Pee Buddies by Shane Murphy

A man suffering from a bizarre phobia recruits a coworker to help him overcome his fear.

Man, is there anything worse in life than really, really, really having to pee? I mean, of course there’s much worse, like being taken hostage, being dismembered or losing your job.

But, for sheer physical and emotional agony, the inability to urinate when nature is calling, er, screaming to stream, is hard to top.

So are the comical moments in Shane Murphy’s short “Pee Buddies,” a story about, er, pee buddies – Don and Glenn. Don’s got urinary issues. He’s also got boundary issues at work because the opening scene finds him in the bathroom discussing his pissues (hopefully I’m the first to coin the phrase) with his young, happy-go-lucky co-worker Glenn.

            GLENN
Don.

            DON
I’m begging you. Two minutes
of privacy.

            GLENN
You can do this, buddy.

            DON
One minute?

            GLENN
Let’s just try again.

            DON
Why are you torturing me?

            GLENN
It’s not torture, it’s therapeutic.
A licensed therapist told you to do
this. Now get over here.

And they’re off (so to speak)! But nothing’s coming out, except genuine LOLs on every page as the momentum, suspense and pressure builds. Glenn even resorts to urinating next to him – really peeing there for Don.

            DON
     (annoyed)
Really?

            GLENN
It’s for your own good. This isn’t
so bad, is it?

            DON
This is my nightmare.

            GLENN
Come on, the hard part is over.
You’re standing next to me,
your unit is out—

            DON
Stop saying unit!

You won’t stop smiling the rest of the way through Murphy’s story of a workplace thera-pee session gone very, very bad for Don and Glenn, but quite entertaining for the rest of us…and a co-worker who walks into the bathroom, unbeknownst to Don and Glenn.

I’m thinking Jack Black and Will Ferrell would be splendid choices to play Glenn and Don, respectively. If they’re not available, the right director could certainly pull the necessary performances out of any capable actors.

“Pee Buddies” needs to be produced – if anything just so the marketing tag can be “Pee Buddies – streaming now!”

Budget: Um, a bathroom. Two main actors with two “units” – though not necessarily on camera, please!

About the writer: Shane Murphy is a writer and comedian from Toronto, Canada. For contact information and stand-up dates please visit shanemurphy.org.

About the reviewer: Zack Zupke is a writer in Los Angeles. Zack was a latch-key kid (insert “awww” here) whose best friend was a 19-inch color television (horrific, he knows). His early education (1st grade on) included watching countless hours of shows like “M*A*S*H,” “Star Trek” and “The Odd Couple” and movies like “The Godfather,” “Rocky” and “Annie Hall.” Flash forward to present day and his short “The Confession” was recently produced by Trident Technical College in Charleston, SC. He’s currently working on a futuristic hitman thriller with a partner and refining a dramedy pilot perfect for the likes of FX. You can reach Zack at zzupke “at” yahoo.

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This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.