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THE KING OF THE ELVES BY SHEEPDOGG PLANKTON Based on a Short Story by PHILLIP K. DICK 1. EXT. FILLING STATION - NIGHT It is a lonely highway out side of Perryville, Colorado. It rains really hard, and the filling station is empty. Or is it? CUT TO: 2. EXT. FILLING STATION -- DIFFERENT ANGLE - NIGHT Under the roof above the gas pumps sits SHADRACH JONES, a man in his late fourties. He has a glass bottle of coke in his hands, and is wearing a gray sweatshirt/jacket. He has on a blue baseball cap to hide his baldness, and his face badly needs a good shave. He takes another swig of coke. Then he gets up, and starts to walk into the filling station. 3. INT. FILLING STATION - COUNTER - NIGHT Shadrach goes to the register and counts all of the money. SHADRACH Okay, enough to support me for the next month or so... He starts to go back out again, when he hears a DING of the BELL at the counter. He pauses. SHADRACH Sorry, sir, the station is closed for today. VOICE It's an emergency. We are the elves, and our king is dying. SHADRACH What? Shadrach turns around, and sure enough, sees the ELVES. They are tiny, skinny creatures that are kinda like younger versions of Yoda, with lighter green skin, and they all have dark or auburn hair. They wear Dark Green cloaks with a golden pin below the chin, and the hoods up. They all have tiny swords, and they all also have little shields in their hands too. ELVE Sir, we are the elves. We are running from the Trolls, and our king is dying. Could you provide us with provisions, and possibly a place to stay for the night? SHADRACH Yes, sure, step inside. CHUBBY ELVE Sir, we are already inside, we just need a place to sleep. SHADRACH Oh yes! Come with me, you all can sleep at my place. ELVE Thank you sir. 4. EXT. HOUSE In the fields, there is Shadrach's house, an ordinary home by anyone's standards, two stories, with a front porch. Then, Shadrach leads the Elves with him across the front yard, with barely any grass at all just faint yellow grass that crunches when they step on it. SHADRACH Come along, you can sleep upstairs. 5. INT. LIVING ROOM - SHADRACH'S HOUSE Shadrach sits in front of the elves. SHADRACH So, tell me what happened. CHUBBY ELVE We were trying to make it back to the City of LIght, which is where we are, so we were taking the Un-Ending Path-- SHADRACH You mean, the highway? CHUBBY ELVE Our intentions were to cross into the Towering Pass and to the City of Light, but we were ambushed by trolls on the highway. SHADRACH Trolls? Towering Pass? You mean The Rockies, right? KING ELVE The Towering Pass. Yes, the trolls are very dangerous. They come from Darkness, and they are almost everywhere. They carry their axes, and they are incredibly hard to slay, although their army is short. It is also said that their Lord walks around in a disguise, and nothing, i mean nothing, can defeat him, because you never know when him and his strong army will come out, their stink and rot and will fight until you are dead. Oh yes, nothing can defeat them. Except for us, and we're having a difficult time ourselves, I must say. SHADRACH Well, I think it's time we get to sleep. KING ELVE Yes. We thank you, human, for your hospitality. They bow, and then the Sickly King is hoisted up by them and carried away. Shadrach sits in silence for about a minute. Then, he bursts out laughing. SHADRACH Elves? Trolls? You've gotta be kidding me! I'm gonna get to the bottom of this now. Shadrach quickly runs up the stairs. CUT TO: 6. INT. DARK HALLWAY - HOUSE Shadrach runs through, when he runs into 3 mournful elves. SHADRACH Alright, you'd better stop trying to fool me, I've had enough of this crap, lemme get to the bottom of this now. ELVE #1 Sir, the king has died. We are not fooling you, do we look like humans? SHADRACH Not really, but the notion that you're elves is... ELVE #1 The point is that the king is dead, Mr. Jones. SHADRACH (stunned) Oh. (beat) You've gotta elect a new one, then! ELVE #2 We don't elect Kings. The Dead King speaks the name of the new one before he goes to the path of the dead. SHADRACH That's mighty convenient, it would save all the complicated stuff we have if we used it. Well, who was chosen? They pause. ELVE #3 Sir, this might come as a shock, but he chose you. SHADRACH (laughs histarically) You're kidding, right? Come on, what's the gag? ELVE #1 Sir, you are the King of the Elves. We must start towards the Towering Path tommorrow. The King himself said 'I see good things coming if he is made king. I see Victory' were the words of the dying King. SHADRACH (stunned, calm) Oh, boy. This is unexpected for an old man like me. You don't want me, I don't know Squat about fighting in Wars and sturf. ELVE But the King said so himself, and those about to pass on to the Path of Dead have the gift of foresight. We trust our king. SHADRACH ( unwillingly) This wasn't my idea. Oh well. May I have a day to get ready to leave? I need to get my stuff, and close down the filling station. ELVE #2 You are the King, now, Sir. SHADRACH Man, Phineas isn't gonna beleive this. The MUSIC reaches a high PITCH, and we CUT TO: 7. EXT. FILLING STATION Shadrach faces PHINEAS, a young, Luke Wilson type guy. SHADRACH ...That's how I became king of the Elves. PHINEAS Interesting. Phineas walks away, and over to one of the gas pumps where DAVID GREEN, in his late thirties, is pumping his car. PHINEAS Well, David, I didn't think Shadrach, of all people, would invent this crap, but you were right. DAVID Do you think he beleives it? PHINEAS I dunno. DAVID He's getting something out of it, he has to be. He can't be doing this for nothing, that's a little obvious. PHINEAS Shadrach's pretty firm, he knows what he's doing. He's been running this station longer than I've been alive. DAVID Yeah, but he's out here all by himself. He's stirring up business EDDIE, a black, Afro-American EDDIE MURPHY kind of guy, walks up. EDDIE You both wack, man. He's been out here by himself way too long, and he's gone cukoo, that's just the deal. DAVID So, you think so. Shadrach has a firm grip on everything else. EDDIE Face it, dude. The man is going nuts. DAVID Whatever. See ya'll, I'm headed to California. Eddie jumps into his Escalade, and then starts the car. It roars away, the exhaust trailing behind him. PHINEAS He sounds like the crazy guy to me. They laugh. We PULL AWAY to Shadrach, who's a pump behind them, collecting the change. He sighs. He looks lonely, in as no one beleives him. He starts to walk away. SHADRACH Too bad no one beleives me... 8. INT. FILLING STATION Just as last night, Shadrach goes to the cash register and starts to collect the change, when the bell rings, and he drops a penny. SHADRACH Who there? He looks over, and sees The Chubby Elve. CHUBBY ELVE Sir, tonight, when you're all ready, meet us under the oak tree by the farm. There we will have a makeshift Council Meeting, before we head on to the City of Light. SHADRACH Yes. The Chubby Elve leaves. Shadrach takes a deep gulp of coke, and puts the bottle down. SHADRACH (to himself) What if I am going insane? (beat) Wait a sec, that Oak Tree's on Phineas's farm! CUT TO: 9. EXT. FARM - OAK TREE Shadrach walks down the road, up to the Oak Tree. He leans against it. VOICE Who's on my farm? SHADRACH Me, Phineas. Phineas comes out from behind the tree. PHINEAS What the heck are you doing out here? SHADRACH I'm supposed to meet the elves here, to discuss the War With the Trolls before we head on to the City of Light. PHINEAS Where is the City of Light? SHADRACH No clue. PHINEAS Look, go home, you can fight trolls some other night, SHADRACH No, I'm the King of the Elves. I have to stay here. PHINEAS You Will Die. SHADRACH What did you say? PHINEAS You will die. Phineas unsheaths a sword. PHINEAS (shout) Onward! Hundreds of trolls leap out from nowhere and grab onto Shadrach. He starts to smash them against the ground, but is soon overtaken by them. Over the other side of the hill, the Elves see this, and all start running towards the mass of about a hundred trolls. ELVES Death to the Trolls! TROLLS Kill all the Elves! The Chubby Elve runs up and cuts several Trolls, allowing Shadrach to stand again. He fights off some more Trolls, and the Elves and Trolls clash in battle. It rages on, Phineas shouting instructions, but the Trolls are fast dying. The Elves continue to march, while about five protect their leader. Shadrach then sees a can, and starts smashing the orcs with it, and soon only 20 Trolls remain, six on Shadrach. SHADRACH Take that! (he slams one troll) And that! (he beats the crud out of another) And that! (he smashes three more) Don't think I forgot about you. (he slams the las one.) The 14 remaining trolls surround Shadrach. He faces Phineas, who has an Ax. SKINNY ELVE Take this sword! Shadrach catches the sword and holds it in the air. PHINEAS Time for the death of the elves! SHADRACH The Hour has come for the erasing of the existence of you foul creatures. They swing, and the ax and sword clash. Shadrach then strikes towards the heart, and Phineas falls dead. The moonlight then hits Phineas, and reveals him to be a foul and ugly and gory troll. ELVES The Trolls are gone. The Dead King was right! SHADRACH Hey, elves? ELVES Yes, sir? SHADRACH Since this thing is over, can I go back to the filling station? ELVES Yes. Shadrach takes off, and walks about 4 paces, when he turns around. SHADRACH That was quite a battle, eh? We really licked 'em didn't we? ELVES Yes, sir. Shadrach pauses, and smiles at the elves. SHADRACH All Right, show me the way to this City of Light. ELVES It is a three month journey. Let us begin. The Elves cheer, and they start down the Highway, towards the rockies. FADE OUT FADE IN 10. EXT. ROCKIES The Elves lead Shadrach up through a pass, and then they reach a calm snowcap, and continue. CUT TO: 11. CITY OF LIGHT They come over an incredibly rocky pass, and then come to an incredibly large river. They all jump in, and start to walk through it. We can tell by the look on Shadrach's face that it is incredibly cold. After they get out of the river, they climb onto the shores, and go up a little rocky hill. Shadrach is incredibly worn. He has a back pack on his back with his things in it, and there are cuts all around him. His feet look really bad, and worse, his cloak is sagging down, dripping with all the water. Shadrach gets to the top of the hill, made out of tiny stones, and looks down on the City of Light. It is incredible, it's kind of like the city of Osgiliath, except everything in it is made of white light, that nearly blinds Shadrach. We pull out to the shilhouettes of them facing the City of Light. FADE OUT THE END.
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