LINES (5-page short thriller screenplay) by PAUL KNAUER

A mother and daughter, struggling to get by, find themselves eluding gangsters when their deadbeat, drug addicted husband/father can’t pay the gangsters the money they’re owed.

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER was the theme for Week Two of our annual writer’s tournament here at Simply Scripts, which saw many impressive entries – each writer was given a different genre and three items to include in each of their scripts. I assumed the theme was about loyalty to family in some form and, after reading several of the entries, my assumptions were correct.

One entry that caught my eye while also notching the top overall voting score was a cool little thriller called Lines, written by the very talented Paul Knauer. A Simply Scripts vet who’s had several scripts optioned and produced, Paul is no stranger to these challenges and tournaments, continuously placing high in many of them. I’ve already reviewed two of his entries – Potato Radio, an entry from the COVID themed May One Week Challenge, and Passwords, from the horror/sci-fi themed June One Week Challenge.

Paul, of course, was assigned to write something in the thriller genre while also being given the following three items to include in his script – ketchup packets, homemaker and an auto body shop. And not only did Paul seamlessly weave these items into his story, but each item actually played a major role in the plot.

Through the story’s opening visual, we immediately understand the title of Paul’s tale as we see some drug paraphernalia neatly lined up on a desk at an auto repair shop (criteria item #1). We’re introduced to Steve who, along with being a mechanic, is also a deadbeat father, awful husband and meddling drug dealer who owes his boss some money – rather than selling his product, he’s been partaking a little too much.

Back at their apartment, we’re then introduced to Steve’s wife, Leslie, the homemaker (criteria item #2) who desperately searches the empty cupboards and refrigerator, trying to find dinner for their eight-year-old daughter, Stella. Met with cobwebs, Leslie decides to gather some change and take Stella to a local fast food spot to order a burger off the dollar menu. But as they’re gone, two goons break into their apartment, searching for the stay-at-home mom and the little girl, most likely related to Steve’s money situation.

Meanwhile, Leslie and Stella are at the fast food spot, getting dinner. While the fast food clerk has their back turned, Stella snatches up a bunch of ketchup packets (criteria item #3) and stuffs them into her mother’s purse – this seems to be a routine for them while also being a strange way of mother and daughter bonding.

After leaving, Leslie sees the auto repair shop in the near distance and decides to take Stella there to pay Steve a visit. Unfortunately, Steve’s no-nonsense drug boss, Victor, has already beat them to the punch. Unbeknownst to Steve or Victor, Leslie eavesdrops from the other side of Steve’s office door.

Ouch, that’s gotta hurt. But Leslie’s got something else up her sleeve, finding a way to get back at her husband while ALSO eluding Victor and his goons. I won’t spoil it for you, but let’s just say those ketchup packets come very handy and play a major role in her plans.

Insanely clever, especially given the assigned criteria with one week to write, Lines is one that filmmakers and producers should be scrambling for. With a sensible budget and great characters, this could EASILY be filmed with social distancing in rules in effect.

BUDGET: Low to shoe string. Writing on a budget can be tricky when it comes to these writer’s tournaments where each writer is given a certain criteria to meet. But this one has a minimal cast and simple locations.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Paul is an optioned and produced screenwriter working out of the Kansas City area. His main focus is thrillers and slightly absurdist comedy with heart, most of them about life in the Midwest U.S. His first script, a sitcom pilot titled OH, BROTHER!, placed second in the 2012 Fresh Voices Screenplay Competition and was subsequently optioned. Paul’s diverse portfolio includes several feature thrillers, a couple of comedy features and multiple sitcom pilots, as well as dozens of shorts across genres. He believes that becoming a better writer requires the ability to push personal boundaries. Paul can be reached at: pkcardinal (a) gmail.

Read: LINES (5-page short thriller screenplay)

Discuss this script on the discussion board.

*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

Find more scripts available for production.

About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.