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1.

Terry
September 11th, 2014 at 2:12 pm

It’s not bad, but could be better.

Terry

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2.

Kevin
September 11th, 2014 at 2:29 pm

I’ve been studying screenwriting for a number of years now, and compared to the vast majority of scripts I’ve read on here as well as movie poet, I REALLY dug this one. I love screenwriting’s taut and vivid descriptions and I thought this one did decently well in painting pictures inside my mind. When I need a crop of fresh prose, I always look to the thesaurus, tony gilroy and the wachowskis. Keep up the great writing.

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3.

KP Mackie
September 11th, 2014 at 2:54 pm

This short is incredible!
The review is so good that it enticed me to read this script.

This story made me squirm. (A great thing!) Have read other scripts by Rustom (He’s a talent) and I enjoy the visual elements he incorporates into his stories. Think that’s why this one made me squirm! :/

Love the surprise ending! (Actually covered the bottom of the screen — I’m a quick reader — so I wouldn’t cheat and read ahead. Perfect, and I never saw it coming…

Someone needs to make this one pronto!

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4.

Terry
September 11th, 2014 at 4:05 pm

I don’t know , but it reads more like s film student version.
We have to start somewhere.
The prose are not bad, but the writer must thin out the prose a bit more.

Reads like a very first draft.

It’s okay on second read, but please just easy on the prose.

Read Matrix or Cloud Atlas – they are perfect, because of their short direct proses.

Don’t overwrite. Just write like poet mixed with technical style… a la/screenwriting.

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5.

Terry
September 11th, 2014 at 4:12 pm

Also, read this script called
The Krays (Methuen Screenplay) Paperback – October 16, 1997
by Philip Ridley (Author)

This is how you should write prose.

Slim prose. Gilroy has slim prose. He is not wordy.

Your style is okay but TOO HEAVY and HOLLYWOOD won’t like it.

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6.

Terry
September 11th, 2014 at 4:21 pm

I am not being insulting folks. Stop.
Just the story of Glued is excellent and would make a great SHORT film.
But the prose is too overwritten.
Read THE KRAYS, and learn to thin out your prose.
Also read BURIED.

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7.

Rusty
September 11th, 2014 at 5:04 pm

You are not at all insulting, Terry. I appreciate all criticism and feedback and the fact that you took your time to read the script and offer constructive pointers is valuable.

My voice tends to be all over the place at times while at others I’m called out for being a bit too barebones.

A fine balance which comes with daily writing, which is what the really great writers do, they just write.

Good imagination needs even better execution, the simpler the better.

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8.

Henry Christner
September 11th, 2014 at 7:42 pm

Terry — What’s the fixation with prose? Proses? Prose are…? Huh? You want him to read “Cloud Atlas”?

Anyway, back to “Glue.” I was engaged enough to read it all, then again. My thoughts:

1. Would Epoxy really be enough to pin a grown man to the floor?

2. I didn’t sympathize with Mama because she subjected her little son to bad stuff.

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9.

marnieml
September 12th, 2014 at 2:11 pm

You wrote this for a DVXUser Challenge, right Rusty? I loved it then…love it now. The characters ROCK! And you know I’m a big fan of your writing style and have mentioned in the past that you need to write a book so all your awesome prose isn’t lost. 🙂

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10.

Rusty
September 12th, 2014 at 2:28 pm

This script also gave me a first place in that DVXuser challenege, Marnie! 🙂

I often imagine my writing fans and critics at battle and you guys’d so kick serious butt that it makes me all giggly and mushy and wanting to keep on writing – book, script, no matter!

Made my day!

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11.

Kevin
September 13th, 2014 at 4:50 am

This might sound crazy, but to SERIOUSLY BORE the concept of TIGHT PROSE into my head… I’ve handwritten copies of scripts that are filled with that beautifully ECONOMIC WORDING.

Like I said above, I usually look to Tony Gilroy and the Wachowski siblings for examples of sublime, vivid imagery. Gilroy writes KILLER action sequences.

And whether I like the stories or not is not really relevant. I’ve never seen any of the BOURNE movies, but the BOURNE scripts are an AWESOME read. I wasn’t a fan of the SPEED RACER movie, but its script taught me a lot about BREVITY. Scott Rosenberg and Gary Ross are some other honorable mentions.

As for GLUED, I really loved the story (especially since the topic is currently relevant in our society). I frequently research and write about domestic violence.

My main SLICE of ADVICE is that I would like the story to be a bit longer. I enjoyed the tension between the mom and dad so much that I think you could add on to it and really draw out that suspense. And if people question whether or not epoxy would secure him to the floor, maybe DRIVE SPIKES through his hands and feet. That’ll hold ‘im.

(Another thing I like to do is read my favorite scripts and make lists of the POWERFUL AND POTENT verbs and nouns used in those scripts). Anyway, stay positive and keep up the great writing. (I loved the ending where the view shifts from dad to the cartoon. I laughed out loud at that one)

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12.

Cindy L. Keller
September 13th, 2014 at 8:06 am

I wanted to read this, but am unable to open it.
Could someone please email it to me at skyburg@hotmail.com

Thank you in advance,

Cindy L. Keller

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13.

Cindy L. Keller
September 14th, 2014 at 3:42 pm

I have to agree with Terry that it does read a little heavy, but the overall story was good and gave me vivid images. I liked it and it was worth the trouble I went through to be able to give it a read.
This little short that would be easy to film.
The ending left me with a smile.