Unsatisfied with her marriage, a down-on-her-luck housewife begins fantasizing about a handsome plumber. But as fantasy blurs with reality more and more, her obsession with him becomes very dangerous.

WEEK FOUR of Simply Scripts’ annual Writer’s Tournament resulted in a three-way tie. One of those top entries was a dark fantasy short written by the supremely-talented Marnie Mitchell called, SNAKE MY DRAIN, its title drenched in sexual innuendo. And for good reason…

The theme for Week Four was, YOUR HERO IS THE VILLAIN – a theme that was sure to conjure up some pretty dark entries. Marnie’s three criteria items were; a PLUNGER, a PLUMBER and a HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE.

Our story’s hero/anti-hero is Lorraine, a down-on-her-luck housewife who’s very unsatisfied with her marriage. We open on her desperately trying to unclog the garbage disposal in her sink. Along with the faucets not working and an overflowed toilet, this was the last thing she needed. And it’s all thanks to her poor excuse of a husband.

After breaking the plunger handle while trying to unclog the garbage disposal, she takes a trip to the local home improvement shop to pick up a replacement. And that’s when she meets Rick – fit, tone and handsome as can be, Lorraine swoons over him. This guy is a dreamboat.

Desperate to get Rick’s attention, Lorraine asks for some assistance, soon learning that he’s a plumber. Jumping on the opportunity to get him alone, she asks him to come over and tend to some of her “plumbing” *wink-wink*. What ensues next while at the store felt like a musical number out of a David Lynch film like Blue Velvet or Wild at Heart – Rick breaks out into song, serenading Lorraine seductively as the lights dim and a spotlight shines on him. Soon, in what felt like the “Just Dropped in To See What Condition My Condition Was In” scene from Big Lebowski (song performed by Kenny Rogers, RIP), a chorus line of back-up singers (Rick doppelgangers) break out into a choreographed dance routine.

Of course, we find out that all of this is taking place inside of Lorraine’s head, though it seems very, very real to her at first… almost DISTURBINGLY real.

When Rick arrives the next day to fix her plumbing, Lorraine continues to have odd sexual fantasies running through her mind. But as the fantasies continue, we notice that they’re beginning to blur into Lorraine’s reality, making her behavior seem a bit odd and off-putting, ultimately leading to Lorraine embarrassing herself in front of the younger stud.

And it’s at that point when the proverbial excrement hits the fan in a pretty shocking reveal that I won’t spoil for you in this review. But I will say that Lorraine’s husband is, indeed, responsible for the clogged garbage disposal in the sink (hint-hint).

Dark and twisted, yet gleefully entertaining, especially the fantasy sequences, SNAKE MY DRAIN is guaranteed to be a hit at film festivals with the right filmmaker at the helm. It reminded me of BLUE VELVET, BUFFALO 66, PSYCHO and BIG LEBOWSKI all rolled into one. Highly recommended to any filmmaker with a panache for the surreal.

BUDGET: Pretty sensible actually – Outside of the fantasy sequence at the hardware store (which would require some pretty simple visual effects), it’s only two simple locations and two actors.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Marnie Mitchell is an award-winning screenwriter and 5-page contest junkie. Due to her addiction, she’s written over 80 shorts, 15 having been produced. Currently she’s working on her 8th feature, an adaptation of a horror short she wrote 10 years ago. Some of her work can be found on her site, BrainFluffs.com. Some of her photography can be seen here: marnzart.wordpress.com. Marnie can be contacted via her website.

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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.

Ten Thousand Souls (6 pages, pdf format) by Marnie Mitchell-Lister

In England’s darkest hour of the 1300’s, a Doctor makes a deal with Death Himself

What would you do if the Grim Reaper came a knockin’? If you’re Bill and Ted, you go on a Bogus Journey… Only a few of you will get that reference, but it’ll kill (pun intended) those of you that do.

What if, instead, you made a deal with the Reaper? IE: the Harbinger of Death? That is the very question asked in the script Ten Thousand Souls, penned by apt scribe Marnie Mitchell-Lister.

We meet Doctor Oliver Blackburn in 1900, visiting a gravely ill patient. Sadly, there doesn’t seem to be much that can be done. So Doctor Blackburn offers to sit with the man until his time comes – and he “goes”.

Sweet, right? Not so fast. Because soon as the man passes, Doctor Blackburn… well, let’s just say, “makes his move”..

Throughout Ten Thousand Souls, Doctor Blackburn narrates our story, keeping us hooked as we jump through centuries (from 1350 to 1970 to 2011). Twists and turns abound until our journey is brought to a satisfying – albeit tragic – end.

A script with multiple advantages, Ten Thousand has the potential to play well to the festival and awards crowd, but to help make a name for a director looking for their start.

Blue Oyster Cult once sang “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”. Ten Thousand Souls reminds us that maybe, just maybe, we should.

Budget: Notable. There are several time jumps (from 1350 to 2011 and a few in between). It also has multiple settings. However, there are only a few characters (Doctor Blackburn and Death most prominently) which lessens the budget a smidge. There are, of course, some effects that will be necessary to bring this tale to life on screen. That said, a clever director with a set, access to some costumes and some loyal actors could likely make this work for less. Anyway, what are you doing reading this? Contact Marnie and get this thing made!

About the Writer Marnie Mitchell-Lister has creative A.D.D. Some of her writing can be read here: BrainFluffs.com. Some of her photography can be seen here: marnzart.wordpress.com.

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About the reviewer: Mitch Smith is an award winning screenwriter who offers notes, script editing and phone consultations. Follow him on twitter @MitchScripts, or email him at Mitch.SmithScripts (a) gmail.

Out of Character (9 pages in pdf format) by R.E. McManus

Screenwriter Jack creates characters that live and breathe… maybe TOO much?

Ever watch Will Ferrell films? Well, there’s one particular flick you should see. It’s called Stranger Than Fiction – a tale about a man named Harold Crick, who discovers one day that he is in fact a character in one of Emma Thompson’s novels. (Yes, Emma Thompson the actress – known in certain circles as Nanny McPhee.) Fortunately, Harold Crick’s a gentle soul; despite the wringer Emma puts him through, he’s pretty harmless all the way.

But what if a character you wrote was far more dangerous and… unhappy with their fate? What would they do to their creator? By final Fade Out, would YOU be safe?

That’s the very question screenwriter Jack faces in R.E. McManus’ twisty short Out of Character: when one of his shadiest characters arrives at his doorstep – armed, angry, and brimming with demands.

When Out of Character opens, Jack’s writing in his claustrophobic unorganized study – surrounded by empty pizza boxes, half-finished cups of coffee and writer’s manuals galore. (A scene all too real for some writers.) Just then, the doorbell rings. Jack answers – and finds himself face-to-face with… a man named Ken. There’s a pistol in Ken’s hand. Strangely familiar features on his face.

Ken forces his way inside.

Tense bantering ensues – until the stranger-than-truth reality is revealed. Ken’s one of Jack’s characters – disgruntled and demanding change! According to Ken, Jack created him a bit too fat. A lot too poor. And with too much attitude to let such things slide. Using his revolver to do the talking, Ken insists that Jack give him a thinner waistline, a better car, and a supermodel girlfriend as well (can you say ‘join the club’?)

But can Jack do such things, and shove all creative integrity aside?

We won’t spoil the ending – promise. But needless to say, the tension rachets up quick. Jack attempts to comply with Ken’s milder demands, but conspires to take down his creation… before the plot gets too wild…

Equally humorous and tense, Out of Character is a great comedic dark script, stuffed with Easter Eggs for directors and writers alike. Grab it before someone writes YOU off. And the next time you compose a scene? Think real careful about Flat Slob #2’s feelings. Maybe it’s not wise to piss him off that much.

Production – Low budget. Two actors, one location (a house), one computer and one gun.

About the writer: R.E. McManus was born in England, of Irish roots. Hence he was always a little confused. He has since travelled the globe, and noted what he saw on his travels. He’s been writing since he could pick up a pen. The fact they were IOUs is neither here nor there.

He fell in love with film when he first saw 2001: A Space Odyssey at the age of six. Although he’s still not sure about the spelling of Odyssey. It’s still looks wrong,

He loves Fincher, Hitchcock and Kubrick. And Faith No More. And Elvis. He even has a dog named after him. This seemed like a good idea until he went to the park.

Want more information? (Just say yes – you know you do!) Then head over to his website at Rendevous.yolasite.com, or email him at redarcy2000 (a) yahoo.co.uk.

Read: Out of Character

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About the reviewer: Mitch Smith is an award winning screenwriter who offers notes, script editing and phone consultations. Reach him at his website, follow him on twitter @MitchScripts, or email him at Mitch.SmithScripts (a) gmail.

An Angel Whispers by Jeremy Storey

“A cynical reporter investigates a small-town supernatural tale, that can only be believed to be seen.”

Ben is a veteran journalist chasing a story in the heartlands of rural USA. Folk in these parts like to talk of a miracle. The kind that hard-nosed reporters like Ben prefer to avoid. Yet as the investigation leads him from one witness to another it becomes clear that something out of the ordinary happened here.

And while no-one can say for sure what they saw, all are certain of one thing: that what they heard that night was to change their lives forever.

As Ben’s search leads him closer to the truth, he’s forced to accept this story isn’t over. This is more than copy; this is a test of faith. And in order to come to terms with events, Ben must confront the guilt of his own shattered past.

Only then can he believe that a tragedy playing out half the world away has the power to bring about redemption.

Jeremy Storey’s An Angel Whispers is a low budget treat for a director looking to make their mark through a dialogue driven story with real heart and soul. Featuring a handful of key players and a solid mystery at its core, this is a beautifully realized short script with universal appeal and the ideal fare for short film festivals.

About the Writer: Jeremy Storey, originally hails from the United Kingdom, but now resides in Seattle, WA. He first discovered the joys of writing at school, penning short stories and collaborating on comic books with his friends. Coming from a writerly family, it was clearly in his DNA to tell stories. However, it wasn’t until he graduated University, that he started to dabble in film and stage.

Since then, he’s written feature length screenplays (The Immaculate Secret, Rewind, Pink Slip Party), as well as award-winning short screenplays (Cat & Mouse, Wishbone, Tower of Strength) and award-winning stage plays (Last Cup of Sorrow, Wolves at the Door). For Jeremy, writing is a form of catharsis. His stories clearly reflect his love of exploring emotions, characters, and worlds that only reside in the deepest recess of the imagination. In turn, he hopes what he writes, readers and viewers will find entertaining, compelling and authentic. He can be reached at: jeremystorey at yahoo.

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About the reviewer: Steve Miles started writing scripts around five years ago after realizing that his social life was vastly overrated. He enjoys writing in a variety of genres but leans toward raw, grittier characters and the worlds they inhabit – from the deadly serious to the darkly comic. Drinks coffee, owns an unhealthy amount of plaid and uses a calculator for the most basic of sums. Check out more of his work at sjmilesscripts.webs.com

Kill Your Demon by Dena McKinnon

A troubled man sets out to kill a Demon.
His only problem: the Demon happens to be a Man of God. Or is he?

            JON (V.O.)
Might as well be written in Holy Scripture
that free men have the right to bear arms.

This is just a sampling of the to-die-for dialogue in the opening moments of Kill Your Demon – the newest thriller by screenwriter/filmmaker Dena McKinnon. The script is an intelligent blend of classic noir and psychological thriller – with a dash of supernatural horror. In other words, this one has everything.

Our protagonist Jon is convinced he’s not only seen an actual, straight-from-Hell Demon, but they’ve also conversed and – on numerous occasions – played a friendly game of Scrabble in the social hall of Jon’s church, no less.

How is this possible? It seems the Demon has taken on the appearance of Bishop Tom, a man of the cloth: black suit, white collar, three Hail Mary’s…. the whole package deal. Devilishly sneaky, to say the least.

But can Jon’s perceptions be trusted? After all, he is taking three prescribed medications. Maybe something’s counteracting – in nasty ways?

As the script begins, Jon has appointed himself the official demon-slayer of The Holy Redeemer Church. Like all good Christians, he sets out for community game night with his Bible in one hand and a handgun in the other.

Ultimately, Jon and Bishop Tom find themselves in a showdown over a Scrabble Board. Jon aims his gun at the demon’s belly under the table and waits for the right moment to strike.

Will Jon slay the beast, or murder an innocent priest in cold blood?

Kill Your Demon successfully mixes elements from several genres together for one helluva-good script. Jon’s voice over dialogue is ripped from the pages of a Mickey Spillane detective novel. The words are so gritty, you can hear the sandpaper in Jon’s voice. The Scrabble board standoff is as tense as any Wild West gunfight: two gunslingers with itchy trigger fingers… with the balance of Heaven and Hell at stake. The twist ending’s so good it’s evil. And missing the opportunity to direct this one? In our minds – that would be a sin.

Budget: Moderate. One or two simple FX. A social hall/ rec center location.

About the Writer: Dena McKinnon has had four shorts produced. One of her shorts, The Box, directed by Sascha Zimmermann, has racked up numerous awards and has screened at Comic-Con. Dena has optioned one feature, Doggone, a buddy script cowritten with Kevin Lenihan. Currently, Dena has one feature in production, The Last Call, with Leo-PR, and is writing on assignment for an undisclosed TV producer. Check out Dena’s IMDB Credits. She can also be reached at girlbytheshore (a) hotmail.

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About the reviewer:  David M Troop has been writing since he could hold a No.2 pencil. In 2011 he began writing short films for MoviePoet.com and Simplyscripts.com. His produced short scripts include INSOMNIAC and THE DINER. Born on the mean streets of Reading, PA, Dave now resides in Schuylkill Haven with his wife Jodi and their two lazy dogs Max and Mattie. He can be reached at dtroop506 (a) gmail.

The Creation of Oz (6 pages in PDF format) by Marnie Mitchell

Sometimes, the most beautiful dreams emerge from the most modest beginnings…

Where do wizards come from?

And not just wizards. Thoughts. Ideas. Stories. Do they all sprout from random events? An odd sparking of the synapses – with no true rhyme or reason? Or it there always an ah-hah origin – no matter how small or unexpected – from which our grandest tales and myths grow?

In the Creation of Oz, talented writer Marnie Mitchellweaves an imaginary tale of the origins of “The Wizard of Oz.” While it may not be rooted in historical fact, The Creation of Oz taps into the colorful fantasy of this beloved film… capturing the spirit and magic at its heart – if not the true reality.

The opening description: a farm located in South Dakota – smack dab in tornado alley. As a twister approaches, young Frank Baum (10) is herded into an underground shelter, along with the rest of his family. Aunt Emogene. Uncle Luke. Crotchedy neighbor Mrs. Krause. And three year old Dorothy.

Shivering in the shadow of the twister, the family wait out the storm. It is here in the dim light of an oil lamp that young Frank – a natural storyteller – passes the time. Distracting his family with an impromptu tall tale… of a little girl, and her tumultuous journey to find her way home from a strange and magical land. It’s a story we’ve all heard before. But even the most time-worn tale has it’s beginning somewhere.

Filled with tons of Easter Eggs for Wizard of Oz fans, The Creation of Oz is a charming script with great characters – not to mention a built-in fan base! If your tastes run towards the whimsical, grab this script while you can. Before it’s gone… over the rainbow.

Budget: Eminently producible. One setting (the shelter), and seven characters.

About the writer: An award winning writer AND photographer, Marnie Mitchell-Lister’s website is BrainFluffs.com. Marnie has had 5 shorts produced (so far) and placed Semi-final with her features in Bluecat.

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About the reviewer: Michael O’Farrell is a mathematician who worked on the Space Shuttle Program and now writes fiction.

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Sex and Death by Sylvia Dahl

An aging rock star gets a visit from her ex-lover: the Grim Reaper.

Ever since Satan tempted Eve to take that first bite of forbidden fruit, human beings have had to face up to their own mortality – and the spectre of The Grim Reaper.

On the plus side, what better lead character than The Grim Reaper? The quintessential villain, arch nemesis, antagonist, (apart from perhaps, the Devil himself) is perfect material for the medium of film.

Look at for example: Metropolis. It depicts one of the most terrifying dream sequences ever committed to celluloid. Futuristic rich kid Freder, in a church full of mourners, turns to confront the skeletal figure of Death. Statues start moving, weird bone-flutes play, and several jarring jump cuts bring the reaper lurching to life, swinging his scythe at the screen.

The other most iconic and subsequent prototype for Death is the chalk-faced Grim Reaper in The Seventh Seal. Symbolic and menacing, Ingmar Bergman’s Middle-ages meditation on religion, philosophy and history is a visual masterpiece brought to life through Bengt Ekerot’s chilling and haunting performance.

Sylvie Dahl’s Sex And Death introduces us to Janice, a down and out rockstar and former front woman for a punk band. She is lying face down on the sofa in her apartment  “surrounded by a half empty bottle of whiskey … and empty vials of prescription drugs on the floor.”  In her semi conscious state, she reaches for the whiskey bottle when –

Suddenly, in the corner of the room, Janice spots The Grim Reaper – not entirely surprised apparently… Likewise, ‘Reaper’, who laconically removes his robe and places his scythe on a chair, appears as if he’s just come in from buying the groceries.

In Sex And Death, The Grim Reaper presents as the archetypal rock-god –  “an Angel Of Death, and, a naked man of supernatural beauty. “ He is beautiful, dangerous, seductive, but also armed with the gift of the gab and a very droll sense of humor.

He compliments Janice:

            REAPER
Your last record rocks.

Even approves of her trendy, artistic living space:

             REAPER
…Nice place.

All seems to be going swimmingly well, very polite, very civil. That is, until we learn these two have a bit of a history.  During their first meeting Janice was able to cheat death, but this time around the circumstances are different and she might just have pushed things to the point of no return.

Can Janice outwit death and turn the tables a second time, or is her number finally up?

With its gothic tone, no holds barred approach to adult content, examination of the Freudian themes of love, sex, and death, and a denouement you won’t see coming, well…

All we have to say is: Filmmakers, stop dilly-dallying around. The sands of the hourglass run out for all of us, and Sex And Death demands to be immortalized.

Budget: Very low. A decent Grim Reaper costume, and great actors can complete this show.

About the writer: I’m a one time advertising copywriter who has fallen in love with screenwriting. I’ve written a handful of features, one has been produced as a Role Playing Game (RPG) and made its debut at CarnageCon. I enjoy writing short scripts since it’s a fun exercise for sharpening my skills; so far one of my shorts has been produced as a student film project, and I welcome the opportunity to have more of my work produced via participation on SimplyScripts. Sylvia can be reached at sylviedahl (a) AOL.

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About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

A Jolly Encounter by Jason K. Allen

Two young hikers encounter a mysterious backpacker with a candy cane phone and a penchant for milk and cookies.

            NICK
How long have you had those boots,
Ted? Looks like they’ve seen
better days.

            TED
Well, it’s been about… Wait, how
do you know my name?

For many people, hiking is a paradoxical hobby – a chance to rest, yet keep fit at the same time. Undisturbed trails provide a calm backdrop for exercise… combined with walks of the meditative kind.

As Jason K. Allen’s A Jolly Encounter opens, two young ramblers – Ted and Melanie – are doing just that.

But their quiet hike through the great outdoors is soon interrupted: by an enigmatic man who calls himself “Nick”.

Nick? He looks odd at first glance. Yes, he owns a candy cane phone. And he’s got a sweet tooth for gingerbread men – even though he’s trying to lose weight.

And Nick’s other traits are strange as well. Somehow, he knows both Ted and Melanie’s names, though they’ve never met him before. As the strangers settle down and chat, the duo form an educated guess as to who “Nick” is. Not surprisingly, they’re ardent fans!

From there, a more serious discussion develops: one that stands the cinematic test of time. What moral virtues should Ted and Melanie cultivate in themselves? What’s Nick’s work in relation to human nature? Or to Nature itself? And that’s the aim of all great films – candy coating universal themes in entertainment, helping the “medicine” go down. There’s even an unexpected twist at the end… one that will fill your audience with delight.

Like Pixar did with its classics, Jolly can be seen from many sides. A gentle story to amuse kids, with an adult message at its nougat core.

Are you a comic director who likes satire? Chuckles with morals on the side? Then choose Jolly for a read. It’s got mass appeal, sharp dialogue… and if you end up being the good little boy or girl who brings it to the screen, you may find some gifts (like festival awards) under your Christmas tree!

Budget: Pretty low. All you need is the great outdoors, some even greater actors. Oh – and a nice red suit.

About the writer: Jason K. Allen is a writer and filmmaker from Nashville, Tennessee. His screenwriting credits include the short films AMERICAN SOCK, which won Best Screenplay at the 2014 San Diego Film Awards, and AUTUMN LOVERS, winner of the Audience Award at the 2013 Artlightenment Festival in Nashville. He also wrote the feature film LUCKY FRITZ starring Julia Dietze (IRON SKY) and Corey Feldman. You can contact Jason at allen.jason.k (at) gmail. See IMDB for his complete credits.

About the reviewer: Hamish Porter is a writer who, if he was granted one wish, would ask for the skill of being able to write dialogue like Tarantino. Or maybe the ability to teleport. Nah, that’s nothing compared to the former. A lover of philosophy, he’s working on several shorts and a sporting comedy that can only be described as “quintessentially British”. If you want to contact him, he can be emailed: hamishdonaldp “AT” gmail.com. If you’d like to contact him and be subjected to incoherent ramblings, follow him on @HamishP95.

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Welcome to the Machine (6 pages in pdf format) by Dustin Bowcott

A Job Seeker looking to work for The Machine isn’t happy when she doesn’t get the job she wants.

“Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” – John Dalberg-Acton

Such is the theme of the great metaphorical script Welcome to the Machine, by talented writer Dustin Bowcott.

This grisly tale starts out with something we’ve all been through: a simple job interview.

A young woman named Angela waits nervously while Teufel, her potential boss, looks over her application. Lucky for her, she gets the job. Once Angela begins her job training, however, things take a… bizarre turn.

You see, in this world, a huge monster exists who must be fed to be appeased. And this monster is hungry… for human flesh. So Angela and Teufel head down to the cave and watch as hordes of people are herded into the creature’s mouth.

Images of Nazi Germany come to mind as Angela sees someone from her past, about to be fed to the monster’s cavernous maw. Will she be a hero and rescue the man from certain death? Or turn her back on humanity and embrace the beast?

The surprise comes when Angela finds out what job she’s really being offered. Spoiler alert: it’s not quite what she (or the reader) thinks.

Just know that the end highlights that age-old question: how far would YOU go to get ahead?

Budget: High, but still possible, and worth the bang for the buck. Lots of actors (though only three speaking parts) and some CGI or other effects for the monster. But a savvy director could probably make this for less, though there will still be some cost attached.

About the Writer: Dustin Bowcott is a self employed microbe retailer and father of four boys and a girl. He has enjoyed writing since the day he read his first novel. For Dustin, writing is something he has to do, when not writing, he’s thinking about writing and will absorb himself into multiple projects at one time. When he gets tired of writing one thing he moves onto another and has been known to work on three different stories in one day, writing for sometimes 12 hours straight and, on occasion, even longer. Dustin can turn his hand to any genre and has just finished first draft of a new children’s novel. Dustin is a BBC Writer’s Room finalist and a Shore Scripts finalist both in 2014. He is a produced and optioned writer, and has recently turned his hand to production, having produced his first short film with another in the pipeline that should be completed this year. Want to see what else he has in store? Give him a shout-out at dustin7375 “AT” gmail.

About the Reviewer: Mitch Smith is an award winning screenwriter whose website (http://mitchsmithscripts.wix.com/scripts offers notes, script editing and phone consultations. You can also reach him at Mitch.SmithScripts@gmail.com and follow Mitch at https://twitter.com/MitchScripts.

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