footfalls, shouts in corridors. It can be enough to drive even the most sane person mad, especially at the witching hour when all you’re trying to do is get a good night’s sleep.
Michael Kospiah’s short horror script, Shuteye, opens on the third floor of just such an apartment building. In the early hours of the morning we meet –
Tom, an irritable grump with resting-asshole face,
He’s glaring up at the ceiling from his bed as…
LOUD THUDDING and YELLING comes from the apartment above…
Fed up with the noise Tom does what any self-respecting person would do when being kept awake at two in the morning –
Up on his tippy-toes, he pounds the side of his fist on the ceiling.
For a moment there’s silence.
He lies back down in bed… snuggles against his pillow
And then…
The LOUD THUDDING continues…
This time however, it’s even louder.
Oh, c’mon! All Tom wants is a bit of Shuteye.
Tom storms out of his apartment and heads upstairs…
Eek! Maybe not the smartest idea …
Especially when we read on to discover, uh-oh, Tom’s left his apartment door wide open.
Cut to a bit later and we discover Tom is not the only inhabitant of this apartment building having problems with things going bump in the night.
On the second floor in Apartment #2, Nancy is having a similar problem with the same violent thudding and yelling coming from above.
Incensed, she rolls out of bed.
Grabbing the nearest thing to her –
… she beats the end of the broomstick against the ceiling…
Oh, dear… Remember when we warned about keeping yourself to yourself?
If you’ve ever read Michael Kospiah’s work you’ll be well acquainted with his talent for tapping into universal fears. A specialist at writing macabre and twisted tales with a sting in the tale and usually with more than a hint of blood, Michael is not only a master at building suspense but he also possesses that unique talent of lulling an audience into a false sense of security – and of using both sound and deathly silence to great effect, with the end result being that you’re always on the edge of your seat.
Another talent he has is of evoking dread with just one well placed visual. Reading Shuteye for the first time instantly took me back to Johnny Depp’s character in Nightmare on Elm Street and that now infamous scene of poor old Glen being sucked into the depths of hell through his own mattress … Not that we’re suggesting you’re going to need buckets of blood with Shuteye, but a pint or two just might come in handy.
To say anymore about Shuteye’s plot would be to spoil the surprises and the shocks.
Suffice to say if you’re a fan of all things Hollywood here’s something to bear in mind: Horror is big-business. If you follow trends you’ll also be aware that often times ‘short horror films’ can lead to a quick leg-up in the business. You only need look at The Babadook, Oculus Chapter 3, ToothFairy, Lights Out, Trick ‘R Treat, Mama, and Saw, to name just some feature length films that all began as humble Shorts.
FILMMAKERS: No need to lose any sleep over this one. Get banging on Michael’s door so you can get this one in the can and entered into Screamfest, Shriekfest, or any of the other myriad horror festivals available.
Second thoughts: a better approach might be a polite email.
ABOUT THE WRITER: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.
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About the Reviewer: L.Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia. L. Chambers can be reached at: libbych (a) hotmail.
BUDGET
Lowish: A few bedroom/apartment locations.
One location/bedroom with a little bit of clever set-design could double for two.
Three adult characters.
A talent for gruesome make-up and blood sfx. would also come in handy.
Read Shuteye (4 page horror)
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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
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A struggling couple seek help for their communication issues, but is it enough?
Communication is key in maintaining a healthy relationship with your significant other – miscommunication is usually the downfall of many marriages. But, as we learn in this wickedly dark and masterful suspense drama, miscommunication can even lead to deadly consequences.
Told with a very unique, yet never confusing structure, writer Matthew Taylor takes us on quite the ride using time jumps to give us a first-person look at how disorienting the miscommunication can be for an unhappily married couple.
In “Misread”, that couple is Jade and her workaholic husband, Leo. Right out of the gate, we see the consequence of their miscommunication, opening with an image of Jade lying in a puddle of blood with Leo standing over her. But how did we get here?
Playing with scene chronology, the author takes us through the moments leading up to the gruesome aftermath. We learn that the struggling couple has been seeing a marriage counselor named Dr. Goodwin, who eventually learns just how volatile this relationship really is by story’s end. Through a series of voice-overs during their numerous sessions, he explains to them the five pillars of a solid marriage: safety, faithfulness, commitment, intimacy and, finally, communication. And we see specific examples of Jade and Leo failing at each of these pillars.
Even though we already know the end result, the journey leading us up to that point still surprises us, with each of the time-jumping sequences coming together brilliantly before FADE OUT. With its wit, off-beat tone and series of misunderstandings, this script really reminded me of excellent films such as the Coen Brothers first film, “Blood Simple” and Sidney Lumet’s final film, “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead”. This really is quite a brilliant achievement to accomplish in six pages and would make a fantastic film that I could easily see winning some awards on the film festival circuit. If you’re a filmmaker, scoop this up before someone else does!
BUDGET: Low. Common and minimal locations, three main actors.
ABOUT THE WRITER: Matthew Taylor is an accountant from Shakespeare’s county. Though fairly new to screenwriting, he is a naturally gifted storyteller hitting his stride as a writer, recently securing an option for one of his scripts. Though he’s always learning and looking to improve his craft, his skill level is far more advanced than most writers with similarly limited experience. Matthew spends his spare time reading scripts and books. His dream is to be able to make a living from screenwriting, specializing in the science fiction and fantasy genres. He can be reached at: scripts.by.mt at gmail.
Read: MISREAD (6-page short drama screenplay)
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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.
ASH HOLE (4-page short comedy screenplay) by DAVID LAMBERTSON
A fitting celebration of one’s life.
I’m sure you’ve all been to a funeral and/or wake at some moment in your life. Usually, people say nice things about the deceased and exchange fond memories. BUT… what happens when there’s nothing nice to say about the deceased? What happens when mostly everyone at the wake despises them? Well, writer David Lambertson’s hilarious dark comedy “Ash Hole” gives us an idea.
We open at a wake being held at a restaurant where we see a large, printed photo of the deceased posted up on a tripod, Bobby Joe (42 at the time of his death). His younger brothers, Jimmy and Ray have the urn with Bobby Joe’s ashes in it. And it’s made very clear that neither brother was very fond of Bobby Joe.
RAY
Look, I know he was our brother.
But he was a total and absolute
dick to everyone. All his life.
(re: the urn)
And now we’re supposed to blow
two grand and three hours scattering
his ashes off some fucking boat?
JIMMY
Ray, spreading his ashes at sea was
his final wish. We have to…
RAY
We ought to just flush him.
Jimmy makes a good counterpoint: ashes are thick and it would clog the toilet. So, Ray decides to dump a little bit into the toilet at a time. After all, it all ends up at sea anyway, right?
Soon, Jimmy gets in on the action, flushing just a little bit of the ashes down the toilet.
JIMMY
This is for being in Vegas during
Mom’s funeral.
(drops ashes into the bowl)
FUCK YOU, BOBBY JOE!
Neither brother wants to make a three-hour trip to the ocean to dump the rest of the remains. So they come up with a proposition to the rest of the “mourners” still at the restaurant.
RAY
(to the mourners)
Okay, for a small offense, you
get to dump a…
(holds up a spoon)
Spoonful. A medium offense…
(holds up a glass)
A glassful. And a big offense…
(holds up a bowl)
A bowlful. Everyone get it?
And the fun doesn’t stop there: there’s even a twist to cap off an already laugh-out-loud romp. This comes highly recommended to any filmmakers looking for a hilarious, budget-friendly comedy to produce.
BUDGET: Low (one location).
ABOUT THE WRITER: David Lambertson: I took up writing rather late in life having already been retired before I put pen to paper (okay – finger to computer key) for the first time. My favorite genres to read and write are dramedies and romantic comedies. In addition to this short, I have written four features; “The Last Statesman” (a 2015 PAGE finalist and a Nicholl’s and BlueCat quarter-finalist), “The Beginning of The End and The End” (a PAGE Semi-Finalist). “Taking Stock” (a drama) and a new comedy – “Screw You Tube”. Want to learn more? Reach Dave at dlambertson (at) hotmail! And visit his website.
Read: ASH HOLE (4-page short comedy screenplay)
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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.
Unrelated (5 page Comedy) by PC
A young man’s dream of getting married is ruined by his father, but saved by his mother. 5 pages
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GLOOMY SUNDAY (30-page short horror screenplay) by Kevin Machate
When a mysterious stranger comes to him to learn a song long believed to lead to suicide, music teacher Jonah Horvath must discover the truth behind both the stranger and the mysterious song before he becomes yet another victim of Gloomy Sunday.
Before I get to the review of the actual story, I’ll tell you what caught my attention before I even opened the script up: Gloomy Sunday was also a song composed by Hungarian musician Reszo Seress in 1933. The song was also dubbed
The story opens with 33-year-old Reszo Seress (the actual, real-life composer) writing the song we’d come to know as Gloomy Sunday in Paris, France circa 1933. His inspiration for the song came from real life after becoming estranged from his lover, Erzsebet. Many great works have been inspired by heartbreak. But THIS work in particular seems to have conjured up something else… something evil.
Cut to present day where we meet music teacher, Jonah Horvath. He juggles graduate school while giving piano lessons for peanuts (practically). One day, he receives a visit from a very mysterious man who looks and acts like he’s from another time period. The Man offers Jonah an unusual amount of money to teach him how to play one song and one song only: “Gloomy Sunday”.
We jump between different time periods where we see different people succumb to the curse of the song after learning how to play it. And, each time these people commit suicide (as if under a trance), we see this mysterious man lurking. Who is this man and what is his purpose? And will Jonah suffer from the same fate once he plays the song?
Gloomy Sunday (the script) is a sprawling, epic gothic horror that packs a lot into its 30 pages. It’s an effectively creepy story that doesn’t rely on cheap jump scares: it sends chills up your spine with its eerie atmosphere and suspenseful buildup, giving us characters we both care about and fear. This would be a fantastic film for any filmmaker to take on. Hopefully, the curse isn’t real. Read if you dare!
BUDGET: Moderate.
ABOUT THE WRITER: Although he began his film career as an actor, Kevin Machate quickly moved into producing and eventually directing and writing. Kevin’s films and screenplays have won numerous awards worldwide with his two most recent films having been screened in various cities in the US, Europe, South America, Oceania, and Asia. He has directed six short films and his credits as a producer have exceeded 50 at the time of this writing. His recent works include three short series starring Golden Globe and Tony Award winner Barry Bostwick and Saturn Award Winner Doug Jones, along with a series of short musical and educational videos (With puppets!) starring Ed Helms.
Read: GLOOMY SUNDAY (30-page short horror screenplay)
Discuss on the Discussion Board
*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Find more scripts available for production.
About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.
