Noob by James Barron

An alien-made artificial intelligence faces its greatest challenge: teaching a cantankerous, technology-averse 80-year old human how to work an iPhone.

Old people vs technology: it’s a perennial battle of the ages. And as technology gets more and more advanced, it ain’t gonna get easier any time soon!

Which doesn’t mean one can’t have multiple laughs at its expense…

That’s exactly what James Barron’s satirical Noob aims to do. Lead character Henry’s a grizzled war vet – the kind of guy who thinks physical prowess proves a man’s worth. So when his daughter buys him an iPhone, he struggles to understand the basics – and we mean really “basic”… like turning it on.

Frustrated by failure, the old man’s grief is multiplied when his wife suggests getting help from experts. But Henry’s determined to lone wolf this operation. At first, that doesn’t seem like such a bad idea – Henry calls the correct number for his queries. But then he accidentally changes the language to Spanish. Qué desastre!

Already confused, Henry’s utterly baffled when the weather suddenly changes and a large metallic craft appears. He’s being abducted! So it seems.

As it turns out, his abductor is a computer sent by a technologically advanced species to observe human behaviour for academic reasons – and poses no danger to Henry’s health.

But Henry poses a great threat to the computer…

…because he thinks it’s the Apple support system! And while he didn’t know how to work an iPhone, he certainly doesn’t understand the requests the AI makes – leading to a massive series of escalating communication breakdowns.

Threatening the poor bot’s circuit-sanity.

Hilariously ironic with a brilliant payoff, Noob is a clever commentary of the universal love-hate relationship we have with technology. It’s guaranteed to have everyone laughing – with or without the Genius Bar!

Budget: Okay, there’s a bit of FX called for here. But nothing a touch of post or CGI can’t handle.

About the writer: James Barron is a former law student turned screenwriter who loves to write comedy along with the occasional horror/thriller.

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About the reviewer: Hamish Porter is a writer who, if he was granted one wish, would ask for the skill of being able to write dialogue like Tarantino. Or maybe the ability to teleport. Nah, that’s nothing compared to the former. A lover of philosophy, he’s working on several shorts and a sporting comedy that can only be described as “quintessentially British”. If you want to contact him, he can be emailed: hamishdonaldp (a) gmail. If you’d like to contact him and be subjected to incoherent ramblings, follow him on Twitter @HamishP95.

Daysleeper by John Cowdell

A determined salesman attempts to sell life insurance to a vampire.

The history of Dracula and vampires on film almost dates back to the invention of the movie camera itself. The classic silent film “Nosferatu” and Bela Lugosi’s 1931 original “Dracula” began Hollywood’s love affair with a legion of blood sucking cinematic tales.

Then, somewhere along the way, some studio head thought, why can’t Dracula be funny? So, in 1948 Universal Pictures dug up Bela Lugosi to reprise his iconic Dracula in the comedy “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.”

Since then, there have been slews of vampire comedies: including “Dracula Dead and Loving It,” “Love at First Bite,” and of course, the hilarious “Twilight” trilogy.

Which brings us to the newest vampire comedy, Daysleeper written by John Cowdell.

Peter is an insurance salesman determined to sell Vincent, obviously a vampire, the deluxe life after death policy.

Boy, did you pick the wrong house, Pete!

Vincent tries, to no avail, to convince Peter he simply has no need for life insurance. He’ll be literally dealing with those premiums forever, with no final payday.

But, being the stubborn, don’t-take-no-for-an-answer salesman he is, Peter talks himself into Vincent’s lair.

Not to mention, just in time for lunch.

Daysleeper is a light and fluffy take on the vampire genre. Directors of both horror and comedy can surely sink their fangs into this one.

Budget: Low. One minor FX shot with a floating toothbrush. And you may have to dig up a coffin from somewhere. You might even consider doing this one as an animated short!

About the Writer, John Cowdell: I have been writing short scripts for over ten years. Most recently I have been reviewing films and TV as well as creating video content for Squabblebox.co.uk, and can be reached at iommi80 (a) yahoo.co.uk

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About the reviewer:  David M Troop has been writing since he could hold a No.2 pencil. In 2011 he began writing short films for MoviePoet.com and Simplyscripts.com. His produced short scripts include INSOMNIAC and THE DINER. Born on the mean streets of Reading, PA, Dave now resides in Schuylkill Haven with his wife Jodi and their two lazy dogs Max and Mattie. He can be reached at dtroop506 (a) gmail.

Love Glow (5 pages in pdf format) Marnie Mitchell Lister

Weird things can happen when love is involved.

Love is a powerful motivator – whether it pertains to friends, family or significant others. What people will not do for loved ones is a short list; and it has the possibility of becoming even shorter, when that bond is tested ‘til it breaks.

In Marnie Mitchell Lister’s short script Love Glow, Rick Turner is your typical easy going twenty-something guy who is focused on one typical thing: his dream girl. As far as he’s concerned, Laura’s the best of the best – and deserves nothing but the best in return. Expensive mansions, luxury cars, unlimited shopping sprees – the sky’s the limit, he thinks.

There’s just one problem…Rick is broke. Painfully so. There isn’t even a glimmer of available funds in his bank account, and Rick can feel his dream life fizzling out before it becomes reality.

So Rick does what any “sane” person would do: he checks himself into an experimental medical trial for a few weeks, one that promises to fund his new life. Success! Or so it seems.

Weeks later, Ricks completes the trial, collects his check, and enlists the help of best friend Matt to give him a ride back home. But there’s one thing he’s neglected – side effects.

Despite giving Matt a “glowing” review of his experience, Rick quickly finds his body going wrong. Coughing fits. Luminescent sweating spells. And that’s when Rick’s ears start to melt.

Will Rick turn into a radioactive pile of goo? Will his dream girl find his ever worsening body desirable? And will Matt ever be able to clean his car?

Love Glow isn’t your typical love story. Instead, it’s a hybrid of the best kind – balancing light humor with the universal theme of love, and a bit of over-the-top sci-fi flare. If you like your SF mixed with comedy, snag this one before it melts away!

Budget: Mid-range. Yes, there’s a bit of FX involved. But it’s worth it for the festival raves (and laughs)!

About the writer: Marnie Mitchell Lister is an award winning writer AND photographer, her website is available at BrainFluffs.com. Marnie’s had multiple shorts produced and placed Semi-final with her features in BlueCat.

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About the reviewer: Karis Watie is a writer from Texas who got accidentally transplanted in New England. She is coping by eating dangerous amounts of doughnuts and closely studying television shows that she hopes to one day emulate as a screenwriter. She is pursuing a second bachelor’s degree while not on the couch, to help her dream along. If you want to talk television or drop Karis a spoiler or two, she’s at watiekaris at yahoo & @kn_watie on Twitter.

World’s Toughest Librarian by Jason K. Allen

Public enemy number one just got a new job… at the public library.

One of the best parts about growing up is playing pretend. Perhaps you dressed up for a tea party or fashion show. Maybe you and your friends went out riding as cowboys and Indians.

Eight-year-old Angelo is playing dress up too: as a gangster. More specifically, he is playing a former mafia boss trying to go straight. But, getting out of the mob lifestyle isn’t as easy as he had hoped. To help transition back into “civilian life”, Angelo gets a job at the local library.

What follows is a veritable laugh-a-palooza, as Angelo’s mob attitude clashes with library patrons. He’s got no patience for your yappin’, and certainly isn’t going to cut you slack for overdue books.

In true noir fashion, just as Angelo is getting the hang of things, his world is rocked by a classic femme fatale.

Will the two find love…or at least a play date? Can Angelo handle his new job at the library, or more importantly, can the library handle him?

Some of the best comedic scripts pay homage to a more serious subject. Playfully riffing on staples of the gangster and film noir genres, World’s Toughest is what festival audience awards were made for. Picture Bugsy Malone with a dash of Analyze This (or That), with the cute factor cranked up to eleven – years, that is.

So – leave the gun, but grab the canolis. With the right director, this is one script that’ll make audiences an offer they can’t refuse.

If you are looking for a light-hearted crowd-pleaser, then say hello to my little friend, the World’s Toughest Librarian!

Budget: Low. Though, you may need to charm your local librarian for a film permit.

About the writer: Jason K. Allen is a writer and filmmaker from Nashville, Tennessee. His produced short scripts include AMERICAN SOCK, which won Best Screenplay at the 2014 San Diego Film Awards, and AUTUMN LOVERS, winner of the Audience Award at the 2013 Artlightenment Festival in Nashville. He also wrote the feature film LUCKY FRITZ starring Julia Dietze (IRON SKY) and Corey Feldman. In June 2015, Jason’s feature script “Brother Nature” advanced to the semifinals of the ScreenCraft Comedy competition. See IMDB for his complete credits

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About the Reviewer: Dane Whipple once saw a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic’s. His hair was perfect. Dane is currently working on that screenplay everybody keeps talking about: The Wild Age. Contact him at dane.whipple (a) live.com

High Demand by David M Troop

An awkward girl scout employs the services of her older stoner brother to beat her arch nemesis in a cookie-selling contest.

We’ve all seen them. And we’ve all pretended not to be at home when they’ve come a-knockin’ at our door.

No, we’re not talking Seventh Day Adventists. It’s a breed more tenacious: Girl Scouts!

The ultimate sales persons – branded by green sashes and pigtails – these little “cookie” girls sell their wares constantly. At least, if they want their badges and rewards. Given the high pressure stakes involved, it’s a miracle more haven’t pursued questionable means. Not to mention black markets!

Maybe after reading High Demand they will – the tale of one Girl Scout that discovers a whole new clientele through her stoner brother with all the right connections.

The script opens up in a sweet and innocent setting: five girl guides sit through a pep talk, in preparation for their annual cookie drive. Among them is our young heroine Margaret, a 12-year old girl with a rather dismal sales record. But this year is different. This year, there’s a brand new bicycle waiting for the girl who can sell the most. With that one incentive, Margaret is sold. This is the year she proves herself!

Opposed by her wicked den-mother, her condescending den-sisters, and the general apathy of the human population, Margaret quickly learns that her Herculean task will not be easily overcome.

Enter Bud, her older stoner brother with an insatiable appetite for sweets. Thus begins a brilliant scheme to exploit the cravings of certain “patients”. Impassioned anew, Margaret strives to best arch-nemesis Sharlee and the rest of the mean girl clan, proving once again that the underdog should never be underestimated.

Make no mistake: this is no half-baked story.

Full of charm and wit, the relationship between Bud and Margaret is memorable not only for their quick and humorous banter. The kinship at its core becomes especially clear as the story nears its resolution. What Margaret wants is not just a bike. But the ability to believe in herself.

Why should you consider this script? Well, it’s more than just scoring Thin Mints as props.

Not only does High Demand pursue an original twist on the well-known reality of the Girl Guide, but it ‘s infused with positive reinforcements for a female audience with strong never-say-die heroines. Margaret is an easily lovable character with relatable issues, and has the potential to champion a few more short tales.

What more could you ask for? Well, aside from “glaucoma treatment” and Girl Scout cookies?

Budget: Moderate. A few locations and a handful of extras to support a small cast. They key is finding great young actresses and making sure the chemistry between Bud and Margaret really comes alive!

About the Writer: David M Troop resumed writing in 2011 after a twenty-five year hiatus.  Since then, he has written about 50 short scripts, two of which have been produced. Born on the mean streets of Reading, PA, Dave now resides in Schuylkill Haven with his wife Jodi and their two lazy dogs Max and Mattie. He can be reached at dtroop506 “AT” gmail!

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About the Reviewer: Faith Rivens is an aspiring author and filmmaker. New to the business, storytelling is a passion born innately within her. It doesn’t matter the genre, or the medium. What matters is the story woven within. Her first two books in the Iníonaofa Chronicles, Eléonore and Heralding are available on Amazon. Want to drop Faith a line? Reach out to her at AliasFaithRivens.wordpress.com. Or, follow her on Twitter or Instagram.

The Changer by David Troop

Two bickering police detectives must find a way to capture the world’s most elusive criminal.

Some stories are tons of fun. Isn’t that what we go to movies for?

Angst, terror and philosophical symbolism isn’t needed for every film we see. Sometimes simple is the best. “Entertainment for the sake of entertainment” is a spectacular experience when done right. Especially when the jokes are primed to fly.

In his latest short The Changer, master storyteller David Troop makes a fun story live and breathe; resulting in chuckles galore!

Yet, for cops Kennedy and Harris, the events of The Changer are pure business. As often happens with film law enforcement types, these partners are different as two guys could be:

Kennedy’s a Caucasian veteran cop in his 40s – lacking any form of fashion sense. Of course, film-logic requires him paired with African-American Officer Harris. Ten years Kennedy’s junior, Harris is a “poster boy for Reebok.” Together, the two are on the job, seeking a mysterious master-of-disguise known simply as, “The Changer.

Tense and bickering from Page One, the couple track “the dude” to urban apartment 4D. With police badges on display, they bust down the door – only to find screaming hooker Petunia inside. Encouraged by the officer’s raised guns, Petunia points to the bathroom. Harris searches the area quickly, yet finds only – a cat inside.

Harris shrugs, turns his back. Allowing the Bizarre “Changer” to make his escape. Out the open bathroom window – down a rusty fire escape. Pretty soon, the chase is on (ala the Grand Budapest Hotel!).

In hot pursuit of a “tall figure in a trench coat”, the partners race through alleys, down gritty streets. Eventually, Harris corners the perp. (Kennedy joins the chase somewhat late… having stopped to “question” the hooker privately!). But soon, Kennedy and Harris have their man…

Still – given The Changer’s “special set of skills”, the question is… Do they have him cornered?

Really?

Tongue planted firmly in cheek, The Changer is a fun – and very funny – ride.

Think movies like Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Police Academy, Naked Gun or Groundhog Day. If you’re a director who loves goofy comedy, then TC is your blockbuster. Set your humor on stun. And pull the cinematic wool over your audience’s tears-of-laughter-filled eyes!

Budget: Relatively low. Three talented male character actors (with good comedic timing) are required for the main roles. Plus a handful of extras. Settings include: Apartment interior rooms, stairway, streets, and an alley – all of which are easy to stage.

About the Writer: David M Troop has been writing since he could hold a No.2 pencil. In 2011 he began writing short films for MoviePoet.com and Simplyscripts.com. His produced short scripts include INSOMNIAC and THE DINER. Born on the mean streets of Reading, PA, Dave now resides in Schuylkill Haven with his wife Jodi and their two lazy dogs Max and Mattie. He can be reached at dtroop506 (a) gmail.

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About the Reviewer: California über reader/reviewer KP Mackie is working on a historical feature.

The Seashell by Jason K. Allen

Don’t believe everything you hear. Even inside a seashell…

Picture yourself on a casual weekend stroll. The sun shines over the horizon; it beckons to you, toasty warm… promising the perfect day. Could it be better? Of course it could.

Mr. Director, set that scene. Add sand crunching under your toes. A crashing surf which rolls smoothly by. Yep, that’s right – you’re at the beach! Insert some seashells to collect, and the ambiance is… ideal.

Especially when you pick one up and put it to your ear. You hear the echo of the ocean, just inside. Or something else. An unexpected sound.

Such is the premise of The Seashell – a comedic short by writer Jason K. Allen.

For when twelve-year-old Lauren finds herself on the beach, she picks up her own seashell. And can’t believe what she hears.

It’s not the ocean. It’s a voice. Quite a strange, weird one indeed. The owner of that voice: a tongue-tied chap named Ricky. He’s filling in for Mother Nature, who’s been detained. Ricky claims he’s trying to help… in fact, he says, he’s her son!

Needless to say, an awkward conversation ensues. Reality gets even stranger when Lauren realizes Ricky’s telling the truth. What the heck can one say to the spawn of Mother Nature? Even one as inept as Ricky? So Lauren grills Ricky for details. After all, it’s worth learning how the world works. Mother Nature may be a bitch… but Ricky’s goofy… and quite sweet!

Are you a comedy director in search of something unique? Then give quirky Seashell a good listen. It’s a low budget cast of two, with one setting. We’re sure you’ll like what you hear…

About the writer: Jason K. Allen is a writer and filmmaker from Nashville, Tennessee. His produced short scripts include AMERICAN SOCK, which won Best Screenplay at the 2014 San Diego Film Awards, and AUTUMN LOVERS, winner of the Audience Award at the 2013 Artlightenment Festival in Nashville. He also wrote the feature film LUCKY FRITZ starring Julia Dietze (IRON SKY) and Corey Feldman. Jason is also a wilderness guide, nature photographer, and published author. Check out his IMDB credits.

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About the Reviewer: Based in upstate, NY, Steven Clark is the writer of over 30 short scripts, several of which are under option, in pre-production, or have already been made into films. On A Clear Night, a family Christmas feature aimed at a Hallmark Channel-type audience, is currently in the works. Steven can be reached at Steamroller138 (a) gmail.

Imagination, Smagination by Nolan Bryand

Little boys have crazy imaginations… Or do they?

The topic for today is Monsters. Mwa-ha-ha -haaaa!

In his inaugural address, F.D. Roosevelt famously paraphrased Francis Bacon’s line by saying: The only thing we have to fear… is fear itself.

I don’t know about you but I’ve always found cold comfort in that line… Fear itself is pretty darned scary.

Monsters, ghouls, devils, demons, the boogeyman – all strike fear into the most hardened of hearts and can turn even the most cast-iron of stomachs to jelly. From Ghoulies to Gremlins, to Chucky (Child’s Play) and The Babadoo – monsters not only have a long and illustrious history on film but they continue to fascinate, disgust, horrify, and if the writer is especially talented (like this one is) even make their audiences laugh.

Now cast your mind back to your five-year-old self lying in bed in the dark – your nightlight casting ominous shadows onto the walls, your super-hero bed-covers pulled up tightly around your chin, wide eyes darting back and forth into the foreboding darkness.

What was that?!

Did you hear that barely perceptible creak across the floorboard? Did you see that lightning-fast flash of movement just out of the corner of your eye? What about that inky black cavern that is your wardrobe with its door slightly ajar, or that cavernous space under your bed where all manner of dastardly things could be lying in wait, ready to pounce when you least expect it.

Ooh, it’s enough to give you the heebie-jeebies, make you crawl into the fetal position, yank those bed covers over your head while you mutter over and over and over again: not real, not real, not real, in a desperate attempt to prove to yourself that what you just heard, what you just saw, was all just the result of a bad dream or an overactive imagination.

But what if it wasn’t your imagination…?

As we open on Nolan Bryand’s, Imagination, Smagination, this is the very real dilemma facing five-year-old, Owen. He’s just run the five-metre dash down the hallway and into his parent’s bedroom. What he knows is: this is not his imagination in overdrive. There’s a monster in his closet, and he needs his dad to get rid of it! Actually, he’d prefer to sleep in his Mom and Dad’s room, where there is no monster, but they’re not having it. Big sigh. Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.

The Monster in The Closet and The Monster Under The Bed are familiar tropes in horror fiction and filmmaking, but Nolan Bryand’s rendition is about to surprise, not only with its freshness and originality, but also with its perfectly timed comic-horror twists. That’s right, not one, but two. Just when you think the story’s done and dusted, Nolan expertly hits his audience with yet another comical twist in the final seconds of a denouement that will have you jumping in surprise and laughing out loud at the same time.

Suspense, comedy, acerbic wit, mixed with clever barbs aimed squarely at jaded grown-ups with their all too familiar rationalizing that ‘monsters don’t exist’, Imagination, Smagination is a finely orchestrated monster-lite tale that is sure to be a crowd pleaser for kids and adults alike.

Filmmakers: Now’s the time to banish your fears, scare up your own special brand of cinematic ‘smagination’ and take your best shot in the dark. Best not sleep on it though, cause this one’s gonna’ get snapped up fast.

Budget: Low. One location. Two adults, a plucky talented five year old, and a couple of ‘monsters’. A talent for gruesome make-up fx will also come in handy.

About the Writer Nolan Bryand: While completing a minor in film studies back in 2005, I took a keen interest in the screenwriting aspect. Acting and directing wasn’t for me. In 2015 I came back to writing as a way to spend some free time, and remembered how much I enjoyed it. Since revisiting my passion, I’ve optioned two short scripts, which were both read and picked up after being read on the SimplyScripts discussion board. It’s the actors and directors that really make a script come to life, but it’s the screenwriter that gets them there in the first place! And that’s what I love about screenwriting.

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About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

A Jolly Encounter by Jason K. Allen

Two young hikers encounter a mysterious backpacker with a candy cane phone and a penchant for milk and cookies.

            NICK
How long have you had those boots,
Ted? Looks like they’ve seen
better days.

            TED
Well, it’s been about… Wait, how
do you know my name?

For many people, hiking is a paradoxical hobby – a chance to rest, yet keep fit at the same time. Undisturbed trails provide a calm backdrop for exercise… combined with walks of the meditative kind.

As Jason K. Allen’s A Jolly Encounter opens, two young ramblers – Ted and Melanie – are doing just that.

But their quiet hike through the great outdoors is soon interrupted: by an enigmatic man who calls himself “Nick”.

Nick? He looks odd at first glance. Yes, he owns a candy cane phone. And he’s got a sweet tooth for gingerbread men – even though he’s trying to lose weight.

And Nick’s other traits are strange as well. Somehow, he knows both Ted and Melanie’s names, though they’ve never met him before. As the strangers settle down and chat, the duo form an educated guess as to who “Nick” is. Not surprisingly, they’re ardent fans!

From there, a more serious discussion develops: one that stands the cinematic test of time. What moral virtues should Ted and Melanie cultivate in themselves? What’s Nick’s work in relation to human nature? Or to Nature itself? And that’s the aim of all great films – candy coating universal themes in entertainment, helping the “medicine” go down. There’s even an unexpected twist at the end… one that will fill your audience with delight.

Like Pixar did with its classics, Jolly can be seen from many sides. A gentle story to amuse kids, with an adult message at its nougat core.

Are you a comic director who likes satire? Chuckles with morals on the side? Then choose Jolly for a read. It’s got mass appeal, sharp dialogue… and if you end up being the good little boy or girl who brings it to the screen, you may find some gifts (like festival awards) under your Christmas tree!

Budget: Pretty low. All you need is the great outdoors, some even greater actors. Oh – and a nice red suit.

About the writer: Jason K. Allen is a writer and filmmaker from Nashville, Tennessee. His screenwriting credits include the short films AMERICAN SOCK, which won Best Screenplay at the 2014 San Diego Film Awards, and AUTUMN LOVERS, winner of the Audience Award at the 2013 Artlightenment Festival in Nashville. He also wrote the feature film LUCKY FRITZ starring Julia Dietze (IRON SKY) and Corey Feldman. You can contact Jason at allen.jason.k (at) gmail. See IMDB for his complete credits.

About the reviewer: Hamish Porter is a writer who, if he was granted one wish, would ask for the skill of being able to write dialogue like Tarantino. Or maybe the ability to teleport. Nah, that’s nothing compared to the former. A lover of philosophy, he’s working on several shorts and a sporting comedy that can only be described as “quintessentially British”. If you want to contact him, he can be emailed: hamishdonaldp “AT” gmail.com. If you’d like to contact him and be subjected to incoherent ramblings, follow him on @HamishP95.

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