GERIATRICKS (13 page comedy script) by Mark Renshaw

On a whim and in need of healthcare, a group of geriatrics attempt a bank heist. With no experience, no clue and no bowel control, their chances are slim, especially when they encounter an off-duty cop.

Hey, all you young whippersnappers out there! I’m sure you’ve all heard this before – always respect your elders. They’ve seen it all and done it all, collecting years of wisdom and experience we can only be so lucky to accrue if we’re fortunate to live that long. They’ve helped shape the world, molding us into the responsible, respectful adults that we are today. And as the cruel aging process takes its toll, we feel it’s only right that we help them with the everyday things that they’re no longer able to do on their own – helping them cross the street, open jars, lift heavy things, etc.

But it’s because of this that we sometimes tend to underestimate them a bit. And that’s exactly what the small town folks at a local bank find out in Mark Renshaw’s hilarious ode to the elderly, “Geriatricks”, about a gang of geriatric bank robbers pulling off one, final job.

The story opens with cute, old Mister Jay as he shuffles over to the bank teller, Daisy, to make a withdrawal.

Mister J passes her a slip of paper. She reads it, raises an eyebrow

            DAISY
Are you for real?

Mister J nods.

            DAISY
Fifties and hundreds?

Mister J nods again, he places a backpack on the counter.

            DAISY
How old are you?

She thinks its a joke – until the sweet old man reveals a micro 9mm handgun.

But Mister Jay has a slight issue – he has trouble remembering things, often forgetting where he is and why he has a gun. Luckily, he’s not alone – meet Miss B, the foul-mouthed, shotgun-toting enforcer of the group with bowel control problems; Casanova, the ladies man guarding the door; and then there’s the lookout guy, Eagle Eye, who, ironically, happens to be going blind.

All members of this ragtag group have one thing in common (outside of being 80+ years old) – they need money. And boy, do they mean business.

But, despite the guns, their manners haven’t escaped them, making the bank robbery somewhat of a cute and pleasant experience for everybody in the bank, including an off-duty police officer, who tries to talk some sense into the elderly bandits.

            COP
What are you doing robbing a
bank at your age?

She hobbles over to Mister J who’s completely lost and pats his arm.

            MISS B
Exactly. Our age. We’re broken
and don’t have the cash for
repairs. He needs drugs for his
Alzheimer’s, I need back surgery,
Eagle Eye needs to pay off the
loan he took out for his guide dog.

As their plan breaks down, Miss B and her gang of senior citizens capture the hearts of everybody witnessing the robbery, including the off-duty cop and bank teller, Daisy.

            DAISY
Who here thinks we should pretend
none of this happened?

Everyone raises their hand.

            COP
Gosh darn it! Okay!

But as the title suggests, these senior citizens might have an ace or two up their sleeves…

A cross of “Grumpy Old Men” meets “Ocean’s 11”, Mark Renshaw’s “Geriatricks” is a cleverly written knee-slapper full of hilarious dialogue, lovable characters and, something that too many films are missing these days… heart. This deserves to be on the screen!

BUDGET: Low. One location.

ABOUT THE WRITER: by Mark Renshaw is an award-winning screenwriter and producer, his sci-fi TV pilot script “Nearscape” reaching the semifinals of the prestigious Page Awards and 2nd round of the Austin Film Festival. His short script, “Cyborn” was the inaugural winner of the Inroads Screenwriting Competition. Reaching the top 4% of the BBC’s Open Drama Submission, Mark has also been added to their list of promising writers. As a producer, his first two short films, “No More Tomorrows” and “Surrender” have enjoyed successful runs on the independent circuit, garnering several awards. His latest sci-fi short, “The Survivor: A Tale From the Nearscape”, which he wrote and produced, currently has a worldwide distribution deal with Meridian Releasing, also serving as a proof of concept for a TV series. Mark has also had several short stories published, including “Ragnarok” by Cohesion Press in the horror anthology, “SNAFU: Resurrection”. You can watch check out Mark’s produced films and scripts on his website at www.mark-renshaw.com.

READ GERIATRICKS

Discuss this script on the Discussion Board.

*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

Find more scripts available for production.

About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.